You see me speaking English confidently now, but you don't know that I was terrified of saying a single word at the beginning of my journey.
My heart would pound.
My mind went blank many times.
I literally ran away from conversations for a while.
If you feel that way, I need you to understand this.
Your fear is not a language problem.
It's a survival instinct.
Your brain is trying to protect you from what it sees as a major threat.
Social rejection.
But the confidence in English I have today wasn't a gift.
It was built.
And today, I'll show you practical tools to turn that fear into confident fluency.
These aren't just theories.
These are the steps that will let you manage that instinct and finally speak English with more confidence.
So, let's get started.
Before we get into the actual tips, we have to start right here. inside your head.
Because no amount of practice or tips will ever work if your core beliefs about language and mistakes are working against you.
This was the biggest change for me, and the hardest, but it was also the most powerful.
It's about completely changing the rules of the game you're playing.
Let's break this down into three crucial mindset shifts.
Mindset shift number one, redefine confidence.
For years, I thought confidence was a feeling.
I thought I had to feel confident before I could speak.
I was just waiting for this magical moment where all my anxiety would vanish and then I'd open my mouth and speak perfect fluent English.
I was waiting for a long time.
Spoiler alert, that moment never came.
The breakthrough for me was learning that confidence is not a feeling, it's a skill.
Even more than that, confidence is the result of action, not a requirement for it.
Think about it.
Do you feel confident about driving a car before you've ever sat in the driver's seat?
Of course not.
You build confidence by turning the key, by making jerky turns in an empty parking lot and by making mistakes.
Confidence is just the memory of your past successes, even the tiny ones.
So how do we apply this to English?
You stop waiting to feel confident.
Instead, you focus on taking one small, manageable action.
Your goal isn't to feel brave.
Your goal is to ask one question in a meeting, even if her voice is shaking.
Your goal is to say hello to the cashier at a supermarket.
Your goal is to record yourself speaking for just 30 seconds.
You see?
Action.
Every time you take one of these small actions, you build a new memory for your brain.
You create a tiny piece of evidence that says, I spoke and I survived.
That's it.
That is the start of real earned confidence.
It's not a lightning strike of inspiration.
It's a building wall, brick by brick.
Focus on the action, not the feeling.
The feeling follows the action, not the other way around.
You know, I was teaching my group class this past Monday and one of my students really struggles with confidence.
But this last class I could tell that she was really making an effort and really trying to speak up in front of everybody, sharing her thoughts, her ideas, her opinions.
I could sense that she was really nervous doing it, but she was pushing herself to do it.
And I remember being in class and listening to her speak her mind and just thinking to myself good for you way to go.
You see, she's pushing herself to start feeling more confident speaking English in public.
That confidence only comes from action, from doing something, not waiting to feel the confidence come.
By the way, if you're looking for more help and guidance on your English learning journey, I highly recommend you book a one-on-one fluency discovery call with me.
This is a 90-minute call on Zoom where you and I will talk and I will help you diagnose your current level of English and help you take the steps to get to the next level.
After our call, I'm going to send you an action plan with useful links and suggestions of things you should do to take your English to the next level.
So if you are interested in booking a one-on-one call with me, link in the description of the video, also in the pinned comment below.
Mindset shift number two.
Reframe mistakes as data, not disaster.
The second pillar of fear is the terror of making a mistake.
We've been taught in school that mistakes are bad.
A red X on the test means you failed.
But in language learning, that mindset is a prison.
If you're not making mistakes, you're not learning.
It really is that simple.
Think of a scientist in a lab.
If an experiment doesn't work, do they throw their hands up and quit declaring they're a terrible scientist?
No.
They look at the result and say, hmm, interesting, that didn't work.
What can I learn from this?
What will I change next time?
The failed experiment is just data.
Your English mistakes are your data.
Every time you use the wrong preposition or mispronounce a word.
You've just discovered the edge of your current ability.
It's not failure.
It's a discovery.
It's a signpost showing you exactly what to work on next.
Remember, the goal of speaking is communication, not perfection.
I used to be haunted by my mistakes.
I'd say something wrong and then spend the next three days replaying it in my head just burning with shame.
It was exhausting, and it made me never want to speak again.
The shift for me came when I started a mistake journal.
I know it sounds weird, but hear me out.
As a matter of fact, I didn't even know it was a journal until recently.
Nowadays, looking back, I realize it was actually a journal.
But basically what I would do was I would pick a notebook and write down my mistakes.
For example, today I said I am agree instead of I agree.
Then right next to it, i would write the correction, that's all.
I didn't dwell on the mistake, i just treated it like data entry.
The simple act did two things for me.
First, it normalized making mistakes.
I was actively looking for them, so they became an expected part of my day.
Second, it turned that moment of shame into a concrete learning opportunity.
I was no longer a victim of my mistakes.
I was a student of them.
Everyone makes mistakes, even native speakers sometimes.
Trust me, nobody's gonna laugh at you.
And if they do, they're just jerks and they should just walk away anyway.
Keep that in mind.
Mindset shift number three.
Shift your goal from perfection to connection.
When we get nervous, our focus turns completely inward.
We start obsessing over our own performance.
How do i sound?
Is my grammar right?
Did i use the right word?
My accent must sound so strong?
We become the star, the director and the harshest critic of our own one-person show, and that is a recipe for anxiety.
Not to mention that it sounds completely self-centered, doesn't it?
The antidote is to shift your focus outward.
Your goal in a conversation is not to deliver a flawless linguistic performance.
Your goal is to connect with the other person.
That's it.
Do you understand what they're trying to share?
Are you successfully sharing your idea with them?
Be happy with that.
This shift is incredibly freeing.
When your focus is on the other person and the message, you have way less mental energy to spare for self-criticism.
If you are genuinely curious about what your colleague is saying, you will be focused on listening, not on how to phrase your next sentence perfectly.
And guess what?
People respond to that.
They don't care if you use an instead of on.
They care that you are present and engaged with them in the conversation right there in the moment.
A practical way to do this is to enter every conversation with one small mission.
Learn one new thing about the other person.
Ask questions.
Questions are a superpower here, because they put the spotlight on the other person while letting you practice.
Instead of worrying about how you're coming across, make it your mission to understand them.
This takes the pressure off of you.
When you focus on connection, fluency becomes a byproduct, not a stressful, impossible goal.
This three-part mindset shift is your foundation.
Once this is in place, you can start using the physical tools to manage that anxiety in the moment.
So, we've talked about the mind.
Now, let's talk a bit about the body.
When that survival instinct kicks in, it's not just in your head.
It's a full body experience.
Your heart races.
Your muscles clench.
Your breathing gets shallow.
And your body gets flooded with adrenaline.
You need to send a physical signal to your body that you are safe.
This is where your secret weapon comes in, your breath.
It sounds almost too simple to be true, but controlling your breath is the fastest, most effective way to turn off your body's panic response.
Breathing exercises work by stimulating something called the vagus nerve, which basically activates your body's built-in rest and relax system.
It's the biological off-switch for anxiety.
Let me teach you two powerful breathing techniques here.
Don't just listen.
Do them with me right now.
These aren't just for when you are about to give a presentation, for example.
You should practice these every day so they become automatic for you.
So the first breathing technique is called the diaphragmatic breathing, also called belly breathing.
This is the foundation of all calming breath work.
Most of us, especially when we're stressed, breathe from our chest short, shallow breaths.
That kind of breathing actually signals more stress to your body.
We need to retrain ourselves to breathe deep into our belly, the way we did when we were babies.
Let's try it place one hand on your chest and the other hand on your belly.
Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose.
And our goal here is to make the hand on your belly rise, while the hand on your chest stays as still as possible.
Inhale through the nose.
Feel the belly rise.
One, two, three, four.
And exhale.
Could be through your nose or your mouth.
Again, inhale through your nose, feel your belly moving, or your chest.
Hold a little bit for about four or five seconds, and then let it go.
Feel that?
Practicing this for just five minutes a day can dramatically lower your baseline anxiety.
This is your go-to when you feel those nerves starting to build.
Now breathing technique number two is called box breathing or square breathing.
This technique is so effective.
It's even used by navy seals to stay calm and focused in high stress situations.
It's called box breathing because it has four equal sides.
It's super simple to remember.
You inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds.
Let's do it together.
Get comfortable.
First, inhale through your nose for a count of four, Hold.
Exhale.
Hold.
One more time.
Hold.
Exhale.
Hold.
This was just a quick demonstration.
The beauty here is in the rhythm.
So when you do it at home, take your time, because it forces your mind to focus on counting, and then this interrupts the cycle of anxious thoughts.
And you can do this anywhere, and no one will even know.
You can even find YouTube video tutorials teaching you how to do this.
And there are other breathing techniques that you can try and look into.
These breathing techniques are your physical toolkit.
Don't just learn them.
Practice them until they're second nature.
The more you practice when you're calm, the easier it will be to use these tools when you're feeling the pressure.
Remember, breathe.
Breathe.
We've worked on the mind.
We've worked on the body through breathing.
Now it's time to take action.
This is where we face the fear, but we do it smart.
We use a proven method called gradual exposure.
The idea is simple.
You can't overcome a fear by avoiding it.
In fact, avoidance makes the fear stronger.
The way to break the cycle is to face the fear in small, manageable steps.
You create a personal fear ladder from the least scary situation to the most terrifying, and you conquer it one step at a time.
I'm going to lay out a sample five-level plan here.
Yours might look a little different, but the principle is the same.
Start small, build momentum and only move to the next level when the current level feels a little bit boring.
Level one, the safety zone.
Practice with zero pressure.
The goal here is simply to get used to the physical act of speaking English out loud with no one around to judge you.
Your mission here is just to talk to yourself.
Narrate your day in English.
Okay, now I am making coffee.
I am pouring the water.
It feels silly at first, but trust me, it's incredibly effective.
Next up, read something out loud for 10 or 15 minutes a day.
An article, a book, anything.
Don't worry about perfect pronunciation.
Just make noise.
Then, try shadowing.
This is a powerhouse technique.
Put on a podcast or a video in English.
Listen to one sentence, pause and repeat it exactly as you heard it, mimicking the speaker's rhythm and intonation.
Finally, record yourself for just one minute.
It can be scary, but it's a crucial step.
Just listen back.
You will get used to the sound of your own voice in English and you will notice things to improve, which is valuable data.
Stay at this level until it feels easy.
Boring is good.
It means you're ready for the next challenge.
Level 2.
Low stakes interaction.
Scripted and safe.
Now we introduce another person, but in a highly controlled, predictable way.
Your mission here is to do something like ordering coffee or ordering food in English.
This is perfect because it's a script.
You know what you're going to say.
I'd like a large latte, please.
And you can guess what they'll say back.
Prepare your lines, use your breathing techniques in line, and just execute the plan.
Next up, you can ask a stranger for simple information.
Excuse me, could you tell me what time it is?
Or, sorry, where is the nearest subway station?
It's a short interaction with a clear beginning and end.
Celebrate every single one of these.
You are actively rewiring your brain's fear response.
Remember that.
Then level three is the training ground, structured speaking.
You see, we are getting more advanced now as we move up the ladder, the fear ladder.
Now we move into longer conversations, but with people who get it.
They're supportive and understand you are a learner.
Your mission here is to find a language exchange partner.
There are tons of apps and websites for this.
The key is to find someone you feel comfortable with, so it feels more like a chat with a friend than a test.
Next up, you can consider hiring a tutor, even for just a few sessions.
A good teacher creates a safe space for you to make mistakes.
You can tell them my goal is to overcome my speaking anxiety.
So please be patient, although you don't even have to say that, because you know very good, teachers are patient by default.
So you don't even have to say please be patient, because you know if the teacher is good, he or she will be patient with you anyway.
Or you can also consider joining a speaking club or conversation club.
You can look for groups like toast masters or other english conversation clubs.
Everyone there is working on the same thing, which makes it a judgment-free zone.
As a matter of fact, I have my own private community and conversation club session, so that could be a good option for you to be around like-minded learners who won't judge you, who are there with the same goal as you are ready to practice their English-speaking skills together.
So, link in the description if you want to learn more about my private community.
Also, remember that at this level, you will have good days and bad days.
That's totally normal.
Just be consistent.
Level four, the real world unscripted conversations.
Now things are getting interesting.
This is where your training really starts to pay off.
You begin to engage in more spontaneous conversations in the real world.
Your mission here is to make small talk.
Next time you are in a line, for example, comment on the weather or ask a simple question.
The goal isn't a 30-minute debate.
It's just to break the ice and see that you can handle it.
Next up, ask a follow-up question.
In a meeting or in a chat, when someone says something interesting, push yourself to ask.
That's interesting.
Could you tell me more about that?
This keeps the conversation going while putting the focus on the other person.
Then, you can share a short opinion or a short story.
Prepare a simple one-minute story about your weekend.
Look for a natural opportunity to share it.
Having it ready reduces the mental load.
Finally, level five, the challenge zone, pushing your boundaries.
Once you are more comfortable, it's time to intentionally seek out situations that still feel a little scary.
This is how you keep growing.
Out of the comfort zone.
Your mission is to speak up in a group meeting.
Make it a goal to contribute just one point.
Prepare beforehand if you need to.
Next up, you can consider making a phone call in English.
Calls are tough because you have no visual cues.
Calling to book a reservation or ask about a service is great practice.
Then we have the final boss for now.
Give a small presentation, volunteer to give a quick two-minute update to your team.
Start small and work your way up.
This plan is a road map.
It systematically proves to your brain, through direct experience, that the bad things you worry about almost never happen.
It's all in your head.
You are building resilience, one conversation at a time, and you are giving yourself evidence that you can do it.
You can speak up and nothing bad is going to happen.
All right.
So we have covered so much ground today, from the deep psychology of fear to the physical act of speaking in various situations.
I know it's a lot, but remember, this is a journey, not a race.
Confidence doesn't happen overnight.
I want you to make a commitment to yourself right now.
Pick just one thing from this video that you are going to try this week.
Maybe it's practicing belly breathing every morning.
Maybe it's starting that mistake journal I talked about.
Or maybe it's just reading one page of a book out loud.
Maybe it's picking up the next English session you have with your peers or with your teacher.
Whatever it is, write it down in the comments below.
Declare it.
Writing it down and sharing it makes it real.
It makes you accountable.
And even better, it lets all of us in this community here on the channel support you.
Read through the comments and cheer each other on.
We're all in this together.
Remember that.
And, of course, if you found this helpful and you want to keep going on this journey with me, make sure you subscribe to the channel here, hit that notification bell, so you don't miss a single new video that I publish next.
Wrapping up here, the fear of speaking English can feel like a giant unbreakable wall, but it's not.
It's just a collection of bricks.
And you can take it down one brick at a time because you have the tools now.
You have the keys.
The key to understanding your fear is normal.
The key to knowing confidence is built, not found.
The key to using your breath to calm your body.
The key to having an action plan to face your fears step by step.
Your voice deserves to be heard.
Your ideas deserve to be shared.
Don't let fear keep you silent for one more day.
Start small, be kind to yourself and just begin your journey from silent and scared to fluent and confident starts.
Today You've got this.
Don't forget to book a one-on-one fluency discovery call with me.
It's going to be great to talk to you for about 90 minutes, get to know you better and help you figure out what your current level of English is.
Link in the description.
And if you want to learn more about how you can feel more confident to speak English, I highly recommend you watch this video next, which I made here about a year ago on the channel.
But I share some useful tips here as well to build up your confidence.
You don't want to miss it.
Do check it out.
