Had you ever heard of perimenopause or menopause?
No, I had heard of menopause and I think I just associated that with hot flashes.
Yeah, me too.
And getting older.
In that car that day, I would come down on myself, like, because I was the cook.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner was made.
Clothes were washed and all of that.
And it was just playing in my head.
Like, you just let yourself just go to crap.
And look at you now.
You know, you're running in the store with a too little bra on.
Like, you really just don't care.
And I said, you know what?
Yeah, I don't care, Melanie.
I sure don't.
Hello to our new and existing members of the We Do Not Care Club.
I started this club called the We Do Not Care Club, and this is for anybody going through perimenopause and menopause.
We are simply putting the world on notice that we simply just do not care much anymore.
Do you think about it often?
People say, like, a moment could change everything.
You are living, breathing proof of a moment can change everything.
I didn't think that I was enough, and I did not see my value and my worth.
Why didn't you think you were enough?
Did you ever watch a video on social media that is so relatable it literally feels like the person is talking directly to you, like they know you.
That is exactly what today's guest did for me.
When I saw Melanie Sanders sitting in her car in a grocery store parking lot with no makeup, no bra, announcing she was starting the We Do Not Care Club, something in me immediately went oh my gosh, this is all of us sitting there with her.
That moment didn't just go viral.
It started a movement. women in perimenopause and menopause, we saw ourselves in that video.
And it was proof that we had been caring too much for too long.
Melanie didn't set out to create a brand or a trend.
She was just being honest about being at capacity.
And that honesty turned into the viral We Do Not Care Club.
And now her book, the official We Do Not Care Club handbook, which is part Laugh Out Loud Funny and part deeply validating for women who are done pretending nothing has changed.
Today, we are meeting the woman who said the quiet parts out loud.
We're going to hear her story and talk about why so many women finally feel seen in this chapter of life.
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Melanie, my friend, I am so happy you're here.
I am so excited.
I was waiting on this.
Oh, thank you for saying that because I was too.
I really was.
I was looking forward to giving you a hug in person and then just getting to sit down and say hi.
And I love my cupcakes.
Oh, thank you.
I want everybody who comes here, especially you with what you have done, to feel celebrated and feel like this is a conversation a little bit of a party.
I don't want it to feel like Tamsen's coming in and asking me.
Tough questions, because I don't have any tough questions.
Yes, absolutely.
When I walked in, I really want to take my shoes off and stuff.
You can take your shoes off.
No, it's fine.
I want you to, I think.
No, because then I have to take off my bra.
I do a lot, so keep me in my shoes, okay?
I mean, I'm okay with you taking your bra off too.
My husband would be.
We'll turn around.
Others might not like that very much.
Yeah, you know, I want to just jump in because you and I've talked a little bit off offline, you know, and I just find you to be so genuine and kind and just so sweet.
Really life though, has changed really dramatically for you.
What?
What has it been like?
Because I, you know, I read your book and you really, you really go to the soul.
You really talk about what was going on in your life before and where you are now.
Can you go back a little bit and talk about Melanie before we met Melanie?
I had a hysterectomy because I had fibroids.
And so when I had that hysterectomy, I had no idea. that my whole life would change.
My doctors didn't warn me.
They didn't warn me of that, although I do love my surgeon that performed the hysterectomy but she didn't tell me this.
She didn't tell me.
So I went into a dark place.
I went into a dark place.
After I had the surgery, they tell you don't climb stairs.
And so my downstairs, my guest bedroom is dark and cold.
And I have a TV on the wall and it's like I just I stayed there, I was kind of enjoying it a little bit, but then it was about time to go back upstairs.
My husband was like okay, it's time to come back upstairs.
You know, real life is back.
Right yeah, it's time to come back.
But I didn't want to go back and I wanted to just be there, keep the, keep the shades closed and I didn't know why.
And that was never you before, right?
No, No.
And I had my sons.
One was going to be leaving for university and the other one off to law school.
And I knew I needed to be to have time with them and to do things.
And that mom guilt was kicking in because it's like, girl, get out of here.
And I couldn't get out.
I couldn't get out.
So it's and I didn't know what was wrong.
You know, like, what is it?
But you knew something had really changed after that.
Yeah.
It's your mind, your body.
You just felt something different.
I just felt something different.
I didn't have any get up and go.
You know, the coffee wasn't coughing anymore, you know, nothing.
And that's when I started to start different supplements, you know.
So in one of the supplements was ashwagandha.
And for me, a lot of people take ashwagandha, you know, to sleep, to help to help relax at night.
But I started taking it in in the morning time for like a mood stabilizer.
And I think in the book I refer to it as my prerequisite to life.
So I would keep that on my nightstand.
And that is the way that the We Do Not Care Club started was because I was back upstairs by this time, but I had my ashwagandha.
When I wake up in the morning, I have the water bottle and then I have my ashwagandha.
That's the first thing I do.
I don't talk, know nothing.
And I went and I turned that bottle over.
And it was nothing in it.
And, you know, I pulled the little cotton stuff out and I panicked.
That was like your that was everything.
Yes.
What you knew was going to be able to help you get through the day.
Yes, because it was really like my mood.
And it's like I didn't want to get started on anything before that.
Like, you know, I don't want to.
I love staying in my systems.
And so that is when I I jumped up and put on a two little bra.
I didn't I didn't care at the time.
Like it was just.
I brushed my teeth.
I didn't even do my skincare regimen.
And socks, they weren't matching.
Everything about me wasn't right.
It wasn't right.
And so I get to Whole Foods and I was there when they opened and I got my ashwagandha and I got back in the car and I did have my coffee and I drank my coffee with the ashwagandha and I looked at myself in the mirror and It was.
It was like a defining moment, you know where I didn't feel like I was at my lowest, but I just felt like something's like it's just so much pressure.
Why were you so like you?
You have to have that.
You know, what is it, Melanie?
And I just told myself I'm at capacity.
I'm at capacity and I have to take the pressure off.
At capacity, meaning like there's nothing, I have nothing left to give and couldn't feel anything.
And you never had any doctors tell you what happens when you have a hysterectomy?
Nothing?
You had no information?
Nothing, nothing.
So I couldn't even yeah, I couldn't even relate my hysterectomy to that, because I just didn't, I didn't know.
Perimenopause wasn't a word.
Menopause wasn't a word.
So you looked in that rearview mirror and I know in the book you have a picture of the little rearview mirror with your eyes looking back at it.
What made you say, I got to say something.
I'm not at capacity, but I got to share this.
Again, I sat there just analyzing myself.
Everything I say in the book.
My hair was unstructured, the sports bra which I am definitely getting that framed.
And because I was a creator before.
I thought, you know what, let's let me see if anybody wants to join me and we can start a club.
You know, I love to share relatable content online and I'm OK with being vulnerable.
And so I hit record and I just shared it.
Not knowing that.
About 20 minutes later I get home and I look at the notifications and I said oh my God, oh my God.
And it wasn't like on one platform.
Yeah.
It was on several.
Yeah.
Everywhere.
Everywhere.
Viral.
How did you come up with the words We Do Not Care Club?
In the moment.
In the moment.
Everything about the WD&C, as you see that replay on May 13th, it just came to me then.
Nothing was rehearsed or planned or anything.
I believe it.
I know I could see it in your, in your eyes and your face and your tone and your and your everything.
It was just, you just didn't care at that point.
I didn't.
When you got home and saw those notifications which, of course, every time I you know if I see a lot of notifications something I'm like Oh God, my phone was left on while I was in the bathroom, or I was like I can't even imagine what's happened.
What did you think was going on?
You know I've had viral content, but it was something I look.
I went to my husband and I said oh, something's different about this.
And I just kind of paid attention throughout the day.
And I was gaining tens of thousands of followers, but then hundreds of thousands per day.
What were they saying?
They want to join.
They want in.
Yes, absolutely.
They want in for sure.
Like and oh my God, you know you're saying, you're speaking my, you know my language or you know my life?
And I was like my goodness, I never knew, by hitting record, just telling my truth, that this would happen.
This is your truth, but it was also millions of other women's truth too.
Millions of other women who don't, who are at capacity, beyond capacity.
When you think about that day in that grocery store, in that parking lot, do you think about it often?
I mean, it has to be mind boggling to you to know that that moment people say like a moment could change everything.
Mm-hmm.
You are living, breathing proof of a moment can change everything.
I really couldn't understand it, to be honest.
I did not understand it.
I studied it because when you're used to being a certain way, you know it's like okay, it's just Melanie, you know, and I'm okay with saying what's not right there and being vulnerable.
And this was, I don't know.
I don't know.
Fast forward a little bit.
You've got all these people saying like, I want to join the club.
And you're like, I need to, we got to start a club then.
And did you have to take a moment with that and say like, what is this?
Absolutely.
Well, you know what?
I put the phone down for a little while.
And yeah, I didn't.
Yeah.
Because it was too much for me.
It's like, Melanie, here you go opening your big mouth.
Now you're talking about a club where it's supposed to be 20 or 30 women.
You know, and look at what you've done.
You know.
It's all just to process it, to process it.
Like in some of my creator friends, they would call me or text me like, do you see your numbers?
It's like every second, every like, every minute.
I was gaining over 100 like, over 100, over 100, every like.
It was a lot.
And it scared me because I honestly and I share this on my platforms.
I didn't think that I was enough.
I didn't think that I was enough.
And I did not see my value and my worth in that. doing something of this magnitude.
Why didn't you think you were enough?
I honestly don't know.
Like, it's kind of hard.
Like, when you're, when you're just being yourself, you know, it's like, I wasn't trying.
If I was you know we're trying to do this then it's kind of like okay, it caught, you know it's going, it's happening now.
You know, but I wasn't trying.
And so that was the difference.
And I wouldn't say that I have low self-esteem or anything like that.
But you know, it's kind of like if you are an actress and you finally win that award, or is it an Oscar or you know, whatever it's like, it's finally here.
But I wasn't, I was just being Melanie.
But that's what we love.
That's what I'm learning.
You know, you're enough now.
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
And that is the part that when I say I studied this, I studied it over the summer, because this was May 13th that it happened.
And for me to process it um Like, I would go back and just look at the video and then I would look at the comments and I would go from platform to platform, because it's like it's different demographics or different age groups and everything you know on each platform a little bit more.
On Facebook, I have maybe like an older crowd than TikTok, you know, it's just different.
And I'm like studying the comments and everyone's saying the same thing.
Like, you know, oh, my God, you're speaking for me.
You know, this is what so important.
Yes.
It's, Tamsin is, is, it's just a whirlwind for me.
I know it is.
And I know that it's changing so many lives too.
Is there anything that's really touched you deeply that you've read?
Because I have to imagine that women are sharing so much with you, even through social media, because that's where we share now.
Is there anything that just really touched you and you've seen?
I'm sure it's millions of stories, but that that really sticks out in your mind as who you're speaking to?
I would just say, overall it's more like women that are extremely broken or just did not know their own worth or strength.
I do get the personal emails and DMs and everything.
It's just hard.
Even starting this tour from Union Square, New York and Brooklyn, It's like to hear those ladies talk.
My sisters talk, it's like you know, I just close my eyes.
I just close my eyes because, you know, you try to keep it together, but I'm so thankful.
You know what they're going through in real time and you've been there.
Mm-hmm.
People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions.
Well, sure, I've got the usual goals, read more, hit the gym.
But this year, there's a new one at the top of my list.
Get comfy.
Yeah, I'm trying to slow my mornings down just a little bit.
Coffee before chaos.
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What do you wish that women had known about perimenopause and menopause?
You know, for me, because I come at it from a journalist my mind was blown that this was like something we'd never talked about, right?
I've talked about every other type of health story or diet or whatever, nutrition or whatever it is.
But I never said perimenopause or menopause on television.
And I lost my mom at a young age, so she never spoke to me about it.
And so I feel like these are so many women that are coming up saying like thank you for helping me get to this next step in life.
And you were one of those women that had never talked about any of this.
Is that right?
Had you ever heard of perimenopause or menopause?
No.
I had heard of menopause and I think I just associated that with hot flashes.
Yeah, me too.
And getting older.
Yeah, getting older.
So that was it.
So with the whole perimenopause.
And to rewind on my situation, a lot of my symptoms that when I was in that dark room downstairs the insomnia started.
It's like, why can't I sleep?
Why can't I sleep?
And then I have anxiety anyway, but it just seems like it was just a little bit, it was rough.
You know I could turn a situation from beautiful to, you know to, oh my gosh morbid, you know, and it's like stop the negative thinking girl.
You know, I could think about my kids and think about you know, instead of thinking good things, I'm thinking you know, something happened happening, or you know, and and I?
I was so upset at myself.
It's one thing to not be able to sleep.
But then on top of that, you have these thoughts going through your head.
And then my body started to ache a lot.
It was just like, just achy.
And one night, my shoulder started to hurt.
And I'm like, what in the heck is wrong with my shoulder?
You know, it's like, well, maybe I should, you know, go back upstairs, you know, to my bed.
And I switched my pillows out and, you know, did all of that.
And that darn shoulder hurt.
And me and Chad GPT, we have a really good relationship.
Are you close?
We're real close.
We go together real bad.
I would, you know, just talk and ask questions.
And then Chad told me, I call him little buddy.
Little buddy told me, he said, Melanie.
Well, I'm just saying the voice.
He didn't say this.
It sounds like a good voice to me.
He's like, Melanie, you did have a hysterectomy.
And it sounds like you may have frozen shoulder.
I can't remember the whole story.
But I'm like, chat, frozen shoulder.
What the heck is that?
You know, frozen.
What does that have to do with a hysterectomy?
So then I take my frozen shoulder and I type that in the TikTok.
And then I go down this rabbit hole in the description of many of the women you know that have frozen shoulder.
I said, my goodness, I have frozen shoulder.
Mm hmm.
And so, you know, I went through that whole thing, but that was, and I'm in perimenopause.
That was how I figured this out.
And I put two and two together, hysterectomy.
And also within my hysterectomy, I had an IUD.
And so, and I had the IUD for 16 years.
Of course, changing it out when, you know, when it was recommended, because I have a 16-year-old.
And I remember getting an IUD, they said.
Cause I asked the doctor Hey, can you go ahead and do this before I leave the hospital after having him?
And they said, well, it has to be six weeks.
So I was there on that six weeks that I was there with me the stroller, the baby.
I had two babies at a time.
Let's go put it in.
So, and that has hormones in it itself.
So yeah, it's like I have this history wrecking me and you just you took out, you know, the hormones that I do have.
And in the book I share, I have one ovary.
So I, not only now don't have my IUD, I have one ovary.
So my body is just not producing.
I think it went into shock.
And you're feeling all of it.
And nobody warned you about it.
And nobody said, hey, your joints might ache.
You might not be feeling like yourself.
Your anxiety might be heightened, which was really what I noticed.
I'd never been scared of doing something or worried about driving.
Weird things.
I'm like, what is wrong with you?
You're the girl that went across the country as soon as you could to take your first job.
And so it's like, and then you get mad at yourself.
And that's the, that's the crappy part, right?
Is you get mad at yourself and you can't stop that cycle.
And I think that that's what those women felt when you said those words.
Yes.
And you know, because it's so many different ailments, you know that go that can be associated with perimenopause, you know, or just different symptoms rather.
It's, You know, sometimes you can sound like a hypochondriac.
It's like, you know, my ears itching, you know, and my tongue is itching.
My foot is numb.
And it's like, OK, what's going on?
I wouldn't believe me.
You know really, because it sounds foolish sometimes.
You know by so many different things.
So you kind of just tell yourself, chill out, you know, relax, girlfriend.
I think that what this has created is such a sisterhood of women feeling safe and seen and heard, and then given permission to be able to say the things that maybe you or I were brushing off of ourselves.
Why do you think that that kind of community is so important right now in the world?
Especially within menopause, I think it can be very dark.
And that suffering in silence, that is just, it's not good.
It's not good.
And just being very verbal about.
You know, I can't imagine that woman that kind of, like you know, suppresses her feelings or doesn't have anyone to talk to or anyone to.
You know, compare symptoms to or anything.
So it's like to be able to say, oh, no, you are not alone.
No, my ears itch, too.
My coochie's dry, too.
I love when you say that.
Did you get a room of people that that raise their hand when you have you asked that question yet?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Coochie's going to go in the dictionary.
Yeah.
Do you think that's going to be the word of the year?
Yeah, they do like the dictionary word of the year.
Oh, it could be.
I mean, it's a thought.
I mean, Melanie, we're changing the world right now, so why don't we do that too?
Yeah, why not?
You know, we'll tell the sisters, hey, let's go vote.
Maybe it's a voting thing.
I don't even know.
Yeah, we can vote, yeah.
You have in your book and I thought it was.
I think it's page like 37 38, flat Melanie and full Melanie.
Yeah.
And I think it's great.
And let me just pull it up real fast.
So you talk about full Melanie and flat Melanie.
Can you talk about that?
Because I think that every woman sees themselves right there.
And those are my illustrations.
Did you draw those?
I did.
You did?
I love you.
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
So it's two illustrations with the boxes, you know, if you're listening.
And you talk about just the different parts of it, like the menstrual cycle hair breasts butt, and how everything changes.
Yes, everything changes.
So, you know, I had the full bob, the bouncy, was it the bouncy boobs?
Yep.
You know, the perfect landing strip.
Yeah.
That landing strip was, I nailed it.
I nailed it.
You did a good job there.
I did.
I really, I was so proud of myself.
Yeah.
And this?
Yes.
And then there we go.
You know we have the.
Well, you know, the book was dedicated to the asshole who told me I had a computer box booty.
Yeah.
But there there it is in real time.
You know, the hair thins out a little.
Yeah.
And we go that landing strips not so perfectly. some little strays, you know, whatever I can see.
You did a good.
I don't know if you're an illustrator or not, but I think you did a good illustration.
Yes.
I think I might, that might be a new, a new path for me.
It might be your new path.
You have a wonderful husband who I met when you came into the studio.
What do you think that partners and men really need to, to know about this conversation?
Because I think that that is that next place that we have to go in all of this, so that, you know, people don't feel alone if they have a partner or a husband.
And I know it's hard for me to understand.
I know it's hard because it's just, I get it.
Like, and I tell my husband, I get it.
And I promise you all of these things are, my ears are really itching.
You know, everything is like, I don't know.
I've asked him and he's been very, very understanding, very supportive throughout everything.
And But I know not all women have that.
And the one thing about Melanie is the empathy and putting myself in another person's shoes.
And in this, in my sister's shoes, I tell my girlfriends I said with our husbands we tell them to read the room.
If I don't touch you first, you better not touch me.
No, let me initiate it.
Read the room.
Yeah, read the room.
And that is one of the biggest things.
If I'm not talking...
And if it's quiet, don't come in there crunching on food.
Like, don't.
Chewing?
Yeah, yeah.
Please don't chew.
Do not chew.
Do not chew.
And don't breathe hard.
What have you found are the things that top the list now for everybody that they don't care about?
What tops the list?
Are there a couple of top ones you think?
For sure, the cooking, you know, is, you know, we do not care if you're hungry.
We did not lock the kitchen.
You know, it's, So it's a lot of those are the relatable things that we're so used to doing.
You know, you're in a relationship and you're married or whatever.
And you want to cook and clean and do all of that.
No, darling.
No, I'm in survival mode.
I'm in survival mode.
You're right, though.
You're right.
And I think that that's the shocking part to a lot of people, because you weren't in survival mode for the first 40 years.
Right.
And now all of a sudden no one's there to take care of everybody else.
And, like you know, in the book is we're at capacity and it's in that car that day, all the things like I would come down on myself, like because I was the cook, you know I made sure breakfast lunch, dinner was made.
You know clothes were washed and all of that.
And it was just like playing in my head, like, You just let yourself just go to crap.
And you know and look at you now.
You know you're running in a store with a two little brown and, like you, really just don't care.
And I said, you know what?
Yeah, I don't care, Melanie.
I sure don't.
And let me see who wants to not care with me record.
When do you decide to do your videos now?
Because I know that you I, you know, every time one comes, I'm like press, what do we not care about?
Now, how do you decide to just come to you?
Yeah, they just come to me.
And that was one of the things that, for me, scared me because, as a creator, I don't go on social media every day and I don't because for me like, when I'm locked in, I'm locked in and if I'm already not cooking and cleaning, like me getting on social media, it's really not gonna happen.
So I got scared.
I was really nervous, you know, like I'm not going to show up the way that they think I'm going to show up, you know, and they're going to be looking for videos every day.
And what do we not care about today, Melanie?
And it's like, oh, no, you know, and to, you know, try to think of things.
But that is when on the announcements I say you know sisters, you know.
Let me know what we do not care about today in the comments.
And that is where I get a lot of our announcements from.
So many of you have asked me, Tamsen, what can I do next?
How do I advocate for myself or help move this menopause movement forward?
You don't know where to start?
I've got you.
I created something called the Menopause Action Plan Map.
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You've been meeting a lot of these women now.
And you've been in, you know, different cities already or different communities here.
What does it feel like when somebody comes up to you and grabs you?
And I mean, you know, you had lines outside of the where were you at a bookstore last night?
Where was Brooklyn?
Was it a bookstore in Brooklyn?
You had lines lined up outside of there.
I saw I saw your videos this morning.
What is that like when you pull up that car and see all those women there waiting for you?
We are eight months in.
And it's crazy because from May the 13th.
The book release was January the 13th.
So exactly eight months.
I have not processed it.
I have not processed it the way that I feel like I should.
Yeah, I just as I see it is so surreal to me.
It's just, it's just empathy.
Like just put yourself in my shoes.
Like what in the world?
I don't know.
I think, but I almost think that that's the best way to do it, because you stay just Melanie instead of somebody that somebody else wants to create.
Yes.
And I think that that makes a big difference.
And I think people know what's real.
I think people know what's real.
And I think people aren't looking for solutions or looking for someone to hear them and see them.
I think that that's what you're providing.
Yes.
You know, and I think people feel that.
Let's talk about the clubs that have been there.
They're all over the place.
They're everywhere.
Yes, they're everywhere.
Is there anybody that shocked you?
Because they're all over the world.
They're not just all over the US.
They're all over the world right now.
The first one that I saw was the Australian chapter.
Because also, you know, and I expressed that in on the platforms.
Women when I started to run, I when I logged on one day and I saw someone say that they're in the we do not care club and they're the such and such chapter.
And I said Oh, my goodness, that is genius, because then they're not just going to look for me to create videos.
And then I started to see people, you know, putting on the the, the bonnets and the robe and all of those things.
And I was that right there was so good.
And I'm not a person that likes to be in the front of the room.
That is just not it for me.
I love to get things in order and just sit to the back.
Like I said, I'll give you, I'll set it up for you.
And then I'll hold the door, get your pocketbook, you go up there and do what you have to do.
But for me now, I'm being forced to be to the front.
And so after I saw the chapters, I was like, yes, you know, it's going, it's intentional.
I can fall back some.
And then I started to see We want to thank our fearless leader, Melanie Sanders.
Who told y'all to say my name?
You know, I couldn't run from it.
And that's why when things like this happen, it's like it didn't happen by chance, you know.
And I just have to be able to be OK with that.
And that has it definitely has taken a lot out of me.
And it still does, you know, to see at this book tour.
So many women, like, lining up and speaking life into me and through me.
It's like, it's very emotional.
And I'm just trying to just accept it.
Just accept it.
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What is the part that touches your heart the most?
Is it knowing that you've been where they are?
Or is it knowing that you've allowed them to speak and given them permission?
Yes.
And not even where they are.
Like I am with all of, like we're all going through.
And that's the part where I now have like different communities on different platforms, so that I can
One of the things that kind of saddened me was, although I was growing by the day, I couldn't have that connection anymore with, with people.
One-on-one people or people that you're familiar seeing online.
Yes, yes, yes.
Because before you know, like again I had, my platform was growing and I go on Tuesdays and Thursdays spend the day with me, kind of thing.
And I just, honey, I have my girlfriends from across the world.
It's like, Hey girl, you know what you're doing?
Or, you know, that kind of thing.
And we check in on each other, you know, and then I couldn't do that anymore.
And it's like I cannot lose connection, you know.
But all of it is just like just taking my time and just understanding that my purpose is greater and that I'll find a way.
You know I'll find a way.
And so in these smaller groups, I do like little mastermind classes.
I have not announced the group aloud online because I don't want you know.
I want to be very intentional.
The one thing that we've, we did self-care last week, self-care.
Right.
The one thing that I noticed when we were talking about self-care and I think this instinctually happens to women like we go into it's not that we're trying to be know-it-alls or anything like that, but it's like we just oh yeah, this is what I do for my self-care and this is what I and sometimes it gives that appearance that your life is grand.
Figured out.
You got it figured out.
And so for me, being that person that always thinks about Everyone.
What does this look like?
You know like I used to run from even sharing that my husband was super supportive because I didn't want to other women that didn't have that support.
I always do that.
That's something that is just like one of my old bosses said.
She said Melanie, you dummy down too much.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's that's it's just hard because I'm just thinking about that that woman that doesn't have it.
And so you know what I was trying to relay in that, in that mastermind, was we don't have to talk about the things that are fixed.
Maybe let's talk about those things that are broken and we don't necessarily have to try to fix those things.
But just to be able to just say that it's there, you know.
Did you notice that it reached people deeper that way, instead of everyone trying to give the list of their perfections?
Yeah, I do think that.
But I think it's going to take even more time because, you know, all women are different.
You know, some for me, it's OK.
I'll raise my hand and say my coochie's dry, you know.
Because, you know, my coochie is dry.
Have you shocked anybody on television with that?
Do they know what to do when you say that?
Melanie is a hot mess where she goes.
And it's like I said, God, you know, you got to work with me because I'm very random.
You know, I'm just I'm a hot mess, you know, sometimes.
But you're our hot mess.
And I love it.
And we're a hot mess along with you.
Yes, it is a lot.
It's a lot.
But some women aren't OK with saying that.
And it's okay, because it's not everybody's business.
You know, did your coochie dry?
You know, just using that as an example.
But it's like just being able to just be okay with your situation.
Like we just a lot of times just suppress, you know, or put it to the back and we wear that mask.
And so on top of the things that we're suppressing or masking, Our bodies are constantly changing.
That can lead to disaster if we don't nip it in the bud.
You're right.
And I think that the suffering and silence, but just living in silence.
And that's really what we've seen women do for so long.
And now you're, you know, helping them feel if they decide that they want to talk about that.
It seems like a lot of them do.
Yes.
It seems like a lot of, do you know how many chapters you have now around the?
No, because chapters form, you know.
They just keep going.
Yeah, we can have any kind of chapter.
Dr. Marie Claire and I did one right here in the studio.
Yes.
You saw the other side of the wall.
Yes.
We had a good time with that.
Yes, I loved it.
I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy for you.
And I've gotten to know you a little bit outside of here and that's been really special for me.
And I think that that's what this community of women does.
When I set out from leaving my job as a journalist and going into this full time in terms of advocacy and talking to women in whatever journalism in this area, I realized that the people that I got to know were like a different type of friend.
It's a different type of community.
Like it's very, I don't know, it's just very close knit and clear.
And it's based on this helping other women.
And there's something really different about that and special about that.
It is because a lot of times you can go into rooms and it's just so stuffy.
You know, and you know.
It's either the comparisons or you know, and the beauty in the We Do Not Care Club, like it crosses everything.
All barriers.
Like it is it is just, you know, a melting pot of everything.
You know, we have a Jewish club.
We have I mean, it's so many different clubs.
And yeah, single moms club, you know, a caregiver's chapter rather.
That's a big one.
Yeah.
It's just so special needs.
It's so many.
Can I curse?
The fuck your feelings chapter.
Like, fuck your feelings chapter.
That's like, I need to get in that one.
No, I begged.
I said, can I please be a part of the chapter, please?
You know, but it's so many and that like that need to just let down that wall.
You know you walk in a room and it's so funny because I was on Drew Barrymore, you know, earlier on.
And now this is my first TV appearance ever.
And guess who's sitting next to me?
Halle Berry.
Now, I said, God, you got jokes.
And he's like, what in the world?
And I said, you know, she's sitting there crossing her legs and looking all cute.
And I'm sitting with my big back.
It's like, and this ain't fair.
But then it was just like, Melanie, girl, you are you.
You know, Halle is Halle and Melanie is Melanie.
And I've definitely um, you know, because you know for sure, I've been introduced to, you know, the other side and all of my sisters that are, you know, in Hollywood and it is, but what I just know is that we are all in this thing together, you know.
So like I tell Hallie, I said, well, you know, your coochie might bedazzle.
And then I just got some regular coochie, but that coochie is coochie.
Okay.
At the end of the day it is.
Yeah.
So it's, Just I really like for me, it is that that top layer.
I was speaking to someone yesterday, actually.
And as she was speaking, she was like really strong about how she felt about the need to maybe not do something, like not use hormones to do it naturally or to do
And that is nothing wrong with it.
Nothing at all.
But for me, it's like I'm thinking about that woman that.
You know, like she might be at her wit's end.
You know, she just doesn't.
I would not want to discourage her from doing anything that could possibly help her, because this thing can get dark.
Yes, it can get dark, you know.
And then the only thing we can do is look back and remember how she was kind of quiet.
You know, she didn't say much or, you know, yeah, we did look at her kind of funny a lot.
She was acting out.
But that's a dark place to be in.
It is.
It's a dark place.
It is.
And we have to make sure that all those women are seen, too.
Yes.
They're not speaking out or shouting out or or doing anything.
But but that we're aware.
Yes.
See if they can get help.
Yes.
And sometimes me, I need the help.
You know, it's been so many days where you know and I always say this I am not the expert at this thing know, i am right here with you.
We are in this thing together and there are going to be days where i feel like i can climb the biggest mountain out there, but then there's some days where i want to get under my bed.
I am depressed, i am stressed, i'm not that rage is there, you know, the sadness is there and i'll hit record many times, because this is a journey, you know, and the more we look at this, we can be strong.
We definitely can.
But I don't want anybody to put me in this category of she the fearless leader.
The hell if I am fearless.
I changed my panty line to six times a day, pissing on myself, just thinking about being, you know saying the fearless leader.
You know like no, I have my fears.
Even doing this, I'm doing it scared.
I'm doing the anxiety that came with even writing a book.
When that was introduced to me, it was like absolutely not, absolutely not.
I said no, really.
You said no.
Oh, my goodness.
Yes, this book is incredible.
Though it's so incredible, are you happy with the response that you've had to this book?
Because this book is like you can carry it with you, you can put it in your bag, you can put it in your purse, you can have it all the time.
This is gonna be on bedside tables for like a long time.
Yes yes, I really do feel it.
Yeah, and but you know, as I share my story, like this book has sold numbers already.
And I think as of earlier today, it was number nine.
Yeah.
On Amazon.
Yeah, of course.
That's like, it's a surreal feeling.
But like, for me, I want my sisters to see just me, just regular Melanie.
When you look at my videos, I don't have on the makeup and stuff.
I'm really a hot mess.
And A lot of times, I'm not running to look for these things.
I just have on my robe.
I have on my bonnet.
My brain is going good.
Let me press record.
Let me go find my highlighter in my notebook.
Let's do this.
How many highlighters do you have?
They're all over the house.
The same way I have glasses, I have highlighters.
I just hit record.
I really want sisters to be able to see through me.
I'm just a regular, everyday woman that hit record. and accidentally started a movement.
It's incredible.
And changing millions of lives all around the world.
Melanie, thank you so much.
I'm so glad we got to have this conversation.
Now we did do something.
If people are listening, that you will actually see on social, because we want to be really honest with people.
And there are some people that don't do hormone therapy, but there's other people that do.
And it's always been something we've hidden and not talked about, because it leaves a nasty glue mark on you.
And because you're in the bathroom and you have to pull all different things and change your patch.
So we did that together.
So that was nice to share that patch moment with you.
Yes, yes, yes.
We definitely have to do something.
And I really want us to have like we have to just do it all together.
We have to do it together like a change of patch day.
And I think so, because if.
If we do that, then we all remember how to do it or remember when to do it.
Because sometimes I skip my days.
Do you ever skip your days?
Oh, yeah.
So if we do it all together.
I'm late today.
I was supposed to be yesterday.
And I'm supposed to be later tonight.
All right.
We need to do something.
Yeah.
We need to get that patch under control.
We got to get in unison here and do that.
I am really excited about the rest of our conversation tonight.
We're going to be leaving here and continuing on your tour.
What do you want to see next, Melanie?
What would be important for you to see?
If there's one woman listening right now and you want her to really hear what you have to say and she just doesn't know where to begin with all of it and just feels in a dark place or lost, what do you want her to know?
Number one, I just want her to definitely know that she's not alone.
She's not alone in her feelings and Many of the circumstances that us women have to deal with, you know, from being mothers, to wives, to caregivers, you know, to our parents, all of those things like it, can really weigh on you.
And sometimes you can just feel like you're by yourself.
And, you know, on top of having our bodies changed. you're not by yourself.
You're not alone.
This is a sisterhood where within the WDNC, we're going to stick together.
So many friendships have been made through WDNC.
It is, my heart is so full.
It is so full.
Thank you for turning on your camera that day.
So thank you.
I'm going to make sure all the links are down below, including a link to this fabulous book.
You know.
If this episode resonated with you, I really encourage you to pick up the official We Do Not Care.
Club handbook.
I'm going to leave the link in the show notes so you can join the We Do Not Care Club and spend more time with Melanie.
Before you go, if you can take a moment and leave a review of the show, it truly helps us reach more women who need these types of conversations right now.
Thanks so much for listening, and I will see you next time on The Tamsen Show.
Today's podcast is sponsored by Midi Health.
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