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Today on Something You Should Know, why other people's skin usually feels softer than your own.
Then strange things about the human body, like why you intuitively know to show the left side of your face.
In fact, research shows that selfies on social media are much more likely to be left-sided than right-sided.
And also interestingly, pictures of left-sided faces get more likes on social media because the left side of the face is more emotional.
Also, the research that shows how a glass of water helps people lose weight.
And the very latest on our need for friends and the dangers of social isolation.
And that's probably because, in an ancient world, where being in groups made us survive, being alone meant you're closer to death.
And so when we are isolated, it basically triggers a stress response.
Our brains and bodies react as if there is an imminent threat.
All this today on Something You Should Know.
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Something you should know.
Fascinating intel.
The world's top experts.
And practical advice you can use in your life.
Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers.
I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but Something kind of strange happens when you touch someone else's skin.
And that's what we're going to start with today on Something You Should Know.
Hi and welcome.
I'm Mike Carruthers.
If you've ever noticed, when you touch someone else's skin, it often feels softer than your own.
And it's not your imagination, but it is an illusion.
In a fascinating study, researchers found that people consistently rated another person's skin as softer and smoother than their own, even when there was no physical difference at all.
The scientists believe this social softness illusion exists to encourage human bonding, that is, to make physical touch feel rewarding to both people involved.
What's even more interesting is how specific this illusion is.
It's strongest when the touch is intentional and gentle, the kind of slow stroking that typically feels pleasant to the person being touched.
In other words, our brains are wired so that it literally feels good to touch someone else, which helps us form and strengthen our social connections.
And that is something you should know.
The human body is full of surprises.
There are things going on inside you right now that would probably amaze you if you knew.
Strange quirks, clever design features and a few downright weird facts that most of us never learned.
My guest, Adam Taylor, has collected some of the most fascinating insights about how our bodies really work.
And he put them in a book called Bodypedia. a brief compendium of human anatomical curiosities.
He's a writer and journalist who is here to share some of the most surprising and delightful things you never knew about you.
Hey, Adam, welcome to Something You Should Know.
Hi, nice to speak to you.
So first explain why you decided to look at all these anatomical curiosities.
Like, why?
Inside us is an amazing machine, an amazing piece of art, and almost none of us have any idea really what it's made of, how it works, how it was named.
So I wanted to bring it and its stories to light.
And so let's start with Goosebumps, because I think everybody has experienced Goosebumps in some situation or another, and I've never understood why.
What's the purpose?
Well, goosebumps are made by tiny muscles in our skin called erector pili, and these erector pili muscles attach to hair follicles.
So when they contract they pull the hairs up and away from the skin.
So the skin bunches up, making the goose flesh.
Hence erector pili's name.
Pili is hairs in Latin, and erector means how it sounds, something that erects things.
But the strange thing about our goosebumps is that they don't really have a function at all other than to remind us that we're descended from animals.
Animals have hair that sticks up on end when they're scared or for protection, like a porcupine with its quills sticking up.
A porcupine's quills are actually hair.
Animals' hair also sticks up when it's cold to keep them warm, a bit like the way air inside a down puffer jacket.
But our goose bumps are also triggered by terror and cold.
But we don't have quills to protect us or a thick coat of fur to trap air for insulation.
So our goose bumps don't serve any purpose.
They're just a relic of our evolutionary past.
Well, it's interesting that you get them when you're cold.
And as you say, you get them maybe when you're terrified.
But you can also get them... in a good way, right?
You can hear somebody say something and get goosebumps by what they said.
Yes, they're sort of emotional.
We get them in response to the chills, very strong emotion.
And I guess that's similar to terror.
Again, it serves no purpose in us.
Why should goosebumps help us in any way when we feel moved by music or what someone says, or extremely emotional?
It's just, again, something inside us that we've inherited from our ancestors.
I love what you say about the left side of the face, because I have never even thought about this.
But the left side of the face is different than the right side of the face and we treat it differently and have throughout history.
Yes.
Our face's left side is more emotionally expressive than the right side.
In other words, the left side of your face is better at showing feelings.
And this hugely influences how you show yourself to the world.
For example, when you pose for a selfie, you will very lightly angle your head to show more of the left side of your face to the camera.
In fact, research shows that selfies on social media are much more likely to be left-sided than right-sided.
And also interestingly, pictures of left-sided faces get more likes on social media than right-sided snaps, because the left side of the face is more emotional.
And this is all to do with the way your face's muscles are wired.
Muscles that make expressions on the face are controlled by the opposite side of the brain.
So the left side of the face... is mostly controlled by your brain's right side.
And that right-sided brain happens to be the more emotionally competent side of the brain.
So hence, the left-sided muscles are more emotionally competent, more emotionally expressive.
And this left-sided bias for emotion is, as I said, shapes the way we look at the world and the way we see the world.
It's one reason why new mums cradle their baby with its head on their left side, so that the baby can look up and see the left side of her face.
Also new mums.
You know the baby can hear the maternal heartbeat, but it's certainly also to do with seeing the left side of the mum's face.
It's why also old school portraits are much more likely to feature the left side of the face.
Think of the Mona Lisa.
Again, left side of the face lots of portraits.
Interestingly, when portraits aren't designed to show emotion for example portraits of stuffy scientists there is no leftward bias.
So when you don't want to show emotion, you don't preferentially show the left side of your face.
I wonder if, if people, if you ask people what is their best side, does it tend to be the left side?
I don't know if there's been research on that.
One thing about this left-sided bias is that it's sort of unconscious.
We don't know that our left side of our face is more emotionally expressive, but we unconsciously know it.
So whether we would admit to it, I genuinely don't know.
But we are attuned to it and have been since birth because, as I said, of the way our brain controls our face, one thing humans do, one ability that we have like no other creature on earth, is the ability to throw right.
We throw, we can throw really fast, we can throw really far, and the fact that we can do that is why we have baseball football, basketball and a lot of other things.
Yeah yes, certainly we.
We are awesome throwers and throwing is a superpower that sets us apart from other animals.
You know, chimpanzees are our closest relatives, can chuck a ball at about 19 miles per hour, 30 kilometers an hour.
An eight-year-old baseball pitcher can reach more than double that, and throwing is one of the reasons why we are what we are today.
It was critical to our evolutionary success.
You know we, unlike you, know lions and and wolves and dogs we are.
We don't run fast, we don't have claws or fangs.
So we, so we, we would struggle, you know, you know a fist fight, as it were, with a lion.
But we can throw a rock or a spear.
And that gave us a huge advantage in evolutionary terms.
And that's because of our specialized throwing apparatus in our arm and our shoulders.
And that gave us yes, that you know this advantage.
And throwing is, as I said, The way we throw is a uniquely human thing and it's a very incredibly complicated thing.
And it's rather like cocking a crossbow, a hunter cocking a crossbow.
When we pull our arm back, we store a huge amount of energy in tendons and ligaments and muscles.
And then when we pull the trigger of our throw, we release that energy.
And that does some pretty incredible things in our arm, including producing the energy fastest movement our body produces, which is rotation of the humerus bone in our upper arm.
And yes, so that's our sort of amazing superpower throwing, one reason why we've evolved to be the so-called superior beings that we are today.
But when you hear people talk about you know why humans are at the top of the food chain and why we are superior beings.
You never hear that, you never hear people say and it's all because.
It's all because we can throw a ball, But it is partly because we can throw a ball or a spear or a rock.
No, we take it for granted.
And I think people who aren't baseball pitchers think that they're bad throwers.
They're not.
They're incredible throwers.
We're all of us are incredible throwers.
And we take skills like that for granted and don't really understand how and why it happens.
As I said, we just, you know, chuck something.
Chimpanzee, you know.
As I said, a chimpanzee can't do half of what an eight-year-old baseball pitcher can do, and that's an eight-year-old.
So even poor human throwers are vastly superior to the best animal.
So we all learned in biology class how we make a baby, but you talk about how sperm has a long way to go to get where it needs to.
When I say a long way to go, seven meters.
Seven meters from the testicle where it's made, the woman's fallopian tube, where it fertilizes an egg.
Seven meters is four times the height of the average American man an astonishing distance for the tiny sperm cell.
And yet when you do the math, things don't seem to add up.
I'll just explain the journey that sperm take.
They go from the testicle to something called the epididymis, which is a four centimeter long organ that sits on the back of the testicle.
Then into something called the vas deferens, which is the tube that's snipped in vasectomies about 45 centimeters long.
Then into the urethra, which is about 20 centimeters long.
From the man's urethra they then go into the woman and travel about 15 centimeters inside the woman.
Now what I've just explained adds up to about a meter.
Yet I said the journey was seven meters.
So there's an unaccounted for six meters, And the answer to where that six meters is is on the testes, or rather the ancient Greek for this, which is epididymis.
And this incredible organ, the epididymis, may be four centimeters long, but inside it is a miracle of anatomical engineering a tube.
So coiled so astonishingly tightly that it stretches six meters.
So inside a four centimeter long epididymis, there is a six meter long tube.
And the sperm travel for about two weeks inside this six meter long tube and mature inside it.
They learn to swim.
They learn how to fertilize an egg.
And so, when they come out, spend out of the two weeks inside the six meter long tube.
They are, as it were, mature and able to do the job that they were made to do.
And again, I think it's pretty incredible.
And horses have an 80-meter-long tube inside their epidermis.
I think it's pretty incredible.
This organ exists, and yet, again, none of us really probably would have heard of it.
But it's fairly essential for the survival of our species.
Strange quirks of the human body.
That's what we're talking about today with Adam Taylor.
He's author of the book Bodypedia, a brief compendium of human anatomical curiosities.
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So Adam, what about hiccups?
I imagine everybody's gone through some bouts of hiccups and you hear different things about what causes them and how to stop them.
But what is a hiccup?
Well, they are sort of involuntary.
We can't control them.
But they're sudden contractions of our diaphragm, the diaphragm being the dome of muscle that separates our chest from our abdomen.
And when your diaphragm contracts, air is forced into your lungs, so you inhale.
But in a hiccup, the inhalation is suddenly stopped by the rapid closure of something called the glottis, which is the middle part of your voice box or larynx.
And the glottis, contract um closing um makes a hic sound um what's interesting about well one interesting thing about hiccups is that um the nerves that make that diaphragm contract are called the phrenic nerves and what one cause of hiccups is irritation with phrenic nerves phrenic is spelled p-h-r-e-n-i-c and it's a mindful word it's from the ancient greek word for mind friend p-h-r-e-n you'll know friend because it appears in many other mindful words like frantic or frenetic or frenzied or schizophrenia or phrenology, phrenology being the loony sort of pseudoscientific theory that you can tell people's persona from the bumps on the top of their head.
So why is the nerve that contracts the diaphragm named after the mind?
Well, it's because this friend, was the ancient Greek source of feelings and emotions.
It wasn't in the head.
Greek philosophers believed that feelings emanated from the midriff, including the diaphragm, hence phrenic, nerve and phrenology, and schizophrenia and frantic, etc etc etc.
The record for the longest bout of hiccups is 68 years.
Someone called Charles Osborne from Nebraska started hiccuping in 1922 and stayed hiccuping for 68 years and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.
But weirdly, after 68 years, they just abruptly ceased.
Wow.
Well, I would imagine, when he was alive, if you were to ask him towards the end of his life, looking back, what was the best day of your life?
It had to be that day when it all stopped.
So what's my philtrum?
Your philtrum is above your lips, that sort of shallow depression with two ridges on either side that runs below your nose to your lip.
Philtrum, again, is a lovely word because it means love potion in Greek.
The ancient Greeks considered the philtrum to be a particularly erogenous zone, hence philtrum, love potion.
In fact, in English, love potions are filters, and you'll find filters in Greek fairy tales and Harry Potter movies and Shakespeare plays.
You know, you drink it and you fall in love with the person you next see strangely though, for such a prominent body part.
You know, we're fairly ignorant about what the philtrum is, for you know, it's a very very, very expressive part of our face, but we don't really know what it does, and people think maybe it helps us express ourselves by providing a store of skin that can be called upon.
Our mouth needs to move in a way that stretches our upper lip like smiling or crying, but we're not really sure what.
What is for sure though, is that philtrum is very important in determining attractiveness.
Um, you know, researchers have taken digital photographs of people and reduced the contours of people's philtrums, and when they do that uh, the people in the pictures are rated as being older and less attractive than the original.
So it's a Hugely important part of our face that tells us a lot about how attractive we may be or how young we may be, And it's all about love, because it's named after love potion.
But yeah, we don't really know why it's there or what it does for us.
Well, one thing people have a sense of, anyway is the is the power of the thumb.
That the thumb is a pretty amazing thing, So talk about that.
Yes Well, again, the thumb is one of our sort of superpowers, I suppose.
We've got five digits on our hand, but our thumb provides up to 50% of hand function.
And that's because we have really long thumbs and the way the joints are arranged, but especially to do with the muscles that move them.
And those muscles make up something called the thenar eminence, which is the bulge at your thumb's base area.
And inside that bulge, there are three muscles that give the thumb its astonishing dexterity.
So this thena eminence, that bulge in our thumb, is the thing that make us what we are today.
And again, very important in evolutionary terms.
Our thumbs originally, our hands were essentially weight-bearing objects.
We strode around on all fours.
When we progressed to walking on two feet.
It freed up our hands and our thumbs to develop into precision instruments.
And so it allowed our thumbs and our feet and reminiscences to become tools for building, tools for making weapons, tools to help us write.
And if you think about that, if we couldn't write, if we couldn't make things weapons, if we couldn't craft tools to build things with our hands, and especially because of our thumbs and our thenar eminence and the muscles in our thumb again, we wouldn't have had an awful lot as humans.
All of that we have thanks to our hands and our thumbs.
And again, something we don't really appreciate, but it sets us apart from every other animal on the planet, makes us very special.
And yet, you know, it's our thumb.
We take it for granted.
So I have people in my life and come across other people who have this thing called misophonia.
That is, they there are certain sounds that human sounds they don't like, like the sound of chewing.
What is that?
Misophonia is a thing and it's increasingly recognized as a thing.
You know, something people in inverted commas suffer from
And it's not just mild irritations.
It literally means hatred of sound, miso as in misogynist and phonious sound.
And in response to triggers, sound triggers, people can go a bit ballistic.
Their heart rate increases, they sweat, they get very stressed, they feel anxious angry disgusted, even feeling overwhelmed, and need to stop the noise or escape it.
And what makes misophonia especially discomforting is that the awful noises may be hardly noticed by anyone else and often come from other people's bodies.
Yes, as you say, chewing, breathing, throat clearing, slurping, sniffing, humming.
I find humming drives me absolutely up the wall.
And As you can imagine, misophonia isn't a great recipe for relationship success.
You know, if your partner's chewing makes you go crazy, that doesn't bode well.
Well, we started this promising a conversation about some of the curious quirks and design features of the human body, and I think you've delivered on that pretty well.
I've been speaking with Adam Tayor.
He's author of the book Bodypedia.
A Brief Compendium of Human Anatomical Curiosities.
And there is a link to his book in the show notes.
Adam, thanks for coming by.
Thanks.
It's been wonderful to talk to you.
I've enjoyed it.
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By now, I'm sure you've heard that people are lonelier than ever.
We have fewer close friends, fewer real conversations, and fewer face-to-face connections.
Some blame social media or technology or the fact that we can live our lives without ever really having to interact with anyone.
Whatever the reason, this growing isolation is more than just sad.
It's a real threat to our health and well-being.
Because connection isn't optional.
It's a basic human need.
My guest, Dr Ben Rine, is an award-winning neuroscientist and author of the book Why Brains Need Friends The Neuroscience of Social Connection.
And he's here to explain why connection matters so deeply and what we can do to rebuild it.
Hi, Ben.
Welcome to Something You Should Know.
Thanks so much for having me, Mike.
So what do you think is going on?
People have heard about this problem.
The solution is pretty obvious.
If people aren't connected, they need to get connected, right? but often they don't.
So what is the problem?
Luckily.
I think it's a good thing that people have heard more and more what you just said, that it's a problem right.
I think the big problem that's missing is why is it a problem?
What's really going on?
And some statistics have crapped out into the public, like being isolated is as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, things like that.
We've heard about the loneliness epidemic, but what's really, really going on?
If you think back...
A very, very long time, millennia and millennia ago, human beings existed in an ancient world where there were a lot of threats.
You know, we had to deal with food scarcity.
We had to hunt, we had to deal with predation.
We were being hunted ourselves, inclement weather, all sorts of problems.
And the way that we got through it was by sticking together.
We work very well in groups and that does not necessarily make us unique.
There are many, many other species on earth that are very much the same, but because we work together in groups, our brains were evolutionarily favored to make us want to be together, because that desire to be in groups is what kept us alive.
And so now, if you fast forward, our brains still have the same systems they did back then.
You know, we're kind of still working on this ancient hardware.
The software has changed the way we think has changed.
The life we live has changed, but the brain itself, the wiring and all that is still there from the old days.
And what's in there is a a social reward system where, when we're around people, when we have pleasant interactions, our brain cells, certain brain areas, release basically pleasant reinforcing, reassuring neurotransmitters that tell us this is good for my survival.
You should keep on doing this.
Let's do this some more.
What's interesting to me is that, so yes, being together, being with people feels good.
But when you remove those people from your life, it's not a neutral feeling.
You actually feel bad.
Loneliness... feels, really feels bad.
And that's probably because, in an ancient world, where being in groups made us survive, being alone meant you're closer to death.
And so when we are isolated, it basically triggers a stress response.
Our brains and bodies react as if there is an imminent threat.
Our cortisol levels go up, you know, the stress hormone.
It triggers the activation of the brain's stress response system and the bodies, which is the HPA axis, the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis.
Without the mumbo jumbo science language.
What this means is that basically, our brains set off an alarm system when we're isolated and start to make us feel stressed.
And when we remain isolated for an extended period of time, that stress response can have negative effects on our health and well-being.
And that's not just restricted to our brains.
Of course, there is evidence, for instance, that being isolated associated with an increased risk of dementia of anxiety and depression you know things that we think of the brain but also other body systems you know heart disease diabetes all these these things all increase with isolation and there's a lot of science to unpack here as you can probably tell but the reason I share these two things is because if you look at let's say the amount of time people spend interacting on a monthly basis and Between 2013 and 2021, that amount of time dropped by 36 hours per month.
Yeah, and as we said, you know, it seems like the word is out on this.
People know that we're more isolated, that everyone knows they are probably more isolated.
So you would think everyone would be out running around making more friends, but that doesn't seem to happen.
So why?
You know, there are many reasons for that, I think.
One of them is unfortunately, that we actually tend to make a lot of very bad estimations and predictions about social interactions, often to the negative side.
So, for instance, we think that if we're going to go hang out with somebody, it's not going to be as good for us as it really is.
We think that we shouldn't stay in the conversation too long because it's going to get worse.
We think that compliments and things expressing gratitude are not as positive as they are.
Whatever reason we have all these these bad estimations about interacting and i i think that's probably one of the factors that gets in our way is that we think basically, this isn't going to go very well, i'm better off just staying at home.
But another thing that's very interesting from a neuroscience perspective is that when people are isolated, it actually changes the way that they process social information in certain ways, and again in negative ways.
So, for instance, an isolated person, when they have an interaction, they will experience less of that social reward.
They won't feel quite as good afterwards or during.
They will also have trouble with trust.
They tend to distrust others.
And unfortunately, as a consequence of that, others distrust them more.
And also the isolated brain tends to pay closer attention to negative social signals, where we kind of you know, there's literally studies showing that the brain will show larger responses to viewing negative social images, things like a man slapping a woman, things like that where the brain just responds much more robustly.
So the idea that we need to be socially connected means what?
Because I think people think that what that means is you need like really close personal best friends.
And maybe that's true, and that's probably a good thing.
But the bar is lower than that, is it not?
It isn't just really close, intimate friendships.
It's all social interactions.
That's right.
And I think the overlooked part of our social diet is actually strangers.
There's a lot of great evidence suggesting that interacting with strangers it makes us feel better and it can hit on those same brain systems that interacting with the best friend does.
Of course, sure, it's probably not the same, not exactly the same.
It's not equivalent in the reward that it gives you, but it does make a difference.
And so I really encourage people to think about all the time that you spend in the company of strangers waiting at the doctor's office, waiting in line at the grocery store which, by the way, is why it's important to go out and do these things in real life.
And during those times, if you have a short conversation with a stranger which, by the way, you probably won't want to you'll probably feel that it's not gonna go well.
But if you do, I can almost guarantee that you will feel better after, because there's a bunch of data suggesting that.
And you wonder why People don't, you know, take that to heart.
Or or maybe it's just a problem of I don't know how to do it or I don't know.
Like, it's so much easier to shop online.
And what's the point of, you know, chit chatting with the cashier because it goes nowhere.
And so it's just easier to go home and binge on Netflix and do that.
Yeah, I mean, it's easy to get sucked into that that trap, and especially even more easy when you're already isolated because of the way the brain sort of shifts its thinking.
Well that's.
Hey, that's a really good point you just made.
So when people get in that kind of a well, let's call it a slump where they're, they're somewhat isolated, they're not being really outgoing and connecting with other people.
The reaction isn't so i'll go do that, i'll go, that'll motivate me to go do it.
They kind of slump deeper.
You kind of get sucked into the hole rather than get motivated to get out of the hole.
Right.
That's exactly right.
And actually, if you think about, remember when COVID started to subside and we started going back to work and all that.
I don't know about you, but for me, when I went from sitting at home all the time to interacting with my coworkers and my friends, it didn't really feel right.
I felt like there was something wrong. off like i felt kind of awkward or it just didn't really feel the same i don't know if you experienced that mike but i feel that i've heard other people say that too and i think that's a pretty good example of we've all lived through this we've all experienced that you know that rust i suppose but look at us now we've shaken off that rust right you get back out there you experience socializing and you get through it but i think when people really get into that rut it doesn't feel like socializing is the way out because socializing doesn't feel as good as it usually does that's a great point well what about connecting with non-humans animals pets yeah well quite shocking our brains treat animals or treat dogs specifically probably other animals too but more so dogs with this this kind of love i mean that we we our brains react to dogs in much the same way that our brains react to other people and even our children.
The takeaway from the dog part of this is having a dog is is genuinely good for you.
There's actually studies showing that basically people with dogs are healthier.
They're lower risk of heart disease, things like that.
And I actually think that that can be applied to help our loneliness issue, particularly in older age, because as people get older, they tend to spend much more time alone.
So I think maybe having a dog is It's a very valuable piece there.
But then when it comes to looking at the animal interactions between them, I think it's actually it's quite astounding to realize that the kindness and love and generosity that that humans often show each other and celebrate each other for demonstrating is not only a human capacity, but is actually something that's pretty widespread throughout the animal kingdom, which I can't help but notice that, you in the form of intelligent life is inherently nice.
We are in these animals and us, we are nice to each other.
We care about each other.
And, you know, I think that's a valuable reminder that our base is to be kind and to love.
And then, a lot of the time, what happens is in society, we overlay all these, you know, factors of division that cause us to kind of forget those basic impulses.
Well, one of the things that you hear is that well, it's good to have a pet, particularly a dog because, as you say, people as they get older perhaps aren't socializing much, but the dog makes you socialize because you have to walk the dog.
And is that it?
Or is it the connection with the dog?
Oh, it's literally the connection with the dog, actually.
So when a dog and their caregiver look into each other's eyes...
Both the dog and the caregiver show a rise in oxytocin, which is the love hormone.
Oxytocin is what drives us to bind to others.
It is what makes us feel good around each other.
So when you're a romantic partner, you just want to be around them all the time, especially in those early stages.
That's because there's a ton of oxytocin flowing.
It's that social glue.
So when you look into the eyes of your dog, you experience that same thing.
And so does the dog, by the way, as I mentioned, which is great, suggests that dogs actually love us.
But there's really a true healing social property inherent to those interactions with our dogs.
And actually, you know, there's other studies too, showing that hanging out with the dog you know, not even your dog, just a dog lowers heart rate, you know, lowers blood pressure, drives up things like endorphins, dopamine.
Our biology is just wired in a way that we benefit from being around dogs.
And I can't help but look through an evolutionary lens at a lot of this stuff.
And in this case, it makes a lot of sense because just like humans exist really well in groups.
And so we are wired to want to be around each other.
Humans and dogs have lived, have existed together for 30 to 40,000 years.
And so, in this much the same way, we have evolved to really love being around each other from both sides the dogs too because it's good for our survival.
It may seem self-evident, but what's the difference between interacting with someone online versus in person?
I mean, obviously the differences are are pretty obvious, but but they they can be somewhat satisfying, but apparently not as satisfying as real life.
Yeah, so if you think about, there's sort of like steps to this where the top step might be an in-person interaction.
You go a step down, it's a video call.
You go step down, it's a phone call.
Go step down, it's a text message.
And as we move down this sort of staircase, we're losing social cues.
So, from video, from in person, to video call, you lose eye contact.
You're it's not possible to make eye contact online or unless you're looking at the camera, but then you're not making eye contact.
Then you go to a phone call, you lose the facial expressions, body language, you go down to a text message, you're losing vocal tone.
And so the reason i outline this is because when we interact with another human, the way that our brains know we are interacting with someone is through those important social cues facial expressions, vocal tone, body language.
Those signals are what turn on the brain's social areas, like the areas that drive empathy, for instance, and help us understand what the other person is thinking.
So when you gradually strip away those important cues and you kind of flatten the texture of our interactions down to a text message where it's just words or you know, on Twitter or X, which just words we're losing a lot of the important information that tells our brains this is a social interaction.
And also that tells our brains, this person on the other side of this interaction has feelings.
And here's what those feelings are.
And so I I believe it makes a lot of sense that as we strip away that texture we wouldn't get as much out of the interaction, we probably wouldn't stimulate those social reward systems quite as much.
And that is what the data suggests so far that actually The less lifelike the interaction is so text messages less lifelike than a video call, for instance the less lifelike it is, the less enjoyment people get out of it.
They don't feel quite as good coming out of it.
However, a text message, for instance, is still better than no interaction at all.
So there's really this kind of gradient of quality that corresponds with how much we get out of the interaction on a kind of neurobiological basis as well.
And I also I really argue this point that because our empathy systems are not engaging, we do not experience as much empathy online and social media.
Because we can't witness those social cues.
And I think that may be why the internet is so hostile.
What people are so prone to, you know, leaving mean comments, posting harassing posts, all sorts of things.
There's really high rise in this recently.
And I think it's because our empathy systems are really not turning on in this social format that we've designed online.
Yeah.
Well, you know, it reminds me of you know, when you get mad at another driver because you can't see the driver.
You see the car, but you can't read their cues.
They might be a lovely person, but you just assume they're a jerk because they cut you off.
And you you operate on that assumption because you can't interact with the person.
There's no you're, it's just car to car.
That's, that's exactly right.
I really like that analogy and yeah, i mean, road rage is very similar to, you know, throwing a mean comment on someone's post and then.
But the funny thing is, if you were to be upset at a driver and you pull up next to them and they roll down their window and they're apologizing, you know, you're probably going to feel a lot better.
It's like okay, you know what this person means.
Well um, you know, if you're really angry, it might be too late at that point, but once you get those social cues to inform your brain oh, There's a living breathing, feeling person on the other end of this interaction.
That's exactly what helps us sort of relent in our aggression.
It's what calms us down and makes us understand, oh, I don't want to hurt this person's feelings.
They're feeling something too.
On social media, we really don't get that.
I think most people would agree that making friends, making connection, real connection is difficult.
It's one thing to just talk to somebody, but most of the time nothing happens beyond that initial conversation.
And so there's no real connection.
But what does the data say?
The data suggests that actually the person you're interacting with doesn't really matter that much in terms of like what their identity is and like who they are.
If it's a stranger interaction, you know, you go up to someone, you just start talking to them.
You're probably going to feel good regardless of who they are.
But the brain does have a very strong bias in favor of people who are a lot like us.
This is homophily is the term for this liking things that are like you.
And so what often happens, I think, nowadays is we have created a lot of identity factors that allow us to put a clean divide between ourselves and someone else.
For instance, what religion do you follow?
Well, if it's different from the one I follow, then you are different from me.
What political stance do you take?
There's so many ways that we found to divide ourselves from others and I think we've become especially good at unfortunately is, if we detect one of those, then we kind of push the person away and say well, you're not like me, i'm not going to be your friend.
Um, that is a very like tribalistic, ancient instinct of the brain, and so what i advise people to do is try to look for other commonalities that aren't the sort of top of mind things like those i just mentioned.
But, for instance, you know, go to a gathering of people who share something that you like to do.
For instance, you like to mountain bike.
OK, we'll find a group that's meeting up to mountain bike together.
You walk in the door or into the park and you immediately find a group of people who you have something in common with.
And that commonality is really the the primary thing in the spotlight.
It's not the other differences.
What about long term partners, marriages?
What about those relationships that protect you from the loneliness and isolation that we've been talking about?
You know, having a spouse and living together.
Inherently, you are experiencing more social contact, which is a good thing.
But I think what's what's really interesting is some of the most compelling data on that specifically on the benefit of of a long-term partnership is actually in the face of adversity.
Um, there's some studies looking at cancer patients and they found that in in several forms of cancer, when they looked at just pure survival rates, being married was a stronger predictor of survival than doing chemotherapy.
And of course, I should quickly asterisk that and note that part of that was because being married when, when you are married, your partner is encouraging you to get the top of the line therapies, which includes chemotherapy.
It's not that chemotherapy is not helpful, but also just the social support of coming home every day to a person who cares so deeply about you and is there for you in the face of stress.
I mean, that I think is, is kind of irreplaceable.
And um, it's pretty amazing that if you try to think about, you know what would be if you looked at a list of like a hundred thousand people diagnosed with cancer and you try to figure out is it their exercise?
Is it their diet?
You know, what's going to be the strongest predictor?
It's actually their, their marriage status.
And that's quite remarkable.
Well, that's some powerful insight and advice that I think can help people motivate themselves to go out and and try to seek out more connection, because the The payoff, the benefits are tremendous.
I've been speaking with Ben Rine.
He's an award-winning neuroscientist and author of the book Why Brains Need Friends The Neuroscience of Social Connection.
And there's a link to his book in the show notes.
Ben, thank you for being here.
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Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know.
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