Hey guys, how's it going?
My name's Andrew. I hope you're doing well.
Thank you for clicking play and joining me for this episode today.
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So in just a second, I'll be joined by my co -host, Indiana, and today we're going to talk about a recent wedding that Indiana attended in Miami, Florida.
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Okay, let's welcome Indiana to the episode now, and we'll get started with our conversation.
I hope you enjoy it.
Here we go. Joining me now to talk about a recent trip and wedding that she attended is my co -host, Indiana.
Hello there, Indiana.
How's it going? I'm good.
How are you, Andrew?
I'm doing really well.
And I'm excited to hear your story about this trip and this wedding that you went to recently, Indiana, because it's two things that I've never experienced before.
So this is going to be interesting for me.
The first thing that I've never experienced is going to Florida and the wedding that you went to was in Miami.
So that that'll be cool to hear about Florida and Miami.
And the second thing that's cool is that the wedding that you went to was a Jewish wedding.
So in the Jewish tradition, Jewish religion.
And so there's some different customs and traditions that happen in that style of wedding that I've never seen or heard about before, really, except in the movies.
So it will be cool to hear all about your experience.
And And maybe we could start just by giving a little bit of background information and context to our listeners so that they get the picture, the full picture about why you went to this wedding.
Could you tell us whose wedding it was and why you went there?
Of course. Yeah, it seems like I go to a lot of Jewish weddings because my husband is Jewish and a lot of people in his family are getting married.
Married. So I went to his cousin's wedding, a female cousin, and I think she's a few years older than my husband, but she lives in Florida and she had a semi -destination wedding in Miami.
And yeah, so I traveled to Florida for the first time to attend her wedding.
And I think it was only the second time I've met her even.
I think the first time I met her in real life was at my my own wedding.
So it was cool. Yeah, it was great.
Good opportunity. So that was your first time visiting Florida then?
Yeah, I'm kind of surprised that I've never traveled there before.
But yeah, it was my first time.
Very humid, very hot, great weather, as you would expect.
We spent a couple of beach days before the wedding.
So it was great. Nice.
Yeah, some fun in the sun before the wedding.
That's good. And you mentioned just a moment ago, a destination wedding.
You said this was a semi -destination wedding.
Could you tell us what that is?
I think for many people around the world, like I'm thinking here in Korea, where I'm currently based, I'm thinking, I don't know of too many of my Korean friends, or I don't think I've even heard of people who have had a destination wedding.
I'm sure some people have, but it's not really popular.
But back in North America, I think this happens quite frequently.
It's not rare. What does this mean?
What is a destination wedding?
A destination wedding is a wedding at maybe a very luxurious or resort type of place and somewhere that the people getting married where they don't live and really none of their family live.
It's a new place, like a third place that all of the attendants will travel to.
and it might be like an island maybe you would go to Hawaii or it's often somewhere beautiful like on the beach with great weather.
So that's a destination wedding.
The reason I say that it's semi -destination wedding was because my husband's cousin lives in Florida but she doesn't live in Miami so it was kind of a new location for everybody but yeah I think she probably just Just wanted to have it somewhere with some really great beaches, fun things to do and have a bit of luxury in that way.
Yeah, that's cool. I think destination weddings, they have this kind of mixed reputation.
I think one of the first times you go to a destination wedding, it's probably really fun.
But as you get older, I think now in my life, if my friends invited me to a destination wedding in Mexico or something, I'd be like, oh, that's a lot of time commitment.
That's a lot of money that I got to spend to go there.
Yeah. But the idea behind it is really cool, especially if it's your close friends.
And usually a destination wedding is pretty small and intimate too, right?
Maybe you only have a handful of guests just because of the travel and the cost and the commitment involved.
But okay, Indiana, let's get into talking about the wedding now.
And I'm curious, was this the first Jewish -style wedding or traditional Jewish wedding that you had attended?
Or maybe yours was even a traditional Jewish style.
I don't know, since your husband is Jewish.
Was this your first time or had you been to this kind of wedding before?
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very similar to a typical wedding that you might go to um but there are just some extra cultural traditional elements or even possibly religious elements that you would see in a Jewish wedding.
Cool. So let's get into it then.
Could you tell us what some of those interesting traditional elements are that you might see at a Jewish wedding?
For sure. So typically, at American, maybe American -Canadian weddings, the bride and groom or whoever is getting married, they will do the ceremony in front of an arch or an arbor.
That's what this structure, this backdrop is called, that is typically covered in flowers, some bouquets, decorated nicely.
Something that's a little bit different about Jewish weddings is you will see a chuppah, which is a sort of four post canopy with like maybe a beautiful cloth or lacy covering over it.
And it's a little more of a tent instead of something behind the people getting married.
So it's overhead and it sort of represents, I think, like the home, like creating a home between the two people getting married.
So that's just one sort of piece of decoration, part of the ceremony that is a little bit different.
That's cool that you notice it.
I think that probably I wouldn't even notice that.
I don't think that I would even notice that thing.
So that's cool that you noticed that.
So that's the first difference.
What are some other things that you noticed?
So, of course, there are some prayers that were said that were specific to the Jewish tradition, Jewish religion.
I believe there is a marriage contract, which is you sign in front of the attendants.
That's called the Ketubah, I believe.
leave and um yeah sometimes the the ceremony might be a little bit serious or or solemn um not really the ones that i've been to i think everybody is fairly light -hearted about the whole wedding process and it's not taking it so so seriously this ceremony um but the maybe something that our listeners would know or that you've heard of is the breaking of the glass at the end of the ceremony so when everything's all said and done i think the groom or i guess it doesn't really matter who does it but somebody steps on the glass and everybody sort of says congratulations mazel tov and uh you know everything
shifts into the uh reception that's the word the party time yes party time exactly yeah do you know what the breaking of the glass symbolizes or what is that supposed to represent I've seen that before on tv and the movies but I was always curious about the meaning or if there's a meaning because sometimes you know even I think in our culture our weddings like I don't know what all of the things that we do represent or why we do them it's just something that is passed down from generation to generation to generation so maybe it doesn't even have like a significant meaning it's just a tradition just
something you do but I don't know do you know if there's some deeper meaning behind that or that I don't know but um yeah what I can say is that if you don't want to ruin a person perfectly nice piece of glassware um you can just step on a light bulb I think that's what I did or my husband did at our wedding ruin a perfectly good light bulb or maybe a burnt out light bulb Yeah, I think we might have used a burnt out light bulb.
Okay. So we'll toss this one over to our listeners then, guys.
If we're missing something here, feel free to leave a comment or correct us if there's a deeper meaning to this tradition that we're missing out on.
Please let us know.
We'd love to learn about that.
And yeah, I was talking about TV and movies just a second ago, Indiana.
and there's something that I've seen in the movies a lot especially is in a Jewish wedding reception.
This is now in the party time.
I've seen, I think it's the groom, maybe the guy, but maybe they do this to the bride too as well.
Some sort of dance or something where all of the friends will pick somebody up, pick the bride up or pick the groom up.
And they kind of do a dance in a circle and are pushing the groom over their heads and and doing this fun dance was that happening at that wedding did that happen at the wedding yeah definitely I think I think you can't have a Jewish wedding without the hora which is that that dance yeah if you're gonna include something that's that's gonna be what you include yeah it's so much fun um so they did do do that.
And it is both the bride and groom.
So the music starts.
It's a song called Hava Nagila.
And everybody's sort of clapping and you have the bride and groom and the groom in the middle.
People are dancing with each other.
And you start, I suppose, with this sort of arm interlocking dance with one partner.
You kind of go in opposite, in the same direction, but you're facing each other, right?
And then you interlock arms. So you're kind of dancing, spinning in a a circle.
And then you might hold hands with a bunch of people and create one big circle and kind of dance around and spin around.
That is so fun. Yeah, best part of the wedding for sure.
And yeah, so everybody, as many people as you need to lift up the bride and groom on their respective chairs, they gather and lift them up.
And it's a lot of fun.
I think it lasted like 10 minutes at This wedding which was Really long I think they Made a deal with the DJ like as long As people keep clapping and are dancing you Just keep playing the song It went on for quite a while It was great That's awesome yeah and I like that song too The Hava Nigila I believe and correct me if I'm wrong It starts really slow Right and then it speeds up Is that that song I think there's a million different versions but yeah i have heard some like that yeah exactly okay yeah it's kind of the one that i remember hearing at least starts slow and it gets faster and faster
so cool very very fun i'm sure it's like a very festive atmosphere when that's happening yeah like i said the best part so much fun what about the rest of the reception what's that like was it's um you know a really really fun reception with lots of dancing and partying and you said there was a DJ some weddings have a band was there a band like what was the reception like yeah they had a DJ at this one and yeah it was a I suppose typical you know standard American reception you have you have dancing and then um actually they did have cake so I think traditionally in American weddings you you have a wedding cake.
But I've been to a handful of weddings the past few years and, like, I don't see cake served as often anymore.
Or, like, the people hosting the weddings will serve cupcakes or other kinds of desserts.
And, yeah, it seems like one of those traditions, those general traditions that might be going by the wayside.
I don't know. Like, I had cake at mine.
I was like, oh, wedding cake, that's, like, one of the best parts as well.
I don't know. I I was definitely looking forward to that.
But yeah, it's not as common these days.
But yeah, they did have cake and just mingling, catching up with family members, dancing.
Yeah, the rest of it was just a good old wedding celebration.
Cool. Before we started recording Indiana, we were talking about some wedding traditions and how some traditions are dying out.
And we're lamenting that we are kind of sad that some traditions are going by the wayside.
As you said, and that's a great expression guys to add to your vocabulary.
If you don't know this one to go by the wayside just means to become irrelevant or not so popular anymore and to fade away and just, yeah, not, not be practiced anymore in terms of these kinds of wedding traditions.
So it's funny that you mentioned cake because I'm thinking about my wedding and we didn't have a wedding cake at my wedding.
So I'm kind of sad that some of these traditions are dying out.
And then at the same time, I didn't do anything to keep it alive.
So yeah, maybe I'm part of the problem.
Well, I was wondering, Andrew, because, you know, your wife is Korean.
Did you blend elements of Canadian wedding culture and Korean wedding culture?
And have you been to many Korean weddings?
What are the traditions that you see there?
Or are there many? many?
Yeah, I think in terms of Canadian wedding culture and Korean wedding culture, at least modern Korean wedding culture and Canadian wedding culture are almost exactly the same.
And I think what's happened is, you know, I'm sure a few hundred years ago, if we were to go back, you know, 300 years, there'd be huge differences between the two wedding styles.
But now, Now Korean culture has sort of merged more with a Western culture, at least in terms of weddings, and I think the weddings are really similar.
The clothes are similar, brides are wearing wedding dresses that look the same.
Now there are traditional Korean style weddings that are very, very different, but those, yeah, they're pretty rare.
And in fact, I've never been to one before, all of the weddings that I've been invited to in Korea, and I've been to quite a few weddings here have all been sort of Western style weddings.
There are a few differences, I guess, in a Canadian style wedding.
And maybe Indiana, you can tell me if this is common in an American style wedding.
I feel like Canadian and American weddings are pretty, pretty similar.
But here in Korea, after you get married, there's usually somebody who sings like a congratulatory song to you or a celebration song.
And so the bride and the groom will be at the front of the wedding venue.
And the friend or whoever has been asked to sing the song will come up and sing the song directly to the couple.
So that's kind of unique.
And that doesn't really happen in Canada.
Does that happen in the States at all?
I think that nothing, that's not a standard thing.
You might see that, you know, because you can do whatever you want with your wedding, but that's not a tradition of any kind.
I remember at my cousin's wedding back in Canada, he's a musician and a singer.
And so later in the event, there was a band playing during the reception and then he actually got up and sang a couple songs.
Like he joined the band and played and then some of his family members also joined the band and played.
And that's just because they're like musical on that side of the family.
So that kind of makes sense, but I haven't really seen that singing singing directly to you and it's always it's a little bit awkward to tell you the truth because you're sort of at least for my wedding my good friend sang a song for us and she did an amazing job but it's a little bit awkward because you're like sort of standing at the front of your wedding venue and like all the guests are looking at you right and then your friend is singing the song to you and you sort of got to be like ah yeah amazing like you're so good but it's like a private concert but public at the same time so it's a little
awkward but it's fun it's fun and in terms of like other differences here for Korean weddings and western weddings I mean our listeners can chime in and tell us as well some of our Korean listeners ah one thing that's kind of funny and uh yeah I guess weddings in Korea and probably all around the world I think have a photographer right it's a very special event special moments in your life and you want to remember that forever and have some nice pictures and memories and stuff so yeah I mean at the wedding that you were just at was there there were photographers I assume but maybe also a film
crew is that what people do these days they have a videographer as well yeah sometimes it gets really expensive to to hire a videographer in addition to your already expensive photographer.
So it's, yeah, I think it depends on what your budget is, but it's definitely common. There are photographers milling around and snapping photos during the reception.
I think what a lot of people do these days is get the wedding party.
So that's like all the groomsmen, the bridesmaids, maybe the parents of the people getting married.
get everybody together a few hours before the actual wedding and just get all those photos done ahead of time just get it out of the way um yeah i think that's what i did and yeah it seems like so you're not busy taking photos during your whole reception it's kind of a waste okay so this is that's an interesting point that you hit at because here in korea what people will do is like really early before the wedding like months before the wedding almost when they're are sending out the invitations and inviting people they'll do the wedding photograph but they'll get dressed up in the suit and the wedding
dress and take those photos like three months before the wedding so i always think that's kind of weird you get like the invitation and there's a photo included and they're like wearing the wedding dress and looks like they're already married but yeah i guess getting things done ahead of time saves some time and causes less stress on the day itself.
So that's probably the reasoning behind that.
But the other interesting thing about a Korean wedding is that after the wedding is finished, then there's always group photos.
So the wedding's finished, the ceremony's done just before you go to the restaurant for a meal.
They don't really have a reception like party in Korea.
It's just sort of a meal together and then you go home.
That's a little bit sad.
I like the reception the best. The party time is my favorite part of the wedding.
But so the wedding ceremony is done and then it's group photo time and they'll always say, okay, first bride's side of the family come up on the stage and we'll all take a photo together.
So everybody goes to the stage or the front of the wedding venue and you'll take a photo and then it will be, okay, now it's the groom's family come up and then they go sort of group by group because there'll be like coworkers.
A lot of people invite their coworkers to a wedding here.
So coworkers come up, or I don't know, friends come up, and you do these different group shots.
And then finally, it will be everybody come up.
And so yeah, you have these different group shots that happen at the end of the wedding that we don't really do in North America, I think.
In American weddings, I'm guessing that you don't do those kind of group photos.
Is that right? right uh yeah i guess it depends i did take many family group photos at my own wedding but i didn't see any of that happening um at this wedding i just attended so probably it just depends what your priorities are um yeah if you're like really into having photos uh making maybe a wedding book full of all your photos sending it to all your relatives i know that some people go all out after the wedding and get a really expensive wedding book book commemorating the event but um yeah I think it just really depends it's like probably a budget thing too and a priority thing yeah yeah
absolutely so Indiana I'm at the stage in my life now where most of my friends are married and I think I probably don't have to go to a wedding for a while like of course I still have some single friends and you never know people can get married and things can happen and change all the time.
But that season in my life where all of my friends were getting married kind of in rapid succession and I was going to weddings often, that kind of period of my life has slowed down.
And I think going forward, I probably won't have to go to too many weddings.
I have none that I have to go to on the horizon.
What about you? Where are you at your point, your stage in your life?
Do you think you'll be going to many weddings in the near future?
Do you have any that you have to attend in the upcoming year?
I do. We'll see about the coming years.
But this year, I have two more.
But at least they're kind of spaced out in a nice way where it's not back -to -back and I'm not traveling, rushing.
I have one in June I have to go to and an October.
So it seems like a good gap between those weddings.
And one will be in Colorado.
The other, I think, is in Wisconsin.
Um, never been to Wisconsin, so we'll see what that's like.
I heard they have good cheese there in Wisconsin.
I have heard that too.
So I'll be trying some cheese.
Okay. One final question and then we'll wrap this episode up, but I'm just curious, and I think many of our listeners may be also curious about this, but in an American wedding, whether it's kind of just a traditional wedding or a special wedding, like a Jewish wedding or or other cultural tradition, what is gift giving like these days?
I was talking a second ago about Korean weddings.
And this is another difference is that you usually don't give a gift, you give money.
And this is the interesting part, Indiana, you when you go to a wedding, you got to keep track how much money did I give to this person?
Because when it's your turn to get married, the expectation is that person will return the money with the gift so for example indiana if i went to your wedding when you got married and maybe i gave you a hundred dollars as a wedding gift then i would make a note of that and when i got married i would invite you and the expectation is that you should give me that 100 back it's kind of a very weird interesting sort of system they have going on here about giving giving gifts in in korea so what about in america these days i know there's gift registries maybe you could talk about that and do people
give money or is it an item what's gift giving culture like around a wedding so these days you you definitely want to have a wedding website and on the website it'll have all of the information about the event and and things that might be happening beforehand, things to do in the city where you're going to have the wedding or whatever the destination is.
And it should probably include a registry or like information about what the couple wants as a gift. So I went to a wedding last year where the couple said, we don't want any gifts, but if you want to donate to our honeymoon fund, fund here's a link and you'll send us money directly through here.
Otherwise people will typically have a registry where they actually select different gifts like items for the house that they want and like have this just this big list and you can order from this kind of wish list and if they don't do that I think yeah it would just be expected that you know along with maybe a congratulations on your wedding card. Somebody might bring a check with some money and put that in the envelope.
Yeah. Most people don't get upset about receiving a check or receiving some money, right?
Hard to get your nose turned up about that.
That's true. That's true.
I don't think anybody would be upset with that.
But as far as that transactional thing you're talking about, I give you a hundred you give me a hundred I don't know if there's a deep -seated culture around that but I definitely personally pay attention to that like I think if if somebody got me this really expensive gift or gave me like a huge really expensive yeah just a lot a big check you could say and then I went to their wedding I would make sure that whatever I i got was if maybe it doesn't have to be the exact price but commensurate you know similar in value uh to what they gave me you know it seems like i don't know it's probably not something
to worry about for american weddings but um yeah that's probably some basic politeness like just considering what somebody did for you sure yeah yeah i think this is something that's just sort of maybe a human trait right like it's kind of natural that we're going to pay attention to that kind of thing maybe here in korea it's a little bit more out in the open but i think yeah most people around the world are probably doing a little calculation in the back of their head when it comes to literal calculation yeah yeah and the registry is interesting as well because this was i guess guess kind of something
that emerged maybe 20 years ago or so maybe a little bit before that with you know online shopping once online shopping took off i think this was the thing that started the registry and i guess the idea is here like you know maybe you have a brand new toaster you don't need a toaster so it's like i i know you guys are going to buy us a wedding gift but please please don't buy us a toaster.
We don't need one. We just got a brand new one.
But I remember a lot of my family members, my older family members, when, you know, some of my cousins and friends and stuff were getting married and we had to go to weddings and they did give a registry.
Some people, some of my older friends and family being a little bit upset.
They're like, this is so tacky that they're like expecting a gift and saying, buy us this, buy us that.
and I guess now it's probably become commonplace and that sort of that tackiness image or feeling has worn off but I don't know what about for for someone in your generation is are there any feelings like that about a wedding registry or is it just kind of common and accepted now I don't think so I think there probably are some people who feel it's like a little too consumerist or commercial, like they don't want to participate in that, which is understandable and I definitely get it.
But then also you have to think about the perspective of your relatives who like your mom, your aunt, who you're really close to, they're so excited to see you get married and they want to give you something that you're going to look at and be like, oh, my aunt gave me that for my wedding.
And I think about that when I see it.
So I think like gift gift -giving can feel awkward, but it's also such a pleasure to give something really nice.
It's such a milestone.
So I don't know that I think I did feel like, do I want to registry?
But after thinking about it more, you know, and it's, it is such a normal thing in American wedding culture.
Yeah. I mean, it's kind of a nice thing to like, to let people do something really nice for you at this important stage in your life.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
I guess that's It's true.
Maybe that's the part that people are upset about is like, you want to give a meaningful gift. And if you're just buying something off the internet and getting it shipped directly to the couple, maybe that meaning is gone.
Right. But I can understand it from both perspectives.
Like you don't want to end up with five toasters.
Right. And I'm making a joke about the toaster because that's like the classic wedding gift that I guess maybe back in the day, maybe these days people don't give toasters, but you know, back in like the sixties, seventies, that was the, the funny classic gift to give a couple was a toaster.
So yeah, I'd love to throw it over to our listeners, Indiana, and ask them about this kind of gift -giving culture surrounding weddings in the countries and the cultures that they're from.
So guys, if you have anything to add to the conversation, we're all ears.
We'd love to hear what you have to say.
And I love comparing cultural differences from around the world.
So we'd be very interested in hearing your perspective And the best place to share your comments and your perspective with us is on our Discord community.
That's where QLips listeners from all over the world gather and we chat and hang out and practice our English and become more fluent together.
I think these days we're getting pretty close to the 8 ,000 member mark on our Discord community.
So we have thousands of people who are there and yeah, it's an awesome place to hang out.
Indiana and I hang out there as well quite often.
So if you have a question or a comment for us about this episode, you can also leave it there.
We'll see it. The rest of the community will see it and we'll all keep the discussion going about this topic over on our discord. scores.
Also, some of the content in this episode was a little bit difficult, and if you need help with it, that's okay.
We've got you covered.
There's a helpful study guide, an interactive transcript, a quiz, some questions that you can use for speaking practice or writing practice that you can get if you are a Q -Lips member.
So if you'd like to sign up and become a Q -Lips member for an affordable price and get access to all of the benefits and bonuses that come with with Q -Lips membership, then you can do that on our website, Q -Lips .com.
And we'll also be having some speaking classes about this topic as well.
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You can check out and see when that speaking class will be happening in the upcoming future.
Well, Indiana, I'm out of breath again.
a lot of announcements at the end but i think this is a good place to wrap things up so thank you so much for joining me today and thank you to everyone who has listened to us and guys we'll catch you in the next q -loops episode until then take care and goodbye bye
