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Welcome to Radioheadspace and to Tuesday.
So yesterday we talked about the fear of aging But today, I want to talk about one of the things that can make that fear feel very real.
The moment when you realize your body is changing in ways you didn't expect.
For me, that moment came when I started perimenopause.
I didn't see it coming.
I mean, I knew it existed.
I just didn't think it would be something I'd be dealing with yet.
And then, seemingly overnight, my body felt different.
The workouts I'd always done didn't feel the same.
My energy wasn't the same.
My sleep, forget it.
I was waking up at random hours like I had an internal alarm clock I never set.
And then one day I caught my reflection in a studio mirror after teaching a class.
And I just didn't recognize myself.
It wasn't bad. It wasn't dramatic.
I just didn't look like me.
My body was changing.
And for a second, I panicked.
I've spent so much of my life in my body, training it, pushing it, caring for it.
But this? This was new.
and it hit me all at once I do not have control over this and that feeling that's what scared me the most our bodies are always changing that's what they're designed to do the struggle comes when we expect them to stay the same but instead of resisting change what if we learn to listen to what our bodies are telling us?
So last spring, I started shifting my mindset around this after talking to a friend who's a physical therapist. I was venting about feeling stiff and how I used to be able to move so easily, and he said, yeah, but are you caring for your body in the way it needs now, or are you still treating it like your 20 -year -old self?
Ah, because he was right.
Right? I was so busy being frustrated about the changes that I wasn't adjusting to what my body actually needed in this season of its life.
I was so stuck on, but this used to work.
Those extra miles, that second high -intensity workout class, eating nutritious meals...but none of that was working.
And if I'm being honest, it felt really unfair.
I had spent years learning how to take care of myself, and suddenly it was like the rules had changed without warning.
I remember one morning, after yet another restless night, I dragged myself out of bed, determined to push through.
I laced up my running shoes, went out for a run, and within ten minutes, my legs felt like lead.
My heart was racing but not in the way it used to.
I wasn't feeling energized or accomplished.
I felt depleted, frustrated, and on the verge of tears.
And that moment was a wake -up call.
I couldn't keep doing this to myself.
I found myself caught in the cycle of trying harder, pushing through the fatigue, restricting myself, doubling down on what had always worked, only to feel worse.
It was exhausting, so I stopped treating my body like an opponent I needed to fix and started asking it questions instead.
And to be clear, this took a long time to realize.
What I found was, instead of pushing through exhaustion, I gave myself more rest. Instead of doing intense workouts just because I used to love them, I experimented with trying new ways of moving that actually felt good I traded in my short runs for long walks and most importantly I let go of the idea that my body should look or perform like it did pre this perimenopause phase because the truth is my body wasn't failing me, it was just changing and I had a choice fight against it, or learn to work with it?
At some point during this journey, I came across a quote from Sharon Salzberg that really stuck with me.
You, yourself, as much as anybody, in this entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
And I realized, I had spent so much time resisting what was happening, trying to force my body back into a version of itself that no longer existed instead of meeting myself with love and kindness.
That shift toward compassion instead of control wasn't instant, but it changed everything.
I started to see my body not as something to be managed, but as something to be cared for.
But here's the other piece of it, the part that made the biggest difference, I stopped going through it alone.
I started talking to women who had been through this before, who understood the frustration, the confusion, the grief of feeling like a stranger in your own body.
And in those conversations, I realized I wasn't failing.
I wasn't alone. There was nothing wrong with me.
I was just in a new season, one that so many women had walked through before me.
There's something incredibly powerful about community, about hearing someone say, I've been there too, and you're going to be okay.
We're not meant to navigate change in isolation.
We need each other.
We need spaces where we can be honest, where we don't have to pretend like everything is fine, where we can share what's actually happening and feel supported through it.
So if you're feeling this and perhaps you're at this stage in your life, instead of thinking about what your body used to do, ask yourself what it needs today.
Take a few deep breaths, scan your body, pay attention to how it feels now, then honor that without judgment.
Thanks for tuning in today.
I always love hearing your thoughts.
find me on instagram at Rosie Acosta.
Remember, be kind to you, and I'll see you back here soon.
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