And now, it's time for Who Smarted?
Good evening Smarty Pants and welcome to the first annual Smarty Awards presented by the Academy of Farts and Sciences.
As always, I am the trusty narrator, and I'll be your host for today's ceremony.
We've got a great show in store for you as we acknowledge and honor... What?
What do you think the Smarty Awards, a.k.a. the Smarties, acknowledge and honor, Smarty Pants?
Is it your intelligence or smartness?
The beloved characters and creators of your favorite podcast, Who Smarted?
Who wants meat cake?
Or is it the fruity flavors of the classic candy, Smarties?
If you said intelligence...
Sorry, that's incorrect.
Perhaps you were thinking of the Nobel Prize, which awards achievements in physics chemistry physiology medicine, literature and even peace.
If you said fruit flavors of the classic candy, Smarties, I'm afraid that's also incorrect.
But if you said the characters and creators of your favorite podcast, Who Smarted?
That's right.
Which brings us to our first award.
Here are the nominees for Reporter of the Year.
Chet Nickerson.
Chet Nickerson.
And... Chet Nickerson?
Ooh, I sure hope I win.
And the Smarty goes to... Ooh, in an upset, it's Chet Nickerson.
This is Chet Nickerson reporting live from the Smarties, where I have just won the coveted Reporter of the Year Award.
I first want to thank the Academy of Farts and Sciences.
And, of course, where would I be without my friend, the trusty narrator?
I'd also like to thank my breaking news team Sports Weather Traffic, Stock Reports Arts Lifestyle, oh and the staff at Chet's Bagels home of the Pumper Nickerson Bagel.
All right, Chet, that music means it's time to clear the stage.
We have more awards to get to.
Breaking news!
Chet Nickerson is being ushered off the stage!
Smarty Pants, have you ever wondered what the first awards show was?
Or how many awards shows there are?
And why do we give out awards in the first place?
And of course, which show would get the award for most important award show?
Get ready to award yourself with another whiff of science and history on...
Who's smarted?
Who's smarted?
Who's smart?
Is it you?
Is it me?
Is it science?
Or history?
Listen up, everyone.
We make smarting lots of fun.
Who's smarted?
Commercial, we're back in two minutes.
Congrats, Chet.
Breaking news.
Chet Nickerson is still in shock and disbelief from winning the Smartie for Reporter of the Year.
This is by far one of the happiest days of his life.
Believe it, kid.
Here, take a tissue.
Thanks!
Thanks!
As for you, trustee, you need to get this awards show back on schedule.
We're two minutes behind thanks to Mr. Late Breaking News here.
Ah, you must be the producer.
I'm not just the producer.
I'm the eternal producer.
I've been producing awards shows since the great Dionysia.
The Great Dionysia?
Who or what is that?
Are you serious?
Why, it's only arguably the first award show ever.
The Great Dionysia was an annual festival held in Athens, Greece, in honor of the god Dionysus.
In 534 BCE, a competition was added for best tragedy, which the writer-actor Thespis won.
Wow, an ancient Greek hyphenate.
Was he expected to win?
Let me put it this way.
You didn't need the Oracle of Delphi to predict the outcome.
Thespis is credited with inventing tragedy.
Some say he even invented acting by using masks to portray different characters on stage.
He was a clear favorite.
True or false, smarty pants?
A fancy word for actor derives from the name of Thespis.
If you said true, you're right.
Actors are often referred to as thespians.
And the word tragedy derives from the Greek tragos, meaning goat.
Specifically, a male or billy goat.
Either you got a goat for winning the drama competition or they sacrificed a goat at the festival.
It's so long ago, I can't remember.
You've really been producing award shows a long time.
Ever since the late 6th century BCE, toots.
How old does that make you?
Old enough not to ask me.
Point taken.
So wait, if the Great Dionysia was the first ancient award show, what was the first modern award show?
Smarty Pants, care to take a guess?
Here's a hint.
And the Oscar goes to... The answer is...
The Academy Awards.
The first Academy Awards ceremony, which later became known as the Oscars, was held in 1929.
I can still taste the filet of soul served in the blossom room of the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel.
You attended the first Oscars?
Attended?
Dollface, I produced it.
Smarty Pants, how long do you think the first Oscars ceremony was?
Was it A.
15 minutes, B.
45 minutes, C.
2 hours, or D.
6 hours?
Considering how long an Oscars ceremony is today, you might be surprised to learn the first Academy Awards lasted just 15 minutes.
Yippers!
The first Oscars wasn't even a show! of a dinner party, really.
All the winners were announced three months in advance.
Only one winner gave an acceptance speech and pretty much all the movies were silent.
Back in three seconds.
All right, trusty.
Back on stage.
Quick.
Okay, Smarty Pants, it's now time to honor some of the culinary excellence.
You've heard on Who Smarted.
The nominees for Smarty Chef of the Year are...
Dude Foodie from the mold episode.
What's up, food fans?
I'm Dude Foodie, and I'm here to feast like a beast.
Grog the caveman from the cooking episode.
Ooh, fire hot.
Cook meat.
And the meatcake lady from way too many episodes.
Who wants meatcake?
And the winner is... Who wants meatcake?
Oh, I can't believe I won.
Oh, thank you, trustee.
And thank you, Academy.
And thank you, Smarty Pants.
Wow, I wasn't expecting this at all.
First I'd like to thank my agent and my manager and my agent's manager and, of course, meat and cake and onions and hard-boiled eggs and ketchup and Okay thanks, Meatcake Lady.
Keep on cooking with gas.
Okay, stick around because we have more show coming your way.
And that's a commercial break.
This hosting gig isn't easy.
Miss Producer, may I ask, how many award shows have you produced?
All of them.
All of them?
How many award shows are there?
It depends how you look at it.
Uh, well, how would you look at it?
EGOT.
EGOT?
EGOT?
EGOT?
Smartypants, do you know what an EGOT is?
Is it A, a type of bird, B, an acronym, or C, the sound you make after eating too much meatcake?
If you said an acronym, you're right.
But first, what's an acronym?
Oh.
An acronym is an abbreviation made up of the initials of other words and pronounced as a single word.
In this case, EGOT is an acronym that stands for the four major award shows.
Do you know what they are, smarty pants?
To help you, look at the four letters that make up the word EGOT.
There's an E, a G, an O, and a T. Call them out if you know them.
And in case you're not sure?
EGOT stands for the Emmys, which awards achievement in television, the Grammys, which celebrates music, the Oscars, which judges film, and the Tonys, which honors theater.
They're known as the four major award shows.
Cool.
Question.
True or false, smarty pants?
Nobody has ever won all four awards.
The answer is false.
Winning all four awards, a.k.a. an EGOT, is considered a great achievement.
Only 21 people have done it in competitive categories, with one person, Robert Lopez, winning all four awards at least twice.
He's won two Oscars, three Tonys, three Grammys, and four Emmys.
Wow, I guess you could say he's won all the awards there are to win.
Nah, not even close.
There are a lot more awards than just Emmys, Grammys, Oscars, and Tonys.
There's the Golden Globes, there's Green Actors Guild, the Critics' Choice, the People's Choice, the Kids' Choice BAFTA, the Country Music Awards, the ESPYs, the Heisman Trophy, the Razzies.
Razzies?
Razzies?
Razzies?
Yeah, you don't want to win that.
That's for the worst movies and the worst acting performances.
Nope, definitely don't want a Razzie.
I will say that is a lot of awards to give out.
Oh, yeah.
You could easily have a different award show every day of the year.
Whoa.
Whoa is right.
If you think that's whoa, get a lot of this.
A recent study noted that a list tracking all cultural prizes and awards was over 2000 pages long and that new awards were being added at a rate of one every six hours.
Hold on, smarty pants.
If one award is being added every six hours, how many new awards are created each day?
If you said four, And with four new awards being added each day, how many does that make in a year?
Hang on.
This isn't Mysteries About True Histories.
Please don't make me do more math on the spot.
Fine.
Four awards times 365 days equals 1,460 awards.
That's crazy.
Why?
Why do there need to be so many awards?
Beats me, but it sure keeps me employed.
What do you think, smarty pants?
Why do people feel the need to give out so many awards?
The answer, or at least a theory, right after this quick break and a word from our sponsors.
We'll see you next time.
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Now back to Who's Smarted.
And the award for best guest appearance, my old friend, dino hunter and lunch thief, Robert Maroon.
Fortunately, Robert couldn't be here tonight as he's on a fossil hunt in Tanzania.
Commercial break.
Okay, smarty pants.
Before the break, we were trying to figure out why the need for so many awards and so many award shows.
If I was to theorize why people give out awards, I'd say it's to define standards of excellence in whatever industry or field you're awarding.
For example, one of the main reasons why the Oscars were created was to improve and advance the film industry by establishing a standard of quality.
I thought they just liked giving out gold statuettes.
That too, but the way I see it, giving out awards helps establish an authority on a certain subject.
What do you mean?
Well, for instance, imagine you aspired to be an authority on farts in your school.
Gross, but okay.
You could create awards for loudest fart, softest fart, longest fart, shortest fart, smelliest fart.
I got the picture.
Also, do they need a producer?
No, no, that's not a real awards show.
And hopefully it never is.
Gotcha.
But I see your point.
Awards can symbolize authority on a subject and create a lasting legacy.
Exactly.
Smarty pants, remember the Nobel Prizes I mentioned in my introduction?
Well, they're named after Alfred Nobel, who invented... What was it?
A. Noble gases.
B. The bowling pin, but not the bowling ball.
Or C. Dynamite.
If you said dynamite...
You're correct.
Wait a second, I've heard of this.
Wasn't it said that Alfred Nobel didn't want his legacy to be defined by inventing dynamite?
So he donated part of his endowment to create the Nobel Prizes, which honor achievements that benefit humankind.
Exactly.
And the Nobel Prize, which includes the Nobel Peace Prize, became his legacy.
When you look at it that way, it's perfectly reasonable to give out so many awards.
There's just one other thing I'm wondering.
Yeah, what's that?
Has an award show ever won an award?
Why, yes.
The Oscars telecast has actually won an Emmy.
Wow, that's so funny.
With all these awards and award shows, I'm surprised there isn't an award for best award show.
Hmm.
That's not a bad idea.
Call me if you need a producer.
Back in three seconds.
Quick, trusty, on stage.
Shoot, go!
Now, for our final award of the night, best original Who Smarted episode.
The nominees are Minecraft, Socks, Pickling, Unicorns, and Award Shows.
And the winner is...
I should have known.
Award shows.
And the award for most shameless newscaster goes to...
Triple award winning shout out to Jackson, Charles, and Lucas in Dryden, Ontario, Canada.
We hear you love listening to Who Smarted in the car and while getting ready for school.
And that you find the fun trivia interesting.
Well, we find it awesome that you love smarting with us.
Keep up the great work, Smarty Pants.
This episode Award Shows was written by Dan Golden Globes Gold and voiced by Charlotte.
Where's My Tony Cone?
And Emmy-nominated Adam Davis and Jerry Colbert.
Technical direction and sound design by Josh, with love of Grammy, Han.
Our associate producer is Max, Critics' Choice, Kamaski.
The theme song is by Brian Independent Spirit Suarez, with lyrics written and performed by Adam Tex-Davis.
Who Smarted was created and produced by Adam Tex-Davis and Jerry Coleman.
This has been an Atomic Audio production.
