Hello and welcome to or welcome back to Trying Not To Care and happy 2026.
It is a brand new year and I am feeding off the good energy right now.
I feel like there's this collective positive energy.
Everyone's planning their year.
They're trying to change their habits and align with their goals.
This year just seems very hopeful.
I think for a lot of us, 2025 was kind of a wreck.
So 2026 has to be good, right?
Last week obviously there was no episode, which thank you for allowing me to take the week off.
I really just spent time with my fiance and my friends.
I worked on my vision board, i mapped out my plans and my goals for this year and i've been going crazy planning for my wedding, because i do get married this year And I, up until this point, have been the chillest bride ever.
I've been really taking my time because in my head I'm like, oh, I have so much time.
But now that we're in the year that I'm actually getting married, I'm not chill anymore.
I'm actually quite stressed, but it's going to be fine.
It's going to be great.
And I can't wait. to share the whole journey with you.
Now that we're actually in the year that I'm getting married, I'm definitely going to be posting more about it and talking about the planning process and just showing you what it's like to be a bride, because this is my first and only time being a bride.
So I'm going to really soak it up.
So if you want to see more of that, you can follow me on my social media, my Instagram, my TikTok are linked in the show notes.
But this is officially the first episode of 2026.
In the last episode I talked about envisioning your highest self and planning out the action steps to take you to that next level.
Now it's time to do it.
In order to become that next level version of you, you need to stop playing small.
You need to step into your power and become her.
A big part of becoming your higher self is letting go of some of the old habits and ways of living that you're used to.
Playing small can look like minimizing yourself, minimizing your thoughts, your feelings, walking on eggshells around others, saying yes when you really mean no, or letting others define who you are.
This is the year that we choose ourselves over people pleasing, because you're never going to become the person that you want to be by being a million things for other people.
So with that being said, Let's get into today's episode.
The first thing I'm going to say, and I'm going to say it with love, is your people, pleasing tendencies are going to be the death of you.
I know you want to make other people happy.
I know you want to be on their good side.
I know you want them to have a good impression of you.
But you can't make everyone happy all the time because sooner or later, and sooner than you think, it's going to come at the expense of your growth, your success and your happiness.
You need to stop walking on eggshells trying to make everyone else feel more comfortable, because while you're doing that, you're making yourself so incredibly uncomfortable, going against your own wishes and desires and interests and boundaries and values.
And I think a lot of us push our feelings aside to satisfy other people and we do it so mindlessly, like it's automatic, because we think their feelings are more valuable than our own.
It's more dangerous to upset someone else than be the one upset.
The amount of times that I could have done what someone else has done to me is countless.
And it doesn't even have to be this malicious act, someone canceling plans on me.
In the past, I felt like I can't do that to them.
I can't cancel on them.
I don't want to upset them.
But when they do it to me, It's fine.
People have upset me a million times and I'm okay.
But for some reason, I'm like, well, I can't upset other people because it won't be okay.
When you're so afraid to let other people down or to upset other people, you move farther and farther away from the person that you're supposed to be.
You're hiding what you want to say.
You're hiding what you want to do.
You're hiding your desires and you're hiding how you feel.
You're so focused on someone else's emotions, trying to manage them, that you lose sight of your own feelings.
You're second guessing how you should act, how you should live, what you should or shouldn't say out of fear of upsetting someone else.
For example, you might want to post a video on social media talking about a topic that's important to you, but it's a little bit controversial.
So that holds you back from posting, because you're so afraid of the backlash that you might get from other people.
You're so afraid of, well, what if I upset someone?
What if they take this the wrong way?
Instead of worrying so much about how others are going to perceive you and trying to manage their emotions towards your behavior, manage your own.
Instead of freaking out and doing mental laps trying to figure out how others feel about you, do what you actually want to do.
Let people react and then manage your own emotions from their response.
You can't control how people think or feel or act, but you can control your emotions and your actions.
No matter what you do in this lifetime, good or bad, there will always be someone rooting against you or for you.
You could be the kindest funniest smartest, most giving person, and there's still going to be someone who doesn't like you.
With that being said, be the person that you want to be, not the person that you think people will like, because you're never going to satisfy everyone.
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If someone gets upset over how you choose to live your life, don't drive yourself insane trying to figure out how to make things right with them or how to change their mind about you.
Let them be upset.
And use your own time and energy to manage how their response makes you feel.
Sit with it.
Figure out why it upsets you.
Move through it and get over it.
Not everyone's going to like you just like you don't like everyone.
And it's okay.
It's going to be okay.
There is a huge difference between being considerate of other people and then abandoning yourself.
It is a beautiful thing to care about other people and want to make other people feel good.
But there's ways to do that without self-sabotaging.
If someone actually likes you for you, they're not going to expect you to drop everything for them or give up your passions for them, or be the best person at everything.
It's not realistic and it's not fair to you.
Again, there's going to be people who don't like you and there's going to be people that don't like everything that you do.
That doesn't mean what you're doing is wrong.
Don't give up who you are or who you're trying to be to make others happy, because in the end, you're going to make yourself miserable.
This goes for boundaries.
For the longest time, I thought me saying no or me being direct made me mean.
I was so afraid of coming off as cold or inconsiderate or selfish for not being able to satisfy someone else's needs.
And the thing with people pleasing is it's uncomfortable to say no to other people.
But discomfort doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong.
So many of us have trauma from past friendships, past relationships, even our own families, where when we'd say no, there was a consequence.
A simple, no, I don't want to go to that party led to your friends not inviting you places anymore.
Saying no to doing something intimate with your partner led led them to breaking up with you or hooking up with someone else, or saying no to an authority figure as a kid, with good reason, led to them scolding you because they're the adult and you're the child.
So what they say goes.
Experiences like those condition us to believe to be good is to be useful and obedient.
So now, as an adolescent or an adult, this habit form where you feel like you always have to say yes and be down for anything and ready to lend a hand.
Because if someone asks something of you and you say no, they're going to be upset with you or hold it against you or talk badly about you or just cut you off completely.
Saying no to someone does not equal confrontation or coldness.
It doesn't mean that you're trying to be difficult or cause a problem or cause separation between you and that person.
Saying no to someone's request or behavior is simply a boundary, and boundaries are clarity, not cruelty.
Anyone who sees your value as a person will honor that, whether that's a loved one or a boss or a professor.
You saying no, I can't come into work today because I'm sick or no, I can't pick up the extra shift, is not passive aggressive.
It does not make you a bad worker and it's not something to be held over your head.
It is clear communication and no one should ever expect you to drop things for them to make their life easier.
When it comes to your loved ones.
If they respect you as a person, they will respect your boundary and respect your space, not punish you or give you even more space than you requested because you didn't do what they wanted.
Having loose boundaries is another form of self-sabotage.
Saying yes to plans when you know you're too busy to hang out, or letting people talk down to you or treat you poorly.
That is self-sabotage.
You're putting other people before yourself to make them more comfortable, while disrupting your own peace.
Saying no, I can't hang out today is just as easy as saying yes to plans, but it feels harder because it might upset the other person.
Saying don't talk to me that way when someone insults you is completely justified, but it's harder than staying quiet because it might upset that person.
You know, the person that had no issue upsetting you.
Direct communication is not aggression.
Even if someone is being rude to you, if they're insulting you, you saying stop, don't talk to me, that way isn't aggressive.
It's not you adding fuel to a fire.
It's you putting out a fire someone else is trying to start.
Being so passive and so go with the flow, nothing bothers me.
You know, that might make other people's lives easier, but it makes yours a living hell.
Stop being afraid of saying how you feel and being direct with other people.
Say it with your chest and stop trying to sugarcoat it.
You don't always have to be over the top nice and butter people up to get your point across.
Women especially, we feel like we have to be warm and have the right tone to be respected and heard, whereas men can just say and do whatever they want and people just automatically respect them.
Think about your emails or texts.
I find myself all the time overthinking how I sound because I don't want to come off the wrong way.
If I'm trying to set a boundary, I'm doing the word Olympics, trying to find the right way to say it, because I don't want to come off as cold or confrontational or unprofessional.
In text messages.
I'm adding exclamation points and emojis to even just like an okay, because I think just writing okay sounds mean.
Meanwhile, the emails that I receive, the texts that I receive, are straight to the point no bullshit, no emojis, no exclamation points.
They're not worried about how I'm interpreting their messages.
So it's like, if they don't care how I feel, why do I care so much about how they feel?
If someone asks you to hang out, but you know that you're really busy and that would mess up your schedule, instead of saying you know I might be available.
I can probably make that work.
Knowing that you can't make it work, say I'm actually already booked that day, but I would love to still see you.
Let's reschedule for a different day that works for both of us.
You're not required to bend your schedule for other people, just like other people don't plan their schedule around you.
You don't have to plan around them.
Put yourself first, not being obedient or just standing up for yourself. is not punishable.
First of all, you're not a dog.
You don't need to listen to other people and their commands.
And two, you're not a doormat for people to walk all over.
The truth is, people expect you to say yes because you never say no.
The reason that people don't think that you're going to push back when they do shady things.
It's because when they do shady things you don't push back.
And that is a hard thing to hear.
When I came to that realization for myself, I was like oh, I'm the problem, it's me, or at least I'm adding to the problem.
If you're going into this new year with the mindset and goal of being successful driven inspirational powerful, you need to stop giving so much power to other people and learn to say no.
Learn to stick up for yourself.
Learn to be okay with hurting people's feelings.
Stop being the yes man in everyone's life.
It's not going to kill you to say how you actually feel or be a little selfish.
If someone can't handle you being unavailable to them, that's something they need to work on.
It's not a problem you need to fix.
You don't need to rearrange your schedule.
You don't need to over-explain your reasoning.
You don't have to soften your no or soften your boundaries.
I'll tell you right now successful CEOs aren't doing that because they know you got to stick to your plan and do what's right for you and your vision, regardless of how others feel.
Stop caring so much how others feel and try putting that energy into how you feel.
Watch how things change for the better for you when you care more about how you feel.
Next, stop being boring and start being bold.
You're not a side character.
You're allowed and are supposed to take up space.
I think what it all boils down to with people pleasing is...
We're afraid of being alone.
We're afraid of being alienated.
So that's why we bite our tongues and we don't say how we feel and we go with the flow and we try to play it easy and cool and we're so unbothered and we just let people do whatever they want and deal with the consequences of our actions.
We try to make people feel good and feel seen in a selfish attempt to keep them from leaving us.
This is why so many people are afraid of standing out and being bold and going after what they want, because they're afraid if I stand out, I'm going to be left out and I'm going to be isolated.
This all goes back to our adolescence and our childhood, where we felt like we could be ourselves, but then it was used against us.
Maybe you were a little different.
Maybe you were a little quirky.
Maybe you were a little weird and your peers didn't like that.
So they made fun of you.
They made you sit alone at lunch.
They didn't talk to you.
You didn't have any friends and you felt isolated.
You now associate being different and not following the crowd as a gateway to being alienated.
Like I said before, discomfort doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong.
Of course it's going to feel a little uncomfortable to have people staring at you and talking about you, especially if you're just stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new and now just going after what you want.
But if you want to be someone who's known for their greatness and power and influence, eyes will be on you.
That's the point.
You don't watch a movie and only look at the background characters.
The story revolves around the main character.
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One of my goals for 2026 is to read one nonfiction book and one fiction book every month.
So this month I'm reading The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.
And it goes through all 48 laws how to use them, with historical examples to showcase what happens when you use them correctly versus when you don't.
But law six is court attention at all costs.
This law talks about how if you want people to give you attention, You need to give them a reason.
If you're trying to be the main character, if you're trying to be someone who's iconic and well-known, you got to start taking risks.
Doing what you usually do isn't going to catapult you to that higher, more interesting, cooler version of you.
In the book, Green says, to create a crowd, you have to do something different and odd.
Society craves larger than life figures, people who stand above the general mediocrity.
Never be afraid then of the qualities that set you apart and draw attention to you.
There's no denying that it probably feels more comfortable to blend in and be like everyone else.
You probably feel safer that way, because a light isn't being shined on you and there's less judgment.
But just because you fit in doesn't mean you belong.
The reality is you're not like everyone else.
And the more you try to be like everyone else and wear the same clothes that everyone wears that doesn't feel like you, or agree with what everyone says, or follow the same path that everyone goes down, the more you lose the spark you have about yourself, the uniqueness you and only you has.
I live in a pretty small town in Connecticut.
I live right next to my hometown that I grew up in.
That's of bigger size, but it's all kind of meshed into one.
It's very New England.
People dress for the cold and that's about it.
There's not much individual expression through clothing.
Whereas if you were to go to somewhere like New York City, people are wearing whatever they want.
And they're almost artistic about it rather than practical.
And that goes for everything.
Connecticut and small towns in general are pretty conservative.
People kind of all do the same thing compared to places like New York or California.
So, with living in Connecticut, it's really easy to spot someone who goes against the grain and wears different clothes or has a different hairstyle or different makeup.
It'd be strange to see someone vlogging on their phone in public.
Or you definitely know, if someone's career is less conventional because there's less people doing it, so they stand out.
Being that person is hard.
It's hard to be the black sheep or be misunderstood.
But it's also a blessing.
It's a blessing that you don't relate to people because why do you want to be like everyone else?
Why do you want to blend into the background when you have so much to offer to the story?
When I think of the higher version of myself, the version of me that I want to be.
She's bigger than life.
She radiates confidence.
She's bold.
She's iconic.
She's a leader.
She trusts herself.
And she's extra-zel.
When I think of her, there is a clear vision in my head.
Her hair is nicely blown out.
She dresses feminine, but a little edgy and unique.
And she's cool.
She's got her makeup routine down to a science.
She has good posture.
She doesn't just walk.
She struts.
And she gives everything her all.
But the thing is, I cannot become her without trying to become her first.
Almost cosplaying.
So the other day, I decided I wanted to go for a walk outside.
Mind you, it's dead of winter in Connecticut.
It's like 20 degrees out.
And I'm getting dressed and I'm contemplating whether or not I should wear my big furry coat.
If you've seen the coat, you know it's big and you know it's furry.
It's not like, oh, it's just a furry coat.
It's a big furry coat, okay?
If I were in New York, in the city, even in Connecticut, but like going out for dinner or drinks, I wouldn't hesitate wearing this coat.
But because I was just going for a walk, I was like, should I?
It's kind of a little too much.
People are definitely going to stare at me.
And then guess what?
I wore the damn coat because one, it's never that serious.
I don't know these people.
They don't know me.
We're on a floating rock.
And two, they should stare, because it's an incredible coat and I would stare if I saw someone else wearing it.
Yes, I could put on a regular puffer coat and call it a day and have no one look twice at me because everyone's wearing that.
But what's the fun in that?
I don't want to wear a coat that I'm not excited about.
And I also don't want to blend in.
I want to be the main character.
If you also want to be her, if you want to be the main character.
This is going to go for all the decisions you make, what you wear, the way you speak, the way that you show up in public, deciding to wear that fur coat and a big pair of sunglasses just to go grocery shopping, being the only one dancing at a party, posting a video with a controversial take, being the only one to raise your hand in class to answer a question.
You got to put yourself out there.
Of course, there's going to be pushback.
There's going to be people who raise their eyebrows or roll their eyes at you.
There's going to be people who do a double take and laugh at you.
There's going to be people who call you a pick me or a know it all.
But it's better to be that in their story than be a loser in yours.
Even negative attention is still attention.
People giving energy to you still makes you the main character in their story, even if they don't like you.
You're still the main character.
The same is true about you.
The more you give those people energy, the more you make them the main character in your story.
Stop dimming your light for side characters.
Be bold.
Say how you feel.
Dress how you want.
Live your life in alignment with your higher self.
It isn't going to alienate you from anyone that actually matters.
It might get rid of people who don't get you or who don't agree with you, but you definitely won't end up alone.
The spotlight will be on you for a reason.
And those people aren't gonna wanna look away from you.
I can tell you that right now.
And then lastly, lean into your confidence and become assertive.
This really just ties everything together being bold, not being afraid to do what you want, not being afraid to say what you want.
And not holding yourself back to appease other people.
What I want you to remember is confidence is internal.
Assertiveness is external.
You could be the most confident person.
You can love yourself.
You can trust yourself and your abilities.
But it only goes so far if you're not using it to your full potential.
A confident person can still be a people pleaser.
You can know your value while also allowing people to attempt to devalue you.
For example, you can know that you're beautiful, but then someone comes along insulting you, trying to bring you down.
And instead of speaking up for yourself or walking away, you just take it and bite your tongue and you stay quiet, writing it off, as I don't need to defend myself.
You're right.
You don't need to.
But why don't you?
That'd be like someone insulting you and then your boyfriend or girlfriend standing right next to you, hearing them speak the way they do to you and just letting it happen, not stepping up and coming to your defense, because being quiet keeps the peace.
Wouldn't that upset you or confuse you?
Like, why don't you have my back?
Why don't you have your own back?
Speak your mind.
Stand up for yourself.
Hold your ground.
Remind these people who you are and what you will and will not tolerate.
People pleasers are so worried about how other people view them.
But the thing is, when you're constantly bending over backwards for people and you're changing your personality for them, you're the nice guy, you're the yes man.
Yeah, there's going to be people who look at you and they think that you're super nice or super charming and they have all these positive things to say about you.
But there's also going to be people that clock it and say, wow, they're so weak.
They're such a pushover.
They lack authority and they're so weak, boring.
If you actually care so much about what people think about you, instead of leaving them with the thought of oh, she's just such a pleasant person to be around or, worst case, she's such a pushover, i could do whatever i want and she'd be okay with it, why don't you show them who you actually are?
There are so many people who want to put you in a box and tell you who you are and what you're capable of, whether it's because that's just how they see you or that's how they want you to be.
Don't let them.
Don't let other people define you.
Let your words and actions define you.
The people pleaser in us wants us to stay quiet and let other people take control of the narrative.
Let them tell us who we are and then just adjust to it.
But every time you let someone define you, you are abandoning yourself.
You're losing parts of who you are.
You need to learn to separate feedback from identity.
It's okay for others to speculate on what kind of person you are or what you're capable of, but whatever they come up with isn't facts.
How others view you is not a concrete and true representation of who you actually are.
It's just a perspective.
So stop dimming your light and going with their interpretation of who you are, and show them who you are.
Be assertive.
Walk with intention.
Talk with intention.
Only give power to things that matter to you.
Only spend time on what aligns with you.
Don't allow disrespect and stand up for yourself when people come at you sideways.
If someone comes up to you and says, oh, I saw your little TikTok.
It's so cute how you're trying to be an influencer.
Don't let that slide and minimize your goal.
Don't laugh and joke and validate their backhanded compliment to lighten the mood.
Own your work.
Own your passion.
Affirm, I've been working really hard and it's paying off.
So I'm glad you see it.
I'm so glad, so happy to meet a fan.
Make people feel dumb when they try to make you feel small.
There's a reason they're doing it.
More than likely, it's because they're intimidated and see your potential.
They see your potential.
You have potential to be that higher version of you that's successful talented smart funny creative, inspirational.
You can be the version that you envision.
Other people see it too, so don't give up on it because it's scary.
Staying the same is scary.
Missing out on opportunities is scary.
Not living the life that you're meant to is so much scarier than stepping out of your comfort zone.
When things are new or uncomfortable or scary, It isn't a sign to run away or shrink yourself.
The only way to grow is embracing that change, and embracing the uncertainty, the judgment, the ridicule.
That's the only thing that's standing in the way of who you are now and the person that you want to be.
You're where you are now.
There's the in-between that is your comfort zone.
And then there's the higher version of you who has stepped out of it.
You can either play small and stay where you are or do it big and see where you can go.
2026 is the year we stop playing it safe and we allow ourselves to take up space and be the person that we want to be and know that we can be.
I want to leave you with a little journal prompt.
I want you to pick one area of your life to stop playing small this week.
What are things that you want to improve on this year and what can you do now to amplify that goal?
Think about it.
Journal about it and let me know how you feel.
As always, you can always share in the Spotify comments.
You can share with me on social media or you can just keep it to yourself.
I respect that.
I love that.
And again, if you're not already, make sure to follow me on social media.
My Instagram is Ashley Corbeau and my TikTok is Ashley C. Corbeau.
They'll be linked in the show notes.
If you're still listening up until this point, merch is coming in the next episode.
I'm going to announce the date that I'm releasing it.
But just know that it is coming.
I can't wait for you to see.
So many of you have been asking where it is.
I promise you it's coming and you'll know soon.
But that is everything for today's episode.
Thank you so much for hanging out and listening to me.
If you haven't already, make sure to rate Train It To Care on Spotify and Apple.
It really helps me out.
Leave a comment so I can see you, so I can talk to you.
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But I do post every Monday.
So if you want to keep listening, I will see you next Monday.
Bye.
