Hey, it's friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbinspodcast.
Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou.
For being here withme. And thank you for taking time to listen to something that could improve yourlife.
I just think that's so cool and I love being here together withyou.
If you're a newlistener, I also want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins podcastfamily.
I am so glad you'rehere.
My name is MelRobbins. I cannot wait to share this time withyou.
Youknow, I often say that some of the most favorite people that you will meet in yourlifetime, you haven't metyet.
Infact, just last night I was talking with our two daughters and they were making fun of me and they weresaying,Mom, remember when you and dad and hopefully moved toVermont?
You thought your life was over and you were miserable and you thought you'd never make anyfriends.
Look at younow. You have so many amazing friends and just three yearsago.
This is the importantpart.
Just three yearsago. All of those amazing friends of mine were completestrangers.
I met them at coffee shops at the grocerystore.
I was standing next to them at the school sporting events and just struck up a conversation and it just goes to show you that some of your most favorite people are people you haven't metyet.
And today that's what you and I are going to talkabout.
We're going to talk about something that happiness researchers call the power of unexpectedconnections.
What does thatmean? It's those chance encounters with somebody that you just randomly meet and that encounter changes the trajectory of yourlife.
I'm going to prove to you today through eight decades of research and five true life stories that unexpected connections not only make your day better but they do change yourlife.
So I want you to know if you're going through a tough time or you just are longing for more meaningfulconnections, more energy in your life or someone that you love shared this episode with you because they really want you to have more meaningful energizing relationships in yourlife.
I want you to knowsomething.
You tuned into the exact episode that you were meant to listen to at the exact moment in your life that you were supposed to listen tothis.
So get ready to be blown away by the groundbreaking research and heartwarming stories that will prove just how powerful these unexpected connections can be in your life and more importantly how you can start making themtoday.
This episode is brought to you byAmika, our exclusive insurancepartner.
And if you're a listener of the Mel Robbins podcast here in the UnitedStates, you're probably used to hearing an ad from our friends over at Amika Insurance right aboutnow.
Well today you are in for a treat because instead of just running onead, our friends at AmikaInsurance, they're bringing you this entireepisode, which means that the ads that are usually in themiddle, you're not going to hearthem.
No interruptions because Amika cares so much aboutyou.
Thankyou, Amika for beinghere.
I really appreciate you sponsoring thisepisode.
And now that you know that Amika is the incredible sponsor of thisepisode, let me just take a few seconds to tell you about Amika and their amazingrepresentatives.
First ofall, I want to tell you that Amika is a direct writer of auto home and lifeinsurance, but what they provide goes way beyond theirproducts.
Amika representatives are my kind of people because they care aboutpeople.
They love people and they take the time to understand their customers and they want to know the needs of their customers so that they can work with them to build a policy that provides both coverage and peace ofmind.
Having an Amika agent in your life is like having an unexpected friend who's looking out for you and yourfamily.
And I'm so glad that Amika is sponsoring this episode because that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you abouttoday.
Unexpectedfriendships.
Youknow, the people that become your friend in a not so conventional way are those amazing chanceencounters.
We're talking about strangers who you end up developing a really special relationship with and here's why I wanted to talk about this because so many researchers are looking into the connection between unexpected relationships andhappiness.
Imean, these relationships play an important role in yourlife.
You're going to learn that they make youhappier, feel more connected and even help you fight aging anddisease.
And there's one touching story that I'm going to share with you later about an Amika customerAl.
He's 92 yearsold. He's up in Maine and he has this unexpected connection with Zameka representativeCheryl.
Who went above and beyond to make Al feel special after his wife passedaway.
And if you don't have any tissuesnearby, you're going to need them because I've gotletters.
I'm going to readyou. Imean, this is a tear jerker of the bestkind.
Amika representatives must have read the research I'm about to share with you because they really do believe in the power of human connection and having real caring people there to helpyou.
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As they say atAmika, empathy is our bestpolicy.
Hey, it'sMel. And I am so excited because today you and I are talking about unexpectedconnections.
I freaking love thistopic.
It's the idea that there is a stranger out there that you're meant to meet who could become one of your closestfriends.
And when you stop and truly think aboutit, everyone that you love now in your life was once astranger.
Noreally. Stop and think about this for a minute withme.
How differently would you live your life if you knew with100% certainty that many of your favorite people that you will know in your lifetime are people that you haven't metyet?
It doesn't your heart and mind just openup?
I'm so exciting to thinkabout, isn'tit?
And if you're on a walk rightnow, you might be passing or walking by someone that could become one of your closestfriends.
If you're sitting at a cafe as you're listening to myvoice, I want you to lookaround.
There are potential friends or business partners all aroundyou.
Or even if you're driving in a car rightnow.
Who knows if the person that's about to pull into the parking spot next toyou?
And you get out of the car at the same time and then you strike up a casual conversation as you're both walking into the grocerystore.
Who knows where that mightlead?
And if you really stop and think about the possibility and the power inthat, you'll go through life in a totally differentway.
And that's my mission today to help you unlock what happiness researchers call the power of unexpectedconnections.
Some of your most favorite people that you'll ever meet you haven't metyet.
And we're going to dig into eight decades ofresearch.
And I'm going to give you specific advice about how you can start tapping into the potential of these unexpectedconnections.
And I also have five real life stories to warm your heart and to inspire you to lean into what's available to you right in front of youreyes.
Because the fact is one of your most favorite friends could be standing right in front of you rightnow.
You're going to hear stories about sending a text message to the wrongperson.
Sending up an email address and strangers who stand next to each other at a communitypool.
And even the power of someone that you've never met in person and only spoken to on the phone and how they can change yourlife.
You can think about this episode of the Mel Robbins podcast as a mix of Harvard research meets chicken noodle soup for the soul done Mel Robbinsstyle.
Now before we get into thestories, I want to start with someresearch.
And I want to do that on purpose for areason.
Because this isn't just about heartwarmingstories.
They're amazing and you're going to absolutely lovethem.
But I want you to take thisseriously.
Because one of the single biggest reasons that most of us don't live our lives looking at other people as meaningful connections is because we don't understand how much thismatters.
And I'm going to bottom line it foryou.
Do you want to have a more meaningfullife?
Then you have to start creating what researchers call warmrelationships.
And warm relationships aren't necessarily with the people that youknow.
They're with the people all around you that you don'tknow.
And so I want to dig into theresearch.
And to dothat, I want to introduce you to somebody namedDr.
RobertWaldinger. NowDr.
Robert Waldinger might sound familiar to you because earlier this year he appeared on thepodcast.
He's a researcher and medical doctor atHarvard.
And what he shared with me was so eyeopening.
Dr. Waldinger is the lead researcher of something called the Harvard Study of AdultDevelopment.
Now the Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest in-depth study of human happiness everdone.
This study has been going on for 86years.
And it's still goingon.
And one of the things that researchers at Harvard found across generations of people from all different backgrounds is that there is this one truth about all humanbeings.
Relative relationships are essential to your well-being andhappiness.
And his team in crunching all thedata, bottom line their research thisway, that good relationships keep you happier andhealthier.
And you want to hear something evencrazier?
The team at Harvard can accurately predict who is going to be happy at the age of80.
You want to knowhow? Because they figured out in this study that when people were satisfied with their relationships when they are around the age of50, they turned out to be the healthiest people mentally and physically when they were80.
And I want you to listen to Harvard'sDr.
Waldinger because he's going to explain why thismatters.
The biggest takeaway is that the people who live thelongest, stay the healthiest and are the happiest are the people who have more relationships with other people and warmer relationships with otherpeople.
That the people who literally saw more people in a givenweek, the people who felt happier with their relationships actually lived years longer and they stayedhealthier.
They didn't develop the diseases of aging as soon if they developed them at all compared to people who were moreisolated, who didn't care aboutrelationships.
So let me just underscore what he said and then I'm going to connect it to these unexpected connections that you can have withstrangers.
He says if you want to improve your health andhappiness, just focus on onething.
And so how do you dothat?
Sometimes all it takes to meet some of your most favorite people in your lifetime is simply sayinghello.
Infact, the very first story proves it and it begins at 7pm one random night at a hostel in Bali when a woman walking to the communal shower at the hostel was stopped by astranger.
Now just trustme. I know how thatsounds.
So let me back up a bit and give you some context because this first story is actually about our oldestdaughter,Sawyer.
So Sawyer had always dreamt of going on a solo backpacking trip aroundAsia.
She had dreamt of this for adecade.
She had saved all this money and all of a sudden she made it areality.
So she flies halfway across the country alone as a 24 year oldwoman.
She lands inBali. It is 7pm atnight.
She is jetlagged. She does not have herbearings.
She is in a country for the first time alone on this six monthadventure.
She gets to the hostel where she is staying for thenight.
She checksin. She has got her backpackon.
She islike, what if I kind ofdo?
And all of asudden, across theroom, she sees a woman about a rage and shethinks,okay, there is another womanhere.
The hostel is going to besafe.
I am going to beokay. After I get myselfsettled, I should go talk toher.
And so Sawyer checks in and she tells me that she finds her cot or bunk bed or wherever it is that she is supposed to put herstuff.
And as she is gettingsettled, she sees the womanagain.
And she thinks toherself, this is myopportunity.
I got a pounce onit. I got to go ask her if she has any plans tonight or what she is doing or where I should go for dinner because I have no idea what I am even doing except the woman is wrapped in a towel on her way down the hall to take ashower.
Now, when Sawyer told me thisstory, I just had to laugh because can't you pictureit?
Thiswoman, youknow, in her20s, she is in ahostel, she is in atowel, she is in her flipflops, she has probably got that little shower caddythat, youknow, people carry when they are in communalshowers.
She has no idea that she is about to get pounced on by my over-eager daughterSawyer.
And Sawyer tells me that she had to use the five-second rule in her mind so she could get the courage to go talk to this woman before it was toolate.
So she goes five or three toone.
And then she went right up to her andsaid,hi, I'mSawyer.
Where are youfrom? And Sawyer wasnervous, but she didit.
And Sawyer was even more nervous when the woman paused and fixed her towel and then said after what seemed likehours, I'm Naomi fromLondon.
Imean, can you imagine how awkward that momentwas?
One of them standing in thetowel, the other one is jetlagged, having just got off aplane, having no idea what todo, where togo.
But they got throughit.
They ended up talking for a little bit in the hallway and then Naomi went to go take ashower.
And Sawyer was kicking herself because she didn't ask Naomi what she was doingtonight.
And Sawyer desperately wanted to tag along or at least get a good recommendation for some foodnearby.
And a littlelater, Sawyer sawNaomi, who looked like she was getting ready to go out and she knew that she was going to be lonely eating dinner by herself if she didn't approach heragain.
She wanted to make thisconnection.
And so she blurtedout,hey,Naomi, what are you doingtonight?
And that unexpected encounter with a very awkward beginning as a stranger was heading to theshower, created a really beautifulfriendship.
See, Sawyer and Naomi not only went out to dinner and immediately clicked with eachother.
They made a deep and meaningful connection that night that was so strong that they traveled together for the next fourmonths.
Imean, four months is a longtime.
One hello and the conversation that followed sparkedthat.
And you want to knowwhat?
Naomi is now one of Sawyer's best friends in the entireworld.
They talk almost everyday, all because Sawyer leanedin.
She trusted hergut. She took the chance and she made theconnection.
That's all ittakes. And I'm here to tell you those opportunities are all aroundyou.
Imean, she made what wasnothing.
Two strangers passing each other in a hallway into somethingmeaningful.
And think about the number of people that pass by you every singleday.
Do you know how many people dothat?
Or who you're sitting next to at the coffee shop or who you sit down next to or across from the train every singleday?
Just imagine one hello leads to one conversation that could lead to somebody that you have never met becoming a really goodfriend.
So how do you create this momentum in yourlife?
Because let's get realhere.
It's all good to talk about just being more chatty or smilingmore.
Imean, everything seems easy todo, but then you don't doit.
So let me ask you why don't you doit?
Because I think when you hear a story like that and youprobably, if you really stop and think aboutit, you can think back to meeting some of your closest friends and thinkabout,wow, that really was a chance ofcounter.
And then it like changed its trajectory of mylife.
Well, I'll tell you why don't we lean inmore?
Why don't we say hellomore?
I'll tell youwhy. Numberone, you don't think it actuallymatters.
You don't think saying hello to somebodymatters.
And what you're going to learn over and over and over again through these five real life stories and through the research is that this not onlymatters, but your health and happiness depends on the relationships youcreate.
And the second reason why we don't do this is that in the moment where you're sitting there and you're sitting next to astranger, you see somebody walking down the hall or they step into theelevator, youknow, who could be the person you're supposed tomeet?
It just kind of feelsawkward, doesn'tit?
Because you haven't met himyet.
And this is always going to be the case because that moment right before you leanin, the moment right before you approach the moment right before you sayhello, there's always that moment where you feel vulnerable when you gofirst.
And even in situations where you're with a bunch of other people that are all brandnew, like think about moments where you're starting college or you're starting a new school or you're starting a new job and it's the kind of job where a bunch of people start at once and everybody's in the kind of sameorientation.
Even though you're all new and nobody knowsnobody, it still feels awkward to gofirst.
And I know exactly what you think when you seesomebody, anything I shouldsay,oh, they lookbusy.
I don't interrupt theirday.
I don't want to annoythem.
I don't want to look like somecreep, youknow, or maybe they're going to turn out to be weird or maybe you're worried it's going to seem awkward orweird.
I'm here to tell you you need to do itanyway.
Gofirst. That's one of my rules inlife.
I'll gofirst. Infact, one of the things that I notice a lot is that when I'm out and about in real life and so many listeners of the podcast come up to me and you want to knowwhat?
I loveit. I love meeting you in reallife.
I love hearing the stories about how what I'm sharing with you and our connection is changing your life for thebetter.
It's just socool. But what I've noticed is that90% of the time when you sayhello, the first thing you say is I don't want to botheryou.
What's interesting about that sentence is it acknowledges that you think it's going to be awkward when you approach somebody and you gofirst.
Here's what I want you toknow.
I'm proud of you for sayinghi.
I love it when you say hi and I also get that you're trying to respect mytime, especially with myfamily, which Iappreciate.
But90% of thetime, even though it feelsawkward, even though you feel a littlevulnerable, when you talk to somebody and you gofirst, they talkback.
This isn't justme, your friends sayingthis.
I came with researchpeople,research, research that proves that not only are you going to feel a little awkward when you talk to astranger, but here's what the researchproves.
Let me ask thisout, that you actually do enjoy what happens when you talk to astranger.
Let me unpack this for you because this is going to be like you're kiddingme,right?
This was a research study done at the University ofChicago.
They set up this experiment that involved commuters ontrains.
Let me put you at thescene.
They took a group of commuters and they divided them into twogroups.
They said group numberone, here's what we want you todo.
We want you to just go about your commute like you normallydo.
What does thatmean? Get down the train and you ignore people and you don't look atthem.
You read thebook, you listen to yourmusic, you just mindlessly scroll on yourphone, whatever it is that you normally do that involves not looking at anybody else or making eyeaccounts,actor,talk, because nobodydoes,right?
That's yourassignment.
The othergroup,okay, the secondgroup, here's yourassignment.
You have to strike up a conversation with a stranger who is sitting near you during thecommute.
And here's where it getsinteresting.
Before they put the two groups on the commutertrain, they asked to thegroups,okay, how much do you think you're going to enjoy theassignment?
And ofcourse, the people who were told you got to talk tostrangers, they were literallylike, I'm not going to enjoy this atall.
This is going to completelyblow.
Way too here would happen because when the whole assignment was over and they asked bothgroups, the people who literally just read their books and didn't talk to anybody and the people who were forced to talk tostrangers,okay, how do you feel after yourcommute?
You're going to believe what peoplesaid.
The people who were forced to talk to strangers were way happier than the people who just sat there and did what they normallydo.
And they were not justhappier, by theway, they were wayhappier.
Why?Well, the researchers are here to tell youwhy.
That unexpected connections energizeyou.
And here you and I are thinking it'sawkward.
You know what itis? It's actuallyawesome.
These unexpected conversations make you feel like youbelong.
It makes you feel like youmatter.
And if you stop and think aboutit, it makes sense because you're not sitting there on autopilot ignoring the rest ofhumanity.
Once you start talking tosomeone, whathappens?
It's like you come alive because the life force energy inside you sparks and you also under predict how happy your random conversation with the stranger will make youfeel.
Instead, you're sitting here and they all just going to bemissed, going to be awkward andthey're,nah,nah,nah,nah, you talk yourself out ofit.
And you want to know what else iscool?
The research shows it not only makes youhappier, it makes the stranger happiertoo.
And so many of you write in and you'relike,Mel,Mel,Mel, will you do an episode about your secrets tosuccess?
One of these days Iwill, but I'm going to tell yousomething.
Going first and talking to quote strangers is one of my secrets to success because I believe every single stranger could become a goodfriend, aconnection, a businesspartner.
And so let me share with you some of the tricks that I used to go first without beingcreepy.
Numberone, I compliment people's nails all thetime.
It's a really cool way to compliment somebody'sindividuality, to call out something cool aboutthem, or I might ask them what they'rereading, I might ask them what theyordered, I might compliment their shoes or compliment something that they'rewearing, or like Sawyer did in thehostel,5,4,3,2,1, justsay,hey,hello.
Honestly, I live bythis.
I talk toeveryone, thebarista.
I always talk to people in theelevator,always.
I am not the kind of person that gets in an elevator and stares at the door and just kindof, I literally have goodmorning.
Hey,everybody, how youdoing?
And it'samazing. It's like watchingpopcorn, but allgood, how youdoing?
How youdoing? I'mlike, even just that little banter picks youup, walking the dog any time I pass andwent,hi, people at thegym,hey, how youdoing?
The chatting with the person on the customer supportphone, by theway.
This one actually is kind of interesting because if you are ever on the phone with somebody who's doing customer support and they pick up the phone and you'relike,hey, how youdoing?
It's a little startling for the person because most people don't actually ask like theycare.
And by theway, when you gofirst, when you leanin, when you compliment their nails or ask what the name of their dogis, or you ask them what their favorite thing to orderis.
And that's a lot aboutyou.
It says that you're the kind of person who's willing to make aconnection, that you're the kind of person who's interested in otherpeople.
And youknow, you don't have to act like you're running for mayor and shake hands and chat with every person you meet and hold off the babies andstuff.
But you can do a little more than you do it rightnow,right?
Because I really want you to wake up and realize that you're playing it safe and boring rightnow.
You're on your phone during yourcommute.
You're staring at social media while you're waiting in line at the coffeeshop.
And here youare, missing out on all these opportunities for connection that bring youenergy, that give you a little boost tohappiness, that make you healthier and that could just change the trajectory of yourlife.
Like just imagine if I were to secretly film you throughout theday, I would follow you with hiddencameras.
You didn't realize you were beingfilmed.
Just imagine looking at the footage of you going throughout yourday.
You know what you wouldsee?
You would see that you are closedoff.
You would see that you are walking around and there's all these people walking by you and sitting around you and you're not talking tothem.
That you're giving signals that you're not open to aconversation.
You would see that you are buried in your phone instead of looking up and lookingaround.
And you'll see that you're missing so many opportunities to connect withpeople.
You feellonely? Here's how you actually addressit.
Start goingfirst, start saying hello topeople, start tapping into that energy in those little boosts that are all aroundyou.
You're not going to feel solonely.
Here's your assignment from your friend MelRobbins.
We're going to borrow from the researchers at the University of Chicago and those people that were in the group that were required to talk tostrangers.
Your assignment fromme,Mel, is to say hello to one person you passedtoday.
That'sit. That'sit. I want you to notice how itfeels.
How does it feel to turn to the person next to you at the coffee shop and spark a conversation with them instead of just staring at yourphone?
How does it feel to talk to somebody that you don't know standing on the sidelines as you watch one of your kids playsoccer?
How does it feel to sit down next to somebody at work that you've never met before and just havelunch?
The researchers say that you and I can divide relationships into twocategories.
Weak ties and strongties.
Strong ties areobvious.
They're the people you see all thetime.
Co-workers, familymembers, closefriends,neighbors.
They know yourbirthday, your favoritecolor.
They can guess what you're going to eat for lunchtoday.
They know what book you'rereading.
Here you and I pour all of our energy into thoserelationships.
We miss out on the second category of people who make your life really meaningful and that is weakties.
Weak ties are a group of people that I want you to pay a lot more attentionto.
These are people who you don't know thatwell.
You're buildingsuperintendents.
The person who works like five offices over from you that isn't in the samedepartment.
The person that you pass in thehallway, in thedorm, in the apartmentbuilding, or that maybe lives in anotherfloor, but you actually ride the elevator with them or pass in thehallway.
Your child'steacher, your yogainstructor, these are all weak ties that have the potential to make you much happier than you are rightnow.
How? By leaningin. By carrying a little bitmore.
By beinginterested. And let me just say you with a little research on why this matters somuch.
This comes fromDr. Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina ChapelHill.
Shesays, these simple little day-to-day interactions stimulate the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine andoxytocin, which are associated with positive emotions and socialbonding.
And so you're experiencing what researchers call socialcontagion.
And what that means is that all of these positiveemotions,connection, boost ofhappiness,energy,belonging, just the sense ofgoodness, they can spread from one person toanother.
And if you get into the habit of goingfirst, of sayinghello, of striking up aconversation, of complimenting people's nails and asking questions and being the one that leansin, you will start to see this ripple effect in your life ofdaily, positiveboost.
It's honestly kind ofincredible.
And so now that you've got your assignment to talk to somebody and you know the research about how a week connection and these random conversations and interactions make you feel better in themoment.
And that adds up to feeling better in yourlife.
What you're going to see over and over and over again is that the more that you do it on a small scale and you make yourself feel better in the moment because you're now going about your day in a differentway.
You'relike, why would I look at my phone all day if it's draining my energy and making me feel like crap and making me feel like I'm missing out when I could literally go first and lean in and say hello to strangers all aroundme.
And I'mlike,boom,boom,boom,boom, give myself some positivity and I'm lifting myselfup.
Now you see that this all adds up to experiencing life at a totally differentlevel, that the person in a towel in the flip flops with her shower caddy at the hostel could actually become a travel companion for four months and one of the best friends in yourlife, that these connections are everywhere around you waiting for you to gofirst.
Now I want to jump into the second story and just make this even bigger because this one is between two people who have never even met in reallife.
And I hope you have clean exes with you because this one is about a 92 year old man namedAl.
So let me set up the story because it'sreally, reallybeautiful.
And you've got Al who is a 92 year oldgrandfather.
He also had lost his wife so he is awidower, he's livingalone.
And he has this experience where he is driving the car and he hits adeer.
And if that's ever happened toyou, it's actually terrifying because of course it hurts theanimal.
It can hurtyou. It can also do a lot of damage to yourcar, which is what happened to Al and so he's really shaken up after ithappened.
And he called his representative Cheryl who works for Amika and they're talking on the phone and it was very apparent that Cheryl cared aboutAl.
Now they've never met inperson.
Like we're talking about two people talking on thephone.
And what happened next in this chance unexpected encounter over the phone was so moving that Al's grandson Joe wrote a letter aboutit.
Hesays, my name is Joe and I'm writing you this note in regard to my grandfather who lives in a rural town inMaine.
He recently hit a deer resulting in an auto claim and over the course of the claimCheryl, who was hisrepresentative, was very pleasant to work with and got to know him abit.
Now my grandfather's 92 years old and lives alone in hishome.
While he has friends in the community or good damn and invitations to share the holidays withhim, his home still lacks the hustle and bustle and coming and going of family that so many of us take for granted around theholidays.
Of course in some ways that can make the season hard to getthrough.
That being saidCheryl, who has never met my grandfather inperson, gave him a wonderful gift this year that filled not only his home but his heart with Christmasspirit.
She went out of her way to get a Christmas card for my grandfather and then had an army of people at the Amika Concord office all signit, wishing my grandfatherwell.
Then she called him on Christmas day just to wish him a MerryChristmas.
Of course his family and friends had also reached out to him as expected to wish himwell.
But I believe it was thissimple, selfless act of kindness and compassion that most filled his heart and brought to his house a spirit that had been absent thisyear.
And I wanted to thank you for thatCheryl.
My grandfather asked that I leave you a copy of something he wrote 70 years ago as a gift in return for your kindgesture.
My grandfather was a very successful businessman who had a long and impressivecareer, but it wasn't always thatway.
When my mom was a baby and even a toddler they had verylittle.
And one of their favorite Christmas as a family in December of1950.
My grandfather could only afford a little doll for my mom and no presence for his youngwife, no big Christmas dinner with aroast.
So he wrote this piece entitled The Gift and he gave it to my grandmother as the only gift he couldgive.
Oh myGod.Okay. I don't know if I can throwthis.
I think I needed the cleanaccess.
In times of little and times ofplenty, it has always been a reminder that true acts oflove, kindness and compassion are the real lasting gifts we give oneanother.
Thank you so much for your act of kindness that truly brought brightness to the world and warmed aheart.
And then he included this poem that Al had written in 1950 called TheGift.
And here itis. So many gifts with the passing of time are soon broken torn or fadeaway.
They serve a single purpose and are then forgotten or putaside.
Like all materialthings, they are substance and as such bring joy and happiness only for the presentmoment.
But there is a gift that you will not see beneath our tree thisyear.
When the gifts are unwrapped and takenaway, it will still remain until it is slowly seeped into the souls of those we love for it is not ofsubstance.
It is a gift of love wrapped indreams.
Dreams ofnow,tomorrow, it is tied tightly with a ribbon of faith which will never be undone and with a bow of compassion for we are sensitivesouls.
This love is the greatest gift I can offer and unlike materialthings, it will never break tear or fadeaway.
By giving it becomes only stronger ineverlasting.
Please accept this humble thought to nourish our love through another year and God willing within our entwined soulsforever.
It istrue. That love is the greatest gift you can offer and it is by givingit, it becomes stronger ineverlasting.
And I think that is what you are doing when you gofirst, when you leanin, when you are the one that cares about somebodyelse.
The story shows you that you don't even have to be in person to lean into the power of this unexpectedconnection.
Cheryl's actions show the realimpact, human connection and empathy canhave.
And you're even feeling it now that you're hearing thestory, aren'tyou?
That as I get all choked up that you feel your own heart swell and that is the phenomenon I was talkingabout, that the positive emotions spread from one person toanother, that there's thisundeniable, energetic ripple effect that youcreate.
And it starts every single time you smile or ask how somebody's day was or say thank you or hold open the door or check in on someone or turn and talk to the friend standing next toyou.
Isn't thatincredible?
Can you really stop and think about how powerful youare, that how you show up on a phone call or how you go first and say hi tosomebody, that you can be theone, that you can warm up theroom, that you can make someone else feelloved, that when you give itaway, it actually makes it stronger inyou.
It's sopowerful. And so thank you to Owl'sgrandson,Joe, and thank you toCheryl.
Imean, Ialso, what I also love about that story is I think we all know somebody likeCheryl,right?
That she's leading byexample, Cheryl's actions show theimpact, real human connection and empathy canhave.
Do you want to be somebody likeCheryl?
Don't you want to be the person that makes people feel thatway?
Well, I'm here to tell you you can and you are and I want youto.
I don't want you to forget the power that you have to dothis, not only for yourself but for otherpeople.
So let's get into this next story because ifyou're, if you could use a little laugh rightnow, you're going to getit.
Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that there's someone in the world right now that has youremail, but just with one letteroff, like it could be MelRobbins, but instead of spelling it with twoB's, R O B B I andS, it's oneB.
I want you to imagine that there's a person for real because there is out in the world right now just live in theirlife.
They got their email address just likeyours, but they got one letter that'sdifferent.
Now imagine that all of a sudden in their emailbox, they start receiving emails that are meant foryou.
And it doesn't happen justonce.
It happens several times because somebody misspells the email and oh mygosh, it was part of an email that went to a groupemail.
And so now they keep getting emails that are meant for you over and over because people keepreplying.
Is itannoying? Or is this an unexpectedconnection?
Well that's exactly what happened to mymother-in-law, JudyRobbins.
See one day one of Judy's sons sent an email toJudy, but he accidentally left one letterout, he misspelled theemail, and all of a sudden who received that message from Judy'sson, anotherwoman, whose email was only one letterdifferent.
What happenednext? While this stranger responded back to Judy's son and tell youwhat, I'm going to let mymother-in-law,Judy, tell you thestory.
One of my boys got an email from this womansaying, I just want to let you know I'm not yourmother.
And so one of the boys had written me a note but had dropped off this one letter and she gotit.
She sent you a note and they sent it to the wrong email address because they had just misspelled the email address and dropped off one letter and it ends up going to thisperson.
Thisstranger. Okay and so she sends the emailback.
And so she sent an email back to this person which was one of theboys, I don't know who was saying it's one letterno, I'm not yourmother, your mother must have different emailaddress.
And then I got several of them started to pick up and it was reallyfunny.
She wrote to one of the women that I'm in a book club with and she started off bysaying, I'd love to come to your book club but unfortunately Ican't, I live in France inParis.
So please tell Judy that this is my email and that's hers and so this went on and on andon.
But then we were writing eachother.
What's hername?Juliet.
So Juliet is over in France and occasionally when people are trying to reach Judy Robbins here in the UnitedStates, they misspell your email and ends up going to Juliet inFrance.
And she then forwards it to you and youtoo.
No, she started just answeringthem.
She startedanswering.
Which would copyme.Okay.
Okay. I'll come to your book club which I canput.
One point in time shegot, she got a receipt for all my cosmetics that I got from Raymond Marcus and then shesaid, I'd love to try the eye cream but I'm not going to pay yourbill.
Just or she had gotten thisreceipt.
Okay. As I said it to thewrong.
Anyway, this has been going onfor,oh, close to 15years.
15years?Yeah, quite awhile.
And so we becamefriends.
Penpels, I guess is what you'dsay.
So we would write each other back andforth.
So I looked her up actually and found out that she's American and she went to college here in America and lives inParis.
And I don't know if she ever looked me up but she wouldn't have gotten as much information as I got of her because she'svery, very well read and she'steaches.
When one of my granddaughters was going over toParis, I said you got to look upJuliet.
So I wrote Juliet and said she was coming over and sweetest could be of course she took her out to dinner with herfriends, took her to her apartment inParis.
Anyway. Last year we met up in Vermont in Woodstock and hadlunch.
And what was thatlike? It wasamazing.
She's yourage.Okay. In her50s?
Yeah. Threekids. She actually grew up in state ofVermont, believe it ornot, in afarm.
And she comes back all the time because her mother is in a retirement home inHanover.
So this experience of meeting a stranger over in Europe via an email addresserror.
Yeah. And then becoming pen pals for 15 years and then meeting in reallife.
What did this teachyou?
Well, youknow,my, I've said it so many times and it's such acliche.
But I think everything happens for areason.
And she came into my life as another friend and we just had so muchfun.
I'll tell youone, one of her emails was sowonderful.
I wrote to her and I wassaying, youknow, it's a beautiful summer night and I'm having a glass of sovenil and blanc and thinking about you and she wrote back the next quite quickly andsaid,well, I'm in Burgundy having a wonderful class ofburgundy.
They have a summer house somewhere out there in thecountryside.
So it's been wonderful to get to knowher.
She's a lovelyperson. I think that there are opportunities to make connections all aroundus.
We completely minimize the fact that somebody having an email address that's one letter off and that exchange that could have literallybeen,hey, I keep getting youremails.
Could you please let everybodyknow?
Yeah, that it's like just that cutting off communication versus leaning in with a sense of warmth and humor opened up the store to a 15 year longfriendship.
Well she was veryopen. Imean, she could have been really irritated by itall.
Yes. And I think that's thepoint.
Is that when these random thingshappen, maybe instead of seeing it as aninconvenience, see it as the universe open for rather thanyeah.
Fall in rather than fallingout.
Genius. You know what I love about what Judysaid?
Shesaid, Julieette could have been annoyed by it and just think aboutit.
I think most of us would have been annoyed byit.
Infact, if it happened toyou, you might be annoyed because you feel kind of inconvenienced or you just sort of delete it or like wrong address or you shrug it off and you just kind of moveon.
What if when you dothat, you miss the opportunity of a lifetime to have a friend who lives across the world and looks at your receipts and you want to know why she got herreceipts.
This is the funniest part because think aboutit.
Judy misspelled her ownemail.
Imean, and when she gets these receipts from you after getting all these other emails from other people that were meant foryou, she just laughs with you about how much you're spending on your stupid eye cream or youknow, she gets the emails from your kids and your book club and she makes space for a joke aboutit.
She then forwards your emails to you in a way that just is so open andgood, making sure that you're getting youremails.
And what aboutJulieette?
Here this random woman who is 30 years older thanher, suddenly she's got a connection with throughVermont.
That is socool. I just love this story and one of the reasons why I love this story because you can see how your attitude in these moments of an unexpected connection meaneverything.
AndJudy, just as you learned through the story with ourdaughter, Sawyerearlier, not only turned something from cold towarm, but they turned warm into a lifelong friendship out of thinair.
Why? Because someone wentfirst.
In the case of Judy'sstory, Juliet wentfirst, she leanedin.
Sawyer wentfirst, saidhello.
You strike up aconversation.
You're not taken life soseriously.
And when you'reopen, you're open toconnection.
And I'm not even done yet because I have a four story and I love this story somuch.
And my friend Amy shared this story withme.
You're going to lovethis.
Herfriend,Ostride, was at this huge community pool one day in the high tosummer.
And there sheis. She's watching her son and her daughter play in the kiddie pool and her kids are starting to play with these kids from anotherfamily.
So Ostride starts talking to the dad of these two kids whose name wasRich, just some lightbanter.
And you can picturethis,right?
You're at a communitypool.
There's so manypeople.
I get rid of all thekids.
And there youare. You're standing there in shindeepewater.
You got your one piece bathing suiton.
You're holding thesandwich.
Youturn. You talk to the other parent next toyou.
And they'relike,deep, it's so hotout.
Ohmy, all the snackbar.
Yeah,yeah, I got thesandwich.
It's not thatbad. You know that kind ofthing.
And now you and I know that thesethings, they can just kind of fizzle out kind ofquickly,right?
And that's exactly what happened in thissituation.
But when it was time to go and Ostride started packing up and she was on her wayout, Rich the dad literally walked up to her with his wife andsaid,Hey, how about you guys come on over forbrunch?
Imean, her kids gotalong.
And youknow, inhonesty, Ostridethought,okay, this is a little much to go from standing in shindeepe water to a brunchdate.
But she didn't want to berude.
So shesaid,yes, she gothome.
She marked it on hercalendar.
She told her husband about it and completely forgot aboutit.
Infact, when the brunch date arrived several weeks later and she saw it on thecalendar, you know what her reactionwas?
Oh myGod. Whatbrunch? Ostride couldn't remember who it was that invited them tobrunch.
Imean, she couldn't remember the dad'sname.
She couldn't remember theirfaces.
Plus, she didn't want togo.
No one wanted to get out of their pajamas and go to this stupidbrunch.
But I got to tell youwhat, I got to give her props because she forced her family togo.
Imean, can you imagine you load your familyup?
Nobody wants togo. You can't even remember the dad'sname.
And now you're standing on the front stoop of this house of these people that you don'tknow.
You're raising your fist and knocking on thedoor, racking yourbrain, trying to remember what they looklike.
And not only was it a surprise that that afternoon having brunch with some random family that they met at thepool, it wasmagical.
They clickedinstantly.
The conversation flowed soeasily, it was nonstop and checked thisout.
They found out that both couples lived in Chicago at the same time when they were in graduateschool.
And then they found out that they were in Mexico in the 1980s at the sametime.
And their paths must have crossed without them knowing because the amount of sharedexperiences.
And then as they're havingbrunch, ostred andrich, wait herethis.
They find out that they have the same birthday and I'm talking not only the sameday, but the exact sameyear.
Don't you freaking love it when you meet your birthdaytwin?
Imean, how cool isthis?
I love this stuff and it doesn't endthere.
Check thisout. Ostritt is an interior designer and designer of custom headboards and rich loves flippinghouses.
And that was the serve another magicalconnection.
A few conversationslater, ostred and rich felt like there was an opportunity that they just couldn't ignore and they started a house flipping businesstogether.
Their skills just complemented each otherperfectly.
And foryears, they ran a successful house flipping business and they called it sameday, sameyear.
I love that story because what if you not only took everything that you're learning about how you can use these unexpected connections and see strangers as way to bring more joy and energy and meaning in your day to daylife.
But what if you look at it as something even deeper that it's almost like a scavenger hunt of people where there are people you're meant to meet that in the process of bumping up the energy and saying hello and leaning in and being that kind of positive person spreading the ripple ofpositivity, that's how you're going to find the person that you're meant to meetnext.
And if you really think about thestory, doesn't it feel like something had been trying to pull them together allalong?
There's no doubt in my mind that they did cross paths inMexico, but no one wentfirst.
There's no doubt in my mind that they did meet inChicago, but nobody leanedin.
But that day at the communitypool, that unexpectedconnection, that was theday.
And tothink, it always begins the same way with a simple hello and aconversation.
And that leads to connection and curiosity and just feelinggood.
And that leads to invitation on a whim to brunch and a willingness to see what's on the other side of thedoor.
And often what you'll find is beyond your wildestdreams.
And that leads me to our final story of Jamal Hinton and WandaDench.
And much like Judy and Juliet'sfriendship, which began with a misspelledemail, this story begins withWanda, who texted a number that she thought was hergrandson, inviting him to Thanksgivingdinner.
And the textread, Thanksgiving dinner is at my house on November 24 at3pm.
Let me know if you'recoming.
Hope to see youall. Ofcourse, that includesAmanda.
Now it turns out she didn't text hergrandson.
Turns out the text went to someone namedJamal, a completestranger.
Now Jamal received the text and waslike, what isthis?
He had no idea why he was on a text chain about Thanksgiving with these randompeople.
And he had no idea who Amandawas.
At the time Jamal was just a 17 year old high school student and here he is sitting in class when he gets this text message from astranger.
What does hedo? He doesn't deleteit.
He writesback. Who isthis?
Wandareplies, yourgrandma.
So Jamal textedback,grandma.
Can I have apicture? Wandasays, ofwho?
Jamal saysyou,LOL. So this is where it starts to getreal.
Because Wanda sends herpicture.
And so I want you to imagine she's a really prettywoman.
Bigsmile, grayishhair.
She looks like an awesomegrandma.
And Jamal sends his photoback.
And he looks like a high schoolathlete.
Bigsmile. It'sawesome.
And then he writes below hispicture.
You're not mygrandma. With the shocked face emoji and the laughingemoji.
But then headds, and I lovethis.
Can it still get a platethough?
And Wanda does not miss abeat.
Shetexts, ofcourse. That's what grandma'sdo.
They feedeveryone. Talk about an unexpectedconnection.
Just likeJuliette, Wanda leaned in and so didJamal.
And guesswhat? Jamal ended up coming to Thanksgiving dinner with Wanda'sfamily.
Now can you imagine the conversation Wanda had with her family about how she invited a total stranger to Thanksgiving because she texted the wrongperson?
And can you imagine how nervous Jamalwas?
Knock,knock, knock in on the door of a total stranger forThanksgiving?
Infact, I bet it was a bit awkward foreveryone.
But remember what the researchproves.
It goes so much better than youexpect.
And it suredid. It alwaysdoes.
See, Wanda and her husband Lonnie were instant friends withJamal.
And eventually Jamal and his girlfriend began going on regular double dates with Wanda andLonnie.
They posted online about this unexpectedThanksgiving, Texcon wrongconnection.
And it went soviral. You maybe are now starting togo, I think I rememberthis.
And why does it goviral?
Because you andI, we love the story of how an unexpected stranger can become a very close friend and getthis.
Andthen,Lonnie,Jamal, hisgirlfriend,Makayla, along with Wanda and Lonnie'sfamily, go on to spend four straight years of Thanksgivingtogether.
And every year they post about it online with new selfies and every year it goesviral.
And then2020.Lonnie, Wanda's husband passedaway.
And that absolutely meant that things would be different at the dinner table atThanksgiving.
But that unexpected connection that Wanda and Jamal shared was even stronger than nextyear.
They had a picture of Lonnie at the table and carried on with the tradition of having Thanksgivingdinner.
And this past year marked the eighth Thanksgiving that Jamal and Wanda spenttogether.
I think this connection is soinspiring.
They share a Thanksgiving selfie every single year and the world lovesit.
Infact, if you're listening tothis, go to YouTube and you can watch this episode and see all the photos and all thepictures.
It's really freakingcool.
And we edited it all into the video version of thepodcast.
But just stop and think about why this heartwarmingstory, about the unexpected friendship between Jamal and Wanda has struck a chord around theworld.
I think it shows how much we all craveconnection.
How we would all love to be welcomed with open arms likefamily.
Their story shows how you and I are wired to be withpeople, to givelove, to sharelove, and to open your arms and open the door and share your life with otherpeople.
But what I really love about their story is that it proves that you can findconnection.
You just have to be open toit.
You have to leanin. You have to gofirst.
The connections you make will enrich your life and make your life moreexciting,adventurous,satisfying, andmeaningful.
Because it istrue. Some of the most favorite people that you will meet in your lifetime are people you haven't metyet.
And the only thing that's keeping you from meeting them is goingfirst.
And one morething, in case no one else tells youtoday, I wanted to be darn sure I told you that I love you and I believe inyou.
And I believe in your ability to create a more meaningfullife.
Now go doit. I'll talk to you in a fewdays.
Thank you again to our exclusive insurance partnerAmika.
I am so proud to share the story aboutCheryl, the Amika representative who took just a few minutes of her time to write Al a card and then give him a quickcall.
Her kindness and compassion turned around a really lonely and sad time of year for him and left him feeling valued and seen and caredfor, like he mattered because hedoes.
See, it's thosesmall, unexpected gestures that turn strangers into unexpectedfriends.
And this is the kind of service that Amika is committed to delivering to their customers just like you and they understand the value of taking the time to get to know their customers and learning about their individualneeds.
Amika's representatives take a consultative approach to insurance to help provide you with a peace ofmind.
They focus on ensuring that customers have the right coverage and can be confident that they are prepared for whatever comes theirway.
Infact,98% of customers stay with Amika year after year because of their award-winning customerservice.
No surprisethere. In an increasingly automatedworld, Amika believes in the power of human connection and having real caring people there to help you and so doI.
So I want to thank them for doing this so that you and I could have all this timetogether.
Please visit Amika.comtoday.
As they say atAmika, empathy is our bestpolicy.
Noreally, I want you to just stop and think about this for a minute withme.
Can we do that one moretime?
Okay, I'll start it from thetop.
Let me go back up justokay, let me just end the very first story or here wego.
Wait, I'm notokay. Let me see if I can riff this one moretime.
How to create unexpected connections that will proveto,okay, hold on asecond.
What was kind of the last thing that I was saying that wasgood?
It waslike,Amy, did I deliverthat?
Perfect.Okay,great.Great.
I literally am going to walkher.
Hi,hi,hi,hi.Oh,hey, what'sup?
Can you call thepolice?
We need a restraining order on by11.
Oh, and one morething. Andno, this is not ablooper.
This is the legallanguage.
You know what the lawyer's right and what I need to read toyou.
This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainmentpurposes.
I'm just yourfriend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of aphysician, professionalcoach, psychotherapist or other qualifiedprofessional.
Gotit?Good. I'll see you in the nextepisode.
