Welcome to English as a Second Language podcast number 397, Being a Divorced Parent.
This is English as a Second Language podcast episode 397.
I'm your host, Dr. Jeff McQuillan.
Thank you.
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This episode is called Being a Divorced Parent.
It's a dialogue between Oscar and Penny, talking about the problems, the sometimes difficulties, of being a parent taking care of your son or daughter when you are divorced, when you have legally separated from your husband or wife.
Let's get started.
How are you adjusting to being a single parent?
It hasn't been easy, but Paul and I are trying to be as civil as possible.
We worked out joint custody so that Mina will get quality time with both of us.
Still, it's been an adjustment for her.
I'm sure.
And for you and Paul, too.
Will you get to see Mina when she's with her father?
We each have visitation rights.
Fortunately, Paul and I both want what's best for Mina.
So we're working hard to make the right decisions.
If you don't mind my asking, how are you managing financially?
Neither of us is paying alimony to the other, so that was never an issue.
But Paul will be paying child support since I'll have Mina most of the year.
Paul had no objections.
He's been amenable to anything that would be good for Mina.
How has Mina been reacting to the whole thing?
It sounds like you're doing all you can.
Under the circumstances.
Oscar begins by saying to Penny, how are you adjusting to being a single parent?
How are you adjusting?
How are you getting along?
How are you changing in this circumstance, in this situation?
A single parent is a parent, a father or a mother who is taking care of their child or children by themselves, either because they never married, or they were married and divorced, or perhaps one parent has died.
Penny says it hasn't been easy, but Paul and I are trying to be as civil as possible.
Paul is Penny's husband.
They're trying to be as civil, C-I-V-I-L, as possible.
Civil means to, in this case, be polite, not rude.
Not friendly either, just not mean, not rude.
Civil has a couple of different meanings in English.
Look at our learning guide for some additional explanations.
Penny says, we worked out joint custody.
We worked out.
Here means we negotiated.
We came to an agreement for joint custody.
Something that is joint is between two people or two organizations.
Custody refers to who takes care of the children.
Joint custody then, is a legal arrangement, a legal agreement when two parents decide to divorce, or where each parent agrees to live with the child or the child lives with the parent for a certain amount of time.
Perhaps the mother takes care of the child during the week and the father takes care of the child on the weekends?
Or one month the child is here, another month the child is with the other parent.
Penny and Paul worked out joint custody so that their daughter Mina, will get quality time with both of us.
The term quality time here means the time that you are with another person, but that you are really paying attention to each other, enjoying each other's time, conversation and company.
We need to spend quality time together.
A wife may say to her husband, meaning we can't just sit down and watch television, we need to go and talk and perhaps do something together that would allow us to get to know each other better or to love each other better.
This is quality time.
A parent can have quality time with his or her children.
Penny says, still, even though, it's been an adjustment for her, for her daughter.
An adjustment is a change, an adaptation.
Remember, Oscar began the dialogue by asking, how are you adjusting to being a single parent?
Oscar says, I'm sure.
I'm sure it is an adjustment, he's saying.
Will you get to see Mina when she's with her father?
Penny says, we each have visitation rights.
This is another expression used when talking about divorced parents.
To visit means to go and be with someone, usually someone who's in another place, in another house, for example.
Visitation is the act of going and visiting someone else.
Your rights are things that you are allowed to do.
So visitation rites refer to rules that the parents agree to, where a parent can go see the child even though the child is at the other parent's house.
Penny says Fortunately, Paul and I both want what's best for Mina, so we're working hard to make the right decisions.
Oscar says, if you don't mind me asking, how are you managing financially?
The expression, if you don't mind me asking is a polite way of asking someone something that perhaps is normally private or personal.
If someone says, if you don't mind me asking, how much do you make every year at your job?
Well, that's considered a very personal question, at least in the United States.
So if you wanted to ask someone that you would probably have to begin by saying if you don't mind me asking
Notice the verb here, to mind, means don't. to be bothered, to be upset.
So he's asking if you are not upset by my question, if it is okay for me to ask this question how are you managing, how are you doing financially?
Financially refers to money.
How much money do you have?
Do you have enough money for what you need?
Penny says neither of us is paying alimony to the other.
Alimony A-L-I-M-O-N-Y is money that one spouse in a marriage either the husband or the wife pays the other spouse in order to have enough money to live on.
So if a husband and wife get divorced, sometimes the agreement will be that the husband has to give the wife 2000 a month so the wife has enough money to live on.
Not every divorce has an alimony agreement.
Penny and Paul do not pay alimony to each other.
But Paul is paying child support.
Child support is a little different from alimony.
Child support is money that one parent gives to the other parent to help pay for the child's education, the child's food clothing, etc.
So if a husband and wife divorce, the father may have to pay child support to his ex-wife, his former wife, so the wife has money to take care of their child.
This is often something that is legally required.
In most states.
If a father doesn't pay or a mother doesn't pay child support to the other parent, That can cause problems legal problems
It is against the law if you are required to give child support not to pay.
This typically, at least historically, has happened between the father and the mother.
That is, the father pays child support to the mother, but it could also happen the other way.
So Penny says that her husband, her ex-husband, is paying child support.
Paul has no objections.
An objection would be a reason for not wanting to do something.
But Paul says he has no objection.
He thinks this is a good idea.
He's been amenable to anything that would be good for Mina.
To be amenable.
A-M-E-N-A-B-L-E means to be willing to do something, to think that something is a good idea.
This is what I say to my wife.
I'm amenable to doing anything you want, my love.
My darling, my dear.
Oscar asks how Mina has been reacting to the whole thing, how she has reacted to the situation.
Penny says Mina has been acting out.
To act out when we are talking about a child means to behave poorly, to do something that the parent doesn't like to misbehave.
We would say
That's to act out.
They may be yelling, they may be crying, they may be not doing what the parent tells them to do.
Penny says, Paul's parents and my mother have been very supportive.
To be supportive in this case means to be helpful, to provide assistance to someone, to give help to someone.
Penny says we're all trying to give Mina as much stability as possible.
Stability is a situation or condition where where things don't change, things stay the same.
So they are trying to create a stable situation for Mina so that she doesn't go through a lot of changes which can be difficult for a young child in this situation.
Oscar says, it sounds like you're doing all you can.
Penny says, we're trying our best under the circumstances.
The expression under the circumstances means given the current situation.
Usually, we use this expression when we're saying well, this isn't the best situation, but it's something that we are trying trying to deal with, trying to do the best we can under the circumstances, under the difficulties that this causes.
Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.
How are you adjusting to being a single parent hasn't been easy, but Paul and I are trying to be as civil as possible.
We worked out joint custody so that Mina will get quality time with both of us.
Still, it's been an adjustment for her.
I'm sure.
And for you and Paul, too.
Will you get to see Mina when she's with her father?
We each have visitation rights.
Fortunately, Paul and I both want what's best for Mina, so we're working hard to make the right decisions.
If you don't mind my asking, how are you managing financially?
Neither of us is paying alimony to the other, so that was never an issue.
But Paul will be paying child support since I'll have Mina most of the year.
Paul had no objections.
He's been amenable to anything that would be good for Mina.
How has Mina been reacting to the whole thing?
She has been acting out, which is to be expected.
Paul's parents and my mother have been very supportive and we're all trying to give her as much stability as possible.
It sounds like you're doing all you can.
We're trying our best, under the circumstances. who's always amenable to your suggestions.
From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan.
Thank you for listening.
Come back and listen to us next time on ESL Podcast.
English as a Second Language Podcast is written and produced by Dr Lucy Say, hosted by Dr Jeff McQuillan.
This podcast is copyright 2008.
