I've got a show to recommend that I genuinely think you and your kids are going to love.
It's called Lightcatchers, a brand new award-winning cinematic audio adventure from the team behind Batman, High Volume and Story Pirates.
If your house is into pinna favorites like Grim Grimmer, Grimmest or Hero Hotel, this is absolutely your next play.
Stick around for a preview at the end of this episode.
Then search Lightcatchers wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz.
I'm an author.
I'm also a storyteller.
I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales.
You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring.
But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales.
The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all.
They're weird, and sometimes gross, and often scary.
In other words, they're grim.
And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim, grim tales to a bunch of kids.
Do you want to join me?
Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale?
Let me help you decide.
On a scale of grim, Grimmer and Grimmest.
This episode is Grimmer.
It's weird and scary and suspenseful.
If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do.
You could turn down the volume and count to five.
Then turn the volume back up.
If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again.
You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for.
You know what you need.
Okay, I'm at the classroom door now.
There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale.
So, are you coming in?
Grim.
Grimmer.
Grimace.
What's that story we were doing before?
The one last week?
What was that called again?
The Twelve Tortoises.
Oh yeah, that was a very disgusting and very weird side because that guy is weird.
And don't say his name because I'm going to laugh a lot.
You mean Franz Xaver von Schönwirth?
The thing about Franz Xaver von Schönwirth is that the story we're going to do today is also by Franz Xaver von Schönwirth.
Yes, and I warn you, it will be weird.
Are we ready?
This story is called The Belt, The Necklace, and Barbara.
Once upon a time, there was a girl called Barbara.
Now, we don't often learn the names of heroes in these stories, right?
Lots of times it's just like the oldest son or the princess, right?
Yeah.
And when we do learn their names, they're never Barbara.
It just doesn't sound like a fairy tale name, does it?
Kind of sounds like a mom name.
Maybe because she is a mom.
Maybe she will be a mom.
Maybe she is a mom.
I'm now worried that I've offended somebody named Barbara out there in the audience.
So I would like to say this episode is dedicated to anyone named Barbara.
Okay?
Yay!
Yay for Barbara!
Well, poor Barbara had a tough life.
Because, while she was kind and patient and strong and smart, everyone thought she wasn't very attractive.
In fact, they thought she was really, really not attractive.
People would see her and instantly begin to make fun of her.
They called her dog face and frog face and bog face.
You guys know what a bog is?
I think it's like a mucky swamp.
That's exactly right.
And Barbara would say can i look like a dog and a frog and a bug?
Those things don't even look alike.
That makes no sense.
The dogs are so cute yes, and if she looked like a dog she would be cute.
It makes no sense.
Frogs are cute too, yeah.
Bogs not so much.
But that didn't stop everyone from teasing her anyway.
And so barbara lived a lonely life.
She would sit by the sea each day, watching the waves crash white and blue against the black rocks, until one day a small creature appeared at her feet.
He was a pollywog.
Who knows what a pollywog is?
Me.
Yeah.
You're a pollywog?
What does that mean?
I don't know.
Okay, surreal, very strange.
A pollywog is a baby frog, actually.
And before a frog has four legs and actually starts its life looking kind of like a fish and then actually first it starts as a tadpole, a tadpole and then it gets a couple, two legs in the front and it's a pollywog.
And then it loses its tail and has four legs and that's a frog.
So a pollywog is like older than a tadpole, but younger than a frog.
Okay, why is a frog in the ocean?
Why wouldn't a frog be in the ocean?
Explain, Because they're usually in like ponds or like bogs.
Right.
They're freshwater animals.
They're not saltwater animals.
Good point.
Good point.
But it is a fairy tale.
But it is a fairy tale, so we're not going to ask too many questions.
Well, this little pollywog appeared by Barbara's feet, and he spoke to her.
I felt your tears falling into the sea.
Why are you sad?
And so Barbara explained that everyone was so cruel to her, calling her dog face and frog face and bog face.
The pollywog was very offended, not just on her behalf, but for all of frog kind as well.
What's wrong with having a frog face?
I plan to have a frog face one day, and frog faces look nothing like dog faces, which are long and toothy, or bog faces, because bog means swamp and swamps are very nice and cozy homes for pollywogs and frogs.
Your face doesn't look anything like a nice and cozy home.
The pollywog and Barbara got to talking and it was immediately evident to the little pollywog that Barbara was kind and patient and strong and smart.
And he thought Oh, if only everyone could see how beautiful Barbara is on the inside, they wouldn't call her dog face or frog face or bog face.
They would fall down at her feet and make her their queen because of her beauty.
But how could Barbara make the people of this cruel and stupid world see her for who she really was?
Actually, the Pollywog knew exactly how.
And he told her.
Under the sea there lives a sea witch who wears a magical necklace and a magical belt.
This belt and necklace make the witch beautiful beyond belief.
So beautiful that it is hard to look at her.
Not because she shines brightly, but because she is just too perfect looking.
So beautiful.
You just need the sea witch's necklace and belt.
But how am I supposed to get them?
Barbara asked.
The Poliwog said, The sea witch is very hungry for one specific thing.
Apples.
Under the sea she can get all the fish she wants and all the seaweed she can eat, and she can feast on oysters and clams.
But there are no apples under the sea.
And she mutters about it constantly.
All she wants is an apple or two or three.
So go get her some apples.
Maybe she'll treat her necklace and bow for them.
And then you will be as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.
Barbara thought this was an excellent plan.
She went to an apple orchard near her home and she picked the three most perfect apples.
She could find yellow-red like a sunset and speckled with green, and she ran back to the sea.
The polliwog was nowhere to be seen.
Maybe he had gone to go get the sea witch so they could make their trade?
But Barbara waited and waited and waited, and the polliwog didn't come back.
So Barbara shrugged and, not knowing what else to do, she threw an apple into the sea.
Nothing happened.
What?
At first.
But then, the sea started to churn, like it was a pot coming to a boil.
And then, rising from the water, came the Sea Witch.
She was the most unbearably beautiful creature Barbara had ever seen.
Her skin was sea foam green.
Her billowing hair was a dark teal, like the underside of a wave before it breaks.
Her eyes were wide set and shone like pearls.
Looking at her hurt Barbara's eyes, not because she shone brightly, but because she was just too perfect looking.
But Barbara had to look, because around her waist was a beautiful belt made of shells and around her neck was a beautiful necklace, also made of shells.
The Sea Witch was hungrily eating the apple that Barbara had thrown into the sea.
She devoured it quickly, and then she said, Do you have any more apples?
Barbara got a sly look on her face.
I do, but I won't give them to you for free.
Give me your necklace and I'll give you another apple.
The Sea Witch's eyes flashed, and at first Barbara thought they flashed with anger.
But the anger gave way to hunger.
Fine, snapped the sea witch.
She unclasped the necklace and flung it onto the shore.
And suddenly, the sea witch wasn't quite so hard to look at.
Her eyes were even wider set, and her mouth was wide and almost froggy.
Maybe, like, um, she found Those things in the ocean, and she put them on when she was like a frog.
So now she's going to be in the frog again.
Very interesting.
Barbara threw the second apple into the waves.
The sea witch dove beneath the surface, retrieved it, and ate it greedily.
Then she said, Do you have another?
Barbara said, I do.
And I'll give it to you in exchange for your belt.
Again, the sea witch's eyes flashed with anger and a clap of thunder sounded far in the distance.
But then the anger gave way to hunger, though not as much hunger as before.
The sea witch said All right girl, I'll give you this belt in exchange for your apple and one more cup.
What thing?
The sea witch said.
Together this belt and this necklace are incredibly powerful.
They will make you as beautiful as I am.
If I give you my belt, you must promise not only to give me that apple, but also to give me your firstborn child, who will be the apple of your eye and therefore the most delicious apple ever.
What?
Have you ever heard that phrase, the apple of your eye or the apple of my eye?
No, but I think she wants to eat her daughter.
It basically means like everything that you think about, everything you look at, like apples are big.
If you put them to your eye, that's all you look at.
All apples, all you look at.
I never knew where that phrase came from, but I think that that's a good explanation.
Yeah, so it's the thing that you love the most and you think about the most.
Rumpelstiltskin.
It's a little bit like Rumpelstiltskin, that's right.
I feel like, how does she born a baby?
Because if nobody likes her, how does she, like, get married with anybody or something?
Right.
You know what?
I think you kind of read her mind.
You'd think that Barbara, being kind and patient and strong and smart, would know not to promise her firstborn child for anything.
Especially not beauty.
But Barbara never thought she would have a child at all, because who would want to marry someone who looked either like a dog or a frog or a bog?
But if she was as beautiful as the sea witch, maybe she would have many children.
And losing one would be sad, but better than having no children at all.
So she thought about it, and she decided...
I think yes, too.
I think the guy that wrote his stories, whatever his name is I don't want to ruin his name, but I think he had some kids.
He just didn't like them.
He didn't like his own children.
Barbara threw the apple into the sea, and the sea witch took off her belt.
And suddenly, she wasn't beautiful at all.
She looked like a giant... Frog.
Frog.
She ate the apple that Barbara threw in one gulp and licked her froggy lips.
And as she sank back into the sea, Barbara heard her muttering.
Delicious, but not as delicious as the apple of her eye.
I don't think this is Baba Yaga or Hoggy Yaga.
I think this is Baby Yaga.
Or maybe it's Froggy Yaga.
Barbara put on the necklace and the belt, and she didn't feel different.
Had she been tricked?
She tried to look at her reflection in the sea, but the frothy waves showed her nothing but churn.
She hurried back into town, and it was there that everything changed.
People stared as she walked by, and then looked away as if Barbara were hard to look at.
And then they stole another glance and whispered, Who is that beautiful creature?
She moves like a princess and looks like a goddess.
Gee, I'd like to marry her.
Barbara ran to her house, but her parents refused to let her in.
They didn't recognize her.
Why didn't they recognize her?
Because she looks so beautiful.
Because she looks so beautiful.
She ran to the center of town, looking for a mirror so she could see what everyone else was seeing.
She came to a little shop that sold dresses, and inside she found a mirror.
And she stood before it.
And... She looked normal.
She looked the same.
Other than the necklace and the belt, she didn't look different at all.
Her eyes, her nose, her mouth, her chin, her hair were the same as they had always been.
Except that there seemed to radiate from within her kindness and patience and strength and intelligence.
Maybe now they can see what's actually in her inside.
And she realized that finally, thanks to the magic of the sea witch's necklace and belt, she was as beautiful on the outside as she'd always been on the inside.
But Barbara didn't want to stay in this town where everyone had been cruel to her for so long, nor with her parents, who had turned away their own daughter because they hadn't recognized the beauty that had always been inside of her.
Can you understand why she might be mad at her parents?
They didn't think that she was herself because they thought she looked beautiful.
I think it's because all alone this time, They didn't see how beautiful she is.
She journeyed to the capital of their country, where the young king lived.
And she had not been in that town for three days when someone brought her before the king.
And he fell down on one knee and asked her to marry him.
And he seemed like a good fellow, so she said yes.
Everybody okay with that.
The king, just like the moment he sees her, he's like would you marry me?
And she's like okay right exactly, i know, i know she should probably get to know him first, but it's a fairy tale and it's already getting kind of long and this isn't a love story, so don't worry about the lovey-dovey stuff, you're welcome.
So they got married and soon after that, like nine months or so, they had a little baby girl.
She was beautiful, her joy and curiosity about the world shining through her eyes and her smile.
She was the apple of Barbara's eye.
And as you know, apples are delicious.
So Barbara kept the little girl away from the sea, afraid that any wave could grab her precious daughter and drag her down into the hungry clutches of the sea witch.
She coddled her daughter and told her she was beautiful every chance she got.
Her father did too.
And so did everyone else in the castle.
In the capital city and in the whole kingdom everyone told the little princess how beautiful she was, all the time.
Until, frankly, the little princess was sick of it.
Can you understand how she feels?
Why is she annoyed by that?
I think she's sick of it because they said it so many times and they don't notice other things about her.
Like what?
What other things don't they notice?
Like her courage, kindness, and curiosity.
No one seemed to comment on her joy or her curiosity or her courage or anything else.
They just told her she was pretty.
So the princess started to spend more time alone.
She started to sneak away from her adoring mother and father and wander around the capital city.
And then farther.
She never told her mother where she was going.
And when she came back her mother would scold her and hold her tightly and say she was too beautiful to wander around alone.
Which made no sense to the little princess.
I honestly think one day she's going to wander into the sea.
And maybe the witch is going to get her.
I think she's going to go close to the scene, which is going to be like, oh, hey, little girl.
There's just a tsunami.
Interesting prediction.
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And remember, it's not a Smurf.
Patrick, let's go.
The clue is floating away in the hot air balloon.
Hey, sorry, this is kind of a bad time.
Claire and I just found a major clue and now it's airborne.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that the parents behind Law and Order have something brand new for families.
Our podcast, Patrick Picklebottom Everyday Mysteries.
Patrick, it's headed towards the water tower.
Gotta go.
Listen on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.
So Barbara's daughter kept wandering out of the capital city, out into the kingdom, until finally she found the sea.
Now this was beauty.
She sat down beside the sea and watched the waves crash white and blue against the black rocks.
She was feeling the same way that her mom was.
At the beginning of the story, her mom was sitting by the sea, feeling alone and isolated.
She's like the opposite of her mom.
She just wants people to see how she is on the inside.
It's now the opposite because everybody thinks now the princess is pretty.
But first, when the princess's mom went to the sea, she thought she wasn't pretty.
Well, as the little princess sat by the sea watching the waves crash, white and blue, against the black rocks.
She did not see the huge wave rise up above her head until its shadow blocked out the sun.
You called it, right?
Tsunami.
It crashed down upon her and dragged her down into the depths.
When the little princess did not come home that night, Barbara knew at once what had happened.
She told her husband, the king, everything.
About the belt. and the necklace, and her promise to the sea witch.
And the king was so angry, he had his soldiers carry Barbara to the seaside and throw her in.
And the king shouted after her, Don't come back without our daughter!
And Barbara began to drown.
She sank under the tumultuous waves with their white spray and black depths.
The air expired in her lungs.
It felt as if her throat and chest were having the life squeezed out of them.
And then she saw a frog swimming through the gloom.
Poliwog.
Why do you say it's a poliwog?
Because it's like tadpole, poliwog, frog.
It wasn't a huge frog like the sea witch.
But it wasn't a small one either like the frogs Barbara had seen in ponds.
It was the size of a small dog.
And as it swam up to Barbara, it said, Breathe.
Barbara wanted to tell him that she couldn't under the water, but she was afraid to open her mouth lest she swallow the sea and drown.
But as she sank, the frog swam with her.
And again, he said, Breathe.
And Barbara couldn't hold her breath any longer, so she gave up fighting and breathed.
And She did not die.
The frog said, The belt and the necklace let you breathe under the waves.
Barbara tried to use her voice.
Pollywog?
And the frog said, Not anymore.
He turned into a frog.
He grew up a little bit.
He's a big boy now.
Barbara asked, Do you know where my daughter is?
And the frog said, Follow me.
The frog and Barbara swam deep, deep down into the sea.
There, in the darkest sea gloom, they saw a hulking castle made of dead coral.
The frog led Barbara to a window near the sea floor where there was a huge kitchen.
And in the huge kitchen was a huge pot on a huge fire.
How is there a fire under the sea?
Anyone have a guess as to how there was fire under the sea?
Because it's a fairy tale.
That's exactly right.
What's a gas fire?
Maybe it's a gas fire.
And inside the huge pot was air boiling.
Because if we, who can explain that?
Why is there air boiling in the pot?
Because they're underwater, so water boils in, surrounded by air.
So why not the opposite?
Exactly right, my thinking exactly.
And in the pot filled with boiling air was barbara's daughter, the little princess, and she was not dead yet, but she was getting there.
She's getting boiled.
She's getting boiled oh, so she can get eaten like an apple.
The air was boiling, the princess alive, and the sea witch, who still looked like a giant frog, was puttering around the kitchen singing.
The apple of my eye will make the sweetest pie, and I'll swallow the little girl down.
Yummy!
Barbara was about to swim through the window and grab her daughter from the boiling pot when the frog held her back.
The sea witch will catch you, and then you and your daughter will both die.
Barbara thought.
And then she said, You must distract her.
Me?
How?
And Barbara said, Aren't you her son?
And the frog, who used to be a pollywog, stammered, How did you know?
Because frogs don't live in the sea.
Who pointed that out before?
Me.
I told you!
And the frog nodded.
Barbara went on.
It's why you knew so much about her.
Again, the frog nodded, so go inside and lure the sea witch away from the kitchen while i save my daughter.
This time, the frog did not nod, he just swam through the front door of the sea witch's coral palace, which was also his home, and started calling mother mother, come quickly, it's an emergency.
The sea witch hurried from the kitchen to find her son, which is when Barbara swam inside and pulled her daughter from the pot of boiling air.
The princess saw her mother and put her arms around her mother's neck.
But just then, the sea witch rushed into the kitchen with the frog trailing behind.
Mommy!
Mommy, don't!
He called, and then he shouted to Barbara.
Swim!
Swim away as fast as you can!
So Barbara swam out of the window with her daughter wrapped around her neck.
But the sea witch swam faster and was gaining on her quickly.
What could she do?
What could Barbara do?
What do you think?
Anyone have a suggestion for what Barbara should do?
Um, I think the necklace and the belt are keeping away from her to swim, so she says take them all.
Just as the sea witch was about to catch Barbara's ankle with her huge froggy hands and drag her down into the depths of the sea, Barbara unclasped the belt from around her waist and let it fall.
That's what you said, right?
The sea witch saw it go and turned and swam back to get it.
But then she swam after Barbara again, and again she gained on her.
And just as she was about to grab Barbara's ankle and drag her down to the depths Barbara, She took out the necklace.
She threw off the necklace.
And the sea witch couldn't just let that sink to the bottom of the ocean, so she swam after that as well.
Which is when Barbara burst through the surface of the sea and carried her daughter onto the beach.
Barbara and her daughter lay there gasping on the sand.
And Barbara actually is a pretty good name for a mom, isn't it?
Yes.
And then the princess looked at Barbara, and her mother looked.
I think she had the prettiness and all the smartness inside her, so it's still there.
Interesting.
I think that the princess thought that she looked beautiful.
When the princess looked at Barbara, her mother looked exactly the same to her as she had always looked.
Barbara and her daughter walked away from the seashore and away from that kingdom and they never looked back and they lived happily ever after the end.
She lived grimly ever after.
No, not with the husband.
They left him behind.
He's a bum guy.
Why did they leave him behind?
Because he's a bum.
Why is he a bum?
Because he thinks that he just is.
Without even illustrations, he just looks like a bum.
They left the king because he literally threw Barbara into the ocean.
Yeah, exactly.
That's why.
And so he she didn't want to be the king's wife anymore.
I guess that's I think that's exactly right.
And so she and her daughter can live seeing each other truthfully.
Right.
Far away on the high Caribbean seas roams a swashbuckling pigeon loving burrito gobbling pirate who's well a bit different than the other pirates.
Bless my Brussels sprouts.
Introducing the new podcast, Light Catchers, season one, Bob the Bad Pirate.
Bob the Bad Pirate wasn't bad because he liked to hurt people or call other pirates names like Petunia Pillow Pants.
Bob the Bad Pirate was bad because he just wasn't very good at being a pirate.
Give her me tutors!
Listen now to Lightcatchers, wherever you get your podcasts, and learn more at BeALightcatcher.com.
Light up the lanterns and follow me.
Introducing A is for Alfie, the first picture book from the award-winning Pinna series Quentin and Alfie's ABC Adventures.
Alfie thinks his name is a little weird, but with his babysitter Quentin, he discovers that every letter holds endless possibilities.
From A is for Acrobat to E is for Electrician.
Written by award-winning author Randy DuBerck and illustrated by Derek Brooks.
This heartwarming, diverse read aloud is perfect for kids three to six, guiding them through letters while helping them love who they are.
Pick up A is for Alfie wherever books are sold and start your ABC adventure on the page.
Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a Penna Original Production.
Created, written, and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of A Tale Dark and Grim.
Produced and edited by Kaylin West.
Associate producer, Rebecca Cunningham.
Field recording by Julia Martin.
Casting and voice direction by Rebecca Cunningham.
Sound design and mixing by Kaylin West.
Executive produced by Molly Barton and Carly Migliori, by Rob Moreda Imani Russell and Charlotte Wilson Langley.
Special thanks to all the kids who joined us in Staten Island and Brooklyn for our storytelling sessions.
You guys are awesome.
