[Handling Kids' Use of Curse Words: A Guide to Staying Calm and Connected]-[When Your Kid Drops the F Bomb]

Well, I promise you I have abetter, more effective and probably initially counterintuitive approach for you and I'm going to walk through it all with MileyTeal, one of my favorite people to talk to about parentingtopics.

I'mDr. Becky and this is goodinside.

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Hi myleak. HelloDr.Becky.

So good to behere. So excited for this conversation and I want to kind of set it up and then pleasecorrect.

Okay. Would I get wrong because probably something but the other day you posted something in the good inside community and both what happened that you posted about feels like something happens in so many parents homes and it's the kind of stuff that freaks usout.

And then the way you thought through it and it ended up handlingit, it just was sostriking.

So tell me if thisis, youknow, an approximatesummer.

Right. So your son fivesex, he just turnedsix, he was five at thetime.

Okay. Five at thetime. Has been in a let's say bad language phase and I'm not talking the poopoo pee peestuff.

I'm talking the stuff that will get this podcast a different type ofrating, youknow, like anE.

Right. So I'm talking the F word and the Bword.

Okay. Andokay. Let me just let's just saythis.

I have a five yearold. He's saying words that raise myeyebrows.

Yes. Oh mygoodness. You heard the F wordsomewhere.

You heard the B wordsomewhere.

You're bringing it into ourhouse.

You want to be saying thesethings.

I think we all of the same inclination as a parent metoo.

Right.Pro. What is wrong withyou?

No, no TV for a month and thenI, youknow, won't even upholdthat.

But I want tosay.Right.

And so this is my understanding of kind ofsetup.

Now tell me what did I miss or add a little morecolor.

Yeah. Sokindergarten, a very exciting year forus.

And I'm excited for all that he's going tolearn.

And, youknow, it's just like right behind some new math or some newwords.

And itjust, it was like building over the year oflike, what's the Sword?

I heard the Sword. What isit?

Then it was like the Dword.

Is that the SH?Yes.H,H,H,H,yeah.

Okay. Then thatone, then it's like the Dword, youknow, Imean, it wasjust, I almost felt likehe, he just wanted tolike, he knew he saw something happen in me when he would like come home withit.

So for the entirekindergarten, he knew theletter.

And then he was learning theword.

And when we got to the F word and the Bword, Ijust, this is where I was just likethese, Idon't, you'refive, you're five yearsold.

And so what I posted in the community is that Isaid, youknow, the F word and the Bword, those are just some hard ones formom.

And I don't even want tolike, I don't even want tohear.

And so he just is quietly writing on a piece ofpaper.

And I don't know a parent that will interrupt a quietchild,just, youknow, looking like he's drawing somethingbeautiful.

And then he hands me this master piece that has like the F word and B word beautifully written all overit.

And he goes amasterpiece.

And I've seen this piece ofpaper.

Imean, I don't think I've written the F word or the Bword.

That number of times I'mlike, I don't think I've ever writtenit.

It'slike, I generally write and in arow, Imean, this is like a full eight by11, half by 11computer.

And it's just like Fword, Bword, Fword, Bword, Fword, Fword, Bword, Fword, Fword, Fword, Fright?

It's justlike,yeah, it looked like it could bewallpaper.

Likehe, he covered thepage.

It's like dadsaid, I think that should be our Christmas card thisyear.

Imean,he, he lovedit. And I posted in the community that Iwas, I was blown away at how I handledit.

He hands me thepaper. Dad looks atme.

I look athim. He smiles atus.

And it's justlike, allright.

Here wego. So I know everyone'slike, how do you handleit?

Like there isthis. I feel like so much going to happen in thatmoment.

You like see the way yourparent, whatever responded like in thatmoment, you'relike, I seethat.

You'relike, I kind of have my long-term goals inmind, like to some degree with cursewords.

These words are just in theether.

They're all going to learn that we justwant, we actually want them just to kind of passby.

Like they're just some wordlike, and we know the more you tell akid, I don'tknow, I can't have ice cream rightnow, the more they're going to want icecream.

So making itforbidden, we know as aneffective, but it feels sohard.

So I don't know if it's initiallywrong.

You'relike, am I not going to punish mykid?

Like it feels sohard. The first thing that came up was basically what I heard is that the minute your child comes home with a curseword, people arelike,well, they must have gotten it fromyou,right?

And so now I'mlike,well, it must beme.

And I will tellyou, I use cursewords, but I hadn't used them around mychild.

And so I'mlike, this isnot, I had nothing to do withthis.

The kids atschool, you were always up against the oldersiblings, just because it'skindergarten, youknow, half the kids have older siblings where they are learning thesewords.

And I just waslike, first ofall, thisisn't, this isn't an indication of my parenting is what Isaid, is that my child using curse words doesn't make me a badparent.

And I could hearyou. It'slike, this isn't mygrade.

I am not being measured by this piece ofpaper.

Youknow, I felt like how I handled it was the test forme.

Youknow, it'slike, allright.

You just got handedit. Can you can you slow that down because I think as aparent, I don't know if any of us consciouslythink,yeah, my kid had a tantrum in a grocerystore.

My kid didn't say thankyou.

My kid is a curseword. I don't thinkconsciously.

Wesay,oh, and youknow, those moments are a grade of myparenting.

Those moments are abarometer.

But I do think like you so much of what drives the intensity of our reaction in themoment, I think is to some degree that we think our kids behavior is a way of saying toeveryone, my mom is anF.

She's anF. She's aD. atleast,right?

Sure. Imean, you can't stop these things fromhappening.

Youknow, it's justlike, I am not in the kindergartenclass.

The world is moving sofast.

Everything that my childdoes, doesn't showthat, youknow, this isn't mygrade.

And so when he started bringing these different wordshome, and then he started to learn how to spellthem.

And then he was justobsessed.

He would want to saythem.

He, but youknow, I feel like I needto, I feel like I need to use some badwords.

And so we designated thebasement, youknow,he, he would go down there and you could just like hear kind of like footsteps andmarching.

And then he come back up andsay, allright, I'mdone.

Wow.Well,yeah. And just don't unpack this because I know you and I have actually talked about this in so many ways that have nothing to do with curse words is this difference between an urge to want to dosomething.

And then the act of doingthat.

And so many ofus, probably going back to our ownchildhoods, society ingeneral, they don't separate those two things because the truth is you can have an urge forme.

I can have an urge to yell at myhusband.

As long as I don't yell at myhusband, who cares if I have theurge?

So infact, the more we can approach our urges with awareness withoutshame, with a little bit of agreeting,oh,hi, urge to yell at myhusband.

And if I was able to say tomyself, you knowwhat, myhusband, onesecond, I just need to go into thebasement, just say somestuff, youknow, I think we all would kind of applaud melike,wow, what an amazingmoment.

And so when our kids arehitting,right, it's okay if they want to hit if they've energy coming out of theirhands, hit apillow,right?

But it's okay if our kids want to say some words if they have a place to dischargethem.

That actually is a very high level coping strategy and is the opposite of when wesay, we say to ourkids, you can't saythat.

And now they don't have a way to separate saying it toyou, just saying it to nobody in thebasement.

And the truth is the latter is actually sophisticated and the former is badbehavior,right?

So you are able toreally, it seems like start with him like even before the F and the B wordcame, youknow, aswallpaper, youknow, toyour, to youreyes, as kind of you started thatstrategy.

So he was already kind of aware my urge to say these things is different than saying it in the black parents support group at goodinside.

I brought thisup. And so I waslike, as the words are unfolding over all of themonths, we just startedtalking, youknow, the idea that my kid couldeven, there could be a place for the wordswithout, youknow, I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap or all the different things that we wentthrough, which is just like the introduction of the idea that he could go somewhere and say thesebasements,bathrooms, and soon.

And so Imean, that was a huge step forme.

And I even think dad was looking at melike, you're really going to let him dothis.

And then anotherstrategy, something that we worked through over the months was mesaying, getting theurge, sharing withhim, I feellike, I feel like I need tosay,like, I feel like I want to saysomething, but mine has always shutup.

Like, I mom feel like she need to say a word and sayit, youknow, but then Idon't.

And so Imean, he's come so far and even just last night it's a bad time andwe're, and he's just likemom,like,like, he doesn't want to say the wordsanymore.

It waslike, it felt like it was a train that was not going toend.

And Imean, we went through all of the words and kept the school yearwith, hesays, is 69 a privatenumber.

I'mlike, Icannot. What ishappening?

What is happening inHinder?

Yeah.Well, youknow, I think some parents worry like as my kid getting exposed to things that are doing myhome, but I kindof, I don'tknow, I always think like your whole life with yourkid, they're going to be exposed to things that happen in your home unless you lock them in yourhome.

And so you have these early moments where I think what you said is sobeautiful.

Like, my job is how Ireact.

So what's going to set my kid up in the long run to be able to manage thesituation, to be able to manage other things that they hear in life that aren't really within our valuesystem, but they will inevitably be exposed to unless I'm keeping them unlocked downforever, which I know is not your MO nor is it mostbearable.

Right.Yeah.No, it'sjust, it's going tohappen.

And Iwas, it's justlike, Iwonder, I have other friendslike, is that what's happening inyour, in yourclass?

And this does seem like we're moving really fasthere.

But then there's a part of me thatwondered, my other kidsknow, but is my son just comfortable sharing everything with me because he's knows that I'm not going to have afit, youknow, when he brought the private number and I was justlike, no one in your class needs to be worried about it fornow.

Yeah. And I think parentsworry,well,okay, if I let my kid say a word in thebasement, I don't want my kid to be the one on thebus.

Right. ButI, I don't know aboutyou, my leachumcurious, I have found completely theopposite.

Now, let me beclear. It's not like we're throwing parties like the B word and the D word in my family and we're just like spraying itaround.

But whenI, I actually see if you think about thebasement, you're literally saying you have anurge, you want to say thesethings, you'recurious, your job as a kid is actually to becurious,right?

So let me help you contain thedischarge.

Like you want to say those cool go do it overhere.

Now, first ofall, it'scontained.

It's alsojust, it's something less rebellious aboutit.

You'relike,oh, my mom's going to let me say this word in thebasement.

Like I no longer think it's that cool to like spread around thebus.

And I actually found my kids really understand what they can talk to me about and learn about or kind of discharge in a certain way in ourhome.

And are less likely to then kind of spread that aroundcompletely,completely.

I think my sonknows, youknow, I think he wants to bring these things tome, figure out how he can work with them ornot.

But I toldhim, we don't use these things atschool.

We don't say these to otherkids.

It's okay if you know them and something else I shared in the community a few days after the wallpaperincident.

Hesays, you want to know why I like knowing badwords,mom?

And Imean, he just says this out of nowhere and I'm socurious.

Yeah, hegoes, I feel more confident knowing thesethings.

And I'm just thinking ofmyself.

Wow. Of course hedoes, youknow, I don't need to usethem.

But he's justlike, I feelconfident, just knowing he didn't want to be inthe, youknow, not in theknow.

Yeah. That'sit. I think so much of the stuff we see peer topeer.

I don'tknow, I guess my most generous interpretation is kids arecurious.

We want them to becurious.

The last thing we want to do is take away their desire to learn about things in theworld.

And the things that aren't explained tous, we usually do use our actions to try to learnmore.

So the kids who are saying it over and over on the bus or saying it for impactpower, they're trying to get people'sreactions.

I actually bet if those kids in theirhome, if their parents arelike,hey,yes, that is aword.

Okay. Andyes, like it can have power andimpact.

But here's thething. You can say that word in our house in thisway.

And I actually want to go over a whole other kind of group of ways that you can also have impact andpower.

And they're just going to lead tosafer, better decisions at your peers that don't end up leading into the principal'soffice.

Soright, because actually you're inquiring to the why you know now your son is in the stage oflife, like honestly a lot of five and six-year-olds especially around kindergarten are trying to figure out their place in theworld.

And how do I feelconfident?

And how do I feelpowerful?

And actually when you know the coreneed, you can then play around with other ways to get that need met with yourkid, where as when you say go to yourroom, it's soironic.

You never figure out what it'sabout.

So you can't figure out other ways to helpthem.

And you just make it more likely that they have to act it out to try to figure out whatever they were looking to kind of learn or play around in the firstplace, like totally backfires in allways.

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It's thatsimple. This is a tough onethough, because even when I share this withpeople, it'slike, ohno, he's writingthis.

He knows thesewords. What does that say aboutyou?

What do you think they're worriedabout?

Thefear. Imean, I think for a lot ofus, it's like your kid growingup.

I feel like there's something about cursewords, swear words that feel like the gateway to so many otherthings.

Youknow, it'slike...Yeah.

We've unturned thefear.

Myvinegar. That of a dropproject.

No, but I think we're laughing because to some degree we fastforward.

Youdo. It'slike,well, if he talks likethis, he's going to just besomewhere.

He's hanging out atbars.

I don'tknow. He'sfive.

I've shot so far into thefuture.

It'sscary. I don't know what it is about the Fword.

Youknow, it's justlike, I can handle some of theothers, but I feel like the F word in the Bword, he just hung there for solong.

I'm justlike, comeon. And then we have grandparentsvisiting.

We're trying tobe... You're goodinside, but also we're trying to prove that we're goodparents.

He's like a chill for these couple days becauselike...

Yeah, he said he did aword, but it was like more grandma's veryreligious.

And I think he said something and he waslike,sorry,grandma.

So heknew. He knew that there are people whocares.

But I think the big idea and what I felt so good about isthat, youknow, I think that grandma's launching into people who aren't smart say thesewords.

And you're not thatintelligent.

And he doesn't believe that to be true forhimself.

And so hejust... I love that he islike, these arewords.

And they arenot... They don't color who I am because I knowthem.

Or if someone usesthem, I am not not smart or whatever itis, youknow, wesay.

And so heknew,okay, we're working onthis, but please don't do this when the grandparents arehere.

And he was cool aboutit.

But you know what'sinteresting?

That's not acoincidence,right?

Because the way you approached it from the start was notshaming.

It was actually veryconnected.

And you were trying to figure out boundaries around ittoo, which youdid.

And we know when that's thecase, our kids are more likely to cooperate whenthey, ingeneral, feel connected tous.

So that's theirony. You don't want your kids to say these things in certainsituations.

And so we think so I'm going to come down superharshly.

I actually think that makes it more likely for it to come out in thosesituations.

Because numberone, they're just have that curiositydrive.

Numbertwo, theyfeel, youknow, really pushed away and kind ofshamed.

And when we feel likethat, we have no desire to cooperate with the person who's asking us to like throw them a bone and just make us work good when our parents aremissing.

Right?Right.Yeah. So Iwas, youknow, and dads in the carlike, doyou, his dad who I wasshocked, he got on board and waslike,okay, before they went to theairport, he'slike, say everything you need to say in the car rightnow.

Get itout. Do you know what I use that all thetime?

It's just drag mymemory.

So whenever we go to like anotherfamily, friends or to a restaurant orsomething,like,still, and my kids aresix, nine and12.

They're not even that littleanymore.

I waslike,oh, what's it going to be like if the pasta they serve us isn't like our pasta or what's it going to be like when they'relike,hey, do you eat this and you'relike, I don't eatthat.

Like, let's just get out all ofour, and my kids in the back will belike,ew, that'sdisgusting.

Andoh, do you have chicken nuggets instead and kind of get pasta with butter like all the stuff that is apparent inpublic.

Right?Right. But actually this like gettingout,right?

Yes.So, youknow, I think in the world ofcreativity, they say that there's like this faucet metaphor that you actually have to write over and over to get out your bad ideas or create and get out your badideas.

The best ones arebehind.

And a lot of peoplestop,right?

But actually the process of like creating leads to the bestideas.

Like, you just got to like clear thefaucet.

But I think that's what we're sayinghere.

Like, actually inviting kids inlike, get itout.

Like, what if all of the good cooperative behavior is behind all the beavers and the F words and the whining and you'relike, if you invite it infirst.

I actually think that's it's like the samething.

Yeah. Idon't. This whole sort of like bad wordmoment, I do feel more connected with myson, youknow, I think because he knows that he's been around other kids and he knows he sees the other reactions and the teachers and youknow, all ofthis.

And to know that even sometimes because he'll call me aparent, youknow, even the way that he feels about me andthat, youknow, he can trustme.

I feel like I'mcool. We're together inthis.

And so I feel like some of thebehavior, youknow, has gotten a littlebit, youknow, some of it is just the becoming a person andkinder.

But this whole sort of like bad word moment was like thetest.

And I don'tknow. I feel good about how I handledit.

And I eventhink,dad, who was justlike, comeon.

I think he's we're sort of on the other side of it where every blue moon he'll saylike, Amazon was supposed to send something and it waslike, it'll be there by tomorrow and thentomorrow, thentomorrow.

And hesaid, I just need togo, I just need to go say aword.

But that like what I really want parents to know is our ability at any age tosay, I want to go somewhere and say a certain word or likehonestly, if you think about all these adultmoments, like I'm noticing I have the urge to say something really mean to myfriend.

I'm noticing I have the urgeto, I don'tknow, sabotage this personnetwork.

As soon as you notice yoururge, that urge won't convert into destructiveaction.

The destructiveaction, like sabotaging a colleague atwork, that's notgreat.

Saying something nasty in a grouptext, just because I feel off down themoment, notgreat.

But having the urge to do that ishuman.

Having the urge to sabotageyour, youknow,colleague, who knows what'shappening, but I'm guessing it's understandable to somedegree.

And when you can separate thosetwo, the best it ever gets is notquote, not having theurge.

The best it gets is having an urge and seeing it and being able to pause and what you're modeling and what you're building as a skill and a muscle so early is that exactability.

And so no wonder you felt like a rock star because his ability tosay,oh, this Amazon package isn't coming onesecond.

I got to say some of thosewords.

Imean, I don't know what a kid can learn academically in school that sets them up for life success as much as that specificskill.

He has itup. Imean, that'samazing.

Imean, thankyou. Crushedit.

Let's,yeah.No, I think aboutyou.

I think about you in these moments oflike,okay, here comes the badword.

And it's justlike, I don't need to beafraid.

And this is not how my parenting is beingmeasured.

You know what Imean? It's justlike, what are the skills that Ihave?

Youknow, and it's like connection relationshipfirst.

Okay. And let'sjust, I don'tknow.

It's making room for thesemoments, knowing that they willpass.

But I say this as a parent who also did feellike, oh mygod, what kind of drugs will you be doing if you know the effort and be word atfive?

Youknow,it's, I'm rightthere.

Yes. I also think just one last thing I want to touch on because I know this word resonated with both of us around how you handled this was not only is this moment not a barometer of myparenting, but kind of thetrust, the trust you had in yourparenting, the trust you had in having a little bit oftime,right?

In these moments with our kids when our kid says brings us a curseword, or you think about this moment where like you're leaving your friend's house and your friend had like the two of you over for awhile.

I don't know and your your kid doesn't say thankyou.

I don't knowyou, but forme, definitely like in thatmoment, it feels like everything is like avortex.

LikeI, mykid, like my kid has to say thank you right now and I feel mortified and like I have blinders on or my kid isabout, has this curse word and they're only five and and I'm just thinking about the widening of the lens and the feeling your feet on the ground that happens with this idea of either like I trust my parenting or I think I once said to you like I do like I trust my parenting more than this one moment or I have time and how did that play into ittoo?

Yes, I think that's something a skill that I've built over time is that I mean this this whole curse word thing has been the whole kindergartenyear, youknow, it wasn't just aday, but just knowing that I have some time to figure this out and like I don't need to once the wordlanded, I didn't immediately go to like oh you can say it in the basement or thebathroom, youknow, I didn't that wasn't my first thought it was just likeokay, I just give me what next and so all right this is where we are and then but I just I didn't panic and I trust it like you said to give it a little bit of time and then once I just said all right let's designate places for the word and then I don't know I just I feel good aboutit, you know and even if we've had other parent friends who are like like you're doing that and it's like I'm doing that I'm doing it you're doing that and I think you know it's the opposite of that fast forward error like just I know it it sounds humorous but just to say to ourselves like like it's not using trucks right now it's not happening now and it's not 2000 and right right it's I actually use this in myself all the time it's like a real internal family systems idea that like we do have to ground our body back in today like our body does fast forward or our body isn't the past in our own childhood either way it's like wait it's 2024 I have a five year old um he's a good kid I know that he's playing around with curse words and it's probably one of many times he's going to bring me something that doesn't quite feel appropriate and I I trust my parenting I I trust that I have some time this is not an emergency your body in that tunnel vision moment is going to try to trick you into thinking it's an emergency probably because it fast forwarded and now instead of responding to your five year old you're responding to your 35 year old you have to like bring to you know rehab you know again right right or your your your your your mind rewinds and you're back at a moment when you were a kid and that would have been something super dangerous with your parents and so your body is feeling those feelings but just say this is not an emergency and I do find that those words like I trust my parenting and for any parent you're don't trust my parenting that's something we can help you with you know like that's okay so now we actually recognize the issue probably isn't your kids language it's probably that you don't actually feel a quid right manage the situation but at least we have clarity there and you've time time we have time that doesn't mean permissiveness that doesn't mean turning a blind eye but even if my kid doesn't say thank you in this moment like okay so what would I have to teach them what would I have to practice to have manners what can I simulate how can I play around with that and I don't have to prove it like in this exact one hole that was before I know my son at the end of a soccer game recently he felt like they were playing too rough and so at the end when they do the team good game he refused to give anybody he refused to shake hands and the coach of the other team like reached for his hand and he like moved his whole body and dad's just like oh my gosh it's embarrassing as a parent it's like there's he's not sportsmanship I'm like that it's okay they'll be more games this is his first time not doing it so for me I'm like what was it about that that made you not want to shake hands and let's talk about that he's like they were playing dirty and I'm like okay so like you said now this is something that we can work on I now know this now before the soccer game we can talk about what we might do if we feel they're playing dirtier woodwee shake hands what can we do so that you still trust yourself too you know and what you feel and just to name it because I I could picture it what's the urge in that moment you want to go over to your kid oh just it's just I want to make him do it I mean it's like all the parents are watching and it's like come on this is not even a real game like you're five you know like I mean your son is really a soccer I've seen him so he is I know I know but if I'm just you know it's just like come on you can do this and it's just like I think all of a sudden you know what I see Becky is like these like thought bubbles going up over every parent's head about how horrible I am and I'm like what am I wearing like do I look like the a parent whose kid would shake hands today I'm looking at your shirt you can't do like that you know I just like you saying oh my gosh like my league pop the thought bubbles because you know I started making up stories of what they think about me and now I'm trying to smile and over compensate I've got extra snacks guys I am can I tell you about a story when that kid is amazing sportsmanship last week let me just tell you that story yes so I mean and I just articulated for me like what I have because I want everyone to know this it goes back to urges and the difference between an urge and an action like my urge in that situation with my son okay would be to pull him to the side and I'd get this super intense but very low volume voice okay and I see what is what is wrong with you do you see everyone shook hands but you you're being so nasty just because the game didn't go the way you wanted okay I can say it because I hear that voice it's the first voice if anyone thinks the first voice in my or your head is all good I trust my parenting like no no this is not the first voice that is a practice yes second third fifth distant at first voice that though you can pause and start to hear if you don't immediately act on that urge and the irony for I mean first of all I was going to feel awful to me I'm going to know like that didn't feel good it's gonna awful for my son but by the way it is not going to get him to shake hand all he's going to do is freeze and the next week he is going to be less likely because first of all I never figured out why so I can never get to the core of the reason we can't fix a problem we don't understand right and now he's going to go into the game with this idea next week of I'm a bad kid I'm this nasty kid well now I've just built up the very identity I wanted to help him work away from like how counterproductive right and so I don't know if I've said this to you but like I think the most underutilized parenting strategy in tough moments is what I call in a sophisticated way doing nothing is just that's it I call it's like active restraint I'm yes I'm actively choosing no like because parents say all the time so are you just going to do nothing no I'm not just going to do nothing I am choosing the strategy of doing things very different because I have a long-term goal in mind and that's what like really sturdy leaders do in companies anywhere is there like this is not the right time for an intervention doesn't mean I'm not going to intervene and again I trust my parenting I trust I have a little bit of time no one's open heart surgery right now no one's dying on the table I can figure it out and I asked about the the not shaking hands like a week later I gave it data's there I mean it's like all right what was that about and then when he told me I'm like I said to him that makes sense if you felt like people were kicking you I mean who would then want to shake hands after and he's this is for a time so we're learning and like you said doing nothing I it's it's not urgent we don't need to solve it all today just filing it away I have time yes I love that so much any any last words of wisdom any curfews want to get out you're gonna do it in your basement I think you know I met you in my son was three years old and I told you I had tried everything and having these skills or tools and I think one of the things you told me it's just like if you feel like you can't do anything stay calm and that was what I leaned on when the curse words came in you know in these moments of just like stay calm and then I have time and so leaning on the community talking with other parents spending some time brainstorming ideas that feel good to me where I'm like you know the basement feels fine to me that from feels fine to me I don't know and then it's just like I feel like if I hear if I can ride away where my five year old hands me the effort and the viewer it's like what can I do next you know so I'm grateful grateful to have met you be in the community and I wish this for more parents because this can feel so much heavier and so much harder than it has to be in time I completely agree well I love being on this journey with you of elevating parents and like parents you know when I think about all the work that's done in the world and all these different domains and how underserved parents have been even though even with the mental health crisis among kids no one saying maybe we should finally like say parenting matters parents deserve resources well you and I are sounding that alarm and bringing a lot of people along with us and are gonna change the world so let's keep going thank you today's episode is in partnership with Airbnb and Happy Egg thank you for listening to share a story or ask me a question go to goodinside.com slash podcast or you could write me at podcast at goodinside.com parenting is the hardest and most important job in the world and you deserve resources and support so you feel empowered and confident for this very important job you hold I'm so excited to share good inside membership it's the first platform that brings together content and experts you trust with a global community of like valued parents it's game changing and built for a busy parent who wants to make the most out of the few minutes they have good inside withDr.