The following podcast is a dear media production.
Hello, welcome to welcome back to transit care if you're new here.
My name is Ashley. I'm so happy to have you.
We are down to our last two episodes of the year, which is insane.
And I kind of went back and forth on what I wanted to end the year with.
I originally was going to do like planning for 2025 or something about vision boards, but I already did that last year.
And I was like, if people really want that, they can go back to the episode.
And also when I was thinking about that, I was just feeling really uninspired.
I feel like sometimes as creators, we get kind of stuck feeling like we have to perform and do what we think people want us to do.
And sometimes I feel like I have to educate and give you the best advice and give you all of these tips.
But like my podcast was built on just me talking openly about what I was going through, what I was thinking, just my life.
And it's not like anyone's asking for me to educate you.
I'm just saying like sometimes I feel that way.
And I am more drawn to just talking about my life and what's going on in my head and what I'm struggling with.
And luckily through that process, I can give you advice and give you my take on things.
But when I was planning for these episodes, I was like, okay, what can I do to like educate my audience and give them the best tips for 2025?
And I kind of went into teacher mode and that just isn't fun for me.
Like I don't want to be a teacher.
Like I didn't sign up for that and no one's asking for that.
That's just like me being in my head thinking that it has to be perfect and this like huge think piece and it doesn't have to be that way.
So I was like, okay, scratch that.
What do we actually want to do?
What can I do that's authentic that I actually want to talk about?
And people can also take something away from it.
And I thought like let's just talk about what I learned this year.
Because I can still talk openly about what I went through and what I learned.
Well, also you learning something from that as well.
So yeah, we're just going to talk about what I learned this year.
Obviously I learned a lot of things, but these are just a few things that really stood out to me.
And I feel like are important to bring to your attention too.
So with that being said, let's get into today's episode.
So the first thing that I'm going to talk about that I learned in 2024 is every emotion has a hidden meaning.
2024 was a really hard year for me.
Probably one of the shittiest years I've had in a while.
And I know I haven't really spoken openly about that on this podcast.
You hearing that might be like, babe, like what happened?
Like we, like you never talked about this.
And it's just, I just was really emotional and I struggled a lot.
My emotions were all over the place.
And the thing is, me in previous years would have just like brushed past it and not looked at my emotions or like questioned why I was feeling the way that I did.
I would just like write it off as this pissed me off.
This upset me. I'm depressed.
I'm having a hard time and not really looked into why I'm feeling that way.
I'm learning to be a lot more honest with myself, even when the honesty hurts me and bruises my ego.
You know, it's not easy to look at yourself and say like, hey, I'm struggling because of this.
I'm not doing well because of this and I'm not doing as good as I could be doing or like this isn't working because of my behavior.
Past me might have seen a pretty picture of like my ex's girlfriend and talk shit and wrote it off as like, I just don't like her.
But there's always more to it.
Do I not like her just because or do I not like her because I'm jealous?
Every emotion I'm feeling has a meaning to it.
I'm not just feeling angry or feeling upset for shits and giggles.
There's a reason I feel that way and I might not be super receptive to it when I'm feeling it.
But even if I look into it and realize after the fact, I feel like it's a good way for me to learn how to cope and handle things better in the future.
Like let's say that I'm feeling angry.
I'm not just feeling angry for no reason.
I'm feeling that way because I am frustrated about my current situation and that means that things need to change and I need to do something to change my situation.
So instead of just being angry and feeling like I have no control, I can take that and be like, okay, what can I do?
So in the future, I don't feel this way.
When I'm feeling anxious, that usually means that my needs aren't being met or I feel out of control and I'm not doing something that I feel like I should be doing.
When I'm feeling jealous, that usually means someone has something that I want.
When I'm feeling sad, that typically means that I really care.
Whatever it is that I'm upset about really matters to me.
When I feel ashamed or I feel embarrassed, that usually means that I just care way too much about what others think of me and I'm allowing them to define what I should be doing or like who I should be.
An example of that might be like, if I get embarrassed that a video of mine didn't perform well, instead of deleting that video and be like, oh, this is embarrassing.
Everyone's going to make fun of me.
I hate this video. Fuck this video.
Instead of doing that, I can look at that and be like, okay, I'm feeling embarrassed for a reason.
Am I really embarrassed that this video only got 20 likes or am I feeling this way because I feel like I'm not meeting people's expectations of me?
I'm supposed to be doing better for these people.
I'm supposed to look more successful.
And once I come to that conclusion of that's why I feel embarrassed, I can be like, okay, this needs to change.
I need to stop thinking so much about what other people think of me and worry more about what matters to me and how I view myself.
It's much easier to change your behavior when you can recognize the root cause of it or why you're acting that way or why you're feeling that way.
Moving on to the next thing that I learned.
The people who say you can't or you won't do something are usually the ones are afraid that you will.
When I got into TikTok, we're talking 2019, the Renegade is taking over, the sparkly filter is all over your for you page.
I wanted to post on this app so badly.
I wanted to blow up on this app.
I feel like this was my opportunity to grow on social media because I had always tried on Instagram and YouTube.
But Instagram wasn't working for me.
And with YouTube, like I would post and delete and it just, it wasn't working out.
And I thought like, okay, this is my chance, a new app, a new opportunity.
Like I want to do this.
Although there were some people that were super supportive of me posting on social media, like my fiance and my friends and my family, there were also some friends and acquaintances and people that I went to school with that weren't supportive of me and made fun of me, whether they were making fun of me
behind my back or like to my face, you know, I'd be out at a bar or a party and they'd be like, Oh, I saw your videos on TikTok.
That's cute, you know, like really condescending and clearly like in a hater kind of way.
And when I would hear people talk this way about me or to me and say like, Oh, it's like not going to work out or like you're wasting your time or it's so embarrassing.
It would make me feel like shit about myself.
It really made me doubt myself.
But that's the thing.
That's their intention.
They want you to have doubt in yourself.
This episode is sponsored by Equip.
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This show is sponsored by Gatorade.
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Fall is without a doubt my favorite season, especially because I live in Connecticut and it's just so beautiful here.
Like hot girl walks are 10 times better here because the leaves are changing and the weather is just incredible.
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Now let's get back to today's episode.
The people that are so quick to say, you can't do that.
Are you sure you want to do that?
I don't know if that's going to work out for you.
Personally, I could never do that.
That's so embarrassing.
That's so cringy. Those are the same people that see it so clearly how capable you are.
They see it so clearly that you can do it and you will do it.
So they have to put doubt in your head in hopes that you don't go through with it because they know that when you do go through with it, people will see how successful you are and how cool you are.
And they'll actually like you and they can't stand that.
They don't want people to like you.
So they think, let me just like make sure, let me plant a seed of doubt so they don't do it.
They can't outright say that they don't like you or that they don't want you to be successful because they know it would make them look like a bitch.
So instead, they instilled doubt in your head and they say, oh, that's cute.
That's cute that you're doing that.
Are you sure you want to do that?
In hopes that it's going to make you doubt yourself enough to back out and not go through with it.
And that way they still win.
You don't go through with this thing without them having to say like, I don't want you to do that.
The people who are so quick to be negative about your goals and your aspirations and, you know, rain on your parade are the same people who see your potential.
They probably see your potential more than anyone.
Haters are the biggest fans.
Like people who are so riled up about your success often disguise their obsession with disgust.
It's like snark pages on Reddit about like celebrities and influencers.
They don't know any of these people, but they still spend their time writing these think pieces and like posting screenshots of people's videos and just like ripping them apart when it's like, why don't you go do something much more productive with your time?
You're saying you hate these people, but you're spending so much of your time stalking them and talking about them.
They'll literally just post a video of someone dancing and be like, oh, they think they're hot shit.
And it's like, yeah, they are hot shit clearly because here you are talking about them.
They know that that person's good looking and cool and people like them and it pisses them off.
So instead of admitting how they actually feel, they try to make other people think that they're weird and no one likes them and they're not cool.
They try to turn everyone else against that person because they think in their head that it's going to make them feel better about themselves.
People who talk the most about you and vocalize your future failures are the ones who feel like they need to do that.
Otherwise you will succeed.
They're trying to keep you down because they know you're capable of being up and obviously they can't like interfere with what you want to do.
So the quickest way for them to feel like they're in control is to shit on you.
Obviously, it's sad because it's rooted in insecurity and there's part of me that's like, oh, it's sad.
That's sad that they don't like themselves and they have to put me down to feel better.
And yeah, there's people that I wish were more supportive of me.
Like, you know, that friend you go to when you have good news and you want them to celebrate you, but you're actually met with criticism or that person being like, that's nice.
Like wish something good was happening for me.
That's something that I've definitely picked up on this year because in the past I would get really upset that people would be this way towards me.
And I didn't understand why.
I just thought that they really did doubt me and, you know, maybe were looking out for me.
But now it's just so clear that people will disguise their resent for you with looking out for you, looking out for your best interest when in reality, they don't have your best interest in mind.
They have their best interest in mind.
The next thing that I learned this year is someone who becomes your enemy over a misunderstanding without trying to resolve it with you was always your enemy.
This was something that I struggled with throughout my life.
Like I couldn't grasp the concept of someone that I was close to just being able to cut our friendship without even talking, like how they could just cut me off and act like nothing happened.
And like I didn't matter.
And it wasn't until this year where I heard this quote and it hit me that I was like, oh, that's what's been happening.
Because I also went through a really traumatic friendship breakup this year.
And it just all finally made sense for me growing up, especially like in my teens, my twenties, I would have a fallout with a friend over something that could have been handled within like five minutes and just like squashed.
And I just couldn't understand why this person wasn't capable of hearing me out and hearing my side or just like talking through things with me, why they were so quick to just leave the friendship and pretend like I didn't matter because to me, it's like I care so deeply about you.
Even if you did me wrong and there's people that have done me wrong, I still would like to have a conversation before just like dipping out.
If I really cared about the friendship, I really wanted the friendship to work out, I would hear them out.
But it would always end with me being like, did I do something wrong?
Did I over step? Did I cross the line?
Like am I a bad fucking person?
And I would try to think of any situation where I might have pissed them off or annoyed them or I did something wrong.
But then it would always come back to like, well, they didn't say I did anything wrong.
They didn't say I upset them.
We weren't fighting like I have no idea.
So like I'm sitting there thinking like, did I say something wrong?
Did I do something wrong?
And I'm coming up with situations where I think maybe I wasn't the best friend or the best person.
And I'm just over analyzing every situation that I've had with that person.
I really did try to be a good friend to them.
And if they had just come to me and had been like, hey, this upset me or I didn't like that you did this.
I would have tried to resolve the situation or been better to them.
But like they never came to me to have that kind of conversation.
So it's like, how are you supposed to know that you're doing something wrong or that you're upsetting someone if they don't tell you.
And it's like the one time that we have a disagreement or I don't say yes to them or I'm not in an amazing mood.
They don't want anything to do with me.
It's like I'm only good when I'm satisfying something for them.
But once that satisfaction leaves, I'm worth nothing and I'm not important to them anymore.
I know it's not like this for every situation.
I know there's friendship breakups and romantic breakups where someone does something over and over again that upsets you or pisses you off.
And you get to a point where it's like, I can't do this anymore.
Like you're not listening to me.
You don't care about me.
I'm done. And then you cut them off and that's that.
And that person might not understand why you're cutting them off because they haven't been listening to how you feel.
But like if someone doesn't tell you how they feel about you or what you're doing wrong or that they're mad at you or they're upset with you.
You're not a mind reader.
Like yes, there's obvious right and wrong.
I'm not going to be pleased if my best friend sleeps with my fiance.
That's like a no go.
Like I don't have to tell you not to do that or that upset me.
But for the most part, like if someone pisses you off or someone's upsetting you, they can't fix that problem without knowing there is a problem.
Like you don't like how they said something.
How are they supposed to know that you feel that way?
You don't like that they hung out with that person.
How are they supposed to know if you didn't tell them you don't like how they like someone's photo?
How are they supposed to know unless you tell them?
But this is a year that I realized that someone who ends a friendship with you over a miscommunication and isn't able to just have a conversation with you, they were never your friend.
I just can't imagine being so close with someone.
And the second that you're not getting along or you're having a disagreement, you're like, you know what, you're dead to me.
To go from claiming that you love someone so much to then overnight being like, I hate them and talking so poorly about them and trying to turn people against them is insane to me.
And I just don't believe you when you say that you cared about that person or you love that person.
For me, it's like if we were close, if we were friends, I don't care if we have a fight or we just decide we're no longer compatible.
I'm never going to go out of my way to hate you and talk poorly about you, especially online and in public when you once met so much to me.
Like I did love you.
I did care about you.
And that doesn't just go away because we're not in each other's lives anymore.
Yes, there's like times where someone crosses the line and it's unreparable and you lose that love for them because of how badly they hurt you.
But like over a miscommunication is crazy.
It's hard to hear this, but if someone is so capable of ending your friendship over a first time misunderstanding or a disagreement or a little tiff when you've never had problems with this person in the past, they've never brought anything to your attention being like, hey, this upsets me, this pisses
me off. And in your mind, you're like, oh, like we've had a really good friendship.
And then you have one disagreement and you're not seeing eye to eye and they dip out.
That was never your friend.
Chances are they held some type of resentment over you or disliking for you, but we're keeping you around because you were able to provide something to them or they were waiting for like the right opportunity to cut you off, but they didn't have any reason to cut you off before until this moment because that kind
of hate doesn't happen overnight.
Someone doesn't go from calling you their sister and being like, I love you so much to becoming your enemy and talking so poorly about you.
Like that was simmering.
That was there just behind closed doors.
And although it is painful, it's painful to lose someone that you cared about so much, it is healing to know that you don't have to sit around and be like, what did I do wrong?
Like, what could I have done better?
Like, is it my fault?
Did I do something wrong?
No, like this person just didn't care about you and love you the way that you cared and love them.
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Now, let's get back to today's episode.
The next thing that I learned and really resonated with me this year is we are products of our past, but we don't need to be prisoners of it.
Like, just because something has happened to you doesn't mean that it needs to define you.
A lot of the time when something traumatic happens to us, it affects us so greatly that we hold onto it and allow it to overshadow other amazing things that have happened to us or amazing things about us.
There were things that had happened to me when I was younger, and it really fucked with me.
And I thought because of the magnitude of what had happened to me, nothing in my life could reverse it or make it better.
And that was always going to be the thing that kind of hung over my head.
No matter how great things got, it was like, well, this happened.
It doesn't matter how successful I am.
Well, this thing happened.
It doesn't matter how much people love me.
This thing still happened.
And I carried that mindset with me up until my 20s.
It was like this shadow that always lurked over me, was always following me.
Like, no matter what, it was there.
I remember thinking before I got into any relationship I was in, gearing up and being like, okay, I have to tell them, like, hey, by the way, this thing happened to me.
Like, once we get serious, they have to know this thing about me.
Otherwise, they don't really know me.
Like, they need to know this thing about me.
If you don't know from like a previous episode of mine or like just how I'm talking about this, I was essay'd when I was younger.
So when I would get serious with these boyfriends, I thought like, hey, I have to tell him this.
Like, if we're being intimate, they need to know this thing about me.
Otherwise, they don't know me.
And it was this fear of mine that before I told them I was like this incredible person, and they were so in love with me and obsessed me.
And I thought they would hear this and then think I was broken.
And also before dating my now fiance, Josh, the two guys I had dated before him kind of treated me like that.
Like, once they knew, it almost felt like they treated me differently and they treated me worse.
Like, after they knew that, they started cheating on me and lying to me and hurting me.
And I carried that with me for so long, thinking like, oh, that's why they did it.
Because I'm not the girl that they thought I was, which is so ridiculous.
And if you have gone through something similar as me, I don't want you to ever in a million years think that you're broken or with this person violating you.
That they have taken away your good because you are so incredible.
You are so strong and that incident does not define you whatsoever.
The reason that I say that I learned this this year is there were things that happened this year that really bothered me, that really upset me.
But the world keeps spinning and I can't fixate on those things and suffer forever.
Like, for instance, that friendship breakup, it was super traumatic, but it's like, I don't need to let that define who I am.
I don't need to think that I'm a bad person because of that situation or because of that person.
Or even in a more positive sense, being engaged this year, Josh has shown me that like, I never had to feel like I had this rain cloud following me.
And that I'm defined by the situation or that I'm hard to love.
Like, he shows me every single day how easy I am to love.
And with every good thing that happens to me, I don't need to think back to my past and be like, okay, well, this thing happened.
Who gives a fuck? Like, it happened and it hurt and I didn't deserve it, but it's either I keep reliving it or I move on and I get better and I heal and I do better things.
I can either be defined by things that I love or the things that I hate and I want to be defined by the things that I love.
There's going to be a million other things that happen and you will have so many new experiences.
One experience should not rule your life or interfere with new experiences.
I've learned that we can't change our past.
We can't fix what's already been done, but we can take what we learn from that experience and use it as an opportunity to grow and be better and seek better.
We can take what has happened to us and instead of feeling like I have no control, I can think like, you know, I have control over who I allow into my life, what I accept, what I do not allow.
I can't change what has happened to me, but I can be more in control of what happens moving forward.
The last thing that I want to talk about in this episode, like I said, there's so many things that I learned this year, but these are things that really stood out to me.
And I was like, you know what?
I want to talk about these.
That is you will bloom if you take the time to water yourself.
Like I said before, this year was pretty hard for me.
But when I look back at times where I struggled, I can recognize that I wasn't showing up for myself as much as I would have liked to or the way that I was showing up for myself previous years.
I tried to do some globe challenges, but I always fell short.
And it's hard to admit that, especially when you do have a platform that really focuses on taking care of yourself.
I feel like this year I went through so many mental struggles and I found myself reverting back to things I used to do that I would say that aren't like super beneficial to me.
Not saying they're harmful, but I spent way too much time on my phone.
I spent way too much time worrying about people and things that don't matter to me.
I didn't move my body as much as I would have liked to.
I didn't cook at home as much as I would have liked to.
And it's like I have all these concepts of like what I want my life to look like, how I want to be.
But when you're going through certain things and life is really busy and chaotic and you have a lot on your mind, it takes more of your energy to slow down and do the things that you feel like you should be doing.
That's not to say that I didn't do things this year.
That's not to say that I didn't have really great moments and really great success and really happy times.
I just didn't do as much as I would have liked to.
And I did feel stagnant in a sense this year compared to other years.
And I think that's because I got to a place where I was comfortable.
And I stopped putting in the amount of effort that it took to get me to where I am now.
Like 2022 was the most explosive transformative year of my life.
I mean I quit my job.
I started my podcast.
I got signed to a podcast network.
I moved into my first house I was renting, like so many things.
But it took time for me to get to that place.
But the reason I was able to get to that place is because I worked my fucking tail feather off for it.
I was so dialed in on what I wanted and how I was going to get it.
I was so like I mean to be fair, 2022 I would say I was like the most isolated.
I didn't live near any of my friends and I didn't see many people.
And I was just really focused on my podcast and super in work mode.
But I was also very spiritual and I was listening to podcasts all the time and listening to like manifestation music.
And I was just locked in.
But now that I'm living life that I really love and I have an established podcast and I get to do social media full time and I'm a fiancé and I like all these amazing things are happening.
I'm like, oh, this is nice.
This is nice. And I'm comfortable.
I am living kind of in my comfort zone.
Is my comfort zone much larger and much different than it used to be a couple of years ago?
Absolutely. But the reason that I'm able to do these things and feel comfortable doing them is because I took time in past years to step out of my comfort zone.
And now I'm like, okay, well, we're here.
Should I do more? I don't really want to.
But I know I should be.
I love this quote that goes, if you're not growing, you're dying.
And I feel like I did regress in some parts of my life, which is fine because it's not life is not always going to be one way.
You're going to run into obstacles and you're going to have to take a step back or a few steps back.
And you have to make the choice whether you want to stay there and keep regressing or if you want to move forward and continue to grow.
And I want to continue to grow.
I don't want to stay stagnant.
These past years where I was super focused myself, someone might look at me and be like, well, you were selfish and you spent so much time with yourself and you didn't spend time with anyone else and you just prioritized yourself more than other people.
But that's when I was the healthiest, happiest, secure version of myself.
I felt very aligned with my purpose.
I knew exactly what I wanted and things just flowed really easily to me.
And I think it was because there wasn't so much noise.
There wasn't so much comparison.
And I just really wanted things to work out for me.
And now that things are working out, I'm like, oh, this is so nice.
But it's like things could get even better.
Like you don't have to stop once things get good.
They can get even better.
I love myself and I'm confident in myself and I love my life.
But there are things that I would like to improve on.
There's things that I want to work on in the next year.
I want to have a wider vocabulary.
I want to be more educated on certain things.
I want to be more confident.
I want to be more kind.
And it's like those things don't happen overnight.
They happen with time and patience and dedication.
I think it's important to remind yourself that you can have an idea of what you want.
You can have dreams and aspirations and things can work in miraculous ways, like crazy ways.
You know, my podcast started to get traction because it randomly blew up on TikTok and that was an incredible TikTok miracle.
But you still need to put in the work when you're trying to make things in your life work.
So if you're making a vision board for 2025 and you're thinking of things that you want to become or you want your life to look like, like let's say that you're like, I want to travel the world and I want to make more money and I want to be engaged and I want more girlfriends.
And I just want these things.
It's not enough to just put them on your wall and be like, OK, I did my part.
You also have to think about what can I do to make these things come into fruition?
Because yes, sometimes you're granted things and it seems like magic, but you also need to put your time and attention into it.
If I'm going into the new year and I'm like, I want to be more kind.
I want to be more educated.
I want to be more successful.
I need to think about like, what are things that I can do every single day to make these things happen?
How am I going to spend my time every single day on these things?
So this becomes my reality.
If I make a clear plan this upcoming year where I say I'm going to practice active listening.
I'm going to perform acts of kindness.
I'm going to practice gratitude.
I'm going to surround myself with kind people.
I'm going to read more.
I'm going to research more.
I'm going to have deeper conversations.
I'm going to set clear goals.
I'm going to be more consistent.
That is how I'm going to grow.
Being clear of what I need to do and then doing it rather than just saying I'm going to become this thing.
I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but it's going to happen.
There's a chance that could happen, but you're going to have a much easier time and it's going to happen quicker by having a clear plan and being like, okay, well, if I do this and this and this, then eventually this will happen.
The worst thing that's going to happen if you take care of yourself and you put time into things that matter to you is they don't work out right away or they don't work out the first time.
But that's the worst thing that happens, right?
Like there's still a chance that things could happen the way that you want them to and things work out for you and you grow and you heal and everything's amazing.
But if you don't put time into yourself, you don't work on anything, you don't take care of yourself, you don't even try, I can guarantee nothing's going to work out for you.
You're definitely not going to get what you want.
And like, do you really want that?
Do you want to go another year feeling like things aren't going your way?
You want to go another year feeling mediocre?
You want to go another year settling?
I know I don't want to go another year feeling that way.
So that is everything for today's episode.
Like I said, there's definitely so much more that I have learned, but like this was just a few things I was like, I want to talk about this.
But if you like this kind of episode, you're definitely going to like next week's episode because it's very similar.
It's kind of talking about the things that I've learned in 2024 and kind of taking it into 2025.
I don't know what I'm going to title it.
I think I'm going to call it like what I'm committed to in 2025.
I don't know, but it's very similar.
But let me know if you like this kind of episode and if you did, I can do it for like maybe my birthday, like things that I learned throughout being 27, or I can do like things that I've learned in my 20s or even like things I learned halfway through next year of like 2025.
So just let me know.
If you haven't already, make sure to follow my socials.
I have no idea what's going on with TikTok if it's going to be banned.
But if it's not, my TikTok is Ashley C Corbo.
And if it is, check out my Instagram Ashley Corbo, my YouTube is AshleyCorbo444.
If TikTok's being banned, I think it is the year of YouTube because I need to put my time into something more than just the podcast.
Like TikTok and my podcasts have always been the thing.
But if there's no TikTok, I don't know, maybe it's YouTube.
So we'll see. That is everything.
Thank you so much for listening today, Besties.
I love you so much.
And I will talk to you next Monday.
I love you. Okay, bye.
