I post a lot of things on the internet, but one of the things I post about the most is my personal style, both intentionally and unintentionally.
Intentionally, when I take a cute photo in an outfit and post it on my Instagram, and unintentionally, when I just happen to be recording a podcast episode or a YouTube video and I just happen to be wearing a particular outfit, with my makeup done a certain way and my hairstyle a certain way.
Both intentionally and unintentionally, I'm constantly sharing my personal style with the internet.
And, as with all things that are posted on the internet, some of the responses to my personal style are really positive.
People love it, people are inspired by it, and they appreciate it.
But there are also some people who absolutely hate it, don't get it, think I'm an idiot and think I look like shit.
That's just the nature of the internet.
And listen, I am sensitive about certain negative comments towards me on the internet.
That does bother me sometimes.
I'm a particularly sensitive person and I take people's words to heart.
And I'm not sitting down here today and saying no comments ever bother me.
I got thick skin and I've learned over the years how to handle it and it never bothers me.
I'm not sitting down here today and saying that.
However, I am sitting here today and saying that I don't care when people don't like my personal style.
And trust me. there are people who do not like my personal style.
I get comments all the time about my haircut, okay?
I have a little pixie that's bleach blonde.
I get comments all the time like, ew, this haircut is hideous.
You should grow your hair out and go back to your old hair.
I miss the old Emma.
This Emma's ugly.
Or ew, this haircut makes Emma look like an old lady.
Or ew, this is the downfall of Emma.
She's ugly now.
Like whatever.
I get comments like that all the time about my hair and about my clothing.
I get negative comments all the time too, about how I dress like a grandma, how my style doesn't make sense anymore, how I used to dress so much better and now my style sucks.
I get criticized for my personal style all the time and I don't care at all.
Now I'm not here just saying I don't care at all, to say a fuck you to everybody who's criticizing my personal style.
That's pointless.
That's not why I'm here.
I'm sitting here today to share with you all how I got to this point where I don't care what people think about my personal style and I'm able to wear whatever I want, do whatever I want to my appearance and let all criticism roll off my back.
Because Because this is not how I've always been okay.
This is who I am today in this exact moment.
But for majority of my life, I did not feel this way.
I did not have this level of confidence in my personal style.
And I wanna share with you why I feel this way, how I'm able to feel this way.
Because I know that it's one of the hardest things to figure out when getting into fashion.
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Now back to the episode.
If you're somebody who loves fashion, is passionate about fashion and wants to develop a personal style and wants to experiment with fashion publicly, wear unique outfits out.
I know that one of the hardest things to figure out in that process is not what feels like you, what clothing fits right, what colors look good on you.
Yeah, that stuff's kind of complicated.
I think the hardest thing is finding the confidence, finding the trust in yourself, in your personal style, in your opinions enough, where you have the courage to wear unique, interesting things outside and not care what other people think about it.
That is the hardest part, arguably one of the hardest parts.
And when I was in high school, I did not have a personal style.
I dressed exactly like everyone else at school.
Same thing goes actually for middle school as well.
In middle school, I dressed like everybody else.
Why?
Because I was terrified of standing out.
I didn't want to stand out.
I wanted to fit in.
I wanted to be accepted.
I wanted to be cool.
And so I used clothing to try to do that.
Clothing was sort of a tool for me to succeed socially in a school environment.
I don't know like I go to a coffee shop and there's so many different types of people with so many different styles going on.
It made me realize okay wait, maybe I can experiment a bit more, because in the real world outside of the school environment, there's so much more variation.
People don't really seem to be as judgmental.
Maybe I can experiment a bit more.
And that's when I started developing my personal style.
And then over the years...
Slowly but surely, I've built a sense of confidence.
And over the years, I've become more certain in my personal style, in my fashion beliefs.
And a bunch of other things have happened that have led me to this point where now I
I do not care at all about what other people think about my sense of style.
I do not care.
It rolls off my back completely.
And so today I thought I'd sit down and share with you all why I don't care.
What's going on in my head that allows me not to care?
Like there have been certain outfits that I've posted on my Instagram that that have gotten so much criticism.
People are like, this is the worst outfit I've ever seen.
I hate this outfit.
Not every outfit is like that, but there's been a few where I've gotten just like roasted and it completely rolls off my back.
I don't even flinch.
And in some ways, it's like a superpower not to care.
And I want to tell you my mindset so that you can hopefully, if you're struggling with finding confidence in your personal style, I just want to plant some seeds, you know.
I want everyone to experience, you know?
I want everyone to experience it, and that's why I want to share it.
And I think that also I'm particularly talking about having confidence in personal style, but I actually think this can apply to other things as well.
And so whether you're into fashion or not, maybe there's something in this episode for you.
Anyway, without further ado.
Here's why I don't care what people have to say about my style for a free trial.
And when you're ready to launch, use code Emma to get 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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I can call my parents.
I can call my friends.
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Number one, I trust my taste.
I've been developing my taste for years.
I've been studying runway shows.
I've been scrolling on Pinterest, making mood boards.
I've been trying on clothes. and experimenting with outfits on my own physical body.
I've sat at coffee shops for hours on end on the weekends and analyzed every single person's outfit that's come through the coffee shop door.
I have studied fashion in my own personal way for years to the point where now I trust my taste.
I know that my taste is not set in stone.
I know that it's going to continue growing for the, But I trust it for what it is right now because I know that I've spent time studying it.
I've spent time developing my own set of opinions, you know, in general about clothing, but also for myself as an individual right.
I trust my taste.
And I think I was able to get to this point where I trust my taste through exposing myself to as much fashion as possible, but also naturally, just being somebody who is interested in fashion.
And so naturally just looking at every single outfit with an analytical eye.
And now I'm at a point where I know what I like, I know what I don't like, but I also accept that it's gonna continue to grow and evolve as I expose myself to more fashion, as I mature, as I have more life experience.
It's gonna continue to evolve, but that doesn't negate what my taste is today.
I trust my taste today and I trust my taste five years from now.
I just trust myself because at the end of the day, Personal style is for you and you only.
It's what you like based on the studying that you've done.
And I mean studying, like not like going to fashion school obviously, but looking at runway shows, people watching, going on Pinterest and making mood boards, reading fashion books, going shopping and trying on clothes on yourself.
I've studied for so long, and studied with the intent to figure out my own personal style, to the point where now I just trust it.
And I also know that, within trusting my personal style, I also might experiment sometimes and wear something hideous that I regret a week later.
I might like something for a little bit and then hate it a few weeks later.
But that's okay because that's how we develop our taste.
We experiment.
We have opinions.
The opinions grow and evolve and change.
But in order to participate in fashion, I think you have to trust your taste for what it is in the present moment, accepting that it might not be perfect.
It might change.
And that's okay.
Does that make sense?
But nobody can decide what my personal style is but me.
But I find confidence in the years that I've spent developing my taste.
That gives me confidence.
Because in my eyes and in my opinion, I've put the work in to develop my point of view.
And I acknowledge the work that I put in and I allow it to give me confidence.
Next.
Number two, for the most part, I wear clothes for my own satisfaction and self-expression.
I don't really care what other people think about it, because at this point in my life I dress to make myself feel a certain way, not to be perceived in a certain way.
Listen, there are some times where I'm like, I want to go out and look hot tonight.
If I'm single, maybe that's because I do kind of want to have a hot energy.
But I don't really care about what a potential partner would think about my outfit.
I more so care about my energy in that outfit.
Like I want to dress in an outfit that makes me feel hot and cool, because I'm going to carry myself a certain way and maybe be a little bit more flirty, maybe be a little bit more confident in that certain type of way, like in, like a more flirty type of way.
Whereas a different kind of outfit might make me feel confident in a different sort of way.
Like if I'm going to a business meeting, I might want to dress up in a particular way that makes me feel sharp and chic and classy or something right.
That type of outfit might make me feel a certain type of way in that sort of scenario.
And again, it's not really because I care about what people in the meeting think about my outfit.
It's more about how that outfit's going to make me feel and how I'm going to carry myself in that outfit.
That's why I get dressed.
I don't get dressed so that people think about me a certain way.
I do think that maybe that's a teeny part of it.
I think that might be like 5% of it for me, but I can barely pick up on it.
I truly feel like I get dressed for me.
And I think I was able to get to the point where I get dressed for myself by realizing and truly internalizing and digesting the fact that people are going to come to their conclusion about you Based on your personality.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, personality is number one priority when it comes to making an impression on someone.
And I don't want to dress to cater to other people's opinions or what they like, because then people might like me for the wrong reasons, because I'm painting the wrong picture with my outfit.
If I'm completely myself and completely authentic with my style, I'm gonna attract people who like me for me.
You know what I'm saying?
And that's important to me.
I don't want people to like me or respect me because I'm dressed a certain way.
I want people to see exactly who I am through my clothing and through how I want to present myself, because that's how I want to present myself.
And I want somebody to respect me or like me or give me the time of day because they like my energy.
They like my personality.
They like my ideas.
Yeah.
I think it can be a bit harmful.
I don't want to manipulate others into thinking I'm a certain type of way through my clothing.
That's not appealing to me.
I really do think that clothing does speak volumes.
And I take that seriously.
And so I don't want to manipulate people into thinking Not that it's devious manipulation, but it's like Because it's not.
But...
I choose to dress authentically and for me because I want people to see the real me.
That's more important to me than getting attention from somebody because I'm dressing for them.
Does that make sense?
It might be a subtle element of who we attract in this life, but I do think it helps us attract people that are going to like us for us.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I think this applies most, I would say, in dating, right?
Like, let's say I had a crush on a guy who was a cowboy, okay?
And he wears cowboy boots, right? and he wears Wranglers and a flannel shirt and a cowboy hat, okay?
Let's say I had a crush on a guy like that.
And let's say, to get his attention and to make him like me, I started wearing cowboy boots and I started wearing Wrangler jeans, and I started wearing a cowboy hat and I started wearing a cute little blouse, you know.
I started dressing to appeal to him.
Well, that's not good because that's not my style.
I think all of you can look at me and look at every outfit I've ever worn and come to the conclusion that that's not my style.
You know what I'm saying?
And then imagine this guy starts to like me because he's like, oh, we have so much in common.
We both like cowboy boots or whatever the fuck.
But that's not real.
That's not genuine.
That's not authentic.
Then what happens?
It's chaos.
It's a mess.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Like I think, once I realized that it doesn't really benefit me to dress to cater to other people, I was truly able to lean into the fun of dressing for myself and how it impacts how I carry myself.
It allowed me to lean into dressing in a certain way to make myself feel a certain way.
Next, number three, fashion is a hobby for me.
The simple act of playing with clothes, putting together an outfit, it brings me immense joy.
I love it.
I'm passionate about it.
It fills me with happiness.
I mean, okay, maybe not happiness.
Well, it does.
It makes me... momentarily, fashion gives me happiness.
Now, does it give me like eternal happiness?
No, but it does genuinely bring me joy.
And I think the mere enjoyment of the act of participating in fashion sort of creates this emotional force field around me where I'm having so much fun doing it.
I mean, listen, there are times where getting dressed is stresses me out?
Of course.
Like if I'm running out of time or if I'm trying to put something together and I got a time crunch and it's not working or it's not clicking like sure.
There are times when putting together an outfit is stressful for me.
There are times when I'm having some sort of fashion identity crisis and I feel confused, and maybe I'm a, Even though not every single moment I participate in fashion brings me joy overall.
If we were to pull the data on how often fashion brings me joy, it's a net positive.
You know I would say, fashion brings me joy.
75 of the time, let's say maybe even 80 of the time, actually 75, because I do often have to pick out an outfit last minute and that does stress me out.
But my point is, I get so much joy from participating in it that that joy almost creates an emotional force field around me that protects me from criticism, protects me from judgment.
I don't care because I enjoy participating in it.
You know, I think when something brings you enough joy, it can protect you from unnecessary judgment or criticism.
Now, listen, I will say I'm about to go off on a tangent here, but allow me to indulge.
Criticism isn't a bad thing.
And especially when you post on the Criticism is inevitable and can sometimes even be helpful.
Like, I don't think criticism is always bad.
In fact, it often isn't.
However, with something that's ultimately harmless, like somebody's personal style, criticism is arguably unnecessary.
It's like it's unnecessary for the person receiving the criticism to take personal or absorb, because it's not.
It's it's fashion is ultimately it's harmless.
Right.
So when I say that I'm sort of immune to criticism and judgment due to the joy partially due to the joy that fashion brings me, that's not me saying that criticism is bad.
Like it's inevitable on the internet and people can say whatever they want.
I can't stop them and I won't.
Do you see what I mean?
But what I'm saying is it's not necessarily beneficial for me to take criticism about my style to heart, because other people's opinions about my style doesn't really matter.
Like, if people criticize me for other things, like there are certain things that people criticize me on that maybe I should pay more attention to, but that's actually kind of a whole.
Now are we really going to go down this rabbit hole?
We can.
Arguably criticism on the internet is.
I mean, I think people should be able to criticize on the internet, okay.
I definitely, I stand firm in that.
I think that's fine.
I think that's inevitable and I think that that's fair.
However, on the receiving end, do I think it's ever helpful to internalize criticism?
I don't know.
I think we all need to come to our own conclusions on our own.
I think sometimes online criticism can be helpful and can help us learn.
But I also think a lot of times it's more impactful to listen to the criticism of the people in our lives who know us personally, who know our circumstances like, who like.
Do you know what i'm saying like?
I think that's the criticism we should be listening to, not necessarily people on the internet who don't know us, who we don't necessarily.
I don't know.
I could go back and i go back and forth on it On whether or not it's ever necessary for a public figure to internalize it.
I mean, I think in extreme, I'm not referring to extreme cases here.
I'm referring to like more harmless stuff, like fashion criticism or you know, if somebody makes music right.
Criticism about the music like, oh, this latest album sucked.
Right.
Or criticism about art.
Somebody's a painter.
You know, criticism about a movie.
I don't know.
Anyway, let's move on.
The moral of all of that is that the joy that fashion brings me allows judgment and criticism to roll off my back.
I just don't care.
Because the joy creates this warm, soft bubble around me that protects me.
I just don't even feel it.
I don't even care.
I feel like I sound kind of petty, petty in this episode.
I'm like, I don't care.
You hear me?
I don't care.
Like, it sounds like I'm kind of like defending myself and being defensive maybe a little bit.
Maybe I don't sound that way.
I can't tell.
But it's coming from a place of like, I want everyone to experience this feeling of not caring.
And I don't feel this way about everything in my life.
I wish I did, but I don't.
But I've been able to find it in my personal style, in my fashion identity.
And I just want everyone to experience it.
So I'm talking with conviction, less because I'm defensive and more because I just want everyone to feel that way.
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Now back to the episode.
Okay, moving on.
Number four.
I'm not trying to fit in to any particular group of people.
I don't care if any particular people think I'm cool.
I don't care.
And, as I mentioned earlier, when I was in school, I used to dress like everybody else because I desperately wanted to fit in.
And criticism of my style would have sent me into a spiral because...
I was using clothes as a tool to help me fit in.
That was it.
There was no art in it.
There was no interest in having a personal style.
I was using fashion simply as a tool to help me socially in school.
And so any criticism about my style would have completely derailed my confidence, because I was trying to fit in.
And if I didn't pull it off...
That's embarrassing to me.
That would have shattered my confidence and made me feel embarrassed.
But now, because I'm not using fashion as a tool to fit in, I'm able to just use fashion as a tool for self-expression and a hobby and empowerment, ultimately.
Yeah.
When fashion was about other people.
For me, it was not something that reliably brought me joy, right.
Because, and it's the same thing with your confidence in general.
If your confidence relies on approval from other people, that's a pretty unstable source of confidence.
So your confidence is gonna be all over the place.
If your personal style and how you feel about your personal style and your fashion identity is dictated by other people's opinions, it's going to be all over the place.
It's going to be fragile.
And that's not enjoyable.
When I was able to let that go and I stopped using fashion to help me fit in again, it made me not care anymore, because if somebody is a low enough person to judge me because they don't like my outfit, I don't want to be friends with that person anyway.
Does that make sense?
I want people to judge me based on my character.
I want to be accepted or to be interesting to people because of who I am on the inside.
And so I think it's morally wrong for my style to play a role in whether or not people want to give me the time of day, or want to accept me, or whatever.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
But also, too, like, I don't care about being cool anymore.
I think we care about being cool when we're younger, more so because we're confined to the school environment, where the social situation is incubated in such a way where being cool matters more.
Being popular matters more once you leave school and you're in the real world, as I am now.
There is no social hierarchy like that as much anymore.
You know what I mean?
There is no popular group as much anymore.
I mean, there still is at times, but it holds less power.
And I think most people mature out of caring about that.
So even if there is say, some sort of social hierarchy at work or in an industry, like I mean, I would say in my industry of entertainment, if you will there are like cliques in a way.
There's groups of friends.
There are cool groups, right?
But it doesn't hold the same weight because there are so many different groups of people to choose from in the real world.
Whereas when you're in the bubble of school, you don't have as many options.
You're forced to see the same people every day.
There's just a lot more pressure to fit in, you know?
And if you don't fit in, you have a lot of underdeveloped brains that don't have social skills yet that are cruel about you not fitting in.
Adults don't care as much, you know what I mean?
So...
I don't know.
I think part of me stopped trying to be cool, stopped trying to fit in, because I grew out of it and most of my peers grew out of it.
None of us really care about that anymore.
For the most part there are still little little.
You know there's remnants of that vibe in adulthood, but it's far less powerful.
So I think that's part of the reason why I don't care about fitting in anymore.
But I also think too.
I've realized that I want people to think I'm cool or awesome or great because of who I am as a person, not because of how I present myself.
You know what I mean?
Like, I want people to make their decisions about me based on that.
So I'm not going to dress a, And I'm also not going to fear what anyone thinks about my personal style, because I want people to accept me for who I am.
And if they don't do that and if they can't do that, I don't want them in my life.
So it's actually also kind of a tool I use now to find good people.
Okay, next, number five.
Now, I'm not saying this to be rude or disrespectful to others, but this is truly something that has allowed me to disregard people's opinions about my sense of style.
And so I have to mention it.
But saying it out loud makes me quiver a little bit, but it's true.
So I'm going to say it.
I don't like most people's style, to be honest, like I sit at a cafe and watch people walk by in their outfits and out of a hundred outfits that I see, I might like one maybe, and that's okay.
I'm not judging anybody, I'm not, I don't think less of them, but I just don't like their style.
And Because that's their style.
The only person who needs to like their style is them.
And I assume most people like their own style.
Or maybe they don't even care about style, which is actually a decent portion of people.
A lot of people just don't even care, which I also respect.
And there's also actually a sense of personal style even in that in a way.
But I don't like a lot of people's style.
I scroll on Pinterest.
I look at... runway photos.
I read fashion books and I don't like every single thing that I see.
There's a lot of things that I don't like.
There are also a small portion of things I do like, but I don't like most things.
But that's the case for all types of art.
There's a lot of music that I don't like.
There's a lot of sculpture I don't like.
There's a There's a lot of movies I don't like.
That's the nature of expression, art in any form.
Not everyone's going to like it.
And that's what makes it interesting.
That's what makes it powerful.
You know, we all have such different tastes.
But I think on my journey to ultimate fashion confidence, I realized that I don't like what a lot of other people wear and that makes it okay for them to not like what I wear.
That's just the nature of fashion.
We're not all going to agree on what's cool and what's cute and what's flattering and what's interesting.
We're just not all going to agree.
But that's actually what makes fashion even more fun is the fact that we can all have our unique opinions about it.
And we all are so different.
That actually makes fashion even more dynamic and even more exciting.
But I think the fact that I don't like everybody's style to me is comforting, because it's like I know that I don't like most people's style, but that doesn't impact how I feel about them as people.
I just don't like it.
And if I feel that way about other people in a way that I personally feel is morally okay...
I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Then that means that if I do the math, if I do the PEMDAS, they're allowed to not like my outfit too.
Does that make sense?
And that doesn't mean that they hate me as a person or that my sense of style is wrong.
I know that when I don't like somebody else's outfit, that doesn't mean that they're not stylish.
That doesn't mean that they don't have a good sense of style.
That doesn't mean that they're wrong and I'm right.
It's just my opinion, right?
You see what I'm saying?
So like to analyze my own feelings about other people's style has helped me find peace in how other people feel about my style, because I also don't like a lot of people's style.
Okay, next.
There's also a weird part of me that actually kind of gets excited when people don't like my outfit.
There's a part of me that feels like, ooh, I ruffled some feathers here.
This is interesting.
The fact that people dislike my style is proof to me that I must be doing something a little bit unique.
Listen, I'm not saying I'm reinventing the wheel by any means, okay?
But if there's a lot of people that are like, oh, this is weird.
I don't like this.
Or like, to me, this is ugly.
But then at the same time...
I like it and it makes sense to me.
That means the fact that an outfit can make sense to me and be completely hideous and perplexing to others shows me that perhaps I've created something interesting.
Perhaps my taste is a bit abnormal, a bit unusual.
And that's exciting to me.
Now listen, I'm not necessarily putting together an outfit with the goal to do something weird, or do something unusual, or come up with a new idea.
No, I'm not going into putting an outfit together to do that.
That's not my goal when putting an outfit together necessarily.
My goal is what's going to make me feel good, what makes sense in my head and What do I think looks cool.
Like that's it.
I'm not trying necessarily to be unique, because I think at times having personal style means doing something unique, sure.
But at times it means wearing a plain white t-shirt with blue jeans and a boot, but wearing your signature bag that you wear all the time and having your signature watch on, or whatever.
My goal is not to reinvent the wheel with fashion when I put together an outfit.
However- when I put something together that makes sense to me and people are like this outfit makes no sense to me.
I think it's ugly.
I hate it.
It's like, I don't get it.
I hate it.
What do you, why are you wearing that?
Why would you ever wear that?
That's ugly.
That's weird.
That, to me, is a sign that I've done something interesting, perhaps more interesting than usual, actually.
Perhaps I've unlocked a new idea.
Maybe my personal style is leveled up a little, because if people hate it, that means it makes them uncomfortable.
They haven't seen anything like it.
It's unfamiliar.
It's weird.
They hate it.
That's why they hate it.
They think it's perhaps ugly because it's unfamiliar in a way.
Or maybe they just think it's ugly.
But I think a lot of times we like familiar things, you know?
If something's a bit more unusual or odd, those things take a bit longer to appreciate at times.
A lot of times our taste has to evolve for us to appreciate maybe more odd or unusual things.
And with some odd or unusual things, the taste never develops to the point of appreciating it.
Or maybe it's just not.
It's just never going to be somebody's taste, right?
But I know from experience that some of the best music, some of the music one of my favorite songs of all time okay.
Not for all the love, wait, what is it?
I'm like saying it's one of my favorite songs of all time and then uh, can't remember what it's called.
It's not for all the love in the world.
Okay, one of my favorite songs is a song called not for all the love in the world by the thrills.
Okay, somebody showed me this song like a year and a half ago And the first time I heard it, the first time I listened to it, I was like what the fuck is this song?
Like everything about it was weird to me.
It just, it made me kind of uncomfortable actually, because it was so odd to me.
And it's not that odd.
Like if you were to go listen to it it's not that odd.
But like the vocals on it are really unusual.
And like, I don't even know the technical music terminology, but like melodically, it was really interesting and weird.
And I did not like it.
I did not like it the first time I heard it.
It was intriguing to me and it was interesting, but I didn't get it at first.
But I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I could not stop thinking about it.
And I went back and I listened to it a few more times.
And I think on the third or fourth or maybe fifth listen, I can't remember. it clicked for me that song helped me evolve my music taste because I eventually figured it out it clicked in my brain and that experience of struggling with the song but being kind of obsessed with it and being like ah but like there is something there like I don't I want to listen to it again but like I don't know why because I don't like the song that experience of push and pull and then ultimately realize like finally it clicking in my brain that I like it that experience developed my taste in music I've also had that with many other songs.
With David Bowie, my dad used to play David Bowie for me when I was a kid.
David Bowie has a weird voice.
The music is kind of like chaotic or whatever.
And it's a little bit hard to listen to when you've never heard it before and you've never heard anything like it.
I hated David Bowie's music when I was a kid, but I kept hearing it in repeat exposure.
Eventually I got used to it and I was like, wait, I get it now.
That's how you develop your taste.
If I put together an outfit, this all goes back.
Let's get back on track here.
If I put together an outfit and people don't like it, it evokes a strong emotion.
People don't like it.
There is a certain portion of those people that will never like it.
But there's a certain portion of those people who might actually one day like it.
And maybe, just maybe, that can help them develop their taste.
But also, that actually even goes for people who will never like the outfit.
That also can help them develop their taste.
My point is this if I put together an outfit that makes people uncomfortable, but yet in my world, in my brain, in my mind palace okay, it makes sense to me and I believe in it and I think it's good and I really believe that in my core okay.
There's a chance that maybe I just ruffled some feathers because it's unique.
And there's going to be a portion of those people who maybe one day are like you know, I actually, I actually do like that outfit.
I actually do think I get it now.
And then there's going to be the people who never like it.
But do you get what I'm saying here?
Like I actually think a strong emotional response on the internet, a bit of dislike, is a sign of uniqueness.
And maybe that's the Lulu to some of you, but But I actually don't think it is.
I love experimenting.
I love playing around and putting together something that maybe I haven't seen before.
Every once in a while, if it feels right and it just kind of happens, I don't force that experience.
But if it happens, it happens.
And that experimentation is fulfilling for me and exciting for me and fun for me.
And I would like to believe that it's polarizing, not because it's genuinely hideous and stupid, because it can't be, if it makes sense to me.
If one person even thinks that it's good, if I think it's good, I cannot be the only one.
I can't.
And I'm not.
So perhaps it just means that it's unique.
And that to me is exciting.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Okay, let's move on.
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Next, let's address the obvious.
Fashion is subjective.
There is no defined right or wrong.
It's all opinion-based and there's no use in being offended by an opinion that's neither right nor wrong.
A fashion opinion is ultimately a neutral opinion and it can be taken as seriously as you want to take it.
Like, fashion, there is no right or wrong.
But the problem with that argument is like the way that art evolves, and I do think fashion is art.
Some people disagree, but I think that there's an art in building an outfit undeniably.
The way that art progresses is by experimentation and doing something new, doing something weird.
Doing something unusual.
And anytime something new comes out, people have a tendency to hate it.
Look back in history.
This has happened time and time again.
So the argument like well, something's fashionable and cool if a lot of people like it and think it's fashionable and cool.
I disagree with that, because how is the art supposed to evolve if its merit is based on, if a lot of people like it?
Because when something new and interesting is created, a lot of times in the beginning it is heavily criticized and it's scrutinized, and people don't like it because it makes them uncomfortable.
And then through repeat exposure, people are like wait a minute, not everybody, but some people are like, wait a minute.
I actually do like that.
So...
There is no right or wrong.
There's no objective opinions in fashion for the most part.
I mean unless like, two people are looking at a dress and saying like maybe the dress doesn't fit well or something.
Like, I guess you could like, I guess it could be objectively true.
Like that's a badly tailored dress, but maybe that was the intent.
Like, I don't know.
It's really, I think it's such a subjective thing that there's also a lot of peace to be found in that.
At the end of the day, fashion should be used as a tool for you.
You should wear clothes for you.
You should style yourself in a way that makes you feel how you wanna feel.
You should style yourself in a way that feels like an extension of yourself.
And everyone else's opinions about it should go out the window.
It does not matter what other people think about your style.
The only exception is if you're like dressing inappropriately, okay?
Like, if you're going to a wedding and the dress code for the wedding is black tie, everybody should be in a gown, in a in suiting you know whatever.
And you show up in jeans, okay?
Well, I think that maybe is a little rude, right?
Because there's a dress code.
This person invited you to their event.
They're going to be feeding you.
They're going to be hosting you.
It's a special day for them.
They want everybody to be dressed up for the ambiance, because clothing absolutely impacts the ambiance of a space.
Like if you're wearing jeans to a wedding, that's rude.
If you're going to a business meeting wearing, like you know, a mini skirt and like a graphic tee that says like literally, fuck everyone.
Yeah, like I think it's okay for people to be like that's kind of like an inappropriate outfit for the setting right.
Because in a business setting, it's respectful.
I don't know, like I get it.
It's like you can't be wearing a shirt that says literally fuck everyone to a business meeting.
And I don't think anyone can argue a point as to like why that might be.
Like in a business meeting, there's like an expectation that everybody is going to dress professionally, you know.
So wearing a shirt that says literally fuck everybody in a miniskirt and like flip flops is like it doesn't.
That's, that's not the dress code for the occasion.
However, I think in every situation a business meeting, a wedding, a dinner date, for every situation possible you can find your personal style in it.
Like, if you need to wear a formal wear, you know there's something for everybody in formal wear.
You can find your personal style for every type of event.
And so the only time that I think criticism of style should be maybe paid attention to is if you're blatantly like disrespecting a dress code.
I guess.
You know, like...
I guess, but it's like, that doesn't happen that often.
Also at the end of the day too, fashion is not that deep.
Now listen, it is deep actually in some ways, right?
Like on a personal level.
It's deep because the way that clothing makes us feel, the way we choose to express ourselves, like all of that is very deep and, I think, can be very profound on a personal level.
However, in a social setting, right?
Fashion is not that deep, I don't think.
Like in a social setting.
What is deep is human connection and exploring everyone's uniqueness and individuality, and getting to know somebody for who they truly are.
That's what's deep. you know, someone's outfit, who cares?
Like, as long as somebody is not like wearing jeans at a black tie wedding, like it's like who cares?
You know what I mean?
It's just not that deep.
It's just not that serious.
Like it doesn't need to be taken that seriously.
That's why I don't care what people think about my style.
And that's why I don't think you should care about what other people think about your style.
But listen, it's a journey.
It takes time.
I was like, you know, into dressing up and wearing costumes as a kid and stuff.
Like, sure.
You know, everybody likes to say like, well, I've been doing this since I was born.
But it's like I wasn't studying other people's outfits when I was like in kindergarten, or And I had a major chunk of time in my adolescence where I was not into fashion in the way I am now.
It was about fitting in, right?
As we know.
I've already said that a thousand times.
But I'd say for the last nine years or so I've been on this personal style journey in a very dedicated sort of pointed way, and I would say, only recently have I truly figured it out, like not figured, not figured out my personal style or perfectly nailed down my taste, but rather developed this thick skin where I don't really care what other people think about it and I've been interested in it, participating in it, for almost 10 years now, you know, and it's taken a long time but, But it just makes it so much more fun.
And you can truly unlock the full potential of enjoying fashion when you're not afraid, when you don't care if you get judged for it, when you're confident in yourself, your taste and your style.
It's a beautiful thing.
But you know, what is funny is when because, as I mentioned towards the beginning of the episode, there are times when, like I'll have sort of I don't even want to call it a lapse in judgment, because I don't really think it's a lapse in judgment, but it's just a normal I don't have another term to use other than lapse in judgment.
I'll put it this way.
Throughout the nine years of me developing my personal style, I've had little moments where I've experimented or tried something.
And in the moment, gotten a lot of criticism for like, ew, that's ugly.
Ew, I hate that.
And in the moment, I was like, wait, I like it though.
And then six months later, a year later, I'm like, ew, that was bad.
They were right.
Like that shit happens all the time.
When I first cut my hair, it was a bit of a controversial topic.
Some people absolutely hated it.
Some people loved it.
When I look back at how I cut my hair when I first went really short and bleached.
I hate the cut I chose.
Like I chose a very particular cut.
I was too scared to go super short pixie.
So I like went a little bit longer and it was this like hideous shag.
And that was like less than a year ago.
Okay, now I love my hair because I have a very short pixie and I love it and I love the shape.
I love the way it looks on me.
I love it.
I love styling it.
I love everything about it.
But I look back at my pixie cut early days, before it was even a pixie, when it was a shag, and I hate it.
That was recently.
But in the moment.
But that was a step I had to take towards getting to where I'm at now, where I have a haircut that I absolutely love.
Like that was a step I had to take.
I was too scared to go as short as I am now.
And so I went a little bit too long for a few months.
And then I ultimately decided to cut it really short and now I love it.
That was a step on my journey to where I'm at now.
I got criticism then about it.
People thought it was ugly.
In retrospect, I'm like, you know what?
That cut was ugly.
But guess what?
They're still calling my hair ugly now.
And now I love it.
And do you know what?
In five years, I might hate my hair.
Honestly, it's possible that in five weeks I could hate my hair.
But I like it right now.
And that is all that matters to me.
That's all that matters to me.
And I liked my shaggy bleached haircut when I first got it.
But then I started to realize, you know what?
This could be better.
This could be better.
I'm not there yet.
I haven't figured it out.
And I figured it out.
So people were right.
Like sometimes the criticism is right.
But it doesn't really matter because I have to figure it out on my own anyway.
But it is funny when the criticism ends up being right or the judgment ends up being right.
But that's also not always the case.
Sometimes I'll get roasted for an outfit and years down the line, I'll be like, I stand by it.
I love it.
Anyway, that's enough of me for today.
I think you've had enough of me for today.
Wouldn't you say?
Like, that's enough Emma for today.
Well, if you enjoyed this episode and you might have more space in your brain for Emma tomorrow, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
You can stream anywhere you get podcasts.
And if you want to watch me talk...
YouTube and Spotify.
Anything Goes is on the internet at Anything Goes.
I'm on the internet and I'm a Chamberlain and my coffee company is on the internet and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee.
I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
And I just encourage you to wear whatever the fuck you want. okay?
And not give a fuck about what anyone has to say.
It doesn't matter.
Set yourself free and have fun.
Okay.
Anyway, I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
And I'll talk to you in a few days.
I love you all.
Wear whatever the fuck you want.
Okay, bye.
