You're listening to Roundtable with myself, He Young.
I'm joined by Steve and Yushan in the studio.
Coming up, a breakup, a diagnose. A diagnosis, a devastating piece of news before we even speak to our friends and family. many post it online.
In an age where our social media Timelines feel like extensions of ourselves.
It has become the place where grief lives, spreads and is witnessed.
But should mourning and hardship unfold so publicly?
Does sharing bring comfort or does it turn pain into performance?
And sticking with the social media thread, Picture this, your friends can see exactly where you are right now on a map.
That's the idea behind a new Instagram feature and it's been hitting walls. as critics warn about safety and privacy risks.
In China, live location sharing has sparked curiosity as well.
But Clover users have found ways to turn it to their advantage.
So here's the question. Should you put yourself on a digital map Or are some things better left private?
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Now let's switch gears. When life throws you a curveball, the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, leaving a job, or even the death of a celebrity.
What's your first instinct? For many internet users, it's to post online.
After two decades of living knee deep in social media, the impulse to share grief, frustration, or sadness with our digital community has become a default response to hardship.
We open a digital window into our most vulnerable moments. but why do we feel this need to share online in the first place?
Yeah, it's a good question. I chose this topic for us to talk about today for a couple of different reasons.
One, I wanted to find out if there were some cultural similarities or some cultural differences between China and the West here.
And number two, people that I know have lost someone recently.
So my own social media feeds have been kind of lighting up with messages of condolence.
And I didn't personally know what to do.
So I've, I'm being a bit selfish here I guess by choosing this because if you have any advice for me if you're listening you have advice for me Please do send us a message and let me know. sharing on social media is kind of rooted in human nature because The as ironic as that might seem, because when we're having moments of crisis, then we often feel helpless.
So when we post on social, it can give us a sense of I think we can put it like that.
It gives us some control of the narrative and It can help us get ahead of some rumors, I guess, that's going a little bit further down the path. but it also provides a public space for people to kind of gather and offer support.
And that can be a powerful antidote to feeling isolated and feeling lonely and feeling scared. by going online and sharing your hardships with your online community.
I think the other side of that question, you know, why do people do this?
Why do they post online when something terrible happens to them?
I think now and this is spanning a couple of different, maybe even three different generations, maybe even four different generations. where social media has just become a regular part, such a regular part of life, it's often... the first thing people think to do when something happens to them, albeit an amazing thing, or something that wasn't so amazing.
I would say me personally is not really an advocate for that because Let's say, for example, my very close friends and colleagues, they wouldn't know when I broke up with my ex They wouldn't know when or what kind of losses I'm mourning for lately, whatever it might come from is just something I see as very personal in a way that I feel like sharing online almost break that privacy little room I create for myself. in a way that I'm letting everybody just enter that space and offer their say condolences or offer their comfort.
Seeing me as a victim of suffering something, it makes me really uncomfortable thinking about it.
It's really, I'm really happy that there are people like you. out there as well, but we don't hear because they don't post.
And therefore we assume, oh, is everybody doing this?
When in fact, maybe. maybe there is a silent majority or half of the or a number of people out there who are not participating in this.
But also, I understand that in this day and age, sometimes people just treat this as a place of announcement.
So maybe and also at the end of the day, do you want people to know this?
Some people say no, like you, Shen. And some people are like, yeah, I want people to know this.
For example, I've seen throughout the years every year i'll see a couple of times friends on wechat sharing their friend moments, the friend circle thing, a mom or dad have passed away and And this is devastating news.
And I think in a way people are inviting for comfort or attention in a way Oh, that's harsh.
And let's get into that in a sec. But also I think it's an announcement without the need of texting all the people they think they should let this information know.
You can do it at one time. Yeah, at one time.
People look at this differently. Yeah, I'm going to kind of... push back on that looking for attention comment I don't think that's fair at all because I think for a lot of people It might not be for some people, but it might be for others that... writing or posting about feelings is, and even if it's a public forum,
It can help that person to process somehow the event that has taken place and it can be a way of. externalizing their pain rather than internalizing everything.
And it can make it feel more real, right?
Because then it's out there, right? Yeah.
Oftentimes when words leave your mouth, they suddenly become real, right?
And this can be true for posts as well. And yeah, of course, they're probably looking for support.
That's not... a terrible thing either i don't think when something when something bad happens it's not everybody.
That's why I think we can't judge here, right?
If you do it, you do it. If you don't like it, you don't like it.
But for some people, I think it's definitely fair to say it's a cathartic process. yeah but it's interesting what's changed in our minds in the past or in forever in our human history when ever since people have learned how to write, you can write it down in a journal on a piece of paper or your phone you don't need to let everybody know but now letting people everybody know is the interesting change to me.
But you're projecting, are you not, onto them because... you might look at someone's... And I'm just playing devil's advocate here.
You might look at someone's breakup post and go...
Start your own judgment on that. Yeah, I can't believe they would do that.
Okay, let's examine that sentence. You can't believe they would do that.
You are not them. For them, that might be an outlet that they're not ashamed about sharing.
And this is their way of processing through technology. through expressing themselves through that post.
Now you might not like it because you wouldn't do it. but it doesn't mean that other people shouldn't.
Well, I would just quickly chime in here.
Part of me, if it sounds like disrespectful to anyone who is genuinely mourning online and that's a way to help them to pass through that process but it's just I've seen well from I've grew up from this social media booming era where People post because they seek attention and people post out of...
Likes, clicks. Yeah, out of that and also out of the very urge from themselves that I want people to know about this. and focus on what I have to say on this matter because I want to have my voice heard. or my image shown and that's basically spreading out to the online mourning or grieving say scenario two, because critics, they are arguing that social media creates pressure to prove your grief, making mourning feel more or less like a competition for likes and sympathy nowadays.
People, they count down whoever sees it within my friend circle to, Maybe send in some candles emoji and say RIP.
Which also seems really insincere. Yeah.
Yeah, the post can seem insincere, right?
There's a term for that. They call it performative grief.
Or vanity grieving. So, you know, I pushed back on what you said before you, Sean, but...
It's a thing, obviously, because they've put words to it, right?
They've put a term. to it. And that's all about the public display of sorrow that Um, some people don't appreciate because they feel like they're an audience of a performance all of a sudden.
And you could say, well, if they post, they're not forcing that information on you.
But you could also say Well, they kind of are yeah, right and what's private was public in the on social media, sometimes that line's blurred as well.
But if it's a family member, a loved one passing away, I personally feel however performative or whatever, Some people might think I would not agree with that.
I just feel that is such a sad. unfortunate incident that unfortunately all of us will have to go through at some part in at some point in our lives, so I'm very forgiving.
Well, that's a little, That's a little self-serving to say that I'm okay with that.
But it's other stuff. It's like, oh, breakup or losing a job.
These are... in my opinion, just not as devastatingly serious than and let's face it everybody judges right like on social media anything you put out there people will judge but whether are you okay with it or not Yeah.
The reason I said before, I need our listeners advice on this. is because in these situations, I don't judge.
People post, I do not judge at all. It doesn't bother me at all if it pops. up in my feed but how to respond is often quite difficult for me because I don't want to come off as insincere.
And when somebody posts something serious that is terrible that happened to them, And I read the comments underneath, and they're just like these three-word, like, sorry for your loss. forwards I guess but these that to me feels incomplete.
Right. I don't know if I'm supposed to add a comment underneath what's already been written there, so...
What I usually do is I'll give it a few days.
I don't calculate it, but then I'll send them a a message personally that's better that's longer is that the right thing to do you think I think so.
If you're serious about this or if you really want to extend your condolences in a meaningful way.
I think sending a private message is always better.
Yeah, and I've had this experience of my teacher within a group was saying that he's very respectful teacher recently passed away and all the other group member within that WeChat group are his students with this teacher students We never really had the chance, all due respect, we never really had the chance of meeting his teacher.
We just know that he's a very respectful friend. figure.
But all of us just replied very, just sincere messages and saying that we're sorry to hear that. because we care for our teacher.
We sincerely care for him. and we know that he's going through a very difficult time so out of that say sympathy and empathetic feeling and also our love and respect for our teacher, We'll just do what we can, whether it's sending private messages or replying in the group. to tell him that we care for him and we want him to Yeah, just be peaceful.
So that answers my question about cultural similarities or differences.
It's similar, isn't it? Because it's just a human nature thing.
And one last aspect. I'd like to borrow your two cents on that is.
We've talked about when things happen to us in real life for everyday people, but what about when a celebrity dies?
And I think here is where vanity grieving actually comes into play.
Although you can say I'm judging again. But this is a parasocial relationship.
How do you feel about mourning about a celebrity?
So a parasocial relationship is a one sided emotional bond where a fan. will feel a really deep connection to a public figure that they've never met in their entire life.
But. it's important to the fam because the celebrities work may have been really important to them right And when that celebrity passes away, it feels like a loss of personal... history or a part of your identity and Sometimes fans will go so far to attack other celebrities if they don't respond fast enough to another celebrity's passing.
Yes, and that's one way of looking at it and some people might not be so empathetic and just think, well, Okay, it's good to know that you know the celebrity and you think you want to portray yourself like you almost like prestige by association.
And well, people have different ideas. When Matthew Perry from Friends passed away, a lot of fans...
I think got online and got angry at the other cast members because they didn't post quickly enough.
That's called grief policing. So many terms.
Yeah, right? Social media gives us a place for grief, but healing...
Healing doesn't come from likes or reposts.
At its best, online grieving connects us across distance and reminds us we're not alone.
But do we want our most fragile moments to live forever in a digital archive Or are some feelings best? kept offline.
Coming up next, so many of us share countless details about our lives every day on social media.
But have you ever stopped to think about your internet safety? and the personal information we inadvertently share online stay tuned Looking for passion?
How about Fiery Debate? Want to hear about current events in China from different perspectives?
Then tune in to Roundtable. where East meets West and understanding is the goal.
You're listening to Roundtable with myself, He Yang.
I'm joined by Steve and Yushan in the studio.
Imagine every time you open your social media feed, your exact location is visible to your friends in real time. where you are, what you're doing, all on a live map.
Instagram, the global social media giant behind this feature, is now facing major backlash over privacy and security or safety concerns.
Here in China, live location sharing has come up in conversations too.
But people have found ways to control it, using it only when it suits them. kind of makes you wonder, in a world where our every move can be tracked, How much of our freedom are we willing to trade for connection?
So what's this new feature? Do you think it's a good idea?
170 million people don't think it's a good idea, apparently.
That's the Instagram... user account. So this is called Friends Map.
I think you mentioned that, right? And what it is, is that it's it's integrated into the application itself and when it's turned on, Any content a user posts with a location tagged, including a reel or a post or a story,
That's going to show up on the apps map. for 24 hours.
And while that feature remains on, the user's location is updated whenever they open the app or return to it.
Now, it can be turned off at any time and also it has a ghost mode that allows you to hide your location from others and that is Meta's answer, Insta's answer to the privacy concerns you can go ghost also you have the option to share your location with everyone or your friends or a select group of people.
But here's the real issue people are having with this.
Number one, yeah, 170 million monthly active users in America, I meant to say before.
Nobody seems to be a fan of this. And one of the major complaints is People are reporting, wait a minute, Meta says...
I have to opt in to this. I have to turn it on.
But some people are reporting, I didn't turn this on. and it's showing my exact location on this map.
Is that a tech bug? Yeah. It sounds like an opt. out situation than opt in.
What about here in China? How have social media apps and their users handled this live location sharing thing? idea in China?
And what's the general reaction to that?
I'm really surprised this is happening to, say, a Western social media because for our social media apps such as Douyin, the Chinese TikTok, Red Note, or Weibo, we have displaying of the user's location, but it's only based on their internet IP protocol addresses.
That's where, say, you are connecting your Wi-Fi from or where your numbers, say... server is based and that's usually just revealing the the provincial region or most commonly seen a city name.
Not the street address. Not the live location of where you live.
We only have... In my experiences of using this function before, there are only two scenarios where we have live locations shared.
One is for map apps. That's very common because when say during a friend's outing people need to meet up especially more than one say families are driving, that's where they turn on their, say, live locations on their map apps to try to you know know where exactly we're meeting and yeah just how much distance we have And then the other scenario is just via still a meeting up scenario where friends within the same WeChat group can turn that on when they need to meet up in a specific location.
Yeah, it's just a one time say burner link.
Once you're sharing, everybody's quit that. location sharing function, then it just vanishes.
The concerns are about safety, right? for women, for children. places certain places are taking this very seriously many in North America and Australia they've expressed these privacy concerns.
And in New York, the Attorney General, Letitia James, she said, this is the quote, Children's locations should be kept private to protect them from stalkers and other dangerous individuals.
She stated that it is extremely concerning that Instagram would offer a feature.
That would put our children in harm's way.
That was the end of her. And in Australia, again, yeah, there was a report, an expert quoted it as being extremely dangerous.
And in that report, they gave step-by-step instructions on how to actually disable it within the phones.
Yes, that's good to know. And I think it's kind of a no brainer for people if you no internet right now that you know this could induce theft or stalking But the part that I was really surprised is that this could also induce home robberies because when other people know where you're out of your home.
They know you're not home. Then they can go to your home. so scary and now you know all these risks And yeah, let's just be more careful with We Share online. work with our phones better, what to turn on, what to not.
And thank you so much for listening to today's show.
We'll see you next time.
