Hi, welcome back to eat your crust podcast.
I'm crystal and i'm jisoo.
Recently we celebrated Lunar New Year's and this really made me want to talk about a certain topic which is communicating with not just our parents, but our parents' friends and just that generation.
It's kind of funny when you think about the specifics, and what really got me thinking about this is during lunar new year's, my parents always host a bunch of their friends.
As we've gotten older, not as many of like my generation people come to that, because sometimes people are out of town or maybe they don't live in the bay area anymore, But this year a lot of the quote unquote kids came.
And then I started thinking about that.
I was like, why am I calling us kids?
We're like 30 years old.
You know for sure, in our parents' eyes they call us the kids and they still put us at the kids table, and all of that.
It's an interesting dynamic between all of us.
Yeah, I totally agree.
I had similar experiences recently as well.
The more I go to these things, I've realized that being able to talk to people in our parents' generation at these family friend parties is definitely a skill.
And it's a skill that I would like to hone, because I feel like I'm very stiff and awkward, especially if it's someone more removed.
For example, not my parents' friends, but maybe James's parents' friends.
I still find it hard, but watching people who are really good at it, it's almost magical seeing how they weave the conversation.
Do you have some friends in that group that are like the parent whisperers?
I would say yes.
And it's not necessarily like a hard and fast skill that would apply to everyone.
I feel like there's different archetypes.
One friend I would say is a more affectionate type.
So this friend is not afraid to go around and give the parents hugs kiss, up to the person who maybe cooked the feast and say, oh my gosh, your food is so amazing.
And this person says it so genuinely, it like comes from the heart and I feel like it melts the parents down a little bit.
There's another archetype where they're really good at asking a lot of questions.
You know, keep the parents very engaged.
Talk about old memories that might have come up.
And then the third archetype, they almost talk to the parent like you would talk to like a coworker.
Bring up very topical things, current events and stuff.
And all of these things just work so well with the individual's personalities.
Wow.
Wait, that's impressive.
I feel like you have a lot more friends that talk to the parents.
Yeah, I feel like I've noticed it more and more recently too.
Maybe it's also something that I observe more because, since my parents live in a different state, oftentimes I'm going to someone else's family friend party, so I can kind of take a step back and like witness things.
Dude, but I feel like by the time you've joined this group, you're already an adult.
I feel like, because of that unique position, you are actually more likely to be one of the parent conversers.
Oh, interesting.
I guess I could see what you mean, because they never saw me as a kid.
So like, they don't see me as like a seven year old or something.
Exactly.
Like they might see the other kids do feel that way.
I think it kind of depends.
Also because I'm now married and I'm someone's wife.
I feel like it also puts me at a different circle.
I mean, every family friend circle, I think, has many subgroups.
One is like the girlfriends and like the SOs, you know, and then one is like the moms, and then one is like the dads.
So I guess it would put me kind of tangential to like the wives of the group.
The wives as in the parent wives?
I don't know.
I guess that's how I feel in the group.
You know, I'm like, oh my God, I'm a wife.
Like I'm a married woman.
Wait, you're like the solo wife in the group right now.
That is really interesting though.
I'm like so curious to find out more about your perspective because it's pretty unique in my eyes.
And especially because like you said, you're married now.
It's like a new dimension for these parents to consider.
No one in my family friend group is married yet.
So that's like something I've yet to see with my own eyes.
I have like a scenario.
It's like a kind of recent experience and it's by no means a negative scenario, but when I was in this position I just thought it was so funny because there was a point in the party where a bunch of the kids left, So it was myself and James and then the adults right.
The moms were talking to each other.
James was talking to the dads.
Before he had started talking to the dads, I was standing next to James.
I was kind of in the guys' conversation.
Oh, I see.
And then I was standing there and the conversation was fun and it was fine, but it wasn't necessarily like relevant to me or like something that I naturally gravitate towards talking about.
So then I was kind of standing there and I had this dilemma of should I just walk over to the moms and hang out with the women?
Or do I stay next to James because I'm his wife?
But now I'm like with the guys and I was probably overthinking it beyond what's necessary in that situation.
But at the same time, I was just like, which sphere should I belong to right now?
Yeah.
Wait, I think that is totally understandable.
I think I would have the same dilemma.
Right.
Am I just like an accessory right now?
Or am I allowed to like insert myself into mom gossip?
Exactly.
I was like, yo, where the kids at?
Yeah, seriously.
Need that comfort group to come back.
One thing i've done more recently which i know you can relate to a bit, is there have been times where my parents are like traveling, so then i'll show up to the family friend party just by myself, or maybe i'll bring my boyfriend along, And so I'm kind of like the family representative, which I know you've also had to go through a few times and still now,
But the funny thing is, I'll come and I'll even like cook the dish that my parents usually cook, for I guess familiarity.
But then usually I'll come, you know, drop off the food, say hi to the host and whatever other parents are coming in at the time.
And then they're kind of just like, oh, the kids are like upstairs.
Or, you know, if you're looking for the kids, they're like at that table over there.
I'm like, oh, okay, I've been banished to the kids table.
I actually always wonder, because I feel like that's such a common thing that parents will do.
They're like, oh, so nice to see you.
How's life?
And then they immediately escort you away.
Yeah.
I'm always like, are they doing it for our benefit or for their benefit?
Literally.
Because sometimes they don't even ask how I'm doing because I think they don't know.
Like they have no context, right?
They're like, Crystal might say something and I have no idea what she's talking about.
So sometimes I'll default to like, oh, where are your parents?
They said they weren't going to come.
Where are they off to this time?
And then I'll tell them some of the updates of my parents.
And that's like my in, right?
But then eventually, you know I've given the full update and the conversation kind of dies a bit and I'm like Okay, I'll go find the kids now.
Wait, oh my god.
This is making me wonder, are these our mutual friends?
You know, because we're not friends with our parents' friends.
Oh my god.
We just have mutual friends with them, you know?
Shit.
Wait, I think you're right.
It's like when you run into someone at a birthday party and you're like, oh my God.
And then you talk about the one person you both know and you're like, okay, bye.
Oh my God, dude, you might be so right.
Because if it's not about my parents, then maybe it's about their kid.
Yes, totally.
I'm like, your son's not here today.
What's he off to?
And they're like, oh, I don't even know.
I think it's like comforting in a way.
I mean, in one sense, there's sort of a barrier.
Like I'm never going to be best friends with these parent aged people.
But at the same time I kind of enjoy that there's two scripts, you know, and it's like certain days I choose script one, certain days I choose script two.
And then it's like nice and comforting.
And then you go off and resume your normal social life.
Oh yeah, that's probably a good one.
Like your family friends are probably often asking you, oh, how are your parents doing?
Do they miss us?
And it's like, okay, where's everyone else?
Oh my god.
Yeah, I guess I appreciate that there's that script one and two.
But I feel like they run out really quickly.
And sometimes I yearn for a topic that would break the barrier between us.
That would make us not so like formal with each other.
Yeah.
It's true.
I mean, I feel like it would add more depth and like more meaning, right?
To like even going to these things.
You're not just talking as like a formality.
It's like you're actually catching up with these people.
Yeah.
Like, do they know who I am?
Do you feel seen at these parties, Crystal?
They all know I'm so-and-so's daughter, but do they know me?
Well, OK, let me ask you this.
Sometimes you walk by or the kids are in the living room and you hear the parents talking in the kitchen or something.
I feel like they have their own set of conversation topics that the adults go through.
Are these topics that also interest you, or is it something that if you were at the table, you would be like?
I'm like zoning out a little bit.
I'm not sure.
I don't usually eavesdrop on them anymore.
I'm going to be honest.
I just exposed myself as an eavesdropper.
Because I think when we were younger, they talked about us more, right?
Because we're like, you know, going through different schooling things and they're like oh, what are you putting your kid through?
Or like, what are they struggling with?
But now it's like other topics.
So I don't hear the, you know, occasional like Crystal or like other child, whatever.
Right.
I'm trying to think of like any other topics.
I mean, I guess they talk about AI a lot lately.
Wait, yeah, I feel like that's like the hot topic right now.
And I'm kind of like, okay, I don't know if I want to talk about this right now.
I think I'm similar to you.
Sometimes I'm like, man, we see certain sets of adults so often.
It would be so nice to have a deeper relationship with them.
But then at the same time I'm like I'm not even sure how I would manifest that like what we would talk about.
To get to that point,
I think the closest I got one time, it was like a Thanksgiving party.
But at the same time, it was the host's housewarming because they just bought a brand new home.
My parents were actually not there during the time.
So I went alone.
I think also that time there weren't that many kids.
So I mustered up the courage and I went up to the host and I was like, oh my God, your new home is so beautiful.
Like the view is amazing.
This neighborhood is so cool too.
Oh, I asked about mortgage rates and like if she was able to negotiate for like, a better rate, because at the time the rates were rising.
And I was like, yeah, you know, I'm interested in one day owning a home too.
So just doing my due diligence and researching.
She answered my questions and she was very engaged providing her answers.
But then I like ran out of questions.
The Q&A was over. it just started getting really awkward.
And I was like, I need an escape plan.
I don't know what to do now.
Damn.
Despite the ending of that conversation, I feel like that's actually a really good tactic.
Bringing up very adult topics that are relevant to you, because older people have so much more experience than us.
Like they've gone through the stuff that we are trying to get through.
So I think that's a good strategy.
Thank you.
But, you know, there's only so many times I can ask people like, oh, how was your house deal?
Yeah.
They're like, I bought this 30 years ago.
They're like, this house is $4.
Yeah, I feel like it's always nice talking to the host of a party because you can ask them a bunch of different things, like oh, you know, your bathroom looks so nice.
Or like, how did you cook this meal?
Like, there's so many different things to touch upon.
But I feel like the challenge is when you're like at a restaurant or something, oh yeah, then the only things my mind can ever think of is like so, how's work, you know?
And then like, how many days do you go in the office?
How are your kids?
And then, after those three things, i'm like okay, i'm just gonna focus on chewing my meals.
Wait, those are pretty good ones, though i actually never thought to ask the parents like oh, how often do you go into the office?
Oh, maybe that's something that i only think of because i'm like a new person in the group.
Oh, i see, okay.
Also though, i feel like talking about work is kind of hard.
There's something wrong with me like, whenever i see adults, i just want to speak in chinese to them, but it's not even like.
My chinese is amazing right, so i'm like struggling to speak chinese to them, and they're like I can speak English.
I mean, we have to capitalize on those moments.
I'm always like this is the one chance we get to practice our language skills.
You know, when we enter these topics like work, i'm like oh, i know, like zero work, vocab oh, i guess i don't have to experience that, usually because i can just speak english, because i lack the chinese, like the mandarin language skills.
I feel like that's sometimes the worst part.
Though these parents have like perfectly good english and i'm like speaking third grade chinese to them, they're probably like oh, that's cute, she's trying.
Oh, my god, there was this time I ran into my family friends parents, unexpectedly.
And I guess because I wasn't expecting to see them and also I just don't speak Korean as often anymore, my Korean was super rusty.
And I had all these Korean thoughts.
Like literally my thoughts were in korean, but everything tumbling out of my mouth was in english.
And i was like embarrassed afterwards on the drive home, after i, like you know, wasn't able to speak any korean to them, i was able to say the words in korean dude.
I was basically just talking to myself in the car like oh, i should have fucking said this, like i should have said this.
Wait, I totally know that feeling too.
I'm like, why did in that moment, all of my knowledge just disappeared?
Yeah, exactly.
But, on another note, do you feel like maybe you personally and the adults that we're talking to are in a sense holding back because we don't know what to talk about?
Oh, i think i feel the holding back aspect a little bit.
When it comes to humor oh, you know, we just crack jokes and it's like things that people our generation would laugh about, and the adults have the same thing, but maybe a lot of their jokes are in mandarin or something, or korean.
Sometimes i'm just like damn, i guess we'll just never know that we're funny Or like to what extent we could be funny.
Right, right.
What if the humor to them is more us stumbling through our words?
I totally get what you mean though.
When you're already like barely speaking legible sentences, you don't have time to think about how funny or like how to insert humor in.
Yeah or it's like I feel like it's hella funny.
Oh yeah.
But no one laughs and I'm like oh okay this would have hit in English but that's fine.
Wait that has happened so many times with me with my parents.
They're like you can't say Chinese like that.
I'm like okay.
I wonder if there's other ways that maybe the adults hold back, though.
Because I kind of remember times when we were growing up where sometimes the adults would be more straightforward with the kids or more direct or something.
And then one of the kids would get pissy or emotional.
Or there was just more emotion growing up because everyone is younger or more stressed.
Yeah, now i feel like everyone is just super chilled out and i'm like huh wonder if we're like more happy and relaxed now and we're on the same level, or everyone is just being polite.
Oh, i see.
Yeah, i also wonder, maybe they don't know what to ask us as well.
True, do the parents know what you do for work?
I think they like vaguely, they have like a vague assumption.
And sometimes I try to explain it and I'm trying to gauge in my head if it's worth going into deep detail or not.
But yeah, they just know kind of the field.
Yeah, so I feel like that's very similar for me too.
And I also don't really know how to say my job in Chinese.
Yeah.
And I've asked my parents before too.
And they're like, ooh, not sure.
Maybe it's this, because some computer things are like we don't know what the right word for that stuff is either.
And so I feel like all the parents, they know my company, but they don't really know what I do.
So the most they can ask is like, are you still at that one company?
I'm like, yeah.
And they're like, cool.
You know that's interesting that you bring it up, because I mean, like I mentioned, they also only vaguely know what field I'm in.
So similar to you, there's not much to really talk about because it's like oh, how's your job?
It's good okay, i'm moving on.
But i feel like sometimes i notice i'm going really in depth with the guys.
Or like now that i'm married to james, we see like multiple sets of family friend, parents and everyone is like very invested in what james does oh, and then i feel like it's They're like not as invested in what I do.
Wait, dude, that just means James is the favorite child.
Dude, no.
This is devastating news for an only child.
But it's probably because they understand what he does.
Right.
So this is really funny because that makes me think of The farthest I've been able to go in terms of job talk is actually when I brought my boyfriend around like maybe it was the first year, the first couple times that i invited him to some of our stuff and i was like introducing him to some of the parents and i was like oh, he works in like energy, like gas and oil or whatever, like that's what he studied and like some of the stuff that he worked in.
Suddenly everyone like knows what university from china, where they came from, and they're like, oh yeah, like i also did a bunch of chemical engineering or whatever, and i'm like what the fuck?
Like suddenly a whole world has opened up.
And I was like, I didn't even know that like 60% of you all are like chemical engineers.
New fact unlocked after like 15 years of knowing.
Another really crazy thing is that my boyfriend, his Chinese is actually really good.
In the past in some of his jobs, when his peers or managers have been Chinese, they just speak Mandarin to him.
Like about work.
And I'm like dude.
I feel like that's very high level Chinese to be able to say like technical stuff too.
And so him and the parents were able to like talk more in depth.
Oh my God.
He's been preparing for this moment.
They're spitting out technical terms, saying chemistry in Chinese.
I'm like, how do you even say that?
And they're probably saying different other gases and whatever.
And I'm like, this is crazy.
I have never unlocked this level of like mutual understanding and like ability to relate to each other in my life with these adults.
I guess in some ways they're probably like, oh my God, this person studies what I also study.
We have so much in common.
We can like talk about it in the field.
But I feel like, as the person who's in a more niche field that Asian parents don't know, it just like feels bad, you know.
Yeah.
They're like, oh yeah, Crystal has a job.
Even my parents are sometimes like, wait, what do you do?
Oh my God.
Dude, honestly, that's also so funny because James and I see your boyfriend a lot.
Yeah.
I swear he has explained what he studies to us like 10 times.
And once in a while, someone else who knows you guys but not as well, will ask me and James like oh yeah, like what does he study right now?
We're like silent, like unable to explain what he's studying.
Wait, I'll give you a refresher.
It's okay, I'll just ask your family friends.
Actually, oh my god, this is such a funny story now that i'm thinking about it.
So recently i was at like a car dealership with my dad because he wanted to buy a car.
The funny thing is, my friend's parents were also there buying a car and so i went over to say hi, and my dad and her dad actually know each other because they work at the same company and we used to carpool for like swimming when we were younger.
So then they're like, oh my god, long time no see.
And they sat and chatted for a bit and then my friend's mom she was also there and then we chatted a little bit.
I was like oh, like i heard you're, you know like doing some home remodels, like your daughter told me blah, blah.
She asked like how i'm doing, and then she asked about my boyfriend and then i talked about what he studies and she was like oh, and then we started literally talking more just about what he's studying.
I'm like i see his field truly reaches so many more adult ears And mine's.
It's an adult pleasing field of study.
And the funny thing is me and her daughter, we actually do the same kind of work.
So I wonder if she was like, yeah, I don't know what the hell you guys are doing.
So let me just talk about your boyfriends.
Dude, honestly, part of me also wonders if it's a gender thing.
And I was trying to think about this more recently.
I was like if I had like a very accessible job that everyone knows, you don't have to explain much like say, I was like a doctor or a lawyer or something.
I think the adults would ask me more questions about my job.
But at the same time I feel like if James had that kind of job, they would still ask him more questions than they would ask me as a doctor or a lawyer.
You know what I mean?
Yes, I totally get what you're saying.
I think I can agree with your observation too.
I think that might happen in my family friend group too.
They're more prone to asking the boys what their job is.
Some more details like how things are going at work.
And then for the girls, it's like, you guys have jobs.
Yeah.
Nice.
Damn.
Do you think jobs are a bigger part of men's identities to some people's eyes?
That could be true for sure.
Mm hmm.
I guess the other thing that comes to mind too is like sometimes when I see the moms, I feel like there's so much more to talk about.
You know, start off with like complimenting the outfits and the bags and the shoes and then talking about like the homes or travel or whatnot.
So maybe the career conversation just is lower on the totem pole for us, Or at least for me.
Maybe I just don't think of my career as like the top thing in my identity.
Yeah, for sure.
I try to avoid talking about work too much, I think, with like general friends and peers and stuff.
Right.
So maybe that carries over a bit.
And then maybe that's similar to like the moms and stuff.
I think also in like Chinese culture as well women getting jobs and stuff is definitely not something as like pressured, I guess.
Hmm.
Because I feel like a lot of people know that they want to have kids eventually.
And then they're like, I'll happily sacrifice my career for kids kind of thing.
At least, you know, in that generation.
I think that's the vibe I get.
Yeah.
I mean, I also had like a mostly stay at home mom.
So I think that holds true for us as well.
Mm hmm.
Maybe they're also just like, work is boring as fuck.
I've noticed that the older we get, there's just more that we have in common with the adults now, which is crazy to me, because when we were young I was just like dude, you know my family, friend parents.
They don't know me, but now i'm like, oh my god, like we all travel to the same country, but at different times, like we can share travel recs, or like they are planning for retirement and so are my parents.
Or, like you know, they also bought a house, they also bought a car blah, blah.
And i'm just like the venn diagram between us and them is growing bigger and bigger, which would mean conversation should get more natural and easy.
But I don't think it's quite there yet.
Yeah, I was just about to say, shouldn't we have better conversation?
It's a work in progress.
Yeah, why is it still just like check-in, small talk for one minute and then oh, your friends are back over there on the couch.
I think there's also something funny that happens.
Less so to me now because i don't see my parents as often, but sometimes when i hang out with my family friend, parents and my parents are there.
The parents will ask me a question and then i'll like try to respond back, but once i start stumbling on my words, my mom will just respond for me and i'm like wait, what the fuck You're like?
Give me a chance, mom.
I'm like, okay, my spokesperson is here.
Yeah, sometimes I also notice that one of the parents might say something to me in completely understandable English or Chinese and I just like stare blankly, and then my mom just says the exact same thing, maybe in like even simpler words.
I'm like, oh yes, I know what you're saying.
Yeah.
You know now that I think about it.
Maybe this is something that's common for people who live in the US.
For us who like aren't as strong or as confident in our language skills.
But I have this memory of going back to Korea when I was like 18 or 19 or something.
Yeah, my aunt had asked me a question at dinner.
I think my like tongue wasn't warmed up enough yet and, out of habit i, instead of responding, looked at my mom and gave her that same stare that you were talking about.
Yeah, and i feel like my aunt because she, you know, lives in korea where, like she doesn't know the like korean american or like the immigrant experience of being in the us.
I think she thought it was weird and she was like oh, is that a question so challenging that you have to ask your mom, or something?
And then at the time I was embarrassed and I was like, oh, you know, I don't know why I did that.
But now I'm like, it's just because my Korean is bad.
Like used to my mom translating everything.
Yeah.
No, for sure.
Like now what I just do, I just nod and smile.
Nod and smile, make some affirming noises.
Yeah.
Whoa, yeah.
Wow, very convincing.
Have to try it out.
Yeah, you definitely should.
Because sometimes, like me and my mom, are hanging out and then someone's talking like a mile a minute to us.
And, you know, I'm like, okay, thank God my mom's here.
She'll understand.
I will just have to nod and smile like I know what's going on.
I also wonder if you know how, in English, when you have a conversation, I feel like there's certain cadences to where you cut in.
But in Asia, I feel like the speed in which you cut in and how you cut in is kind of different.
So sometimes it's like I can understand what they're saying and I might have something to say.
But by the time I'm like ready to say it, they've like moved on.
Oh my God, or it's like not the right timing anymore and i'm like, oh okay, guess i'm not.
I'm just like being silent for the rest of this conversation and i'm like i don't know how to say circling back in korean, you know wait, by the way, the thing we were talking about like five minutes ago.
Just need to put my word in.
Oh, I did have another funny thought about like us hanging out with parents of family friend groups.
There was a few times during COVID where I would hang out with the parents in like a very small group.
And I think at the time I was maybe one of the only kids in the Bay.
We played cards together a few times and we played big two.
There's a bunch of like asian variations of that one right, and i was like oh, i know this game, and so i joined them and we're playing.
And then they were like wait, first of all, you know this game.
I was like, come on dude, big two.
And then they're second of all.
They're like wait, you're kind of good.
Like we keep winning.
I was like, come on, dude.
Like just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Wait, that's a good one.
Like proving your skills through games.
Yeah.
I was like, come on guys.
Like I can be just as good as you all too.
And actually, I feel like in games, you can showcase your personality a little bit.
Like some people are aggressive.
Some people are more clever and like sly.
For sure.
So maybe that's how you break the barrier.
You just play big two with them.
Like spam it.
Actually, you're right.
Like next time they start playing cards, I'll be like, buy in $10.
Dude, I thought of another way that the adult kid barrier is broken.
And I feel like when we all turned 21 and we started being able to like legally drink wine at family friend gatherings, it was like such a trippy experience.
Dude.
So then, when adults would come up to us at family friend parties and offer us a glass of wine or something I remember in the beginning, I would look at my parents to see if I was allowed, even though it's legal now.
They're like, you're 21.
And I also remember drinking the wine and being like, oh my god, this wine tastes so expensive.
Damn, you got some fancy people out there.
I feel like it's more like what we were used to drinking, like barefoot moscato or something was very like.
You're like this was like a real bottle of wine.
I'm like wait, this bottle of wine costs more than like five dollars.
This is crazy.
Remember when I asked in the beginning of this episode if the parents know me?
They actually do know part of me.
Oh?
I actually have a reputation right now that I like drink a lot.
Okay, there's actually two aspects to it.
One is that i drink a lot and two is that i know wine.
So usually whenever i walk into a party now, they're like oh like hi crystal, and then they'll be like wine's over there, oh my god, that's so funny.
Like oh, we have hello wine today.
I need to know if this is like a reputation that was built up over many gatherings, or sometimes there's like one iconic gathering and then boom, you have a reputation.
You know there was one time i did accidentally drink too much, but i think even before then i did just like drink a lot, as in like i would just keep pouring myself glasses of wine and they're like are you good?
I was like oh dude, i'm fine.
And they're like whoa, crystal be drinking?
Yeah, Crystal can hold her wine.
And then one time I did share, I was like, oh yeah, I'm like pretty into wine, blah, blah, blah.
And they were like, oh, that's pretty interesting.
So they asked me a bit more and they're like, oh, okay.
Like maybe Crystal does know her wine.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Actually it's kind of funny because sometimes parents will randomly be like they'll pull out a bottle and be like oh, what'd you think of this wine?
They're all generally a little bit, at least a little bit into it.
So they have their opinions, but they're not like too specific about it.
So I guess that's one area where we can like talk a little more.
That's honestly hella funny.
But I feel like because you actually know your wine, it's not a bad reputation by any means.
You know what I mean?
Maybe.
Maybe.
All the kids know too.
They're like, oh, Crystal, are you going to drink some wine today?
I think also, whenever the parents open the first bottle, they'll come to me and be like do you need wine?
Oh my God, that's so iconic.
I won't say no.
Do you feel like having the parents know that side of you makes you feel like closer to them?
I feel like it's a little embarrassing sometimes.
I'm like, oh, shoot.
I don't necessarily want to be known as a drunkard.
I feel like you're just like the wine girly.
Maybe.
But I think also a lot of the kids in our family friend group.
They actually don't really drink that much.
So maybe because of the comparison, there too, it's like oh yeah, Crystal drinks a decent amount, mm-hmm.
I feel like the wine experience for us is James and I live a little bit further right from some of the places that we usually tend to meet, so usually one of us is driving so they always check like oh, who's driving, like who can drink tonight, and usually James and I will kind of switch off, so they're always like happy to pour the other person a little bit of wine.
Yeah Oh, that's cute.
Dude.
Okay.
Do your parents usually drink at these?
Because I remember when, once I learned how to drive, my parents would always be like all right, like either Crystal or your brother drive us home because, like we drank a little bit.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Wow.
That totally jogs the memory.
It's like you get your license and you're so happy and then you realize you're the DD for like the rest of your life.
Totally forgot about that.
But my parents and their family friends do drink, but I feel like they drink a lot less now.
Okay.
As they get older, they're not like party hardy anymore.
Yeah, i feel like that's true too now.
So now my dad dd is for me.
Oh my god, that is so funny.
Yeah, or if my brother's home, then he'll dd.
Now I'm like imagining your family friend parents, being like buying wine at Costco in preparation for these dinners and being like hope Crystal likes this one.
It's probably more like, hey, get one more bottle.
Crystal's coming today.
Up the supply, up the supply.
That actually makes me wonder if each kid has a reputation amongst the parents.
Like the wine one seems like it's kind of universally shared, like maybe like a family friend meme.
But I'm sure there's like secret reputations or like secret inside jokes that the parents might have about the kids as well.
Oh, I could totally see that.
I feel like when I'm a parent and we have like our own family friend group, I could totally see myself and James being like yeah, this kid is going to get married first.
Like this kid is going to do this and maybe like we would place bets on it.
I think you would be the matchmaker.
You'd be like, I want this kid to get with that kid.
You're so right.
Actually, the parents in my family friend group, they totally match-made.
Oh, my God.
It wasn't like that they match-made, but they were totally like oh like, if any of the kids were to get together like, this is how they would pair off.
Oh.
Wow, that's tea, actually.
There's so much fun to be had as the adult in a family friend group.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You guys can totally bet on like their jobs too.
True, true.
They're interested in numbers, so they're going to be an accountant or something like that.
Or like oh, after college this kid will probably move back, but this kid I could see going to New York.
Yeah oh, my god, that would be so fun.
Actually dude, the parents probably had so much fun when we were kids, just like glancing over at us and making like side bets.
So true, and i feel like parents at least at my family friend gatherings used to take forever to leave the party because they were having too much fun.
Oh yeah, Like they would start talking on the door for like an hour.
Yes.
And we like have our shoes on.
And then I remember eventually we would like give up, sit down and start playing DS again.
Yes.
And then they would be like, okay, we're going.
Like I just sat back down.
Dude, but nowadays we leave hella quickly.
We leave before midnight.
You mean like your whole family?
Everyone.
Everyone clears out before midnight, unless it's like a midnight event.
For example, New Year's Eve.
Then, like the moment we finish watching that countdown, everyone's like all right, like we got to go home now.
Bye, everyone.
Actually, yeah, I've noticed that too.
There's like a hard deadline now.
No dilly dally.
Yeah, no extra conversations at the door.
It's like, hurry up.
People are waiting behind you.
Yeah.
I wonder like at what age for the parents are family friend parties the most fun?
Like when does it peak?
Or is the peak not here yet?
Oh my god.
Maybe it peaks when everyone's retired. they're like gearing up because now some people are working some people aren't but when they're fully retired they're gonna go balls to the walls like yeah like every day's a weekend You know, sometimes now they're like, oh, you know, tomorrow's Monday.
Can't stay out too late.
Still got stuff to do.
But once they're retired, dude, they're like, I got no responsibilities anymore.
You guys can sleep over.
It's like a multi-day.
What is it called?
Bender.
Oh, yeah.
That's wild.
They're like, we got sleeping bags for everyone.
So if retirement is maybe the next or biggest peak, I feel like the second biggest peak is probably when kids are in middle school, because then they're like truly entertaining themselves.
But I feel like elementary school kids you have to like go and check on them, make sure they're doing okay.
Maybe the age gap between kids feels bigger because some might be early elementary, some might be like older.
But I feel like by the time people are like in middle school, high school, they all just talk and hang out anyways.
You don't think it's like when the kids all go off to college?
Oh because then they're like oh my god, there's no more kids here, like we can talk our shit.
Interesting, my theory is no, because i feel like free time is the most fun when there's obligations and responsibilities.
You know how like weekends hit hella good on like really busy work months.
But in the summer, like a weekend is just the same thing as like a weekday.
So I feel like maybe family friend parties are the most fun when everyone is like super busy but not crazy, like high school busy.
I see.
I see.
Interesting theory.
Or maybe it's just when their drinking tolerance is the highest.
It's true.
They're bin maxing their liver.
But speaking of party hardy, there is one final thing that I feel like is very funny.
And it's kind of a new experience for me. which is parents being around in a party setting.
And I experienced this recently where a friend threw a birthday thing.
We all went over and spent a weekend in this really big Airbnb.
And his parents came over because it was his birthday.
And we were all playing drinking games.
And I was just like, oh, my God.
Again, going back to the, are we allowed to do this while your parents are here?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I thought it was really cute and special because they came and even like, joined us for a few games.
Eventually I realized that we were all basically 30.
So yes, we're allowed to do these things.
Dude, that's wholesome.
Is that wholesome fun?
Oh, nice tie back.
Do you think your parents would take a shot with you?
I could totally see my mom doing it.
My dad maybe would need some convincing, but I feel like my mom would be more than happy to. my parents okay this is tough i think my mom wouldn't because she gets really bad asian glow so she actually usually avoids drinking 90 of the time but she claims that she can hold her alcohol but i've never seen her drink more than one sip and she always turns really red The doubt.
My dad.
On the other hand, he does drink a little bit and he actually doesn't really get Asian glow, but he prefers to drink like beer, that kind of stuff.
So like maybe he would take a shot.
But then here's the thing.
I guess like my parents are like, oh yeah, like Crystal likes to drink a lot.
So they would be like, Crystal, like control yourself.
Be safe.
Stop drinking so much.
Actually, my parents are like that too.
Or my dad is like that.
He's like more wary and like worried about his precious daughter.
So that's why I feel like he would not take the shot to like not encourage the behavior, I guess.
Yeah, every time I'm like oh, I'm going to go out to hang out with friends, my mom's like don't drink too much.
I'm like, oh, okay.
You're like, we're just going to the movies.
I'm like 30, by the way.
I mean, I think you're right in that some parents are more down and like more happy to do it than other parents.
I remember back in college one of our friends graduated and then her parents came by to the celebration afterwards and took like a pull or something out of the bartender's bottles.
And I saw the video and I was like dude, what the like?
This is so cool honestly, like it's very cool.
Yeah, it was really cool.
Yeah, i don't think my parents could be that.
I don't think they could pull that off not the pull from the bottle.
Yeah, maybe someday we can convince them.
We get our parents together and we'll be like dude if they do it, you have to do it.
We just straight up, peer pressure our parents.
I mean, I wonder almost if in that party setting, they feel peer pressured.
Dude, 15 to 20 youngsters like, take a shot with us.
They're probably like, holy fuck, we better take the shot with them.
I wonder if they get like a flashback to when they were our age.
Yeah, i'm curious.
What was young and wild mom and dad like?
Yeah, i can totally imagine when we're like in our 50s or something, if this were to happen to us, we would think back to our prime, our prime.
Well, it was fun talking about this generational gap and brainstorming new topics to chat with these adults with.
Maybe someday, maybe 10 more years, they'll finally see us as adults.
Maybe once more people start getting married and you have a few other married buddies, then they'll be like oh shit, like these guys are legit.
Then we'll graduate from the kids table.
Yeah, finally.
We'll be like, you guys are at the grandparent table.
It's like a case where they have to get promoted first and then we get promoted.
So for our listeners out there, if you have any good topic ideas that you speak to adults slash, parent generations about, about feel free to share with us.
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We upload new episodes every other wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening and don't forget to eat your crust.
