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Hello, welcome to or welcome back to Transicare.
If you're new here, hello, my name is Ashley and we are starting off today's episode on a much better note.
If you listen to last week's episode, you probably heard me crashing out and you probably know that I was very emotional.
And when I posted that episode, when I recorded that episode, I didn't expect people to understand.
I didn't expect people to relate to me or expect everyone to relate to me.
I knew that there was gonna be criticism and people who just didn't see where I was coming from and I definitely got some of that feedback.
Like one person commented on under the episode being like, you had to give yourself time off because of the election unfollowing.
And if you listen to last week's episode, I also mentioned how I'm coming out with merch, but the merch is bright red with white font and I've seen some people say, and by some I mean a lot of people say online that they don't feel comfortable wearing red right now because of the election.
So I had posted on my Instagram story asking people what I should do about my merch.
And someone had responded to me and they were like, girl, this is so dramatic.
And what I say to both of those comments is like, have you ever listened to my podcast before?
Like have you been following me on social media?
Like I am so emotional.
I'm so dramatic. Like, this is nothing new.
Like I don't know what you were expecting for me, but like this is nothing new.
But I do want to say thank you to everyone who is so kind and so respectful and reached out to me saying that they relate a lot to what I was saying and felt the same way that I've been feeling.
And also thanking me for being very open about my experience and I just like want to say thank you for giving me a platform to be able to share my experience and talk so openly without having to hold back and I just feel so supported and I love you so much.
So thank you for that.
One more thing before we get into the episode.
I am so excited but also so nervous to say this, but we are releasing the merch and it was very up in the air.
If you listen to last week's episode or follow me on social media, I was hesitant because of the feedback I've been getting about it being red and white.
Like it is giving MAGA and you know, that might not bother you, but it bothers a lot of people and so many of you were like do not release that.
Like I will not buy it if it's red and I totally get that but I was kind of in a hard space because I had designed it so long ago and I was thinking like Christmas and not election.
So the team and I have decided that we are still going to release the red crew neck that says it is better to be alone than surrounded by people who make you feel lonely, which I always say and so many of you love that quote and I was like, we need to do that and I'm so excited about this drop, but we're releasing
the red and white but also releasing it in green.
So it is very clear that it is Christmas colors.
Okay, but the hoodie is still going to be red and white.
We can't release a green version of it, but the hoodie says try not to care on the front and then on the back in puff print.
It says sorry for caring so much, but you will be able to buy it when you listen to this episode.
I'm going to link it in the show notes and I hope you love it and once you get it make sure to send me pictures so I can post them if obviously if you're okay with that and yeah, so if you want to buy merch, you can officially buy merch link in the show notes moving into today's episode.
Well, actually before we get into it, I just want to give you like an idea of where I'm at and why I wanted to talk about this today.
So right now I'm in this like weird transitional period which usually happens like every one to two years where everything's changing.
I don't really know what I'm doing.
The energy is just very chaotic.
And well like right now I'm in the process of trying to leave my social media management because I just don't think it's the right fit for me.
I don't think it's something that I want and I probably shouldn't be talking about it because it's not for sure yet that I'm being released or they're allowing me to leave.
But if it were up to me, I'd be skedaddling.
So like I'm in the process of doing that.
I only have a couple more months with my podcast network which eventually I'll speak on if that's something you're even interested in hearing.
But then I'm also in the process of looking to buy a house and we just started looking but it's not really going the way that I expected it to and then I posted a video talking about house hunting and I've gotten so many comments being like oh my god, I'm looking in the same area and we've been looking
for two years and we keep bidding and nothing's working out.
I'm like great, like good to know that this is not going to be a smooth process.
And obviously there's other things in my life going on but in times like these where things are just so unpredictable and it feels like you're shedding parts of you and things are changing so rapidly, it can be really stressful.
Like I said, the energy right now is so chaotic and if you know anything about me, I do very well in chaos.
I actually thrive in chaos because it kind of forces me to lock in but not everyone feels that way.
A lot of people feel like when they lose friendships or they lose relationships or they have to pivot in their career, it feels like they're at rock bottom like that.
They've lost everything and they don't know what to do with their lives and it's just such a loss and I've definitely felt that way before but I want to talk about the idea of things getting messy before they get better.
So that's what we're going to talk about today.
I hope that today's episode inspires you and encourages you.
I hope that it gives you some hope if you're feeling down, if you're feeling like everything's falling apart.
I just want today's episode to remind you that things are falling apart so they can come together.
It is so natural to feel uncomfortable and feel uncertain about what's going to happen when there's so many changes in your life.
Like, no matter how good a change is, it's still uncomfortable because you've never experienced it before.
Like, when you get a new job, it's exciting but it's still scary because you don't know what it's going to be like.
You don't know who your co -workers are, who your boss is.
You don't know if the job's going to be hard.
You don't know if it's going to work out and it could be really nerve -wracking when you start dating again.
Like, of course, you're excited to get out there and go on dates and meet new people, but it's natural to have those nerves of like, what if they don't like me?
What if they don't think I'm pretty?
What if I say the wrong thing?
Or like, what if it's just too soon for me to be out there dating and I go home and I'm crying about my ex -boyfriend?
Change is uncomfortable, especially when you feel like you're losing something rather than gaining something.
Like, it's much easier to look at a change that's positive and be okay with it and more open to it because you're getting that instant gratification.
Like, when you get a new job, like, yes, it sucks that you had to lose your old job, but now you get a better -paying one.
Or when you move from an apartment to a house, like, yes, it sucks that you had to move out of that apartment that you loved, but now you're moving to a house that you love even more and you gain something.
Something that's so much more valuable to you than what you're losing.
This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc.
I have a confession and some of you are going to be shocked when I say this, but I just started going back to my OBGYN.
Like, this was my first time going in like three years and I'm in my later 20's, so it's really important that I go consistently and I get checked out and make sure everything's good, but the reason I stopped going was because I just didn't love my doctor and it was difficult for me to even get an appointment
if I wanted to go. It wasn't until recently where I started experiencing some symptoms that I was like, oh wow, like, I really should go to the doctor.
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This episode is sponsored by Equip.
Something that I feel like is written off a lot when it comes to health care is mental health and eating disorders and body image.
Just like if you feel sick and you go to the doctor or you get injured and you go to the doctor, I think we need the same type of resources for if you're struggling mentally with eating or negative body image.
If you don't know, I struggled with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia and it was really difficult for me to navigate because there is sometimes shame associated with it and not everyone understands what you're going through.
A lot of people dismiss it because they don't understand and that's why I think it's important to look into treatment programs if this is something that you're struggling with, which is why I'm excited to introduce you to Equip.
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Obviously, the holidays are coming up and I spoke about this before but being around food, especially during the holidays, can be really triggering and I can tell you right now regardless of the food that you're around that's triggering you, the answer is not just not eating or not attending a really
special event like a family gathering or friends giving because of the food.
I'm sending you so much love if this is something that you're struggling with but I genuinely recommend Equip.
I think having a team that not only is there to listen to you and give you guidance but they can also help you build a better relationship with food and your body is so important.
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Now, let's get back to today's episode.
And I think when there's a lot of change in our lives that is disguised as bad like losing a friend or your boyfriend breaking up with you or you getting fired from your job or you not getting into a school that you really wanted to get into, we instantly feel like it's the end of the world and we can't
find the silver lining in it because all we see is this terrible thing that just happened to us and like my life is ruined and I don't know what to do now rather than looking at it and being like, okay, well, things are kind of messy right now and it kind of sucks, but it's going to get better.
Like when I quit my last job working at the elementary school, I didn't really have a backup plan or any idea of what I was doing.
I just quit and I was like, you know what?
I'm going to start a podcast and I'm going to do social media full time and when I quit my job, I felt like I was already at rock bottom.
I was making like no money and I was so unhappy and I just felt like I had nothing else to lose but that's why it was so much easier for me to get up and go do what I wanted to do and really put everything I had into creating this podcast and showing up on social media because I had nothing else to
lose and everything to gain.
Like it was either go back to the job that made me unhappy, find another job that probably was going to make me unhappy or pursue what I wanted to do and make it work.
Before I decided to quit that job, I always had an excuse for why I couldn't do what I wanted to do.
I always had some reason for why I couldn't do social media full time or why I couldn't make a podcast.
Like I didn't have enough time or I was tired at the end of the day or I wasn't making enough money so I couldn't buy myself a microphone or a new computer or I couldn't post the content that I wanted to because I was afraid that my co -workers were going to see and make fun of me.
Like I always had an excuse.
I felt like I had too much to lose even though I literally had nothing.
Like I didn't have money.
I didn't like my job.
I was already miserable.
So it's like I don't know what I was holding myself back from.
But once I lost everything like lost everything even the things I didn't love and I hit rock bottom, I realized that like the only choice I have is to build up and to reinvent myself and reinvent my life.
Sometimes things need to unravel and be messy and not make sense and like almost come crumbling down for you to be like, okay, it's time to figure this out.
It's time to rebuild and reinvent and start over.
Like sometimes you need things to not make sense and you need to be at a very low point to be able to be optimistic and go after what you want.
I was listening to Kamala's, I think concession speech.
I could be wrong. It could have been something else but I was listening to her speak and she had said this quote that really hit me and I was like, oh, wow.
Wow and it was only when it is dark enough that you can see the stars and I think the quotes originally from Martin Luther King jr.
But it really hit me where I needed it to.
It was so powerful and it just really resonated with me and basically what only when it is dark enough that you can see the stars means is only when we're at our lowest point and we feel defeated that we can find that strength and resilience.
But also the way that I interpreted it was even in the darkest lowest point of our life.
There's still beauty if you're looking for it.
Imagine you go outside and it's pitch black out and you can't see anything and you feel uneasy and uncomfortable because of the lack of light and you're like, oh shit.
This sucks like it's really dark out.
Don't love this and then you look about the sky and you see these beautiful stars in that moment when you see the stars you realize like there's more to the darkness than just what's in front of me or next to me.
There's beauty in it.
You wouldn't be able to see those stars without the darkness.
You wouldn't be able to have that beauty without the darkness.
You might not be able to recognize the blessings in your life and all the amazing things you have and all the good fortune coming your way without the darkness without being at your lowest point because sometimes it takes having nothing to appreciate everything.
At least for me when things are going really well in my life, I'm less likely to be journaling and meditating and manifesting.
I'm less likely to be so focused on what's next and leveling up because I'm happy and I'm comfortable.
Whereas when I've gone through something really difficult and I need guidance, I'm word vomiting into my journal.
I'm writing down everything that I'm grateful for to put me back in a good mood.
I'm doing tarot card readings and I'm meditating and I'm listening to sound frequencies and when I'm in the shower and I'm listening to my manifestation playlist and I'm on Pinterest reinventing my life and I'm planning out like what I want to do with the next year of my life and what I want to do with the rest
of my life because I feel like I have nothing.
I'm doing all these things because I feel like I have nothing.
I feel like I'm spiraling.
I feel like I'm losing control.
All of those things are positives like that's good that I am doing that when I am struggling.
Those are incredible ways to cope but those are things that are going to push me forward.
I am more likely to be successful when I'm on top of my shit when I'm planning out my life when I'm being more open to opportunities rather than being closed off because I'm comfortable.
But unfortunately, I'm less likely to do those things when I'm happy and when I'm comfortable.
It takes me feeling like shit to want to be better and to be appreciative of my life and you know, moving forward and getting the things that I want in my life.
When things fall apart, it isn't always like our choice.
We don't always want things to come tumbling down.
We'd prefer it not to but whether you're forced into change or you're choosing to change the way you go about things like change your career path or you're deciding to leave a relationship or you're deciding to pursue something is so wildly different than what you're used to change is how you grow like
things do not get better by staying the same because a good thing can only be good for so long.
For example, you might be friends with someone for a really really long time but that friendship isn't going to last unless you're both changing and growing because like your friendship that you had in high school is going to be different than how it is in your 20s or in your 30s.
You need to change the way that you approach things and the way you communicate and your boundaries and how you talk to one another even the way that you spend your time together is probably going to be different than how it was in high school because the things that were okay back then aren't going
to be necessarily okay now like I can't expect my friend who is in a long -term committed relationship who has basically a stepdaughter to just drop things and go out with me on a Tuesday night and go get drunk because we used to do it when we were younger that's not fair to her that's not fair for me
to hold her to do that like that's not who she is that's not what she wants to do that's not even what I want to do but it's like things need to change and grow like it's going to look different than it once did things need to change to become better and it's really hard for things to get better by holding
on to things that no longer work for me when I started this podcast I wanted to do social media full -time but I was holding on to that job that made me unhappy and I stayed up because I was comfortable and that's all I knew but I couldn't live the life that I wanted to live without letting go of that one
right now I'm not going to be able to do the things that I want to do and live the way that I want to live by staying with these agencies and networks that I've learned over the past year just don't work for me.
This episode is sponsored by Masterclass.
If you follow me on TikTok you might have seen me make a video saying that I'm doing an end of the year club which focuses not only on physical but emotional and mental so that way when I go into the new year I don't need to start over completely I already have the tools to have an incredible year and be
the best version of me.
One thing that's really important to me and what I want to continue working on is self -improvement especially when it comes to learning.
Obviously most people go through school they go through high school they even go to college but we're not always taught about self -improvement or business or how to be creative and build a personal brand and obviously so many people want to be able to do that and learn that but they don't know where to
start and that's why I love Masterclass.
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When I went to look on Masterclass for myself I went through all the classes they have and they have so many but the ones that I'm most interested in revolve around leadership creativity self -expression authenticity creating change and then I even decided to do an acting one because I want to push myself
to do more things I've never done and that are uncomfortable because that's how you grow.
There's a class for everyone like I would probably give my boyfriend one that has something to do with music because he likes to make beats or I would give my dad a cooking one because he loves to cook and it's just a really good way to show people in your life that you're paying attention to their
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This episode is sponsored by Nutriful.
If you don't know last year I dyed my hair blonde and if you've never seen me before if you have no idea what I look like I have naturally dark brown hair and I was bleaching my hair every one to two months to get it to the blonde that I wanted and obviously that's not healthy for your hair so I ended
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This episode is sponsored by Just Ingredients.
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Now let's get back to today's episode.
Yes, they're comfortable and yes, I know what I'm getting by staying with them but I know I want more, I want better.
And it might be scary to jump ship and start all over and it might seem really chaotic right now and I have no idea what I'm gonna do next.
But I'd rather have the uncertainty of not knowing what's gonna happen next but still be hopeful that things are gonna get better and I'm gonna get what I want.
Then be certain that this is the best that it's gonna get and things aren't gonna get better and just be certain that I'm going to be unhappy and unfulfilled and only stay because it's comfortable and I know what's gonna happen.
Like it's either I'm uncertain but I could be really happy or I'm certain that I definitely will not be and I don't want that.
The point that I'm trying to make is that you need to dismantle what you know to receive what you want.
If you know you're unhappy at your job and you're not making the amount of money that you want to make, you're not going to get any happier or any richer by staying.
Yes, leaving is going to be difficult and uncomfortable but that transitional period is required to find a job that meets your expectations financially and just makes you happy.
If you know that your friends are not meeting your expectations and they're mistreating you, you're not going to find friends who meet your expectations and are respectful to you and speak highly of you and are loyal to you and are all these things that you want by focusing all of your attention on the people who are doing
the opposite who aren't giving you what you want.
The same thing with any relationship in your life or your environment or just anything that you want out of your life.
If you know something is not it, you are not going to find it by focusing on the thing that you know is not for you.
We stay in these friendships and we stay in these relationships and we don't move where we want to live.
We don't do what we want to do and we don't put ourselves out there because we're comfortable with our lives.
It obviously sucks to be unhappy but we know what it feels like.
We're comfortable with the feeling.
We know that it doesn't feel good to be unhappy and be dissatisfied with our lives but at least we know how it feels.
We're certain with how it feels.
It's like yeah, I know I'm going to be unhappy but at least I know what my day is going to look like and how I'm going to be treated and what I have to do.
And I don't want to do any of it but at least it's not scary.
At least I don't really have to push myself.
It's just automatic and we're used to it.
We're comfortable with it.
So many people choose that certainty over the uncertainty of exciting things like going on a first date with someone who actually wants to take you on a date or going and meeting friends who have the same hobbies as you or going to that interview for their dream job.
Those are all things that people want and that they've been dreaming of but they've never experienced it before.
So it's scary and they're like, well, what if it doesn't work out?
Like what if I'm making the wrong decision?
Okay, well, you're making the wrong decision then and like that's all it is.
What if it doesn't work out?
Well, it's already not working out for you.
Like you're unhappy.
So clearly things aren't working out for you.
Like wouldn't you rather go and just see this experience through and if it doesn't work out then like okay, you go back to your life that you don't like anyways.
But wouldn't you at least want to try?
Wouldn't you at least want to try for better?
Starting new things can be really uncomfortable and be really messy and at first you might feel like, oh, like I made the wrong decision.
Like this isn't going to work out.
But just because you don't know what the next step is going to be or what things are going to look like doesn't mean that you've made the wrong decision or that it's not going to work out.
And what made me actually think about this episode a couple weeks ago was I was painting.
And I still haven't finished this painting so like I should probably get back to that.
But I remember showing my boyfriend the painting and I don't know if I said this out loud to him or if this was something that I said in my head.
But I remember thinking or saying like it's not good right now like it's really bad but like just trust the process.
Because when you are painting, when you begin painting it kind of looks like a disaster.
It doesn't really look like anything.
It doesn't look anything like what the final product's going to be because like it's unfinished and it's messy and you still have to shade and blend and it just doesn't look like what it's going to look like until you finish it.
But you have to trust the process.
The beginning stages are not the final product but you're not going to have the final product without seeing it through and going through these really uncomfortable stages where you're like painting and you're like oh my God, this is the worst thing ever.
Like I should stop or like oh my God like it's not turning out to what I thought it was going to be.
Yeah, it might end up being a complete disaster and not look like what you wanted it to look like.
But you're never going to see the end result if you stop.
It's like why stop now when you've done all this progress anyways just finish it off and see it through and then at the end be like okay, I'm going to scrap this or I'm going to hang this up.
The best comparison I can make to just trusting the process and trusting that things are going to work out when it feels like everything is falling apart is when you decide to clean your room.
Like think about a time where you start cleaning your room and then all of a sudden you're ripping things out of your closet and you have clothes scattered all over your floor and you ripped everything from out of your bed and you ripped everything from out of your makeup vanity and you're cleaning
for like an hour and then all of a sudden you take a step back and there's things everywhere.
It's a disaster and you're like oh my God like this room is messier than when I started like what have I done?
How am I going to fix this like I don't have the energy to clean my room like I made it worse and it feels so stressful and it feels like you've done way too much and you don't know how to fix it and it's like yes, your room is messier and more chaotic than it was when you first started cleaning.
But in order to actually clean it and organize it to the best of your abilities, you have to take everything out of its place and reorganize it.
Like you could just throw things in the corner and like push it aside and make it look kind of nice and make it look a little clean, but that's not actually cleaning your room.
That's putting a bandaid on it and hoping that one day you're to come back to it and clean it.
Things need to be messy before they come together.
Eventually, once you take the time to put everything back to where it needs to be, you're going to come back and be like oh my God like my room looks incredible.
Like thank God I spent an extra two hours cleaning it because now it's spotless.
That is the same thing with your life.
Things need to unravel and be messy and chaotic and you need to hit rock bottom to be able to build yourself up and reinvent and reorganize and for things to be better.
Or think about like when you're doing a puzzle.
You have all these puzzle pieces sprawled out all over the floor, all over the table and it seems really complicated and you don't know where to start because there's so many pieces and you're like I don't know why I even started this stupid puzzle.
Like I can't get it.
It sucks. But then if you spend the time to go piece by piece, everything starts fitting together and eventually everything comes together and you create that picture that's on the box.
It's the same thing with your life.
When things feel like they're all over the place and you're confused and it feels like everything's falling apart.
It's because it is.
Everything is falling apart, but they're only falling apart so that something better can come together.
You can't have the life that you want to live or you can't have the things that you've been manifesting by holding onto things that are conflicting and don't align with that new life.
Just because things are messy and you have no idea what the correct path is and you're being pulled in a million different directions doesn't mean that it's not going to work out.
It's just going to be a little messy until it's not.
Just because things are unfamiliar doesn't mean that they're not right for you.
It just means things take time and you have to see it through.
You just got to trust the process.
And likewise, just because things are familiar and you're comfortable doesn't mean that it's right for you.
Just because your life is good right now doesn't mean that it can't get better.
You don't need to settle.
So if you're in a position right now where you feel like you just keep losing or you're upset that things aren't the way that they used to be or you just feel like everything's in shambles.
Take a deep breath and embrace it instead of crashing out and feeling doomed.
Embrace it and celebrate it and be excited that things are changing.
Look for the optimism in the situation.
Like of course it sucks that you lost a friend or you lost a relationship or you lost that job.
But it also means that you get to start over and reinvent your life.
You get to form new friendships that are meaningful and are better than what you know.
You get to experience a new kind of love.
A love that's gentle and kind and everything that you want.
You get to experience and try out different jobs and find one that works for you.
Just because you're losing those things doesn't mean that they're bad.
Just because you're unsure of things doesn't mean it's bad.
It's an incredible thing.
It's an incredible opportunity that you're being given if you let it be.
If you feel like you're at rock bottom, if you feel like there's a million things going on right now and you can't keep up or you can't catch your breath.
Take a second and take that deep breath and remind yourself that although things are scary and uncomfortable, they're still exciting.
Like in a couple months or a couple of years or whatever things feel okay for you.
You're going to look back and this transformational period in your life is going to be so nostalgic.
And you're going to wish that you were more kind and more patient with yourself.
Give yourself grace.
You're doing the best that you can and I can guarantee you it's all going to work out.
I hope that this episode helped you in some way.
I hope that it gave you a little pep in your step.
I hope that you go through the next week feeling better than you came into it and I just hope you loved it.
And if you did love today's episode, let me know on my social media.
They're all linked in the show notes.
You could also rate Try Not To Care.
You could also comment on this episode on Spotify.
Just let me know your thoughts.
I love to hear your feedback.
I would love if you checked out the merch.
I am so excited about it.
I can't wait to twin with you guys.
If you do buy it, let me know.
Take so many pictures of yourself in it.
I'm just like so excited about it.
It's in the show notes.
I don't know how long it will be available, but I know that's live right now.
So go check it out.
And yeah, thank you so much for listening to today's episode.
I love you so much.
And I will talk to you next Monday.
Goodbye, Besties. Love you.
