Excuse me, do you have any book recommendations?
It depends on what genre you're talking about.
It can be any genre.
You look like someone who has read good books in your life.
Yes, I have.
Let me think for a while.
Absolutely.
As kids, we're handed a timeline.
Youth is wild.
Your 20s are for figuring it out.
And after 30, you're supposed to fade into stability, predictability, even invisibility.
Hi.
Thank you.
It was just a coincidence that I saw the secondhand sign.
Looks do matter a lot, but there's also another truth.
It's only one part of what makes someone truly beautiful.
And what ages us goes far beyond wrinkles and loss of collagen.
It's other stuff, stuff we can actually do something about.
All right, i'm back home, i also got some groceries and i have my book the country outside sweden and the war.
I wasn't expecting to read about the war, but anyway, here we are.
I did ask for recommendation and i felt compelled to buy whatever i was recommended.
So, beyond looks, what actually ages us?
First, it's the story that we tell ourselves.
It's self-perception plus negative self-talk combined.
When we start believing that we are less, less attractive, less interesting, less wanted, it leaks into our posture, our energy, even our face.
So we don't fade because we age, we fade because of the story that we keep rehearsing.
Number two, society's obsession with youth.
You know, it's not all in your head.
We're taught to fear aging.
It's the beauty industry who says stay young forever.
And to be fair, it's not even just industry.
It's people in general.
The pressure to be ageless is relentless.
But that fear and that shame that we can feel, that ages us more than time ever could.
Emotional burnout stress grief, resentment.
They don't just weigh on your mind, they show up on your body, your face, your vibe.
And taking care of your mental health is self-care at the deepest level.
You know, one of the hardest things about struggling with mental health is how quick other people can be to give advice.
That doesn't really land, you know.
I'll never forget one time i was at a yoga class and i was talking to someone and this person told me that i don't know that my anxiety was caused by a lack of gratitude.
And i know that they meant well, but in that moment it just made me feel worse, like my struggles were somehow my fault.
And that can be the danger of oversimplified advice.
When you're already hurting, comments like that can just not bring clarity but pile on to feelings of shame and making you feel even more alone.
And yet so many of us end up turning to strangers online or casual conversations for help, hoping that it'll fix something deeper.
But for me, the turning point was finding the right therapist.
So, instead of getting surface level advice or quick fixes, my therapist helped me connect the dots between my anxiety and patterns that I did not even realize that I had.
Before I kept trying to solve things by self-help books and changing my routines and while those things are useful to an extent, they don't always really shift that thing that needs to be shifted.
So with her, my therapist, I finally felt safe enough to be honest.
And that's where the deep work starts.
And that's why I'm so glad that this video is sponsored by BetterHelp because, unlike friends or strangers who mean well but can't really fully understand what you're going through, therapy gives you a safe space with someone who was trained to help you untangle hard stuff and work towards that real change.
Because therapy is not about quick fixes.
It's about long-term growth and support, and betterhelp designed their therapist match commitment to make that possible.
Betterhelp uses over a decade of matching expertise and clinical experience with your preferences to match you with someone who makes sense for you.
If it's not working out, you can always just switch your therapist at no additional cost at any time.
So if you've been feeling stuck, i hope that this can be the nudge that you need to just try something different and you can get started today by clicking the link in my description box or visiting betterhelpcom lana, and you will get 10 off your first month of therapy.
Losing curiosity and playfulness when you stop being curious and playful, something in you shuts down.
You stop exploring, you stop laughing at dumb stuff and suddenly you just feel old.
And it's not because of your age, but because you've stopped being alive to life and nothing drains a glow like taking everything too seriously.
Self-neglect, the whole, i don't care anymore.
Can sound like wisdom and maturity, but often it's withdrawal, you know, skipping the small rituals for, or self-care, whatever they are for you.
It's not necessarily freedom, oftentimes it's just checking out how you carry yourself, it's body language, and i think about that so much.
Nowadays, you know slouching shrinking, hiding reads as low energy.
So stand tall and move like you matter, because you do.
Finally disconnection, and i think this one is huge.
You know, when we stop being seen, we stop seeing ourselves.
And you don't need a crowd, a large group of friends, but you do need connections, some kind of reflection, because without it your light just starts to dim.
So then, what is beauty beyond looks?
If those are the forces working against you, what pulls you forward?
Not talking about hotness, not sex appeal, i'm talking about the kind of beauty that doesn't depend on youth, you know.
It's not loud, it's not performative and it doesn't fade.
It's not about turning heads, it's about presence, And presence does not wrinkle.
And that is point number one.
Emotional presence.
Not scrolling, not zoning out, which I tend to do a lot.
It seems like most people are living 10% in the moment and 90% in their heads.
When someone's actually there with you, you can feel it.
Authenticity.
And I know we're all tired of hearing that word, but you don't have to be the coolest person in the room, although you are.
But just being real.
You know, when you stop performing and just show up as you, it feels like a breath of fresh air and it makes people relax around you because you're not pretending.
And so they don't feel like they have to do that either.
Aliveness.
And I think this is one of the most magnetic things.
It's when you feel free to just laugh, dance badly, asking questions, being curious, even when your quirks are magnetic because you're just alive to life.
Emotional intelligence empathy awareness kindness, high eq is timeless and it shows up when you listen, it shows up in how you speak and how you see people.
That emotional warmth Sticks with people longer than perfect skin ever could.
Self-sourced confidence.
I think the most magnetic people aren't wondering all the time, do they like me?
How am I showing up?
They just decide that they like themselves and that energy is felt.
And it's not that you're chasing spotlight.
You just feel like you already are light style that is yours.
It's not trendy, it could be, it doesn't have to be.
You know, we've all tried to fit into a trend i have and i just feel so icky and uncomfortable because i'm like it's not me and i feel like i can't show up as my best self if i'm wearing something that doesn't feel like me and like i'm allowed to so make it say you experiment explore, because that form of self-expression that is you, it never goes out of style.
Playfulness.
And this might be the most magnetic of all.
It's not about trying to be a comedian or being immature, but if you can still laugh at dumb inside jokes and find the funny and hard moments and not take life or yourself too seriously, that is pure life force.
And that is youth.
And that is beauty.
I don't know if it's the novelty of it all, but I don't know how to put this book down.
Or maybe the fact that it was recommended to me by a stranger makes it feel more exciting.
Or it's just a really good book.
So as the theme is beauty, I asked you all on Instagram what makes you feel beautiful.
I've also gotten hundreds of responses, so thank you for everyone who contributed.
I'm gonna read some of them to you now.
Someone said so simple but just getting a herbal tea and sitting in front of the mirror and brushing my hair softly.
Someone said, getting compliments by people I like.
I like how loving I am and how I like cute things.
When I feel loved by a really great man and when I feel smart.
When I accomplish something meaningful in my life and people notice my efforts.
Being able to smile and laugh with my friends hysterically.
Wearing a shirt that just fits perfectly.
Good hair and skin and a relaxed mind.
Being fully lost in a song that makes me want to dance.
A flower in my hair.
