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Welcome to the A to Z English Podcast.
My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host, Sochel.
And today we have an interesting topic for you and Sochel, I'm going to let you introduce the topic today.
Today we're going to talk about societal pressures and expectations kind of in this upcoming generation, which includes, you know, people my age and younger.
And we're going to talk about how I maybe don't want to have kids.
Yeah, so I don't know what to say about that except I guess I've gotten to an age finally where, you know, once people know, like they ask me, hold I am and once they know, you know, they sometimes ask, do I want to have kids or am I thinking about having kids?
And the answer is kind of no.
I mean, whenever I hear screaming children, it just dries up.
It dries my uterus right up Jack to the size of something.
I just I hate. I can't really stand the shrill shrieking of joyous children.
I just kidding. But it is it is really hard.
And I just see it as so much responsibility.
I admire people who are parents.
Of course, I know it's really hard.
But I just see it as so much responsibility.
And it kind of makes me feel like you just never know where things are going to go.
Like a lot of things are kind of out of your control when you have kids.
And it's scary because I I guess I must go to the darkest, you know, recess of my mind and think, you know, what if someone murdered my kids or you know, what my kids murdered someone?
And you know, and not just that, it's like every decision that you make for the rest of your life will revolve around your kids.
And even when your kids are adults, you're going to worry about them every single day.
And you're going to like put your energy into them.
They'll never stop being your kids, you know.
Oh, I know exactly what you mean.
It's but can I go back and back a little bit?
Oh, yeah, Jack, are you offended when people ask you that question?
I don't really care. But I know some people, some people do get offended.
And I think that's the right because it's kind of like it's not really anyone's business, you know.
Yeah, it's kind of an inappropriate question.
In some ways, I feel like it's kind of a crazy question because it's like if I wanted kids and could have kids, wouldn't I have them right now?
And if I didn't want kids, then why are you asking me?
And like, there's just a word if I want kids and couldn't have them, like then we're just about to open a really uncomfortable can of worms, especially if you don't know me super well.
Like what if you ask me that and I have on my like fifth round of IVF and we know it's not going to work anymore.
And I'm like, I start sobbing my eyes out and you just ask me, you know, if I want to have kids, you know what I mean?
Like it's just why I don't get why people ask that.
And I can see like if I wanted kids and I had issues conceiving, I would probably be really, I could easily be hurt.
And I can see why people would be, you know, it's a weird question, dad.
Yeah, it seems like a kind of a dangerous area to ask questions about, you know, because it's so personal.
And also, you know, do you feel like you've, do you feel obligated to explain yourself after when you say no?
Like because I feel like just saying no should be enough, you know, but I feel like you feel like you have to qualify that with like an explanation.
And that's I think the crux of today's topic, right?
Is the this kind of idea that like you have to have kids.
Like it's like it's just and I'm I'm I'm my we were talking about this before the podcast before we started recording.
And I told you I mentioned to my daughter, I said, you know, well, I think I told her don't have any kids or something like that, but that's a little harsh, you know, like I mean, of course, if she wants to have kids, I hope she has kids and I would love to be a grand a grand dad.
But because then you just get to do all the fun stuff, but none of the hard work.
Um, right, you get a spoil or kids rotten and she has to discipline them.
Exactly. That's I'm looking forward to that.
Actually, that's that's that's kind of the reward for going through parenting is you get to then you get to be a grandparent.
But um, the, uh, but I just feel like like more and more people in your age group are are choosing not to have kids and choose you not to get married.
Um, especially women, you know, are are just going into the workforce, focusing on their jobs and their careers and um, realize that having a kid is also a full-time job by itself.
Um, and I know because I've gone through it.
Um, my daughter and we're coming out of we're kind of coming out of it on the other end a little bit because my daughter is now 15, I'm almost 16 so she's basically like a little adult and you know, all the annoying stuff is is done.
You know, I mean, it's lovely when they're they're a little in cute, but sometimes it can be like exhausting.
You know, I just uh, remember my daughter crying uncontrollably for no reason in about two in the morning and I'm just beside myself and you know, lying on the floor on her bed bedroom or in her bedroom, holding her hand, saying, you know, will you go to sleep if I hold your hand and then she said, yes, okay.
And so I'm holding her hand and then she finally falls asleep and then I fall asleep and I wake up on this hardwood floor and um, not well rested the next day and you know, it's just it's it's tough.
Like I just think like having kids going into it without like thinking about it really and really knowing that you want to be a parent.
I think some people just jump into it too too quickly.
I don't know. Do you think?
Yeah, I totally agree with you.
I think actually some of the most responsible people are like, end up not having kids because they just know I'm not trying to knock anyone who's who's had kids.
I'm sure a lot of people are responsible parents, but I'm just saying that a lot of people who would be responsible parents also just don't end up having kids because they think about everything that has to go into raising a child, you know, it's like a lot of effort, a lot of money, a lot of time, a lot of sacrifices.
And um, I think one of the most common arguments now for for children is or for people who don't want to have children is like, oh, you're selfish.
And it's like, I mean, I think it's more selfish to bring a child in the world when you're not fully prepared to take care of that child.
Right. Being neglectful, not, you know, still trying to live your selfish life because you have to, once you have a kid, you've geared, it's done.
It's not life is no longer about you.
So, you know, I know some people that have kids and they still want to live like they don't have kids.
And what happens is either one of the spouses, the husband or the wife ends up, you know, doing most of the heavy lifting, most of the work.
And then resentment grows and then divorce happens and those kinds of things.
And that's like you said, way more selfish than just deciding not to have kids.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree.
And I just, you know, I just can't, I just can't, I just can't, I noticed a lot less people in my generation are having kids.
In fact, the next door neighbor here at my aunt's house, she just went to Spain on a girls trip.
She's like, she's a doctor and her mom came over to take care of her cats.
And my aunt went over there.
And to pick something up, I think.
And the lady told her the mom of this doctor was like, it's funny.
We used to take care of my parents generation used to take care of their grandkids.
And now I'm taking care of my grand pets, you know.
And that's so true. A lot of people are just opting to have pets and not have children because all the responsibility you can't really leave a young kid alone for that long to go on a summer trip or, you know, just so many factors that make it impossibly hard, especially in today's economy, to have and raise a child.
I think you hit on a big point there.
The economic factor is huge.
The societal pressure for women that have children is very strong, right?
Because we just talked about that people will just randomly ask you, if you're, you know, why don't you have kids?
But what they, what people forget is that like, women are discriminated against in the workforce for taking pregnancy leave.
You know, I don't want to hire a woman who's at that age of around the age that a person would have children because she's going to have to leave for three months or six months or whatever.
There's no free daycare.
You have to pay for daycare.
It's very expensive. Yes.
And you are raising in for the economy, you're providing another future worker.
And you, but you get no benefits or respect for that.
All you get is the pressure to have the kid, but none of the help on the other end.
And so that's what kind of makes me angry about the system is that it's very much designed to encourage women to have children make more workers, but we're not going to, we're not going to consider that a job, but we're not going to consider that worthy of any benefits.
You just do that on your own.
And you work a full-time job because these days, both parents need to work just to make ends meet.
So economically, it just doesn't make sense to even have kids.
And I think that a lot of people are opting out of the, of having kids and even families because they're like, well, the system is rigged.
It's not fair. It doesn't value the children, the, the, the, the people that raise the children and the women that, that, that create the children.
So I'm, I'm very much, you know, if the system changed, that maybe my attitude would change a little bit, but under the current model, I just feel like I totally respect that decision for when, when people say I don't want to have kids.
I'm like, good for you. Like, I think, I think that's a strong choice.
It's a hard one to make, but it makes a lot of sense to me.
I'm curious about when you told your daughter, like, don't have kids.
You, you want to expand on that a little bit more?
I'm kind of curious about that.
Yeah. I want her to, I want her to find her happiness.
You know, I don't want her to feel like she has to put her dreams on the back burner, just because of some like societal norm, you know, like, oh, you're still dancing ballet.
If she's still dancing ballet at 30 and her career is going well, you don't have to sidetrack yourself to, you know, start a family just because society tells you to.
If you, if she wants to, then I totally support it.
But I'm not going to be one of the parents that's like every time I see her at Christmas, you know, start bothering her and nagging her about, you know, when are you going to, when am I going to get some grandkids?
Like, I'll never do that, you know?
So that was more of where I was coming from when I said, don't have kids.
I didn't really mean don't have kids.
I just said, have kids when you want to have kids.
And if you don't, it's totally okay.
I'm curious about why that or how that conversation came up.
I can't remember. I don't, I don't remember where it might have just been an off the cuff thing that I said to her one day, we're just, you know, we're sometimes, I, you know, she's a teenager.
She doesn't like having deep conversations with her dad, you know, or mom.
It's, everything's uncomfortable, right?
When you're, I think I was driving her to, I was driving her to ballet.
And I think it just, I just, it kind of hit me in that moment.
I'm like, I've got 10 minutes to kind of, she can't run away from me, you know, she has to listen to her.
So I just gave her a little lecture right there.
And it wasn't a lecture.
It was just, I was trying to be thoughtful about it.
But I was just, you know, I just want her to know that, that it's okay, you know, it's just to focus on you and your career and be a strong woman.
And, and you know, it's, it's like there's a lot of pushback on that these days.
Women are supposed to be this and men are supposed to be that.
And I just think that I'm, I feel like some of those foundations are starting to crumble a little bit.
And maybe that's why there's a resurgence, like a resurgence of this like idea that women need to be traditional and and and and but I just rejected a fully.
I don't believe in that.
I want to, I want to raise a strong independent woman that doesn't need any man to take care of her doesn't need to be a mother if she doesn't want to.
I don't want her to feel any pressure to be anything other than what she wants to be.
I think that's admirable.
Yeah. My mom is the same way.
She, she got married young.
She got married at 24. And she told us don't get married young.
I always told us that. And I, I guess we ended up taking it to heart.
My sister always wanted to get married young, but now she's 30 and she's not married.
And I'm also not married.
And I don't want to or plan to get married soon.
Though people have started asking me.
Yeah. Yeah. The older generation, the boomers, right?
Always asking. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not too interested in getting married right away because I just, it takes a long time.
And when you get married, you're picking someone that you're going to be tied to for the rest of your life.
So you want to make that decision wisely.
Yeah. Yeah. I was 30. So I waited until I knew, you know, when I met my wife, I kind of had had an idea like an English, we say an inkling, a little bit of an idea that, you know, we're going to end up together forever.
I knew it. But we waited, you know, we waited a year and a half or so updating before we decided to get married.
And but, but, you know, just because it worked out really well in my case, it's not, it doesn't mean that doesn't necessarily apply to everybody, you know, everyone's unique.
And so I think some people feel like that, you know, they're looking at their watch and they're like, Oh, tick tock.
I got a hurry up and get married.
And they just kind of go with somebody that they're not fully, um, yeah.
I don't know. There might be like red flags or there might be just, just certain things that maybe you're not, you're not sure about.
And if you're not sure, don't, if you hesitate, don't do it because once you do, you're, you're in it, you know, and it's, uh, and once you have kids, you're forever linked to that person, regardless of whether you stay married or not.
So it's, uh, it's, it's a decision not to be taken lightly.
It's, it's, I think it's a very serious decision.
Yeah. Yeah, I definitely agree.
Yeah, I'm curious what our, our viewers think, whether they, you know, whether they want to have kids, whether they feel the pressure to have kids and their culture, whether they feel pressure to get married, whether they got married young under pressure or had kids young under pressure.
Um, and what their thoughts are about, you know, the coming generation and, and how things are different now or, you know, if you're my generation or younger, what you feel is different about us and how we're growing up versus how our parents, uh, we're at our age.
Yeah. I'm curious. So let us know, um, at a.tzEnglishpodcast.com, leave us a comment down below, a shoot us an email at a.tzEnglishpodcast at gmail.com and make sure to join the WeChat and WhatsApp group to talk to Jack and I.
And if you guys are interested, make sure to join our English corner.
That's where you can talk to Jack and I Monday through Friday, um, for an hour.
And, uh, there are a lot of, uh, members in our English corner now and we discuss things just like this topic and other interesting and fun topics and it's really cool.
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Bye-bye.
