Hey, everyone.
Welcome back to Podcast and Chill.
I'm Gwen.
And I'm Leo.
So, Leo, how has your week been?
Honestly, it was really terrible.
Oh, dear.
What happened?
Well, I had to give a speech as the best man at my cousin's wedding last week.
Oh, wow, that's so cool.
Nope.
I got up there with the microphone.
I got so nervous that I started talking about random things.
I could see people getting bored.
It was terrible.
That's a very common problem.
The worst part is I thought eye contact and body language would help, but people just kept losing interest.
I had to cut my speech short before everyone fell asleep.
Oh, that sounds hard.
But you made a mistake that many people make with communication.
What mistake?
Many people think they just need something like body language to speak well.
Are you saying those body language tips don't work?
They can help, but they're not enough.
Good communication starts with your mindset.
So you mean if I want to feel confident when I talk to people, I need to change my thinking first?
Yes, exactly.
But don't worry.
Today, we're going to talk about six important mindset shifts.
That can help you improve your communication skills in real situations.
I love practical advice.
Where do we start?
First, let's talk about something most people find difficult, the nervous feeling when speaking.
So why do people get nervous when they speak? because they think too much about themselves.
Why is that a problem?
Well, when you talk to people, like when you gave that speech at your cousin's wedding, what were you thinking about?
Um, many things.
Like, does my shirt look good?
Does my voice sound okay?
Is my English correct?
Things like that.
Right.
When you worry about yourself too much, you can't think about your message.
And that makes you more nervous.
It's like leaving your house door open.
And then worrying someone will steal your things.
So who should I think about instead?
Your audience.
When you want to share something, it's not about you.
It's about the people who receive your message.
Why is that better?
First, focusing on the audience allows you to use your brain power to find an effective way to send your message.
That sounds reasonable.
Second, as the audience gets what you mean, they'll react in a positive way.
This gives your brain a reward, which makes you feel more confident.
The more confident you feel, the better you speak.
Oh, I like this.
Of course you do.
And for anyone out there worrying about how to shift your focus from yourself to your audience, here are some useful tips.
I'm all ears.
First is active listening.
Why do we have to listen when we are the ones speaking?
It helps build trust, which makes your audience more comfortable and open to your message.
Makes sense.
What's the best way to practice active listening?
When someone talks to you, give them 100% of your attention.
Like how?
Use both your body and words to show them you're listening to them, like nodding or saying small affirmations, like I see.
Uh-huh.
Asking them to confirm what they say also shows that their words are heard.
How can we apply this in situations with a large audience, like at a wedding or during a class presentation?
In such cases, you should listen to your audience's feedback with your eyes or read the room.
For example, smiles and nods mean they understand or agree with you.
A confused look may mean the opposite and you might need to clarify your point.
Noted, their energy also tells.
A quiet room often means they're with you.
A loud or whispering one might mean they're losing attention and you have to do something to earn it back.
Like what?
Asking follow-up questions, which is also the second tip to shift your focus from you to others.
Some simple but useful ones are, is that clear?
Are you with me on this?
Or some questions your audience can personally relate to.
Oh, I can ask who knows the bride or groom for more than 10 years at my cousin's wedding.
That's a good one.
Use it next time you give a wedding speech.
So focus on the audience, not ourselves.
Got it.
Feels like I've mastered communication already.
Wait, there are still five mindsets we need to change to communicate better.
The next one's about rambling or talking in a messy, confusing way.
How do we stop it?
Let's look at why this happens first.
Why do you think people ramble?
People ramble because they try to say everything at the same time.
They think they need to give all the information, so they just keep talking and talking.
But this only makes people confused or sleepy.
Oh, guilty.
Like in my first job interviews, when the interviewers asked about my old jobs, I started talking about my daily work, then my team, then the company's history and And.
And ended up with them falling asleep.
I feel sorry for them.
They didn't know which was your main idea because you talked about too many things.
So how can people like me get others to listen?
Focus on one main idea.
Just one.
How do I choose just one?
Try the one thing.
Trick.
Start your sentence with the one thing and then finish it.
Like, the one thing about my old job is that it needed lots of computer skills.
But how do I know it's the most important idea, though?
It doesn't matter too much.
What matters is that you focus on that one idea when you speak.
You can talk about the next important idea after that.
I see.
And to share your one idea well, use the PREP method.
Prep?
Like getting ready?
No, it means point, reason, example, and point again.
It shows you how to share an idea step by step.
So first I say my main point, then give a reason why, then give an example and then say my point again.
Correct.
It's very helpful in job interviews or work presentations, where you need to speak clearly and quickly.
Okay, so now I can focus on one main point and not ramble.
But what if my topic is just boring?
Who wants to listen to boring things?
That's the third point.
There are no boring topics, only boring ways to talk about topics.
No way.
That can't be true.
Do you know Neil deGrasse Tyson?
Of course.
He's the guy who made me love science.
See?
He talks about space and physics. things that many people think are difficult and boring.
But when he explains them, everyone loves listening to him.
You're right.
But how does he do that?
How can someone make a boring topic interesting?
Use simple comparisons and everyday examples.
Instead of saying this software works faster, which sounds boring, say this software is like changing from a bicycle to a sports car.
Oh wow, that's much clearer.
What else can I do?
Change how your voice sounds and use your body.
Look at people's eyes.
Stop talking for a moment to make a point stronger and move your hands.
Okay, so body language helps too.
Yes.
And if you have a good sense of humor or are good at telling stories, use those skills in your speech too.
Why should I do that?
Because people remember stories, especially the relatable or funny ones, much better than numbers and facts.
So about the software example?
I can say this software runs faster than I running away from my problems.
Good one, Leo.
People would definitely remember how fast it is after that.
But Gwen, not everyone can tell good stories.
You're right.
Not everyone can tell good stories yet.
That's why we have this fourth point.
What's that?
Storytelling is not something we were born with, but something we can learn.
So, we can get better at it.
That would be great.
Just think about job interviews.
When they ask, tell me about yourself, I think many of us make our interviewers bored.
By just repeating everything that's already written in our resume.
You're right, Leo.
However, just like science, the things on our resume aren't boring.
It's just how we talk about them.
We can turn your experiences into small stories instead of listing all the facts.
Alright, our friends and I are ready to hear your advice.
There's a method called STAR.
That's Situation, Task, Action, and Result.
First, you talk about the situation, which means what was happening and where it happened.
Then, you mention the task, which was the problem.
Next, you describe your action or what you actually did to solve that problem.
And finally, you talk about the result of what you did.
Okay, so let's say I want to say I worked as a shop assistant.
How do I turn it into a story?
You can say.
Last year I helped a customer who was very upset because she couldn't find the right gift for her mother.
Those are the situation and task, right?
Right.
Then you say I listened to her carefully, asked questions about what her mother likes and helped her find the perfect present.
This is the action.
Finally, you state the result.
She was so happy that she became a regular customer.
Oh, that's completely different.
In other words, we should show, not tell.
Right?
Right.
That's much more interesting and easier for people to believe.
Honestly, if I were interviewing someone telling me many stories like that, I would be really impressed.
That's why this method works well for interviews, networking events or any time you need to convince someone.
I agree it's perfect for networking, because stories help people feel connected to you and give them things to talk about.
However, don't forget to focus on one main idea only.
Keep your stories short and relevant.
Don't tell your whole life story.
Pick one moment that shows something important about you.
Alright.
Now, let's say I'm getting better at telling stories, but there's one thing that still stops me from speaking up.
What's that?
I'm afraid of what people think.
What if they don't like my ideas?
What if they think I'm stupid?
Ah, that's the fifth thing I want to talk about today.
It's the fear of being judged.
Yes.
Like in meetings at work, I have good ideas, but I'm scared people won't like them, so I just stay quiet.
You know what?
You can't make everyone happy, and most people aren't paying as much attention to you as you think they are.
Really?
How are you so sure?
It's called the spotlight effect.
Spotlight effect?
What's that?
It's when we think everyone is looking at us and judging everything we do.
But actually, they're thinking about their own problems.
Like when you fall down on the street, you think everyone saw it, but most people didn't even notice.
That makes sense, but what if someone really does judge my idea?
How do I deal with that?
You can't control what other people think about you, but you can control how you feel about their thoughts.
Just accept it and don't let it change who you are.
You make it sound easy.
It's not easy, but remember that.
That's encouraging.
But what if someone says I'm totally wrong and pushes me to comment on their opinion?
That's when you need assertive communication, which means sharing your thoughts while still respecting other people's opinions.
Interesting.
Can you give me an example?
Sure, if someone disagrees, you could say, I appreciate your feedback.
Here's my perspective.
And then calmly explain your view.
Don't shout.
And what if we just never agree?
Then you agree to disagree.
You can say, I get your point, but I see things differently, and that's okay.
You don't have to win every argument.
This actually reminds me of our team brainstorming sessions.
I always admire people who share ideas, even the weird ones, because at least they're putting something out there.
I know, right?
You already see the value in taking action.
Now what you need to do is applying that same mindset to yourself.
So that's everything we need to improve our communication skills?
Not really.
We have all the tools now, but they're useless without practice.
That's also my sixth and last point.
But not everyone gets enough chances to practice.
We can't just walk up to strangers and start talking to them.
That's what most people think, Leo.
But you're missing practice chances every day.
What do you mean?
I go to work, come home, and watch TV.
Where are these secret practice opportunities?
Every time you talk to someone, it's a chance to practice communication.
Even when I'm ordering coffee or talking to the cashier at the grocery store.
Yes, especially those small conversations.
Think about musicians, Leo.
They don't only practice when they have concerts.
They practice simple songs every day, even when no one is listening.
That's how they get better.
Are you saying I should talk to myself too?
Why not?
Practice explaining ideas out loud when you're alone.
Recording voice notes on your phone really helps too.
How does talking to myself help with real conversations?
Because you're building good speaking habits.
When a real opportunity comes up, you won't get nervous and stop talking.
Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
It does.
So our dear friends, if you're still afraid to speak up, remember that.
You do not rise to the occasion, but fall back to your level of practice.
That's so true, guys.
Success isn't all about natural talent or luck.
It's about how well we prepare and practice.
And the best part is that communication practice is everywhere if you look for it.
I feel like I've been missing so many opportunities.
So, I guess it's time to start practicing then?
Alright everyone, it's time to wrap up.
From managing stress to practicing every day.
We've talked about six big mindset shifts, plus some handy tips that can really change the way you communicate.
And the best part is you can start practicing these ideas right now in your everyday conversations.
Gwen's right, I mean if I tried to count all the chances we have.
To practice communicating each day, I would need way more than two hands.
Remember everyone, getting better at communication is a journey.
It takes time and effort.
But anyone can improve if they have the right mindset.
How about you try to shift one mindset next week and see what happens?
That's a great idea.
Which shift would you like to try first?
Tell us in the comment section below.
We'd love to hear from you.
And if this episode helped you, please like it and share it with someone who might find these tips useful.
Every share helps us reach more people who want to get better at communication.
Don't forget to follow our podcast for more helpful advice like this.
Thanks so much for listening today, everyone.
I'm Gwen.
And I'm Leo.
See you in the next episode of Podcast and Chill.
