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Your thoughts are not always true.
Challenge them. Your thoughts are not always reality.
Don't accept them at face value.
When doubts appear, don't assume.
investigate. When fear whispers, don't bow down.
Look closer. When negativity rises don't believe.
Demand proof. Negativity thrives on blind acceptance.
Negativity grows when you don't fight back.
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.
I'm so glad you joined me, and if you've not yet subscribed, click that button so that you never miss an episode.
It's astounding to me, the community that we're building together and when you subscribe here, you're not only supporting this show, you're actually starting to support yourself.
You're saying this is a priority, this is important to me.
I want to invest in my growth.
Today's episode is all about what to do with those negative thoughts.
If you are someone that experiences intrusive, negative, difficult thoughts, this episode is for you.
If you're someone who walks out at a meeting and can't stop thinking about something negative that happened, or you were out with friends last week and you can't stop thinking about a moment or an experience that felt awkward or uncomfortable, this episode is for you.
And if you're someone that finds yourself just caught in a negative spiral, this episode is for you.
I'm gonna give you a seven -step method to actually master your thoughts and negativity.
I want you to become unbeatable, undefeatable when it comes to negative thoughts.
Because here's the reality.
Negative thoughts will always arise, they'll always appear, no one in this world can never have a negative thought.
But you can make sure that a negative thought never controls you.
You can win the battle and win the fight and that's what we're doing today.
Step one is you have to learn to recognize and acknowledge your thoughts.
All of us have so many thoughts every single day, but we're not always sure about the systems, we're not always sure about the patterns.
And I want to share a spiritual truth with you that is so important, you are not your thoughts, they're just visitors passing through your mind.
You are not your thoughts, they're just noise, not the truth.
You are not your thoughts.
They're temporary, not permanent.
Notice them, but don't let them define you.
Name them, but don't give them your power.
Watch them, but don't give them your identity.
The moment you recognize them, they lose their grip.
The moment you name them, they start to dissolve.
The moment you see them clearly, you set yourself free.
Negative thoughts are not facts.
Awareness is your power.
Negative thoughts are not your reality.
Awareness is your protection.
Negative thoughts are not who you are.
Awareness is your path to emotional freedom.
It starts with being aware of our thoughts.
Aware of which ones appear often, which ones don't appear enough.
Aware of what we say when we first look in the mirror.
Aware of what we say when things are not going well.
How many of you are the quickest to judge yourself, and critique yourself, but the first to congratulate someone else?
Are you that person who when you make a mistake, you'll be really harsh and beat yourself up.
But when someone else does, you're there to be empathetic and kind and compassionate.
We're so quick to judge ourselves and so quick to celebrate others.
It's so important we become aware of these patterns that we all experience so that we can begin this breakthrough.
So I wanted to keep repeating that and I want you to say it out loud, I am not my thoughts.
You are not your thoughts, they're just temporary clouds floating across the sky of your mind.
And neuroscience proves it.
Simply labelling emotions, naming them, activates the prefrontal cortex and calms the amygdala, reducing emotional overwhelm.
Think of negative thoughts like pop -up ads— annoying, distracting, but not permanent or meaningful.
You can just hover over them and press the cross and they're gone.
The problem isn't that they appear, it's that we believe them.
Now imagine you're on your desktop, or your laptop, and all these screens of pop -ups just start turning up.
You only get lost in them when you start filling out the form, when you get tricked into clicking on one.
We don't want to double click on a negative thought.
We want to allow it to pass through like a pop -up or a cloud.
There's a beautiful zen story which talks about two monks watching the sky.
Dark clouds rolled in, and one monk cried, It's a bad omen.
The other simply said, Clouds come and go.
The clouds didn't change.
Only their reaction did.
Your thoughts are clouds.
Notice them, name them, but don't become them.
Here's an experiment I want you to try, a habit, a practical tip that I want you to give a go.
Today when you notice a negative thought, pause and internally say, I'm having a negative thought about.
Just naming it can weaken its hold.
Stop saying, you're a negative person.
stop saying that you have negative energy.
Switch that to, I am having a negative thought about.
Naming it can weaken its hold.
Naming it can loosen its grip.
And naming it gives you back the power because you're now aware.
Here's a habit. I want you to set three thought alert reminders.
morning, midday, evening, and when it goes off, pause for 30 seconds to scan your mind and jot down any negative thought patterns that you see.
When you start to understand the patterns, you have the power.
Remember that, when you understand the patterns, you have the power.
Because now when that pattern emerges, you can do step two.
Step two is challenge your negative thoughts.
Now that you know that there's a pattern, let's say you always feel negative when you first wake up in the morning.
Let's say you always feel negative just before going to bed.
Maybe you feel negative just before you walk through the door of the office.
Right we have certain times in our day when negativity is really loud.
Now that we're aware of them, we have to learn to challenge them.
Not in the moment. Because that time we need to focus on work, focus on sleep, focus on waking up.
We need to challenge them when we become aware of the pattern in our spare time.
Right now that's what you're doing.
I want you to remember this.
Your thoughts are not always accurate.
Question them. Your thoughts are not always true.
Challenge them. Your thoughts are not always reality.
Don't accept them at face value.
When doubts appear, don't assume, investigate.
When fear whispers, don't bow down, look closer.
When negativity rises, don't believe, demand proof.
Negativity thrives on blind acceptance.
Negativity grows when you don't fight back.
Negativity wins when you don't question it.
Dig deeper. Beneath fear, you'll find clarity.
Beneath doubt, you'll find truth.
Beneath noise, you'll find your power.
One thought challenged is one chain broken.
One thought challenged is one burden lifted.
one thought challenged is one step toward freedom.
Not every thought you have is true.
In fact, negativity loves to wear the mask of reality.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, has long shown that challenging irrational thoughts reduces anxiety, and builds emotional strengths.
Ask yourself, is this thought a fact, or just a fear?
It's really important to know is this thought a fact or is it just a fear?
So the next time you catch yourself spiraling, ask yourself what evidence do I have that this thought is true?
What evidence do I have that in fact this thought is not true?
You're almost becoming a lawyer in your own life, learning how to negotiate, learning how to persuade, learning how to build and stand up for an argument because guess what?
The lawyer in your mind, that critique is winning every case.
But that's because we don't know how to challenge our thought.
If you think that lawyer in your head is on your side, you lose every case, you lose every battle.
But when you realize that you're not your thoughts, you're allowed to have a defense, you're allowed to have a case.
That's when you recognize that you don't need to accept a thought that has no evidence.
And what you want to do is present the counter evidence to your mind systematically.
Here's a daily habit to make it easy.
Create a daily thought challenge.
Each evening, write one negative thought from your day.
Challenge it with evidence and rewrite it into a more balanced and empowering statement.
When you go to bed that way, you'll wake up with more energy and naturally feel disconnected from the weight of that thought.
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Step number three is re -frame your thoughts.
My favorite quote is from Wayne Dyer.
He said, When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
Your thoughts are a story, but here's the best part.
You can write the next line right now.
Actually, you get to choose the title of the next chapter right now.
You get to write the next few pages right now.
When you change the story, you change the feeling.
When you change the perspective, you change the power.
When you change the lens, you change your life.
Negative stories exhaust you.
Positive reframing energizes you.
Negative thinking shrinks you.
Positive reframing frees you.
Small changes in your viewpoint can lead to big changes in your vision.
Let me give an example.
You're running late to work because someone cut you off in traffic.
You get to work and now you're telling everyone that story of that person who cut you off in traffic.
What you forgot to mention was the person who smiled at you.
What you forgot to mention was the fact that you still got to work on time.
What you forgot to mention is that you survived.
Nothing bad happened.
The other side of the story was draining.
Makes you feel rushed, makes you feel overwhelmed, makes you feel stressed.
Just reframing, it's not that it didn't happen, it's that you're still here.
Positivity doesn't mean I ignore things that happened.
it means I see everything about what happened.
The fact that I'm alive, the fact that I'm here, the fact that I'm on time, the fact that I'm smiling at someone, somebody's smiling at me, that simple connection.
How you frame an experience changes everything about how you feel it.
Let me say that again, how you frame an experience changes everything about how you feel it.
If you frame an experience as negative, you feel bad.
If you frame an experience as useful, insightful, powerful, fulfilling, it transforms you.
Research shows that reframing negative experiences improve resilience and overall wellbeing.
It's not denial, it's conscious perspective shifting.
Two people can face the same storm.
One sees destruction, the other sees renewal.
I really love this idea that two people can experience the same thing, but react to it differently.
It is up to you to choose to reframe a narrative, reframe an experience.
And it's all about practice.
The first time you try and do this, it's going to be really hard. By day 5, it's going to be easier.
By month five, you're gonna be flying and flowing.
You will be unbeatable.
A negative experience or a negative thought won't be able to control you because you've practiced reframing an experience.
That person who you feel doesn't care about you, they just lost a great friend.
That person you feel doesn't value you, they just disconnected from a gift in their life.
We have to reframe and understand differently the experiences we go through.
Here's an experiment.
Today, when a small inconvenience happens, pause and reframe.
How could this actually be working for me?
And here's a daily habit.
Start a reframing jar.
Each night, write down one negative event and intentionally reframe it in a neutral or positive light before placing it in the jar.
What's your mindset shift over weeks?
You literally feel yourself rewiring your brain to notice different things.
Our day feels bad because we notice the bad more than the good.
Our day feels hard because we notice the difficult more than our determination.
Our day feels long because we notice the hardship more than we do the beautiful relationships.
Shift your perspective.
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One thing I've been reflecting on lately is how even the smallest choices can create a big impact over time.
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Those moments of intention really matter.
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Step four is practicing mindfulness and meditation.
Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply right now.
Mindfulness means simply noticing your present experience.
Let thoughts pass without holding on to them.
Pay attention to your breath, it's your anchor.
Meditation doesn't require perfection, just consistency.
Practice letting go of anything you're holding on to, quieting your mind even briefly can reset your entire day.
It's the oldest wisdom in the book.
But taking a few breaths can reset you.
When you're nervous, when you're anxious, when you're stressed, when you have negative thoughts, your breath is faster, shallower.
As soon as you breathe, you make it deeper, slower, and you regain your power.
When you're moving fast, think about it, if you're driving a car really fast and something comes out in front of you, it's really hard to maneuver around it, right?
So when a negative thought comes at you, If you're already moving really fast, chances are you're going to collide.
And that's what we experience every day, collisions with our negative thoughts.
But imagine if you were driving a little bit slower.
You could slow down just ahead of that disruption and swerve comfortably, coolly, calmly.
That's what regular mindfulness practice allows you to do.
Mindfulness is about being where you are, not racing ahead, not clinging to the past. Research from Cabot -Zinn shows that even short consistent mindfulness practices can reduce anxiety and depression significantly.
Mindfulness is like clearing a cluttered desk.
You create space for clarity.
So here's the experiment I want you to do.
Set a five minute timer today.
Focus only on your breathing.
When thoughts wander, gently return attention to your breath without judgement.
And for every one hour, stop and breathe deeply for one minute.
And watch how you start getting the pace to actually manoeuvre and shift. Number five is something we don't do enough of, engaging in joyful activities.
You can't always avoid difficult emotions, but you can decide how long they stay.
You can't choose every result, but you can choose what you learned from it.
You can't always avoid setbacks, but you can decide how they shape you.
You can't choose others' perceptions, but you can choose your own self -worth.
You can't erase past experiences, but you can choose how they influence your future.
You can't control the world's chaos, but you can choose to create your own peace.
Studies show that regular engagement in enjoyable activities lowers depression significantly.
Doing what you love isn't indulgence.
It's essential maintenance for your mental health.
So here's what I want you to do today.
Spend at least 15 minutes doing something you genuinely love.
Having your coffee, reading, gardening, dancing, painting, whatever it is, and notice your mood before and after.
Schedule a daily joy episode, block out 20 minutes each morning or evening just for an activity that nourishes you.
Right, think of it like a joy meeting or a joy episode.
Being able to do that allows you to tap into joy and reduce stress.
This is such an important part, because ultimately negativity and positivity are both contagious.
Have you ever met someone and you just feel positive?
Have you ever done an activity and you just feel positive?
Well, you can be that person.
That person wasn't born that way, they're practicing.
They're developing that skill and you can as well.
Step number six is looking after your temple, your body.
Your body isn't separate from your mind.
It's the vehicle that carries your spirit.
Regular exercise reduces depressive symptoms by up to 30%.
Hydration boosts brain function.
Sleep resets your emotional baseline.
It's simple, but it's foundational.
A Zen student once asked his master, How do I attain enlightenment?
The master replied, When hungry eat, When tired sleep, When sad move.
Caring for the body wasn't secondary.
It was sacred. I also love this idea because when we're out of food, we eat.
When you're out of growth, you choose to grow.
So today's experiment is go for a 20 minute walk today for a gentle stretch and pay attention to how your mind feels afterwards.
If you want to boost your day, it's as simple as this.
Seven hours of sleep, eight glasses of water and 15 minutes of movement.
Go on that walk, get outdoors and watch how your mood and mind change.
And finally, number seven is limiting our exposure to negativity.
I was recently on a podcast and I was talking to Tinkx and we were talking about this idea of how the challenge today is, our news finds us, we don't find our news.
Before, people would open up the newspaper to see what the news was.
Today, you're on social media trying to figure out what your friends are doing and you're reading about something happening halfway across the world.
You're about to send a message to a family member and someone sends something in the group chat, which is about a news update.
We no longer find our news.
Before you were primed, you were prepared.
I'm going to look at the news to see what's happening in the world.
Today you're trying to connect, you're trying to show empathy, you're trying to love, you're trying to have fun, and you're finding the news at that time.
It's extremely confusing and draining for your mind, which is looking for love and being overloaded by other information.
No, I'm not saying the news is not important, I'm saying it's important to be informed, but our mind is better when we've chosen what we're doing.
If your mind knows you're watching the news or about to pick up a newspaper or about to read a news site or a newsletter that you love, the mind is prepared and primed.
You can't avoid negativity but you can look for the good around you.
You can't stop people from criticizing you but you can decide which feedback matters.
You can't erase stress completely but you can find healthy ways to handle it.
You can't avoid every bad day but you can appreciate the good ones.
You can't stop difficult moments but you can decide what they teach you.
You can't control others attitudes, but you can protect your own mood.
You can't always avoid negativity, but you can choose how much you allow in.
Studies show 56 % of adults report higher stress due to constant news and social media consumption.
Remember, you are what you consume.
It's important to create a digital diet, a digital fast and a digital detox and a digital plan to support the mind that you want.
One of my favourite zen stories is when a student asked their teacher, How do you remain at peace despite the chaos of the world?
The master smiled and said, I simply don't argue with reality Most of our attention is created because we want things to be different.
When in reality, when we accept what's happening, and we work to make them different, we improve.
When you want something to be different, and when you work for something to be different it's two different experiences.
When you work to make something different, you feel closer to the solution, so the problem feels smaller.
Whereas when you want something to be different, you're standing away from the problem and it feels bigger and uncontrollable.
If you've been really overwhelmed recently, take a 24 -hour media detox today.
No news, no social media, no negativity.
And observe how your mind feels.
And build a positivity shield.
Limit news to one short daily check that you define.
Look at the news at one time in the day, mute negative accounts, and deliberately subscribe to uplifting podcasts or inspiring content, and unsubscribe from the others.
I hope this seven -step ritual and method creates less negative thoughts, and more importantly, control over the ones that do get through to you.
Thank you so much for listening.
Make sure you've subscribed, send this episode to someone who'll appreciate it, and I'll see you on the next one.
If you loved this episode, you will enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Aiman on how to change your life by changing your brain.
If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with a healthy brain.
You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and over a hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged.
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This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve.
I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given.
And Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations.
When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get 3x points on travel and dining and even access to one of a kind experiences like music festivals and sports events.
And that's not even mentioning how the card gets me into the Sapphire Lounge by the club at select airports nationwide.
Travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve.
Trust me. Discover more at Chase .com forward slash Sapphire Reserve.
Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, NA.
Member FDIC, subject to credit approval, terms apply.
Checking off the boxes on your to -do list is a great way to keep your mind clear.
That's why a State Farm agent is there to help you choose a coverage that's right for you.
As you go through life getting that new house, car, boat, motorcycle or even RV, helping protect it is always a good idea.
Whether you prefer talking in person, on the phone or on the award -winning app, State Farm is there to help protect what's important to you.
And with so many coverage options it's nice having help to find what fits for you.
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.
