And now, it's time for Who Smarted?
Psst, hey, smarty pants.
I'm so glad you can join me on such a beautiful day.
I decided to visit my local botanical gardens, and I am seriously enjoying all the nature around me.
Between all the different flowers and trees and cool plants, I mean, this place has everything.
There's rosebushes, sunflowers, hydrangeas, and, um...
Uh, is that stringy little weed growing between the cracks in the pavement?
How'd that get here?
Ah, clever little weeds find all sorts of ways of making their presence known.
Uh, they do? Indubitably.
I would know. I'm Bartholomew Butchwood, professor of plants, pants, and philosophy at a highly reputable online university.
I see. And did you say you teach plants, pants, and philosophy?
Why, yes. It's the three big P's.
Plants being my favorite, of course.
OK. Is that why you're conveniently hanging out here in the botanical gardens?
Convenient indeed. And I couldn't help overhear you sneering at that little weed as if it weren't as beautiful as all the other flowers and plants on display.
Uh, that's because weeds aren't beautiful.
They're, well, they're weeds.
Ah, but a weed is a plant like any other.
Is it, though? I mean, if weeds were so great, how come people are always trying to get rid of them?
And how is it they show up, well, everywhere?
And what makes a weed a weed and a flower a flower?
Fine questions indeed.
Fine and dandy, like the dandiest of dandelions, which we'll most certainly get to as well.
Why don't you take a seat beside me on this bench and we'll philosophize about plants.
And if there's time, pants.
Only if they're smarty pants.
And speaking of, get ready, smarty pants, because it's time for another big whiff of Science and History on...
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All right, Professor Bartholomew Birchwood, first things first, I need to know.
Just what makes a weed a weed?
Circumstance and perception, young fellow.
Nothing less, nothing more.
Circumstance and perception, I don't quite follow.
I wasn't kidding earlier when I said a weed is a plant like any other.
You see, the definition of a weed is simply thus.
A weed is a plant in an area where it is not wanted.
If it were wanted, it would not be a weed.
That's it. Case closed.
Good day, sir. Wait, seriously?
That's it? But weeds are uglier than flowers, aren't they?
Are they? Have you ever picked a weed and looked at it by itself, away from the other flowers in the garden, or maybe even made a bouquet of weeds?
They have stems and leaves like other plants, and most of them produce flowers, too, just like the more desirable plants in a garden.
I gotta say, Professor Birchwood, this is kind of mind -blowing!
But if weeds are like any other plant, then why do they have such a bad reputation?
The answer to that, dear sir, is found in their very definition.
It's just because they show up where they're not wanted.
You see, for a gardener, a weed might just be a nuisance Aw, man, not another weed But for a farmer, a weed can be much more troublesome Depending on the type of weed it is, it can affect crop growth by getting all mixed up in the same area the crops are growing A weed can also grow too tall and spread very rapidly, stealing all the sunlight from nearby smaller plants I see.
What else? Some weeds are poisonous.
But even that is only an issue depending on where they are.
For example, if some poison oak is growing on a hill in the middle of nowhere, it's essentially harmless.
But if that same poison oak is growing at a campsite where it can give people a nasty red rash, then suddenly it's a dangerous, unwelcome weed.
Wow, who knew there was so much philosophy around what makes a weed a weed?
I did, but I'm not alone.
People have been squabbling over weed since they invented a word for them.
Oh, by the way, the word weed comes from the word woad, which is itself a type of plant.
It comes from the mustard family and has a long history of being used to make dyes.
Hey, smarty pants, the flower of the woad plant is yellow, but the dye that it produces is a different color.
What color do you think that is?
Is it blue, green, or red?
If you said blue, you're right.
It may interest you to know that woad, along with indigo, are the two main plants that produce blue dyes.
Cool, cool. But let's get back in the weeds.
You said people have had issues with weeds throughout history.
I'm guessing they've always been a nuisance.
Well, yes, but the reasons were always the same.
A weed was only a weed if it was not wanted.
But long ago, many plants we consider weeds today had medicinal uses or were edible.
So if a plant had a purpose, it was not considered a weed.
Instead, they were a food or a cure.
Hmm. Is there an example of a weed like that that the smarty pants would be familiar with?
Why, certainly. In fact, it's one of the most common and dandiest weeds of all.
Hmm. Any guesses what it could be, smarty pants?
We mentioned it earlier, and the professor just gave a bit of a hint.
Did you say the dandelion?
If you did, good job.
Dandelions are definitely a crowd pleaser and definitely a weed.
But hold on. I didn't know you could eat a dandelion.
Sure. They're actually quite delicious.
In fact, every part of the dandelion is edible.
Whoa. However, most people just eat the greens.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
They're usually cooked or boiled to remove some of their natural bitterness.
Yuck. Are dandelions good for you?
They sure are. Dandelions are an excellent source of vitamins A, B, C, D, and K, as well as iron and calcium.
Long ago, people used dandelions to help with digestion issues and to deliver disease.
And in the 16th century, it was even believed dandelions cured baldness.
Interesting. Was it true?
No, there's no permanent cure for baldness.
Oh well. Sorry, Uncle Steve.
Anyway, you were saying the dandelion is a weed that was praised for its health benefits.
Why, yes. So much so, the dandelion was actually brought to North America from Europe on purpose.
Smarty pants, true or false.
Dandelions were likely brought to North America aboard the Mayflower in 1620.
If you said true, you're right!
How about that? The Mayflower was transporting weeds.
It should have been called the Mayweeder.
Shall we philosophize on why that's not very funny?
Nope. Moving on. Where were we?
I was explaining how the dandelion is a perfect example of the ambiguity or uncertainty of what makes a weed a weed.
When it had its medicinal uses in the 17th century, people praised it.
But when it appears in the middle of a beautifully manicured lawn in the 21st century, well, then it's a weed.
Gotcha. Here's a question, Professor Birchwood.
Why is a dandelion called a dandelion anyway?
Is it because lions like to eat it?
Uh, no. But it does have something to do with lions.
The word dandelion comes from the French dandelion, which means lion's teeth.
That's because the leaves of the dandelion plant have a tooth -like pattern.
Take a look next time you see one.
In fact, the dandelion is so common, it's had many different names throughout its existence.
Ooh, that gives me an idea for a game we can play, Smarty Pants!
I'll give you three other names for the dandelion plant.
All you have to do is tell me which one of the three is fake.
Ah, the old two truths and a lie.
Exactly. Okay, Smarties, which of these is not another name for a dandelion?
Okay, do you have your answer?
The one that's fake is, Professor?
That would be Irish Lip.
Both Milkwich and Peabed are both names that have been used for the dandelion at one time or another.
How funny and weird is that?
Okay, another thing I'd love to know is, how do dandelions, and all weeds, really get to be so all over the place?
I mean, weeds seem to be able to grow pretty much anywhere.
On the sidewalk, in a parking lot, next to the highway, sticking out of the side of a building.
How? How do they do it?
Great question. Question, the answer is...
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Hi, smarty pants. It's the trusty narrator, the host of Who Smarted?
First, a big welcome to all our new listeners.
Welcome to the Smarty Family.
Here's a nice five -star review from one of you.
Hi, trustee. This is my new favorite podcast. I listen in the car with my sister and even before bed.
I'm telling all my friends, too.
Sean P. Ohio. Thanks, Sean.
And that's a great idea.
So, Smarty Fam, would you mind doing me a favor?
Tell one friend or another parent or an educator today about who's smarted?
Because the only thing that's better than listening to Who Smarted is listening to Who Smarted with a friend.
Now back to Who Smarted.
Okay, smarty pants, we're talking weeds.
And other than my uncle Steve's bald head, weeds seem to be able to grow practically anywhere.
So how do they do it?
Professor? It's a simple fact of nature, really.
Weeds have been around for so long, they tend to grow easily and can survive in human environments.
But the other reason you see them so much is because the seeds of weeds can be spread in many different ways.
Oh, really? Like how?
Well, sometimes when grains are harvested, the seeds of other plants become accidentally transported with the crops.
Very often, seeds are spread by wind.
They can also be spread by insects, birds, or even stuck in some mud at the bottom of your shoe.
that you end up moving somewhere else.
Oh, so it's my fault weeds end up all over the place.
I mean, I do tend to walk a lot in muddy shoes.
Oh, it's not all your fault, trusty.
Besides, there are benefits to weeds.
You don't say. Sure.
Weeds like clover and dandelion can improve soil quality, and some weeds provide food for insects.
Sometimes when people finally stop to admire the beauty of a weed, it's no longer a weed, but a flower.
What do you mean? Well, the corn cockle plant is a perfect example.
It used to be considered a weed, but it became so popular that it's now considered a flower, and people actually want it in their garden.
And I don't blame them.
The corn cockle produces a very pretty pinkish -purple flower.
Wow. Wow. When it comes to weeds, I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
That's what I've been saying all along.
Oh, but make no mistake.
The corn cockle is quite poisonous if ingested.
So look, but don't eat.
I'll be sure to remember that.
And you too, smarty pants.
No eating any weeds, even dandelions.
Anyway, back to my questions.
There's something else I really want to know that's kind of crazy.
Is it why do they package bacon in such a ridiculous way that you're forced to remove all of it just to get a few slices out and then your hands get all greasy and when you put the rest of the bacon back, the whole package is greasy and it doesn't reseal properly?
Uh, no, that wasn't my question.
Good, because I don't have an answer for that.
What I wanted to know is, how do weed killers work?
Like, how do they know to kill the weed but not harm the grass or flowers next to it?
Ah, that's an excellent question with a fascinating answer.
Let me guess. Is there some kind of weed -killing magic?
More like weed -killing science.
But it really depends on the type of weed killer you use.
Some weed killers will definitely kill any old plant they come in contact with, so be sure you're buying the right one.
The ones that know what to kill are formulated to work on dicot plants only.
Di what now, plants?
Dicot. Many plants can fit into one of two categories, dicot plants and monocot plants.
A dicot plant has broad leaves or petals.
A dandelion, for example, is a dicot.
But grass, on the other hand, is a monocot.
Ah, I see. So if the weed -killer only works on dicots, it'll kill the dandelion in the middle of a lawn but leave the grass around it unharmed.
Bingo! That's so cool But how does it work?
Well, monocots and dicots metabolize in different ways And the selective weed killer is formulated to stimulate growth in the weed but not the grass It basically makes the weed grow too much until it can no longer cope So it dies Because the surrounding grass, a monocot, doesn't metabolize the same way that's so cool well Bartholomew Birchwood professor of plants, pants, and philosophy you are definitely one of the most interesting guys I've ever met likewise trusty narrator I'm glad I was able to open your mind about weeds you really did I'll never look at them the same way again and I hope that goes
for you too Smarty Pants next time you see a random plant growing in the cracks of a sidewalk or out of the side of a brick wall be sure to stop and smell the weeds caroling.
A long -distance shout -out to Smarty Fan Aaron in Nottingham, England, who wrote, and I quote, Dear Trusty Narrator, me and my mummy listen to you all the time and we love your show.
Thanks for making learning fun and super funny.
Ah, a big thanks to you and your mummy for being such an amazing Smarty family.
This episode, Weeds, was written by Phil Geranium Jermey and And voiced by Taya, Get Out of My Garden, Garland, Adam, Dandelion Davis, and Jerry Kolber.
Technical direction and sound design by Josh Hydrangea Han.
Our associate producer is Max Carnation Kamaski.
The theme song is by Brian Sunflower Suarez, with lyrics written and performed by Adam Tex Davis.
Who Smarted? was created and produced by Adam Tex Davis and Jerry Kolber.
This has been an Atomic Entertainment production.
Thank you.
