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My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host Sochil and today we have a topic talk and sochil today's topic is a littlescandalous.
The questionis, can cheating in a romantic relationship ever bejustified?
Should the couple try to work through it or is the trust permanentlybroken?
I really don't think it's everjustified.
I personally have nevercheated.
So I don'tunderstand. It's a decisiontoo.
I hate when people say that it's amistake.
I don't think it's amistake.
It's a choice that people activelymade.
Right. And you have to live with the consequences of thatchoice.
And I think like if you do want to try to work throughit, then the person who cheated needs to be willing to really put in the majority of thework.
And needs to be willing to see that they're going to be pretty bigconsequences.
That person is not going to trustyou.
For a good longwhile. I think that's perfectly acceptable and absolutelynormal.
It'd be kind of weird if they suddenly did trustyou.
Yeah.Again, I didgood.
Oh,sorry. I really hate it when when cheaters say somethinglike,well, you weren't paying attention to me or you weren't being attentive as apartner.
And so I started looking in other places to get my needs met orwhatever.
And that's sort ofnonsense.
I think this is one of those rare occasions where it's like 100zero.
It's100% the cheatersfault.
And they have to take full responsibility for theiractions.
I don't think there can be any hemming and hawing aboutit.
I think it's such a red flag when a cheater starts trying to push the blame onto his or her partner for making me dothat.
It reminds me of domestic violence where the domestic abuser tries toblame.
I didn't want to hityou, but you make me soangry.
That's justnonsense. That's just garbagelogic.
I'll go step further here and say that cheating is definitely a form of abuse because you have to be lying to cheat and lying is emotional abuse bydefinition.
So,yeah, in some ways you're gaslighting yourpartner, you're hiding information fromthem, you're lying tothem, you're invalidating them constantly because you're trying to make them think that they're crazy when you're cheating so that they don't hold you accountable for your actions and you're blaming them and and chainingthem.
And itjust, it's toxic and it is abusive in in the context and Iyeah, I justreally, really am againstcheating.
Yeah, I like how you saidthat.
It's a form of emotional abuse forsure.
Andalso, I think that like commitmentrequires,again, I there are a few times in life where I think it's like a zerosum, zero sum meaning like it's a hundred percentzero.
Either you're committed to your partner or you'renot.
And if you'realways, if you're with yourpartner, but you've always got like one eye kind of looking around for somethingbetter,something, it's kindof, I just really hate that kind ofbehavior.
It reminds me oflike, it happens in friendships as well where it'slike, youknow,Jack, you're good enough to hang out with at thisparty, but I'm going to keep my eye open looking around the room for maybe somebody a little bit moreinteresting, a little bit cooler that I can go talkto.
So you're good enough in themoment, but you'renot, you're not really goodenough.
And that's a real self-esteemkiller, Ithink.
Yeah, he is a self-esteemkiller.
And then ultimatelythough,like, like dealing with cheaters and talking tothem, I don't think it's anything about theirpartner.
Notbeing,obviously, it's not about their partner not being goodenough, but I don't even think it's about them thinking their partner isn't goodenough.
It's like they just have this black hole in their heart and mind and they need like constant validation and attention from otherpeople.
And most of the time they can't handle likecritique, like if something starts going wrong in arelationship, instead of facing up to their responsibility in whatever is going on or talking out with theirpartner, they can't face criticism or face issues when things getreal.
So they would rather just find a way to like escape in a sense and source their validation from someoneelse.
It's almost like they're willingto, if they don't get what they wantcompletely, they're going to blowit, they're going to blow the whole thingup, youknow?
And that is like the most childish kind of toddlerbehavior.
Like,see,ultimate, I'm taking my ball and goinghome, kind ofbehavior.
Right. Andyeah. And it's soimmature.
So, youknow, I thinkultimately, the second part of that questionwas, should the couple try to work throughit?
Youknow, I honestly don'tthink, I don't thinkit's, I don't think you can come back from that to behonest.
At least I know thatpersonally, I personally cannot come back fromthat.
Cheating isa, is a deal breakerin, inmy, forme.
So if I were ina, youknow, justhypothetically, Imean, I'mmarried.
I've been married for 17years, happilymarried.
But if I'm just thinking hypothetically in like a dating situation orsomething, if that happened tome, I would just cut my lossesand,and,and, andfind, find a newpartner.
Like,that's, that's ultimately where I kind of land onit.
What aboutyou? I think thatI, thatI, how do I saythis?
I think that people who stay and try to work throughit, like alot, a lot of times they get almost worse judgment than thecheater, like people calling them stupid andstuff.
And I think that's so mean because they're already like a victim of this horriblesituation.
And theylike, they'rereally, I don'tknow, forgivingpeople, Ithink.
But at the sametime,I,I, I do think you can't come back fromit.
Even if you choose to try to work things out and try to come back from it orwhatever, I personallythink,um, it's like you can't like you will always remember when they cheated onyou.
And it'll only affect your self esteem and you're only going to be wondering like where they are and what they'redoing.
And you're going to start behaving like a person that you don'trecognize.
Sometimes Ithink,yeah, you're going to turn it to somebody you don't want to be likethe,that, that kind ofparanoid,um, looking underevery, every rockfor, for some kind of evidence andit, it just consumesyour, your life andyou're, you're not really living at thatpoint.
You're,you're, you're more consumed withthis, this relationshipand,uh, nobody deservesto, to have to live likethat.
No, no one should have to live likethat.
Um, soyeah, Ithink,yeah, Imean, I think it's cool to cut yourlosses.
It's something that it's like cheating is very common in Mexicanculture.
Like,men, especially cheating onwomen.
I think there'sa, I think there's also a wholesexist,um, level to cheating where like inmarriages, it's more common for men to cheat because of the way that society is and to get away with it or like for it to be acceptableanyway,um, tosome, the boys will be boys kind ofmentality.
Yes. And men will be men kind ofmentality.
But I thinkthat's, I feel like that's true in at least every culture that I'm familiar with to someextent, youknow,um,and,uh, Idon't, I definitely understand whypeople, especially people who already have kids or who arelike, have been married for a longtime, why they would like want to try to work throughit.
Like I definitelyunderstand.
Yeah.Um, that'strue.Yeah.
Yeah. But at the sametime,like, if anyone is ever in asituation, I would say don't like just don't just cut yourlosses.
You'll, you'll only regret investing more time in fixing things than just moving on to a new relationship where you could have all the trust and respect that you should have had from the start and deserved in someone else that will respect you and care about youand,um, be a reliable person that you can actuallytrust.
Yeah.And,and, and cheating when you have kids isreally,um, anew,just,um,uh,low,yeah, like a newlow, like that's about as low as you can go because Imean,you're,the, the psychic damage that youcan, thatit, that infidelity causeschildren,um,is, it has a ripple effect that that willgo, will last throughout their lives aswell.
So your selfish act is actually affecting your children's lives and their happiness and their futurerelationships.
So even fromthat, from that point ofview, it's almost justinexcusable.
Yeah. And it'salso, it's traumatic to be cheatedon.
Like, I know that a lot of people might belike,oh, that's an overreaction orwhatever, but it'snot.
Literallylike,it's, it'straumatizing.
It's someone that you're supposed to love and trust and all of this and the person that you're supposed to believe the mostin, like when you're in a committedrelationship, just therose, all of that trust and belief in the trash and sacrifices yourself a steam and yourself worth and everything that you've poured into therelationship, just to cheat onyou, it is verytraumatizing.
And so it's like someone can be so selfish that they don'teven, don't even think about how it's going to affect others like rather than just breaking up or going their separate ways orsomething, they'd rather put you in such a painful situation as just aselfish,uh,turd.
Yeah, like whata, what aturd,man.
It's justthat, youknow, so it'slike, I don'tknow.
So I think forme,yeah, Imean,sure, you can get past it and all ofthis, but it's reallylow.
I remember there wasa, I don't know if you have you ever seen the tryguys, they're like a YouTube group offour.
Oh,yeah. I'm familiar with that YouTubechannel.
Yeah.Well, there was a guy named Ned init.
Um, andyeah, the scandal a couple of yearsago, I remember thisone.
Yes. He would only talk about hiswife.
Like he loved his wife and he'd always talk about his wife all the time on theshow.
And he was known as the wife guy of the tryguys.
And I really liked Ned and Ariel'srelationship.
And I waslike,oh, I hope I find someonewho, who loves me that much someday and who I lovethem, I'd send trustthem.
And I waslike, they seem like really happy andeverything.
And then he was cheating on Ariel with acoworker.
And she has like two kids byhim.
And he publicly cheated on her like the way that she found out is like some fans saw him with this othergirl, like dancing at a club and posted pictures of it onReddit.
Yeah. And like that's how she foundout.
I'm like the level of horribleness and like selfishness andeverything.
Like how low can yoube?Yeah,yeah, justa,a, aworm, youknow, just acrawler, youknow.
Um, and then theyare, they stayed togetheranyway.
I believe in and trying to work itout.
And I justlike, I feel bad for Ariel because Imean, it ultimately has hurtchoice.
So I shouldn'tsay,oh, I feel bad forher.
But like what did youmean?
It's like when you cheated on in such a public context and then you have a kid thaneverything.
And I just feel like she can do so much better than this worthless worm of aman, youknow?
Yeah.Yeah. Someone that's willing to just to just blow the foundations out from underyour, yourmarriage, yourrelationship.
Um,it, whatever compels a person to do that is there'sa, it'spathological, youknow,it's,it's,it,it, it defieslogic.
I just can't wrap my mind around italmost, youknow.
Yeah. Whatwould, what would compel someone tojust,um, I guess maybean, and the fact that what made it worse is thathe, youknow, he wasthe, the marriageguy, youknow, so Iknow, only talking about hiswife, JohnMulaney, who's a famous comedian also did like something very similarapparently.
Um, it's justtrash.Like, youknow, thinking about these men that are like always parading around about their wives and everything and the whole time they're just like these wormcheaters.
Like itreally, it really shook me when I found out thatnews.
I waslike,ew, what a nastyturd.
And a lotof, a lot of times the excuseis,um,the, the reason they giveis,uh, because Ican, whichthat, that is so dark tome, that kind ofthinking, youknow,is, I could kill him rightnow.
Sorry. That's a little much of thepodcast.
I couldbe, I could like push someone off a cliff and figuratively if I wantedto, but like you don't do it because you're a human being and you'relike, youdon't, why would you do something likethat?
It's so dark to think like there's no limit kindof,okay,this, this is one thingthat, that one of the reasons that I think you shouldn't stay with thecheater, like one of the big things is that I watched a lot of true crime and almost every man who's murdered his like pregnant wife or wife or whatever was a cheaterfirst.
Yeah. They cheated first and they werecheating.
They hadlike, there's either lots of instances of cheating in their relationship like Lacey Peterson with ScottPeterson, like Scott Peterson cheated on her multiple times before he killedher.
ChrisWatts.Yeah. Watts wascheating.
Yep.Yeah. All these like family annihilators and it's just nastylike, they were cheatersalso.
And that really makes you think aboutit.
Like when you said it gets dark like because Ican.
It'slike,yeah, because they canlike,yeah, there's no limit to how far they'llgo.
Like sometimes it's a slippery slope and someone who's willing to cheat on you andlike, why do you and betray you in that way and put your health at risk in many instances that if physical health and emotionalhealth, how far are they really truly willing togo?
You haveno, sometimes they're willing to go so far to cover up their their indiscretions that they'll commitmurder, youknow?
Now this is obviously that's a very smalladvantage.
And butyeah, it's but still pretty much all these family annihilators werecheaters.
Soyeah, think aboutthat.
Well, there wego. Allright,listeners.
Well, let us know what you think about cheating in thecomments.
I'm definitely curious toknow.
Do you think that cheating is everjustifiable?
Do you have a dark black and white thinking like Jack and I have aboutcheating?
Yeah, let us know in thecomments.
We're very interested toknow.
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