If you clicked on this video, we are so sorry for what you're going through.
Breakups and old heartaches are never easy.
It's one of those things where one moment you could be carrying on with your life doing just fine.
Then, out of the blue bam, your brain decides it's time for a throwback episode of your ex the series.
And there's no, are you still watching? prompt to save you.
You might find yourself checking their socials, thinking of texting or calling them or, even worse, considering getting back with them, while you know damn well things ended because they needed to end.
It's like rewatching the Vampire Diaries, hoping Elena and Damon will work out this time, even though you know they're just gonna break up again in season 5.
Your heart knows the script, but your brain keeps hoping for a rewrite.
And here's the team.
Stats show that most people who break up and get back together usually end up breaking up again.
It's the sad truth.
A temporary happiness that doesn't last.
You're basically signing up for Grey's Anatomy levels of relationship drama, except without the attractive doctors and dramatic hospital hallways.
Just you, your phone, and a whole lot of what-ifs.
But maybe you're one of the few lucky ones.
You might go through a breakup to sealing the deal and getting married, have a few kids and maybe years down the line separate again.
That's the inevitable truth of life in today's society.
It's like friends.
Everyone thinks Ross and Rachel are endgame, but let's be real.
They'd probably be divorced by now with the joint custody of Emma.
Maybe you marry someone and stick together till death do you part.
Or war happens where one of you has to leave, lose contact, or worse, perish.
If you're not in those circumstances, more commonly, you're stuck in the realm of choices.
Where both men and women have options.
It's so easy to simply go meet someone new instead of working on rebuilding the relationship together.
It's like having Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, and Disney+.
Why stick with one show when you can binge watch something new?
The problem is, you keep rewatching the old show you've already seen a hundred times.
Today's video exists because many of you left comments on our last video.
How Are You quiz about the big challenge of letting go?
Whether it's letting go of something toxic, a past or a heartache, letting go is fundamentally the thing that will make us happier.
Easier said than done.
Like telling someone, Just don't think about pink elephants.
Suddenly, all you see are pink elephants.
So today's video is for those who have a hard time letting go.
We're going to explore why your brain keeps replaying these memories, like it's preparing for a Marvel Cinematic Universe marathon.
And trust me, your ex is definitely not worth that many sequels.
But we need to talk about why this happens.
It's not because you're weak or broken.
It's because your brain is trying to protect you.
Your brain isn't broken.
It's just doing its job terribly at timing.
It categorizes emotional experiences as important survival information.
So while you're trying to remember where you left your keys, your brain's over there like But wait, let's review how they looked at you that one time at dinner.
We need to analyze this for future survival.
Thanks, brain.
Really prioritizing the essentials here.
It thinks it's helping you avoid future pain by replaying the old one.
It means well, but it's like having a friend who shows up to help you move three months after you've already settled in.
And that's the part that hurts the most, right?
The laughter and the tears happening at the same time.
The memory of a joke only they would get.
The comfort of a hug you can no longer feel.
Your brain is holding onto these things, not just to torture you, because they were once your safe space.
And that's a really hard thing to let go of.
It's okay to grieve that.
It's okay to miss the comfort, even if the relationship was wrong for you.
So, what can you actually do about it?
Because you're tired of this.
You're tired of the emotional loop, the late nights, the random triggers.
You're ready to cancel that subscription box to your ex, the series.
And I promise you, you can.
But it takes action, not just waiting.
First, let's talk about what NOT to do.
And yes, this is the part where we get brutally honest.
These are the things that will make letting go easier for you, not harder.
Don't have a fling to get over them.
Seriously, just don't.
You'll end up feeling guilty, comparing them to your ex and realizing you've just complicated your whole life with someone else's feelings, while you're still a mess yourself.
It's like trying to cure a headache by hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's a distraction, not a solution.
And you'll wake up the next day with a bigger headache and an awkward, so this was nice.
Text to send.
Don't send that long, emotional text.
You know the one.
The one you've drafted in your head 50 times.
Write it down.
Get it all out.
Scream it into a pillow.
But don't send it.
It's not for them.
It's for you.
Sending it is just asking for a response you don't really want.
It's trying to get one last hit of that connection.
And it never satisfies.
It just resets the clock on your healing.
And for the love of all that is holy, mute or block them.
This isn't about being petty.
It's about creating clean space for your mind to heal.
You can't get over an addiction if you keep a little bit of the drug in your pocket.
At a sight, out of mind isn't just a saying.
It's a neurological necessity.
Okay, so what's the plan?
What can you do right now, today, to start this process for real?
First, do a memory purge.
Get a box.
Put everything that reminds you of them in it.
The photos, the gifs, the t-shirt you sleep in.
Put it all in a box and tape it shut.
You don't have to throw it away, just put it out of sight.
This is a physical act of telling your brain this chapter is closed.
It's symbolic, but your brain loves symbolism.
Second, write them a letter, not to send.
Write down everything you want to say.
The good, the bad, the I miss you, the I hate you, the thank you for the memories and the I wish we never met.
Get it all out on paper, then fold it up, put it in the box and let it go.
You're giving those feelings a place to live outside your own head.
Third, move your body.
I know i know everyone says this, but it's science.
Heartbreak is a physical stress.
Your blood is flooded with cortisol.
You'll need to burn it off.
Go for a run and pretend you're running away from your feelings.
Lift something heavy and pretend it's the weight of their memory.
Dance in your room like nobody's watching.
Get the sadness out of your souls and into the sweat.
And finally, connect with someone who isn't your ex.
Call a friend, a parent, a sibling, someone who loves you for you.
Remind yourself your identity isn't tied to that one person.
You existed before them and you'll exist after them.
Your story is so much bigger than that one chapter.
Letting go isn't a one-time event.
It's a process.
Some days will be harder than others, but you're not weak for still thinking about them.
You are human for having loved so deeply that it left a mark.
That mark is not a scar to be ashamed of.
It's proof of your capacity to feel.
And one day, sooner than you think, you'll wake up and realize you made it through the whole night without them crossing your mind.
And that, my friend, is the beginning of everything.
You've got this.
We promise.
So go ahead, cancel that subscription.
Your brain might send you a, we're sorry to see you go, here's 50% off to come back, offer.
But you just have to click, no thanks, I'm good.
Your mental cue is about to get a whole lot better.
And now for our legally binding, not at all legally binding disclaimer.
This video may and definitely won't work for everyone.
Let's be honest.
If you're watching this, the heartache has been with you for some time now, maybe even years.
You've tried most things possible.
You traveled, you met someone new, dated someone new, you moved to a new city, a new place.
Even years later you've moved on with your life, have a family and, out of the blue, the thoughts of an ex hit you and you start screaming about all what could have been and you wish you can press the rewind button and go back to the moment you parted ways and change everything.
But it's too late and all you can do now is deal with it day by day until the pain goes away.
But here's the thing the fact that pain is still there means you've loved, and isn't that a beautiful thing too?
To know that you're able to meet someone who can leave a deep impact on you.
Whether it was right or wrong, you met someone who can still matter to you to this day.
And whether your partner is gone like the wind or moved on with their life, at least the knowledge that someone like that exists means you can find someone else who will too.
It would just take time.
And if you need a little more magic to hold onto, think of it like your name.
Everything may have felt like a dream, but at some point you will meet each other again, in a different form or a different timeline, if the thought comforts you.
Or, you know, you'll meet someone new who doesn't leave you wondering what their name is.
Either way.
Look, healing is messy.
It's not a straight line.
But you're not alone in this.
If this video was helpful, we also made a video on common regrets of breakups, if that helps.
And a guided meditation video for heartbreak as part of our 10-part guided meditation series.
We've got you.
Now go cancel that subscription.
For real this time.
Thank you.
