My Tony Robbins podcast just posted a couple of days ago and got more engagement than any video on my channel for the last two plus years.
And I got tons of questions about like, what's happening next, how I plan to pursue, you know, the promise I made of getting 100000 guys to 100000 and a bunch of other stuff.
And since Layla and I spent a lot of time talking about it before, during and after the podcast.
Yeah.
We're going to sit down.
I'm going to ask Alex some questions about it that you guys had.
That I found looking through the comments, looking through the repost, looking through all the articles people have written about it.
So hopefully this will answer a lot of the questions.
And I'm going to ask Layla questions back.
We will converse.
So I thought it would be fun to ask you questions about the podcast and just like honestly, the questions I had.
And the questions that I think people were asking because I read through a lot of the comments.
I saw a lot of the things that people were posting online.
And so I wanted to ask you selfishly because I want to know some of these answers.
And then I think these other people would like to know the answers, too.
Is that cool?
Sounds so cool.
We're going to find out.
Were you nervous when you were interviewing Tony?
Yeah, I was nervous in the beginning.
I think there's two things.
One was right.
When I started the podcast I like hit the thing on my phone because I had kind of scripted out a nice intro.
And it deleted as I hit it.
And then he was there.
So I was like, well, fuck.
So I was like, all right.
What was I about to say?
I saw that when you were like, it deleted.
And then you were like, he's going to fuck.
Yeah, that's right.
I was just like, there's no point.
Like, here we are.
So that was one.
And I think that just probably carried a little bit into it.
And then...
Yeah.
I think it just came down to like, I just cared.
You know what I mean?
Like I wanted to, I didn't want to waste his time.
I wanted to make sure that it was good.
I also, you were there.
So I wanted to make sure that like you thought it was good.
And there's just people that I cared about who were, who were there.
And so I just wanted to make, I would give a fuck.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know if anyone's like been around Tony, but he's a force.
I mean like he is, he's, he is who he says he is.
And I think he's an incredible person.
We've been with him three times and uh yeah, he's the same way.
He's always like that.
I've always been a fan.
I mean it's been like 14 15 6 no, oh god, i'm old.
It's been i know.
Oh my god, it's only 17 years.
Yeah, that's so scary.
You were, you were watching at age five.
Yeah, i was a baby.
Yeah um yeah no i, because i saw people were like oh, is Alex nervous?
I'm like, dude, of course you get nervous.
What do you mean?
You want to do a good job.
You care.
I feel like nervousness is when you care.
Yeah.
I think part of it is like, I'm a big fan of prep.
Right.
And so, like anybody's hold a launch, like I prepare, I practice lots and lots of times to make sure things sound flawless.
And then going into something.
I feel great about it because I'm like I have done this so many times that I'm bored of doing it.
And that's when I know I'm prepared.
But with that one, I had prepared and then it got deleted.
So that sucked.
But also, so you don't know which way it's going to go.
So there's just always, I think a little more stakes.
You know, a lot of people, I was reading through the comments.
There are a lot of comments watching the podcast.
They're like, are you okay?
Like, are you miserable?
And I think it's interesting because, like as your wife and business partner, even this It's not what I get most of the time, you know.
And so I'm curious, like why do you think people who watch a lot of your content, why do you think there's a perception that you're like um, what is it like?
Grind, work yourself to death?
Do you think that's an accurate perception?
Yeah.
This is my first question.
So one recording, you always want to be as natural as possible.
The problem is there's always that extra variable, which is that one it's being recorded.
And two, for me, at least in my set, it's like I have five people behind this camera.
And so there's fundamentally different condition than just like you and me being in a room doing whatever.
Right.
So one, there's different conditions.
Yeah.
Calm down.
Right.
Second is that the nature of the people in the room.
So I have a disproportionately young male crew and we're actually working on this because, like consciously subconsciously, like i want to make sure that it's valuable for them, because they're like humans and they're in the room, and so i tend to just like probably think yeah probably, that's how i think about.
I walk in and i'm like i'm like fuck yeah no, my reporting studio looks like the death star, which i hate, but that's another time, for another time.
But like i, i want to make sure that it's.
It's like good for you know, good for them, and so a lot of them need more of that.
I think they're like then, like Hey, everything's going to be awesome.
Enjoy life.
I mean, it's interesting.
Cause like, if I walk into the sales, the sales den, I'm like get to work.
You know you're like it's a different energy you've got to put into it.
So I, yeah, I get that.
It's actually interesting.
Cause I was sharing with the team.
I wish I like when I first started making content, everyone would be like, you're so intense.
You're like a robot.
I had like a 19, a 20 year old, all these dudes who, like I, didn't feel like I could be vulnerable in front of them or talk about anything.
Like it was just like I felt like and I'm like their female boss that I already want to make sure they're taking seriously and respecting.
And like it was just a lot of.
So I think there's always an element that I I remember making the team aware of.
I was like do you guys know?
It's very awkward for me to film in front of you with some of these personal things.
And they were like, why?
I was like, because my job.
We ain't like that.
Because I'm not an influencer because I'm your boss first and foremost.
Yeah, right.
I'm not the talent.
And I think that's a very interesting dynamic.
So.
Yeah.
I think that'd be a huge unlock for you is having some estrogen in the room.
Yeah.
We're working on getting at least one estrogen in the room for now.
But then the last part of the question was like are you always this, you know?
Are you miserable, or are you always this hardcore?
Which I think are separate questions.
But no, I don't think I'm miserable.
I mean, you know me better than anyone.
I feel like I'm actually feel like I'm just very even for the most part.
Like, I don't I think that's most I think I have high.
I have low peaks and I have low valleys.
I think that in front of a camera, you act you, you.
You have more neutrality than I think.
You're more playful in real life.
That's fair.
Behind like closed doors.
You walk around this place.
I do fuck with everyone.
That's true.
With everybody.
You like crack jokes the whole time.
I do fuck with everybody.
Yes, this is true.
Like, I feel like if somebody followed you, the camera, they'd be like, is this for real?
Oh, I, so one of the biggest, so I don't, I don't know if you know this.
So, uh, one of the editors, I was like, why is this taking so long?
Like honestly, like during the, the shoots uh, editing out all the, the raucous shit you say that's completely not hr compliant.
I am aware of that because people tell me, and to worry about it as we get bigger as a company, like if this gets out um, i'm not politically correct fyi, if anyone didn't know um, we would have never guessed.
Yeah right so um, but am i hardcore?
I think there's there's, there's portions of me that are hardcore for sure when it comes to doing the absolutely um, and i think part of it is like what do i think you know for specific music content?
Like i think, a lot of times, the stuff i put out is the stuff i feel like i needed, which was like it's okay for things to suck.
Like, if things are great, you don't need someone to tell you it's okay that they're great.
I think it's more important to hear that it's okay that they suck.
Yeah, i don't disagree with that.
Like i think they think that they still suck, even when you get to your level.
That's hard.
Yeah, because it's like people, what do people aspire for?
Yeah, I hear that.
You got to let them know that you're not that miserable, you know?
No.
Yeah, I mean, this was the crux of the whole interview.
I think I have no problem with how my life is.
Tony then, as any you know salesperson would say, is like well, you asked the question, which means you want more.
It's like, well, of course I'll always want better.
I'll always want more, but I'm not dissatisfied with my life.
I, I will always strive for more.
What do you think his perception came from?
What do you mean the nature of the question?
I feel like led there.
I feel like that.
And he said, he said he watched your content.
Did he?
Yes.
Oh, play that clip.
Yeah.
Fact check.
Fact check.
He said, I've seen some of your content.
Yeah.
He said very analytical.
Yeah, sure.
I think it's interesting because it's like this.
I mean, I don't know if this is, but like, for me it's like okay, I'm trying to teach people things about business.
I'm not assessing the emotional, vulnerable side of myself when I'm doing that.
But then your brand becomes big enough that people are like, are you not a human?
And you're like, oh my God, I was trying to teach.
When I'm in teaching mode, it's like a different mode than human mode.
Well, yeah.
And to that, to that end, for me again, like the making, the content that I wanted or needed was I.
I personally struggle with vague language.
And so I always try to be like, well, what is, what do I have to do for joy?
What do I have to do for heart?
What do I have to do for passion?
Otherwise I don't know what it means.
And so that's why I have to spend like so much time trying to define things, because otherwise it's like I could just shout at the camera and be like, be passionate.
But it's like, what does that mean?
I don't know what that means.
And so that's, and to be fair, that was some of the nature of the questions that I had with Tony.
But I've tried to make my content for someone like me who's just like just tell me exactly what to do.
Yeah, I get that.
And I think because if you're in that frame, then you're going to be thinking through that lens.
Like, how do I break this down?
Yeah, it's interesting.
I think, what I learned from well.
What was your biggest takeaway from that piece of content?
Doing so well?
I think that the intro had a portion of it just saying like I could have tried to make this some algorithm thing, but I just wanted to ask the questions I wanted to ask.
I think that framed the conversation differently than maybe some other content.
And I think I think on some level, probably if I had to guess, it'd be relatability.
I think a lot of people independent of like whatever your achievement is like, everyone has reached micro level peaks and been like is this it?
And whether that's like you had a billion dollars, you had 10000, or you graduate high school or you graduate with a PhD.
You win an award, whether it's the Nobel prize or you know best for your, your little community.
Like it still feels it's a win.
You know what I mean?
Um, and I think a lot of people have worked hard had the thing they want to have happen, to what degree whatever.
Um, and then been like, is this it or, and, or is this right?
And I think a lot of us just want to know like we're on the right path.
And I think that's what probably, like the, the crux of that interview was for me was like I have always defined my.
I've defined my value by utility, not by my enjoyment.
And I've, and I mean, to be fair, I mean, it is very much a worldview of mine.
Do you define success by utility rather than?
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Because I remember when I was in college, when I was really obsessed with happiness and positive psychology.
I think the terminology
One of the first things you told me on our like second date.
Yeah.
And because I took the hypothetical extreme of like, what is the happiest person in the world?
It's the monks, the Tibetan monks that meditate for, you know, 16 hours a day.
They're forced into deviation.
Measurably, they're the happiest people like standard force into deviations above the norm in terms of subjective well-being.
But when I thought about like that, versus Steve jobs or Elon, somebody who I think at least for by their own admission are relatively miserable people, but they've helped so many people.
I'm like, which one would I rather be?
And I think maybe it's a hero complex, but like I would rather be like.
I'll sacrifice my enjoyment of life to make the world better.
And I think on some level, like I feel more satisfied with that and I can That that pushes me through things.
Whereas if I'm in the hills meditating with no belongings and no responsibilities, I'm sure that I could increase my subjective well-being.
But like, so what?
Like that's avoidance to a degree.
Yeah.
And to be fair, I'm sure I'm sure we're gonna have to bed monks in the comments.
It's not what it's about.
But no but and, and then, of course, Tony's a great like.
Well, how do we, you know, how do we do both?
And I think that was the nature of the question was like can I, can I continue to have the impact that I, that I believe that we're, you know we're building towards?
Um well, we've talked about this for the last year.
Yeah.
Because all this stuff happened with my health a year ago.
And we did start having that conversation.
There's not something we've really, well, I don't think you've talked about health.
I don't know what your health.
No, just like our talking about being able to spend more time with each other, have more time.
You'll see my family and your family more like uh, some of those things, like those have been conversations that we've had.
Has that given?
I don't know.
I don't think i've talked much about it.
Yeah, so i thought it was interesting because it's like he was asking these things and i was like i actually feel like we both made a lot of progress in the last year, despite it being, i'd say, the first half of the year was like fairly shitty, quite shitty.
It was probably the shittiest year i had um a local minimum.
I also think that the good thing about pain in any regard is that it makes you stop and reflect.
And I think like we both said, like, like I tend to get very obsessive over things.
I think you are obsessive over things.
We probably both reinforce each other's obsessiveness.
It's worked out and it's worked well.
But at some point you know, at least for me I was like I, I want to have a little bit more of the other stuff too, and not because I like, want it, want it.
Like, I think I, I, I get so much reinforcement out of work because we work together too.
And my dad works in the business.
Like it's, I love the people we work with.
Like it's fun.
But I was like, I think that I will be able to sustain over a longer time horizon.
This.
If I don't, if I prioritize a little bit more of these other things, the trouble I have is like I don't think I will just like that.
Tony brought up, like, you'll have this explosion of energy, this exponent.
It was like I have like from a from like output perspective, like I do not suffer from lack of energy.
Like I, I can work for a very long time per day and days in a row.
And I I also think cause.
The thing that I struggle with is like I think about like 2000 years ago.
I think about a farmer on the field like just doing rice patties for the entirety of his life so that he could provide for his family.
And I just don't see that as a bad life.
Like, I don't think that guy like sucks.
I think there's a lot of honor in that.
And I think this is where like, uh, Tony brought up the duty thing.
He's like, well, if you define this in a certain way, um, as a good thing.
Um, and I do define duty as a good thing.
Like I see a man's duty to his family, to his company, to the people that are around.
Like I see that as something.
If anything, it's probably one of the things I'm most proud of.
Um is fulfilling what I believe to be my my, duty.
Um like, I'll put my brick in the wall like, I will do like, and then I will die, and that'll be fine.
And somebody else will put their brick in the wall above mine and I'm good with it.
And so Um, I mean this, that was the whole.
I mean that was the whole conversation, because obviously Tony has helped more people more successful than me do better in some way.
And this is, this is kudos to you.
Like before I had the conversation.
Um, you really just reminded me you're like dude, just be open.
You know what I mean?
And so I think it can be tougher.
You know, I think for for guys in general um, to be more open.
Also, like in my content especially, it's like i have a bunch of young dudes behind the camera.
I'm not like, hey guys, let me bear my heart to you, um and so uh, but no, just you're queuing beforehand and honestly, you being in the room, like think about how many times that we've actually recorded in the same room.
It's not often like this, like you've been in the like the room room for recording like i don't know two or three, i mean not a lot of times.
Right, It was actually all because of you.
That's why it did well.
That's that's.
I think that's really my biggest takeaway of why the content did well was that you do that.
All right.
Great.
So I think I think we got it.
I think we nailed it.
Right.
We got it.
Yeah.
No, I understand.
I mean I think about it because I'm like it's it's tough for guys because if you I mean like I was talking to you about this because I said I mean I'm just completely transparent.
I told you, I was like I think that you could be a little bit more vulnerable and like share a little bit more of like how you feel, because you look how you look.
You've accomplished what you've accomplished.
Good.
You have like a very.
You've accomplished things that are incredible and you've done a lot of really hard shit.
But if I were to tell that to like all dudes and I was like, you should be a little more vulnerable.
Like I mean even to me as a woman would look at some of them and they hadn't accomplished those things.
They didn't look like you.
They hadn't done all this hard shit.
And I'd be like, oh, that's a little weak.
You know, some weak shit.
Right.
It's real.
No, super real.
Super real.
Yeah.
And so it's interesting because, like I think right now, when I look at like women, I feel like I get rewarded for being tough and I think I get rewarded for being vulnerable.
Yeah.
I think for guys, you only get rewarded for showing that side or even is accepted.
Yeah.
Once you get to a certain level, like if if Tony Robbins cries, nobody gives a fuck.
They're like, he's an amazing human.
Like, it's not even a thought.
It's just like he's a six, seven billionaire.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I see you the same way.
Like, if you choke up, it's like actually incredibly meaningful and moves people.
I don't think I know.
Thank you.
Cry more.
Why would I cry more?
I cried at our wedding.
So Alex cried at her wedding.
I did not.
I didn't know what was happening.
Yeah.
It was dead on the inside.
No, I was excited, but it was, it was the first time you ever cried in front of me.
Yeah.
Um, I was like, you're in now, but I do think that's hard for guys.
I mean, I think, in general it's a change in behavior though, because like what, like what took you to get you here?
It doesn't get you there.
Whatever.
It's like you're only allowed to show weakness when, when you are not weak as a guy, like if you have, if you have, like it's it is, it's a hundred and it's a double standard is what it is.
But like, if a guy's, you know, a loser by, by societal norms, you know what I mean?
Um, them being like, Oh my God, like things are hard.
People are like bro, you need to just like fucking lose some weight, get out of the house, do something before you're like allowed to do that.
Like, of course you're sad.
Like you have nothing going for you.
But at a certain point, I guess at some point it flips where you just seem intimidating.
Unrelatable.
Unrelatable.
Yeah, that's a better word.
Do you think that there's a difference between your public persona and how you act?
Yeah.
Not on purpose.
But I think... I thought about this a lot.
But basically...
One, I'm making almost exclusively teaching content when I'm making stuff.
And so it's like I'm not like spending my day teaching people.
It's not like really what my time is.
It's in this micro thing because we're trying to maximize the value per second for anybody who's consuming it.
The other thing is that content that if I make 10 pieces of content and one piece of content is like more hardcore, and if there's a need or demand for hardcore content, that one piece of content will get a hundred times the views as my other nine.
And so my input ratio is nine to one.
Like maybe nicer or more neutral or whatever, but like I might emote, but from a more grindy you know, grind set mindset perspective, because like stuff does suck a lot of times, my big belief is like there's nothing wrong with that.
It's just part, it's just part of getting there.
Um, and even Tony said that too.
He was like listen, it's not always you know sunshine and rainbows when you're, when you're pursuing things you want, it's just what it is.
And so I think preparing that and if anything like being the extreme version of that, so that hopefully it's like you prepare as hard as possible so that life is easier.
Um, And so, but that, that one video gets a hundred times the view.
So from a representation perspective, the brand can appear far more lopsided because of the algorithm, not because of my inputs or my desire.
That's a really good point.
I think I've had that because like, I remember you were on Twitter.
Everyone thinks we have relationship content and we had to.
I mean, the people who are listening to this don't know this, but like we had to, we had to limit like a marriage relationship.
Well, it's probably some people.
But like, When you and I do like posts together yeah, did those posts outperformed our norm by like 10 X?
Because it was like yeah, everyone has relationships in marriage.
And so all of a sudden, and we had to like tell our team like no, we're not trying to be the relationship or marriage people.
No, exactly.
But also to your question of like, well, does it represent reality?
Well, of course not because we're purposely curating, like we're just talking about business, because we don't want to.
We don't purport to have perfected.
You know, we've only been together 10 years, right.
Like there's plenty of people who've been married for 40 years and they have more context on this stuff than we do.
And we, it's not like we really act.
I mean we study.
I mean of course we, you know we invest in our relationship and we study and reread stuff.
But I wouldn't say, like I would say, our business acumen is superior to our relational acumen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so, and I think we're more comfortable saying that.
And so that's what we talk about.
Like we're big believers in proof.
And so it's like, we have a lot of proof here.
So this is what we talk about in our content.
But it doesn't mean that the concept is everything.
But people's perceptions are what they see, which I can understand.
I was thinking we have incredibly unrealistic and high standards of what good enough is and we're probably better than most of the relationship gurus.
But I'm being honest.
I can say that at this point.
That's right.
I can say that.
Yeah.
It's fine.
We've made it a decade.
We've got our first double digits.
Also, like the amount of time you spend together, the experiences you have together.
We did this math.
We did this math.
We've had the equivalent of like a 60-year marriage for the average couple that spends two hours or three hours a night together.
We haven't killed each other.
Yeah, I know.
Well, yeah.
You never know.
Every day we'd be slipping that cyanide into that bacon cheese.
Layla would definitely kill by poisoning.
By poison?
I think so.
Well, I have some questions for you.
Yeah, yeah.
Go for it.
What do you want to know about my non-interview with Tony?
Well, I was going to say what part of it hit the hardest for you.
Because you said you cheered out.
I couldn't see because I was interviewing.
I think the part that resonated and made the most sense to me was him talking about the moonshot goal.
Because I think the book launch was that for you.
I think that you have this ability to set a very descriptive, tangible goal on something very big, and i think that that's actually really important and even though when you're like working towards it, you seem like you're not sleeping well, you're doing all this stuff.
Like i still feel like you're happy you're doing it and i like prefer you doing that, even though it's worse for me.
So this is because like, we spend more time together when we're not charging towards something.
Yeah, But I think both of us feel more alive when we have like a goal like that.
And like I, I need goals like that, too.
And so you know, for me it's like I think that and also just say like I see a lot of like there's a struggle for men right now, I think, in general, and women and relationships, this whole stuff.
Right.
I think, like guys need a quest, they have something to do, like they need to have something that they're working towards, and i think that a lot of i was talking to somebody earlier saying like i think that sometimes they're punished for that by people that they're with, by their other, by society, for like trying to accomplish something and told like that's wrong and it's materialistic or it's all these things.
Like it's all this stuff, but i don't think it's about it's, in my opinion, because it's I like having those goals.
It is not about the money.
It is not about the outcome.
It is about who you become, accomplishing them, and that you feel like you're doing greater good for others.
And I think for me that's a very like masculine part of myself.
But I feel that way with the company, for example, like leading the company doing all the things I do here, like that feels incredibly gratifying, like more than anything.
And it's often painful in the short term, but it pays off in the longterm.
And I get to see the fruits of my labor.
I think, watching that part of the interview and weaving it in with all the other content I've seen around him, I think what he's really good at is incentivizing people to build out these very tangible goals that are above what they thought was possible.
And I think it's something that you did with the book launch.
That, I think, like the unlock, is.
What's that next one for you?
And it's something that's more tangible from not just the business value standpoint, but also the impact standpoint.
I think that it's basically like, how do you marry the two into one goal?
That was like my takeaway.
It's like the goal, it's kind of like John Mackey, he had his book, you know, he's the founder.
Yeah.
And it had the star of like.
Basically, how do you make it a win for the community, the business, the client, the customer, the partner, et cetera?
It's like, how do you create that moonshot goal that does all those things?
And I think we're at a point now where it's like it's not even interesting unless we have something that can not just be impressive from a business standpoint.
Like i tell the team all the time it's like i know we can build a 10 billion dollar company doing private equity, do all this, but like i have zero interest in that if it doesn't make the world better in some way.
How do we do that?
And so that was like my biggest takeaway from things that i took for myself and things that i took for you just observations, like hopefully, i'd say like inspiration for other people watching it, because i think a lot of people are just they're too scared to set those goals, because what if i fail?
My big takeaway was actually maybe like a tiny small comment that he made, but it was about creating the emotional tie towards it.
Because, from an impact perspective, you know we set the.
You know I was saying I want to do 100000 men to 100000.
But like school, we've got already several hundred thousand people who use it to literally pursue that end.
The amount of people who messaged me after the podcast being like I'm already one of those guys like here's my hundred thousand, Here's why you got me there.
I, you know, I became a millionaire.
Like, we get stopped in the street all the time like I'm a millionaire because you like I, we get that a lot, and so it's not about of course, it's about the impact, right.
So you have the, the, the business outcome, you have the impact outcome.
Like we donated, you know, 3.6 million books at the launch.
So like there was the impact side of it and people every day, thousands of people every day, are getting books for free because other people paid for them.
Like, which is awesome.
Um, but I have no emotional connection to it.
Right.
And even when somebody stops me in the street, it's a it's a 60 second conversation and I love seeing it and I'm like that's awesome, but I'm not like drawn to tears.
And so also part of it was like the expectation, like where's the watermark for how, how emotionally invested I get?
And I know Tony said he still, you know, appreciates everything.
And I think um, I always have this hard time of like there are acceptable things to say in that setting.
And, like I, in an in another mood and another day, I would probably say exactly what Tony said and be like and every time someone comes up to me, I'm always grateful.
And it's always amazing.
But Just like, I think Tony even said this, but like you get used to everything.
And so like, how do you not get used to things, including the impact?
And so for me, it's like, it doesn't change anything about what I'm going to do.
We're still going to do that because what I want, like my logical brain, will still be there at night, being like we're doing a good job.
We're doing good stuff, but it would be great to have some of the quote emotional highs that go with it, which my then meta takeaway from that was that you need novelty, and in the impact itself, in order to not have a hedonic adaptation to it.
Well, and when you accomplish a lot of really big stuff, you get acclimated to big reinforcers.
And then it's like people who speak on stage all the time and they're like everyone's clapping and they're like I feel nothing.
It's like, that's just being a human getting used to the stimulus.
So yeah, no, I get that.
Just gotta go.
Just gotta get bigger. which I feel like is the basis of a lot of the stuff that I talked about.
It's just like, yeah, it's do the boring work.
It's, you know, it's suffering is finding goals that you're worth is, is worth suffering for.
Right.
And a lot, and I obviously Tony was against that definition, but that is real for me.
And I know, and I know it's real for a lot of other people.
Well, I think one way I think about it, you're just an alternative is I I'm like, life is 50, 50.
Make the 50% shitty worth it with the 50% good being doing good enough.
You know what I mean?
It can't always be sunny.
It can't always be sunny.
No matter what path you take whether it's to flip burgers at McDonald's or to build a business that feeds a billion people 50 of your life is going to be shitty, because that's how the human brain works.
And so how do we make the other 50% as good as possible?
I think about that.
And not finding a problem with rain.
Yeah, like not saying it's a bad thing to have hard stuff and go through hard times.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree with that.
Let me ask my second question.
If you could have asked Tony a follow-up question, what would it have been?
Oh, shit.
I didn't think about that.
See, I'm off the cuff.
You know, I have questions you didn't expect.
I have an internal conflict, which is like you know, as you know, which is like I have this side of me that's like super obsessive and goal oriented.
And I feel like and not just goal oriented for the sake of achieving goals, but like I didn't, I like helping people and like that, I do feel the impact.
And I like watching somebody succeed in the company and coaching somebody and seeing somebody like become a great leader and seeing all these people like that is super rewarding for me.
And I get super obsessive about it.
And I forget about literally everything else, including myself, my body relationships, et cetera, which you know um, and that's fairly easy for me to do and it also is really rewarding.
And then there's this other side of me that's like i have these other goals that i have in life, but they don't seem like they serve a greater good and they don't help anybody but me and they will detract from this one.
And i think sometimes, you know, it's like i'm i've shifted of like okay, i'm going to a season where like, I'm still stewarding the company and we're doing these things.
But I also have these personal things that are going to detract from this this goal.
And I don't know how to word this question, but it's almost like reconciling.
What is a better use of your life?
Right.
Yeah.
Like literally conflicting priorities.
Like it's very easy to continue down a path if you have aligned priorities.
Right.
Like you can make an argument that like, working out and eating healthy is going to help you in business because you'll have more energy and you'll be in less pain.
Blah blah, blah.
Right.
But it's when the when achieving the big thing comes at a price of something else, that then you're like wait.
I also want this other thing.
Where do I make the trade and what trade is perfect?
And I just don't think there is actually an answer.
I don't either.
And I think I want someone to give me one because it feels like this, like two lives that I see.
And I'm like I don't want, like I think I want a mix, but it's like OK well, what does?
It's just like I'm in a transition phase, for sure.
So I think it's.
I would want help managing that, which I'd probably take a lot of time to think about how I would ask the question, because I'm not really sure.
So I think I saw some of the comments as well, which is like, so so now what?
So what are you going to do now or what are we going to do now?
Because I see us in the same boat together.
Um, I feel like I could actually consolidate my like if I had to take the whole interview and say, like what were the boiled down?
Like what, what was it?
I consolidated it to, I have everything you want.
I have the money, I have the impact, I have the happiness.
You don't have what you want.
And so I am a trusted resource to helping you get it.
And so that creates the initial motivating, like why I should listen.
And then the instructions of like how to unlock unlimited power, right?
Uh, unleash the giant within.
Uh was think about something that you've had an emotional tie to in your past, that you want to help other people who had that same experience.
That's very big.
And allow that thing to orient your behavior going forward, so that when you take action from here on out it's in alignment with that big thing which lights you up, even if the minutia of what you're doing in the moment might not be.
You know, sunshine and rainbows.
So technically, what does the next year look like for you, Mr. Elks?
I think the actual plans that we have right now um, to achieve that, and maybe it means we need to make the goal bigger.
But like, you and i have had a lot of conversations about this since the car since, since tony and i talked, and i think the thing is, it's like it's not just the goal, it's like there has to be stakes.
Yeah, there has to be stakes.
Um, you have to create the stakes right because like, if i said like yeah, it's like there have to be like, there has to be stakes, like i don't know how to like for me and i'm sure that's part of his thing and we only had 60 minutes or whatever but like That's what kind of like makes it real for me?
Like, or what.
Because if you say like I want to help a billion people, then he's like oh, like you can break down.
But even even then, it's like school already has a few hundred thousand users as is.
And they're all, you know, marching towards that that hundred thousand goal.
The amount of content we put out.
We've 22 million people who follow our stuff, not including the ones who haven't literally hit the button to subscribe.
And so, like, do I think that point? point something, something percent of them.
Right.
So it's like, I can make a pretty logical argument.
I think that, that we might've already made that impact.
It's just like, do I need a way to measure it?
Which is a part that's a thing.
Um, but I think he told the story about him with going in like the the sex trafficking trenches and trying to like negotiate with the human traffickers or whatever.
And that was where he said, like, if you help a million people, you don't feel it.
But if you help one, like you do feel it, which in some way felt Like there's some conflict or something has to get reconciled between the big goal and like the feeling of the impact which comes from the one person.
Yeah.
And so I think I get that.
Yeah.
Because I think about like people here that like I'm working, I'm helping develop as leaders, coaching.
Yeah.
It's so much more rewarding to see their behavior change than like I get thousands of messages that are like here's how you help me.
But I don't feel it.
But I feel it with the people here.
From a from a business behavior perspective, there's probably one large thing that we will do.
That will change, which you know we've talked about, and people will find out soon enough that we made big moves there.
But the orientation of our entire lives I don't think will change, because this, this are the way we live our lives now is because we read Conscious Capitalism and we thought about this during the year that we took off, after we sold the company the first, you know, the first big sale.
And we're like, what do we want our lives to be about?
And it was all about like, how do we do, how do we, how do we contribute?
How do we grow?
And that's what the you know.
The thesis of acquisitioncom was to make business education accessible for everyone, because that was something that we had both benefited from.
And so in a lot of ways, like we have built the business to create impact.
What I feel like I have lost or I've been deficient in has been.
I need to.
I need to purposely create yeah, I need to purposely create emotional associations and ties to the smaller components of it.
I have some really good ideas for how we'll do that in the next couple of years too.
So I think that's like what will change as a result of this podcast.
There's one big business move we'll do.
And then I think it's going to be injecting feedback loops to quantify the outcomes and to emotionalify the outcomes.
That's fair.
Anything personally?
I mean, what do you mean?
I don't know.
Like outside of business that you would change.
What else is there?
You have so many things outside of business specifically gyms and working out that you're obsessed with.
Your second, he cheats on me with his little gym dealers at night.
He's always looking at gym equipment late at night.
I'm just like, what are you looking at?
He's like, this new squat rack that came out from whatever, mine.
I'm like, look at this feature.
Look how sick this is.
He's like, dude, look at this pulley.
Look at the bearings on this thing.
Yeah, look at this grip.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Like literally at night.
I have my my good day formula, which is on my wall, which I live by, which is like eat food with people I like, work out with people I like and write something.
And I try to live by that for the most part.
And that's been like that's the stuff I get a lot of joy from.
But those are all inputs, not outputs.
And I think he was talking about the output, the impact.
Yeah.
And so I think it's just like there's right now.
OK, here's the easiest video right now.
Our life is pure throughput.
It's like we have we put tons of energy here and then there's impact and money that comes out the other side.
And I think what we're.
What we're talking about is like how do we draw a line or a loop that brings part of that back to the front again to speed the, to speed the cycle up, rather than like I think that's probably the difference, to quote push, where it's just purely driving from whatever force you have to this outcome and until you let the outcome itself become reinforcing.
Yeah.
And right now the outcome itself is not emotionally reinforcing.
I get that.
And I think it gets harder as the business gets bigger.
You have to intentionally create those things.
What do you think about the comment you made about having kids?
What do you think about the comment that you had about having kids?
It's not fair.
Uno reverse.
Well, I mean, honestly, listen to it.
I was like, I don't I mean, I've shared public like I don't know.
Actually, no, I don't think it's public.
I did.
We did IVF a year and a half ago two years ago um, like a little over a year and a half ago and it did not work, for whatever reasons.
And then after that i had a lot of issues like it just didn't actually came from them, that came from it.
And then, about literally the week that i was supposed to start the next round with a different doctor and a different whatever was when i got really sick, and then That led to all my issues last year, and then I had to get surgery and yada yada, yada and I'm still, you know, not back to normal.
So it's like when he said that, I was like I could tell you the whole story, but it'll take like an hour.
It was interesting for me because, like I think you know, people ask us a lot, and so I kind of wanted to just like address it because I think, for me at least,
You know, I'll address this.
No, we don't have problems having children like we have not.
We had not tried up until a point.
And then I said, I think it makes sense if we like we have the resources and such.
We can like have a surrogate if we want or I can have them myself.
And then we wanted to have the option.
Well, you also had like your mom had hip issues and there's like G angles.
Yeah, it's all that stuff.
And then, because of the issues that I had, it was like OK well, it's little bit more of like a high risk thing, so we wanted to have the option because i was like okay, what if i have one?
It's absolutely terrible.
And then we want to have more.
We could get a surrogate.
So that's why that um.
But i think it's interesting because it's one of those things where like, i think people make a lot of assumptions.
They're like why don't you?
Just it is absolutely like a conversation that we're having.
It's something that My team knows, that that's a goal of mine over the next year, but that's not really something I feel like sharing with people all the time on the internet.
But they're so nice.
They'll just tell me it's from the steroids or the fact that I'm a fucking dude.
Rumors on Reddit.
So I think that was an interesting one because I was like, oh, I haven't talked about that.
I think it's just because it's not a straightforward thing.
And I think it's interesting because it's like one of those things that people ask us a lot.
And I was like, that's not a straightforward thing to say, oh yes or no.
Oh yeah, I should get to that.
Or like, it is an ongoing conversation.
I think there's a lot of people that we know that we're friends with, that have very intricate conversations that don't share about those things publicly.
And so I kind of wanted to say something publicly about it because I think, in general, you know, thinking about it I mean I've shared with you like, and I think we've talked about like it I think that there was a narrative, as I was, you know, when I was 20 or whatever that was like just wait to have kids, like get your career in order, do all these things, et cetera.
And honestly, I'm not sure the trade was worth it because I think it would be easier physiologically speaking or, or physically speaking to have had children when I was younger.
And now I waited.
I had more health stuff happen which makes it harder to have children, which then sucks, and I grew up with people telling me and honestly telling both of us, like you guys should wait until you're 35 or whatever, like it'll be fine.
But I have lots of friends that are that age and it's difficult on them, difficult on their bodies, difficult to have a successful pregnancy.
And I think a lot of people look up you know women look up to me and then they ask me these things and it's like I don't have a great answer because I don't.
I'm not sure I would do it the same way again.
Um, cause people like do you want kids?
I do want kids.
I'm also scared that I'm not going to be able to have them, or that something will happen because of all this stuff and that I'm not going to be able to, and then I'm going to be really excited for something and it's not going to happen.
That's going to suck.
And so then, because everything that you say in content is going to get multiplied a million times over um you, it's like it's a, it's a thing that you have to want with an open hand.
Um, because it's like, you can't say like, I really, really, really want to want to have kids.
And then it doesn't happen.
And you set yourself up for the just massive letdown.
Um, and to the same degree, you can't be like, screw kids.
We don't want to have kids.
Uh, because then of course everyone will just attack you because you're like, you're against humanity.
Right.
And so there's really, yeah.
So there's no, there's no actual response.
I had someone asked me this, uh, a few months back.
They're like, why don't you have children?
And the response that I. Tell me why.
Right.
You know, literally I said the response that I that I gave the individual was I do not have children.
And there's.
Oh, I remember that.
Right.
I was like, I was like, well, pick the pick with the angle.
I was like, play it out.
I was like, so let's say one of us or both of us has an issue.
I was like is either one of us going to expose our partner as the the reason something can't happen?
No, of course not.
I mean, what kind of what kind of spouse would you be?
Right.
So it's like you can't have that.
And so you also can't say like, oh, kids suck that then they have that whole problem.
And so all you have is uh, I mean, I guess you could say like we're trying, you could say that, but then it's like you'll get like where are the kids?
Where are the kids?
Where are the kids?
You'll get those comments forever.
Let me hook you up with the, yeah.
Did you have lemon?
Yeah.
Lemon juice, uh, cayenne.
Stop working out.
It's just nervous.
Just like everything you think from fucking Sunday.
I mean, I know I've had people send me fertility doctors.
I'm like, I, this is not, I don't need this.
Right.
And so all all that I've just been able to come back to say is, just like it is true that you have observed that we do not have children.
Like, I don't know what else to say.
We are both open to children entering our lives.
We do not have them right now.
And if they do not come, our lives will be great.
And if they come, our lives will also be great.
Yeah.
That's all we got.
I mean, like, it's not actually under your control.
I know, which sucks.
I mean, I made, I don't know if you remember, I vlogged my entire IVF process.
And I was like, selfie style.
They were in there.
You remember when I went in for surgery, like the whole thing.
And I was going to release it once.
We were like hey, and this is like look, we have little baby hormoses.
And then nothing.
And I was fucking devastated.
And then I was like, I don't even want to release the vlog because I was so upset.
Yeah.
And then after that I had a lot of issues from it, because you find out there's good doctors and there's bad doctors, and there's good ways to do it and bad ways to do it and whatever.
And so it's interesting.
I was totally going to be open about it, but then I was like well, that's fucking depressing.
What am i gonna do?
Post this blog and be like uh yeah did, it didn't work.
You guys should not try this like.
Like, like no hope, you know what i mean.
Like it's like i don't want people to lose that dream and to not try, because doesn't mean i'm not gonna keep trying.
I just, you know, have to wait until i'm in a space where my body can, can do that, which is soon.
Um, but yeah, it was interesting on the the kids remark, because it is one of those things where it's like there's it's just.
I think a lot of people struggle with how to answer that question and because it's not straightforward,
So, I mean, I think your answer is a good one, but yeah.
And for the comments on the internet, it's like, notice she said this was two years ago.
And so every single person who's asked and blamed us and taking shots at us.
It's like bro, just live your life.
I know.
But I, I mean, I do think, I mean, like I, I mean I've said, like I think that there is An entire narrative that my generation was under
It's really tough.
Which is like, you can wait to have children.
And I tell everybody now that I know, please freeze your eggs.
Or just like.
Or just have kids.
Whatever.
And deal with it.
Listen, I go for the lowest ask.
Okay.
I'm like, listen, just freeze the eggs.
Because it will just be easier when you are older.
When and if you change your mind.
Yeah.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting or not wanting them, by the way.
Yeah, do whatever you want.
People should do whatever the fuck they want.
But I think it's interesting when people make the assumption that you don't want them or don't try because you don't have them.
I also find it kind of interesting when someone's like, you should have children.
It's like, let's whitewash this for a second.
I'm not saying this is us, but I'm saying when people say that to anyone, right?
Yeah.
Imagine a kid who had a parent. didn't want to have them would we want that for the kid probably not and so it's like we wish we wish this thing because it satisfies like they they have their own thing that they're wishing for being a good person yeah it's like it's it's about them it has nothing to do with i'm also like for all of you that comment on that like that does not help people like if you tell people you're like you should have kids like they don't want to have them anymore because they jared from minnesota with a pickle jar that's his profile said you should have kids bitch like oh no you know what you did bring jared's profile up and i was like you know he he raises an excellent point pickle jared had a good point there i hope somebody changes like bitch get back in the kitchen and have some kids and i was like you know what i should get back so right in the kitchen and pop some fucking kids out So, yeah, that's the TLDR of like you should have kids.
I mean, I would say we agree.
Yeah we've, we've been on, we were on the road.
You know we're on the road and we accept whatever, whatever comes from that road.
Yeah, I think it's one of those things like at least it's taught me the last two years has taught me that there are things you can control and there are things you cannot control.
You can create the conditions for success.
You cannot decide if success occurs.
Yeah.
And I think it's been really good for us just defining the success by inputs.
Again, it's like, are you doing the, you know, the exercises you need to do?
Are you doing the, you know, all the health stuff you need to do?
It's like, did I do it?
Yes or no?
Yep.
I'm doing it.
And, to the best of my ability, to the best of the doctors that I have access to.
This is what I know.
And you know, to be fair, we're super fortunate because like, there's tons of people who are having the same issue but like, don't have the resources.
And it's been confusing as hell for us in the process.
Um, and that's with all the resources that we have.
Yeah.
I mean, I see, I see it all the time and people message me about it, so I don't know.
But yeah, that was what I thought about that piece.
I was like, I just wanted to.
I'd like to have a piece of content to just post and you know, maybe 50000 people see this and then the rest forget, and opposite again.
But any follows from you guys, the moonshine goal that you put out there.
Yeah.
I think it was 36 months is what we said in the podcast.
And maybe I need to make it a bigger goal, because I think there's two things that are missing from the goal.
So realistically, I think it will already be achieved in 36 months.
So either, I guess three things.
So either it needs to be bigger.
But are you going to be able to measure it?
Right.
So there's like, so one has to be, I think we have to be able to measure it in some way.
And that is something that I'm actively thinking about.
Um.
The second is there needs to be some.
We have to manufacture, create the conditions that there is an emotional association on the micro level with that outcome right,
Like physics wise, I can't meet a hundred thousand guys.
Like if I, if I were to, if I spent a minute every day, it wouldn't, it wouldn't work.
Right.
So it's like you have to just pull it down to say okay, i'm gonna follow you know five people, ten people and what you know through that narrative, so that i can extrapolate it out.
Right, i have ideas, so that's so.
It has to be measurable, we have to create the emotional tie and maybe we do those two things that already take care of itself uh, and then, i think, adding in the stakes piece somehow, like once we can measure it, then the emotional tie will both come from the stakes and the micro piece because, like the book launch felt like it had tremendous stakes.
You said this, but like, I am my happiest when I'm in the hunt.
Yeah.
And so that's where, again, some of the grind set mindset stuff, like maybe I hate that word.
I know.
I do too.
I know.
But like some of the, some of the more hardcore like, except suffering, like continue to do boring work even when you don't want to like some of that stuff is like I think it comes from early on in my career, doing things that I wasn't as enjoying of.
And, like the things, I work harder now.
I think I work harder now than I think I did earlier on in my career.
Yeah, but you work really hard on things that are exciting to you too.
Like, okay, let's just be honest.
Yes, I do not do things I don't want to do.
Alex does not do things he doesn't want to do.
And he does not work on things that he does not like working on.
Like you are like, fuck, it will just burn.
Yeah, it will burn.
It will fucking burn.
Be forgotten about.
Like.
So it's interesting because, like it's the grind set, but like you choose things that you think are worth like, I want to do this.
Yeah.
Versus, like, I have to, like, I've got to fucking, you know what I mean?
Like, I think it's a little different.
Like, you've been able to find things that you enjoy.
You find the work stimulating, intellectual, it's challenging, it gives you skills that you require.
Writing books is, like, is the most fun I have.
It's also incredibly hard to do it well.
And so it's interesting because I think that's a good like takeaway for some people who might not think that.
Like, you are very selective about what you grind on.
And with that... Anything else, Shai?
Fuck happiness, too focused on brain fart.
Mm-hmm.
After the whole conversation, did it repaint that in your mind?
Or are you still...
I think it actually, it comes down to defining terms.
So um, as soon as he said it, he said he basically redefined suffering in a different way than earliest, redefined passion in a different way than than than I probably would.
Um, he also said a lot of things aren't what you want right after he said that too.
So like, I think there's the headline and those subheadlines.
I would say my goal has never been to suffer.
My goal has been to make something that was big enough that the suffering that I would be forced to endure would be worth it.
I've just always seen suffering as a fixed cost of life.
Not that all of life must be suffering, but that suffering will be a part of it.
So I think that the difference is because he defines suffering.
I'm pretty sure.
Yeah.
He is pain versus – again, this is where – not semantics, but this is why defining words is like what I spend so much time on.
But I think it is widely recognized that suffering is usually defined as the narrative around the pain.
And so for most people, when they think suffering it's like elective pain versus pain is – First era, second era.
Yeah.
It's the consequence of – it's the cost.
The judgment on the pain.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Suffering is a judgment.
If that's how you want to define it for anyone who's listening, I see pain as a fact of life.
And so I want to pick goals that pain will not dissuade me from pursuing.
And I really think about the guy storming Normandy who's on the beach trying to protect freedom and his family.
He, for sure, is going through pain, and he does it with a smile on his face because he knows it's worth it.
And I don't see that that As in any way, a life not well lived or not done purposefully.
And so that's why, for me, I minimize a lot of the inconveniences that I'll say that I experience, because I believe what we are trying to accomplish is worth it.
It's worth that pain.
I also know that when I'm not pursuing things, I'm also in pain.
It's just different pain.
And so it's like, if I'm going to have, what is lame pain?
And so if I, that's really good.
Um, and so if I'm going to experience pain either way, I'd rather have the pain be worth it.
It's interesting.
Cause, like I think that, in order to have like, life is like this, and it's like when you're unwilling to feel pain, you're also probably unwilling to feel like numb yourself.
You mean accomplishment, et cetera.
Correct.
Um, And I also think like pain is the cost of success to a degree because pain is usually learning.
And it's like you have to learn and try again and get feedback in order to succeed.
And so I think pain is definitely the cost versus like suffering.
I think if we define it as we just did, it's like the narrative around.
I think that's definitely something you can control, which I feel like I learned a lot of this year.
Like, I mean, literally physical pains.
And then what is my narrative around the physical pain?
Like I have had a lot of physical pain in the last 12 months and it's like but what do I tell myself about it?
Like I'm in pain right now.
And I'm like I, just I've literally it's it's, it's almost like.
I've gotten to the point where it's like I especially in the last couple of weeks, I've been able to like it's like background noise.
It's okay.
You know, it's, it is funny.
Cause like the fact that you just brought this up.
So like this is just like how little people have an understanding of like everything, but Like you putting your feet up on my leg right.
I see this as cute and endearing.
I also know that you have physical pain.
And so you changing up your leg position makes us be able to have this conversation longer.
The audience has no idea of that.
And so there's going to be six comments of dudes.
Be like Layla's doing a power move, or you know like, or like.
Isn't it weird that she has her feet up?
Or like her socks, like just dumb?
You know what I mean.
And so it's like I cannot wish for people to have unlimited context in a world that offers none, but I accept that it is.
No, it's just sweet.
Yeah.
It's just like, this is not a power move.
I know.
I know.
Like, of course.
No, but it's just like, yeah, it's life.
Yeah.
Everyone.
I mean, I was telling the team earlier this, but I was like, dude, everybody poops.
Like, everybody goes through shit in life.
Everybody is human.
We all read on the inside.
Like, we all have our shit.
Money and success and fame don't change that.
No.
No.
But there are actions that you can take that increase the likelihood that the other things occur.
Now you're like, okay, I'm outfitting myself.
Did you have any other ones?
Yeah, there was one moment in the podcast where Tony talks about the two characters Analytical Alex and Analytical Alex.
People love that.
Do you actually experience that split?
Of course!
But you're barely ever Analytical Alex, with me, unless we're in the work setting, and then sometimes I'll text you and be like, stop being so scary.
Yeah.
Like I always say, I'm like, stop yelling.
Don't yell at me.
Yeah.
He's like, I'm not yelling.
I'm like, I don't like this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think we're both actually very good at kind of state changes.
Um, like when we get home, I think we're very good at like kind of switching back quickly.
You also change almost as soon as you're back.
And I feel like when you do that, you kind of like switch into like life mode.
Yeah.
Um, I never changed, but you know, ever.
Um, but no, I think we both have like little triggers that we can do, but it's like also, it's like you know I, I don't, I don't like in some ways try and get rid of it.
Right.
Of course.
And also like, I don't like my, who I am to you is not for everyone, you know?
Um, yeah.
Like it's that's.
That's not like I act.
Like I do towards you at home alone versus there in front of other people.
They would never take me seriously.
No.
Right.
Because it's like I think, when you're, when you're in your own private space or whatever, it's like you can be more playful.
But like if your boss was like playful, I'd be like, is this guy serious?
Like, yeah, of course, there's there's elements.
There's no hundred hundred on either degree.
Like it's it's a balance.
Right.
Of having enough, enough edge.
And I think it's a dichotomy that you manage.
I don't think it's a problem to solve.
Like. like, and Tony, Tony brought this up.
He was like, you can't run your business without analytical acts, right?
You can't run it without making logical decisions.
If the person's not going to work out the rule, you got to let them know.
Like it is what it is.
You can't let every other person on the team suffer as a result of somebody else's being.
And then the culture suffer as a result because you're not holding the bar.
Right.
To the same degree.
If you do that all the time, people are not going to aspire to work for that person, because they're like This guy's a fucking robot.
Now, some people might be inspired to work for a box.
They're like, we're going to win.
And I think there's elements that but like having those little, those little slices, that kind of peek in and out.
But I think it's 80 20 and it flips like when we're at home, it's 80 20 this way.
When we're in the workplace, it's 80 20 that way.
And for me, when I'm in the gym, I'm quite literally anabolic Alex, which is actually what made like when he asked that I was thinking when am I in the best mood?
And so me in the best mood is when I'm in the gym.
So, like all the guys who have ever lifted in ACQ gym know that like, when I'm there, there's a, there's a video of me doing a gym gym walkthrough with kook.
And the comments are like, I've never seen Alex.
I was like, yeah, because it's like, that's not what the setting that you see me in.
Because, I mean, I got into fitness for a reason.
Like I was I followed my passion.
I did what everyone told me to do.
But then, as soon as I got into it, I realized that this has nothing to do with the thing that I supposedly love.
And so that's why I adopted a different worldview, which was that oh, a lot of this will be painful.
If we want to use pain rather than suffering, a lot of this will be painful.
Is it worth, is it still worth pursuing?
And to me, the answer was yes.
And so, okay, then I have to just take this as a, as a cost and, and that's okay.
And I think that was like if I had one, if I had one thing that I would that I could communicate to all the people who are like in pursuit.
Is that like It will be painful.
It will be more painful than you expect.
And that's okay.
I would add one thing.
You can handle it.
You can handle it.
You got it.
You can handle it.
I tell myself that.
Well, I feel like this year, especially like with so much physical pain like I was, just like this is going to stop.
And I was like, you can handle it.
You can handle it.
If anybody can handle it, you can handle it.
One of my lifting partners said, Big bodybuilder.
He asked me because sometimes people, when people are doing their reps and it's like it's hard or whatever, they're like you know, root me on, or like you know, so I come on, or two more, or whatever.
You know, you cheer the person on a little bit.
He said, hey, when when I start to look like I'm struggling, just yell at me.
You're fine.
And that was his thing.
And so I always like, I wait until I'd be like, you're fine.
You're fine.
You're fine.
And he's like, I'm fine.
And he's doing these reps, but it's like, it's to your point.
He's like, you got it.
You'll be all right.
Sometimes you just need someone to tell you that.
I think we were talking yesterday.
I was like, I just need you to tell me it's okay.
Sometimes we just need reassurance.
I think more times than we need instruction.
Yeah.
Encouragement.
I mean, even if you think of the whole thing, the whole metal.
The meta conversation with Tony was was reassurance.
Like, it's not like my path in life is going.
I'm not going to stop doing business stuff.
I'm not going to stop making business education.
We're not going to stop helping businesses like none of that's going to change.
But I think a lot of what I was looking for was like reassurance that this is the one correct path.
And I asked, like, is there something that you would do differently that I'm doing?
And he was like, I think you haven't prioritized enjoyment.
And I think for sure there's a, there's, it's a, it's a problem to manage, right?
There's no, there's no like, this is the perfect ratio.
It'll depend on the season.
It'll depend on the context.
But I think that was just a great us coming away with a, we have to be able to measure it.
We have to have a feedback loop that creates some sort of emotionality and we need and we added in and I'm sure he talks about this just when we were having our discussion like we need some sort of stakes.
Was there any prep that you did?
I think it's a question for me.
Um, I think Layla was part of the reason the podcast was so good.
It was cause, like before she went in or before I went in, we were, we talked and she was like, I think, like I think, when I said I had these two options for what podcast to do,
Um, she definitely leaned into like, you're going to have an hour, an hour and a half of Tony.
Like just ask him what you want to ask him.
And I think I also, I watched every podcast that he did with anybody else.
And just seeing what he was interested in talking about.
And I felt like what I noticed and what why I think he is who he is is that he is most engaged when he's helping somebody he's feels useful rather than, like you know, I think some podcasts are just asking him questions to get clips.
And I think that is almost a disservice to him.
Right.
Cause he's just got, yeah, he's just so good at what he does.
He's so good.
And I think my thought was like, if this can actually be a genuinely like raw conversation, i think it's great for both of you and since you know i've stalked him since i was, you know, 12 years old and known you for a decade, i felt like i could, you know, accurately weigh both parties with parties.
Yeah so, kind of following that alex, you mentioned at the start you were down five words for the podcast.
Yeah, so all of the words.
Oh, so i had i think i had 10 or 11 questions.
And then in reviewing it, I thought to myself like I'm not actually going to like pull my phone out and read these questions.
It like totally would break the flow.
So then I thought, all right well, how can I remember this while I'm, you know, having this conversation?
And so the five words were, um, I'm doing this from memory, but basically duty was one of them.
Fulfillment, um, impact opportunity.
There was another one, but those are like the, some of the ones that I really wouldn't understand.
Like how we solve the dichotomy between these things.
How do you see what you feel obligated?
And I see this in a positive way, not a negative way.
Like what do I feel driven to do for the impact it's going to make?
That's my obligation.
It was funny because you used my favorite verse in the whole Bible.
Like to whom much is given, much is expected.
And like I see that if I had a proverb for my life, that would have been it.
Like I feel I've been given a lot.
And so I want to be a good steward of that.
And so I see that as duty.
He does not like the word, but I, I'm very, I'm super strong.
This is why I define terms so much.
Cause like, unless both parties agree ahead of time.
This is why all legal contracts begin with a recital of terms and definitions.
Otherwise no one knows what they're talking about.
Either way.
Yes.
So those are the, those are the words that I was most into.
Like, how do you go through opportunity selection?
How do you balance the opportunities against impact versus um Like return on investment from a financial perspective?
Duty and fulfillment.
And so those were kind of the elements that I, that I was.
I was most curious because if I could answer that question or at least get clarity around it, which I did, which is like we need emotional ties, we need stakes, we need to be able to measure it.
That's like, that's my big thing.
Well, I'll tell you what I got from some of the coaching stuff that he said, which was um a couple of preframes for like anybody who has like an ego.
Um, do you have an ego?
Yeah.
Um, but he was like, Hey, this is my two cents and that's all it's worth.
And then he'd give his thing.
Um, uh, I can't teach you shit.
He's like, but I can't offer you.
Um, he said uh, just a handful of framings that were like that to just kind of like soften the blow of more kind of direct feedback.
Yeah.
Um, and he, and he was checking back like, Hey, I'm not trying.
I was like, I mean, I was like, I'm here to learn, man.
And I think a lot of, I think one frame that probably surprised people.
Cause I saw that in the comments was they were like, Oh, I've never seen Alex be a student.
It's like, bro, I think I've learned everything.
I think I learned.
Well, I also think it's like, you can't, you don't need to just learn from 20 Robbins.
We learned from plenty of people.
Yeah.
Anyone who wants to teach.
I'm here.
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
And it's also like, just cause you learn from someone doesn't mean you need to take everything.
Yeah.
You know, not everything is the right lesson for you right now.
I think that's actually a really interesting one with, like when I see people talk about like my content, like well, I don't agree with like how she runs for marriage or something.
And I'm like, I'm not, then, then fuck me.
I don't know.
I don't care.
Tell me to fuck off.
Like, don't, don't watch it.
Like, what do we mean?
Like, I am not here to try and get you to be me.
I'm trying to teach you certain things that I am good at.
Like, you can throw away the rest.
I don't have them figured out.
Yeah, this is a documentary, not a pulpit.
Like, we are not preaching this is the way that we want to live.
Like, that you should live your life.
We say this is how we have lived our lives and this has worked for us.
Use if useful.
