Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Crust Podcast.
I'm Jisoo. And I'm Crystal. I think usually whenever we do episodes about relationships and like sticky relationship situations, It always does really well.
So we thought we would approach this in a different angle and talk about sticky friendship situations.
Because let's face it, friendships, relationships, they're very similar at the end of the day.
And there's always room for weirdness or just things that happen in the nuances of relationships that make you take a pause and think about what to do.
So we thought we would come with some interesting situations and put ourselves in these hypothetical shoes.
But the first one, I think Crystal, only you can answer.
So I'm going to start off with this. How do you react or what would you say or do if you found out your friend was dating your sibling?
Oh my god. Are they like a close friend?
Let's say they're pretty close. Ooh, okay.
I think I would have initial shock. Like really?
My brother? But then also like low-key, I think it was during high school.
I was like, if my brother were to date anyone, though, low-key dating a friend is kind of lit because you would see them all the time.
But you know, I think it's just weird either way, because then you would see your friend in a different way.
Like you would see them in a relationship, not only that, but like at family events too.
Yeah. True. It's a little weird to like wrap your head around.
And then the other part is weird because you'll see your sibling act in a very relationshipy way. oh my god i guess it goes both ways too because like you said your friend would come to all the holidays like thanksgiving whatever But also at your friend hangouts, especially if your close friend is in the same friend group, would you have to see your brother all the time?
Oh, my God. Wait, you're freaking right.
I guess there's also always the case of if something goes wrong or maybe your friend and your brother have a fight.
You would definitely always be the go-to because I know your brother would be like, Crystal, like, I need your help. trying to understand what she wants or like how she's feeling right now.
And then your friend would probably go to you, I would assume.
And be like, okay, can you give me some more context about like why your brother is acting like this or like what he wants right now?
Yeah. So it would just put you in a weird spot.
All I could say is damn, I don't know, man.
Okay, but I do think because my brother and I are not too different in age, he's only two years older.
If he were to date one of my peers, It's not that bad.
It's someone who's my age who I would probably be able to get along with and all of that. ultimately it's not a bad thing but it would be weird if it was like a close friend That's true.
Do you think it would change anything for you if this relationship was kept a secret and then you found out accidentally?
Or if they like came and approached you and sat you down and like talked you through it.
Whoa. I guess I would probably wonder why it was kept a secret because I don't think I would be mad or anything.
I'd probably just be like, whoa, okay, I guess.
I guess the only reason would be maybe they want to test it out and make sure it's legit before looping in important people in their lives.
That's fair. I guess this is also a little hard to imagine just because I can't imagine anyone in like our friend group dating my brother.
You're like pulling in your social network, comparing it to your brother's preferences.
I'm like, I don't know if the girls would want to date him, and I don't know if he would want to date those girls.
Ooh, okay, you know what? Do you think it changes anything if we reverse the situation?
So say you started dating one of your brother's friends.
Oh my god. Like how would he react? Dude, I actually don't know.
In like high school, for example, people that I was friends with who are also friends with my brother... were usually girls.
They wouldn't really be dudes. Oh. Because I never befriended his guy friends before.
Yeah. Or we never had like mutual guy friends, I guess.
But I guess I have dated people in his year.
And he didn't really have much of a reaction to that.
You guys are the most nonchalant siblings ever, so this kind of makes sense.
I could totally envision you both being, like, K.
And just leaving it at that. That's like the full convo.
Okay. Yeah, I actually have no idea how my brother would react if it was like one of his friends.
He'd probably be like, what the fuck? My theory is he would be like, what the fuck?
Okay, I guess. Wait, Jisoo, do you have any cousins around this area, like in the States or anything?
Yeah, I do. Okay, what if you dated one of your cousin's friends or your cousin dated one of your friends?
I think it would be really weird. My cousins in the US, they're not direct cousins of mine.
We're still cool, but they're not really, really close family.
So I guess it's kind of different, but I think what you said before resonates of like, you're so used to seeing these people as family or like as just friends and then to mix them in the different categories is really weird.
Yeah. I feel like it would work out well if you knew these two would be a good match.
Oh, true, true. And you were good friends with them and you're excited for them to like join the family because... but not just for your selfish reasons of them joining the family because they're also compatible.
Damn, honestly, it's probably a good thing that I'm an only child.
Or maybe I can only say this because I'm an only child.
But I feel like if I had a sibling, I would constantly be trying to match me.
Oh my god. If they were ever single, I would be like, you should talk to my friend or try to set them up with people just all the time.
In high school, I think I jokingly offered up my brother to friends before.
But like very jokingly. Yeah. Because once I started thinking about it more like, oh my God, would I actually want these people to date?
I think it could be nice in a way of like always having a bestie at family gatherings.
Yeah, that's true. If anything, you have the leg up on your sibling.
Like you're closer to their significant other than they even are.
True. You have ammo now. Okay, so next question.
And this is kind of a tough one. Your best friend confessed to you that she is cheating on her SO.
What do you do? Oh, my God. Am I close to the SO?
Ooh. Let's say you're, like... Decently close.
Okay, that makes it harder. Because I feel like on the one side, if you're not really close to the S.O., then it's easier to just focus on talking to your friend.
Hey, I think... you should figure this out and talk to your SO and come clean or take the appropriate steps to like not make such a tangled up mess.
But if you're close to both parties, then it's like you want your friend to do the right thing.
But then part of you wants to tell the SO that's your friend too.
Right. And then it's like, oh God, what is the right steps to take here?
That's a really good point because the genders could always be reversed too.
Or depending on who you're closer with, there's always that kind of expectation of allegiance a sense or loyalty or you know at the very least it's like if someone else knew that I got cheated on, I would also want to know.
And that feeling is mutual for a lot of people.
So it would be tough. Do you think you would have to do the thing of, okay, if you don't tell this person soon, I would feel obligated to tell that person.
Yeah, I think that's a powerful move. It's a good one.
But then also I think you have to be prepared for the shit show that's about to go down.
Ooh, yeah. Because now you're one of the people who knows.
So you also have to mentally prepare. One of these people might come to you now.
It's so messy. Clear your schedule. Honestly, stuff like this, I think takes such an emotional toll on you.
Even if you're not a really involved party, just like the act of knowing can be a lot of pressure sometimes.
Yeah, for sure. I think I would just really mull on how to approach this situation because the person being cheated on, I would want them to... to know, to somehow find out.
Ideally, it's through a conversation with their partner but like can't be leaving a fellow girl in a bad situation like that.
Yeah, this one is kind of tough. I mean, I think part of me is also Wondering though, ideally everyone would be open and honest and communicative with each other, but there are times where it doesn't flow that way.
The last thing that I would want to do is throw myself in there.
So if I'm being fully honest, there are definitely going to be times where I would not tell the SO.
And I would just do what I think I should say to my friend to support that person and then just like leave it at that.
Maybe try to guide your friend, the one who confessed, to a hopefully good direction of what they should do next. but you can't control your friend and you can't control the outcome.
And I think what's really scary is Say you give a piece of advice to your friend and then they'd carry it out and then what happens is not what your friend wanted in the first place. or it just like spirals out of control and becomes like a whole situation which since the cheating it already has been a situation but I wouldn't want the consequences to fall back on me as a friend as well.
That's fair. That's fair. You don't want to get dragged into the mess and like blamed or something like that.
Yeah, yeah. So I think I would suss it out.
What do I think this couple needs? And then just say my piece.
If I'm really, really close to the S.O., then I would definitely have to give it another thought.
But if we're like close, but only through the friend, I probably wouldn't say something.
Yeah, that's true. It's like, I don't want to give you some sort of lecture on like morals, but maybe I'll just share my thoughts because this person brought the situation. up like oh well you know maybe this is like something you need to think about more like what does this mean you know oh but I have a question would you monitor the situation like would you follow up on it oh dude i wish i could say i wouldn't but i totally would I mean, I think the reality is that unfortunately, once you tell someone of anything, they can't help but keep that in their memories.
True. And this is the whole thing of when you see someone that you haven't seen in a long time and then you chat with them, sometimes the things that your friend would bring up about you to like catch up with you might be something that happened years ago that's like irrelevant to you now.
But because they only know you in the context of your conversations, you can't help but talk about it.
Which is why I think sometimes when you see high school friends or college friends, you often bring up memories of high school days or college days and whatnot.
And I think this is the same thing. Every time I would see this person, at least for a little bit, I might think about what happened.
You're like, oh my God, this person's a cheater.
I think I would just be like, I need to know what happened next or something.
That's fair. That's like a natural curiosity, I think.
Okay, actually, I'm gonna make it hard now.
Imagine it was me. I was like, dude, G-Soup.
I, like, cheated on my partner. Oh, God.
What do I do? Oh god. Imagine I just drop it in our group chat.
You're like, hey guys, guess what Crystal told me.
I think I would just be like, you should tell him.
And then if you didn't, I would just leave it at that.
Honestly. You're like, Crystal will come around eventually, right?
Here's how I come to terms with it in my brain.
Yeah. The goal is resolution. Right. So say you guys resolved it and you didn't tell him or like you resolved whatever it was. then maybe it's okay. i don't know this makes me sound horrible but it's like at the end of the day i'm your friend and your boyfriend is really great but you're like my main client you know Oh my God.
Okay, no, that's fair. I think like there's only so much you can do.
And as you said before, you can't control your friends.
You can share your thoughts because they brought a problem to you.
But at the end of the day, yeah, it sounds kind of bad, but it's true.
You're probably going to waste more emotional energy worrying about your friend doing what you would want them to do, rather than kind of trusting them to learn through the experience themselves.
Because sometimes it's like someone has to go through it to truly understand what they should or shouldn't do in the future.
I totally agree and I honestly think it changes as we grow older too.
One is just because you told me that something happened, it doesn't mean you want me to solve all your problems.
And it also doesn't mean that I am, I guess, allowed to just air your dirty laundry out, even if it is to your SO.
I might not know if you guys even talked about it and resolved it.
You don't owe me that information just because you told me what initially happened.
And I think the other thing is... As we get older, I think the weight of your friends' advice or the weight of your friends in your life gets a little bit lighter and lighter.
Like in high school, I think if you were to ask me this, I would be like, yeah, maybe I would tell the other person.
But now I don't know. It's like it's your life.
And there's like more complications that you might not know.
And if you like brought something up, okay, like low key, what if cheating was like part of someone's relationship?
Yeah, it could be like an open relationship.
Or like your fetish or something. And you just like didn't know because you only know this one piece of the puzzle.
And then you're like trying to out them.
And then the other person's like... I don't want to hear this.
I know it, but I don't need someone to be like tattling on me.
Yeah. I think there's like it's such a careful balance of like meddling in someone's life and trying to like enact maybe your own sense of righteousness versus like trying to be a helpful friend in a situation.
Right. I think that's the perfect way to put it.
I don't feel like there's a right answer to this.
It's so ambiguous, I think, what you're supposed to do.
And it's also ambiguous what being a good friend would look like in this situation.
Yeah. hand you could push for your friend to live an honest life or whatever you think is right in your head but also The consequences of that, that's also a cross that you have to bear if you throw yourself in the situation.
So I don't know. And I think it's also completely fair if a friend told you that they're cheating on you. people and then that kind of changes your perception of them so you like distance yourself from them Yeah.
Sometimes that's like the best solution even.
That is true. Do you think... i'm like almost scared to ask this but for you we're obviously close but you and james also have your own friendship as well You guys know each other from like high school too.
So what do you think you would do? Oh God.
Wait, who's telling me? I want to hear what you do for both situations.
Oh my god. Okay. Wait, this is tough. Okay.
Knowing both of you, I feel like cheating is something that you would both want to know.
So I think I would just really ask a lot of questions, whoever came to me.
I'd be like, uh? first question uh what how did this happen right what is the situation Why did it happen?
I would probably try to get all the details and see like what is going on here because I just I know the other person would want to know.
I guess once I get more details, I'll be like, I don't know, man.
I don't know either. I also can't imagine it.
You guys just wouldn't. So I'm thinking like if it happened, it must have been some like crazy like story, crazy accident or, you know, something of that sort. maybe you guys should get therapy.
You're like, this is above my pay grade.
Like, have you considered couples therapy?
Do you think you would have to do the ultimatum of, if you don't tell this person, I will?
I think I would say something like, take your time, but if it starts becoming a really long process, time and the other person is just like not knowing of any of this it might start to feel a bit wrong because the hurt will only be worse further down the line.
They'll be like, oh, like... this happened and you kept me like, I feel so stupid for walking around for a year, not knowing, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'm like now imagining just us at like a friend group gathering or something, and then you trying to see if the other person knows yet.
So what do you guys all think of cheating?
Anything crazy happen lately? Oh my god.
Please don't. Please don't ever put me in that situation.
You look so stressed out from the hypothetical.
Yeah. I'm like, guys, can you please never cheat on each other?
Let's ban cheating. Okay, let me ask something more lighthearted.
Okay, thank God. And more friendship related.
I think this is also something that happens somewhat often, but let's say you meet your friend's other best friend.
You see them interact and you're like, damn, they seem really close to each other in a way that's maybe similar in some ways, different in other ways to your friendship with this friend.
How would you feel? And do you think you would do something or act differently at all?
Is this friend A, you know, your initial friend?
Are they my best friend too? Yeah. Let's say they're like a top three friend.
MySpace top three. And then Friend B is their top three friends.
Yes, yes. Dang. Okay, this is tough. I think it's inevitable to kind of compare a little bit and be like, damn, like, they know a lot.
But I think it also depends on how friend A acts.
Are they now just attached to the hip with friend B leaving you out?
Or are they being really inclusive and everyone is involved, even though there's these differences and potential comparisons, you're still all hanging out, having a good time.
That's actually a really interesting way to put it.
I wouldn't think first about friend A's behavior, but you're totally right.
There are times where it's not awkward at all because the middle person handles it really well.
But other times it can feel a little bit like you watch one friendship and then you watch another friendship and then your friendship is live.
You know, it's like flipping through the channels.
Yeah. Okay, I guess that means that also friend B's behavior as well as your own behavior matters here too.
Are you vying for friend A's attention too hard or is friend B coming on to friend A too hard?
Leaving you feeling left out. Do you think there's like a foolproof strategy?
Is there something that you can do in this situation to kind of beat out the other vibes and like set the tone?
I think just trying your best to probably assume good intent and act unbothered if you feel like...
Someone is being like, I don't know, territorial or something.
Yeah, yeah. And then I think if you show unbotheredness and emotional maturity in this situation, then the only person really getting bothered is the other person, right?
Friend B. Yeah, it's not a competition if there's only one person in the competition.
Yeah, how would you handle it? oh dude this is i think hard for me this is something that i personally struggle with i don't know how to do the like juggling this stuff doesn't come naturally i think to me yeah so i think i would just feel jealous Wait, it's okay.
I think I felt that way too. But then like I had to literally self-reflect and like come to terms.
That's just how things are. You know, like people just have other friends too.
Okay, I will say it's a lot easier now that I'm not 19.
Wait, yeah, that's true. Or like even younger.
Yeah, I feel like this happened more in like high school, maybe even college. yeah maybe part of it is just as you grow older and people go to different colleges for example or have their own set of friends for like different niche parts of their life, you accept that everyone has all these other circles.
And it's just becomes a part of life. But I think when I was younger, it was like truly hard for me to understand.
And I think I was very territorial. If I think back.
I feel like that's very understandable I think I've definitely had moments of jealousy with friends as well like damn what the I thought I was your best friend.
Yeah, there's such a big emphasis on like best friendship, especially in middle school.
I think is when best friends really mattered.
Yeah. There would be people that like you're known to hang out with.
And then it's like kind of a big deal if they're hanging out with someone new, I guess.
Yeah, and I feel like that especially happened in the beginning of like the school year when You get a new class schedule, you get different seatmates or whatever.
And then when you watch your best friend hit it off with someone else, you're like...
That was me last year. Remember during that?
Yeah. I think another perspective of this though, that I feel like I was able to feel more when I got older, was seeing people be close and thinking, oh, that's so nice that this person was able to find a really good friend. that they share such and such together with.
Yeah, very true. Maybe this feels more relevant now that we're going to bachelorettes and more weddings and stuff.
One of the best feelings is when you go to a bachelorette and then you see your close friends, other close friends, and you're like, wait, we like vibe so well.
Yeah. Like we're all very different, but the vibe is so good.
Like the energy is so high and you can start to sort of fit the puzzle pieces together of your friend's life. yeah like when this person's not with me she's with this person and they have such a great time in this way but in that sense i think seeing the differences in your friendship Feels like a celebration.
Oh, I must fill this niche while this person fills this other niche.
For sure. And I think it also is validating in a sense because you're like, oh, yeah, I vibe with their other friends. obviously that means you know we're all similar and like right it checks out that these people are her friends too Yeah.
It would probably be weird if like you met someone, someone's other friends and like you all hated each other.
True. That would be horrendous vibes. You'd probably be like, wait, what?
Like, does this person have different personalities?
Why are all the friends so different? yeah I guess that would be a different situation to navigate in itself I don't think I would feel jealous but I think I would also have different complicated feelings about it as well Oh my God.
Then speaking of this, what if your friend, friend A, had another friend, friend B? that you thought was not a good friend to Frenday.
Oh, maybe you feel like they treat them poorly or maybe they have like certain behaviors that you feel are. unfair to Frenday or maybe there's like some toxicity there or something like that.
Do you think you would do anything about it?
Ugh, god. This one is truly like, what can you even do, you know?
I might bring it up. in a subtle way, if possible.
I mean, as subtle as you can honestly be.
But I might bring it up and be like, oh, it's kind of funny that this person does this.
Have you ever noticed that? And like see if that's something that they had felt.
But if they were like, oh... I didn't notice or like that doesn't really bother me.
I think I would just drop it and be like, okay, well, clearly this is something that's okay for them, like not a deal breaker.
So what more can I do? That's fair. Especially if they're like, that's just how they are.
Like, they're unbothered about it. Because French's are complicated.
Yeah, they are. What would you do? I've actually done this before in a relationship where I thought like a friend was not being a great friend.
I didn't really say anything because I felt like the friendship was still good.
And there were qualities that were still really great.
But I think at a certain point, I felt like this one quality was causing stress.
So I like brought it up a little bit as gently as I could.
Okay, so basically the situation was like this...
Friend B didn't really ever reciprocate in, for example, like coming to friend A to hang out. even though friend B had the means to, like a car or that kind of stuff.
Yeah. But friend A had to like jump through hoops to get to friend B and they would constantly be doing that.
And so it was like sometimes a little stressful, like planning it and stuff.
So then I think I just like brought it up gently, like, oh, what if you asked friend B to come here, you know, to come to you?
I don't remember if anything came of it, but I was like, well, that's the best I can do for now.
You're like, that's that. I almost feel like it's easier to bring it up in a relationship because...
I don't know. In some ways, your SO's friends directly affect your life as well.
So then I feel like there's a little bit more grounds that you might have.
Right. And it's also your beloved person's mental health or time or just like a lot of things that actually end up impacting you too.
But with a friend, I feel like it's a little bit uncharted territory or something that's a little bit more rough to navigate.
That's true. Yeah, I guess like unless your friend A is... complaining to you and like asking for a solution there's not much you can really do except maybe offer a suggestion or like a piece of advice Yeah.
That they are free to either ignore or accept.
I think even that situation is sometimes funny too.
Like when a friend is ranting about their friend and say it's someone that you also... saw these red flags from a mile away, there's always the hesitation of, do I go in on this person?
Or should I just be like, oh, like maybe you should talk to them.
Maybe you guys should try to sort it out.
Or you're like, dude, I knew it. Yeah. Yeah.
It's like, how far do you open the floodgates?
It's kind of like that thing where people say when people just break up, You don't want to like go in on their ex because what if they get back together and then you're the friend who like shat on their ex for a month straight or something.
Gotta like reel it back a little bit. Keep it light until you know it's permanent.
Yeah. Although I think sometimes it could almost be the opposite.
So let's say you have a friend who... you have a bad history with like you might not be friends anymore or you might be like acquaintances but you know some shit has gone down between you and this person a long time ago but what if you see your really close friend friend a again i guess yeah Become close friends with this person you have beef with.
Friend beef or beef. Oh, yeah. Friend beef.
Okay, I think this really depends... Was your beef really serious or was it like kind of minor, just like whatever high school drama or something like that, that you can get over?
Or were they like beating you up on the school grounds or something?
You know what I mean? Okay, let's say it was not super serious, but let's say it's a little bit more recent than high school.
Say stuff went down between you and this person when you were like 24, 25.
So for us, that's already like three, four years ago.
Would you bring it up to your friend? Hmm.
That is tough. Okay, let me think. But it's not too serious, right?
Like the beef? Yeah. Okay. Let's say this person was talking shit about you and then you found out, but you thought you guys were super close.
Damn. That's kind of serious. Damn. Okay, actually, this is really tough.
And friend A is like, oh my god, I just met this person and they're awesome, right?
Yeah, yeah. Oh, you used to be friends with this person, right?
Okay. If it's early enough, maybe I would just be like, oh, yeah, they were cool, but they were mean to me. but if you want to be friends with them it's chill I guess also there's an element of like, I think I should trust friend A.
If friend B started talking shit about me to friend A, friend A would probably be like, wait, what?
Like, this seems unreasonable. Or this... shit that you're talking maybe isn't it's like overblown or whatever but then if friend A just like goes along with friend B then maybe friend A wasn't that great of a friend to begin with.
Oh, interesting. You're kind of like, what will happen will happen.
And then after a bit of time, you can see where the loyalties lie, I guess.
Yeah. I think that's like ideal, right?
But what actually happens is not always the ideal situation.
True, true, true. So like, you know, maybe I'm more compelled to be like, oh yeah, like this person's chill, but like they're kind of mean to me.
So I don't know. And then, you know, maybe just leave it at that.
Some subtle nudge. Yeah. So if your friend was like, wait, really?
Like, that's crazy what happened. Do you tell them the full thing?
I think I would tell them a simplified version.
I would just be like, oh, I don't know. I guess we disagreed on something.
And then they started talking shit about me. to all their friends.
Something like that. Ooh, okay. Dude, I think you're a nicer person than I am because I would definitely be like, dude you should watch out like this shit went down between us and i was like super hurt by it Okay, actually that's true.
Like depends on how hurt I was probably.
Like if it's something I can get over now, I'd probably just like say it lightly and like maybe mention it.
But if it was something that actually affected me a lot, I would probably be closer to what you said.
Similar. It feels so much more real thinking about the beef being just like a couple of years ago, you know, and not like high school drama.
I guess the other factor too is how close friend A and friend B seem.
True. Because I do think there's like a sweet spot.
If they're already really close, there's not really a point of bringing it up unless I'm asked about it.
Or unless something happens between them and then they come to me, then I might be compelled to be like, oh my God, maybe this is like a pattern.
This happened to me as well. But if they're like already bestie status, posting stuff together all the time, like always hanging out, then...
Is there a point of even bringing it up?
True. Because maybe that person just beefed with you.
But like they're not bringing it into their friendship with friend A. That's like totally fine then I feel like.
It was just you and friend be buttheads, but they're not making it into everything.
Maybe. they were just incompatible with you but they're like a super good friend to friend A then I wouldn't want to deprive friend A of that just because I have scars from this person.
Yeah, that's true. But you'd be like, don't bring friend B around too much.
Oh, dude, that's such a good point. Damn.
No, yeah. That would be a problem. Yeah, would you play nice if friend B got invited to a group hang?
Dude, I don't even know. I think it would depend on my mood at the time and also the size of the group.
Because if it's like a big thing, there's like 15, 20 people, then do I even have to do anything other than like say hi?
But if it was like an intimate group, say like, I think even up to like eight people, it's pretty intimate.
I would probably put on my best poker face.
Oh my God. Or would you just be like, oh, sorry, I can't make it.
Ooh. I think it would be a coin toss. okay thoughts on this friend b comes to friend a's birthday party so you have to be there And, you know, like you and friend B are not good, but friend B is like playing super nice with you.
Oh, God. I think I would match the vibes.
Like, oh my God, how have you been? You have to, right?
Yeah. Yeah. But would you feel like it's fake, do you think?
Or would you be like, oh, maybe the beef is in the past?
Oh, I think for me, if we didn't talk through it, it's not in the past.
Okay. It's gonna be just ongoing slash dormant or whatever if we didn't address it and then get closure from the situation. so if friend B came up to me and did the whole like oh my god have you been like it's been so long well and then we like talked through it afterwards I would definitely be like bitch.
Oh my god. I'm dying. I don't know. Maybe I'm just petty.
What would you do? It would depend on how friend B acted throughout the night.
Because sometimes you can see through a fake facade.
Right. And if it's like more genuine. But I think in the moment I would play nice too, probably.
Yeah, because like, what else can you do?
Yeah, it's one of those things where there's no point starting drama, but at the same time, I can't help how I feel.
For you, if you felt like there wasn't a facade, they were actually being super friendly. would you find it within you to like forgive them?
Or how would your emotions play out through the night?
Ooh, I guess maybe in my mind, I'd be like, oh, maybe our beef was like not a big deal.
I guess they forgot about it. And I'd be like, okay, I guess maybe I'll try to think that way too.
And then see how it goes. But you're right.
I think it would be a little weird if like, you know, maybe you start back this friendship up, but they like never mentioned the beef in the past.
And like you two don't. hash it out and say sorry to each other it might be a little weird to like build that friendship off of unresolved matters.
Out of the ashes of your old fridge. Yeah.
But I feel like if say, you know, during this birthday party, you were in the bathroom or something in line for the bathroom.
And then friend B comes up and joins you in the line.
And then is like, hey, by the way, I just wanted to say I know in the past We've had our differences, but that's all in the past.
Then I'd be like, oh, okay. I feel like that's probably a pretty good restarting point.
It sounds so simple when we talk about it because truly, I think all it takes sometimes is for one person to just be like, look, that was really shitty, I am not happy with how we ended things, or I really miss you, or just say something mildly emotional to address everything that went down in the past.
And then I feel like within 30 seconds, you can both kind of move on from it and either restart something or at least not end on bad terms.
Yeah. I think it would take a lot out of me.
I think it would take a lot of courage. And a lot of bathroom pep talk for me to do that.
So I guess it's just one of those things that sounds simple, but it's not.
Completely agree. Because I think on friend B's side, if, like, say friend B needed to apologize, it can be scary.
Yeah. You're like, oh, what if I like apologize?
But then it like upsets them more. Right.
Or just brings up the past. Yeah, I know.
I think I would think a million things. Am I the only one who felt like this was a big deal and this person is clearly over it?
Is it even worth it? mentioning or what if I bring it up and they start crying or there's so many different ways the situation could go.
But honestly, I think most people in that situation would be able to just be like, yeah, it's fine.
And just resolve it then and there. Mm-hmm.
The ideal versus the actual. Okay, but what if?
Let's continue the storyline with friend B and friend A.
Let's say you and friend B, you got that beef.
And then friend B tells something to friend A. about like a situation that happened before where you and friend B were both there.
And then friend A is like, oh my god, dude, like, I just got, I just heard this crazy story, like...
This juicy gossip, like, let me share with you.
And they start telling you this story. And you're like, wait, where did you hear that?
That's like wrong. This is what actually happened.
Wait, so it's me and friend B telling friend A different stories, right?
Yes. So like, what would I do? Yes, you're hearing that friend A is getting, I don't know, maybe skewed info or not quite what you thought was true info. dude honestly i think i would put my well i already am beefing with this person anyway so fuck it i would be like that's so cap Also, I just have to say, since like four scenarios ago, I have like actual faces and locations in my head.
Oh my god. Like friend A has a face. We're at like J.Sue's place.
Okay. The birthday party is at J.Sue's place.
Yeah. But yeah, dude, I think I would put my foot down and be like, well, this is what I remember, or like, I was there and this is what I feel like happened, but I guess it is one of those things where my perception of something is truly just my perception.
I might be projecting or I might be misremembering stuff, so...
There's only so much you could push the issue, but I think I would say something to friend A and be like, I don't know if everything you heard is completely accurate.
Hmm, okay. Yeah, I guess there's nothing else really except just sharing your side.
Although I will say it puts friend A in a really interesting spot because I don't know, if two of your closest friends came to you about a situation and the stories were really different, what would you do?
Hmm. As friend A, I suppose I would... I guess I would just try to pick out whatever pieces... sounded the most reasonable, most plausible even.
Or I guess sometimes it could just be like different perspectives that they're sharing.
So then it's like, oh, okay, I guess like this person was just like really hurt in this situation.
So they felt like this is what happened and that person was unbothered.
So this is what they like saw slash felt.
Yeah, true. Yeah, I guess I would just be like, wow, cool.
I have so many perspectives of the story.
You got like a 360 view of something that happened.
But like if they told me to choose sides, then I'd be like, wait.
I never agreed to this. Oh, interesting.
Yeah, I guess that is also complicated because sometimes you do have to... sort of serve as a neutral party between two people that may not hate each other, but are not neutral or positive to each other.
What are some ways you think you try to stay super neutral when something like this happens?
I think I try to keep all the differing parties separated.
Like, I will not bring them together. Yeah.
What if your friend comes to you and starts talking shit about your other close friend?
How do you toe that balance between being a supportive ear to your friend who is ranting to you, but also not... involving yourself or having that person feel validated in their shit talking of your other close friend.
This is tough. Dude, I don't know. I think I would try to defend the other friend in some ways.
If, you know, let's call them friend C or friend R, friend ranter.
Okay, okay. So friend R is like shitting on, I don't know, friend A or something.
I'd probably be like, oh, but like... I know Friend A and, like, they probably wouldn't do this and that without reason or, like, you know, have you ever...
You know, maybe this is what was going on or blah, blah, blah.
But I think like if they're just like really going in on it on Friday, I'd probably be like...
Dude, you can't talk to me about this stuff.
I'm close to friend A. What do you expect me to do here?
Yeah, that's true. There is a certain line that you can't cross.
You can only be supportive of so much without feeling like you're in enemy territory or something.
And I'd probably be like, wait, how is friend R my friend if they're like shitting on my other friend so hard?
True. And they should know that I'm close with this person if they're my friend.
So why are they shitting on them? So I think I would start to reevaluate why is this person my, like, how did this happen?
Like, that's a good point because it's like ranting about your own emotions is one thing but also I mean, one, know your audience and also two, you don't want to put your friend in a bad spot, which they clearly are doing. because you're kind of a bad friend either way or like you will feel like you're being a bad friend no matter what direction you go.
Yeah. So I think that's totally valid. Something that I feel like could work is if you talked about the action that was happening, but not on like the character attack.
Because I think it's fair to be like, oh, I don't know why this person did this.
That kind of sucked. And I can see how you could take it a certain way. but you don't have to join in or agree when they're like, oh, this person's insert whatever name calling here or like character attacks of, oh, I feel like this person is doing this because they're a shitty friend and blah, blah.
Like that is where I would draw the line.
I think in some occasions it's okay to be like, yeah, I think it's, shitty that this person did this action and I'm sorry that it affected you in this way.
Yeah, that's a good middle ground. Yeah, that was shitty of them to do.
But that's where we end the conversation.
But I will go no further than that. Before we wrap up the episode, I want to talk about a less serious topic and a more funny, lighthearted one.
I always feel like it's really fun slash funny to hang out with my friend and their SO.
And then I always feel like their child when I do that.
True. How do you feel about those kinds of situations?
Well, I totally agree. But other times I feel like their mom.
I don't know how to describe it. I honestly think it depends like whose house you're at.
Oh, okay. and then also if you're going somewhere who's driving sometimes i'll feel like the kid if say we're at their house or like they're the ones driving yeah but if they're at my house or i'm the one driving i'm like get in kids we're like welcome in kids Wait, I feel like it adds to the vibe too sometimes because if you're going out with like a couple, they'll be like, oh, like we got you.
And then I'm like, oh. mom dad wait do you ever feel like the entertainment oh like when you hang out with a couple sometimes i'm like i feel like the court jester or something Putting on a show for my fans.
Oh my god. Wait, I never thought about that.
Maybe a little bit. They're like, oh, so what new fun things do you have to share?
Because I see this guy every day. Right, right.
Or say you're going out with your friend and their SO.
How do you guys sit at like a restaurant or a bar or something?
Oh. I think they sit next to each other and I sit facing them.
Okay, then that's truly court jester. Dinner and a show kind of vibe.
Because usually I think I sit across from...
The person I'm closer to. But I also feel the most like a kid when it's like they're driving and you know, they're up in the front two seats and I'm just in the backseat by myself.
You start playing like the raindrop game, you know, on the window.
I think it's also interesting situations because there's like a couple of couples that this happens with a lot. where like I'll meet up with them or I'll hang out with them and it's like just them two and me and I'm like their child.
And they're also a little older than us.
So I think that adds to it. Have you ever experienced, you're used to third wheeling this friend at their SO and then they like have a new SO and you hang out with them for the first time.
Do you ever feel like it's... weird or different vibes oh okay i think this happened like one time And because of how the breakup went down, I was unbothered.
I was like, oh yeah, that breakup was justified.
This new guy? Great. But yeah, I guess a lot of the couples that I hang out with, sometimes as like one with two people, they're like long-term couples.
They're like 10 plus years. So I'd be pretty shocked if they broke up, I think.
Yeah, yeah. I guess this was maybe more of an occurrence when we were younger, but I just remember my friend got a new SO and we were hanging out and I just had this moment of like, whoa.
It used to be a different man on the passenger seat.
Oh, my God. Okay, yeah. Are you then a child of divorce?
Well, I think it's also interesting to see your friend interact with different people in their lives and see how like the relationship can be so vastly different.
I think each relationship brings out a different aspect of someone.
So then observing that front row seats to that is kind of crazy. well when you hang out with someone if it's you and james and then one person hanging out with you do you feel like they're parents Kind of.
But at the same time, I think a lot of our friends are like equally our friends.
So then it feels more just like us back in college or something.
You know what I mean? Yeah. We revert back to our youth.
Wait, oh my God. You know what the funniest thing is?
So one of my friends who... is in a long-term relationship and I often hang out with them as like just me.
So I always joke with them like, oh my God, mom and dad.
And then one time they posted on Instagram and like three other people commented mom and dad.
And I was like. That's crazy. I thought I was an only child.
It was your one chance at only childhood.
I was like, hold up. I think I even texted her.
I was like, dude. How many people are your kid, huh?
How many mom and dad roles do you play? Did you feel like you were getting cheated on?
Dude, this is a callback to that jealousy question.
I was actually very shocked. Initially, I was like, oh my God, other people have the audacity to comment.
Mom and dad? And then I was like, you know what?
That's just how they are. I'm sure it's natural that many people are like, oh my God, mom and dad.
That's so funny. Did you start stalking their profiles?
Like, I'm a better kid than you are. No, but I was just like, damn.
That's crazy. Dude, that's like the perfect way to summarize friendships sometimes.
Like something happens and you're just like, that's crazy.
And then you move on with your life. Also, so this couple has a dog, and when they first adopted the dog, I was like, oh, my God, my sibling.
So I was like, dude, like... Are other people this dog sibling like?
That is so funny. I'm sure you're their most favorite kid.
I hope so. Well, we talked through a ton of hypotheticals today, both serious and silly.
So thank you, Crystal, for putting your imagination cap on and walking through all of these sticky friendship situations with me.
For any of our listeners out there, if you feel like you agree with the way we would react to stuff or you have a wildly different response to any of these hypotheticals, then feel free to hit us up.
We have Instagram at eatyourcrispod and we also have email eatyourcrispod at gmail.com.
And don't forget to follow us on Apple podcasts, Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts.
We upload new episodes every other Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening. And don't forget to eat your crust.
