Think about the last conversation that you had in any language.
Were you actually listening to the words that the other person was saying?
Were they listening to you?
Or were you waiting for your turn to speak?
Or even worse, Were you looking at your phone or distracted by something else?
In today's world, it can feel like real conversation is dying.
It's becoming less common.
I'm your host, Oliver, and welcome back to the Easy English Podcast.
The best place to learn English and practice your listening skills, all while learning new vocabulary.
Today we are going to look at why modern life is making our communication more superficial.
We'll learn what that word is in just one second and how practicing active listening can be a massive benefit to build deeper connections, friendships and relationships, all while improving your English as well.
But before we dive into the topic, I want you, if you're on Spotify, to look at your app right now and answer our interactive poll.
So a question that you can vote on.
When someone else is talking, what do you usually do?
Number one, do you listen with 100% of your attention?
Number two, Do you secretly plan what you're going to say next?
Or number three, do you check your phone or look around the room?
Go and vote below and be honest.
So I want you to think about most of your conversations.
Be honest and I want to see your answers.
So if you're on Spotify, open up the app and go to the poll section and vote.
If you're on another platform, let me know in the comments.
Okay, now that we've done that, let's take a look at our key vocabulary for the episode.
If you're new here, I'm going to teach you five key words and phrases for today's topic, so listen out for these and try to remember them.
The first word is to interrupt, to interrupt.
And this means to stop someone from speaking by saying or doing something.
So you are interrupting them if you do that.
The next word, I've mentioned it already, that is superficial, superficial.
And superficial means shallow or lacking deep thought, meaning, or real connection.
This word has definitely come up in an episode before, but I think it's a great advanced English word that I want you to learn today superficial.
Our third word today is anxious, anxious.
And anxious means feeling worried, nervous, or uneasy about something.
Our fourth word, to absorb.
To absorb.
And to absorb means to take in information fully and to understand it deeply.
So we are meant to absorb what another person is saying before we reply.
And our final word is empathy, empathy.
And empathy means the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
So when we listen with true empathy, It changes the way that we connect with others.
Okay, those are our words for today.
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It's the best way to show your support while getting bonus access to additional content.
The link is always in the description on each episode.
So have you ever noticed how uncomfortable silence can feel?
When someone stops talking and the conversation goes quiet, we often feel quite anxious.
And sometimes people react in different ways here.
They may fill up the space by saying something, maybe giving our own stories, our own opinions and our own advice, or perhaps with distractions like picking up our phones, devices or doing something else to try and fill that gap.
And this anxiety, that feeling, that stress that we feel when there's silence.
At times it can create a bad habit.
Instead of absorbing what the speaker has said, the meaning of what the other person has said, the brain starts building the next sentence before they They have even finished talking.
So in a way, you're not participating in a shared conversation.
You are having two separate conversations or monologues.
And when you act like this or your brain is thinking this way, you do miss out on some key signals body language, deeper meaning and really what the other person is actually saying.
But it's so easy to do, especially if it's not your native language.
I totally understand the stress that you might feel and sometimes you're trying to prepare what you're saying before the other person has even finished talking, because you're thinking about grammar, maybe the vocabulary that you're looking for, and really trying to be ready to reply when they finish talking.
But this can lead to quite superficial conversation or maybe like an unnatural feeling or flow in the conversation.
And not only that, there are some other barriers as well, which can sit right on the table between us at times, such as the smartphone.
So it doesn't always have to be what you're thinking in your head.
It can be an actual device or a distraction that is around you.
And I've noticed this myself.
So over the years, you know, as people have their phones with them more, and the phones are even there, they don't even have to be using them.
But sometimes even just the presence of a phone sitting on the table with notifications or noises, it can be really distracting.
But somehow it has become normal in our modern life for this to happen, where people don't even consider it incredibly rude or strange.
It's become normal to just pull out your phone and start looking at something or doing something while with other people and in conversation.
And it really divides your attention.
It takes your attention in different directions.
And when the device pulls you away as well, you're more likely to interrupt the flow of conversation that you already had.
And that goes for any kind of real distraction that you're bringing with you.
True communication, it really, in any language, whether it's your own language, whether it's English, it requires presence.
It requires being there.
It requires actually listening and absorbing what the other person is saying.
And without that, you can't build empathy.
And without empathy, a language becomes just a cold set of rules and words.
Let's pause here.
If you're on Spotify, open up the Q&A or the comments box below under the episode.
And I want you to type your answer immediately.
If you're on another platform, you can practice saying this in your head or out loud.
I want you to think of someone who you think is an amazing listener.
And I want you to tell me why.
What do they do that makes you think they are a great listener?
And I want you to try and use one of our new vocabulary words for today's episode.
Absorb, empathy or superficial.
So comment right now before you continue the episode, and I will read some of your answers in next week's shout out section.
And, while you're at it, make sure you've followed the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, wherever you're listening.
Okay, back to the show.
If you want to have amazing English conversations, you need to stop worrying so much about your grammar and start focusing more on your ears.
And I'm not talking about the speech.
I'm not talking about any of those other things I've talked about before.
I'm talking about enjoying the conversation and being there in the moment.
It doesn't need to be perfect, but you'll realize that the more you start to focus on the other person rather than yourself and what you're saying, the more you will enjoy it.
And actually, probably the more natural you will speak English as well.
A couple of things you can do here to help.
You can apply what I've read online.
Some people call it the three second rule.
I hadn't really thought about it as three seconds.
I thought about it as just a pause.
But what you do here is you do not reply immediately when someone finishes speaking.
You take three seconds to come up with your response and it gives you time to think about what they've said and create your reply.
It shows that you're absorbing the points that they've made or what they've said, and then you're carefully making or thinking about your reply.
The second point is, instead of changing the topic or giving your opinion, or trying to tell a story and make it about you, Try to ask questions that make the other person explain deeper or go deeper on a point that they have just said.
So, for example instead, when someone says you know, they've had a stressful week, instead of saying oh yeah, my week was really stressful too.
You might be able to say stressful.
What happened?
What made it stressful?
And this creates a moment of connection, and it creates a moment for them to explain even deeper what they've been talking about.
I think a lot of us are guilty of this.
You know, when someone says something, we try to relate or we try to answer in relation to ourselves, rather than asking them a little bit more about themself, about what they've said, asking them questions that allow them to expand or explain more.
And by doing this, we show empathy.
We show that we care and we show that we are listening.
And finally, the last tip that I would give here is remove the barrier.
So put your phone away when we're having real conversation.
You don't need a translator.
You don't need a dictionary.
You can use the words that you know. and you can try.
When you're sitting down with a coffee or maybe in a cafe or you've met someone somewhere, put those barriers like a phone away and give each other 100 your visual and mental presence, so that you're there, you're listening and you're ready to have a great conversation.
You'll actually be amazed at how much easier speaking English becomes when you take the pressure off of yourself.
You're not putting the pressure on your English and you're focusing more on what the other person is actually saying and what is going on with the topic.
You'll find it is really, really helpful.
So in our noisy world, the gift of attention is often quite a rare one.
And it's quite a rare one for conversation nowadays.
So really, do you think that conversation is dying?
Do you think that maybe this is just a temporary trend because of phones, devices?
Is it something which will become more popular again?
So having real deep conversations, or Is this a trend which will probably continue because of technology?
Anyone can really learn to memorize words and speak quickly, but very few people, to be honest, can quiet their minds, listen deeply and understand what the other person is saying with empathy.
And by stepping away from digital noise, taking the pressure off of yourself and your own English, you will be able to absorb what the other person is actually saying.
And you can stop just practicing a language and start actually making connections in that language.
So let's take a look at our comprehension section today.
And I'm going to ask you a few questions and see how well you remembered today's topic and how much you understood of the points that we covered.
Question one, why does silence in a conversation make people feel anxious?
Because modern life has trained us to expect constant noise and speed.
So that empty space, it can feel a little bit uncomfortable.
And sometimes we feel anxious about what is going to be there.
Question two what happens to our brains or what happens to us when we are waiting to speak instead of listening?
Our brains stop focusing on what the speaker is actually saying and the meaning of their words, And that makes the conversation quite superficial.
And we start thinking about our replies before the other person has even finished talking.
And question three, what is the three second rule and how can it help?
The three second rule is basically when you take three seconds to pause after someone has finished a point, to absorb it and reply.
And it allows you to actually absorb what they're saying, to understand the meaning and to give a thoughtful reply.
Now this topic.
It really did come into my head because recently I was thinking about just how, with time of, Of course technology makes an impact on people.
It makes an impact on our relationships, on our connections, and it isn't all technology.
I think people in a way are just becoming a bit lazier with the art of conversation.
And there's probably a lot of different factors there that are adding to this.
Perhaps after COVID as well after the pandemic, lots of people spend more time at home, less time socializing.
And since then, the trend has not completely reversed.
We also have lots more people working at home as well instead of in the office, which maybe will affect as well how they socialize.
And perhaps people are just changing.
We spend much more time watching TV series.
Digital lives in certain ways, and perhaps our behaviours are changing too.
And naturally, this affects how we communicate with each other.
This affects friendships, relationships, and all of that as well.
But maybe this is a bit exaggerated.
Let me know what you think.
Perhaps this is a temporary trend.
Maybe it's something that will change in the future, that will go back to a lot more in-person social things, or perhaps things are just going to become more digital going forward.
What do you think?
Thank you very much for listening to today's episode.
Remember to follow for a new episode every single week, every Monday, and if you would like bonus content as well as transcripts, and even just to support the show as, of course, we do this free of charge every week you can check out the Patreon.
A link is in the description of the episode below.
Thank you so much for watching and I will see you in next week's episode.
Goodbye.
