Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast You know the other day I read this passage quoting the Buddha it's so beautiful I wanted to share with you What you think you become what you feel you attract What you imagine you create?
It's so true and I not only wanted to share it with you But I really wanted to talk with you about that first part what you think you become In fact, let's just break that apart a little bit see what you think Becomes what you actually say to yourself every day and what you say to yourself every day
Becomes what you do and what you don't do and what you do in life is who you become Well today, I'm gonna reveal three lies that you think are true about yourself And these are lies that you probably tell yourself Every single day and these lies that you think and that you say to yourself They impact
what you're doing and what you're not doing and that impacts what's possible in your life.
And so today One by one.
I'm gonna reveal these three lies and I'm gonna tell you the truth The truth about who you are and the truth about what you can do and what you're capable of and the truth about who?
You are meant to become Hey, it's your friend Mel.
I am so excited that you're here with me It's always such an honor to get to spend some time and to be together and if you're brand new Welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast family now I know you're the type of person who values your time and you're interested in learning about ways you can improve your
life I absolutely love that you're gonna love our conversation today Because today we're gonna talk about the importance of the things that you say to yourself and how the things that you say Turn into who you become and have you ever had an experience in life?
Maybe you've been on a sports team or you've had a mentor There's somebody that you really look up to and all of a sudden they call you out on your BS And you maybe you're whining about something or yeah, I don't think I can do this And they're like that's not true Or maybe you've done that with somebody
that you love I know I do that with my kids all the time when they start getting down on themselves I'm the first one to be like that's not true or when your spouse is in a funk or a friend of yours They just can't get over the breakup and they've been down and out forever But you see the truth about who this person that you
love Truly is at their core and you know when somebody's telling themselves a lie, right?
I'll never find love again.
I'll never lose the weight.
I'll never find another job.
I can't get good grades Nobody likes me and when you see somebody that you love and they say they was kind of lies to themselves You're like that's not true.
In fact, if you're like me, you can kind of mad at him, don't you?
You're like, will you just stop?
Trashing yourself like that.
Will you just see what I see?
We just dust yourself off Well today, I'm gonna be doing that with you Because there are these three lies that you have been telling yourself You probably don't realize that you're doing this and when I think about you sitting there lying to yourself like this Honestly, it makes me mad.
Let me tell you why it makes me mad It makes me mad because I can see you're the one shutting the door on your own potential you don't realize the power of what you think and say to yourself as you're sitting there shutting the door in your dreams and I'm what's possible and you know what your friend
Mel Robson. I'm not having it.
I See something so much bigger for you and it starts with you changing What you think and what you say to yourself and you want to know why I was inspired to do this I was inspired to do this because recently we have had so many amazing Conversations like on the podcast and if you're a brand new listener,
don't you worry? don't you worry because you are listening to the very correct amazing episode that you should listen to for the first time and Anybody that I reference or anything you hear it'll be in the resources Just go down to the notes section and you will be able to find all of the podcasts that I'm
referring to Okay, so you're not missing anything, but you know, the truth is recently People that have been on this podcast were talking fire fire coming out of their mouth and it's really made me reflect on the way that I talked to myself and the way that I Had shut the door on myself whether it's
in the past or recently and these conversations, holy cow talk about opening up some doors and so with the help of Inspiring and world -renowned experts in psychology and neuroscience and manifesting.
Holy cow We're gonna show you the truth of who you are of What you're capable of so I hope you've buckled up.
I hope you are ready I hope you have cleared your calendar because this is a conversation that you are meant to hear in this moment right now And I'm gonna start by just kind of setting the broadest possible context for a conversation.
Okay? There's a reason why this matters It is so damaging to lie to yourself and It is important for you to start telling yourself the truth and this goes way deeper than common sense I want to introduce you to dr.
James Dodie who is a world -renowned Stanford neurosurgeon and Neuroscientist and he's an expert on the science of manifestation.
He recently told me Why the lies you tell yourself have such a devastating Impact on the quality of your life and I want you to listen up to what dr.
Dodie has to say Oftentimes when we tell ourselves we're not good enough.
We're not worthy. We don't deserve love We think there's some truth in that but we have as humans a negativity bias we're negative statements have a tendency to stick with us and This leads oftentimes to rumination and once you tell yourself it is not possible I cannot that becomes truth.
And so we create our own Limited belief system.
Did you hear that? I want to make sure you heard that Dr.
Dodie said this is a neuroscientist talking once you tell yourself it is not possible I cannot that becomes your truth now, this is not necessarily a new idea Dr.
Dodie is just kind of explaining the Neuroscientific foundation based on decades of research But remember what the Buddha said what you think you become what you feel you attract what you imagine You create your thoughts and words have power and today you're gonna learn you better wake up and start
using your words and your thoughts for good and We're gonna make this really simple What you think shapes what you say to yourself what you say to yourself Inspires what you do and don't do and what you do every single day Becomes who you are I mean just think about this for a minute if you want to
know What your life is gonna look like five years from now.
Just look at what your life looks like today What are you thinking about today?
What are the lies you're telling yourself today?
What are the things that you're saying?
You're I'm not good enough.
It'll never work out for me.
Okay, if you keep doing that How do you think life's gonna work out for you?
It's not if you keep saying you're never gonna get in shape Do you think you're ever gonna take the actions that are gonna change this?
No All of the actions that you take or you don't take Determine who you become if you want to be a different person in five years Then you better start making some changes right now today as you and I are having this conversation because once you see these lies just like you call out a lie with a friend
don't Be telling that lie to yourself.
Don't be lying to me like that.
You got to do that with yourself lie number one You tell yourself you're failing at life not true.
In fact, the truth is you're well on your way I'm gonna prove it to and you better start telling yourself that truth.
I am on my way I am figuring this out lie number two you tell yourself you're not motivated or worse that you're lazy Not true.
The truth is you have plenty of motivation in your brain and you're gonna learn today from a world -renowned expert One of the biggest experts in the world on motivation This is a Harvard trained psychiatrist who is going to prove to you and teach you how to just tap into that motivation Got it.
Good because now we're on line number three.
You're telling yourself you can't change you're stuck This is the most dangerous lie of them all and boy.
Oh boy. I Have told myself that one.
Oh change is impossible Things don't work out for people like me.
Guess I'm just stuck where I am No, you're not change is not only possible.
Here's the truth It's automatic when you understand how to do it.
In fact, you're designed to do it I would say changing and growing is what you're meant to do So how about you and I dig into lie number one?
I'm ready to tell the truth aren't you aren't you ready to bring the truth into your life because the very first lie that you're telling yourself I'm Failing I'm failing I used to do this too.
In fact, there are days that I still catch myself in that lie I guarantee you every single time you're online on Some level you are comparing yourself to other people You're looking through social media.
You're looking around at your friends.
You're looking at your sister your brother -in -law or whatever and You're sitting there going.
Okay, I don't measure up You know you look at how they look or how they dress or how they act and you're thinking about how much money they must be Making how much time they get to spend with their kids and then what do you do?
Oh, you pull it back to yourself and you start bashing yourself and then you start telling yourself all kinds of lies I'm failing I'm losing at the game of life.
They're figuring it out.
I'm totally lost. They're successful.
I'm a loser Are you ready for the truth?
The truth is you're not failing The truth is every thing that you do in life is preparing you for what comes next You are not failing.
You are finding your way That's what we're all doing.
In fact, I wrote an entire chapter in the let them theory about this That's called life isn't fair Life isn't fair.
You're right life isn't fair Everybody in life is dealt a different hand and the more that you stare at the cards and someone else's hands The more miserable you're gonna be and the more you're gonna say this lie that oh I'm failing at life No, you're not and here's why you're not actually playing against
other people You're playing with them Must say that again.
You're not actually playing against other people Success happiness achievement.
It's in limitless supply.
Nobody can take anything That is destined from you from you See you're playing with people You can learn how to be a better player from people Other people don't block the way If you stop lying to yourself and saying that you're a loser you will see That other people's success and achievement leads
the way That can show you the direction you're interested in heading next.
How freaking cool is that?
see, there's a big difference in what other people are achieving And when they've achieved it When you feel like you're failing because of somebody else's life It's because you're focused on the fact that they have it now And you're lying to yourself and saying I've failed.
I'll never have it.
Let's flip this into the truth Everything in life is a lesson Whatever it is that makes you feel like you're failing It's just simply something you want like a fabulous love story.
Of course you do you deserve that You can create that just because somebody else has that now doesn't mean you failed They're showing you that what you want is possible they're leading the way this is a lesson That's it.
You want to make more money?
You can do that Look, I you're listening to a woman that was $800 ,000 in debt.
I had liens on my house.
I could barely get groceries on the table.
I Really felt like I was failing Every single person my age that had made it that were taking their family to Disney World that could pay their bills that were renovating their kitchen For a long time.
I thought I was failing and then I learned this lesson.
Oh wait, I want that I can work for that Maybe I'm not meant to have that right now, but that doesn't mean I can't have it later and That's the lesson remind yourself that through hard work and effort and patience 95 % of the things that other people have You can create for yourself See the problem isn't
the tendency to compare the problem is that you're torturing yourself with it because you're focusing on the fact that they've got it now and That you don't have it now makes you a loser baloney Baloney they have it when they're supposed to have it You can have it when you're supposed to have it if you're
willing to work for it.
See your life isn't over that's how I know you haven't failed and I know that your life isn't over because you're Listening or watching me right now and the lesson you needed to learn today Which is why you tuned in is that you're never failing in life if you're learning something from it And today
you get to make a choice You get to choose whether you're telling yourself the lie that based on where somebody else is right now and where you are that you're failing You're falling behind.
You'll never get what you want.
You're a loser you there Stop, it's so stupid.
Why would you say that to like just stop and look I get it There are very deep psychological reasons why we all do this but I just want you to wake up and realize that you get to choose what you say to yourself and choosing to believe that you're capable of achieving the things that you want and For whatever
reason you're not there right now, but you can be in the future like let's just play this out if you choose to start to say to yourself I Think through my hard work and my attitude I could create amazing things and then you start to say that to yourself I think through my hard work and my positive attitude.
I could create amazing things What do you think you're gonna wake up and do tomorrow?
Oh, you're probably going to wake up and do some amazing things Why because you think it and you say it and that makes you want to do it and guess what happens if you wake up?
Every day and you start chipping away at the things that you want you become that person That's how this works If you choose to believe that your path in life is meant for something bigger than where you are right now You will get there.
But if you are so preoccupied with this lie if You are so trapped in Thinking that you're a failure in Chronically comparing yourself to other people and then bashing yourself with it.
You will never ever ever see the truth And the truth is that there is a much bigger and more exciting future for you and it is waiting for you to just reach out and grab it and You're here with me right now and in this conversation with me today Because you're meant to wake the hell up and stop lying
to yourself. This is an invitation for you to Stop lying stop saying that you fail stop saying it's never gonna happen Because every time you tell yourself that lie you close the door and your friend Mel Robbins.
I'm opening up an invitation That's what I'm doing.
I'm saying I want you to accept the truth.
Your future is wide open You get to choose who you become that is the truth There are just too many examples of people that had way worse off than you who felt way like more like a failure than you I I had the numbers on the paper.
I had the liens on the house I had mathematical proof that I was failing at finance and yet I changed what I said to myself and To help me reinforce this I'm calling on a friend of mine.
Mr. Stephen Bartlett now most People know him and you may know him as the host of Europe's number one podcast diary of a CEO Now Stephen's a wildly successful entrepreneur.
He is a judge on the British version of Shark Tank he's someone I look up to in business and I kind of like literally steal a lot of the way he does things because There's a formula for everything and Stephen has literally cracked the code on a lot of stuff.
So I look up to him I learn from him.
I cure for him and he also has a really amazing take on making your quote biggest failures and challenges and flipping them into lessons and Advantages so I asked even about his mindset and honestly what the man says when he opens his mouth is like a master class And I want to start by just kind of setting
the table and giving you just a little shorthand about his childhood and Stephen talks very openly about how he had a Extremely difficult and rough childhood.
He grew up as one of the only black kids in an all -white neighborhood all -white school outside of London He was the youngest of four boys his grades abysmal money Non -existent in the family and Stephen started ditching class and selling cigarettes on the school playground for money And then one of his friends
said something to him that changed the trajectory of his entire life Check this out One of my friends said to me back then they said you're either gonna be a millionaire in jail and that's for me I remember where I stood when he said that to me at seven years old because I was that desperate which means
If I need money and if I think money equals fitting in and belonging then I'm gonna sell everything in the house I'm gonna start businesses at 12.
I'm gonna sell the cigarettes My mom bought back from Nigeria and those black bags in the spare room.
I'm gonna do whatever I can I Want to make sure you heard that?
One moment changed the trajectory of his entire life He's got this friend that says you're either gonna go to jail or you're gonna be a millionaire You get to choose and he also explained to you how what he thought Became what he said which became what he did which became who he became I mean, that's
a lot of becomes but let me unpack this for you Basically, he felt like an outsider in his community only black kid in this all white town Super super super poor.
So when that friend said to him, you're either gonna go to jail or you're gonna be a millionaire thing He thought wait money Means I will belong here.
I could be a millionaire That means I'm gonna fit into this place that I don't think I fit into He started thinking if I make money then I am going to become somebody that I want to be which is somebody that other people Respect and look up to and the more that he said I'm gonna make money Guess what?
The more that he found ways to make money now I'm not suggesting that you steal cigarettes and you sell them on a playground to make money I am using this as an example to point out that he used this formula He could have easily focused on the fact I am the only black kid.
I am failing out of school We don't have any money at home.
My dad is gone working.
My mom is working all the time I am basically alone as the youngest of four barely surviving He used this word like a feral cat running around the neighborhood and bing Instead of saying I am a failure He chose to think something else if I make money And if I do what it takes to make money Then I will become
the person I want to be and what he started doing was experiments And here's how he explains what he means by experiments The world is only going to change faster and faster and faster and ever before which means the correct answer It's gonna change so quickly that the you're not gonna get it anywhere else
other than Conducting an experiment in your life Which means taking that first step and from those experiments you end up building a ton of evidence about yourself and by 16 I realized that grades weren't going to get me where I needed desperately to go and when you realize that The system is telling
you success and happiness is a result of getting an A on that exam That you can't get an A on you have to find another path.
He used the word Experiments, okay, and this is the doing part when you start to tell yourself the truth that you can find your way and In Steven's case his way when he was really really little was I got to figure out ways to make money, right?
The way and all the little stuff that you start to do.
These are all just experiments Okay, they don't have to be fixed in stone and as Steven was explaining to me These are just little tests about what's working and what's not working I want to illustrate an example that a lot of you may be able to relate to or maybe you relate to on behalf of Somebody
that you love and let's just say that you are out of shape You have let your health go you've been caring for other people or working like crazy or maybe you have an exercise since high school Or college sports, whatever's happened.
It's happened, right?
But you now have this lie that you tell yourself That is I'm the big person.
I'm the out of shape one.
I'll never get in shape.
I'll never lose this weight I'll always be like this, right and if you say that to yourself When you wake up in the morning after you've said that over and over and over again Do you go for a walk?
No. Do you go to the gym?
No, why? Because of what you've been thinking and saying see what you think becomes what you say and what you say becomes what you do and what you don't do and That determines who you become So let's just use Stephen Bartlett's word experiment.
Let's just run a little experiment here How about you just say to yourself just start thinking I deserve to feel healthier.
I Deserve to take better care of my body I deserve to take some time and move my body every day just because I know it's good for me And I deserve to do that like that's a good thing for me.
Let's just say you think that okay You don't even do anything Now let's just say you start saying it yourself for writing in a journal.
Hi. I deserve to feel good in my body I deserve to have healthier habits I deserve to you know, move my body a little bit and take that time if you keep saying that one of these mornings You're gonna wake up you're gonna be like, you know what?
I'm the kind of person who deserves to feel good in my body I think it might go for a walk today The next thing, you know, you're going to the gym the next thing You're trying a yoga class and next thing You know you're running all these little experiments and you're signing up for the 5k Charity walk
in your local town and next thing, you know You've become a person that's healthier and you become a person that moves their body and you become a person that takes care of yourself and I love this idea of running little experiments because the problem with lies is When you lie to yourself You close
the door on what's possible and you keep yourself stuck You know, I did this in my career for a long time I went to law school and the second I got to law school right law school is three years It is an exorbitant amount of money.
I get to law school and I realized I Freaking hate it here.
I started saying I'm stuck like I've failed like I picked the wrong career but now that I'm here, I gotta stay here and When you lie to yourself and say you failed or you made the wrong call.
It's almost like walking into a room and the door shuts behind you and I Don't care what it is whether it's a relationship that didn't work out or a job that didn't work out or in my case an entire career path that didn't Work out or a graduate degree or the apartment you rented turned out to be absolutely
horrific When you say to yourself I made the wrong call I failed and for me, you know I not only completed law school.
I then got a job as a lawyer and so now I find myself I'm now six years into this thing.
I'm 29 years old. I'm pregnant.
I have a mortgage I Hate what I do for a living when people would ask me Mel What do you do for a living and I have to answer I'm a lawyer It's like I puke like coming out of my mouth and here's the lie.
I Started saying to myself.
I'm stuck in this career.
I have failed I have failed I've made the wrong decision and I can't do anything about this And when you tell yourself that lie That's what you become and I was a stock lawyer who hated my life for way too long Because every day I would wake up and I would think I hate this But I can't do anything.
I failed I picked the wrong career now I'm stuck with it and that means I did nothing Right and look I get it It is so easy for somebody to post a quote on Instagram that says when one door closes another one opens But when you feel like you're the one in the room with the door shut and you failed The
truth is this you've never failed Because everything that you do is preparing you for what comes next.
That's the truth. There are no failures in life If you can learn from it, it's not a failure.
It's a lesson So if you're hearing my words right now or you're watching this right now on YouTube I need you to understand something This lie will keep you where you are for the rest of your life It will and The fact is you are merely on one stone on the path of your life And if you look backwards
right now, I guarantee you you could explain to me How absolutely everything that has happened to you has led you right here to this moment right now Imagine if in this moment I think a lot about this.
Imagine if while I was in law school, I could go back and I could have listened to this conversation and the 23 year old me Could have changed what I was thinking and saying to myself That if you don't like this you can leave and that's true You can always leave a conversation or a date or a job interview
or a career or a marriage or an apartment anything You are never Failing you are never stuck and if you can look backwards and see how everything is led you here Why can't you stand where you are here and tell yourself the truth that where I am now is Leading me to where I need to be in the future That I
am on my way, which means I am on my way to winning I am on my way to where I want to be and I'm going to grab this advice from Steven and then I'm gonna start doing Little experiments to help me get there and that is what Steven is gonna tell you He is going to tell you how to take this concept even
further But first before you hear from Steven I'd like to take a quick pause so we can hear a word from our amazing Sponsors and why you take a listen share this with someone that you love Everybody needs to know these three lies.
They need to kill these three lies They need to start thinking and saying and living by the truth So share this episode and don't you dare go anywhere?
You're gonna want to hear what Steven Bartlett has to say and I will be waiting for you after a short break Stay with us Welcome back We are on lie number one, which is this dumb lie that we all tell ourselves when we start comparing ourselves to everybody else I'm failing I'm behind and not true.
You are on your way.
You are on your way to your next win We have been talking about how lies close the door on you because the truth is you don't need to figure out your life at 26 If you didn't make it in one career, then go into another one.
You don't have to have it together now You can have it together later.
In fact, most of us will never have it together So if you figure out how to get it all together, I would love to know the answer to that One of the reasons why you fail comes back to comparison and comes back to society and the fact that you're staring at everybody else instead of looking in the mirror and Recognizing
that you've got absolutely everything that you need to not only stop closing the door on yourself But to kick the damn thing open and walk through it and get on your way I'm gonna pass it to my friend Steven Steven.
Take it away. I think most of our Experience is a bunch of social Myths Bunch of doors that we just haven't tried pushing on yet And I at a very young age started pushing on those doors and when you start pushing on all of them and you realize that There's nothing behind them.
They lead to nowhere I think it develops into a habit where you start questioning things a bit more you start questioning like Social norms about you have to do this at this age and you have to go to university and you have to pursue a And you've been quitting is for losers and all of these narratives
turns out most of them a BS And it is in taking them on that you find yourself Reaping life's greatest rewards.
I love that. I love that you've got experiments and now you got question question the things you believe because a lot of what you believe and say to yourself is a Complete lie or it's someone else's truth, but it doesn't apply to you And I'm gonna remind you why this is so important for you to take
this conversation seriously your words matter What you think shapes what you say and what you say to yourself over and over is what you do and what you do Becomes who you are so if You're in a place where you feel like a failure or you're struggling with comparison or you're scared to death about what other
people think Start questioning the things that you're thinking and saying to yourself push against the doors that have closed because just like Stephen saying and just like I found the second you start changing The narrative in your own brain and you start telling yourself the truth those doors push
wide open. They really do Every time you tell yourself you're failing or losing at life.
You're lying. It's not true.
The truth is Everything in your life is leading you where you're meant to go So stop sitting there and telling yourself that the door is closed and kick it open and you got to tell yourself the truth I am on my way.
I am on my own timeline.
I am capable of achieving the things that I want I'm gonna open up this door by opening up my thinking because what I think becomes what I say what I say becomes the Experiments that I do that lead me to who I am going to become and that brings me to the second lie That you are telling yourself which is I'm
not motivated. I don't have any motivation.
I'm not disappointed man or even worse You say you're lazy Can I tell you the truth?
The truth is you have plenty of motivation See, you just don't understand your brain circuitry You have no idea how to squeeze all the juice of focus and determination and willpower Out of that incredible machine in your head.
It is all there You have plenty of motivation to tap into you're not lazy at all Most people are not like laziness.
What's interesting about somebody who's actually lazy is that you just choose not to do something That's not laziness.
That's a decision. Okay, so let's just be honest with that You don't have to take my word for this.
By the way, I got my friend Harvard trained psychiatrist.
Dr. Alec Kenosha He's also known as dr.
K. He is one of the world's leading experts on motivation He's got millions of people that follow him on healthy gamer on his YouTube channel and he's gonna tell you It's not that you're unmotivated or you're lazy.
That's a lie You just don't know how to use your brain and you and I are gonna fix that check out dr.
K So what I would say is we are spending our whole lives swimming upstream Instead of understanding our motivational circuitry.
We are trying to conquer it when your motivation comes from the right place Then you are impervious to the circumstances around you affecting your motivation So what dr.
K just said is actually great news, let me try to translate that okay, he's basically saying The issue isn't the amount of motivation you have the issue is you don't understand the circuitry in your brain that allows you to tap into it and it's not true that you're unmotivated the truth is you're just
working against your own brain circuitry and that's great news because that means it's a lie To say that you're unmotivated or lazy The truth is your brain has just as much Motivational juice in it that you need to focus and to work out and to get all this stuff done has anybody else's You just don't
know how to squeeze it Luckily dr.
K explains that a huge reason why a lot of us kind of quote feel unmotivated comes down to how your brain is wired and a major mistake That you make when you lie to yourself and say I'm just unmotivated and you don't understand your brain circuitry This was me This was me and I want to set up this advice
from dr. K for you because dr.
K is about to break down How your brain works so you can understand your motivational circuitry and you can access it and you can stop Lying to yourself and you can start living in the truth Which is you got just as much juice as everybody else and he's gonna first explain this Incredible fact that I
never knew about the basics of your brain circuitry.
Here's dr. K What a lot of people don't realize is that you have a certain capacity?
For pleasure and behavioral reinforcement when you wake up in the morning You have only a certain number of units of pleasure and behavioral reinforcement So our dopaminergic circuitry in the brain in this part called the nucleus accumbens Basically, this is what gives us a sense of pleasure and also reinforces
our behavior So what he's saying is that this I can't even say the word dopamin generic circuitry.
Okay, right We've all heard that word dopamine.
It has to do with motivation and craving and reward what he's basically saying is You and I have a certain capacity for pleasure and behavioral Reinforcement, which basically refers to the whole circuitry around motivation willpower all of that.
But here's the catch You only have a certain amount of it and it's there when you wake up So only a certain amount of it naturally when you wake up and this is really important So all of that Motivational capacity that you naturally have it is at peak Capacity and the tank is full when you wake up.
I didn't know that if you didn't know that it's sort of like Oh my gosh, that's an important thing to understand.
Don't you love this conversation?
I just love this I love this because I feel inspired I feel inspired for you I feel inspired for the people that you love that are gonna hear this conversation when you share it and the truth is I Got to take a quick pause so we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors And I will be waiting for you
after a very short break.
So don't go anywhere Welcome back.
It's your friend Mel Robbins.
I love this topic three lies You're telling yourself and the truth you need to hear boom Let's jump back in so what dr.
K said next is even more Important and this is something else.
I had never heard before I talked to dr.
K So the problem with dopamine is we wake up in the morning and our dopaminergic stores are full So what happens we have a reserve of dopamine and if you want something with delayed gratification and your dopamine stores are high You can work a lot But then when you get the payoff since you have a bunch
of dopamine you get a strong dopamine release and then you feel really Good.
So the way that this works is like I want you all to think about this Let's say I wake up first thing in the morning and then I work for four hours And then what is the subjective reward that I feel after four hours of work?
It's really positive Then if I use technology for four hours, it's kind of whatever but if I use technology for the first four hours of the day and Then I try to go and do work You're not going to and even if you finish the same amount of work You will not experience the same level of pleasure because your
dopamine has literally been depleted.
Whoa I just want to make sure you really track with that because I was like dr.
K. You got to repeat that So basically when you wake up in the morning your natural dopamine reserves, the tank is full.
You got that? The tank is full.
So you've got the most juice Naturally for the day first thing in the morning and you get to choose what you aim That tank of fuel at and what he's basically saying is if you like pick up the phone and spend four hours online Boom, you're gonna get a big hit but then you're gonna have nothing left for work
If you aim it at work, you're gonna get a lot of work done and you're gonna be able to focus and then you're gonna Feel satisfied.
Here's the problem for most of us because we don't know this Pick up the phone first thing in the morning, right?
That's a huge problem because when you look online at the news or emails or texts or social media You're draining the dopamine How dumb is that?
I didn't realize how big of a problem it was.
I think we kind of common sense know Okay, it's kind of dumb to lay in bed and look at social media really dumb idea But when you think about it in this term That you are draining and wasting all of your natural reserves of the dopamine Circuitry simply by being on social media first thing in the morning
Which is by the way why you feel unfocused and unmotivated for the rest of the day?
Because by the time you roll out of bed You got an empty tank upstairs between your ears And I'm telling you this because the truth is you woke up with plenty of motivation naturally in your brain You have plenty of dopamine in the circuitry of all this just like dr.
Kay said if you don't understand how the circuitry works And you waste it on dumb things and then you spend the rest of the day going.
I feel motivated I'm really lazy and I really want to hammer this point because this is a huge lie You're telling yourself and it's a simple mistake that you can correct and to make this even more visual I want you to hear how dr.
K explains this and a super simple analogy.
Take a listen So the way that I kind of describe this is imagine that you have a lemon that is full of juice Yep, so at the very beginning when it's full of juice a small squeeze gets you a lot of juice But by the end you have to squeeze a lot to get very little juice This is how dopamine is in our
brain so technology is like a hard squeeze So if we use it first thing in the morning We squeeze the lemon really hard and we get all the juice out and then you have nothing left To feel good about because all of your dopamine stores have been depleted.
Oh My gosh, don't you love thinking about this?
I love visuals that your motivation is like a lemon and you wake up and the lemon is Full and juicy and it's got all this juice in it and then like a complete dummy You and I because we don't know any better reach for our phone because it's addictive and it's like It's a hard squeeze the man just said
it We literally squeeze all the juice out of our brain and out of our motivational circuitry by scrolling on social media or binge watching YouTube What a stupid thing to do the second that dr.
K said that I'm like, I'm never having my phone in my bedroom again Never it was always a rule but now it's a man date why on earth Would you actually want to drain the tank of willpower?
Motivation dopamine motive all of that stuff first thing in the morning No wonder by the time you actually sit down to work on your goals or handle your responsibilities Or get to the gym or simply feel motivated To do what you wanted to do to enjoy your day.
He got nothing left That's because you gave it a hard squeeze first thing the morning by checking out social media.
That's why you feel drained empty and crappy That's why you feel unmotivated.
I want you to just let that sink in for a second Your brain is working correctly You're designed in a beautiful way and Because we didn't know any better Here we are waking up just wasting our brains most amazing fuel The energy that you need to feel happy and motivated and alive It's like give it a hard
squeeze when you open up social media and look at the phone It's gone before you even start the day So, how do you change it?
How do you make your brain work for you not against you because we now know it's a lie that you're unmotivated We know we've been making a mistake, right?
That's the truth. And the truth is you are a very motivated person that's why you listen to this podcast that's why you want to do better and Now that you know better you can do better.
So what is dr. K suggest?
Well, his first strategy is super simple.
I hope you'll do it and I hope you'll remember the lemon Do not reach for your phone or turn on technology for the first hour of your day instead give your brain and that full juicy lemon tank of motivation time to wake up naturally without That external tech phone stimulation or the TV given it a hard
squeeze Because here's the truth that I want you to think say and do you are motivated You are focused you are capable You wake up every single day with a brain that's full of juice ready to go.
You want to know the truth?
I'm gonna tell you the truth that I got to tell myself Mel Robbins.
You've been wasting that brain juice woman And this is one tiny shift That will tap into the truth.
You got plenty of motivation You just need to preserve the dopamine juice for something that is worth that motivation Stop wasting it on stupid things.
Don't you just love that?
You're learning how to take control of your brain and I want you to hear one more time from dr.
K for that extra encouragement and What I found is once you start Trying to fight this and you equip yourself with some knowledge of how it works You will be amazed at how easy it is actually it'll be difficult for a while But then you will get good at it.
The problem is that We don't know how our brains work.
We don't know how technology we don't know how any of this stuff works so there's a lot of hope you don't have to do it perfect and You'll be amazed at how much things can cascade in the right direction Dr.
K. I love you. Don't you love?
How simple this is when you know the truth?
It's liberating what you say becomes what you do.
You don't reach for your phone You wait an hour and you direct the motivational juice at something that actually matters and then when you do that What happens you become somebody who's motivated?
Isn't that so cool?
that brings me to the third and the most damaging lie of all and That is telling yourself.
You cannot change This is the worst When you say I can't change you stuck how I am you tell yourself I'll always be the one who's bad with money You'll never have any good friends You'll always be the emotional eater or the person that smokes or the one who's the big one of your friends Or you can't
get your act together or it always works out for your sister.
It never works for you I'll never find a career.
I'll never be financially free.
It's a lie It is a lie.
You want to know the truth?
You're designed to grow and change and to whomever it is you're meant to be and this isn't just some sort of fluffy pep talk from your feisty friend Mel Robbins at a biological physiological and neurological level you are always Growing and changing and that's gonna happen until the day you die.
This is a scientific fact and as you're learning over and over and over again You have to be very careful and very choosy about the words that you use when you speak to yourself Let me tell you something You don't have a clue who you are and you never will if you continue to say this garbage to yourself
You have to start telling yourself the truth.
What's the truth? You can change any time you want You can change your habits.
You can change your friend group.
You can change your career.
You can learn new skills My gosh, that's what this entire conversation is about today How you leverage what you think and what you say to change what you do into who you become You are not stuck where you are, but you will be if you keep telling yourself this lie It is a lie that you can't change But
I'll tell you what you will never change if you keep telling yourself that you won't change And I know how easy it is to be trapped by this lie because I have told myself this lie I have felt stuck in my life.
And yeah, because I don't say this to myself anymore.
I know the truth I know that you can change anytime you decide to do the work to change It is easier for me to sit here and say this because I have been through this so many times in my life I now know the truth and I live the truth, but I want to acknowledge something.
I want to acknowledge how scary it is when you wake up in a place in your life and you don't like where you are and you don't like who you've become and You listen to someone like me Who sees something so much bigger for you and you don't see it for yourself The truth is you have agency in your life
You do have power and that's why I wanted you to hear from my really good friend Sarah Jakes Roberts because she'll say it in your face, but she'll say it in a more compassionate way and I really want you to embrace The power that you have right now right here wherever it is that you are in life and even
though it feels daunting to look out and imagine an open future and even consider That there's a different possibility that is yours to claim.
I Has a way with words Take a listen When you have spent more time doubting yourself than believing in yourself.
It's not an easy transition And I I cringe when I see people are like just take the leap take the jump.
It's hard It is really really hard because i've only known one way of being one day one way of seeing myself And now you're telling me like I'm this big bad boy person and I just need to step into it and run with it And like I can't do it.
It is a dare It is not something that comes easily, but it is something that gradually picks up momentum And so I try to challenge people like one like let's start Let's create this vision like who is this person who you believe is within your reach to become you open the cupboard You know what you're
working with who is it that you believe you can become from here?
And how do we begin to gradually introduce that person to your life?
I love this Because sarah is meeting you exactly where you are On this day in this moment of your life And when she says open the cupboard what she means is imagine you're standing in the kitchen And you're standing in front of a cupboard and you open up the cupboard and you got to make dinner And you
got maybe a can of kidney beans.
That's what's in my cupboard Maybe a couple cans of tomato You got some spices you got some other stuff.
What can you make with this right?
What are you working with?
And that's all you need is to open up the cupboard Metaphorically and just work with what you got With where you are right now And I want to make sure that you heard sarah jakes roberts question to you Who is it?
That you believe you can become from here and I want you to focus on the two words from here Let's talk about where you are right now And let me remind you of the two truths that we've already covered Remember truth number one You haven't failed You are not behind Everything that has happened in your
life. It's brought you here And the cool part is is you open up the cupboard and you look at where you are It's leading you to what comes next Everything that you've got to work with is a lesson which means it's also leading you to your next win That's the truth And all you got to do is just start telling
yourself that That I am exactly where I need to be I've got exactly what I need and all I need to do is just trust and take the next step Do the next experiment figure out the next place.
I need to go. That's it It's in the doing the experimenting that you become but you gotta first stop lying to yourself You got to tell yourself exactly where you are right now.
You are on your way The second truth you have all the motivation you need I know you're tired.
I know you may feel a little overwhelmed.
It's not true You have all the motivation you need and thanks to dr.
Kay You now know you're not going to waste it On something stupid like scrolling on your phone first thing in the morning and just throwing away all that motivational fire power and juice Because the truth is you have all the motivation you need and now that you know That you want to create something
better for yourself.
You're going to use it You can tap right into it and that's going to help you answer sarah's question If you got all the motivation you need If you know that where you are right now is leading you to where you are meant to go if you knew that just by Experimenting every day doing things trying things
out moving forward If you knew that that was going to lead you to your next win Who do you believe you can become from here?
And when you answer that knowing you have the motivation and you have everything that you need That leads you to the final truth Which is you're capable of changing yourself You're capable of changing your life You're capable of looking at what you've learned and looking at where you are and looking
at what you have to work with Which is a lot more than you give yourself credit for And take in that next step That's the truth I don't ever want to hear you tell yourself a lie and I don't ever want you To allow it again Do not tell yourself you cannot change do not tell yourself that you are stuck
right here where you are.
It is simply not true in fact You're working against your own neurology biology physiology I don't even know what other ologies and the natural order of the intelligent design of you as a human being When you sit there and tell yourself that garbage And I want to turn it back to the amazing sarah jakes
roberts because I want her To grab your hand.
I already got my arm around your shoulder But I want her to grab your hand and walk you through Exactly how you're going to take that first step from here because here's the thing it begins with thinking Something different it begins with thinking the truth.
I Can change I am capable of this it Then become saying it to yourself because you got to say it to yourself and say it out loud Because then it becomes something that you do Do not stay trapped in your head Because you got to do something to become something Take a listen.
You don't have to go from where you are right now to That person overnight.
It is an introduction Um for those who you're in intimate relationship with it's the ability to say, you know What that precedent that I set the way that I have been showing up?
It doesn't necessarily feel honest anymore And I want you to know the most honest version of myself and Maybe things will change a little bit.
You know, i'm married.
I I don't want to write a book that Empower someone to be like, you know what i'm going to change and whether they can get with it or not When it's someone who exactly right, you know what I mean?
Like that's you might want to keep that person around Maybe they haven't done anything to you, but you still want to be authentic you get to introduce who you are to that person like Actually, I kind of want to go back to school or I want to start a business or I kind of think I might be an artist And
so I bought a few things and i'd appreciate bringing you along on this journey with me It is an introduction and then you look up and you realize wow, I have transformed but transformation is a process And so I would say to take a little dare a baby dare Recognizing that with each little dare we look
up and we have been transformed I love that.
I just love that a baby dare a baby dare maybe The baby dare is you're not going to have a glass of wine tonight Maybe the baby dare is you're gonna admit that you miss Going to an art studio And you're gonna tell somebody maybe the baby dare Is you're going to roll out your yoga mat tomorrow morning
when you wake up Maybe the baby dare is you are simply Gonna stop lying to yourself I dare you To embrace the truth after our conversation today I want you to open up that metaphorical cupboard of your life And stand here in the moment and see you have so much to work with Do you know how much you've
learned in your life?
Do you know how far you have come?
It's it's unbelievable The things that you've been through and that you're here and you're showing up.
You don't give yourself enough credit And I want to point out Three truths that you're now working with You are on your way And you will figure this out And as long as you just keep on learning And you try these little experiments You will be winning every step of the way And the second thing that you're
working with is truth number two.
You have all the motivation you need your brain is working perfectly It is designed Designed like that big lemon.
It's got all the juice you need.
So, please please please do not be a dummy Do not waste it on your phone in the morning because you my friend you got bigger fish to fry You got some dares you got some steps to take you got stuff to do.
That's important And truth number three that you're working with Remind yourself You can change any moment You decide to In fact, I love doing this You are designed too I Must say that again you are designed you were built to change and grow and Take those baby dares and I am hoping That after our conversation today after the time
we spent together today That you don't just keep this conversation inside of you That you do take that dare that you do tell people in your life In fact, I hope you share this episode with them with a little note and you're like, can you listen to this?
And then can we have a conversation?
about What we both want to go do in our lives.
Can we support each other like this is empowering Or maybe you're going to write it down in a journal Who do you believe you can become from here?
I'll tell you what I believe you can become anything and anyone you are willing to work for becoming I don't even know if that's a proper sentence, but you know what I mean because what you think Becomes what you say and what you say becomes what you do and what you do Becomes who you are And here's
sarah on what I want you to do next Because okay, you listen to the podcast you read the books and it's all living inside of you You got the tools you got them.
You got the inspiration you've got to let this live outside of you I think that we have to create openings for who we are becoming sometimes that's with our language Sometimes that's with us having communication with other people But I think the most powerful thing you can do is to back it up to start
putting a down payment on who you are becoming By using your words using your language to create space for that person to be rooted in your life Part of the reason that you have to let it live outside of you is that when it lives outside of you it enters you Out and makes room for more but also it creates
space outside of you for who you are becoming Let it live outside of me create space in the world for who i'm becoming create space inside of me This is why this formula works What you think becomes what you say?
And when you say it it lives outside of you and every baby dare every experiment Everything that you do creates the space for who you are becoming.
That's how this works That's why I see a bigger future for you That's why I know that something incredible is possible for you Because you can follow this simple formula.
You can recognize these lies you can tell yourself the truth And when you do that You will achieve things that are beyond your wildest dreams You will You will if I can do it you can do it And this is the formula that gets it done And I can't wait to see what you do with it And in case no one else tells
you I wanted to be sure to say the truth I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life Now you better get out there and go do it and that's not a dare.
That's a demand And i'll see you in the very next episode That's the truth so we can give our amazing sponsors a chance to okay lordy, okay Tell me one more time.
What do I say? Okay And I know you're dying to know what comes next.
Okay, gotcha. Let's go back up to puke in the mouth And that's really not a great visual.
But even though that but that's really Um Well, luckily This is the most dangerous.
Oh, sorry this I'm, i'm sorry the table's really squeaky Okay, good.
I do it one more time.
See have a different take What you're going to do it but another one with like a pause like well, okay.
Gotcha I think it's like I was amped wasn't I?
Thanks. I think so.
Okay. I'll just do it Oh and one more thing and no this is not a blooper This is the legal language, you know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes I'm just your friend I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast
is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician professional coach psychotherapist or other qualified professional got it Good i'll see you in the next episode Stitcher
