It's a cold November, with only a thin scattering of snow, and the grey skies have reflected my own existence lately.
The beginning of my pregnancy has left me absolutely exhausted and, after being a bit frustrated about the sudden turtle pace of my life, I decided that that attitude wasn't serving me.
Instead, I decided to accept how I feel and find joy in this new slowness and see what it can teach me.
I've always considered myself a bit of a slow-going person.
When things get rushed and chaotic, I get all frazzled, a bit like a little field mouse in a rainstorm.
The way I've made peace with this natural disposition has been to accept a rhythm of living that is far from the fast lane as possible.
Oh.
I remember years ago describing myself as always and forever tired.
I realize now that I wasn't really tired, I just wasn't living the way that suited me best.
It's hard to have energy when you get yours from a different source than someone else might.
A bird might feed on seeds to grow while a plant takes in the sun, and yet they both thrive when their needs are met, but they are slightly different.
Thank you.
I needed to cultivate within the pace I was yearning for, and for the last two weeks I've been trying to stay true to that and focus on being only as productive as my body allows.
I baked a Thanksgiving treat for my in-laws, decorated the house for the festive season and started to declutter a bit in preparation for the baby in the new year.
Just doing these things while still working has sucked up all my energy, and I've spent so much time in bed.
It's been a humbling experience, to be sure.
I've spent the last several years learning how to slow down my thoughts, my movements.
Adjusting my entire lifestyle to remind me just because you can't match the pace of someone else doesn't mean you're too slow.
It means you're listening to the beat of a different song.
One that, in my case, has been whispering to my soul from the very day I was born.
Slow down.
Look.
Listen.
Rest.
And that couldn't be more true than it is now.
The art of resting.
Actually resting, in my experience, isn't about doing something mindless to make the day pass by.
It's about leaning into the awareness of time, stretching it out to make it serve you better and to honor your energy, your body and listen.
Digging into the parts of myself that house pain and insecurities.
Bringing those things to the surface with gentle words and giving them the care they have longed for also helped me feel that much more at peace with my pace of life.
Every time you let go a little more of anything that's holding you back, you feel lighter, more rested, more whole.
That is quality rest.
It's not always easy, but it teaches you how to surrender.
You're not always the one in control, and I think there's freedom in that acceptance.
Hello, everyone.
As you may know from my updates recently on Instagram and here, I have slowed down drastically between doctor's appointments and morning sickness and everything else in between.
I have just had the hardest time staying at the same productivity I did before.
My cat just laid down and put her paw on my hand.
Do you wanna hold hands?
Okay, I'm okay with that.
Feels like everything in my life has slowed down so much as physically, i've had to.
So i appreciate your understanding.
I am perfectly fine.
I do find myself, you know, being a bit more emotional, but that's understandable considering everything going on.
But i'm trying to accept it with grace and flow with it and know that it all will lead to good things.
I don't know about you, but I definitely felt that I was raised in a world where working really hard and being extremely productive was just crucial 24-7.
Not ever letting life get in the way of your productivity and that that was a sign of strength.
I know that definitely stems also from growing up in a military environment.
And I have come to grow and mature with that mindset and come to understand that the amount of things that you get done in a day does not dictate your worth.
And what is considered productive is such a relative term.
Of course, I do juggle several different jobs.
I am an artist.
I also make videos here, but I also work at my local bookstore.
And so all those things on a weekly basis have been a bit overwhelming lately, with just having a hard time just keeping food in my stomach and just dreaming of sleep and wanting to sleep 10 hours a day.
It's amazing.
Thankfully, I think my animals intuitively have understood that something has shifted and changed, because they also have been honoring that slowness lately, especially my cat who just loves the heat of the fireplace and she just can cozy up here with me practically all day.
A reminder to all of you that I know, depending on life circumstances, myself included, we cannot always afford to slow down.
But when those opportunities come, I think that if we are in a habit of rushing all the time, it's really hard to really embrace the art of truly resting.
With that being said, I wanted to share with you all a story that I wrote in October, and I had this huge, grand plan to make an entire short film showcasing this story.
Life circumstances and a very, very tiny human changed a lot for me, so i ended up not making that short film and i am sad that i could not do it, but i also am accepting that it just wasn't possible under the circumstances and anyhow, i decided that i would share it with you today and i would just read the story.
I will go get it off my bookshelf now because i wrote it down.
So I have a little story scribbled down between the pages of this book and I wanted to share it with you today.
The valley in October bursts with so much color and beauty, and it inspired this legend of the fox and the fairy child.
And I hope you enjoy it.
It is a simple story, but hopefully one that speaks to many.
Today I wanted to tell you a story.
It is not a grand story full of dragons and knights and dangerous quests.
It does involve losing something very important, but not in the way you may think.
It tells of a grand journey, but not the type that takes you to the far reaches of the world.
This is the story of a little girl with wild hair that ever resisted the taming of a brush.
She lived with her family in a cabin with a mossy roof and a crooked chimney.
She was very loved.
But like many thoughtful children, she sometimes felt alone and preferred the company of her imaginary friends and the fairies that lived in the wilderness nearby.
One day in late October, when the world was cast in amber and gold, she wandered down a path into the deepest part of the wood.
She stopped at the remains of a great and ancient oak and knelt there and whispered kind things to the tree.
Then she took some amber and mud and formed a little figure of a fox.
A friendly fox, she decided, one that would be her new best friend.
She left the figure at the base of the tree and went home.
The next morning she returned and was surprised to find a beautiful red fox kit asleep beneath the gnarled roots.
It did not run from her.
Instead, it approached and gently nuzzled her palm.
The girl was immediately enchanted and spent the entire day with the fox.
They would play hide and seek, splash in the nearby pond, and watch the clouds on bare hillsides.
Soon, the fox and child became inseparable.
Eventually, when the first blizzard of winter came, the girl was not able to go to the tree.
The fox, ever patient, snuggled under the roots once again and waited for her.
The girl would return in the spring, only to find the fox under the influence of a magical sleep, overgrown with moss and vines.
It was not until autumn came once again that it finally awoke and waited for the girl.
So pleased to be reunited, once again they spent every day together until the winter returned.
This continued year after year, and though the girl grew older, the fox did not.
As her own life became more complicated, she found that sometimes she was not able to go and visit the fox.
Sometimes the girl wouldn't visit for a day or two.
Sometimes a week.
Sometimes a month.
And then, one October, after many seasons of shared memories, the girl did not come and visit the fox at all.
The fox waited each day by the base of the old tree, but she never arrived.
It could not be sure what kept her away, but assumed that now that she was older she must have left to seek her fortune and do more important things.
So it was happy for her and slept.
Each October it woke and waited, and each season the girl did not appear.
The fox could not be sure how many years passed.
It did not keep track of such human things, but it did think that it had spent much more time sleeping now than it used to.
It dreamed of the little girl and longed for the day it would see her again.
And one particularly beautiful autumn, it did.
She was no longer a child.
In fact, she was now a stooped old woman who walked slowly and with great care.
But her hair was still long and worn loose and wild, and so the fox immediately recognized her.
It nuzzled her palm, as it did when they had first met, and they held each other for a long time, lost in the bliss of being reunited after a long absence.
The old woman shed many tears as she held the fox.
"'I am sorry I have not come to visit for so long,'
I think without even realizing, I lost something.
I couldn't find the right path through the forest.
I was preoccupied with my own troubles and it made the wilderness look unfamiliar.
So I gave up trying to find you.
I'm sorry.
The fox curled up in her lap and made happy sounds.
The woman caressed its vibrant coat.
It was so easy to find the path now.
I'm not sure what changed, but I'm glad it did.
I've been quite lonely and desperately wanted to come home."
The fox placed his soft head in her hands and she whispered some words into its ear.
She then stood up, quite erect and strong, like a woman much younger than herself, and removed her shoes and socks, relieved at the feel of the cool moss beneath her toes.
She took several confident steps, guided by the fox.
Together they walked through the woods and were soon enveloped by the mist and falling leaves.
Legend has it that if you walk through a forest in autumn, at dawn or dusk, when the light is soft and the air is crisp, you may see a little fox playing beneath the branches of a pine.
A barefoot girl with wild hair is sure to be near, laughing and singing with a gentle voice that could easily be mistaken for a passing breeze.
If you pause and listen, you may remember that there is something you too have lost on your journey, and it may be waiting for you in the woods.
And that is the story of the fox and the fairy child.
I hope you enjoyed that.
It's definitely a story that was very special to me.
Definitely inspired by just the gorgeous autumn we've had over here.
It is a good reminder to me to listen to my inner child and stay true to that essence of what makes me who I am.
Sending you so much love.
Thank you for so much support of this channel.
My work as an artist on my Etsy shop, it means the world.
And I appreciate your understanding as I go through these enormous changes in my life.
And that I know will affect this channel in some ways, but I am doing my very best to make videos at the pace I'm able.
And thank you so much for being here.
I'm sending you a huge hug and so much love.
Goodbye.
