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WBUR Podcasts Boston Think about a time you complained.
We've all done it, griping about something or someone we're annoyed with.
Sometimes our complaints are well-founded.
It makes sense that we're irked.
But as we'll hear in today's tale, there can be an awfully fine line between sense and nonsense.
The End I'm Rebecca Shear, and welcome to Circle Round, where storytime happens all the time.
Today, our story is called The Fourth Post.
It's inspired by tales told in a number of places, including Great Britain Italy, Russia and the Philippines.
Some really great people came together to bring you our version of this folktale, including Jeff Meacham, known for playing Josh in the ABC comedy Black-ish, and Principal Bradford in the Nickelodeon series The Thundermans.
He's currently starring as vampire dad Boris Hauntley in the Disney Junior series Vampirina.
So circle around, everyone, for the fourth poster.
Alfie was a substitute teacher.
For years, he had been stepping in for full-time instructors when they needed time off.
Alfie adored teaching, but he yearned for a class of his own.
So you can imagine his delight when he applied for a full-time job at a faraway school and got it.
This is so great.
I'll move to my new town.
I'll rent an apartment.
Then once I start my job, I can save up enough money to buy a house.
It seemed like a great plan.
But when Alfie arrived in his new town, he made an unexpected discovery.
There's not one apartment around here that I can actually afford.
Everything is so expensive.
I need to live somewhere.
So if I can't rent a place, then I'll build one.
I'll scrounge up some wood and put up a cozy cabin at the edge of town.
Alfie got to work collecting whatever bits and scraps of lumber he could find.
He managed to gather enough wood for the floor, ceiling and walls, but he only had enough for three posts.
I need four posts to hold up my cabin's roof.
Hmm, since I can't afford to buy a fourth post.
I'll go and see the local carpenter.
I'll ask if I can borrow a post.
Yeah, I'll pay them back once I start my teaching job and have some money in the bank.
When Alfie entered the carpenter's shop, he was greeted by a stocky fellow wearing overalls, a tool belt and a name tag that read Albert.
Hello there.
How can I help you today?
Alfie?
Alfie Betts Soup?
Is that you?
Alfie's stomach did a flip-flop.
Alfiebet Soup was his nickname back in school.
Inspired by the old cafeteria standby of Alphabet Soup chicken broth with pasta alphabet letters.
The name was given to him by the school bully, a stocky, bossy kid named Albert.
Wow, I didn't recognize you.
Really?
But we spent so much quality time together when we were kids.
Remember how you used to help me with my homework?
Alfie cringed.
He had not helped Albert with his homework.
He had done it for him.
If he dared to refuse...
He would find a heap of sand in his rain boots or a can's worth of shaving cream in his backpack.
So, tell me, Elfie Bitsoup, how can I help you today?
Elfie hesitated.
He didn't want to ask his childhood nemesis for a favor, but what choice did he have?
Well, Albert, I'm looking for a wooden post so I can finish building a cabin at the edge of town.
I can't afford to buy a post at the moment, but I've got this great new gig teaching at the school.
Once I start earning money, I can pay you back.
Alfie held his breath, awaiting Albert's response.
If they were still kids, Albert would no doubt grab Alfie's head and give him a noogie.
Or grab his underwear and give him a wedgie.
But instead, he grabbed Alfie's hand and gave it a shake.
You've got yourself a deal.
You could use one of my posts.
Alfie could hardly believe his ears.
I can use one of your posts?
That's amazing!
Thank you, Albert.
I'll pay you back just as soon as I can.
Oh, come on.
An old friend doesn't have to pay me anything.
Not one cent.
Alfie's jaw dropped.
An old friend?
Not one cent?
Clearly his old nemesis had turned over a new leaf.
Albert...
I'm so grateful for this.
I'll put the post to use right away.
And he did.
Now that Alfie had his fourth post, he worked day and night to finish his cabin.
By the middle of summer break, it was done.
Early one morning, while snoozing on a second-hand mattress he had found, Alfie was jolted awake by a pounding at the door.
Oh!
Who could that be?
I'm not expecting any visitors.
Oh, and it's barely past sunrise.
When he slid into his slippers and pulled the door open, who should he find standing outside?
Good morning, Alfie Bitsoup.
But, Albert.
I've come to collect my cash.
Alfie yawned and rubbed his eyes.
I'm sorry, Albert.
I just woke up and I'm kind of groggy.
What cash have you come to collect?
The cash you owe me for the post.
The cash I owe you for the post?
Alfie was no longer groggy.
He was gobsmacked.
But, Albert, you told me that an old friend doesn't have to pay you anything.
Not one cent.
Yeah, I did tell you that.
But come on, Alfie Betts Soup.
Since when are you an old friend?
Alfie felt his heart plunge into his slippers.
I can't believe this.
You weren't being serious.
It was all a trick.
Of course it was a trick, Alfie Betts Soup.
You know I always love pulling a fast one on you.
Like the time I unscrewed the shower head in the locker room and put hot pepper inside.
Then I screwed the head back on before you took your shower.
Alfie shuddered.
He had smelled spicy for days after that stunt.
Listen, Albert, I told you, I don't have any money.
Once my teaching job starts, I can eventually pay you back, but until then, I don't... Nope!
Negative!
Not on your nelly.
You either give me the cash now, or you give me the post.
Alfie threw up his hands.
I can't give you the post.
Look, it's holding up the roof of my cabin.
The whole place will fall down if I take it out.
Not my problem.
Look, if you can't give me the cash and you won't give me the post, then I'm giving you a summons.
You and I will go see the judge in the capital city.
Word has it she's one tough cookie.
So be ready first thing tomorrow, Alfie Bettsoup, because I am taking you to court.
What will happen when Alfie and Albert face the judge?
We'll find out after a quick break.
I'm Rebecca Shear.
Welcome back to Circle Round.
Today, our story is called The Fourth Post.
Before the break, Alfie's childhood nemesis Albert, was taking him to court in the capital city, many miles away.
Alfie didn't talk much as they walked down the road.
Albert, however, prattled on.
Remember that time I stuck your rear end to your desk chair with chewing gum?
That was awesome!
And on.
And how about the time I filled a pitcher with water and mac and cheese powder and I told you it was orange juice?
That was awesome, too!
By lunchtime, Alfie's patience was dwindling, and his tummy was grumbling.
He sat down on a stump and pulled some bread and cheese from his rucksack.
When Albert saw the food, his face lit up.
Ooh, is that lunch?
I'll be taking that!
Before Alfie could protest, Albert grabbed the bread and cheese and began gnawing away.
Mm, mm.
This reminds me of when you used to share your lunch with me at school.
Alfie rolled his eyes.
He had never shared his lunch with Albert.
He had given it to him.
Otherwise, he might find his desk crawling with banana slugs.
Alfie sighed and watched helplessly as Albert polished off his lunch.
Then they continued on their way.
They stopped when they reached a high bridge spanning a river.
Yikes!
This bridge is so old, its beams are rotting and crumbling into the water.
There's no way we can walk across.
I don't normally agree with you, Alfie Bettsoup.
But you're right.
I guess we'll have to swim instead.
Cannonball!
Albert took a running leap.
It was a long way down.
After finally hitting the water...
He doggy paddled to the other shore and called up to Alfie.
Come on down!
The water's fine!
Alfie braced himself and jumped.
Here I go!
But when he hit the water, he also hit a man who was bathing in it.
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, sir.
The bridge was so high, I didn't see you.
The man scowled.
You may not have seen me, but you landed on me.
I think you sprained my pinky finger.
You might even have broken it.
Oh, for that, I am taking you to court.
Elfie's heart clenched.
Oh, I understand that you're upset, sir, and again, I'm sorry, but...
How about I take you to the nearest hospital and we can... No, I am taking you to court.
You'll pay for what you've done.
Alfie heaved a sigh.
Then he pulled the man to the other side of the river where Albert was waiting.
With a smirk.
Way to go, Alfie Bitsoup.
That was a real smooth move.
Now you'll face the judge for two crimes instead of one.
Alfie gritted his teeth and followed Albert and the man down the road.
They were nearing a muddy pond when they laid eyes on an unusual sight.
Flailing around in the pond's sticky sludge was a teeny, tiny gerbil.
And beside the pond was a frenzied, frantic woman.
Come on, Seymour!
I don't know how you got stuck in that muddy pond, but I've got to get you out.
So please, stop squirming.
Alfie felt his heart go out to the woman and to Seymour.
Pardon me, ma'am.
May I try to get your gerbil out?
By all means.
I can't get a hold of him.
Alfie stepped into the mud, seized Seymour by his long, thin tail, and gave it a yank.
Happily, he pulled Seymour right out.
But unhappily, he pulled Seymour's tail right off.
Look what you've done.
You pulled off Seymour's tail.
And even though gerbils can shed their tails, they can never grow them back.
Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am.
It was an accident.
I didn't mean to.
But you did.
You broke Seymour's tail.
And you broke my heart.
Seymour is my best friend in the entire world.
So I'll make you pay for what you've done.
I am taking you to court.
Alfie grimaced.
Albert grinned.
This is not your day, Alfie Bitsoup.
How many crimes are you accused of now?
Three.
Alfie didn't say a word.
He just heaved a sigh, then followed Albert, the man with the sprained pinky finger, the gerbil with the broken tail and the woman with the broken heart, to the capital city.
Before long, they were filing into the courthouse and standing before the judge.
Good afternoon, everyone.
I must say, it's not often I see a case with multiple plaintiffs.
Usually, just one person is lodging a complaint and looking to me to make things right.
So, Albert, let's begin with you.
What is your complaint against Alfie?
Albert puffed out his chest.
That rascal has my post, Your Honor, and he refuses to return it.
The judge locked eyes with Alfie.
Is what Albert says true, Alfie?
You will not return his post?
It is true, Your Honor, but if I do return it, my cabin will fall down.
And besides, Albert led me to think he was giving it to me, as an old friend.
You're not an old friend.
You're just selfish.
Selfish?
Albert, I gave you my lunch, and you ate all of my bread and cheese.
What does that have to do with- Gentlemen, please settle down.
I hereby rule that Alfie shall return Albert's post.
Ha!
And Albert shall return Alfie's lunch.
Huh?
Alfie could have said the same thing.
How could Albert return the bread and cheese?
They were already in his belly.
But before any questions could be asked, the judge moved on to the man with the sprained pinky.
You, sir, what is your complaint against Alfie?
Well...
When he jumped into the river where I was innocently bathing, he landed on me and sprained my pinky finger.
The judge gave Alfie a look.
Is what he says true, Alfie?
You jumped into the river and sprained this man's pinky.
Yes, it is true, your honor.
But I only jumped because I couldn't walk across the broken bridge.
And I was up so high, I didn't see him.
Oh, so you're the victim now?
I'm the guy with the injured finger.
Please, enough squabbling.
I hereby rule that Alfie shall bathe in the same river that the man did.
Then the man shall jump from the bridge, land on Alfie, and sprain Alfie's pinky finger.
What?
Alfie was just as confused as the man was, but the judge pressed on shifting her focus to the woman.
It's time for our third plaintiff.
Ma'am, what is your complaint against Alfie?
He pulled off my gerbil's tail, Your Honor.
He yanked it right off his body.
The judge leveled her gaze on Alfie.
Alfie?
Is what she says true?
You pulled off her gerbil's tail?
It is true, your honor, but I was only trying to rescue him from the muddy pond.
And I'm sorry his tail won't grow back, but at least he's safe from the- Safe from what?
From looking like a normal gerbil and having a nice long tail?
Please, enough of the interruptions.
I hereby rule that this woman shall give Alfie her gerbil.
Alfie shall not return the gerbil until he has made its tail grow back.
But that's absurd!
There's no way that— The court has spoken.
You have your orders, and I expect you to follow them, lest you wind up in this courthouse again.
This case is closed.
The judge rose to her feet and swept out of the room.
Alfie gave the three plaintiffs a shrug.
Well, I guess it's time to start following the judge's orders.
He turned to the woman.
Ma'am, you have to give me Seymour.
According to the judge, I get to keep him, at least until his tail grows back.
But I can't give you Seymour.
If I do, I'll never see him again, because his tail won't grow back, ever.
So how about instead of giving you my gerbil, I give you my money?
Here.
She reached into her purse.
Take these fifty coins.
Oh, but the judge said— I don't care what the judge said.
The whole thing is impossible.
So take the money and we'll forget about our differences.
She pressed the coins into Alfie's palm, then popped Seymour into her apron and sprinted out of the courtroom.
By the time Alfie and the two remaining plaintiffs exited the courthouse, the woman was gone.
When the three men came to the river, Alfie led the man with the sprained pinky to the edge of the bridge.
As you can see, sir, it's a long drop to the river.
But don't worry, I'll be bathing in the water so that you can land on me and sprain my pinky.
The man peered down.
Panic flooded his face.
Look, Alfie, I know what the judge said, but I can't do it.
I can't jump off this bridge.
I'm bound to break my other pinky finger.
I'm bound to break everything.
He reached into his pocket.
You took the woman's money, so please take mine.
Here are 200 coins.
Use them in good health.
He forced the money into Alfie's hand and bolted away.
Albert, who had been uncharacteristically quiet all this time, finally spoke up.
Okay, this is nonsense.
Absolute nonsense.
You committed all these crimes, yet now you're getting paid for them?
Well, mark my words, Alfie Betts Soup, you're not getting a cent from me.
You're giving me my post, and that's that.
End of story.
Is it, though?
Alfie shrugged.
I mean the judge did order that I give you back your post, but only if you own up to your part of the bargain.
Oh, you mean I give you back the lunch I ate all those hours ago?
That's impossible.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
Alfie smiled.
Albert, do you remember how I got the nickname Alfie Bet Soup?
Huh? course I remember.
I was the one who gave it to you.
Right.
You were the one who gave it to me.
On the same day the school cafeteria served alphabet soup.
You grabbed me by my ankles, flipped me upside down, and shook me until I literally lost my lunch.
There were little pasta letters all over the floor to say nothing of the chicken broth.
I was too afraid to push back then.
But now He held up his hands, wiggled his fingers and cast a mischievous glance at Albert's ankles.
Hang on there, healthy pet soup.
You're not going to turn me upside down and shake me, are you?
I have a very sensitive stomach.
I'll lose my lunch.
Exactly.
Albert's eyes were as wide as two soup bowls.
Um, I'll tell you what.
How about you keep the post and you hold on to it as long as you'd like?
I'll never ask you about it again.
Alfie cocked his head.
Will you also stop bullying me?
No more pranks.
No more stolen lunches.
No more Alfie Bits soup.
For the second time in two days, Alfie held his breath, awaiting Albert's response.
But instead of grabbing his head and giving him a noogie, or grabbing his underwear and giving him a wedgie, Albert grabbed Alfie's hand and gave it a shake.
You've got yourself a deal, Alfie.
And a long overdue apology.
Friends...
Alfie gave Albert's hand a squeeze.
Okay, Albert.
Friends.
And so it was that, after years of taunts and tricks, stunts and pranks, Albert was no longer Alfie's bully.
Instead, he was his buddy.
And the two friends lived happily ever after.
No shaving cream, hot pepper, or banana slugs to be found.
Now it's your turn.
It's time to make alphabet soup.
Not the kind you cook, but the kind you craft.
First, draw a big bowl on a piece of paper.
Next, get three more pieces of paper and write the letters of the alphabet on each one.
Make sure the letters are fairly spread out.
Ask a grown-up to help you cut out your letters.
From there.
Have fun arranging your letters in your bowl so that they spell out words phrases, even sentences.
When you're done, you can glue them in place or set them aside so you can craft more words later.
This week's episode, The Fourth Post, was adapted by me, Rebecca Shear.
It was edited by Dean Russell.
Our original music and sound design is by Eric Shimalonis.
Eric's featured instrument this week is the marimba.
You can learn more about this percussion instrument with wooden bars and see a photo of Eric playing one on our website.
Wburorg slash circle round.
Circle Round's artist is Sabina Hahn.
Sabina has created a black and white coloring page for all of our Circle Round stories and you can print them out and color them in.
Grown-ups, download our coloring pages at wbur.org slash circle round.
Special thanks to this week's actors.
Amy Brentano, Joe Hernandez, Kim Miller, Ryan P. Schreim, and Jeff Meacham.
Jeff played Josh in the ABC comedy Black-ish and Principal Bradford in the Nickelodeon series The Thundermans.
You can currently see him play vampire dad Boris Hauntley in the Disney Junior series Vampirina.
Want to circle around with our public media podcast in even more ways?
Join the Circle Round Club and, as thanks for your donation, we'll shower you with goodies, including a welcome box with special Circle Round swag, an ad-free feed bonus, bedtime stories, audio features about our musical instruments and the chance to order a personalized birthday message from me, Rebecca Shear.
Sign up for the Circle Round Club and show your love for public media at wburorg slash circle round.
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Your feedback helps other fans find the show, so we can keep circling round with you for years to come.
Circle Round is a production of WBUR, Boston's NPR.
I'm Rebecca Shear.
Thanks for circling round with us.
Now that you've made it to the end of this Circle Round episode, we want to know what's your favorite Circle Round story.
Thousands of fans just like you have been telling us about the Circle Round stories they like best.
Take a listen.
Maybe one of their favorites is one of yours, too.
Hi, my name is Aurelio.
I am from Mexico, and my favorite story is The Troupe of Ten.
I like the part when the leader says of stealing a good troupe of actors.
My name is Natalie and I'm from Milton Massachusetts, and my favorite circle round story is the three-legged pot.
My name is Sasha.
My name is Lisa and I live in New York City.
My favorite episode is The Buffalo's Shadow, because the judge repays the buffalo's owner with the shadow of the penny.
My name is Orion and I live in Sassavary Vermont, and my favorite talk-around story is the Salmon Famine.
I hate the part when Coyote changes into different animals.
My name is Vivian.
I live in Chesapeake, Vermont, and my favorite talk-around story is the World of Honor.
I like it because it feels so real.
My name is Quinn and I'm from Washington DC, and my favorite circle-round story is the Basilisk Stare.
I'm Amelia and I'm from Paquannock, New Jersey, and my favorite circle-round story is the Call of the Cuckoo.
I like the part when Barnaby and Bulbasaur kept their ears open for the first cuckoo call of the spring.
Did someone mention a story you've missed?
Not to worry.
Grownups.
You can find all of our Circle Round stories, plus links to the Circle Round Club, picture books, coloring pages and oh so much more on our website wburorg slash circleround.
