Today we brought Sarah on because we thought it would be fun to talk about having a sister.

Because G-Soo and I both do not have sisters.

So we have many questions and many theories maybe?

I feel like at least my personal understanding of sisterhood is just pretty much what media portrays, which I feel like is very one dimensional or maybe like one sided versus like the many complexities.

I'm sure there is behind having a sister as a sibling.

Yeah well thanks for having me back on.

Yeah I'm so excited to kind of pick your brain today Sarah because as someone who grew up with no siblings, I have this like fantasy about you know childhood with siblings and what siblinghood looks like even in your adulthood as well.

Like Crystal said, I feel like so much of what I think of of sisterhood is from like BDO or maybe people around me when I was growing up.

And I always felt like there was something very complex about sisterhood.

I feel like there might be a little bit of a competitive aspect to it because you're the same gender growing up under the same parents but maybe you each had like a different set of rules and regulations depending on the age gap and you have shared interests but maybe also wanted to differentiate yourself from your sister.

So do you think these kinds of theories are accurate to your experience growing up with the sister or would you say it was really different from what I just noted?

No I think you guys are spot on.

I feel like the sisterhood also just comes in waves.

There's ebbs and flows of good times and bad times.

I have an older sister named Connie where three and a half years apart and she currently lives in California still with my parents and I live in New York.

Being in this transitional adult phase has definitely made me appreciate our sisterhood more.

In our childhood it was a lot different and that's when we did have a really strong bond together but also we had a lot of fights and I feel like that's just growing up in the same house living under the same roof.

We actually also shared a room up until she went to college so you can only imagine how close we were.

We were just in each other's personal space all the time but having that time with her in my childhood has also made me appreciate a lot of older sister complexes that she did have and it's not something that was able to appreciate now until reflecting back on it.

She was always that older sister figure that was protective.

She always had my best interests at heart even though it didn't always come off that way.

I think that I was just too young and naive to understand at the time that she was always going to be an older sister figure to me and I kind of just took that for granted a lot.

You brought up a good point like when we're younger we don't really know what's going on in you know our siblings or just even our friends' minds.

You said like there were moments where maybe your sister was being protective or playing the big sister role but you didn't quite realize at the time and you weren't as like grateful for it.

Do you have any like specific examples maybe?

Yeah I think that even like with homework and schoolwork Connie would always stay up late at midnight and she would basically help me essentially do my projects for me.

Well she let me go to sleep at like 10 so I specifically remember book reports.

I wouldn't read the book she would read it for me and then she would help me with writing and all the content for my book report.

I remember like school projects of like diorama she would help me with that.

She's always been a part of my learning I feel like in a lot of ways.

She'd reviewed all my college essays when I was applying to colleges since she was already in college at the time.

So those are just some of the many examples that Connie has supported me but again I didn't really realize how much she disacrifice of her own time and time away from friends whether she could be doing something else after work or after school.

That's so cute. I feel like as an only child okay I need to know if other only children out there can relate to this but I think as an only child I have like a PhD in siblingology and I feel like if you're past like six to seven years of an age gap you're kind of like a mini mom or like a mini parent and then if you're like one to two years you're basically like a twin almost but then three and a half years I feel like it's like right in between those two stages where maybe she was playing a little bit of both so do you feel like the way you saw your sister whether it was like kind of like a mini mom or maybe more like a sibling slash twin changed a lot throughout your childhood or do you think she was mostly one role or the other?

I don't necessarily feel like she was a mini mom because we had to stay at home mom and she was full-time stay at home mom so I always had my maternal figure around so I really do see Connie as just like my older sister but she went through a lot of learnings with my parents too as like the first siblings always do so she kind of paved a path for me and I always feel like the younger sibling probably has it easier in a lot of ways right your parents go through so many trials of like how they want to parent and she was kind of the guinea pig I feel like maybe at times there was an underlying tone of a sense of like resentment for how easy that I did get it in comparison to her experiences I remember for example my mom when Connie got a B in a class you know she would cry and she was like oh my god like you can do better but then when I got a B she's like oh my god good job Sarah so I think like the expectations were different and just like knowing that having a child that has already met those expectations the second one could fall short in some ways or like they were just able to be more relaxed as parents knowing that at the end of the day they still have a child that is more accomplished in some ways yeah I feel like as a fellow younger sibling I've definitely felt that where it's like oh did my parents just like stop caring but the time I got there like they just kind of gave up they're like oh fuck it like this is the best for gonna get anyway yeah I would definitely say that when it came to me with school and grades my parents were more relaxed than they were with Connie I do want to touch on what she soon mentioned earlier though like did you ever feel competitive with your sister I feel like being the same gender maybe awakens that a little more like whatever you can do like I can do too because it's almost like a direct reflection of yourself but like older or like a version of what you could be that you're seeing in front of you so do you think there's competition there I think that I alluded to this earlier that Connie was just always academically better than I was however I do think that where I did shine a little bit more was more my creative and artistic side and also sports so I never really felt that there was anything to compare when it came to school she already took that one as the winner but where I could make up for in what I was better at was in art and also just extracurriculars and things like that oh so it was more like she's claimed like these categories to excel in so maybe I should just focus on other areas that I can personally excel in so you're not as caught up in almost like living in her shadow I guess in some aspects yeah that's pretty smart it's very wise for like being so young you're like okay fuck I'm not even gonna compete with you for this I'm just gonna focus on other things exactly just doing my own thing yeah I do feel like our parents praised us for all of the things that we were great at so it was just nice that we each had our own thing and where it's recognized as such in our household and my parents didn't really place any more emphasis on me trying to be better in school or Connie better at like dance and art so it was just really nice to not feel like I did have a competition and like you said crystal living in the shadow of my sister so I have a question about I guess the relationship that you had with your sister because it doesn't seem like there was a ton of maybe direct competition like within the spheres that you guys dove into but I feel like within the family siblings are sometimes allies against the parents slash against the outside world and sometimes there's almost like a enemy aspect of like oh mom like she did this like she did that so what do you think kind of came up more for you and your sister or you more allies or enemies I think we were more allies in our childhood but once Connie went to college and we didn't live together anymore and I was in high school that I feel like we grew into our personalities a little bit more had more opinions and that's when we started to have a little bit more conflict and then now coming back to adulthood and entering our late 20s early 30s is when we kind of see the world in a very similar way where we're both working adults and we just have the mutual respect for each other so I feel like it came in waves for us being together or fighting I have a funny story to share as to why Connie and I stopped talking for a year or so while she was in college so I mentioned this earlier that we shared a room with each other up until she left for college at the time when we were in high school I vividly remember a lot of people selling like their things on Facebook right like whether it be clothes or like use technology and like gadgets and whatever Connie's clothes were taking a closet space in our room and I in my head I thought that anything that she didn't take to college meant that she didn't really care for right so I ended up selling some of her clothes and obviously she saw on Facebook and she bitched me out and the entrance of me on Facebook would not talk to me for a whole year and looking back at it it's hilarious we talk about it all the time now she tells her friends all about it but I think it's just those types of things that sister's fight about and just having a sister to like fight about clothes and stupid stuff like that is just kind of the only fights that we would have.

Connie would send me this meme I don't know if you guys see this before but it's like a screenshot of like sister's texting it's just like why did you borrow my clothes without asking and then just like ranting at each other and the next text is like do you want to get lunch?

Like that's exactly how I see our sisterhood so I think that's like a really funny example.

Oh my god that's actually super funny I could just imagine her being like what the fuck are you selling all my shit?

So you're selling all my shit and you're only collecting like three dollars for my my dress and come on.

Like you're like well how much could this be like a dollar?

Yeah it's like a used piece of clothing relax.

So growing up did you guys share clothes and accessories and shoes and stuff often?

I would say on a good day if you asked each other like if I could borrow this then yes but on a bad day you could have no reason as to why you would say no but no meant no and then on a really bad day is you don't even ask and then they find out and then they will yell at you in front of all your friends or like yell at you at home when they find out.

Just based on our moods I feel like and Connie and I both are very confrontational.

Obviously having a sister means that no matter what you have in your life so you kind of also take that for granted too and like how we like talk to each other as well.

It just goes from zero to a hundred.

I just now like think about it it's just like funny to me because at the time it just felt like such a bigger argument than it needed to be.

Mm-hmm. Then who was the one to kind of extend an olive branch and resolve the whole conflict?

Like how did that go down?

Probably my sister. Yeah I was really stubborn and actually did text Connie yesterday just to give her a heads up about this podcast and just to kind of pick her brain as well on how she viewed our childhood and the relationship that we had versus we have now.

I even apologized to her because like reflecting on my path self I feel like there was just a lot of growth that needed to be done and Connie was just always very patient.

She always took me as like a little sister and no matter what like I said she was always rooting for me.

So we kind of had a nice talk yesterday just coming from from this podcast.

My heart. That's so cute.

I like that she really takes on that big sister role.

It seems like if anything she'll just be like it's okay like Sarah's just a little sister like little sisters do this.

So like I'll deal with it or like you know maybe later when everyone's cold down like we'll figure it out.

I feel like that's very different from like my personal experience because well one my older sibling is a brother and also we're like not as far apart in age.

So we are almost just like siblings of the same level like no one ever truly established an older sibling vibe or like a younger sibling vibe and it's funny too because I think his friends think he's probably an only child and like my friends like if you like a new person meets me they're like oh you must be like an only child right.

I'm like oh no not not really.

So I think it's like it's so interesting to hear how she like really embraces her big sister role.

I agree. You mentioned that your fights were mostly centered around like stop stealing my clothes like don't touch my stuff but do you think because of your similarities did you have other arguments related to just like similar interests maybe something like it's my turn to like do this like stop this is something that I want to do like stop copying me you know that kind of stuff or do you think it kind of still just centered around more simplistic things.

Yeah most of our fights were centered around the simplistic superficial things and although we did have overlapping interest in the after school activities I feel like our parents did a really good job on making sure that we both had what we need and didn't necessarily have to share as much.

I also think that that goes back to some of the issues of maybe that underlying tone of resentment but it's not so much directed towards me as was I guess to my parents and deciding if we had art classes we would get our own sets of paints and paint brushes and color pencils and everything like that.

I also remember when Connie first got her cell phone was the time that I first got my cell phone so she was like you know I'm older how come like something so exciting like is also shared with Sarah in that sense but I feel like my parents always did a good job balancing both of what our interests were and giving us like the tools to to do it individually so it was never an issue about like sharing everything because our parents always provided everything we both needed.

Dude I'm like racking my brain thinking about what me and my brother thought about too when we were younger and you're right it's like it's so simplistic that I can't even remember what we thought about for a lot of the things and I think it's really interesting because you said like you had a year where you didn't really talk with your sister and I kind of had that too and there's like no reason really except my brother thought I was annoying so he was like just don't talk to me.

I mean that's essentially what Connie thought of me.

Yeah I was annoying and rude.

Yeah and then I think I had a similar kind of cycle as you where me and my brother were super close when we were younger and then there was like this really angsty period I guess during high school slash college where we just like didn't really talk to each other and then as we like both started reaching a more similar time in our lives so you know we're both in college or like both out of college we started rebuilding our bond almost.

I wonder if that's just having an older or younger sibling and that's not really limited to just having a sister or brothers I feel like again it's just going back to taking for granted that like they're your family at the end of the day and no matter what they're always going to be in your life for better or for worse so it's just knowing that in the back of your mind that you're not really like losing a friend if like you're going through hard periods but things will eventually fall into place and you guys will eventually come back together.

Yeah I feel like this kind of conversation makes me think about siblinghood or maybe even just like our relationship with our family a little bit differently.

Crystal and I do a lot of episodes on this podcast about how to nurture your friendships and how friendships kind of go in and out while you're changing life phases and things like that so many things that go on in our personal lives I think at the end of the day have a big impact on our relationships with other people and it's crazy to think that familial relationships aren't immune to that because you know when we go from high school into college like that's a huge life change I can see how big changes like that are reasons why even friendships kind of drift apart or like relationships too for example but it's also interesting to see that sisterhoods can also have the same thing maybe in a way it's like a reminder for us to nurture and value our familial relationships as much as we think about like friendships for example but maybe in another way it's nice because at the end of the day they'll always be your family still.

Yeah true. You know one thing I think I did was put unfair expectations on my brother.

Let me know if you feel like you did this to Sarah but I think because like I think in my mind I was like I'm the younger sibling like my brother needs to be the older sibling he needs to care about me and stuff so I think because I kind of had that mindset for a while I put unfair expectations on him and I think that was like maybe another factor in like driving a wedge between us when we're younger because I thought of him as like an older brother but not necessarily as like a person if that makes sense.

I would have to agree with you on that one crystal because I've always saw Connie as just like this older sister figure and growing up together the boundaries between the older and younger sister were just more defined and as we got older those boundaries just became more fluid and now where's your sisters.

Yeah I think it's like a moment where you're like oh wait they're not just like my older brother like they have a whole life going on they have like all their own shit too like who am I to expect things of them.

Oh okay question for both of you what do you think your lives would look like or your relationship with your sibling would look like if it was swapped so if crystal you were the older sister and same thing for you Sarah if you were the older sister like how would your relationship dynamic change do you think you would be just like the way your sibling is now or would there be some sort of difference.

That's a crazy thought.

I don't know if I would be a good older sister to be honest I don't know what that feels like and looks like I much rather prefer to be the younger one honestly.

Wait Sam I'm thinking about it like maybe I would be similar to my brother I'd be like what the hell why why the older siblings I'm trying to be the younger sibling too.

Yeah that's a tough question honestly right because I feel like Connie handled it as best as anyone could like I said she protected me and looked out for me she would help me those things were just to give it in my eyes right like I said definitely took it for granted but I don't know if I would be able to give that back to to her honestly.

I like I don't even know would that change my brother is like personality if he were the younger sibling right like maybe Connie's personality would change too if she were the younger sibling.

That would be scary honestly I don't even want to think about it.

And then maybe we'd realize like oh shit maybe I was a spoiled younger sibling I remember my brother would always be like dude crystals hell is spoiled and I was like no I'm not like this like we're living in the same house like the same stuff is happening to us and then Max would always be like nah she spoiled his home.

Well I guess the extension of this question too is like what do you think are personality traits or even life skills that you have taken away from your relationship or experiences with your sibling.

What is it about your sisterhood do you think you've learned and are able to translate into like your relationship with your friends or your parents or things like that.

I feel like a lot of traits that I might have gotten from her were just a sense of patience with any situation whether it's you know life work friends things of that nature always being willing to lend a helping hand I see the way that she helped my mom around the house and that also made me want to help my mom around the house so I feel like I've definitely got that from her.

Do you think there's any like maybe even hobbies and stuff that you picked up from her?

Yeah Connie was the first one to really want to take day and lessons and so I said I wanted to take day and lessons.

She was actually really great in ballet and it was just never my thing so I decided to do hip-hop and other forms of dance but I feel like I'm just like repeating myself something that she was great in I didn't even try to bother at the end of the day so that just kind of goes back to the whole academic versus arts kind of thing but she did open up a lot of hobbies and after school activities for both of us whether that is like sports or dance or we both took Chinese school on Saturdays and just her being able to speak a different language and being so good at it she's much better at speaking Chinese than I am.

It's now made me regret how much lack of effort I did put into it and just seeing how she uses it in a workspace now and going back to Asia with her.

Her like navigating Taiwan for us and you know just being able to read and speak fluently and have like really adult conversations with our family back in Taiwan like it's made me want to relearn Chinese again because I feel like I really didn't put in much effort because she was just so good at it between the both of us when we were growing up.

You're like Connie Cancarios.

Yes. That's funny. I also wonder just because I think like having a brother in a stereotypical sense had certain influences on me.

Well one of the interesting ones is actually my brother is like a huge reader so that inspired me actually to read a lot when I was younger but then there's also other things like playing games and stuff.

When we were growing up he would be like oh I want to play this game and he's like I guess I have no one to play with except for my like stupid younger sister so because of that like there's some influence there where it's like oh now I'm like you know I enjoy playing games.

I've always wondered like wow if I had a sister what hobbies I would have picked up through her potentially.

Oh interesting. I mean we're like so different in a lot of ways too but I'm really glad you didn't do a Gen Z word of the day.

Crystal because I leaned much closer to being a millennial just because I had an older sister growing up in that generation so a lot of influence of like movies and TV and music and all of that pop culture I would say I identify more as a millennial because of my sister.

Another thing is like my brother and I we talked about relationships for the first time in our lives like last year like with each other and growing up I never talked about like boys to him because like he's a boy.

Also like in my mind I was like oh he's the older brother like he should be asking me if I'm in a relationship or something he should be like protective but he literally just like didn't care he had his own shit going on you know he wasn't interested in that so I always have been envious because in my mind of course this might not be true for everyone but I'm like if I had a sister then this is like you know we could girl talk all the time.

Honestly we did have girl talk and I feel like if I had an older brother I probably or even a younger brother I probably wouldn't be sharing those stories with them or updates but having an older sister I did grow up with her talking about like a lot of feelings relationships you know just crilly things like your body changing makeup fashion I just feel like it just opens up a lot more related ability just being female so that is one really nice aspect of having a sister and I think that if I had a brother my relationship would look a little bit more like yours crystals.

I feel like there's something so magical about sisterhood because my mom has three sisters every time they see each other to this day it's like a party and then the the husbands are kind of like add-ons you know like sometimes they're allowed but for the most part it's like girls and kids only and I feel like it's so heartwarming to see women in like their 60s or like late 50s meet up and just like still have girl talk like still gossip about what's going on in town like about so-and-so's friends talking a little bit smack about your husband maybe or even your kids no one's immune and that's just something that I feel like is hard to replicate and it also makes me wonder if it kind of sets you up for more natural friendships or maybe like other friendships like this with other women who aren't your sister are you just like primed to be like the best girl bestie ever you know what I mean that's such an interesting thought yeah I never thought about it that way and now that you bring up your mom and her sisters that kind of also just reminds me of my mom and her siblings so she has an older sister and two brothers and she always said that she was closer to her sister and and because of that she wanted to give Connie me when my parents brought me home from the hospital they told Connie that we have the best gift for you and then she was like what is it she thought it was like a dollar something and it ended up being a human little sister me and then Connie was like they don't want this you know you joke about it all the time because she confiolimit she was like you know what maybe mom was right like having a sister is like so great so yeah so cute okay I have like a slightly silly question but I only ask this because I am kind of like the type of person to do this sometimes when I'm going through something in my life or maybe put in a situation where I'm like oh god like I have no idea what to do my mind immediately goes to like maybe like the top three people in my life or like people that I look up to and I'm like oh my god what would mom do like what would dad do what would James do and I'm very curious to know if you have ever encountered a situation where you're like oh shit like I have no idea what to do never been in this situation before like what would Connie do maybe not necessarily what would she do but I know that she would always be there to pick up the phone you know and if I told her that I was in the situation and I just needed some advice she would give it to me yeah I feel like Connie's one of the closest people in my life right now because I can sometimes go every single day of the week face-telling her and we've been talked for like two to three hours and it's just like she's like what now but you always end up finding something to talk about and just you know sharing anecdotes and life updates and you know how things are going with my family because she's still at home with my parents so it's just really nice to like know that I can always lean on her and count on her for an answer and to always pick up but I wouldn't necessarily say that she would give me a vice from like what would she would do but like she understands like where I'm at in my life and will really understand like my situation and give me pretty good advice based on where I'm at in my life so you're not necessarily getting wwcd not what would Connie suit do I always think it's the cutest shit when like the younger sibling calls up the older sibling and it's like I need help can you give me some advice or like what should I do I think that's really sweet it really shows like the level of trust and powerful bond between the siblings I don't do that in my sibling ship okay so I do want to circle back really quick to the experience of growing up with a sister in your childhood and something that I'm super curious about is is there stuff that you would only share with Connie and it would be kind of like a sister secret that you wouldn't then go and tell your parents and is that something that you feel like was exclusive to childhood or something that you guys still do to this day yeah I feel like when it came to relationships and like boys and things like that it still is very much and was we I would only share that with Connie and not so much my parents or like feeling insecure about grades and college and things like that I feel like my parents wouldn't really necessarily understand as much as Connie would since she's gone through it Connie and I also have just the shared mutual understanding we know what each other is thinking not necessarily like twin telepathy or anything but I feel like it's just like growing up with each other and like being each other is like orbit that you pick up on certain things about each other that you just have a mutual unspoken understanding growing up like my parents would if they were trying to communicate with each other around the dinner table and like they didn't want us to like hear what they were talking about they would then switch to Taiwanese so that Connie and I couldn't understand it so Connie and I agreed to take French together so that we could have our own language that's amazing my parents don't understand so I always thought that was funny and of course Connie still knows French and I don't that's so cute though and I feel like that's such a good and true example of like close sibling bond and as you mentioned before I think just the fact that you're both women I think it like knocks down a layer of extra work maybe to be relatable to each other you know things like sharing the same room up until Connie left for college I feel like that is such a valuable experience I mean maybe not in the moment because you're like I have to share this with my sister but like I think over time you realize like oh wow like we learn so much from each other just because we're like always near each other and like I'm sure that's the perfect formula as well late night talks you're like oh my god like this going on in my life or like oh my god like let's talk about boys until like 1 a.m it's like having a sleepover every single day with what could be your best friend right yeah it's just pillow talk at night and also understanding each other's like habits and what their schedules are and things like that I feel like all of those instances are data points in a larger bank of like closeness yeah that makes sense for sure if you could pinpoint maybe like one or just like a generic thing that you think is like the most valuable that you've gotten out of like your sisterhood I think it's a culmination of everything but I would say what I value the most right now is where I'm at in my relationship with Connie now because I feel like we have a better understanding of each other and what is kind of off limits to talk about what we should focus and like redirect our energy on when it comes to each other and just also her being at home and still like with my parents I appreciate that she's able to provide updates to me and like able to take care of my parents in a lot of ways that I can't it's also interesting that even though we're separated by distance now I actually feel closer to her and makes me look forward to to hearing from her and like catching up with her and just getting updates on what she's doing for friends family so I feel like I just value the build up we did have some issues growing up with each other but now I think we're just in a much more understanding place that we're able to truly appreciate what sisterhood means we talk about like future plans of you know where we're gonna live and what being an aunt looks like once we have kids and the type of like aunt and sister that we want our kids to have so it's just really nice to to see that things are finally coming together even despite like the hard patches and her getting over me selling her clothes iconic why really loved that you were able to open up with us so much today about your relationship with your sister sounds like it's in such a good spot and it does sound like life moves on after you sell your sister's clothes so there's hope out there for anyone in a tumultuous sisterhood currently but thanks so much Sarah for hopping on and sharing your experiences with us if any of our listeners out there have a sister and have other thoughts about your relationship with your sister and feel free to hit us up we have Instagram at e-ear chris pod and we also have email e-ear chris pod at gmail.com and don't forget to follow us on Spotify Apple podcasts where every listener podcasts we upload new episodes every Wednesday morning thanks for listening and don't forget to eat your cross