Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
Is anyone else out there a control freak like I am?
Once I sort of admit it's myself, you're kind of controlling woman.
I started to see it everywhere. I mean, I'd be standing in line at the coffee shop as
this ever happened to you. You order and then the next person orders and then the barista gives
the person behind you their drink first. And all of a sudden I'm like, wait a minute, I thought
I was ahead of them. Here's another one. Why can't I just wait patiently for the Uber to arrive
like a normal person? You ever find yourself staring at your phone as if just through eye contact
with your phone, you can control how fast the Uber gets there because first it's three minutes
away. Then it's five minutes away. Then it's rerouting. Or here's one I'm dealing with right now.
So my husband loves sweats. And the problem is he loves him so much he wears them all the time.
And now I feel like I'm married to a high school football coach. No offenses to the coaches out there.
And I love our sponsor, Viori. But you know what? It'd be nice to see Chris and a pair of jeans
every once in a while. In fact, just the other day he walks into the living room. He's wearing his
new men's sweat jogger, athlete's your wear stuff. You know, he's mined in his own business. He's
in his own house. But I'm sitting there like, oh, can't you at least try Chris? I mean, this is not
a soft pants day every day. It begs the question, why does this stupid stuff get to us? I mean,
you and I know that there's that one friend that's always late. You know that your roommate is not
going to take the trash out. They haven't done it for a year. So why do you get upset when they
don't do it? You know that your significant other is going to start snoring as soon as they fall asleep.
And the truth is my husband, Chris should be a little worse wets whenever he wants to wear sweats.
So why am I trying to control this? And more importantly, why am I getting upset about it?
It's the same reason you get upset about things that are beyond your control. And it's fun to laugh
about it. But it's a serious issue. Because every time you get stressed about something, you can't
control your wasting time and energy that you need for the things in life that are actually important.
And look, you may not think you're a control freak, but today you're going to learn that there are
five surprising things that you're wasting time and energy on right now. And these are things
that you cannot control. But you act as if you can. Everybody does. But after today, you won't.
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today because we are going to jump into five things that are kind of surprising and they are taking
up a lot of your mental and emotional energy and and nobody got time for that. You know what I'm saying?
You need to know how are you going to get your time and energy back. And that's what we're going
to talk about today. But before we jump into that discussion, I got something so exciting to share
with you. It is a gift from me to you. Why am I giving you a gift? Well, because I want to thank you.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting this podcast and me and supporting the YouTube
channel. Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family and people that you love.
You know, the truth is I'm so moved by your support of this podcast and what I'm doing
that I am constantly racking my brain, trying to figure out ways that I can take this beyond
just you listening and watching. And I just want to do whatever I can to empower you,
to take risks and to make the changes that will make your life better because you mean the world
to me. And I want to prove it to you. I want to give you more structured support as a true thank you,
which brings me to this exciting gift that I have for you. It's a free two-part video training called
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things happen in your life too. Can't wait to see you in the training. Alrighty. Now let's talk
about those five things that are taken up way too much of your mental and emotional energy.
Because here's the thing when you're trying to control everything, you can't focus on anything
that's truly important. And the first thing that I want you to stop wasting mental stress and energy
on is the weather. You can't control the weather, but you can control weather or not. It bothers you.
Let me give you an example. So I live in southern Vermont and it's April. Technically,
supposed to be spring up here. My daffodils and tulips are starting to poke through and come up and
I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I put our winter coats away. Well, guess what happened a few days
ago? I woke up and there was freaking snow outside. Ah, here's the thing. Why would you waste any
mental energy on that? Why cause stress? Why get frustrated? You can't control the weather.
I mean, it would have been easy for me to pull open the shades and look outside and see my beautiful
flower beds all covered with snow, right? And then to start stressing out about whether or not the
bulbs are all trashed and oh my gosh, I spent all those money and those bulbs and not there. I can
but here's the thing. Distressing about a change in anything? No. So why on earth do you and I
let it affect us? Now, I know I can feel obvious hearing me say you can't control the weather because
you can't. But if it's so obvious, why do we cause ourself mental distress? Why do we complain
about it? Why do we spend time like working ourselves up? You know, I'm thinking right now about
how much energy a bride or groom burns through and an entire year as they think ahead and they
worry about what the weather is going to be on their wedding day. Why do that? You can't control it
once you have your plan A and your plan B. You're all set. So why even think about it if it rains,
it rains. But common sense isn't so common and the weather does control you. I mean, how many times
have you canceled plans or bailed on a run because bad weather has affected you? And I'm not talking
about a tsunami that's hitting or a situation that's dangerous. I'm talking about normal,
predictable, seasonal weather that you can expect. You've let a light rain shower prevent you from
going outside and going on that walk, haven't you? Mm-hmm. Yeah, the dog can let itself out. I'm not
going out and that stuff. We're having for bed when it's super humid that you leave the air
conditioning in your house. You'll cancel plans like that unless you work for the weather channel.
You waste way too much time thinking about it and being impacted by the weather.
Here's what I want you to remember. A passing shower isn't going to kill you. So don't let it kill
your plans. And it also passes. When there's a cloudy or stormy day, and my friend Josh says
this all the time, you know what's still up there above those stormy clouds? A bright, beautiful,
blue sky. Think about that moment on an airplane where you go through the clouds and then you get
up above the clouds. What's always up there? A bright, blue sky. Bad weather is actually an
opportunity. It's an opportunity if you look at it the right way and you don't let it control you
for you to practice discipline. In fact, there's a lot of science here that I want to share with you.
Did you know that when you do things that you didn't want to do like going outside for that walk
even though it's raining? The part of your brain that's called the anterior mid-singulate
cortex gets bigger. And when researchers look at this part of your brain, they see it as the seat
of willpower. And not just willpower, but the actual will to live. And this is the only part of your
brain that grows by doing things that you don't want to do. And so the weather isn't something for
you to control. And it's not something that should control what you're doing. The weather is an
opportunity for you to grow. So the next time it rains don't complain, just do what you plan
on doing. Go out on that run, take that hike, go work in the yard, go walk the dog. It's going to
help you. It's actually an opportunity to take control of yourself, of your life, of your discipline.
And for all you brides and grooms out there who are worried about the weather. The single best
wedding that I was ever at was hit with this epic rain and hail storm that literally came out
of nowhere. It was so big of a storm. One of those storms that comes across the great lakes in
the Midwest that one of the tents flooded literally the top of it ripped open and water-fold onto
the dance floor. And to this day, Emily Glasser and Billy Sossman's wedding, 30 years later, is the
single best wedding I have ever been to. The most memorable, the most fun you want to know why?
Not only because of the bride in the groom, but because of the storm. Maybe what your wedding needs
is a good old fashioned rain storm. And maybe what you need is to learn how to run in the rain.
Because you're bigger than the weather. So stop complaining about it. Because you can't control it.
And that snow by the way, it's cold and tulips actually love cold weather and they bloom longer
when it's cold. So there's no reason to complain. I should be celebrating about it. Because you can
control whether or not that weather bothers you or stops you from doing what you need to do.
And now that you know that, you're going to not let that happen anymore. So let's move on to the
second surprising thing that you're wasting time and energy on. And that is you cannot control the
amount of time that you're forced to wait in line. But you can control what you do with your time
while you're waiting. Let's go to an example involving traffic. I want you to think about sitting
in your car, your drive into work, and boom, all of a sudden you hit traffic. You may be sitting
in traffic right now as you listen to me. And as you're in traffic, you start to get frustrated,
don't you? You kind of grip the wheel and then you him and you're hot and you tense up and you
kind of hit the GPS. Yeah. Why? Why do you do that? By the time that you get to work,
you're so exhausted because you worked yourself up. You just burned through so much energy in the
car being angry that traffic was backed up and delayed. Did any of that anger and stress
help you get to work faster? Of course not. Did it move the traffic? No. Did it free up a lane? No.
This is why it's so dumb to allow things that you can't control to impact you. Or let's take
another example. You're waiting in line at the post office. You got your arms full of packages
that you need to return. It's 2.15. The line is so long you're out there on your lunch break.
You're like, oh, it's a station. I know. So now you've committed to standing in line and all of a
sudden there's somebody at the front and they're taken so long. Do you want insurance with this
package, honey? You're like, oh my God. Are you kidding me with this? And you're now starting
to irritate it. Do you need some stamps while you're here? Oh my God. Are they really going to buy
stamps right now? We've all had these moments. Oh, and then all of a sudden you get close and what
is the clerk to, oh, I got to go on my lunch break. Let me get somebody to fill in. And you're like,
oh, blah, blah. And these feelings of irritation and frustration, they rise up. Why? Because you
feel like you're losing control of your time. You thought this was going to take five minutes. 15
minutes have passed by. I get it. You got somewhere to be. You got to get back to work. You squeezed
a sin on your lunch break. And now your lunch break is evaporating before your eyes. We've all been
there. You can't control when you're going to be forced to wait in line. But you can control
what you do with your time while you're waiting. What if you were to look at this? Not as some sort
of flight by society or the post office or traffic? What if you were to look at this as found time
instead of lost time? Maybe this is just the universe giving you time back. I mean, let's go back
to the traffic example again. You're driving along and all of a sudden things slow way down as
everybody merges into a one lane road. And guess what's right in front of you? A truck. Of course.
And so you're winding and you're going slower. And in that moment, can you control what's
happening? No. And there's no use to get yourself all stressed out or cause yourself some sort of
distress in your mind or start freaking out about it. And there's this great post that's gone really
viral that talks about this exact moment when you get stuck behind a truck on a one lane road
and you're forced to slow down. It's a cue to yourself that this truck is sent by a guardian angel.
It's slowing you down on purpose to avoid whatever is around the corner or at your destination
or maybe somewhere along the way that's not meant for you or that may cause you harm. Do you see how
that now puts you into control? So as you slow down, sip your coffee and look at this as an
opportunity to be grateful for this time and to practice having patience. And if it's at night
time and this happens, just imagine that this truck is running point for you lighting up the way.
Isn't that a beautiful way to take control? Because you can't control the times where life
slows you down. But you can control what you do with that time. And when you look at it like a
gift, you take the control back and there's so many things you could do. You could turn on Rosetta
Stone, one of the sponsors of this podcast and listen to that French lesson that you started,
but you haven't had time to finish. Or you could call a friend. This is one of my favorite things
to do when I'm driving hands-free and just talk to somebody while you're driving behind that guardian
angel truck. You could start to see this as not lost time, but time that's been given back to you
as an opportunity. You can even do this at the post office. So let's go back to the line at the
post office. Instead of standing there getting frustrated and flustered, which only makes you
feel like you're losing control, it only makes the time go by faster. What if you use this found time
and you take a moment to text someone that you've been thinking about just to say hi? You know,
one goal of mine this year is to be more closely connected to my family. So I could use that time
waiting in line as a sign from the universe that I just gained a moment to reach out to my nephews.
They were in a water polo tournament all week and long and I want to congratulate them on their
wins. How cool is that? Or have an audiobook or a podcast like this one queued up so that you got
something that is your go-to in those moments because you can't control the time when you're
going to be forced to slow down or to wait. But you can control what you do with your time
while you're waiting. So make something important happen. That's what you can control.
Even if what you make happen in those moments is just practice staying calm or being in the moment
or practicing gratitude. And the more that you do that, the more you'll realize how much time and
energy you do have at your disposal to use in small and big ways. And you know what else you have in
your control? Whether or not it bothers you when I take a quick pause to go to break and give a
little airtime to our sponsors who bring this podcast to a zero cost. So don't you go anywhere.
I know you want to know these three other things that you can't control and trust me. The next one
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Welcome back at your friend Mel. We're talking about five surprising things that waste a lot of
your time and energy and how to take your control back. And so I now want to talk about the third
thing that you cannot control that is taking up a lot of your mental and emotional energy.
You cannot control the headlines, but you can control your headspace. Mel, what are you talking about?
Well, let me tell you. There's a big difference between being informed about what's going on
and getting inundated with things that are beyond your control that stress you out and freak you
out. And I'll tell you something. I used to be really stupid when it came to social media because
I was passive. And I'm going to explain what that means. Whatever it was, the social media or the
mass media platform was serving up, I was just taking it in. Oh, yeah, just serve it up to me.
Whatever headlines were on the news. That was what was filling my headspace. Whatever was dropping
into my social media feeds. That was what I was focused on. I'm here to tell you something.
Enough with that. It's time to take control. You have to get proactive. Do not be passive about
social media. You are handing your attention, which is one of your most precious commodities
away for free. As if it's nothing. This is how you weigh so much time and cause yourself so much
stress. If you don't take control of this, your Instagram feed is going to start looking like the
home shopping network. You know what I'm talking about? TikTok will become nothing but celebrity
news and influencers. And if you find yourself mindlessly watching 34 hours of television,
which by the way, based on a recent study is the average amount of time that Americans watch TV per
week. And I think I just heard all of you listening in the other 193 countries where this show is
syndicated ago. Americans. Well, you also spend time mindlessly watching TV. And your attention
is the single most important commodity that you have. And so I want to inspire you to get super
proactive about where you directed regardless of how much time you're spending watching TV or
wasting it on social media. I mean, those 34 hours could be directed at something that's important,
something that matters, something that's going to make your life better. And something that you
want to make happen instead of just mindlessly, passively giving it away. That's time you could
use to get your masters. You could use that to launch a side business. You could use that to get
serious about healing past trauma or learning how to be happy or heck. Just get to the gym, learn how
to cook. Let me ask you something. What's something that you would love to make happen in your life?
Are you being proactive about your time and your attention? I mean, just imagine what would happen
if you got super proactive about using social media to help you get what you want. This goes so far
beyond common sense. In fact, researchers have found that people who use social media passively to
browse content from other people are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and stress.
This is from a new study out of the UK that was published in the Journal of Behavior and
Information Technology. And the same study found that if you're proactive about social media,
meaning you create and share your own content without engaging passively on content with others
and doom scrolling all the time, it has a positive impact, especially on your stress levels.
It is so easy to make social media or the news outlets the villain in your life.
Oh, remember, remember, remember. But that just gives social media and the news all the power.
You keep the power because you're in control of how you use these things. And I want you to start
using them for good. By getting proactive and figuring out how you can take control of this,
it will support you in making important things happen in your own life because it can.
So how do you do that? You know, I remember about nine years ago when I was first kind of
really getting into the media business, I started following Gary Vaynerchuk. And I'll tell you what,
his content was so different than anyone else's because something came alive inside of me.
And it became the content that I started engaging with. And it spired me to start being more proactive
about posting more content instead of just sitting there, wasting time, feeling jealous,
and just like getting stressed out and procrastinating on social media.
And so you can choose who you follow because remember, you can't control the headlines,
but you can control your headspace. And you do that by getting very proactive about who has access to
you and who doesn't. And I know you want to do that because you made the choice to listen to this
podcast, a podcast that can help you create a better life. So do that with your social media accounts.
Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad and start following people and accounts proactively
that make you feel great about yourself that inspire you to get proactive and start taking action in your own life.
And by the way, whoever you think is spending way too much time on social media or follows a ton of
influencers or celebrities or accounts that make them feel bad or you're worried about them,
you know, send them this episode because if they won't listen to you or they don't really think about it this way,
maybe listening to this conversation will inspire them to take their attention and time seriously.
It'll help them not only think differently, but act differently in this area of your life.
And if you're listening to this right now because your friend or your mom or your dad or somebody that loves you sent you this
episode, I want to tell you some, you are capable of creating amazing things in your life. Take your time seriously.
Guard your attention like a hawk and get proactive. Stop being so damn passive with social media.
Get proactive. You're learning about the five things that you can't control that waste your time and energy.
And this is a huge one that does. And when you start directing your time and energy to the things that you can control,
like how you're using social media, who gets your attention, how you engage with it, holy cow, your stress is going to lower,
you're going to get more time back. Your life is going to change. And we're just into the first three.
We're going to take a quick break to your word from our sponsors. I'm going to get proactive about this.
And while you're listening, take a minute and share this episode to the person who needs to hear it.
And when we come back, I'm going to be waiting for you after a break.
We've got two more things that we're going to cover. And these are the most important in my opinion,
because these are the two most profound, surprising places where you're wasting time and energy and where I want you to learn how to take control.
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That's THRIVEMarket.com slash Mel. Welcome back you and I are talking about the five things
that are stealing time and energy from you and how to take control and get your power back
so that you can focus your time and energy on what really matters. We're on number four.
And here is the fourth thing that you cannot control. You can't control the past, but you can control
what you do in the present moment to help you move past it. No amount of regret is going to change
the past. So all the time that you spend looking back and beating yourself up, it's just creating
unnecessary emotional and mental distress. Yeah, you should look back and learn the lessons that
you need to learn. But when it comes to the things that you truly regret or in my case,
oh, cringe when you think about from your past, the best apology to other people and the most
powerful form of forgiveness for yourself is a change in behavior now. When you change,
you have proven that you've learned the lesson and you've moved on and you've become a better
you. And here's how you can do that. Make a decision today to start living your life in a way that
makes you feel proud of yourself because it'll prove that you're no longer that person that you
were in the past. Every single moment that you're looking backwards is wasted and it keeps you from
moving forward. The only way to move on from the things that you regret is to move forward. That's
how I did it. I mean, there are entire decades that I regret about my life. If you listen to the
episode about the lessons from my 20s, you heard about a lot of those regrets. But I'm really proud
of who I've become and what I'm doing in my present life. That's why I don't waste any time
in energy looking backward at the past. And you can do the same thing. You can use the present
moment to free yourself from the regrets you have in the past. Sitting there and thinking about
what you did wrong or what you wish you had or hadn't done doesn't do anything but make you feel bad.
You can't control the past, but you can control what you do in the present moment to help you move
past it. And here's how you're going to do that. First, would you give yourself more credit?
Because you're not the same person that you were in the past. I mean, look at you. Heck,
look at me for crying out loud. I'm no longer that anxiety-ridden, toxic person that I was in college.
Back then, I had no idea what trauma was, that I was affected by it, that I had experienced it.
I had no idea that I had ADHD or anxiety. I'd never been to therapy. I didn't even know how much I
was actually suffering. I just thought I was completely screwed up. I'm not that person anymore.
And you're not the person used to be either. So stop looking backwards. Look in the mirror.
Look at the person you are today. And please, give yourself more credit. And the second thing I want
you to do is ask yourself this. Starting today, what changes do you need to make that would make you
really proud of yourself? Maybe you need to get up earlier. Maybe today is the day you quit vaping.
Or maybe it's bringing a more positive and optimistic mood to your family or to your roommates or
to your colleagues at work. You can control what you do in the present moment and who you become.
And that's what helps you move past the things that you regret. Changing today proves that you're
no longer the person that you used to be. And so starting today, I want you to make the most of your
life moving forward. That's how you make big things happen. That's how you create a better future.
And the final thing is that you can't control, but it costs you a lot of time and energy.
The future. You can't control the future, but you will create it by what you do in the present.
The future hasn't happened yet. So you might as well stop worrying about what's going to happen
right now. Stop worrying and stressing and being anxious about your future. It is a complete
waste of your time. You need to be worried about what you're doing today. Besides, I can tell you
what's going to happen in the future. I can tell you who you're going to be in six months from today.
Based on your habits, your friend group, and the social media that you consume right now.
That's how important the present is. See, what you're doing today has a bigger impact on the next
six months than any amount of worry or anxiety could ever have. So if you're sitting there worried
about your parents dying like so many of you are, have you called them today? If you're sitting
there worried about what you're going to look like on your summer vacation, have you exercised today?
You're worried about retiring. Have you even done a budget? Instead of watching other people's
YouTube channels, today could be the day you start yours and you make it happen. Instead of wishing
the weight would magically fall off by your vacation, today could be the day you make a plan
and make it happen. Instead of hoping that you'll get a promotion in the future, today could be
the day that you schedule a meeting with your supervisor about what you need to do in order to make
that happen in the next six months. See, the next six months are coming whether you do something
different or not. And I'm here to tell you, you don't need to worry about your future because your
day-to-day life already predicts what it's going to look like. So unless you start doing something
different today, we already know what's going to happen. So stop worrying, stop feeling anxious,
and let's get proactive. Let's define what you want and then let's make it happen. Let's get started
today. And you know what? I'd like to help you do that. I mentioned this at the top, but now let me
tell you a little bit more about this brand new free training for you because getting started and
taking action and being proactive, that's what I'm going to teach you to do. That's why I designed
this training called make it happen because it is easy to talk about what you want to do. It's hard
to actually do it. And nothing in your life is going to change until you start taking action and
you make it change. And I have already said this, but it bears repeating. I am so moved by your
support of this podcast that I am constantly trying to go beyond just having you listen or watching
an experience with me. I really do mean it. I don't want you to waste any more time and energy on
these five stupid things. I want to do whatever I can to empower you to direct your attention and your
time and your energy toward things that matter. I want you to take risks and make the changes that
make your life better. And I don't care where you're listening to me right now or what you're facing.
The fact is you can make amazing things happen. Right now, you're part of a global community of
listeners of people that are doing amazing things. Your fellow listeners are winning Emmys for their
work on shows like Bridgerton. They're launching YouTube channels. They're finishing their manuscripts.
They're getting their first book published. They're creating life after divorce. They're losing
a hundred pounds. They're moving across the world and taking that trip and making big risks. And
you've heard me say this, if you can define it, you can make it happen if you're willing to work for
it. And now you know five things that are beyond your control that are a waste of your time and
energy. You want to know what is never a waste of your time and energy, your own self improvement,
your own goals, your own dreams. And that's why this new two-part training is going to guide you
in defining what you want and making it happen. I don't want you to waste your life being passive.
Let's get proactive. Don't waste 34 hours a week watching TV. You can invest two hours with me
and get started today. And you now know how important today is when it comes to what the next six
months of your life look like. Nearly a million of you downloaded the guide that I created to help
you make 2024 one of the best years of your life. And if you loved that free training,
Mel out there to sell for you this time. This one's going to blow you away. Just go to
melrobbins.com slash make it happen. It is two hours of brand new premium video content.
The curriculum is backed by science. And there is a free workbook that is included that's 25 pages
long to help you go deeper and make this stick. And it's all there for you. Why wouldn't you take
this opportunity to let me your friend Mel Robbins help you support you coach you teach you and
making something awesome happen. Because what you do today has a bigger impact on the next six
months of your life than any amount of worry or anxiety or beating yourself up ever will. So let's
stop that Tom Foulery right now and let's get into action. Just go to melrobbins.com slash make it
happen. And by the way, will you be generous with that link? Can you share this with absolutely
everyone that you know? Because when you surround yourself with other people that are making big
things happen, it helps you make big things happen too. And I want that for you. And by the way,
I can't wait to see you in the training. And I can't wait to see what you create in your life with
this additional support for me and my team. And in case no one else tells you today, let me be the
first to tell you that I love you. I believe in you. I believe in your ability to protect your time
and your energy to focus on what you can control and to do what it takes to make big things happen
and create a better life. Now go do it.
I drive myself and the people in my life crazy. Hold on a second.
I have something so. Hold on a second. But before we jump in, let me start on my turn.
But it's time. Oh my god. Are the dogs already back? Wow.
Great energy. Is it okay? I'm not yelling at you. No. I don't feel yelling.
No, no. And I cannot wait to support you in making that. Oh my god. Okay.
Okay.
Oh, and one more thing. I know this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know,
what the lawyer's right and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for
educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist
and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician,
professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the
next episode. Stitcher. You know, over the weekend, I was sitting on the screen in porch,
writing my next book at a folding card table. And I turned to my husband, Chris. And I was like,
dude, we have got to order a table for out here on the porch. But you want to know what's
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