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When we can shift that story to instead of why is this happening to me, all the way through to, well, what can I do about it?
What skill is this asking me to develop?
What is this reminding me that I've forgotten?
What wisdom is inside of this that I need to learn?
As soon as you shift to a solution, proactive approach, you don't have the suffering.
You will always have the pain, you don't have to suffer from it.
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
Are you still thinking about something that happened last week at work and you're kind of embarrassed about it?
Or maybe you're waiting for someone to text you and you're wondering why they haven't replied for 24 hours.
Or maybe you've been on a dating app recently and someone ghosts at you and you're totally overthinking it.
Over -thinking, spiraling, crashing out, are things we do every single day.
It almost feels like our minds are overflowing with the same negative thought patterns all the time.
What do we do? If you've experienced any of those things before, this episode is for you.
I want to share with you spiritual truths that help us understand how to stop over -thinking and actually learn to let go.
The first is everything is impermanent.
It's important that we learn to let go gracefully.
The Bhagavad Gita has a beautiful verse, 2 .14, that says the non -permanent appearance of happiness and distress and their disappearance in due course are like the appearance and disappearance of the winter and summer seasons.
They arise from sense perception and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed.
I love this verse from the Bhagavad Gita and it's something that I really want you to take in.
When you wake up in the morning, and it's raining, if you let that define your mood, if you overthink it, it will totally ruin your day.
If you wake up and you only feel happy when it's sunny, it sets you up for failure on a day when it's dark and it's not sunny.
How do we learn to tolerate this as the Bhagavad Gita is saying?
How do we get to a point where we don't overthink everything that happens around us and let it affect what's happening inside of us?
I want to talk to you about the skill of recognizing impermanence.
There's a beautiful story of the farmer and his son.
It's a Zen story that I love to share.
While the son is wandering the land, he comes across a horse.
He's able to ride this horse back and they have a great sense of compatibility.
And he brings the horse back home.
All the villagers gather around and they say to the father, this is amazing.
What great news, your son has this horse.
And the father replies, good thing, bad thing, who knows?
The next day, when the son is riding the horse, the horse has a slight trip and an accident and knocks the son off and the son breaks his leg.
The villagers gather around and say, oh no, this is the worst thing that could have happened.
This is so terrible.
You should've never let the horse come back.
The farmer says, good thing, bad thing, who knows?
A few months later, while the boy is still healing, every single man in this village is recruited to join the army, apart from the son, because of his broken leg.
The villagers gather and say, you're so lucky you're so fortunate.
This is the best thing that could have happened.
The father replies, good thing, bad thing, who knows?
And of course, the story goes on.
What this story teaches us, is not that we want bad things to happen to us, or it's not that we want negative things to happen to anyone, but that we've realized that all of these things are impermanent.
They're not gonna last forever, they're ephemeral.
A sunny day doesn't last forever, and a rainy day doesn't last forever.
These things come and go like the seasons.
This is what we have to learn.
we learn to let go when we're prepared for the season.
If you know it's going to rain, but you've got your rain boots and you've got your umbrella, it doesn't matter.
You're prepared. If you know it's going to be really hot out and you've got your flip -flops and your sunscreen, you're prepared.
Letting go isn't about doing nothing.
It's about focusing on what you can prepare.
Letting go is not the act of not being worried or not worrying about the consequences or not thinking about what's going to happen.
Letting go is being proactive and preparing in the way that you can.
Whatever season is going to come your way, do you have the appropriate clothing in your closet?
Whatever season is going to come your way, is your mind prepared to deal with it?
Let us remember that both good and bad experiences are both impermanent.
Now let's say that you feel the same thoughts spiral in your mind every single day.
The same things trigger you, block you, and slow you down.
What do you do about it?
The first piece of wisdom is getting the thought out of your head and onto a page.
It's really hard to filter thoughts while they're spiraling and circling around your mind.
When you actually write down how you're feeling, you're extracting that emotion from within yourself and taking it into a place that you can get tactile with it.
If a thought's outside of your head, you can now actually do something with it.
One of the things that's recommended is either ripping it up and discarding of it, potentially even burning it to really let go of it or allowing yourself to throw it into the trash, Now you may think these are woowoo ideas, but actually, the Nagoya University study in 2024 found that participants who wrote down their angry thoughts and then shredded or discarded the paper experienced a significant reduction in anger.
In contrast, those who kept the paper saw only a minor decrease in anger levels.
The act of physically disposing of the paper played a crucial role in alleviating negative emotions.
Think about that for a second.
The act of writing something down and discarding of that paper, ripping it up, throwing it in the trash, burning it, actually starts to free you from that emotional experience.
It's mind -blowing to even think about it.
And did you notice what I said there in the study?
If you hold on to it, like a journal, or even keep it around, it actually doesn't have the same impact.
Another example is the Ohio State University research from 2012.
A study published in Psychological Science demonstrated that individuals who wrote down their negative thoughts and then threw the paper away were more likely to mentally discard those thoughts.
Conversely, those who kept the paper were more likely to dwell on the negative content.
So it's not just about writing it down, it's also about releasing it.
Studies show that burning photographs of an ex -partner can serve as a powerful, symbolic act to facilitate emotional release and closure after a breakup.
This is from a study that I read in PMC.
How many of you have held on to things that your ex gave you?
How many of you have kept in a shoebox, letters, mementos, gifts, from an ex -partner because there's a part of you that still is connected to them?
Burn it. Let it go.
Discard it. If you truly want to release someone from your life, release items, memories, and things like that, physically.
Actually let it go in order to mentally let it go.
Another study from ResearchGate that analyzed personal grief rituals found that symbolic actions, including the disposal of objects through elements like fire, support emotional healing by providing a tangible method to express and release complex feelings.
I remember when I interviewed Nessa Barrett on my podcast On Purpose and she had this song called Burn Box.
this idea of really being able to release something.
So next time you find a thought appearing in your mind every single day, I want you to write it down on a piece of paper.
I want you to rip it up, I want you to shred it, I want you to put it in the fire, burn it, and let it go, and see how you feel lighter and liberated from that weight.
Spiritual truth number two.
We all have heard that your inner world shapes your outer reality.
But there's an even more hidden truth here, your outer reality shapes your inner world.
If you feel like you're overthinking, clean that closet, tidy that cupboard, reorganize your desk.
The practical act of cleaning, tidying or reorganizing literally cleans and orders your mind.
Waking up to zero clutter, frees you from the stress you feel when you see unwashed dishes, or that messy desk, or that piece of art on your wall that is slightly off center.
It's fascinating to me how many of us are hoping to have a peaceful mind in a chaotic living room, a peaceful mind in a messy kitchen, a peaceful mind in a disorganized bedroom.
And it's actually the act of decluttering.
It's not just walking into a clean space.
When you start cleaning, when you start organizing, it's almost like you're filing away files in your mind.
Have you ever felt like you have too many tabs open on your laptop?
Imagine how many tabs are open in your mind.
When you start to clean up the tabs on your laptop, the tabs on your screen, all of a sudden you start to mentally declutter.
Now let's look at the research on this.
Clutter affects your mind.
The first way is cognitive overload.
Clutter competes for your attention, leading to cognitive overload.
This constant visual distraction can impair your ability to focus and process information.
A study using fMRI scans found that individuals in organized environments were better able to concentrate and process information compared to those in cluttered spaces.
Clear your space to clear your mind.
Clean that closet, clean the table, wash the dishes, put away your clothes, and see how your mind starts to feel more creative, more productive, boost your energy.
It may feel like a chore and a task, but it's something that will actually heal you.
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The second way that clutter affects us is that it actually elevates our stress hormones.
Research indicates that individuals, particularly women, who perceive their homes as cluttered have higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.
If you want to start reducing your daily stress, start by organizing your home.
Start by putting things in their place.
One of the things I like to think about is how my home can be like a home hotel.
What I mean by that is, I want my home to have the warmth of a home, the comfort of a home.
But I want it to have the organization of a hotel.
Have you ever noticed when you go into a hotel?
The hairdryer is in one of the drawers.
The ironing board is in the same place.
The steamer, whatever it may be, everything has a place.
Start by figuring out what deserves a place in your home and what that place is.
One of my favorite exercises from Marie Kondo was this idea of items that spark joy.
What's the first thing you see in the morning?
Is it a messy desk?
Or is it a picture of your family that makes you feel happy?
What's the first thing in the morning?
Is it the dishes that haven't been done from last night?
Or is it a piece of art that inspires you?
What's the first thing you see when you get back from work?
Is it a disorganized cupboard, or is it a closet that has everything in the right place?
When you change what you see first thing in the morning, first thing when you come back from work, and last thing before you go to bed, you transform your day.
And the third reason why this is so important is a cluttered bedroom can negatively impact sleep quality.
Studies have shown that people sleeping in cluttered rooms are more likely to experience sleep disturbances, including difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep.
So, if you're one of those people that's just been struggling to fall asleep, to get a good night's sleep, to get into REM sleep, and you're wondering, why is it?
I'm eating early, trying to work out, I am tired." It could be the clutter in your bedroom.
Let it go. And one thing that we often overlook is clutter is connected to emotional well -being.
Clutter's associated with negative emotions, such as confusion, tension, and irritability.
And conversely, an organized home can promote feelings of calmness and a sense of well -being.
Here's what I want you to do.
I don't want you to feel guilty if your home is messy.
Mine is too. I don't want you to feel shame if your cupboards are not organized.
Mine need work too.
Here are the practical steps.
Number one, start small.
Tackle one area at a time.
You don't need to fix your whole home this week.
Pick one area, one drawer, one corner of a room to focus on this week.
it literally could be one drawer.
It could be the kitchen cupboard you open up every day.
It could be your refrigerator that you open up every morning.
Just start with one place.
Second step is set a timer.
Dedicate 30 minutes of your week to clean that space.
You've got 30 minutes to do it, make it a task, make it a experiment, make it almost a challenge.
Can I get this done in 30 minutes?
Can I get this done in 60 minutes?
setting a timer gives you a sense of not only making it more manageable, but you can be competitive with it.
You can almost turn it into a game.
And the third step is when you do that, create spaces for each of the items. A place where the milk goes, a place where the bread goes, a place where everything else goes.
Be really clear so that you can actually stick to it.
Spiritual truth number three that will stop you from overthinking is one of my favorite Buddhist teachings is pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.
Pain is a reality suffering is the story we create around it.
In Buddhism there's a powerful story called the two arrows.
Imagine you're struck by an arrow, this arrow represents pain and it's unavoidable.
Throughout our days, throughout our weeks, we'll have so many arrows thrown at us.
But if you react by lamenting, blaming, or agonizing over why you were struck, it's like shooting yourself with a second arrow.
This second arrow symbolizes your suffering.
It's entirely optional created by your reaction.
This story shows us that we can't avoid pain in life.
there's always going to be sorrow, stress, and pressure.
But the story we create around it, and how we react to it, turns it into progress or suffering.
A lot of our overthinking is all about why did this happen to me?
Who did this to me?
Why would they do that to me?
And while those are important questions, and I'm not saying to shun them away or hide from them, but we've got to move forward from them, Because otherwise that arrow stays inside of us and that second arrow penetrates even deeper.
When we can shift that story to instead of why is this happening to me all the way through to, well, what can I do about it?
What skill is this asking me to develop?
What is this reminding me that I've forgotten?
What wisdom is inside of this that I need to learn?
As soon as you shift to a solution, proactive approach, You don't have the suffering.
You will always have the pain, you don't have to suffer from it.
Sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible, but when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life.
One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the Small Wins in life.
I encourage my team to pay attention to Small Wins because it helps them see positive outcomes and the steps that they're achieving on the road to a bigger goal.
Use the power of small wins to shift your outlook and you will start to see positive changes.
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I want to share with you insights from a study on acceptance and emotional pain.
Research published in the clinical psychology review in 2016 shows acceptance strategies significantly reduced emotional suffering.
Participants who learned acceptance and mindfulness techniques reported a nearly 50 % reduction in emotional distress and a stronger ability to cope effectively compared to those resisting or trying to avoid that pain.
Just think about it for a second, when you're trying to avoid pain, you actually accumulate more of it.
When you learn to accept pain, you can actually release yourself from it.
It's almost counterintuitive if you think about it.
When you try to avoid pain, you actually think more about the pain.
When you accept the pain, you actually have the ability to move forward and move on.
I want to give you a two -step method to help you do that.
Step one is stop and interrupt the story.
When you feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, visualize a bold, mental, red stop sign.
And you can even say it out loud, Stop.
What is the psychological benefit of this?
It activates the prefrontal cortex, interrupting automatic emotional reactions and giving you mental space.
Usually we have no space between what we experience and how we react.
When you visualize a stop sign, when you even say it out loud to your mind, stop, you actually create space for you to react.
Step two is shift. Shift your mind immediately into a solution -oriented state by asking powerful reframing questions.
For example, what's one helpful thing I can do right now?
How can I see this as an opportunity or learning experience?
And my personal favourite, if I wasn't feeling upset, how would I respond differently?
I love that third one because when we're upset, we often always respond poorly to a situation.
How many times have you said something you didn't want to say because you were upset and later regretted it?
How many times have you done something you didn't want to do because you were upset only to realise later that you wish you held back?
you can create that space in the moment when you stop and shift. The next spiritual principle that can stop you from overthinking is another one from the Bhagavad Gita, where it says the mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
Have you ever felt that a lot of your time is spent fighting people, in your head, in your mind.
You're literally running play by play every conversation you might have with someone.
You want to raise an argument, you wanna solve a discussion, you wanna confront someone.
And often we do none of that in reality, we do it all in our mind.
When you realize that having difficult conversations in reality actually solves the overthinking you do in your mind, you're free from it.
If there's someone that has been annoying you, frustrating you, causing you concern and you feel constantly triggered by them, it's great to write down your thoughts, organize them and then have that conversation in real.
It will save you weeks of complaining, comparing, criticizing, venting, which we can do again and again and again about the same person.
Let it go and move on.
The final spiritual truth I wanted to share with you, is don't delay what can be done today.
How many of you put off replying to that message because you're scared of confrontation or a disagreement, but then forget to reply at all?
How many of you keep saying, next week will be the week that I start to take on that new habit?
We're constantly postponing and delaying what can be done today.
You can change your life by one decision, one choice, and one moment if you simply do today what doesn't need to be delayed.
One of the biggest things I see is when we don't want to let someone down.
Someone invites you to something and you put off the RSVP to the last minute.
You know, you didn't want to go, but you waited till the night before, the moment before, now that person's upset, right?
The truth is, true kindness lies in clarity of intention, not silence out of fear.
When you're tempted not to respond for fear of disappointing someone, remember that compassion isn't about avoiding discomfort.
It's about expressing your truth with grace.
If you don't message someone back because you don't want to let them down, you just let them down by not messaging them back.
Chances are you messaging them last minute is gonna let them down even more than if you explained how you felt weeks before when you received the message.
Don't let the fear of letting someone down block you from communicating your truth.
Communicate your reasons honestly yet gently.
This works because your clarity transforms misunderstanding into deeper connection.
it shifts the focus from rejection to mutual respect and authenticity.
I hope that these spiritual truths make a difference in your life and help you stop overthinking.
I hope that you'll listen to this again.
Make notes, try out some of the exercises, and watch how your life changes.
I'm Jay Shetty, thank you for listening to On Purpose, and remember, I'm forever in your corner, and I'm always rooting for you.
If you love this episode, episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of.
The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom.
And I just want to keep doing that.
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