Hey Story Pirates podcast listeners, Lee here!
Welcome to Story Pirates Summer!
We'll have new stories all summer for you, including today's brand new story about the age old conundrum of why outer space aliens seem to like farms so much!
Grownups guess what?
You can get twice as many new stories on your feed this summer by subscribing to Story Pirates Creator Club.
Plus subscribers get the ad -free version of the show and premium members even get to participate in a quarterly video meetup with Lee and Peter where we create a brand new story together for the podcast. But most of all, Creator Club members help us support the cost of the show so we can keep bringing it to you every week.
If you're already a Creator Club member, thank you so much. And if you want to join, you can do so by visiting storypirates .com or by subscribing right in Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Today's brand new story plus another edition of Roll Call Live with Lee and Peter coming up after a few words for the grownups.
Hey, grownups, see Story Pirates Live.
We're bringing the amazing adventure tour to more cities this fall in places like northern and central California, Idaho, Montana and Oregon.
We want to see you there.
Get tickets at storypirates .com slash live.
I believe all of the things in that story.
Human beings are just able to create the Story Pirates.
Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast. Have you ever heard of crop circles?
They're these really big, mysterious designs that show up in corn fields and on farms. And no no one really knows how they got there.
Were they made by sneaky humans just trying to confuse everybody, or were they put there by outer space aliens?
Well, the author of today's new story tells us what he thinks the answer is.
From 12 -year -old Logan in California, here's the real reason why aliens go to farms. Hey Jeffery.
Hey. Ahh, Lucy. Bonita.
Happy New Year. Can you believe it's 1981?
How rad is that? Yeah.
Totally tubular. I guess.
Are you okay? You're like flipping those burgers all nervous.
Sorry, you two just scared me is all.
Dude. Everything scares you.
That's not true. Water up.
Jeffrey, if you're going to work at this diner, you've got to get used to the bell.
Good luck with that, boss.
Chef's afraid of everything.
Come on, you two. Let's be nice to our new employee.
Thanks, boss. Here are the burgers for table 3.
Attaboy. Whoa. What are you making over there, Jeff?
Those don't look like our regular burgers.
Oh, just working on my own recipe.
I call it the corn burger deluxe.
Whoa, we've gotta try it to make fun of it!
But it's not ready!
We'll see about that!
Gimme! Hey! Wait, this burger is bodacious?
What? No way it's not grody.
Here, let me try. Whoa.
This is totally excellent!
The secret is my homemade cornbread bun.
I use corn from my family farm.
We want to make fun of you so bad!
But our mouths are full of delicious burger.
Thanks! I guess my dream is to open my own burger joint one day, in the mid to late 1980s.
We interrupt this episode of Three's Company for breaking news.
We are experiencing an alien invasion.
Whoa, I hope they're nice.
And these aliens are not the nicest to us humans.
They do not get along with earth.
Oh, man. Currently our extraterrestrial visitors are on a stealing spree, stealing gold, diamonds, money and other 1981 valuables with no end in sight.
Here's what the people on the street have to say.
Sir, can you tell us about your encounter with the aliens?
The aliens were tall, gangly, and super rude.
They took my Walkman right out of my hands and stuffed it in their mouths!
My favorite Blondie cassette was in there.
Scary stuff. Good luck to everyone out there, especially those who are easily startled.
Oh no! I know right?
Putting a Walkman in their mouth gagged me with a spoon.
No! An alien invasion?
What if they come here?
Why are there chances that the aliens would invade THIS burger restaurant?
I don't know Order up!
AHHH! Okay, everyone, show's over.
We got burgers to flip and people to feed.
But, boss, did you hear about the aliens?
Yeah, yeah, there's nothing to worry about.
We have state -of -the -art security here.
Besides, anyone who wants to come in here has to get through me.
And I took karate lessons as a youth.
I was a regular karate kid But...
But nothin', let's pack it in for today, and I'll see you all back here tomorrow.
Okay, boss. Hey, you both coming in early for the Breakfast Club?
What's the Breakfast Club?
It's a new club where we get here early, and eat breakfast, and not a reference to anything else.
Okay, I'll be there.
See you tomorrow. We're pranking him tomorrow, right?
Totally. I'm the first one here.
I'm actually really glad that Lucie and Bonita invited me to the breakfast club.
Maybe I'll make friends at my new job after all.
While I'm waiting, maybe I'll practice making some of my special corn burgers.
Ah, this is my happy place.
Making burgers with nothing around to scare me.
That must be Lucie and Bonita now.
Earthling! Ah, whoo an alien!
Open the safe and give us your money!
Um, I wish I could, really.
But I actually don't know the combination to the safe.
The boss does and he isn't here yet.
Maybe I can break it open for you or drop it or chew it.
Hey, please don't eat me.
Oh no. Well, Chef, are you serious?
How did you know my name?
And how do you know I'm serious?
Hahahaha. Chef, take a chill pill.
Is that how you would have handled a real alien invasion?
Benita? It's us. See?
What? The two of you were stacked on top of each other in a trench coat the whole time?
Yeah. Lucy, can I get off your shoulders now?
Jess, get down. Ow!
How am I ever going to open up my own Burger Join if that's how I would handle an alien invasion?
Maybe I'm just not cut out for my dream after all.
Yeah, we've been saying your dream is bad.
We've been very direct with our bullying.
Come on, Benita, let's get out of this costume and leave Jeff here to contemplate his life choices.
Huh, someone left the TV on.
This just in. The aliens are stealing even more gold, diamonds, and several of the most popular items of our current year, like Betamax tape, Castle Grey skulls, and that one Rubik's Cube you haven't solved yet.
Will they ever be stuffed?
What's the point of cooking these special burgers?
Lucy and Benita are right.
I should just give up on my dream and stay back here flipping someone else's burgers where it's safe.
Greetings, Earthland!
Aw, come on, you guys.
Haven't I been humiliated enough?
Not even I would fall for this again.
Debo forget -a -boo -ball!
Quit it, will ya? Ah, Jeff!
You're here early, cookin' some of your special burgers I see!
Morning, boss. Good morning, Jeffrey.
Good morning, aliens.
Aliens? Oh, relax, boss.
That's just Lucy and Benita.
What's Lucy and Benita?
Are those aliens? No. That's clearly you two in a trench coat.
Wait a second... Aliens!
Then stop! Ah, ha, ha!
Get away from my safe.
Ah, ha, ha, ha. The alien is trying to put the whole safe in the mouth.
I am so scared right now.
Me too. Me three. Wait, they keep trying to eat things.
I have an idea. Hey, aliens.
Huh? You want something to eat?
Well, what about these three corn burgers deluxe?
Order up. Om nom nom.
The aliens caught the burgers in their mouths!
Oh, we like cornbread and burger!
But no pickle next time!
Wait, that's all you wanted?
You didn't want to scare us?
You were just looking for something to eat?
Yes, of course! Why did we come across as SCARY?!
Ahh! We did it! Me, too!
Listen, aliens. If all you wanted was some food, you were welcome to it.
You can come to this planet and take all the corn you want from my family farm to make the bread and all the cows you want for the meat.
Okay. We won't take your other resources if you give us that stuff.
You have a deal. And by the way, this burger was righteous.
You could open up your own place.
Yeah, maybe I will.
And that's how I got up the courage to open up my own burger joint long ago in the ancient times of 1981.
Oh, yeah, if you were wondering what crop circles are, It's just aliens, saying thank you to me, Jeff, in alien language.
Isn't that nice?" Cool story boss, but, uh, we really should get back to work, though.
There's a line of tall wobbly guys waiting out the door.
We're rock backers!
Order up! We'll be right back after a few words for the grownups.
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And now it's time for story pirates roll call!
Welcome to Story Pirates Role Call where we take stories written by kids and we discuss them the way we would in rehearsal when we are adopting those stories for the Story Pirates podcast. Peter, welcome.
Thank you. Welcome - welcome to you.
Oh, thank you! Peter, would you like to read today's story?
Our first story. I would love to, Lee.
Our first story today comes to us from a five -year -old from Georgia named...
Get this, Peter! And Peter's story is called Mopsy and Teddy the Superhero Dogs.
Ahem! One time, Mopsy and Teddy were at their secret hideout, and they had a computer.
The computer said, alert!
alert! alert! and then the two superheroes flew to their super vehicles and went to planet badongieface.
then the superhero dogs went throughout the whole universe and they discovered something new.
they discovered a wormhole.
they went into the wormhole and they ended up in an upside -down crazy world.
suddenly people and dinosaurs came alive all around them.
and suddenly a dragon came.
But then everything transformed into bananas.
Then Mopsy and Teddy defeated the dragon.
Then they got in their flying ship and went back through the wormhole and landed safely at last. The end.
I love this story. So many great details in this story.
I feel like there is a lot of lore involved in this story that we aren't made aware of before it begins.
Well, just sort of drops us right into Mopsy and Teddy are in their secret hideout, and they had a computer.
Then there's this alert, which takes them to planet Badungi Face, which, I feel like in the story, planet Badungi Face has such little descriptive material about it.
And yet, by the time we leave, you feel like, oh, we've been to a place.
We really know that.
Actually, they leave quite quickly.
They almost leave immediately and go through out the whole universe.
You think Planet Badungi -face is gonna be the big set piece and they're like, it's a pit stop on the way to the wormhole.
The other thing I love about this story is that Peter, the author, has answered definitively, once and for all, whether dragons are just myths that were created by people who discovered dinosaur bones.
No. They are different creatures.
Dinosaurs and dragons are different creatures.
Yeah, I like that part.
Suddenly people and dinosaurs came alive all around them.
What a team! Who are these people?
Are they with the dinosaurs, or is this a people -dinosaur battle that's gonna happen?
No, they're cavemen who ride dinosaurs, I believe.
This is how I interpret it.
I really would love to own a dinosaur saddle.
Yeah, I ride dinosaurs bareback.
What kind? I hope it's not a stegosaurus.
No, it's not. You don't want to ride a stegosaurus.
No you don't. You want a smooth scale.
That's right, you want a triceratops?
It's a t -rex. Or a brontosaurus!
Although you'd be so far from its head, you'd be like, left!
That's okay, they're docile.
They eat plants. Yeah, but can they hear me telling them what to do?
Brontosaurus isn't a real thing.
When we were kids, we were grown up, brontosaurus was a thing.
And then one day a scientist was like, oh we put the wrong head on the thing.
that species that we've been celebrating actually doesn't exist, it's Brachiosaurus.
Really, there's no brontosaurus at all?
I'm 60 % sure. We're gonna have to fact check that.
Producer Andrew, can you fact check that for us?
Yeah, is brontosaurus real?
And I hope I'm wrong, cause I love brontosauruses.
I do, too, it's a good name.
Peter, incredible story.
Thank you so much for sending it in to us.
All right, let's move on to our next one.
Yeah, Lee, will you want to read this next story?
Yep, by 7 1 3 old Grace in Massachusetts.
Here is, I have the hiccups.
Ah, Mom, I got the hiccups.
Mom, oh no, there's only one way to cure the hiccups.
Eat 90 lampshades. Touch 50 hot glue guns.
Oh no! And? And what?
Mom, turn into a vampire.
What? No, no, no. Door opening.
Hahaha, I am a vampire.
Ahh, bite bite! Hahaha!
Okay, so we're vampires.
Yay! My hiccups are gone, hiccup.
I forgot to eat 90 lampshades and touch 50 hot glue guns!
One year later. Finally finished!
Yay! My hiccups are gone!
The end! This story is incredible!
There's a couple things that immediately jump out to me.
One, can we just say, you should never touch any hot glue guns!
let alone 50. That's right!
In fact, don't touch the glue gun without parent supervision.
But the point is, I think that comes through in the story.
There is nothing in this story that is advisable.
My second favorite moment of this story is, I'm a vampire, ah!
Bite, bite! I like to imagine he's saying, bite, bite.
Well, I like it too because bite, bite has a period and an exclamation point.
You'd expect someone to be like, bite!
but they're just like bite, bite.
I'm a vampire. Bite, bite.
Don't forget it's one for the mom and one for the daughter.
Bite, bite. Oh, I see.
Yeah, alright. We have one more story here for today.
Peter, would you do us the honors?
This last story was written by an eight -year -old from California named Grayson.
And Grayson's story is called The Wonky Dragon.
Okay. There once was a dragon that did everything wrong.
— One day, he read the toast and buttered his book.
He put his breakfast on his head and ate his hat.
He bought food at his car, then drove the market.
He said hi to his best friend, Banana.
Then he decided to eat lunch, so he ate his best friend, Banana.
After that, he was still hungry, so he ate his pets.
Apple One and Apple Two.
Then he brushed his bed and slept on his toothbrush.
The end. I love this story a lot.
Yes. My favorite one is drove the market.
And how do you think that happens?
How do you drive a market?
Is this an economic sense, or like literally going to the farmer's market and driving it?
He plug the steering wheel into the cement, into the pavement that all the farmer's market it was sitting on, and it ripped out of the ground and had little wheels, and he drove it.
And ironically, if you move the farmer's market across town, you're also driving the market.
That's true. You're driving the market for peaches, plums, apples.
Location is everything.
That's true. Wow. I also love, so the game is very clear, right?
He eats his book and reads his toast. He butters his book, and he reads his toast. Okay, so that's the game.
Very clearly established, and then about two -thirds of the way through, he throws us all for a loop.
He says hi to his best friend Banana, and then eats his best friend Banana.
Yeah, and then eats his pets, which is apple one and apple two.
You'd expect that he would eat his friend and then go to the movies with his Banana, but I like a story that goes, oh, here's the pattern.
This, this, this. You know how it or do you?
Yeah, no, just obliterate the pattern.
That's right. In the most hilarious way.
Regardless, this is an incredible story.
Grayson, incredible story, thank you so much for sending it in.
And before we go, we just need to check in with producer Andrew about Brontosaurus.
What is the verdict?
Brontosaurus and Apodosaurus were discovered at the same time, then a scientist said they're too similar, and so Brontosaurus is actually Apodosaurus, then in 2015 they said that actually these skeletons are different enough that they are two different dinosaurs, but people are still arguing over whether they're the same dinosaur or not.
And there's no Brachiosaurus involved?
No Brachiosaurus it's Apatosaurus and Brontosaurus that they're arguing over.
Okay, that's why I said 60 % sure.
I knew it wasn't all right.
But also make up your minds, paleontologists.
Yeah. Like you could just change every 10 years what you think is similar and different.
When I was a kid, I got a bunch of dinosaurs for Christmas.
they're my favorite and I put them all out in the little woods behind my house to pretend to stumble upon them and I never found the brontosaurus after that day.
So that's what's behind this.
Yeah! You're trying to erase the brontosaurus.
Then I found out it didn't exist at all and I was like did I ever have that toy?
Wow. And on that note, that's it for today's Roll Call.
To read all of today's Roll Call stories, just head to StoryPirates .com And remember, you can watch an even longer version of Roll Call on the Story Pirates YouTube page with help from your grown -ups.
And now it's time for you to write us a story because summertime is a great time to write stories.
Grown -ups can submit stories at storypirates .com and remember, we respond to every single story we receive.
That was roll call!
That's it for today's episode.
Thanks for listening and a big thanks to today's author, Logan.
We'll be back next week with more brand new stories.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
Bye! The Story Pirates podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios.
Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka.
This episode was produced by Sam Bear, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller, and Lee Overtree.
Recording sound design and mixing by Sam Bear at The Relic Room in New York City.
Theme song by Bobby Lord. Roll call theme by Andrew Barbato.
Musical scoring by Jack Mitchell.
Our head writers are Rachel Wynitsky and David Sitareff.
The real reason why aliens go to farms was adapted by Blaze Vaca.
Production coordination by Danisa Wortenby.
Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin.
This episode features performances by Colin Batten, Nicole Beckwith, Peter McNerney, Josh Nasser, Megan O 'Neil and Jasmine Romero.
You know, that story today was so funny but I mean aliens aren't actually real.
right hey what's that some kind of chip in the sky hey hey ship in the sky why are you shining a light on me
