Hello! Welcome to Stories Podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Weldon.
Today's story is a throwback episode. one of our classic stories from the archive that you might have missed the first time around.
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Thanks! Enjoy the episode! The Princess and the Pea Once upon a time there was a lonely prince.
He lived in a lonely room, in a lonely castle, on a lonely cliff that overlooked a lonely kingdom.
You may think that's an awful lot of lonely, and safe to say, the prince would surely agree with you.
He hadn't always been so lonely. When he was a boy, His father, the king, would take him hunting and fishing and riding and all sorts of exciting things.
They would leave before the sun showed her face on the horizon and stay out until it set below the cliffs.
Just having adventures and meeting interesting people.
His mother, the queen, would sometimes come along, but she never much liked hunting or fishing or riding.
She didn't like adventure either, come to think of it.
And people? Definitely not. They gave her a headache, especially the interesting ones.
Now, none of that is to say she wasn't a good person, because she was.
She loved her husband and loved her son, and...
Well, she felt that her life was plenty full of love with just the two of them, thank you very much.
So, one winter, when the king got sick while hunting in the rain, The queen got so scared that she locked down the whole castle and the prince found himself suddenly and completely stuck at home.
"'No matter,' he thought to himself.' My father will be well again soon and we'll be back out adventuring in no time.
Unfortunately for the prince, things rarely work out the way we want them to.
The king didn't get better. In fact, he got much, much worse.
The doctors couldn't help him, nor could the wizards or the maesters or the clerics.
It got so bad that the people of the Lonely Kingdom started to wonder if the king was fit to rule.
The prince must needs take over, they whispered to each other in the villages and towns and markets.
The prince must marry and become the king, and soon.
When these whispers reached the castle, there were two very different reactions.
The prince thought marriage was a fine idea.
A princess to be his bride would surely make the lonely castle feel less, well, lonely.
The queen thought marriage sounded terrible.
Strange women coming around to compete for her son?
She loved her baby boy and didn't much like the idea of sharing him.
Not with a princess. Not with anyone. But a kingdom must have a king.
So as father grew sicker, the queen relented.
We will allow one princess to visit at a time, each one for a day and a night, she proclaimed.
They will be given my most royal test to prove they are worthy of my son.
If they fail, they will leave before lunch.
The prince thought that was a little harsh, but it was better than nothing, so he agreed.
The very next week, the first princess arrived at the lonely castle.
She was clad head to toe in flowing pink silks and riding upon a pink boat. painted elephant that blew lavender butterflies from its snout as it trumpeted along.
She charmed the prince during the dinner with her bright smile and her quick wit. and the prince thought himself very lucky to have found such a wonderful princess on the first try.
After dinner, they all went to bed. The queen prepared the princess's room special. with the biggest, fluffiest, most comfortable feather mattress ever seen in all the land.
It was squishy as a marshmallow and near as tall as a lamppost.
In fact, it was so tall, the princess needed a ladder just to get into it.
This seems a little high, she said as the queen stopped by to say goodnight.
Nonsense, replied the queen. Nothing but the best for you.
So the princess laid down her head and slept soundly the whole night through.
The next morning at breakfast, she asked, So when is the royal test?
The queen smiled. First, tell me how you slept last night.
I slept wonderfully. You failed the test.
Guards, get her out of the castle immediately.
So the princess was pulled from the castle and thrown on her elephant and chased out of the kingdom.
You see, the princess didn't know it, but the queen had hidden a single pea underneath the giant mattress.
One lousy, lumpy green pea. The queen told her maids that a true princess would be so delicate, even a single pea would keep them up all night.
The truth was that she wanted an impossible test so she wouldn't ever have to share her son.
But she didn't tell her maids that. She didn't tell anyone that.
Not even herself. Now for a quick ad break.
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The next day brought another princess. This one came covered in red and orange velvet like tongues of fire, riding on a camel with seven humps, each a different dazzling color of the rainbow.
She was dazzling, too, and soon dazzled the prince.
But the next morning at breakfast, the queen smiled and said, First, tell me how you slept last night.
I slept wonderfully. You failed the test!
Bards, get her out of the castle immediately!
So the princess was pulled from the castle and thrown on her camel and chased out of the kingdom.
Night after night, week after week, this same scene happened.
The prince could only watch in horror as each princess, kind and charming and bright, was thrown from the castle and onto their ostriches and alligators and hippogriffs and chased out of the kingdom.
He begged the queen to tell him what the test was, but she would only smile slyly and say, A true princess will know.
And even though the queen thought she was just pretending, She was exactly right.
A hundred nights and nearly as many princesses later, came the most humble girl they had yet seen.
She wore No bright colors, but a simple homemade dress of warm wool.
She rode no exotic animal, but a young paint pony with a braided mane.
She was a princess in title only, from a duchy far and away, one lonelier even than the prince's.
That night at dinner, she and the prince talked and smiled.
They laughed until they cried. What the princess lacked in wealth and glitz, she made up for tenfold in wit and charm.
The prince was in love like he had never been before.
He knew that if it was possible, this princess would pass the test.
Thank you. So, it was much to his dismay that the next morning, when the queen asked how she had slept, she replied, I slept wonderfully, thank you.
You failed the test. Guards, get her out of this castle immediately.
But this time, the prince yelled, Wait! Mother, there must be some mistake.
We've had a hundred knights and a hundred princesses. and she's the only one I want to be my queen.
I demand she be given that test again. The queen grumbled and mumbled and complained, but in the end, the prince got his way.
That very night, as they headed off to bed, the prince took the princess's hand and said...
I don't know what the test is, but I know you'll pass.
You're a true princess if anyone is. I'll do my best, said the princess, ever humble, but she was already thinking.
You see, this princess wasn't particularly delicate, but she was very, very smart.
So as she went to bed and climbed the ladder and tucked herself in, she thought about that morning.
The queen had asked her how she slept, but why would that make her fail a test?
Unless... The clever princess rolled out of the bed and slid down the ladder and used all her strength to lift up the edge of the great puffy marshmallow mattress.
To her delight, she saw a single, lousy, lumpy green pea resting underneath.
A pea? Smart as she was, the princess instantly understood what it meant. and what she had to do.
So the next morning when the queen asked, Tell me how you slept last night.
The princess groaned theatrically and said, Ugh, well, the truth?
Yes, the truth. Okay. Yesterday I was too embarrassed to say it, but...
Go on, go on. I've got a kink in my neck and an ache in my back, and I think that your mattress is worse than the rack.
Oh, I'm sure it wasn't bad as all that. I didn't sleep a wink.
Well, maybe. I didn't sleep a wink. Now I've got a knot in my knee and a mat in my hair and I think that your mattress is part grizzly bear oh i don't think that you're judging it fair i didn't sleep Well, perhaps I didn't sleep a wink.
Now I've got a leg that won't bend and a leg that won't straighten And I think that your mattress was designed by Satan Oh, but I think it's your imagination I didn't sleep all week Well could be I didn't sleep a wink Well alright I didn't sleep a wink Enough, enough.
You've passed the test. Okay. And so the princess proved herself true, and soon thereafter married the prince. who all agreed got the best of the bargain.
The queen was upset for a time, but soon she learned to love her new daughter.
And, if the princess always kept the secret that she was smarter than she was delicate, well...
That was probably for the best. The end.
Today's story, The Princess and the Pea, was adapted by Daniel Hines and performed by me, Amanda Weldon.
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Thanks for listening!
