You know, I've always struggled with finding hobbies.
Ever since I was a kid, I remember being so jealous of the kids who seemed to just find their hobbies effortlessly.
Almost as though their hobbies just fell into their lap.
You know, like the kids who got put into soccer camp when they were 4 years old, and then by 14 years old, they were soccer prodigies, or the kids who started painting and doodling at age 2 and then by age 12, we're being entered into art competitions.
Or the kids who were obsessed with bugs starting at age three, and now at age 15 are working at an internship at a bug scientist lab, making papier -mâché replicas of bugs.
Like, I've always just felt like hobbies come easily to everybody but me.
And I am aware that that's a bit extreme, a bit irrational, but that's always how I've felt.
I've had hobbies over the years that have stuck somewhat but I have never really liked hobbies.
Like, even the hobbies that really have been satisfying and exciting for me have always come to some sort of tragic end eventually.
I don't know I just it was really hard growing up and watching my dad, somebody who is the king of hobbies.
He is a painter. He's a surfer.
He makes music. He's a photographer.
He does woodworking and carpentry and all like this man is a walking hobby.
Okay. That doesn't even make sense, but you get what I'm saying?
Like he is the king of hobbies.
And I remember feeling so jealous of him.
Like how was he able to find so much fulfillment and excitement from these arguably pointless tasks like, I don't know, I always really just struggled with the concept of hobbies always.
In fact, to fully paint this picture for you, let me tell you about every single hobby I've ever had throughout my life, at least that I can remember.
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Now, let's get back to the episode.
As a kid, I really loved listening to music with my dad.
And I watched my dad play music, play guitar, sing.
I was like, I wanna do that.
So my dad was like, let me teach you.
And let me tell you, the same thing would happen over and over and over again.
We would have like a singing lesson or a guitar lesson or something.
And it would start out inspired.
I'd be like, yeah, let's fuckin' do this thing.
You know, I'm going to sing Hey Soul Sister by train.
I'm going to hit all the notes, you know, maybe we'll even record it and listen back to it, this is going to be great.
Or okay, it's time to learn guitar.
Let's sit down and let's get going.
Let's start strumming.
I think playing guitar is going to be really satisfying.
Mind you, this is at age like seven, eight, nine, ten, pretty young.
Long story short, every time it would start super inspired, I'd be super excited.
and after like 15 to 20 minutes, I would get so frustrated that I would storm out of the kitchen where we were doing these music lessons and I would go in my room and slam the door because for some reason I got angry either because the guitar was too big for my little fingers to like reach around in pluck and press on or the strings on the guitar were hurting my fingers and of course I have calluses because it was my first day of guitar practice or I would sing and I would feel like my dad like wasn't impressed enough with my singing voice and I would get frustrated and walk out.
Like whatever it was, I would end up frustrated.
But then like a few weeks would go by and I'd be like, wait, no let me try again.
And I'd try again. And then the same thing would happen.
I would get pissed off and frustrated for some reason and I'd quit again.
And this happened over and over and over again throughout my childhood.
And eventually I decided number one, guitar is too hard. I'm never gonna learn it.
And number two, singing is way too embarrassing.
I would never sing in front of anybody ever because that's embarrassing.
So, ultimately music didn't work out for me, which is a bummer because I wish I would have stuck with it.
I love music. Like, I have this, like, deep, like, yearning in my soul to just play instruments.
And it's not too late but if I would have started when I was a kid, can you imagine, I would be Sabrina Carpenter Jr. You know what I mean, I would be out there singing and twirling around on stage.
I don't know if I would have liked that, to be honest, but it could have happened if I would have stuck with it but I got discouraged and I hated it.
And then, you know, it only got worse when I got older and I was like, and this is embarrassing.
Like when I was a kid, it was like, this is too hard. And then it got worse when I got older because I was like, and all of this is cringe.
I think all of this is cringe.
Okay. So music didn't work out.
I also tried a few different experimental sports.
Okay. I tried figure skating.
I tried karate. And I tried like a hip hop dance class all between the ages, I don't know, six and 12, probably, approximately.
I did them all for varying lengths of time like I think I figure skated for like a year I think I did karate for like two years, which is actually kind of long I did hip -hop dance for like five minutes.
Actually, I think I did like a one month class Did I hate these activities?
No, in fact, you know for two out of the three of them I actually went over and over again for longer than a year But I was never passionate about these things I wasn't passionate about figure skating.
I wasn't passionate about karate.
It was cool and it was fun and I enjoyed it and I got a little bit better but it never clicked for me.
I never got past the point of being a beginner where I was like, oh wait, this is satisfying.
Whenever you start any new hobby, it's not gonna be fun in the beginning.
It's just not. You're gonna be frustrated, you're gonna be confused.
You're not gonna have the skills to fully participate in the hobby, like, it sucks in the beginning.
Even me as a kid knew like figure skating and karate, like these things are not gonna be fun for me in the beginning.
Like I have to practice, you know?
But it never got fun.
It wasn't miserable, but it never got fun.
So I ultimately quit those things too.
I think I liked it.
Like, I think I enjoyed it, but I didn't love it.
And at a certain point when you've been doing something for like a year, two years and you don't love it yet But it's like, okay, I think we're good.
You know, I also went to sewing camp.
This was inspired by my older cousins.
I have two older cousins on my dad's side that, when I was a kid, were like my idols.
I thought they were so cool.
I still think that they're so cool.
But when I was a kid, it was like, Oh my God, they're so cool.
I want to be just like them.
They're three years older than me.
They're so old and cool.
And I remember they went to this local sewing camp and showed me a bunch of the stuff that that they had sewn and I was just dumbfounded.
I was like, I wanna sew a pillow and like a skirt.
Like that sounds awesome.
So I begged my parents to sign me up and they did and I did a one week sewing camp.
I think it was during the summer when I was like, probably eight.
Like I was very young, which in retrospect is kind of impressive that they're like teaching eight year olds how to sew with sewing machines.
sewing machines are so scary and so dangerous.
Like, you can really get injured with a sewing machine and they just let us use them.
I don't know, they trusted us, it's kinda beautiful.
And I mean, I was totally fine.
I remember I sewed a little skirt, a little pillow and like a little pouch, literally exactly what they sewed. And I actually really loved it.
Oh, and like a cross body bag too.
Yeah, a little cross body bag at eight years old.
I actually did stick with sewing for a little bit.
I probably sewed like once a month, once every two months for like two years following that sewing camp, and luckily for me, my mom is incredible at sewing, and so she had a sewing machine.
And she would like help me set up the machine so I could sew.
But like, to be honest, I hit a wall with sewing because you can only sew simple things like pillows and little pouches and little skirts with like one little elastic band in it, like you can only sew that type of stuff so much before it's like, okay, I have a lot of pillows and I have a lot of like little skirts and I have a lot of little pouches.
Like I can't, I literally cannot add another one of these things to my collection.
It's ridiculous like now I just have a junk drawer filled with junk that I'm sewing.
Like I'm not sewing anything useful, right?
Like, it became this sort of stupid thing where I was like, okay, I can't justify this anymore even as like, I don't know what an eight or 10 year old.
And when it came to sewing actual garments, like shirts and pants, I was like, I'm obviously not going to sew a pair of pants.
I don't even know where to begin with that.
And I wasn't motivated to do it.
I didn't even know how to find, I didn't know to go online and buy patterns for making clothes.
That whole thing, it was just beyond my capacity as a 10 -year -old, and so I eventually gave up sewing because I had too many pillows and too many pouches.
Oh my God, you know what else I did?
Needle felting. Needle felting was interesting.
It was actually quite fun.
Needle felting was basically like, imagine like raw wool that's just in like a puffy ball, okay?
And imagine if you were to take a needle and poke it over and over and over again, as you poke it, it starts to condense like the fibers condense and you can basically shape the wool, the big wool piece into something dense and smaller and shaped and it's like making a little figurine and then you can like take dyed wool and you can needle felt color onto it.
You know like you do the base with just like a basic beige color like the natural color of the wool and then you cover whatever your little shape is with colored wool and you needle felt that on.
I don't know if I'm explaining it well but you get the idea.
I got into that for a minute.
I think that was another thing that I copied from my cousins like they were doing that and I was like well I want to do that and then I made my mom go buy me a bunch of wool and I actually got really into that and I did that for probably over a year but the problem was it took too long like you're just poking this wool over and over and over again for so many hours and it just gets so boring and I just couldn't do it anymore.
And then it's like if you try to like half pay attention like let's say you were to like sit on the couch and needle felt and watch TV, you will poke yourself in the hand with the needle and the needle is no joke, it's like sharp.
So yeah, that didn't stick for me.
It just, it took too long.
It wasn't satisfying.
Like I like being able to start and finish an art project.
Ideally within one day that's ideal for me and a needle felting project would take like two weeks.
I actually never tried knitting because everybody that I knew that knit or crochet or whatever, it would take them so long to make anything.
I was like, I don't even wanna try.
What else? For a little while there my mom and I were rock climbing and we actually kinda got into it.
Actually my mom wasn't ever rock climbing but she learned how to do the ropes from below cause like if you do rock climbing, like the rock climbing where you're going really, well let me tell you, I was going rock climbing in like a studio.
I was not rock climbing in real life, let's be clear.
I think you know that, but I'm just clarifying just in case, we were rock climbing in a facility where there were these fake rock climbing walls.
They were not real.
They were not natural.
They were high up, but they were not real.
There were these harnesses with ropes that you were forced to put on if you were going to climb these really, really tall climbing walls.
I don't remember how I got into it.
I think my mom took me a few times because she just thought I would like it and there like some instructors there and they did the rope stuff with me and then I really liked it and I was like well mommy can you learn how to do it?
Like can you learn how to do the ropes?
And she learned so then I could go as much as I wanted with my mom and she could do that for me and we didn't have to like set it up with like a coach or whatever.
Anyway, I really liked that for a little while but once again like I just got bored of it.
It was never like this huge, there was not a falling out with rock climbing it wasn't like oh, I hurt myself and now I don't want to go anymore." Or like, I found something else that I like better.
It was just like, I just woke up one day and I was like, you know what?
I don't think I'm ever going to go rock climbing again.
And that's just how it is sometimes.
Next I did gymnastics for a little bit.
Again, at age, like, what was I eight?
Was I 11? Like I don't really remember, it doesn't really matter.
I really liked gymnastics.
It was really fun. I actually don't know why I quit.
I really can't remember.
I can't like, I might've quit because I started to get scared because like I was moving to the next level and it scared me.
I really don't know why I quit gymnastics.
Honestly. I would have to call my mom.
And to be honest, it's not that important, but I tried it and I think I was afraid of it.
That's my guess because gymnastics does get scary really quick.
Like one day you're jumping on the trampoline and the next day you're like doing a flip around the bars.
You know what I mean?
it's kind of a big jump, you know?
And I think that might've frightened me.
Either that, or I didn't like my coach or something, like I don't know.
Anyway, I quit gymnastics, that didn't last very long, maybe two years.
Oh my God, this was one of my favorite hobbies.
In fact, I might get back into this one day.
I really loved this nail art.
Yeah, I became obsessed with nail art in middle school.
obsessed, okay? So I used to like repaint my nails every other day.
And I would do a full design that I found on Pinterest. Like it was a whole thing.
And there was nail polish all over the living room.
It was... This was my lifestyle.
Let me give you some design examples, okay?
I did cheetah print.
People think, oh, cheetah print.
Beige, browns, oh no no no no. No, have you ever heard of hot pink cheetah print?
paint the nails hot pink do a little do like little You know black squiggly lines and do like a little white dot in the center of the squiggly line Suddenly you have cheetah print that is neon pink.
Yeah one day I did sort of like a little sunset on my nails so I like painted my nails pink and then used a sponge that I stole from my mom and like sponged on orange and yellow and made this sunset, and then on one nail, I took a tiny little brush, I literally bought the tiny little brushes, like I was so into this.
And I painted like a palm tree, like a black palm tree on my nails, so it looked like the outline of a palm tree, like I was so into it.
And I was actually pretty good, I wasn't great.
I wasn't great, but I was pretty good.
And it became sort of known that I did nails, probably because I was marketing my work.
I did have an Instagram account called emmachambienails, I think.
It doesn't exist anymore.
So don't get any ideas.
You're not going to be able to find it.
And it became known, oh, Emma does nails.
So my friends started having me come over after school or after cheer practice or whatever.
That's a little foreshadowing for the next hobby.
But anyway, I would paint my friends' nails.
I fully had a clientele.
It was absolutely incredible.
I think I ultimately gave this one up because you end up hitting a wall when you're a nail artist and you don't have professional training.
You get to a point where you're like, this actually doesn't look very good, you know?
Because manicures look really good, not just because of the application of polish.
A manicure looks good because your cuticles got cleaned and your foot got scrubbed and your hands got scrubbed and you got lotion put on, and then they put oil and then sprayed alcohol, like it's this whole process, okay?
It's not just like putting on nail polish.
When you're at the nail salon, there is like a 90 -step process that goes into a simple manicure.
But when you don't have proper training, all you're doing is just putting polish on and taking polish off, you know what I'm saying?
In addition to that, gel polish started to become a thing.
And I was like wait, I don't know how to put gel polish on myself and I'd way rather have gel polish than regular nail polish, because regular nail polish chips and you know takes forever to dry, like I want to try out gel polish or everybody was calling it shellac at the time and I was like you know what I'm gonna start going back to the salon.
So I ultimately went back to the salon and I stopped doing nail art and it was kind of heartbreaking.
I would honestly love to learn how to do nails.
Not only on myself but also on others, like I just love the art of nails.
I've always loved it, but right now I have short little nails.
Short little nails with no art on them.
Next we have one of the most successful hobbies I've ever had and that was competitive cheerleading.
I was a competitive cheerleader for like five, six years, okay?
That's pretty good for me.
Every other hobby I just mentioned was max two years, if that.
So, five or six years cheerleading, pretty good.
I started cheerleading because, shocker, one of my cousins started doing cheerleading and it looked so fun to me.
She was showing me videos of her cheer team and like the stunts that they were doing, and then we would, like, try to do stunts with just us and like our other cousins, and I loved it and I was like I need to join a cheer team.
So I ended up signing up and the first team that I was on was literally so bad it's insane.
I watched the videos from this cheerleading team.
We were obviously the lowest level but we were lower than the lowest level.
We were so bad this first team.
We went to competitions and got last every single time.
It was insane how bad we were but I got the bug.
I got addicted to cheer.
This was the first hobby for me that I really became passionate about.
I fully dedicated myself to cheerleading and I fucking loved it.
When I first started, I had practiced, I think, three days a week.
You know, that's a decent commitment.
And I practiced in the gym with my team and outside of the gym.
Like, I was practicing at home.
And I was going out on my front lawn at my dad's house, doing cartwheels, doing back walkovers, doing round -offs, you know, trying to practice the splits to get more flexible, I was like, I am going to be a good cheerleader.
After a few years at this tiny little local cheerleading gym, I got pretty good.
I could do backflips here and there and I got kind of good.
And then I ended up ultimately moving to a more competitive cheerleading gym that actually required me to drive one hour to cheerleading practice because it was in a whole other town, far away, multiple times a week, I think four times a week.
And the cheerleading gym that I went to was one of the best in the United States.
Yeah and I was driving an hour to go there and I was not on the best team, that is for sure.
I was on like a mid -level team and I never went higher than that but I got really into it, going to a gym an hour away from me, it's dedication, Also my parents.
I also feel horrible for my parents.
I don't know why they did that for me I begged I begged though.
I Begged I I've never begged harder for something in my life because I really love cheerleading I loved it to the extent that like I was on Instagram and Twitter and I was following all the all the famous Cheerleaders, and I was like looking at updates about cheer team like famous cheer teams all the time and I was constantly stretching and practicing at home.
And I was obsessed.
I lived and I breathed cheerleading.
I loved it. But in high school, the passion started to fade.
It just became too intense, I think, driving an hour to practice like four times a week, training really hard, and ultimately not improving that much. I wasn't improving that much. And it was starting to get to the point where I was like, okay, I have three or four more years left my cheerleading career that like, I can, like, even legally participate in because like the cutoff for cheerleading competitive is for the most part, 18.
There's some competition chair leading that you can do after 18, but not as much. I was like, I'm not going to get that much better in three or four years.
And I'm dedicating a lot of my time to this.
My body hurts because I'm training so hard. I want to go to a good college one day.
I didn't spoiler alert, but like I want to go to a good college one and I'm focusing so much time on cheerleading I don't have time for school I should probably quit.
And then I was doing high school cheerleading a little bit there even though I got kicked off the team but then they like put me back on the team a little bit and I was like oh okay maybe I'm going to be back on the team and then my first performance back with my high school team I broke my hand and then it was like fuck it I'm just done I'm done with cheerleading I'm done it's ruining my body my back hurts now my hand is broken I'm just done.
And I don't regret quitting I don't because I think I But I ultimately had to quit, like I wasn't ever going to be at the level that I like dreamed of being at.
And to me, like the hard work wasn't worth it unless I got to that point.
So I gave up, but I still absolutely loved cheerleading.
And sometimes I go on YouTube and watch cheerleading competition performances and that's weird, but I do it.
Okay. Another hobby this one started, I think in high school running after cheerleading, I was like, what am I going to do with my time?
And I wanted to try another school sport, so I tried cross -country and track.
And let me tell you, it was miserable, okay?
I absolutely hated running.
I hated it! I literally, oh, my God, I hated it.
But to me, it felt like a sport that I could just jump into and get decent at quickly, because unlike something like lacrosse or soccer, like, you need years of experience to know how to navigate the ball.
You know? To truly be able to multitask in the way that soccer, lacrosse, these sort of balls sports require.
It's just not beginner friendly.
Whereas running, everybody knows how to run.
Everybody's run before.
You know, when I was a cheerleader, I used to run.
We were forced to run like two miles twice a week outside of practice.
And then we had to send a screenshot to our coach that we did it.
So I had run before.
You know, I had been running.
So it felt like something I could do.
Anyway, I've, I absolutely hated it.
I was so slow, especially at cross country.
Cause that's like long distance running, you know, at our cross country meets, we were running two miles, three miles, four miles.
I was always in last place in JV.
I am not a long distance runner, track was better for me.
And they actually put me in hurdles, which I really liked.
That was kind of good for me.
Cause I was flexible for me and cheerleader.
So it was like kind of fun.
Like I did each for one season.
Okay. I did cross country for one season.
I did track for one season, and it just didn't stick for me.
Not only was I so bad at it, it wasn't fun either.
You don't have to be good at something to enjoy doing it.
Amen. Amen to that.
But see, the problem with running was, and specifically running as a sport, cross country and track, I wasn't good at it, and it wasn't fun.
So it was like, okay, we're done.
So I ended up never doing that again.
But I actually continued running as a hobby and off up until recently.
I've gone through running phases time and time again since high school and it's never fully stuck.
I've had like good, decent chunks of time where I've been running really consistently, but I wouldn't say it's ever fully stuck, and can I tell you something, I've never fully enjoyed it.
The thing that I have always loved about running is how I feel afterwards.
I feel incredible afterwards.
But while I'm running, I'm miserable and I've never experienced runner's high, I thought a few times I did but then like my like back in legs just didn't hurt for a second and I thought I had runner's high like running hurts.
I hate it to be honest, I really hate it.
As you can tell I'm not in a running phase right now because I'm speaking negatively about it for whatever reason, there are times in my life when I really enjoy it or I convince myself that I really enjoy it and it becomes a part of my routine and I might even recommend to people, oh my god, you should start jogging.
You should give it a try.
I'm into it right now But in retrospect, I think because I found forms of exercise that I prefer I look at running and I'm like you never like that idiot.
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Now, let's get back to the episode.
Okay, now we get to the kicker.
The next hobby I got into was making YouTube videos.
Now, this one did work out for me.
It started out as a hobby to keep me busy during one summer.
I just was in a dark place in my life.
My dad was like, you need a hobby.
You should make YouTube videos.
You watch YouTube videos all day long and all the time, almost like that is your hobby.
Maybe your hobby should be making YouTube videos instead of watching them.
Maybe that would be good for you.
So I started making YouTube videos, and I liked everything about it.
I liked filming it, I liked editing it, like the whole thing was a great hobby for me.
Now, here's where things got a little bit complicated.
My hobby became my job, very quickly.
Nobody wants to hear a fucking person whining about how their hobby became their job because in a lot of ways that's the dream.
You can get paid to do something that you would do for free, however, for some reason when your hobby becomes your job it changes the way you feel about the hobby.
This is a very common experience.
And I do think that there's a way to experience hobby -like joy from your career.
But, you know, a few years into your hobby being your career, you're like, wait a minute, I hate this now.
Now, this just feels like a job.
And again, it sounds whiny, and it sounds ungrateful, and it sounds sort of ridiculous.
but I've experienced this and everybody that I know whose hobby has turned into their career agrees with me.
It's this, like it's this cursed sort of thing that happens where sort of the impossible happens.
A hobby that you loved so much turns sour for you.
And I think that there is a way, again I think that there is a way to turn it back around, but I think it's almost inevitable that at a certain point in your career it gets complicated.
And so that has definitely happened to me with making YouTube videos.
It started out as a hobby, it very quickly became a job, and that was actually okay with me for a little bit.
But then I started to put all this pressure on myself to put out as many videos as possible and the pressure started to get to me and I experienced a lot of creative block and a lot of burnout from from pushing myself too hard. And then, you know, I started to become more known publicly, not even that famous, but to me, I felt kinda famous all of a sudden.
And I was like, okay.
And then that came with its own slew of complications.
And then that made me afraid of posting YouTube videos because I was like, oh my God, I like don't even want to be perceived anymore.
Like I'm afraid. I won't go into it into too much detail, but that hobby became very complicated very quickly for a number of reasons.
And it is still a hobby of mine.
I still love video creation.
I will never stop loving that.
But it's been very challenging to get back to a healthy place with it.
It's brought a lot of complication, a lot of intense emotions, there's been a lot to handle on this journey and it's made it very hard for me to sometimes participate in this hobby that I truly do love.
There's been a lot of other variables that have complicated it because it became my career.
But I will say that that is a hobby that has stuck and it's one of the first ones that's ever stuck for this long.
Like I've been making videos for, what, seven years and I don't make them as consistently anymore.
But that is actually my longest standing hobby of all time.
But again, like going back to what I said in the beginning of this episode, I have always struggled with hobbies even though this is my longest standing hobby and I love it Still it has been a journey.
It's like this was my hobby now.
It's my job now. It's stressing me out now I'm burnt out.
Now. I'm scared now everybody now people are talking about me now everybody.
Oh my god Now I don't want anyone to see me.
I don't want to show myself I just want to be in private but I can't because I'm Making videos and people are seeing them like it became this mess So, this is sort of what I mean by, I'm not good at hobbies.
You know, like even my best hobby, my most successful hobby has been incredibly complicated.
It also became my career that I am immensely grateful for.
So, I have no regrets, but I'm just painting this picture for you.
Anyway, moving on, a few years ago, I tried to learn to play drums because my dad bought a drum kit and put it in my childhood bedroom.
and I went home for the holidays one year and I was like, what is this?
And he was like, you need to try to play it.
It's so fun. I need to play drums?
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, why are they in my room?
What's happening? And he taught me a few little drum beats and I was like, wait, this is actually really fun.
And I really enjoyed it.
And I ultimately decided to buy myself a drum kit because I loved it so much. And I was having my dad like send me drum beats so that I could learn them.
I don't even know if that's the technical term.
a drum beat, like a pattern, like a drum pattern, which would maybe just make me better at playing drums so then if I wanted to copy a song or something or learn to play with a song it would maybe be easier.
Anyway, I hit a wall with the drums. I hit a wall with the drums because eventually it got to a point where my dad's like, I don't really have any more drum beats to send you.
You already know all the basic ones.
You should just start playing with music.
So I started playing with music but then that got too hard, I like couldn't keep up with music so then I was like huh okay well maybe I could find like some tutorials online that are a little bit more advanced than what my dad's teaching me but I could never really find any good tutorials and it was just like it anyway I ended up quitting.
I was like fuck this.
I still have a drum kit.
I still sit down and play with it sometimes.
I have a lot of musical people in my life love to sit down at that drum kit.
It gets used but not as much by me and it makes me sad because I really love the feeling of playing drums but like there's just I don't know the effective way to learn and maybe I'm just not trying hard enough and that could be true maybe I don't care deeply enough to figure it out that's probably the case I think if I really wanted to I would but for some reason I'm just like you know so I ultimately quit and the same thing sort of happened with rock climbing okay I but as you might remember, I was rock climbing, a lot.
As a kid, recently, I was like, you know what, that kinda sounds fun, I'm gonna try rock climbing again.
And then a few months ago, I went rock climbing again, and I was like, wait, this is awesome, and I had a really good time.
I remember doing it and being like, I'm gonna do this again.
And the last time I went rock climbing was, I think last weekend, and I was like, I am never doing this again, I'm not having fun at all.
I think the reason why I enjoyed the rock climbing on day one of my rock climbing revival was because it was new.
I hadn't done it in so long that it was like a novelty because I hadn't done it.
Every time I went back, it got more and more miserable until I just hated it and decided I'd never go back again.
And it's a shame because I bought a really huge thing of climbing chalk for your hands.
Yeah. And now I'm not going to be going back.
I actually hate it.
Like I actually really despise it and I didn't have fun.
Anyway, another hobby phase that I've been through time and time again, cooking, wow.
When I was a teenager, I got into cooking a little bit, mainly baking, I was baking a lot of like little cookies and stuff that were healthy.
Like my mom and I were really into making healthy recipes, healthy cookies that were made with like nuts and maple syrup, and it was kind of beautiful and very tasty.
And I remember really enjoying it and finding it therapeutic.
And then I got sick of it, and I don't know, my career took off and I moved to L .A.
and I was ordering food delivery for every single meal and then forgot cooking existed.
And then eventually got to a point where I was like, this is an unsustainable lifestyle and it's ridiculous that I'm ordering food delivery for every single meal.
this has to end. So eventually I started getting back into cooking again and then on and off over the last few years I've had these cooking phases.
I think that the challenge with cooking for me is, number one, it is a lot of work.
Doing the shopping, you know, grooming and cleaning your produce, storing everything, being smart and tactful about what you buy and how much of it you buy, and when it's expiration date is so that you can minimize food waste.
Managing all of these different things, also finding recipes that you like, doing research to find those recipes, it is such a time consuming process.
And to be quite honest, I can't justify making time for it all the time.
When I'm in a phase where my workload is pretty low, things are pretty chill, I don't know, I got time to spare, I'll cook, but a lot of times, it's like I don't have time to cook.
Now, when I say cook, I mean cooking things from scratch. I only eat out on the weekends.
That's sort of my rule, because I had gotten back into a routine of food delivery again.
And then I ended up drawing the line.
I was like, no, we're only doing food delivery on weekends.
During the week, food has to be cooked by hand.
Does it need to be from scratch?
No, if I want to put a frozen pizza in the oven, And if I want to fry up a veggie burger and toast up some buns, if I want to make pasta with sauce from a jar, that's what I have to eat.
But that's not cooking.
Like, that's not cooking as a hobby.
That's like cooking for survival.
It's a hobby when you're going to the farmer's market and you're picking out produce and then you're finding a recipe and you read the reviews of the recipe and then you set up your menu for the whole week.
So like, you know what you're going to cook that week and you buy all the right stuff.
And then you have a plan and everything's planned out and there's minimal food waste cause you planned well.
And it's like this whole beautiful sort of system that you got going on.
That is when it's a hobby.
And I just, I don't have the time for that all the time.
Listen, if I really wanted to make time for that, I could.
Right? But there are other things that are more important to me than that, but I love cooking.
That's that's what's so sad.
I really love cooking and I love food science.
I have watched so many cooking videos.
It's unbelievable. I have so much cooking knowledge.
I know more than the average person about cooking and yet I don't cook as a hobby.
It's very weird, but again, it's just like, I've never been able to fully embrace it as a hobby because it's too much work and I can't justify how time consuming it is.
And last but not least, art paintings drawings my dad is an oil painter and has been for as long as I can remember and it's always brought him so much joy to paint and I've always wanted to experience just a sliver of that joy and throughout my life I've really tried to enjoy it okay I've oil painted with my dad I've taken art classes, at school, I have played with pastels, I've played with colored pencils, I've played with charcoal.
I have tried to enjoy the creation of art, of this type of art my entire life.
I've always felt uninspired.
Uninspired, directionless, and ultimately miserable.
I've never enjoyed making art, I've never enjoyed it.
And it's always really bothered me because I always really wanted to enjoy it.
And like a few years ago, I kind of got into like, watercoloring, and it was sort of soothing, but it's just never stuck for me.
Until recently. In fact, not just art has stuck for me, but many hobbies have started to stick for me.
It's fascinating. Don't get me wrong, there were a few hobbies that really stuck for me and really worked for me for like you know a handful of years.
YouTube and Cheerleading being the main two, but more slow, simple, soothing hobbies.
I just couldn't justify spending time on these things.
It often felt like too unnecessary for me to continue spending more time on them.
Like I would get to a point with almost all of these hobbies like, I'm wasting my time.
Like I just need to give up.
I also really struggled with getting past the initial stage when I was really terrible at something like it was really hard for me to get past the beginner stage with a lot of the hobbies that I had experimented with and I also think too in retrospect I attempted a lot of hobbies for the wrong reasons because they were bringing joy to other people because I thought it would make me look cool if I participated I was running into a lot of the same issues over and over and over again it was rarely working out and now, for some reason, I don't know what has happened, but finally I feel like hobbies
are clicking. And a lot of the old hobbies that I tried long ago are now finally clicking for me.
And I'm like, wait, I'm actually finding joy from these things.
And here's how I think I got here.
Okay, number one, sobriety.
In October, I went sober.
I stopped drinking alcohol.
I have a suspicion that I have an alcohol intolerance and I haven't drank since I feel really good But it's also been incredibly boring being sober is boring Okay, I used to love going and getting a glass of wine on a Friday I used to love getting drunk on a summer day with my friends in my backyard. Just spending a whole day Just drunk.
I used to love that and That all went away and for a few months.
I was like, oh my god I'm so bored, you know?
I don't know what to do with all this time that I have now that I'm not drinking alcohol.
Drinking alcohol used to just make hours disappear and the stuff that used to be fun with alcohol is now no longer fun.
Going and sitting at a bar is not fun when you're sober.
Going to a day party, it's way less fun.
Anyway, when you're not drinking alcohol, you are forced to entertain yourself in more classic sort of ways.
Actually alcohol is arguably classic, it's been around for a long time, but in more wholesome sort of ways.
Eventually, I got so bored that I was like, wait, maybe I'll draw something.
Maybe I'll do an extra yoga class or maybe I'll start playing guitar.
Like, all the free time that I used to put towards drinking and like hanging out drunk, now I put towards hobbies because that's kinda my only option, which leads me to my next time suck that I used to indulge in far too frequently, emotional crutches and addictions.
I used to spend so much time shopping, obsessing over toxic boys.
What are my other emotional crutches?
I don't know, like gossiping, talking shit, like I don't know.
I used to really allow myself to indulge in emotional crutches and a few months ago, I really cracked down on myself And I was like, we're not doing that anymore.
We're done. No more toxic boys, no more excessive shopping, no more shopping addiction, no more nicotine, although like, listen, I still hit a vape every once in a while.
I still hit a vape every once in a while.
I'm working on that one.
So that one's hard. I was doing really well and then I'm not doing very well right now.
I've been hitting a vape every once in a while when I see it, when somebody has one around me.
Just being honest, not proud of it.
But I really have cracked down on emotional crutches.
I was wasting so much time and stunting my emotional development by allowing these things to distract me and numb my pain and give me a false sense of fulfillment.
And I cracked down on them.
And that's even more time I have available.
I have no boy to be stressed out over.
I have no shopping to do.
What the hell am I gonna do?
That has also made hobbies feel more appealing because I'm so bored.
Anything remotely stimulating sounds interesting to me now.
And it's fascinating, but it's also like, awesome.
I've always wanted to find hobbies that are exciting to me.
This is like a dream come true.
And I never would have expected it to come this way through severe boredom and the elimination of a lot of normal, I don't know, like, activities in life.
Like, a lot of people drink and a lot of people go shopping a lot and a lot of people doom scroll on their phone and a lot of people date toxic people because it's kind of addicting and a lot of people, you know what I mean?
Like a lot of people participate in these activities and they also have hobbies but for some reason it wasn't until I eliminated all of those things that I could fully find the attention and the time and the space to participate in these hobbies.
And I really do think that those are the main life changes that have led to me being able to participate in hobbies.
But I do think that there are a few other maybe less significant, but still notable shifts that have led to this.
Like I think I used to try to force myself to participate in hobbies.
Like the voice in my head would say, Emma, you need to do this hobby right now because doing hobbies is good for you, and you need to be good at something." Now I'm like, do whatever sounds fun, I don't care.
I've taken the pressure off of myself.
I now choose the hobbies that I participate in more intuitively.
So like, for example, let's use cooking as an example, if I really don't want to cook and I'd rather just, you know, throw something together with a few pre -made things, okay, I'll do that and it's no big deal.
If I really don't want to go to yoga class and I'd rather sit down and paint something, I'll do that.
Like it's fine, you know what I'm saying?
I used to be very harsh with myself.
And I even sort of spoke in that way earlier when I was talking about cooking, how like I've never fully been able to make cooking a hobby because I've never been able to do it routinely.
Well, I've sort of changed my perspective now where I'm like, I don't need to do something all the time for it to be my hobby.
Like, I can do it whenever I want.
Hobbies are not supposed to be chores.
They're supposed to be enjoyable.
And, weirdly, by not forcing myself to do certain hobbies, it makes me wanna do them more.
I also think, too, removing the expectation that I'll ever be good at these things and strictly doing them because they're enjoyable.
I don't ever need to be a chef.
I don't ever need to be a professional artist. I don't ever need to be a professional musician.
I don't ever need to be a professional yoga teacher.
I just need to enjoy doing the hobbies I enjoy doing.
And I think subconsciously without me even realizing it, when I was younger, I really wanted to be good at my hobbies and I really wanted to be consistent and get really good at these things.
And I've realized that pressure makes me want to participate in these things even less.
I also think, too, that it's really hard to participate in hobbies unless you feel productive in your work life.
And for so long, it felt like work was constantly piling up for me until recently when I got ahead and removed that pressure.
Now, it's like, wait, I don't feel like I need to constantly be working to stay on schedule to meet the deadlines I need to meet.
I'm so far ahead now.
So, I can actually justify taking time to cook a meal from scratch or draw something.
I can have a better work -life balance and I don't feel guilty about it.
Because I think for a long time I was like, any free time that I have should be dedicated towards getting more work done.
That is made worse when your career is your hobby.
Why would I go to a hobby that isn't ultimately benefiting my career?
I need to do the hobby that is benefiting my career.
That's the hobby I need to be focusing on.
Why would I waste my time doing any other hobby?" And last but not least, I think I'm just more mature and more patient.
It was harder for me to enjoy hobbies as a kid because I was impatient.
I wanted to be good at everything immediately.
I got frustrated easily.
And I think, with age and wisdom comes the ability to truly enjoy slow, arguably pointless activities.
I feel like I'm just drowning in so many hobbies that I love and enjoy.
Like, for example, this summer I started making these little weird cartoons with pen and watercolor because my dad and I were on vacation and he, being a painter, was painting every day on vacation with watercolors.
He was painting in the, he was having so much fun And I was like, all right, you know what?
I'll give it a try too.
And at first I was trying to paint like him.
I was trying to paint landscapes and stuff like that.
And then I was like, I fucking hate this.
So then I just decided to make funny little cartoons.
And then I was like, wait, why didn't I do this sooner?
This is fun. The reason why I never liked doing art before was because I was trying to copy the way that my dad does art.
He paints the world around him.
That doesn't work for me, I don't like that.
That's not fun for me.
That's boring. I like looking at photos of that like I love seeing my dad's paintings once they're finished.
That's gorgeous But like I don't like to create that These little cartoons I love making them.
Am I good at it? No, is it hard for me?
Yes, but This clicked for me.
I'm just absolutely obsessed with making these little cartoons number one You know, I feel like I have the time to make them.
But number two, it's intuitive.
I genuinely enjoy making these I've also been this is cringe But I'm trying to learn guitar.
And let me tell you, as an adult it is so much easier than it was for me as a kid.
As a kid my fingers were hurting, I like couldn't remember the chords, I like barely even remember the alphabet, how am I supposed to remember what an A minor chord is?
Like I don't know, it was just too much for me.
I'm really loving it as an adult.
It is really fun. Listen, it's fucking hard. I don't care what anyone says, guitar is hard, and it's just one of those things that you get older And you're like, oh my God, I shouldn't start this.
Like I, you know, like there's so many people who did this when they were younger.
Like it's way cooler.
Yeah, it just feels cringe.
But it's not cringe, it's actually quite fun.
And I really don't care about being good at it.
I mean, it would be nice to like be able to maybe play a song one day, but I don't even care.
It's just fun. And the fact that I'm enjoying it to me is like a miracle.
I also think when I was younger, I wanted to play instruments because I thought it would make me seem cooler or something.
whereas now I don't care about seeming cool.
I mean, that's obviously the cherry on top, but I'm not as concerned about that.
Like, I'm not making my decision to learn to play guitar because I'm like, I want to be cool.
I also recently got a button maker so I could make my own little buttons.
Okay, I'm so excited, this is gonna be a new hobby for me.
I just love this idea, button -making, okay?
Another hobby, yoga.
I've been doing yoga for a very long time, but I never even thought of it as a hobby until recently and I was like, wait a minute, this is totally a hobby.
I go to yoga multiple times a week.
I'm interested in getting better at it, I am getting better at it.
This is totally a valid hobby, and for a long time I was like, no, that's just me going to a workout class.
No, that's a hobby.
I also kind of realized, wait, fashion is kind of a hobby for me.
Putting together outfits, making mood boards, styling my friends, I don't know, fashion is a hobby for me And that was another one that like, I've grown to sort of acknowledge my existing hobbies as well and give them a bit more credit.
You know what came back around for me, sewing.
I actually can't believe it because I've gone through a few sewing phases.
Every single one has been sort of a failure, but I recently got a craving to start sewing again.
And it's been a joy, sewing was too hard for me as a kid because I just didn't have the prefrontal cortex for it yet.
Now, sewing is coming to me so much more easily.
I don't know. It's just more fun, but also it goes hand in hand with fashion being a hobby of mine.
Sewing makes sense for me now.
It did not make sense for me as a kid.
I've been loving it.
I think what's allowed me to enjoy sewing the most though is my newfound sort of patience because it is tedious and it is frustrating.
You'll work really hard on something just to realize that you made a mistake and you have to seam rip everything in sort of a...
It's very frustrating, it requires a lot of patience.
And the very easy, simple alternative would just be to go buy something, you know?
It's like so easy to not sew something from scratch. But I have this newfound patience that makes me enjoy it.
In fact, maybe I'll sew later.
That kind of sounds appealing.
Actually it does and I'm a little bit too tired for that.
have to have a good amount of energy to so something like I have to start sewing something in the afternoon and and be okay with spending the rest of the day doing it because it's very time -consuming and Taxing so yeah, I love sewing and last but not least cooking Listen, am I really cooking as a hobby?
Not fully because I I still don't think that I cook enough But when I do cook it's a hobby.
It's just not consistent.
Like I'm playing guitar every day I'm going to yoga multiple times a week.
I'm participating in fashion all the time.
The button making it's kind of weird and it's definitely less consistent but it's a niche specific cool hobby that I participate in sometimes.
You know these cartoons, I'm making them all the time every day.
Did I already say that?
I don't remember. But you get the idea.
Like these things are, they make sense to call a hobby for me.
Cooking, I don't know if I can call it quite a hobby yet.
But it is sometimes.
And hopefully more to come because hobbies are supposed to bring joy.
And I can truly say that all of these things, whether I'm good at them or not, are currently bringing me immense joy, even if I'm horrible at them, even if I'm great at them, it doesn't matter because I am kind of good at yoga, I will say.
But it doesn't matter because I'm able to find joy in them and it's so rewarding.
And I guess the moral of this episode is if you're having a hard time finding hobbies that stick.
It might be because you have some toxic shit going on that you need to remove from your life first. Or maybe you're just looking at hobbies in the wrong way.
Maybe you're expecting too much out of them, or you're choosing them for the wrong reasons.
But it's worth figuring out how to find hobbies that you like because they can bring a lot of joy.
And with that, I conclude this episode.
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
It's always a pleasure.
And if you enjoyed New episodes every Thursday and Sunday.
Come hang out! You can find Anything Goes anywhere you stream podcasts, but for video you gotta go to YouTube and Spotify.
Anything Goes is on social media at anythinggoes.
I'm on social media at Emma Chamberlain and my coffee company is at chamberlaincoffee .com, at Chamberlain Coffee and at our cafe in Los Angeles.
And in retail stores like Target and Whole Foods and Sprouts.
Anyway, okay, I'll talk to you later.
Alright, bye.
