You know what?
Sometimes I get sales fatigue.
Like, OK, I want a mattress.
So do I go on the weekend when they're having the special holiday mattress sale, or I want this piece of furniture.
Oh, but then don't forget they're going to have the special sale.
Oh, oh, this is so Josh.
We'll need something for the house.
And he's like, no, we have to wait until the whatever big holiday sale that's coming up.
And I know.
Well, guess what?
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You can skip the phony sales because they offer great low prices all year round.
They sell mattresses.
They've got their own Bobopedic memory foam.
It has a cooling cover and it comes with a warranty that's 10 years, longer than the typical.
Ye other place.
And it's priced so well.
And that's really the thing with Bob's Discount Furniture.
Everything is really priced amazing.
You don't have to wait for that big sale.
There to compare at Bob's.
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I'm Jenna Fisher.
And I'm Angela Kinsey.
We were on The Office together, and we're best friends.
And now we're doing the ultimate office lovers podcast just for you.
Each week, we will dive deeper into the world of The Office with exclusive interviews, behind-the-scenes details and lots of BFF stories.
We're The Office Lady 6.0.
Hello.
Hello.
I want to wish you guys all the best day ever.
You're very chipper.
I am.
Nice.
I love it.
I had some of those yogurt covered gummy bears.
Wait, what?
You haven't had a yogurt covered gummy bear?
It sounds medicinal.
It's not.
These are regular gummy bears covered in yogurt?
Yeah, how much THC is in there?
There's none.
There's none.
I'm like, is this explaining things?
I got them in like at Christmas.
From who?
From Odyssey.
To be fair, your energy does seem subdued.
Wait, you got them as well.
They were in our Christmas basket that they sent.
That was so nice.
And I was digging through that random snacks drawer in the pantry.
Josh was like, we got to clean out this next drawer.
He decided to do it five minutes before I was walking out the door.
But I was like, I'll take these yogurt.
And I ate them in the car.
I don't know what to tell you.
They're really good.
I mean, they're a couple months old, but they held up.
Okay, I'll look for them.
Highly recommend.
How are you today?
Well, lady, I've been better.
Oh.
And I'll tell you why.
Oh.
I am so full of eggs.
Eggs?
I don't think I've ever consumed so many eggs.
Why?
And I'm sad about it.
It's not going great for me.
I'm so confused by this.
Did you just make yourself a huge old omelet this morning?
So I'm trying to eat more protein to build my lean mass with my weight lifting.
And so I asked ChatGPT to suggest some high protein meals.
What did it say?
It said that a great breakfast is two eggs plus three quarters of a cup of egg whites.
Ew.
Scrambled.
And a piece of toast with some avocado.
What are you going to go chop down a tree?
Lady, can I show you a picture of how many eggs I ate this morning?
I made them and I was like, This would serve a family.
That's a large plate.
Yeah.
And I ate them.
You ate all of them.
I did it.
Do you feel a little gross?
You do.
I never want to eat another egg for the rest of my life.
I went to chat GPT and I wrote, I said, hey, that was too many eggs for me.
Could I get a different breakfast that's just as high in protein, but less volume?
And so it gave me some other suggestions.
I'll try maybe tomorrow.
But I still, I'm not over it.
It was three hours ago.
Yeah, you're egg heavy.
I am.
Yeah.
I should have had the gummy bear things you're talking about.
I'd be in a better mood.
Except I'm probably going to like sugar crash in like 15 minutes.
Well, my body better be making muscle right now.
That's all I have to say.
All right, body, get on it.
Listen, let's get to our fan chit chat question of the week.
This one is coming in from Jonathan S. in Tampa, Florida.
Jonathan wanted us to read his suggestion.
And here's what it is.
Jonathan says who is responsible for raising and lowering the toilet seat when at least one person in the household stands up.
This might get spicy.
Well, I have the answer to this question and no one will ever have to wonder again.
Okay.
But I'd like you guys to weigh in as well.
Okay.
Well, we've got two gals and two dudes here today.
Yeah.
Matt, Sam.
Can I say something?
Yes.
To me, this one's a no brainer.
Everyone's responsible for lowering.
The seat should be lowered at all times.
This was one of the three main things I think my mom taught me from my childhood is don't smoke cigarettes, don't drink and drive, and lower the toilet seat every time.
So your mom's point is if you raise it, then lower it.
Correct.
No brainer.
Yep.
Same with my mom.
And don't use your teeth to open things, packages.
You only get one set of teeth.
My gosh, I love how this is segued into advice from our moms.
This is terrific.
Yeah, my mom was like, this is the bathroom etiquette.
You lower the seat.
If you raised it, you lower it.
She also said, Angela, men live their lives by the pecker between their legs.
Remember that.
She told me that when I was 16.
I was like, oh, is this your version of a sex talk?
I was going to say, you picked up zero sexual phrases since then.
That's the last one I said to you that made sense.
That my mom said to me, and I wasn't quite sure what a pecker was, but I figured it out.
Great.
Here's my thing.
It's math.
I can bring it down to math.
Oh, you like math.
Yeah.
And you know what?
I love this.
If you raise it, then you lower it, I think is a great way to think about it.
But here's another way to think about it.
For the most part, women, pee sitting down and poo sitting down.
Both of the things they're doing on the toilet require the seat to be down.
Men, in general, pee standing up, And they poo sitting down.
Some pee sitting down, though.
Some do.
Fine.
Well, that makes my argument even stronger.
But what I'm saying is that two of the two things that women do on the toilet are seated.
One of the two things.
So there's four things happening on a toilet.
So three out of the four times someone goes to a toilet.
The seat needs to be down.
So this is math.
I'm curious, Sam, Matt, have you guys ever peed sitting down?
Yeah, absolutely.
That's music festivals all the time at porta potties.
Oh interesting, why.
Why then why?
Why is that?
When you're sitting, i'm usually that's when i'm standing to pee, i'm usually squatting squatting, i'm usually rolling at the point.
So i'm usually on mushrooms or something where i need i need to be sitting down, i need my full attention to not be peeing on myself.
I see yes wow, this is in the past.
In the past.
In the past um got it now the Kind of random but my grandfather they added on a little like side room to their house for like a little home office and they put a bathroom in it and he wanted a urinal.
So they had a toilet and they had a urinal and he was so excited about it.
And we as kids were just fascinated by it.
The girls anyway.
And then my dad.
When my mom and dad built their house out on our farm, my dad was like I want a urinal.
So there is a urinal in my mom and dad's bathroom.
I mean, that's incredible.
Yeah, I feel that.
That feels like how I needed my bidet.
I'm like mesmerized by that story and like in awe of it, like in a positive way.
I don't want to get us too far off topic, but what kind of bidet do you have?
Or what kind of, is it like an aftermarket one that attaches?
No, no.
It's a porcelain bidet that's built into the floor.
Okay.
It's a full other.
That's incredible.
Thing next to my toilet.
That's awesome.
In hindsight, I could have easily just done the one that attaches to my toilet.
But this was like 15 years ago and I didn't really know about that one.
Well, you're an early adopter.
Yeah, that's a bidet adopter.
They had them in our house in Indonesia, but it was my Barbie fountain.
I rented a home with a bidet and I got so attached to it.
When I bought my house, I was like, I need it.
Well, now they have the fancy toilet where the bidet is like part of the toilet.
Right.
Toto toilet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
While we're all here, what are we all on squatty potties?
Yay?
Nay?
Oh, no.
Nay.
Josh got one.
And it's a fad.
He gets into fads, guys.
He's like, this is how we're supposed to go.
Yeah, I remember when they were very popular.
I didn't notice a difference either.
We ditched it.
It didn't work for me.
My legs aren't long enough.
It put me in an odd position.
Yeah.
We can be done talking about all this now.
Jonathan, thank you so much for writing.
And clearly we all had a lot to say about that.
Thanks for sending in your chit chat.
All right.
Why don't we take a break?
And then when we come back, we are going to break down the paper episode seven titled I Love You.
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We do.
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Lady.
There is a mom at my school and she has I don't know how many different pairs of eyeglasses and they coordinate with her outfits in this really amazing way.
And I asked her, how are you doing that?
And she said, I get all my glasses at Warby Parker.
I love Warby Parker.
I just got a pair of glasses there.
If you have a narrow face, and I do.
So I get the narrow width and I just got a pair.
They're called the Wilkie Black Matte Eclipse.
Well, I went on their app and it's really awesome.
You put your face and you can just cycle through all the glasses and see what they look like.
I know.
It's great.
I think I'm going to get a pair of prescription sunglasses.
Oh, yeah.
I have a pair.
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Well, welcome back to I Love You.
Season one, episode seven, written by Alex Edelman and directed by Jennifer Salata.
I'm going to give you a summary.
Okay.
Marv is temporarily relocated to the newsroom.
You remember Marv.
He's like the head honcho, the big boss.
The older gentleman.
Yes.
So his move down to the newsroom while his office is being painted or whatever, forces the staff to confront their issue with authority figures and it brings up daddy issues for Ned.
Boy, does it.
Meanwhile, Esmeralda and Ken...
Team up to solve a mutual problem.
I'll leave it at that.
Well, we reached out to director Jennifer Salata and she sent us in some great tidbits.
We're going to share them throughout.
You guys all know that have been listening.
Jen is part of our office family for many years.
And it was so great to hear her voice.
Yes.
We're going to start with what I'm calling a fakey conference room meeting.
So Marv and his team, they're there.
They're in the big bullpen and they're watching.
And Ned is in the conference room with his crew.
And he's like, OK, he's watching us.
He's watching us like crazy.
Jump up and down.
High five.
Clap.
Oh, my gosh.
Point.
Yes.
And they're just acting like they're having this really great, awesome brainstorming meeting for ideas for the paper.
And Nicole says, why don't we just have a real meeting?
Adam thinks it's the most fun meeting they've ever had.
Yeah, but it worked.
Marv is watching them from across the room and goes, wow, impressive.
You know what this reminded me of?
What?
The scene from Boys and Girls, when Jan and all the ladies are in the conference room and Michael literally gathers all the men in the bullpen.
And he's like, OK, now everybody clap.
Everybody clap.
Laughing, laughing.
The difference is that Jan was not buying it at all.
No.
Marv was convinced.
Jan, not so much.
Not so much.
Well, now Ned is going to leave the conference room.
He's going to welcome Marv.
He's like, oh, I didn't even know you were there.
And he kind of sucks up to him a little bit.
He does.
And I want to shout out Alan Havey, who plays Marv.
He's excellent in this episode.
Jen actually sent us in an audio clip about working with him.
So I think we should hear it.
I directed episode 107 of the paper and I got to work with Alan Havey who played Marv, who was Ned's boss.
And he was brilliant, and I loved working with him.
And I thought that I just recognized him from TV, maybe from Mad Men or from movies that he's done.
And it wasn't until much later embarrassingly later that I realized.
Oh my god, I directed him on The Office on the episode called Promos, ninth season of The Office.
He played Esther's dad and he was trying to like swindle Dwight in some tractor deal.
And he was also fantastic in that.
Two very different roles, but I did not realize that I had worked with him before.
And he was just such a delight in the character of Marv and dealing with Ned and his daddy issues.
You know, it's so funny, Angela, the first time I saw him on the paper...
I had forgotten that he played Esther's dad as well.
I just remembered him from Mad Men.
But he's so different.
He's so different.
And we both had that moment of like, oh, crap.
That was, oh my God.
But, you know, in that episode, he has like a baseball hat on.
He's a little unshaven.
He totally transformed.
Yes.
But what... actor.
Listen, we're going to get to it about Ned's daddy issues, but there is something about Alan and the way he portrays Marv that I'm like.
It's like my dad.
I'd like to spend an afternoon with him.
He does.
I mean, he's perfect casting.
In this scene, Ned is basically just kissing up to Marv.
Ken is annoyed by it, but then Ken joins in on kissing up to Marv.
Yes.
Then the next scene, Ned is in his office and he's watching Mare through the blinds.
He's given her a card.
It's an apology card.
It's a photo of a basset hound.
The card was originally supposed to say...
Sorry, I missed your birthday.
But Ned crosses out some letters and write some stuff in.
So now it says, sorry, I misidentified your sexuality.
And Mare throws it in the trash.
Well, Jen had a little story to share about choosing this particular card.
Tiny little behind the scenes moment that I just remembered today was that when Ned gave Mare a card that said I'm sorry, I misidentified your sexuality.
I remember being presented from our awesome props department a bunch of Basset Hound cards and Basset Hound images to put on the card and trying to figure out which sad Basset Hound looked most like sad Donal or sad Ned.
And that was just... amazing.
What'd you do today?
I had to pick a sad pass down card.
Such attention to detail.
I know.
Well, now Mayor has a talking head and she basically says, you know what?
I don't need to be friends with everyone I work with.
And then she kind of goes after the documentary crew.
She's like, do you guys ever ask questions about journalism?
Yeah.
I guess they don't.
Apparently not.
I do have a wardrobe check for you.
What is it?
I love Mare's sweater.
I do too.
Right?
Yes.
Okay.
So I went on this website.
It's called wornontv.net, W-O-R-N, you know, wornontv.net to see if they might have the details.
And they did.
What?
Here you go.
It is a cashmere sweater made by Marnie and they're out of can't afford that.
I know.
And that's USA dollars.
So I went to the website because I'm like, that can't be right.
And I selected the US version, you know, and that's how much that sweater costs.
The Marni color block Wow.
And we're sure that she's not wearing like someone's knockoff version of this cashmere sweater.
It's for sure the one.
It's really beautiful.
I noticed it.
And I mean, I will share in stories because I have the link to it.
It is the sweater.
I don't think I could wear a thousand dollar cashmere sweater and leave the house.
I mean, we all know what I did with my watch that I thought was worth anything.
You put it in a safe deposit box.
If something's too expensive, I don't understand how people spend thousands of dollars on handbags.
Like, how do you ever take it anywhere?
That's how I feel about sunglasses.
Like, I am going to drop them, shove them in a purse by accident.
Here it is.
Look.
I have a picture of it.
The website is called Far Fetch.
There it is.
That's it?
That's it.
I didn't realize the one sleeve was all burgundy.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, I couldn't wear it.
I buy the knockoff version.
Probably wouldn't fit as well.
That's how they get you.
That's how they get you.
So next up, Marv is talking to Adam and Adam says, Marv, look at this old newspaper article.
There's this profile of you as a young businessman.
And Marv is like, oh my gosh, where'd all my hair go?
And Adam's like, I don't know.
That was a real question.
And then he says, oh, we also have an obituary ready to go for you.
So when you die, it's all set.
It's like, All I could think about is like how they have the Super Bowl winners baseball hats ready.
Oh, my God.
We talk about that all the time.
Yeah.
So they're like ready to go, but they don't know who's winning.
But they all immediately have a baseball hat.
It's so wasteful because there's like all this merch that then it just gets tossed trash.
Yeah.
I think about that every time I see them put the hats on within three seconds of winning.
I know.
But anyway, they have his obituary ready to go.
I mean, he lets Marv read it and Marv's a little bummed out by it.
He's like oh, maybe my life hasn't been as meaningful as I'd hoped.
Now that I read it in black and white.
I mean, I think it's like two paragraphs.
It doesn't seem like they put a lot of effort into it.
You know, when I worked at the local television station in college, we had some pre-edited obituary packages.
Oh, yeah.
Like they've got the video montage ready and the whole thing.
Especially if someone is maybe sick or like a very famous person is very old.
They kind of have it ready to go.
I remember thinking, my gosh, it's just so bleak.
Yeah.
But this led me on a deep dive.
Of what?
Did you know that there is a Wikipedia page that is a list of prematurely released obituaries of famous people?
Yeah.
I mean, the famous people are on the Wikipedia page.
I don't know if it's happened to non-famous people.
It probably has if they, for some reason, had a pre-written obituary.
But did you know that Rowan Atkinson has falsely been reported as dead three times?
In 2016, 2017, and 2018.
What the heck?
I don't know.
He's still alive.
Yeah.
And he's had to like... Say, hey, everybody.
Hey, guess what?
Yeah.
I don't know why that's happening to him.
Kirk Douglas had a draft of his obituary leaked on people.com in November of 2014.
And it still had the headline, do not publish.
Okay.
And he didn't actually die for another six years.
He was 103 when he passed away.
Yeah.
But then this one really got me.
P.T.
Barnum had a premature obituary published, but it was his request.
I guess when he took to his deathbed he said he would sure love to read what the papers would say about him.
So they printed his obituary two weeks before his actual death.
Oh, he wanted to be like basically privy to his own funeral.
Well, that's the thing.
I mean, people have sometimes said like, why can't I be at my funeral?
Like, can I hear all the speeches and how much people loved me?
It's kind of a shame.
I miss it.
Yeah.
So I guess that was his way of getting that.
But Marv was not interested in reading his obituary. premature obituary.
It bummed him out.
It really did.
Now we have a little sort of runner of people reacting to Marv being in the bullpen, like Detrick freezes around him.
Adalola says, oh, I don't like suck up to people.
But then she's like super overly chipper and smiley.
And then we're going to have a scene between Esmeralda and Ned.
She's got a stack of stories that Marv approved.
But Ned's like, wait, I had sort of scrapped some of those.
I have a question.
Yeah.
Why is Ned killing any stories?
Do they have so much content that he can just kill stories?
I feel like we're in a beggars can't be choosers situation here.
We 100% are.
This whole episode starts with a completely empty, dry erase board with the word story ideas and nothing under it.
And I'm like, how...
Are they putting out a newspaper every day?
Like I feel like they would be lucky to have a single weekend paper, not a Sunday paper too thick a Saturday once a week paper.
Here's what's happening around town.
Well, here's the thing.
Ned is going to go approach Marv about it.
And Marv is talking to Kimberly.
And as Ned approaches, he's like, hey, buddy, how you doing?
You know, Kimberly here, she just sold her one millionth roll of softies.
I noticed she was wearing the sweatshirt with the gray sheep that you pointed out, the softies logo.
Well, Ned is not impressed that she has sold one million rolls.
But I was.
And it got me going to the internet, lady.
What did the internet say?
Are you going to tell me like how far one million rolls of toilet paper stretches?
No, I'm sorry.
Is it to the moon?
No, I'm sorry.
I don't know that.
But I did Google real toilet paper salesman.
Just that.
Okay.
Real life toilet paper salesman.
And it brought me to one of those AMAs.
Yeah.
You know, online.
And I was fascinated by it.
What did you learn?
I mean so much, but I'm going to read you just a few things.
So this fella started off the AMA with this.
I am a toilet paper salesman.
I manufacture, sell, and distribute private label bath tissue, paper towels, napkins, and facial tissue.
People peppered him with all kinds of questions.
Also, they did a lot of poop bits.
This guy had to like put up with some poop bits, but here's one for you paper towels, napkins and facial tissue.
Well, I would think so.
He said, I actually haven't paid for toilet paper and paper towels in four years.
And I live in a house with three other roommates and we go through quite a bit.
Wow.
So there's that.
Also, someone said, what ply do you mostly sell?
And what is your preferred ply of toilet paper?
He says that they mostly make two-ply.
He prefers it as well.
The one-ply is for the people who only use one sheet count as the determining factor during the purchase.
One-ply is typically a thousand-sheet roll and feels like sandpaper.
Two-ply is absorbent and soft.
And frankly, most two-ply rolls are made as matches to brand names.
For instance, There are roles that his company makes for the family dollar store that are comparable to Angelsoft, which is the number one seller in the US, but theirs cost 2 less.
Huh.
Huh.
Right.
Also, you might be curious what sort of target demographics they really reach out to when they're doing their marketing.
And this fellow said, we target women, mostly ages 20 to 44.
They tend to do the shopping.
And after 45, Freddie, this is us, Jenna.
What?
They tend to be stuck in their ways.
Oh.
So you're not getting them to buy something new.
Anyway, it was very interesting.
And then they talked about how two-ply uses a little bit of glue, you know, to like, make it two-ply, and the process and how much money they make and whether something's embossed or have graphics, what graphics they choose and why.
It was very interesting.
I'm really attached to my toilet paper.
You're exactly what he said.
During the pandemic, when toilet paper wasn't really widely available and they didn't have my toilet paper for months, for months, when I finally got my toilet paper.
I don't want any of your other toilet paper.
We clearly aren't sponsored by a toilet paper company.
Wait, what about it?
I like the little grooves in it.
The ridges.
Yeah, but I just, it's exactly soft enough.
It's exactly right.
I really like it.
If I go stay at like an Airbnb and sometimes even a hotel in any city, I might, if I'm going to be there long enough, go buy a four pack of Cottonelle, Because I just I don't want any other toilet paper.
This guy's never selling me his toilet paper.
He knows that.
He's not even going after you.
He's not going to bother.
You know, during the pandemic, Rain was like, I've got a lead on toilet paper.
Did I ever tell you this?
No.
Oh my God.
He texted you?
He texted me.
If you need it, I've got a lead on toilet paper.
It's just funny to me that I got that from Rain.
And he was like, there's this bamboo toilet paper.
And you can get a whole box of it right now.
And I was like, you're kidding me.
This is amazing.
We're going to get toilet paper.
And so I ordered it.
I have never hated a toilet paper more.
I hated it so much.
Too grainy.
I don't even, I was like, who likes this?
I wrote him back angry.
I was like, rain, you like this?
You like this toilet paper?
Like say it to me.
Like with a straight face, like you're loving this toilet paper.
He's like, I love it.
I love how it feels like I have no complaints about it.
I'm like, well, I don't understand you.
Like it's a big rift in our friendship, this toilet paper.
You know what I'm saying?
He's also a little crunchy.
I guess so.
Well, anyway, so I didn't want to be wasteful.
So I didn't throw it away.
And every once in a while every once in a while, like a roll, makes it high up on our shelf in our laundry room.
I don't know how it even gets down.
They'll be, and it enrages me.
I'm so angry.
By the way, a million rolls of toilet paper will get you about 8% of the weight of the moon.
Thank you, Sam.
All right, well, we can move on.
I found that fascinating, lady.
I really did too.
I read the whole AMA.
Josh just texted me.
We use Cornell toilet paper.
Cornell?
That can't be right.
Cornell?
Cornell.
From the, from the, oh, he then cut, he edited. use Cottonelle.
Oh, yes.
I didn't even know.
Well, you know what?
I can come to your house and go to the bathroom.
You know what?
You've never complained about the toilet paper at my house, and now I know why.
I didn't even know what we used.
Why do I feel like Josh... like the Cottonelle people are no people.
Yeah.
He's very specific.
In fact, I am remembering one time he was out of town and I bought a bunch of toilet paper and he was like what, what is this?
He's a Cottonelle person.
He just sent me a link.
He said Ange.
The Cottonelle toilet paper features a unique cleaning texture that removes more with each wipe, leaving you feeling clean and refreshed.
It's a popular product.
I mean, I knew it.
I knew it.
Yes, I do.
All right.
Anyway, Ned is now with Marv and he's saying to him you know, having you here is kind of disrupting things.
And Marv is like, I totally understand.
I'm sorry if I overstepped.
You don't need grandpa giving out sweets.
Big boss daddy with the fancy tie.
I get it.
And then he starts to leave his office and he's like, be good, kiddo.
Love you.
Yeah.
He says, love you.
He's like on his phone.
He's kind of distracted.
And Ned kind of follows Marv out to the bullpen.
And he says, I love you.
Oh, yeah.
It washed over him like, man, he needed that sort of affirmation. pen.
It's super awkward.
And this whole thing, it's very complicated because also we've got Ken and Esmeralda.
They're sort of watching all of this happen.
Judgy watching from a distance.
Yes.
And so there's a lot happening here.
So Jen sent in an audio clip where she talked about planning this very complicated shoot of all these multiple locations.
And it has a very surprise ending.
I liked it.
I remember how difficult it was for me to figure out how to block the scene where ned pulled marv into the conference room and then ken and esmeralda and nicole were listening outside and atalola and travis were also listening outside.
Trying to figure out where to put the cameras so that they wouldn't see each other but then also have the camera movement feel real and feel fluid was really challenging.
And I would go down on set all the time when the actors were there and also when the actors weren't there, and just try to think of how, you know, would I put the cameras here?
Would I put the cameras here?
And one time that I was down there, I think the actors must have not been there.
So it was kind of dark on the set and I was sprawled out with my diagrams and I ended up seeing like this sort of shadowy figure walking down across the set and into Esmeralda's office and then coming out and I looked up and it was Susie, who's the production designer extraordinaire, and I was like what are you doing here?
Like I'm, what am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
And she was eating lunch and she went to Esmeralda's office because she knew that Esmeralda had some good Italian olive oil, because Sabrina's Italian and Susie is Italian.
And Susie was like, this is the only good olive oil on this whole lot.
So I don't know if that'll be interesting to listeners, but it just delighted me a little behind the scenes.
To Me too.
If we ever get to visit again, I want to go try that olive oil.
Right?
Yeah.
It does remind me how I always knew if I wanted a little piece of candy, that Phyllis had candy in her desk drawer.
Yes.
Exactly.
Well, why don't we take a break?
And when we come back, we've got more of this.
Ned, I love you business, plus a little around the town.
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We are back and it's time for Office Ladies Around the Town.
Sam?
Around the Town.
There it is.
I love the fireworks.
I do too.
Our first bit of news is coming in from Katie G. in Idlewild, California.
Katie says, I live in a very small town in Southern California called Idlewild.
Our town's mayor is a dog.
Yes, I'm serious.
He is a golden retriever named Mayor Max and is somewhat of a local celebrity.
He even has his own calendar.
How cute is that?
Mayor Max.
Mayor Max.
Our next Around the Town comes from Megan W. in West Fargo, North Dakota.
Megan says, my 10-year-old son, Bo, earned his first degree black belt in taekwondo.
He worked his way up through the tiger and junior programs.
The final part of the test is breaking boards.
Students have three attempts to break the boards, one with your hand and the other with your foot.
He crushed literally and figuratively the boards on his first try.
Bo, congratulations.
This is fantastic.
Yeah.
And finally, Trish M from Skagway Arkansas, says on Friday January 16th, somebody made a Facebook post complaining that somebody else had bought all the eggs from the grocery store.
Oh, Jenna, this is like very topical.
Oh my gosh.
It was heavily implied that it was the local cafe.
And there was a call to boycott.
Oh, in protest.
The owner of the cafe then said he has his eggs delivered.
The whole town was up in arms over the egg lord.
So many memes and AI pictures were made.
Trish says, I love living in a small town.
Trish, Trish the hubbub.
Did you ever figure it out?
Who bought all the eggs?
It wasn't me, Trish.
It wasn't me.
I promise.
I was just going to ask, Jen, are you sure you're not the egg load of Skagway, Arkansas?
Also, if there was ever a mom detective's case, this is it.
Oh, oh, my gosh.
We've got to go to Skagway, Arkansas and solve this case.
I want someone to design us a tricked out van like a minivan.
Well, you wrote trip to Arkansas.
We're going to figure out who ate all these eggs.
Well, you guys, thank you so much for writing in your around the towns.
We're going to continue sharing these as we break down the paper.
They're just such a bright spot.
I really enjoy them.
I do, too.
All right.
Let's keep breaking down this episode of the paper.
Everyone's going to weigh in on how they feel about Ned telling Marv, I love you.
Yeah, they kind of just all tease him.
Nicole walks up to Detrick and does a spoof of that famous quote you know by Julia Roberts' character.
You know the one.
I'm just going to play it, okay?
Oh, okay.
Don't forget, I'm also just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.
So Nicole spoofs that, and Detrick's like, you know what, I don't think you should joke about this.
And she's like, relax.
I was just quoting Love Actually.
And now are you ready for a reason 110 why I don't think Nicole deserves Detrick?
Yes.
He said it's from Notting Hill.
But whatever.
Yeah.
He knew it was from Notting Hill.
Of course.
The reason she's just a girl is because she's explaining just because I'm a famous actress.
I'm also just a regular person who has feelings and wants to be loved.
Right.
Right.
Not love actually, Nicole.
Not love actually, Nicole.
So I know in this episode, Ned is saying I love you to this father figure who is his boss.
Yeah.
But it just got me curious in general about just I love you.
Like when do people say I love you in a relationship?
Got it.
So what is your guess?
How long do you think people typically wait after they've started dating to say I love you?
Six months.
Okay, Sam, Matt?
Four to five.
And Sam, you're with me on six months?
Yeah, I'm going to second that.
Okay.
Well, according to research performed by eHarmony, the average amount of time in Australia I guess this is an Australian poll is two months.
Oh.
And one in 10 people say it less than a week into a new romance.
Oh, well, they should pump the brakes a little bit.
Okay.
Well, according to Psychology Today, there was a study published in 2011 in the Journal of Sociological Psychology and they said that the typical amount of time was three to four months.
And they broke down who was more likely to say, I love you first, men or women.
Can you guys guess?
Women.
Sam?
Sam?
Women.
Matt?
I'm going to say men just to spice things up.
Well, I would only say women because I feel like women are more at ease expressing their emotions.
Well, Matt is correct.
Men, on average, men say I love you six weeks earlier than women.
It took men about three months to say I love you and women, it took five.
There was also a study conducted across Europe that found that men took on average 107 days to say I love you, whereas women took 122 days.
Okay.
There you go.
Well, I found that very interesting. in Australia.
You get to it.
People in Australia are ready to love you right after two months.
So yeah, it's nice.
Go Australia.
I know.
Well, the sort of ribbing continues.
Barry makes fun of Ned.
Adelola asked him if his dad and Marv belonged to the same yacht club.
And I just want to note for anyone working on the paper, I feel like Ned's show Bible would have a big entry with this episode.
Okay.
Ned says, okay, my dad doesn't have a yacht.
He's a pilot.
He owns a Piper Cub twin engine.
He once had a crash land in a field like Harrison Ford.
That's definitely show Bible material.
Father flies planes and doesn't say I love you.
Yeah.
There you go.
Continuing with Ned's show, Bible Mare is going to say look, it's not my job to talk about Ned or the fact that his dad cheated on his mom and forgot his birthday two weeks ago and recently started blood thinners.
How does Mare know all of this?
I mean, how much are her and Ned talking about real personal stuff?
I guess a lot.
A lot.
Ned is going to address the bullpen and basically be like, stop making fun of me.
And then he kind of pokes fun at Barry in an awkward way.
He's just getting things way more cringy.
And Oscar has a talking head.
I loved it.
And we haven't heard a ton of Oscar talking heads yet in the series.
So I want to play it.
Ned seems to be working through something today, which he definitely should be doing.
But maybe not at work.
Well, now we're going to cut down to, is this their sort of version of a warehouse, I guess?
Ken and Esmeralda have sneaked off to talk. so glad you did.
It's not my chef's kiss of the week.
I've decided to start a new bit.
Lady called chef's kiss of the week, where I highlight my absolute favorite moment from the episode.
But this is my chef's kiss number two.
Okay.
Well, I titled it plotty McPlotters.
I can't wait.
Well, I knew Ned was ambitious, but I love you.
My God.
How will I get him fired now that he seduced the old man?
Well, there's no way of squeezing between Ned's lips and Marv's ass, is there?
We need to get rid of one.
The lips?
No, the ass protects the lips.
We need to remove the ass.
We need to get rid of Marv.
The ass protects the lips.
I love them together.
So they're going to come up with a plan.
They're going to take Marv out.
They see their opportunity to replace him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, they think they're making all these plotting and schemes in private, but then the camera pulls back and we reveal the janitor is napping and has heard the whole thing.
Yeah, it's Nate, the building's janitor.
And he just chimes in and goes, this sounds risky to me.
Now we're going to cut to the little lunchroom.
We've seen them eating here before.
This is where they get their salads.
There's obviously like a little place where you can get sandwiches and salads in the building.
And Marv is having lunch with his secretary, Ann.
Love her.
Ned is going to enter and he's going to like kneel down at their table, get real low.
And he's going to say, hey, Marv, I'm going to be leading. and says, too much grease.
We need you healthy.
Lady, this is when this episode, like it had been a little hard for me.
But when I got to this point.
Yeah.
I was like, oh my God, this is cringier to me than Scott's Tots.
When he says, do you want to come watch me?
I started turning in on myself.
And then from this point forward, it just became almost unbearable for me.
To me, this is truly like Scott's Tots level cringe.
Well, there's someone who agrees with you, lady, about the cringe factor matching Scott's Tots.
It's Elizabeth M. from West Lafayette, Indiana.
Elizabeth says, quote, I loved watching the paper, but this episode was so hard for me.
This felt like a worse Scott's Tots, because Donald Gleeson plays this poor man desperate for attention and approval so well.
I was wondering if you know how he prepared to play this episode so earnestly.
With a lesser actor, this whole episode could come off gimmicky and insincere and But Gleeson really makes you believe everything his character does.
I think that's why it's so hard to watch is because he's so believable.
He's so earnest.
Yes.
Like he's playing it so incredibly real that it just... And also, I think he's playing it so honest.
I need someone to pull him aside and be like that would be mayor.
If they weren't on the out, they weren't fighting.
That's the thing.
He would not have gotten this far if mayor was engaged with him.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, next up, Esmeralda and Ken have pulled Nate aside.
They're like, did you overhear us?
He's like, yes.
They're like, did you hear the whole plan?
He's like, I did.
And now they've got to win him over.
Yes.
They need him on their side and not like sharing this with anyone else.
So they're like, what if we give you like a great new job?
Mm hmm.
And all you have to do is never tell anyone what you heard.
They're like, we could make you the head of marketing.
Yeah.
And I love this part where he says, he's like, you know what?
Gosh, I just want to make sure I could do like a good job at this new job.
You know, like he's like, I want that.
But like, will I be good at it?
They're like, you'll be great.
So sweet.
Nate is played by comedian Nate Jackson, and he's really good in this.
He's super funny in it.
Well, now we're in this conference room meeting when Ned is pitching story ideas, and he pitches one about the toll roads and no one likes it.
It doesn't sound interesting.
And then Marv is going to pipe up and he pitches the idea of Jeep week.
Jeep like the car, right?
Yeah.
And everyone is really enthusiastic.
And Ned's like, no, no, no.
But the toll roads and everyone's like, we want Jeep week.
And then there's this back and forth.
And ultimately, Marv is going to excuse himself.
And Ned is furious with his team.
And he's like, you made me look stupid in front of the boss.
Because he's like a little kid.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Well, next up, we're going to have a Nate talking head.
He is so excited about his new job as head of marketing.
He's explaining some of the research he's already done.
He really feels like Enervate is not taking advantage of their social media.
Ken and Esmeralda are coming down the hallway and they see Nate talking to the camera crew and they quickly run up and they're like, oh what?
You talk to the camera crew now and Nate's like, yeah, but it's fine.
I mean, the camera crew, they already know about your evil plan.
They asked me about it.
So now Esmeralda and Ken spiral and they do this ridiculous joint talking head where they say you know what?
We were just practicing a play because we're writing a play.
We were practicing a possible scenario for one of the characters.
And yeah, they are backpedaling, backpedaling.
This is my chef's kiss moment of the episode.
We are practicing a play.
Well, we're writing a play.
Yes.
It's the truth.
We are writing a play together.
Our first.
Our first.
Hello.
We're just trying to work out what one of the characters would do in a certain scenario.
Yes.
In a certain scenario, these characters would take over.
Which is a very common plot in so many plays.
Well, a mutiny, basically.
I mean, it's been done to death, so why not do that again?
Why not?
But not.
But not.
We could do anything else.
We could do a movie about a musical about a movie about a musical about a movie about a musical.
Right?
What it was, was it was a loyalty test.
Yes.
We were testing Nate's loyalty.
It was a loyalty test.
Because...
Janitors more than anyone.
They have to be loyal because of the stuff they find in the trash or in the toilets.
I just thought it was amazing.
They just kept expanding and expanding in their crazy silliness to cover up this moment.
And none of it seemed like lines.
None of it seemed like dialogue.
It really seemed like two people in a furious backpedal.
Mm-hmm.
I love this pairing.
Same.
I could watch way more Ken and Esmeralda up to hijinks.
I have to imagine they absolutely love getting to do scenes together.
They have such great chemistry.
Well, this next scene is the one I titled Cringe Much.
Ned writes the Jeep story.
And he walks up to Marv and hands it to him and he goes, here it is, but I hated it.
And Marv is like, well, then fine, just scrap it.
He's the editor.
So then Nate dramatically crumples it up and tries to throw it towards the trash and he misses.
And then Marv grabs another piece of paper and crumples it up and says, here, try it again.
And then...
It's so weird.
Ned's like, I don't like you.
You're mean.
I don't love you.
It's so awkward.
Lady, just hearing you describe it is making me uncomfortable.
This was the scene that I was like, I don't even know.
Yeah.
And then Marv just apologizes and leaves.
And I'm like, I don't know, like, Ned would be fired, right?
Here's what this episode did for me.
It really took me on this ride because I was on like one of my favorite comedy rides ever with Esmeralda and Ken.
And then I was brought into this just like cringe city, with Ned and this Jeep and this Marv and the throwing of the trash.
But then, right after that, They put me back on the comedy ride with Marv's secretary Ann storming in and shaming Ned.
It was so great.
She was like, make it right, Ned.
She's like, go up to Marv and make this right.
And she said also that obituary didn't do him justice.
Yes, Oscar is going to come in And be a bit of a voice of reason.
And he's going to tell Ned, I agree with Anne.
Yeah.
You need to fix things.
But then, lady, Ned thinks that the way they're going to fix things is by writing a better obituary.
Yeah.
And then all I could think of is he gets the whole team in on it.
They group write this obituary.
And I'm like, you know what?
I'm staring at an empty whiteboard.
There's no stories.
This is my point.
How do they do it?
A daily paper with multiple articles.
This one was going to be real thin.
Well, while all of that's going on, Ken and Esmeralda are, you know, Operation Cover Our Tracks.
So they're going to meet with Marv and they're going to tell him that Nate the janitor is taking drugs.
Yes.
The hard stuff that makes them invent crazy stories of conspiracy.
And you see this news wash over Marv and how saddened he is by it and concerned.
And I just was reminded just in this moment of what a fantastic actor Alan Harvey is.
He's so good.
He's so good.
And Marv is going to go up to Nate.
Yeah, we see this scene in the distance where it looks like they're knelt in prayer.
Yeah.
And Nate kind of looks up and winks at them.
And then they start to sing.
It's kind of an amazing moment.
And Jen has a little behind the scenes for you about it.
Let's hear it.
One moment that was improvised, I'm not sure exactly by who, but there was an improvised moment between Marv and Nate when they were praying.
Nate started singing Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.
I don't know if that was his idea or if it was Alan's idea, but I'm pretty sure it came from one of the two of them in that moment.
They both started singing the song and it was just so brilliant.
So that was one of my favorite improvised moments in that episode.
I mean, that's so great.
Wow.
Nate sings with this rich voice and then Marv just instantly comes right in.
Yeah.
Amazing.
You know what?
I'm wondering though.
What?
I mean, so that was improvised, which means they used it and then they had to pay for it.
They had to get the song rights.
Exactly.
Well, now I think the final nail in the cringe coffin is.
Ned is going to present Marv with the obituary and he begins to read it.
And Marv just stops him and he's like hey, you know, whatever this is, we don't need to talk about it.
We don't need to do this.
Okay.
I'm not going to shut the paper down because of this personal issue that you're having.
I'm not your dad.
You know?
Yeah.
He's like, the only reason I would shut this paper down is if it stopped making money.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he said, you know what?
I just found out that this really sweet man is battling a drug addiction.
I'm going to put my energy there.
Yeah.
And Ned's like, okay.
And he leaves the obituary with him.
I do want to point out at 20 minutes and three seconds, a Pepsi can on Marv's desk.
Really?
Oh, presented like Pepsi can.
Do you think that was left behind?
No, I think it's product placement.
You think it's on purpose?
Yes.
Come on.
It's so like blatantly in the shot.
Yeah.
But wow.
Oh, yeah.
Huh.
I mean, maybe that's how they paid for a swing.
Maybe it is.
They're like, someone get me a Pepsi.
Well, Marv is going to have this talking head that is so good.
He says, listen.
True love isn't something you just say.
It's based on like a long time together.
Kids don't understand that.
You don't have to say it to people that you actually love.
And then Ann knocks on the window behind him and says, like Marv, don't forget to take those vitamin D pills.
And Marv turns back to camera.
He kind of smiles and he's like, 42 years.
Couldn't do it without her.
My brother's wife.
We got a fan letter from Colette F in Reno Nevada who said I cannot wait to hear you ladies talk about season one, episode seven of The Paper.
I love you, particularly the end with Anne and Marv.
They are clearly in love with each other, right?
And she's married to his brother.
I just love their relationship because you can see clearly how much they care for each other.
It's sweet and seems to not cross I mean, they eat lunch together every day.
They spend all day together.
I mean, it doesn't cross the line, but you do wonder.
I mean, we learned in this episode that Marv has no children.
Has he never been married?
Has he held a candle for this woman all these years and didn't ever want to break his brother's heart?
That is so old fashioned romantic.
That's like out of one of your movies that you like.
The Age of Innocence.
Yes.
I love that book.
Just to be able to admire her every day is enough.
Yeah.
Just from afar.
Mm hmm.
Oh.
Well, it's now after hours.
The documentary crew is still there.
Nate is vacuuming the floor.
Everyone else is left.
And the camera zooms in on a computer screen.
And we see these text messages popping up between Ned and Mare.
I guess she's turned in a story.
He says, thank you.
And then she says, you know, basically, for what it's worth, he said, love you first.
And then Ned is like, right?
Yes, he feels seen.
He's like, right?
And then they go back and forth.
He's like, well, thanks for not piling on.
And she's like, oh, I've been saving them up.
And then she just does a series of texts kind of making fun of him.
Yeah.
For having this like dad issue with Marv.
And that's how it ends.
Yeah.
Maybe she's forgiving him.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I guess Ned and Marv are going to be okay.
It seems like it.
Yeah.
Well, there you have it, everybody.
That was episode seven of the paper.
We've only got three more of these left.
Yeah.
Big, big thank you to Jen Salata for answering our questions.
She's always just the absolute best.
And I loved hearing her voice.
Guess what I found?
What?
I just looked through my photos and I found that picture of me that I sent you, next to the Cottonelle.
It's from September 23rd, 2020.
That's how long it took me to find my favorite toilet paper.
Months.
Look, there it is.
And yet you're very happy.
You're so happy there.
I know.
You and Josh and your Continental.
I love it so much.
We're not even sponsored by them, you guys.
Maybe we should be.
All right.
Well, we'll see you next week.
Thanks again to Jen.
And we hope you have a good one.
See you next week.
Thank you for listening to Office Ladies.
Office Ladies is a presentation of Odyssey and is produced by Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey.
Our senior producer is Matt Beagle.
Our audio engineer is Sam Kiefer and our associate producer is Ainsley Bubbico.
Odyssey's executive producer is Leah Reese Dennis.
Office Ladies was mixed and mastered by Bill Schultz.
Our theme song is Rubber Tree by Creed Bratton.
I'll see you next time. go ahead, get picky.
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