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And it's filled with all kinds of practices or experiences that I can just turn to depending on how I'm feeling at the time.
So if it's a beautiful day outside, I might go for a walk.
If I'm feeling a bit stagnant, I may do some exercising.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
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Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hi, everyone. This is Dear Headspace, a podcast where each week I sit down with a headspace meditation teacher, and we answer your questions.
Now, you are probably wondering who I am.
Well, I am Robin Hopkins.
I am an actor, a writer, a podcaster, and I just so happen to be one of the producers.
I have to say one of because we have an amazing team, but I'm one of the producers here on this show.
I am also a mom of two, and I'm a lady who is doing her best to meditate more and maybe yell at my kids a little bit less.
Nice. Nice, Robin. Well, I'm Kay Songa.
My name name is K Sunga.
I'm one of the mindfulness meditation teachers here at Headspace.
And I'm also a former licensed acupuncturist, a former psychotherapist, and a former bartender.
Wait, what? I feel like I can get all the good things at once from you.
I can get a cocktail and psychological help.
I mean, that's perfect.
I've worn many hats, Robin.
I've worn many hats in my day.
I love this. And now, before we get into questions, I want to ask you, are you nervous?
Does sitting and doing a podcast, does that feel like a different format for you compared to, you know, being a meditation teacher?
Well, I mean, naturally it's a different format, right?
Because it's a podcast.
But what I'm excited about is the questions.
Because keep in mind, as a meditation teacher, if I teach a class, a huge part of any class, any mindfulness class, meditation class, is the discussion, is the dialogue that we get into.
So yeah, the questions are kind of like the essence of it all.
So I'm, no, no, this is par for the course.
I'm thrilled. And our listeners don't know that I don't share the questions with you.
Right, exactly. You just get like a general topic, so you're coming in completely blind to what the questions are.
But that's how it is in real life, right?
Yeah, exactly. Everyone has questions that they just throw at you.
Like when you were a bartender, that's how it was.
People come in with their problems.
You didn't know what drink they were asking for.
Okay, well, I am so happy that you are here today with me, Kasanga.
And coming up on today's show, we have some really exciting questions for us to tackle.
We are going to talk disconnection.
Nice. procrastination, and how the news can bring you down.
So Kasanga, are you ready?
I am absolutely ready.
Those are all things that we all deal with.
They all pertain to our everyday life.
So yeah, let's get into it.
All right, we're doing it.
Here we go. Question number one.
Dear Headspace, hi, this is Mary.
I can't stop watching horrible videos online about war and death and I keep having nightmares but I can't look away I want to be informed but I think it's not good for me so what should I do yeah that's our first question that is it that is a deep question it is a deep question and I think it's a question that everyone can relate
to because of all of the things that are happening in this country all the things that are happening in this world.
So I think I would just start there, just saying, yeah, I'm in a space of just feeling a bit distraught, feeling a bit overwhelmed, and just accepting that this is where I'm at right now.
And I think that, no, I think I know that that's okay.
And when you say that, you mean the part about being stressed out, you're not speaking about the scrolling or the watching the news you're just speaking about just general space of like I am here and I have to acknowledge I'm here actually I think I'm saying okay to it all all of it okay yeah I'm saying
okay tell me more because with with um what's the alternative the alternative is is judging yourself saying I shouldn't be doing this right I shouldn't be doing that.
The first step with any change that you want to make is that acceptance and that awareness.
I'm scrolling. That's fine.
Now the next step is what do I want?
It sounds like with Mary, she wants to learn how to stop.
Or in more moderation.
Right. That's what I heard.
Right, right, and more moderation.
So we have this natural desire and urge to be informed of what's going on.
And human nature, I have to say it, we all are attracted to drama.
What? Right? A little bit, a little bit.
Right. And so with social media, with the news constantly feeding us, there is a level of almost addiction here where you're addicted to just information.
It's like information overload.
So, again, if you want to change, if you want to shift out of that, you have to first accept, okay, this is where I'm at now.
Now, what can I do?
That might mean putting down the phone.
That might mean, as I do with my daughters, setting a timer.
Right. Timers work.
Right, exactly. So this is stepping into the beauty of technology where you can set a timer for yourself where it shuts off on its own.
So that might be, that's fine.
Now the next step is what do I want?
It sounds like with Mary, she wants to learn how to stop.
Or in more moderation.
Right. Is what I heard.
Right, right, in more moderation.
So we have this natural desire and urge to be informed of what's going on.
And human nature, I have to say it, we all are attracted to drama.
What? Right? A little bit, a little bit.
Right. And so with social media, with the news constantly feeding us, there is a level of almost addiction here where you're addicted to just information.
It's like information overload.
so again if you want to change if you want to shift out of that you have to first accept okay this is where i'm at now now what can i do what can what can i that might mean putting down the phone that might mean as i do with my daughters setting a timer right right so this is timeers work right exactly
so this is stepping into the the beauty of technology where you can set a timer for yourself where it shuts off on its own.
So that might be something to keep in mind, Mary.
Okay. But let's just say you're scrolling and you're in and you have the mindset of, I want to be informed.
It's important. I'm an adult.
I'm supposed to be informed in this world and this is what I'm supposed to do.
What do I do when I'm in there and it's making me, how do I know it's making me feel bad?
And how do I stop? How do you know when's enough of information?
So again, there's nothing wrong with looking, right?
There's nothing wrong with scrolling, there comes a point, and I've experienced it myself, when we know, okay, wow, this is too much.
Wow, I'm getting to that space of overwhelm.
So I have a mantra, and I call it what if, right?
And I use it for things that I want to change.
If I want to eat something that might not be the healthiest for me, what if I just say no for now, right?
Ooh, for now is powerful.
Yeah, right. So what if I just put down the phone, right?
And so this what if mantra, what it does, it alleviates that pressure, that judgment.
Because if you should be doing something, then that means that if you're not doing it, it implies that you're wrong.
Yeah. That you're being bad.
So it creates a sense of judgment.
So whenever you hear yourself saying should or I'm supposed, let that kind of be a ping word.
All right, I might be in a space of judgment right now.
Let me allow myself to shift out of it.
And that's where the what if comes in.
What if I just put this phone down?
What if I turn it to television for now?
What if I go for a walk, right?
So that what if allows you to gently shift into another space.
It lifts that judgment.
What's interesting about what you're saying is that the key to stop doing it is your body, is you're checking in with your body or a feeling in your center of like, oh, this feeling is not a feeling I want to feel.
Right. That gives me the clue that I want to make a change.
You know, what about for those moments when there's large -scale tragedies happening in the world, whether it be, you know, 9 -11, COVID?
What about in those moments?
Because you're bombarded with information during those moments everywhere you turn.
I mean, think about COVID.
Even if you put your phone down and you weren't scrolling through Twitter, everyone was talking about it.
It was all in the public.
What do you do then?
It's so common these days, right?
I mean, I remember, like you said, COVID hit.
And then I remember George Floyd happened right after.
So it was almost like these events were just like judgment.
Absolutely. And then the P is proceed.
And proceed is moving forward, making a wise decision, making a skillful choice versus reacting.
Yeah. So you're saying that one, she's got this issue.
We're not going to call it a problem because that's judgment.
She's got an issue.
She's aware of it. She needs to bring awareness to her actions.
So she needs to check in with her body.
She needs to make sure when she starts to feel that, I mean, for lack of a better word, like kind of that icky feeling within her body that she then tries to bring in the what if, what if I put this down right now?
What if that's my limit.
And then she begins a practice where she could implement stop, which you talked about, to begin practicing a reset and then to come back and to try again.
But the biggest takeaway I heard was the taking the judgment out of it so that she can play in the space of practicing protecting herself and taking care of herself.
Is that fair? No, no, that's absolutely spot on.
I listened to you, Cassandra.
Yeah, and just to piggyback, I'll say the last thing is, with all of this, just be extremely patient and gentle with yourself.
All right, so obviously what Mary needs is to have Kasanga on speed dial.
I think we've solved it.
Okay, all right, so let's move on to question number two.
Okay, let's do it. This is Brett Taylor.
So I've been meditating with Headspace for, it's been about maybe like seven or eight years, but somehow it still feels like a daily chore.
It's important to me, I would love to be meditating on a more reliable and consistent basis.
That keeps me more present and alive to the world's inside and around me.
But I do find myself, I will procrastinate beforehand, even if it's just for like a five minute meditation, I'll still procrastinate.
It doesn't feel like the treat that I know that it can be, it feels currently like it's a means to an end.
But I'm 100 % sure that it doesn't have to be this way.
So as far as bringing the fun into meditation and making it feel like something that I look forward to, I would love some guidance.
Oh, Brett. I mean, I am with Brett on this question.
Yeah. Right? No, no, totally.
Totally. I remember when I first started practicing and everything Brett said, I can totally relate to.
Yeah. Yeah, that procrastinating and knowing that it's something that's good for you, but still putting it off.
I feel like I put off most things that are good for me for no apparent reason.
Why do we do that? I think it's human nature for some reason.
That's the ultimate question.
Why, right? Why procrastination?
I don't know. I think meditation is one of those activities that kind of falls into that easy to procrastinate back.
What else is in it?
Like exercising, exercising.
So with exercising, you know you procrastinate perhaps because - Well, it's going to be hard.
And that shit is painful.
But so with meditating, with meditation, it's easy.
I think it's one of those activities that it sounds easy.
But when you sit down with yourself and with your thoughts, with your mind, it's like, wow, okay, this is a lot more complicated than I anticipated, than I thought.
It's hard. I find it.
I mean, I'm a person where my brain's going a million miles an hour.
And so to slow down and to just sit five minutes can feel like five hours.
Right. So I think with meditation specifically, and I can only speak, this is when I, like I said, when I first started meditating, I experienced this.
And this is what I kind of did for myself to kind of ease myself into the practice.
So that's key, right?
Easing yourself into the practice i wonder brett if you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to i don't know to have to do seven days a week 40 minutes each time like that kind of thing right i wonder if brett is painting some picture of how he's supposed to yeah to be practicing yes right versus just
okay this is how i'm practicing right now so i will say first paying attention to that what kind of pressure are you putting on yourself brett right so because that pressure can kind of impede your practice in and of itself.
So that could be a first step.
Secondly, I would say to do simple go -to prompts.
You have writing prompts, you have meditation prompts.
A simple one, and this is one that you might have heard me say before, is when you wake up in the morning, I don't care who you are, where you live, you have to, at some point upon waking, place your feet on the floor to get out of bed.
Okay. Right? Unless you just float out of bed, right?
But yeah, so that can be a prompt in and of itself.
Once your feet hit the floor, boom, that can be a three to five minute sitting meditation on the edge of your bed.
Oh, that's really good.
Yeah, so Brett mentioned creating something to look forward to, right?
So I look forward to waking up.
I'm grateful waking up.
I look forward to waking up because I know that before I even get into anything, once my feet hit my lovely floor, I'm going to drop into a three, five minute practice.
You know what I love about that in particular is that I have the best intentions in the morning, but I've got kids and like life moves.
And then as soon as I start doing that first thing, I go, I gotta go feed the cat.
It's all over. And so I love the opportunity that you're presenting to say, before you click into your day, stop and take a moment to start the practice.
Sure. Before you click in, drop in.
All right? I see what you did there.
Look at that. That wasn't even scripted.
Well done. And so that's what I did for a while.
That was my practice.
And then it evolved.
Yeah. It evolved organically and naturally.
So then I was like, okay, you know what?
I was taking a class at the time.
In class, we used these meditation cushions.
And I placed it right by my bed.
So I would place my feet on the floor and eventually I just shifted right down into the cushion.
Oh. Yeah. And so keeping that in mind also, it doesn't have to be complicated.
Yeah. At all. A simple cushion, a simple seat, make it as simple as possible.
Just like adding on.
Just adding on. And it'll happen organically.
Yeah. Taking that pressure, just take that pressure away.
Well, and I also think, so my kids are 13 and 11 and my youngest one has got this thing in his head now where he wants to maybe work out and he wants to kind of get into shape and every once in a while he'll say so I'm gonna work out every day you know I'm gonna I'm working every day and I'm always
like you're setting yourself up for failure in some ways it's a lot of pressure because that's you're 11 and you also love gaming and you you have school and you have all these other commitments like what if we just looked at three times a week to start you know it's just I I often think I know for myself
that I set I set the goal too high too fast too soon yeah and then I flame out.
I love that you said that, Robin, because what came to mind with that is also consistency, right?
So consistency is key.
So even with your example of your son, you mentioned instead of every day, three times a week.
So let's scale that back.
Let's shift that a little bit.
What if every day upon waking, 10 pushups?
Do you find that a habit is better solidified if you do it every day versus multiple times in a week?
Absolutely. Like when I first started meditating, I meditated every day, but I put ridiculous pressure to sit for like 45 minutes to an hour.
It was absurd, Robin.
It didn't last at all.
So I had to quickly, quickly scale that back.
Three minutes every day is doable.
It really is. Especially again, feet on the floor, waking up, feet on the floor, three minutes.
Boom. Do you have any sense of why we avoid the things that are actually good for us no I think that's just the mystery of life Robin right not to get too mystical or cosmic here I think that is one of the mysteries or one of the obstacles if you will or I don't know that's one of the secrets that we
are designed as human beings to experience yes you know well that's where growth comes right like when you are able to I know when I show up and I do that thing that I was procrastinating on, when I finish, I'm like this, I'm a champion.
Like I am so proud of myself and that's the growth.
And then there's equal learnings in the days that I missed.
Yeah. And I feel bad about myself and then I have to ask that question of myself.
Do I want to feel bad or do I want to feel good?
That might be the answer right there, right?
Your intention. So what is your intention?
What do you want to accomplish in your life?
whatever arena we're talking, how can you best accomplish what you want to accomplish without hurting yourself with judgment, without hurting yourself emotionally?
It's a great question.
I mean, I feel like that's a meaning of life type question.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
And not just because I asked it.
No, it's truly one of the mysteries.
Yeah. And Brett, just keep us posted.
We want to know how this practice goes for you and, you know, the self -discipline and all of that.
Absolutely. Yes. Please keep in touch.
We'd love to see how your journey continues.
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All right, let's move into our last question.
Are you ready, Kasanga?
I'm here for it. I wanted to ask, how do I process feeling like I never belong to anything?
If I were to put my stock into Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I can interpret that I would never reach self -actualization because I have yet to feel what love feels like and I have never felt like I belonged to anything.
I do not always feel like I belong to a community especially not a black community and I struggle to maintain supportive relationships with other women.
I have a doctoral degree and yet I do not feel like I belong to an educational elite or circle.
Sometimes I think I landed on the wrong planet And now I'm trapped.
I identify as Black and female.
I was born human, yet my ethnicity is much more complex and I'm not even sure I like humans sometimes.
And it's because of the cruelty and trauma I've experienced within my own family history, the workplace and among my social groups.
So I guess I'm basically asking, where do I belong on this planet?
And how can meditation help me solve this dilemma?
that is a deep layered question i mean i just felt i wanted to put my hand on my heart for her yeah that that there's so many layers to to that question i just in the question i just felt for her because you could you could feel you know we we talked at the top about disconnection and you could just
feel what it like feeling disconnected what what it's doing to her for sure and i would But I'm going to dip into a couple of bags here.
So with Sakari, she mentioned a lot of external factors.
And so what initially came to mind for me is I'm curious about what is Sakari's relationship with Sakari.
And it sounds like this feeling of disconnect, which is completely natural and perfectly okay.
Because I think we all may experience this feeling of disconnect at some point in our lives.
Yeah. And I'm sure it's something that she was experiencing pre -pandemic, right?
So it might have even been exacerbated.
So I'm sure that kind of catapulted her feelings.
So I would, that's the kind of questions I would ask Sakari.
How do you feel about yourself?
How do you feel about spending time with Sakari?
How do you feel about stepping into this space of what I call empowered solitude?
I think before Sakari can connect to the outside, I would encourage Sakari to connect with herself.
Yeah. It's almost like you're saying it's like you can't love someone else until you love yourself first.
Right. That's what comes back.
Exactly. That's the whole premise with love and kindness, right?
Before you can spread love and kindness to others, you have to first cultivate it within yourself.
Yeah. Especially since I'm hearing that she's experienced some trauma in her life, right?
As we all have. We all have experienced our own level of trauma.
Absolutely. Some more than others, naturally.
So I think because of that, I would encourage Sakari even more so to investigate her relationship with herself first.
And so how does that look?
Well, as a former psychotherapist, I'm a huge advocate for therapy.
Yeah. And she mentioned some family trauma.
She mentioned being a black woman in this world, in this country, which, I mean, I could totally relate to.
I mean, I'm not a woman, but I am black.
I'm a black man. So I understand to some extent what she's experiencing.
So all of that, I would highly encourage stepping into some therapy.
She asked about meditation.
So as a former psychotherapist, almost all of my clients I had and I blended therapy with mindfulness and meditation because the two go hand in hand.
I was going to say, I was just going to say that exact same phrase.
They really do. Yeah.
So, um, you know, hopefully she'll be able to find, um, a therapist that does have that mindfulness meditation background.
Um, if not, the therapy can still be good and then she can pair the meditation on her own.
So that's one way. Therapy can be one way to cultivate this, this empowered solitude.
Well, so in Sakari's question, there's a real, there's even a question within that of what does it mean to her to belong?
So like what, what does it mean to belong you know maybe that's even often what she's thinking about herself so um when you text you have all these abbreviations yeah right like lmk yeah let me know right so with this particular i would use i y k yk if you know you know there's a there's an innate um
feeling that we all have as far as connection is concerned yeah and you know when is genuine and when it's not yeah oftentimes we force it we're not completely honest with ourselves we want that connection to happen we want it to exist so badly because we all yearn yeah we all yearn for that that feeling of belonging
and so oftentimes we force it or we're not honest with ourselves about whether this connection is genuine or not yeah but you know You know, it's intangible.
I can use myself as an example, even here at Headspace.
I knew the connection that I had with the people here was genuine off tops because you feel it.
You feel it in your bones.
So it's the same way whenever you meet someone.
You just got to tap in.
And I think that's where the practice, the meditation, the mindfulness practice really comes into play.
Because with this practice, again, you get in contact with yourself first before you try to force a connection with anyone else.
Well, I think of it as times like in my life, like maybe in my early 20s, like maybe I wasn't as confident.
And in the relationship sphere, I was like, why am I not attracting anyone?
Because I was just like desperation walking around being like, please love me.
Please love me. No one's going to love a person who isn't loving themselves.
And that was the work I had to do in order to attract my wife.
Like I needed to fully and completely love myself wholly as I am.
And then she showed up.
Absolutely. Immediately.
So you mentioned that therapy and meditation kind of go hand in hand together.
Can you speak a little deeper on how they complement each other or how you feel that works together?
So when you meditate, you're allowing yourself to, in a sense, learn how to be with whatever is present, whether it's the strong emotions, whether it's the racing thoughts, whether it's the physical pain.
So you're learning how to be with that.
And then from there, paired with therapy, you're learning how to process it.
learning how to process what is present for you so the two pair together it's like magic I was going to say it's like wine and cheese but magic is also but I do have to say I think we need to be mindful that not everyone has the financial means to go to therapy I know that there's places where there's
sliding scales and all that stuff but even that might be out of reach for some people Do you have thoughts or tips for people that maybe the finances are an issue?
Sure. There are places, and I know that there are places that offer pro bono therapy sessions, pro bono meditation classes.
And I know they exist because I used to work with a nonprofit that provided these kind of services.
So you might have to be resourceful, but it exists and it's out there.
It is. It is out there.
Unfortunately, not enough.
Yeah. But it is out there.
Kasanga, that was amazing.
I can't say it enough.
I'm so impressed with your practice and your advice and all the vibes that you're giving.
Anyone who just tuned into this is going to walk away with just such knowledge and power.
I'm going to walk away feeling better.
Oh, Robin. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
It's my pleasure. I truly believe that this world would be a better place if everyone meditated and adopted this lifestyle.
Yeah. Of mindfulness.
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
And I especially was really tuned in.
I mean, you might've heard it during the call, but when you were talking to Brett around procrastination and, you know, for the folks who tuned in last week, you know that I am working on an appreciation meditation series.
I started it for my birthday, right?
Cause I wanted to start my year off in a place of appreciation for all these wonderful things that are happening in my life.
Of course, I am very slowly working on it.
Azanga, slow. But I now have the feet on the floor thing.
That's one important thing that would be helpful.
Steady. You're steadily working on it.
Oh, see, look at this.
Less judgment in what you said than what I said.
Indeed. No, no, no.
I love that series.
I also think that for folks who have questions that resonated with anything that we talked about today, whether it's the procrastination or the disconnection, there are meditations that are actually on the Headspace app that can be very beneficial.
There's actually a fight procrastination video with Kevin Hart.
Is there really? Yeah, it's with Kevin Hart on the app.
I think that can be very helpful.
For disconnect, there's a connect with nature meditation.
There's also a we are all connected meditation that's right there on the Headspace app.
Oh, that's amazing.
That's so perfect and right on.
And I mean, and this is why this is why I brought you here.
No one else. It was just me who said this is Kasanga today.
I'm just kidding. Everyone wanted you here.
So I am going to, I'm going to take your words.
I'm going to prioritize this too.
I am on it, but I do want to say to the people who are listening, if you have questions for our teachers and you want to be on a future episode, all you have to do is head over to say hi dot chat slash dear headspace you get to record your question there also yeah right and if we feature your question on the show
you're gonna get three months of free headspace for yourself or a loved one i mean you can't beat that you can't be right you can't yeah and just just everyone please please continue to send us your questions you have no idea how much we love receiving your questions and just hearing from the community
that's really what we're all about well i'm sad to say it but it is time for us to go but i'm gonna one i'm gonna ask you feel stay here and keep fixing me and then I want you to tell people about the little sonic treat that we have for them absolutely absolutely correct what we've done is we've built in some
time for you to actually digest what you've just learned alongside the delightful sounds of a crackling campfire this is a moment just to just allow your mind to just do whatever it wants to do to transition from this space that we've been in into whatever you have next to do.
So, I'm going to say it.
Till next time, stay happy, stay healthy.
And always, always be kind to each other.
Words to live by. Here we go.
I don't know. Little bit more Thank you.
dear headspace is a headspace studios original podcast it's produced by robin hopkins ash jones and scott sorenson it's executive produced by morgan selzer sarah cohen baron farmar and danny it's hosted and produced by robin hopkins kesanga giscombe dora kamau samantha snowden and Eve Lewis Prieto.
Sound recording and post -production is by Dan Kroll.
Music is by Scott Sorensen and Chris Merguia.
And a very special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
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