I've got a show to recommend that I genuinely think you and your kids are going to love.
It's called Lightcatchers, a brand new award-winning cinematic audio adventure from the team behind Batman, High Volume and Story Pirates.
If your house is into pinna favorites like Grim Grimmer, Grimmest or Hero Hotel, this is absolutely your next play.
Stick around for a preview at the end of this episode.
Then search Lightcatchers wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz.
I'm an author.
I'm also a storyteller.
I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales.
You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring.
But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales.
The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all.
They're weird. and sometimes gross, and often scary.
In other words, they're grim.
And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim, grim tales to a bunch of kids.
Do you want to join me?
Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale?
Let me help you decide.
On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimmest.
This episode is grimmer.
Before they get better, things will get worse and bloodier for our brave hero, Caroline.
If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do.
You could turn down the volume and count to five.
Then turn the volume back up.
If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again.
You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for.
You know what you need.
Okay, I'm at the classroom door now.
There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale.
So, are you coming in?
Grim.
Grimmer.
Grimace.
I'm just wondering, why is this story called The Thirteen Tortoises?
It says nothing about the tortoises.
The story is called The Twelve Tortoises and we have not met a single tortoise.
Not twelve, not even one yet.
Great point.
The other thing to know about this story is that it is scarier than last time's story.
Why?
This story is a continuation of The Twelve Tortoises.
You'll remember that it's by Franz Xaver von Schönwirt, so it's weird.
As Caroline slept, the innkeeper's wife prepared a special stew.
Once it was ready, she would throw Caroline in the stew, cook her until she was soft and tender and then feed her to the hogs.
Remember how I said that she was going to eat her?
I do remember that.
Yeah, totally.
Caroline slept.
And as she slept, she dreamed.
She dreamed of the blue swan.
And in that dream, the blue swan spoke to her.
When you wake up, you will find a huge hawk tied behind the inn.
Cut off its head.
Then make your way at once to the top of Glass Mountain.
Your brother We'll be waiting for you there.
The innkeeper's wife had finished chopping the herbs and carrots and potatoes for the stew and it was all simmering on the stove.
Now it was time for the most important ingredient.
Now.
Her head?
Now.
Caroline.
The innkeeper's wife turned toward the sleeping Caroline with a butcher's knife in her hand.
She can cut the head off.
Ready to chop her head off.
And cut the meat from her bones.
Suddenly, a voice came from the staircase.
Hello?
The innkeeper's wife turned around.
The voice roused Caroline from her sleep, too.
Her eyelids fluttered and opened.
Standing on the stairs was the innkeeper, who looked like he'd just been woken from a ten-year nap.
He had a long gray beard and he was frail and was trying to hide his eyes from the almost non-existent light in the cabin.
Why do you look so surprised?
What are you surprised about?
Because he woke up.
Yeah, I just think that she might have set her husband to sleep too.
The innkeeper's wife hid the knife behind her back and said, Oh, you're awake.
Wonderful.
Could I get you some hog's milk?
The innkeeper replied.
Yes, I'm very thirsty.
I feel like I've been sleeping for ten years.
Oh, don't be silly.
You've just been napping for a little while.
But Caroline realized that she had never actually seen the innkeeper the whole time she'd lived with the innkeeper's wife.
Maybe she put him to sleep so he would not see what she was doing.
What an interesting theory.
The innkeeper's wife poured some hog's milk in a dirty glass and the innkeeper drank it down.
I'm feeling very sleepy again.
I think I'll go back upstairs and lie down.
Oh, you do that, said the innkeeper's wife.
And then she turned back to Caroline and raised the butcher's knife over her head.
Except Caroline wasn't there.
What?
What?
That's just crazy.
Caroline had snuck out the back of the inn while the innkeeper's wife was distracted with her sleepy husband.
Behind the inn, Caroline saw the hogs in their pen, and one hog was about twice as big and fat as the others.
And there was an axe for chopping wood wedged into the side of a tree.
Caroline got the axe and raised it up over her head and closed her eyes and threw it down on the hog's neck.
She heard a big squeal and when she opened her eyes, she saw lying there, headless and bleeding, not the hog, but the innkeeper's wife.
Except her head was no longer attached to her body.
Who can explain what happened?
What was it?
What is going on?
I think the innkeeper's wife was a hog.
Somehow the innkeeper's wife was a hog.
And that also explains why she cares about the hog so much and she feeds them.
Because if she feeds the hog, she's also like feeding herself.
I think that that's right.
Um, I think this is Haga Yaga.
Instead of Baba Yaga, she's Haga Yaga.
I love that.
It's so good.
Inside the inn, the innkeeper woke from his nap with a start.
He came outside to see what was going on.
My wife!
He shouted, but he didn't look so sleepy anymore.
He looked angry.
He started for Caroline, but she raised the bloody axe and... He backed away.
Caroline threw down the axe and ran.
She ran through the darkest woods until she came across a man driving a horse-drawn wagon.
Please!
Caroline begged the man.
Take me to Glass Mountain.
The man hesitated.
I never go to Glass Mountain.
That's where the giants live.
Please!
I need to find my brother.
The man said, Those giants are...
Fierce, you know.
They breathe fire and can roast a man quicker than you can say Franz Xaver von Schönwert.
Caroline thought of her brother.
If he was up there, she would go get him.
She said, I'll take my chances.
And the man for no reason I can understand, except maybe the determination and desperation shining in Caroline's face gave a nod, lifted Caroline into his wagon and urged his horse to gallop at double speed, dragging the wagon up the treacherous road to the glass mountain.
Did you know that you can listen to Grim, Grimmer, Grimmest without any ads interrupting the story?
Just subscribe to Pinna.
Not only will you get to hear me tell these fairy tales straight through the way I tell them to kids, you get access to tons of other awesome original shows and audiobooks all ad-free.
Subscribe to Pinna at pinna.fm.
That's P-I-N-N-A dot F-M.
And use code Grim with two M's. to get 30% off an annual subscription.
And remember, it's not a Smurf.
Introducing A is for Alfie, the first picture book from the award-winning Pinna series Quentin and Alfie's ABC Adventures.
Alfie thinks his name is a little weird, but with his babysitter Quentin, he discovers that every letter holds endless possibilities.
From A is for Acrobat to E is for Electrician.
Written by award-winning author Randy DuBerc and illustrated by Derek Brooks, this heartwarming, diverse read-aloud is perfect for kids 3 to 6, guiding them through letters while helping them love who they are.
Pick up A is for Alfie wherever books are sold and start your ABC adventure on the page.
Soon, trees and stones gave way to glassy ice, and then just to glass.
They rode on a slick glass road and the ground beneath their feet was transparent, just cloudy and glassy all the way down.
They arrived at the peak of the mountain just before sundown.
Caroline hopped off the wagon and began to thank the man, but he had already turned his horse around and was hightailing it back down the glass road as fast as he could.
Thank you!
Caroline called after him.
The ground shook.
I think the monsters are coming, and they're going to see Caroline.
It shook again.
Maybe she could just be a little quiet, because what if she wakes up the giants and they come after her?
Caroline ran behind a large glass rock to hide.
A giant was lumbering straight toward her.
And a glass rock does not hide you very well.
She looked around, desperate for a better place to hide.
There, in the side of the glass mountain, was a small cave.
She ran for it.
The giant blew fire from his mouth, but she dove inside the cave just as the giant's fiery breath roared by.
Caroline crawled deeper into the cave, and deeper.
It glowed a glassy blue, and after a little while, she didn't have to crawl anymore.
The space became large enough that she could walk again.
Um, I think it's...
The swan that's in there because it's blue.
Interesting.
Caroline walked into a large chamber, and there waiting for her were the thirteen swans, and their wings fluttered softly when they saw her.
Where is my brother?
Caroline demanded of the tall blue swan.
You told me he'd be here!
The blue swan spoke solemnly.
If you wish to see your brother again, you must face three trials.
Haven't I done enough?
What do you guys think?
Has she done enough?
It's like these trials never end, right?
Poor Caroline.
She had to kill someone.
She had to kill someone.
Now she's got three trials.
She had to work for a king.
She had to sell a rose.
She had to drink hog's milk.
She had to drink hog's milk.
All I was thinking in my head this whole story was a bro.
Like, bro.
It's enough.
Like, her parents literally sold their children for free.
And they're broke, too.
So, like...
Caroline might have had it worse than any of our fairy tale heroes so far.
She just has got thing after thing after thing.
Haven't I done enough?
Caroline shouted.
And the swan said, Nearly.
So Caroline said, Fine.
Bring it on.
That's a big one.
It is a big word.
The swan warned Caroline.
These trials are no simple feat.
They may seem deadly, but remember why you are here and trust that, no matter what, you'll be taken care of.
The swans vanished, but the blue swan's final words echoed in Caroline's head.
They reminded her of something.
That's what the mom and dad said.
I think the mom and dad are the swans.
Caroline waited, alone in the glassy blue darkness.
Before long, the first of the challenges arrived.
The ground trembled as the giant's face appeared at the mouth of the cave, his fiery breath heating the air.
I know you're in there, little human.
The giant roared, his hot breath burning the rocks and plants outside.
Caroline's heart pounded, but she held her ground.
If you won't come out, I'll just rush you in there.
The giant blew fire straight into the cave.
The flames rushed toward Caroline, and she didn't move.
She let the flames engulf her, and somehow, She did not die.
What?
The giant breathed his fire again and again and each time the flames engulfed Caroline.
But they did not harm her.
Because everything was else magic and now she is magic.
Maybe like it was connected to like you always be taken care of.
Maybe it's like how she thinks of her brother and how she loves her brother and wants to get her back.
So her love for her brother protects her?
Yeah.
Finally exhausted, the giant stomped off and Caroline realized that miraculously she had survived the first trial.
But just as she had begun to relax, a massive snake slithered into the cave, its emerald eyes gleaming at her.
Again.
Caroline stayed calm.
The snake coiled its muscular, rippling body around Caroline.
It squeezed tighter and tighter.
But Caroline just thought, No matter what, we'll take care of each other.
The snake's grip constricted, but Caroline imagined that it was her parents wrapping their arms around her.
But the snake squeezed harder and harder and Caroline felt certain that her body could take no more and that in a moment she would be crushed to death.
And then, the large snake loosened its hold, slid away, and disappeared into the shadows.
No sooner had the snake vanished than the ground trembled once more.
This time, 12 enormous tortoises, each the size of a bathtub, lumbered into the cave.
Finally, the tortoises showed up.
The tortoises' filthy.
Cracked shells were covered in mud, trailing a sour, swampy stench that filled the air.
Caroline wrinkled her nose, recoiling from the sight.
She waited for them to trample her, or snap at her, or something.
They did nothing.
She stood up.
What?
What on earth am I supposed to do with you?
Caroline circled them.
They were revolting.
She tried shooing them out of the cave, but they stubbornly refused to budge.
She lay down, trying to encourage them to trample her.
They didn't even flinch.
Frustrated, she muttered, What do you want?
A hug?
A kiss?
Yeah.
As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew. she had to try.
With determination outweighing her disgust, she stood and walked to the first tortoise, wrapped her arms around its filthy, muck-covered neck and kissed the top of its head.
And just as she did, the tortoise shimmered and its swamp-covered skin and shell transformed, until before her stood her own mother.
Then her dad, then her brother.
Caroline's arms closed around her.
But Caroline pulled away and ran to the next tortoise and squeezed its neck and kissed its stinking head.
And instantly it transformed into her father, gazing down at her with pride.
I think the last tortoise is going to be the boy.
The second is her father.
Very interesting.
I have a question.
What is it with the stories so far this year where it's like you just have to keep kissing reptiles and amphibians or something?
How is this possible?
Caroline asked, breathless.
But then Caroline looked at the ten other tortoises.
Who are you?
She ran to the next tortoise and threw her arms around it and, well, she kissed its head too.
It shimmered and expanded and transformed.
Not into her brother, but into a regal woman.
Okay, I guess I just kissed a stranger.
But that didn't stop her.
Caroline wrapped her arms around, tortoise after tortoise each time, hoping the next would be her brother.
But with each transformation, she found only another random person.
Doubt crept in.
What if none of these tortoises were Elias?
Finally, she reached the last tortoise.
Caroline's heart pounded against her ribs.
Would this be her brother?
She had kissed a lot of strangers now, albeit in the form of very dirty tortoises, which maybe made it better or maybe didn't.
Anyway, she really hoped this was her brother.
Please be the brother.
I can't handle this.
I think it's going to be her brother, because who else would it be?
Another stranger.
She wrapped her arms around the wrinkly neck and as she did, she kissed the top of the tortoise's muck-covered head.
The creature began to glow just as before.
It transformed.
And at last, before her, stood Elias.
As they embraced, tears of joy streamed down their cheeks.
Finally, Caroline turned to her parents and demanded an explanation.
How did all of this happen?
Her father said When we left you at the inn, your mother and I were on the brink of freezing to death.
Suddenly the blue swan appeared and in a flash we were swans too.
Her brother elias, added the blue swan took me from the inn because otherwise the innkeeper's wife was going to feed me to the hogs.
Because you lost the game, said caroline.
And elias said right, and soon i became a swan also, and then, After you were swans, you became tortoises.
She brought us here, and yes, we turned into tortoises.
Caroline said, That's weird.
Elias agreed.
Super weird.
Then Caroline asked, But who was this blue swan, and where is it now?
Caroline's parents looked at each other, and then they looked at the other people, who had first been swans and then tortoises.
And everyone shrugged.
No one had any idea.
Caroline had one more question.
She marched up to her parents and stuck a finger in their faces.
You said no matter what, we'll take care of each other.
But you gave us away to the innkeeper's wife.
Why?
Why would you do that?
Her mother said, Isn't it obvious?
We didn't want you to starve.
We would never sell you to anyone, but we hoped that if we gave you away, you would live.
We were taking care of you as best as we could.
Elias walked up to Caroline and took her hand.
But you took even better care of us.
You saved us.
Caroline replied, You saved me too, a couple of times.
That was true.
They had all taken care of each other, no matter what.
And they lived happily ever after.
The end.
That's a good story.
Phil, you want more?
Yeah!
As Caroline slept, the innkeeper's wife, prepared a special stew.
No.
What's a stew?
Soup?
Yes.
A soup.
Did you predict that there would be a soup?
No.
Never.
Yeah, you totally did.
You said that there was going to be a soup.
When?
At the beginning of the story.
No, I meant like the lay was going to treat them like soup.
Oh, she was going to treat them like soup.
Yeah, like eating.
Yeah, because soup is dead because people eat the soup.
There's soup in my belly right now.
Well, she might treat Caroline very much like soup right now.
Yeah, like not nice.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Maybe the soup is very poisonous or might give you a heart attack.
Or maybe... Killed.
Maybe Caroline is going to go in the soup.
Far away on the high Caribbean seas roams a swashbuckling pigeon-loving, burrito-gobbling pirate who's well a bit different than the other pirates.
Introducing the new podcast, light catchers season one bob the bad pirate.
Bob the bad pirate wasn't bad because he liked to hurt people or call other pirates names like petunia pillow pants.
Bob the bad pirate was bad because he just wasn't very good at being a pirate.
Give her me tutors, we are pirates.
Listen now to Lightcatchers wherever you get your podcasts and learn more at BeALightcatchercom.
Light up the lanterns and follow me.
Patrick, let's go.
The clue is floating away in a hot air balloon.
I just need my detective's notebook.
Hey, sorry, this is kind of a bad time.
Claire and I just found a major clue and now it's airborne.
Long story.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that the parents behind Law and Order have something brand new for families.
Our podcast, Patrick Picklebottom Everyday Mysteries.
It's full of wild mysteries, surprising clues, quirky characters and big adventures hiding in small places.
Claire and I are solving a new mystery every episode, and we'd love your help.
Seriously, we can't crack these cases without you.
Patrick, it's headed towards the water tower.
Gotta go.
Listen on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.
And bring snacks.
Okay, I'm coming.
Hey, slow down.
Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a Penna original production.
Created, written, and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz.
Author of a tale dark and grim.
Co-written by Allie Horn.
Produced and edited by Kaylin West.
Associate producer, Rebecca Cunningham.
Field recording by Julia Martin.
Casting and voice direction.
Special thanks to all the kids who joined us in Staten Island and Brooklyn for our storytelling sessions.
You guys are awesome.
