Hi, my name is Ryan Reynolds.
And I feel philodendrous.
Oh my God.
About being Conan O'Brien's friend.
Little Who's Harry Crumb reference there for you.
Philodendrous, look it up.
Look it up!
I believe he says philodendron, but that didn't work.
So you changed it to philodendrous?
Correct.
You know what you are?
Yes, and I'm sorry.
You're a son of a bitch.
Oh, I am.
Fall is here.
Hear the yell Back to school.
Ring the bell, Brand new shoes walkin' loose, Climb the fence, books and pens.
I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
Hey there and welcome to.
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
And I do.
I need a friend.
It's never too late to become my chum.
Joined by Sona Movsesian.
How are you, Sona?
Good to see you.
I'm doing all right.
You're doing okay?
Yeah.
And Matthew Gorley.
Hi.
And Sona, quickly...
We should address the fact that you did lose your house in the fire, but you guys have found a new place that you might be moving into.
We have.
Yeah.
In fact, I was there yesterday for an inspection and I ran into a really nice man named Richard walking his dog.
And he said, I usually listen to you while I'm walking my dog.
Wow.
Yeah.
And I was like, I get to live by a fan.
That's nice.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Yeah, it is nice.
You hesitated for a second.
No, I mean, like, you know, there's a lot of good.
It's good.
It's a good thing.
He's really nice and it's a really nice place.
And I'm excited not to live at my mom and dad's house.
Yeah, that sounded like I mean, I love your mom and dad, but it can be difficult to live with your parents.
Yes.
Not meant to at a certain point.
Nope.
I'm guessing.
Is it Nadia?
Is it your mom who can kind of she can wear on you a little bit sometimes?
You know, yeah, she can.
Yeah.
And she means well.
She's she's well-intentioned.
They are unbelievable.
It was so nice to let us stay there.
But they also they watched a lot of Turkish soap operas.
What?
Yeah.
It's like all day.
I mean, not all day, but it's like a lot of Turkish because they're from Turkey.
They're Armenian.
It's important to note that.
But they're from Turkey.
Wait a minute.
Where do you where does one get?
Because I'm constantly looking for Turkish soap operas.
I got a guy.
You need.
Do you really?
No, no, no.
You know what's up?
YouTube.
Oh, so they watch them on YouTube.
Yeah.
Do you follow the stories?
No, I don't watch it with them.
I mean, I'm in my room watching TV on a on my laptop.
Yeah.
Like you're watching The Pit or something.
Yeah.
I got really into The Pit lately.
Yeah.
Would you do ever?
I mean, I'd just be curious what happens in a Turkish soap opera.
Are they the same kind of model as every soap opera everywhere?
It's just, oh, it's Turkey.
I think the lighting is different.
They're all gorgeous and have beautiful skin.
And then they... Eduardo, you want to jump in here.
Everything feels very dramatic.
I'm only familiar because my mom watches a Turkish novella.
It's basically a Turkish soap opera, but the Spanish channels have put subtitles and there's people speaking in Spanish over them.
And I asked her where they were from.
She's like, oh, it's in Turkey.
So they're popular, I guess.
Yeah.
There's certain countries that have dominated like Korean soap operas are legit.
My mother-in-law watches those.
Oh, really?
And in my travel shows, whenever we can, I try to do a local soap opera.
Yeah.
And we've done them in a bunch of countries.
And I cannot tell you how many times someone from Mexico has said I look familiar to them or they know.
They kind of know who I am, but they're not sure.
And I say, I'll show you who I am.
And I call up when I was on the telenovela that was in the Mexico City episode.
And I show it to them and they always enjoy it because I'm speaking Spanish the whole time, my version of Spanish.
Yeah.
And I love it because I have a mustache.
Oh, yeah, you always have a mustache.
I always try and have a mustache and try and exude authority, but I love being in foreign soap operas and I realize I haven't done a Turkish soap opera.
I'd love to be in one.
Yeah, yeah.
No, you don't seem thrilled about it.
I think you could do it.
You could do it.
I did an Armenian show.
Yeah, you did.
Was it a crime show?
I played a crime boss.
You played a crime boss.
First of all, they tried to make you look Armenian, and it did not work.
Oh, that's right.
I don't know what they did to me, but they, like...
Painted dark wrinkles on me or something?
They put dark eyebrows and then they put a dark wig on you.
Yes, on the palest man in the world.
Yes!
They gave me jet black curly hair and a crazy eyebrows.
And I'm a drug lord.
Yeah, and you just ordered guys to beat up another person.
Yes, and I had to say it in Armenian, which was very difficult.
Do you remember your line?
No, I don't remember.
Or, which means enough.
They were beating him up, and I said, enough.
And then you had a cigar in your hand.
I had a cigar in my mouth and I just sort of was trying to be like the Tony Soprano of Yerevan, Armenia.
But I have to say, in the new Max series for the second season, I think, yes, I did a medical drama.
Like their version of The Pit.
Yeah.
I did a medical drama and it was in New Zealand.
And I'm really excited for that to come out because I had to know all of this.
They gave me an impossible amount of medical jargon because I think they really wanted me to fuck up badly.
Did you do American accent or New Zealand?
I didn't do.
I didn't attempt the accent, I did not.
So sorry for that, but I think I did nail the medical jargon.
Do you remember your lines?
No, I don't remember my lines.
Did you guys ever watch American soap operas?
I did for a summer or two.
Me too.
Yeah.
My friend once lied to us when we were like 12 and said she made out with Austin Peck from Days of Our Lives.
And we believed her.
So we watched Days of Our Lives.
And then we found out she didn't ever make out with Austin.
How old was she at the time?
She was like 14.
Oh, so he'd be under arrest.
But we didn't like think of it that way.
We're like, oh, my God, she made out with Austin Peck.
But she just lied to us, just blatantly lied to us.
And we believed her.
And we all got into days of our lives to support the guy that she made out with.
To support him?
Wait, so how old was he at the time?
I mean, he must have been in his 20s.
I had no idea.
He had no idea who she was.
What an interesting.
So she just stuck with this lie.
Just lied about it.
Did you still talk to her?
No, that broke everything up.
Oh, yeah.
I wonder how she's doing.
She lied about a lot of stuff.
She also lied.
She said she was a model and we were like, you're five too, but okay.
Like we believed everything she said.
I don't believe anybody now.
I wish I had known you then because you were very gullible.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, can you give me some money?
I'm an ATM and I ran out.
OK, you don't look like an ATM.
I don't remember having to put cash into an ATM, but OK.
I guess they do have to be restocked.
But you do have arms and legs and a head.
Well, anyway, I'm a baby that only eats wallets.
They're just so gullible.
It wasn't just me.
It was like my friend group.
But you're unfailingly honest.
You didn't lie.
No, what do you mean?
Lie about what?
You're a very honest person.
So there are kids that will just say stuff like my brother, Neil, growing up.
He went to a different school than I did and he would come home and he would just say what did you learn today?
And he'd say, oh, today we learned.
And then he would just tell me things that were completely untrue.
And I was just a little kid.
So I believed him.
And you'd take them back to school thinking you knew.
Yeah.
I'd say my brother said he's so cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He told me oh, today we learned that there's a hole that they found in the earth and they lowered a camera in it and it went to the center of the earth and they took a couple of pictures with it.
Luke.
And then they felt a tugging on the line and they pulled it up and the camera was all mangled, but they were able to develop the film and they could see a T-Rex charging.
And I was like, what?
And he went, yeah, proof that there's a T-Rex at the center of the earth.
And Neil's a couple of years older than me and knew better.
Oh, Neil did this.
This is Neil.
No, no.
Luke was always like a priest.
He was just really good and like, well, I wouldn't tell an untruth.
Neil would just fuck with me all the time.
He told me so many lies and still does.
I talk to him every day.
He's always lying to me.
Did you do that, though, to Justin?
No, I didn't.
You did.
No, no, I didn't lie to Justin.
Justin was 10 years younger than me.
He was a little kid.
And so what I did to Justin was just broke his mind with strange games.
So he just wanted to play cops and robbers.
And I would say, oh, yeah, I told you this, right?
And I would just tangle him up in paperwork.
Yeah.
You drew your pistol.
And he'd be like, what?
You drew your pistol.
There's paperwork.
And I would get pads of paper from my dad's office.
You need to fill out these forms.
It's a bureaucracy.
That's a big part of being a cop.
That's worse than what Neil did to you, I think.
My neighbor saw The Shining before I did and told me about it, recounted it and completely lied about it.
And then when I saw it, was just forever wondering where he said that Jack Nicholson got his arm cut off.
And you know how a human can grow an arm back.
He grows an arm back and all this stuff.
And I just was expecting.
Was it a kid?
It was a kid.
Yeah, it was my age.
Oh, that's OK.
Kids are just crazy.
I think it's OK if you're a kid.
I just for a moment I pictured like a 35 year old neighbor.
Yeah.
And then it's time to call somebody.
Wait, why are you guys getting on my case about believing that my friend made out with Austin Peck?
When you guys believed all this shit, your brothers and your friend told you.
Good point.
We were all dumb.
Can I say something?
You just stood up for yourself in a way that I thought was deserved.
Yes, thank you.
I don't know.
I still think you're dumb, but...
It doesn't change anything.
It's impressive what you did.
Yeah.
Think of the three of us.
It's crazy that you believed that.
Yeah.
It is pretty stupid.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, let's get this podcast going.
My guest today, I am thrilled he's here.
He starred in the Deadpool films and the FX series.
Welcome to Wrexham, which returns for a fourth season on May 15th.
Absolutely delighted he's here today.
He's an incredibly talented screen actor, television actor, but also one of the funnier people you will run into in life.
He's crazy talented and a good soul.
Ryan Reynolds, welcome.
Oh, sorry.
Let's keep this.
Oh, what did I do wrong?
You didn't leave the pause.
We talked about this last episode.
Before you say the name, you're supposed to- I think I'm just excited that Ryan's here.
I understand.
And I should have told you literally seven years ago when we started this podcast.
He was 15.
But you did remind him right before we started recording.
Yeah, but you know, what you have to do is you have to hold up a sign that says pause because I'm a busy man.
Okay.
And I get excited when it's Ryan Reynolds.
Okay.
All right, let's give you the pause.
All right.
I'm thrilled he's here today.
Ryan Reynolds welcome.
Oh, the mouth noises.
I have to say there's no rhyme or reason to these interviews, but I talked to you about this a while ago.
Just Friends, I watched that with my wife.
It was a movie that may have been mismarketed.
It came out, didn't make a big splash.
Hilarious.
One of my favorite Christmas comedies.
It has so many hilarious performances in it.
And then we showed it to our kids.
And I mean, but everybody, it is a relentlessly funny movie.
And I remember telling you a bunch of years ago, I swear to God, that movie will endure.
It's going to stick around.
But you don't know about those kinds of movies.
I mean, you never know.
You never know when you're making it.
You're going like, oh, this is going to work.
This is not going to work.
When you're older, I think you can trust your experience and your instincts that line up.
But then when you're older, you also go, nobody knows anything.
Right.
So, but just friends, I, God, that was, we shot in Regina, Saskatchewan.
It's one of my few times that I've ever been scared of like going to jail because we, just as a joke me and the art department we made a sign that would go over.
It would snap over the welcome to Regina sign.
And it just said, welcome to Regina, which rhymes with fun.
And they, I got in trouble though.
You got in trouble?
But then they thought it was funny because it snapped off.
So at first it was vandalism.
Right.
And then it was class.
Then it was an art installment that could come down.
Yeah, yeah.
And I come from RCMP.
My dad, my brother is currently an RCMP officer.
I always say, you guys should just say agent.
It sounds better.
You're an RCMP agent.
Isn't that Royal Canadian Mounted Police?
Yeah.
I believe I was a royal mounted policeman in Canada.
We did a week of shows in Toronto a long time ago and one of the remotes I shot.
I either was sworn in temporarily or we just stole the costume.
Either way, i operated uh, at the border i threw snowballs at people trying to come in and out of canada dressed in that outfit.
And man, i've never felt power, more power in my life.
And polite and polite, i had pancakes in my pocket.
Oh my god, instead of a gun.
Yeah yes, exactly.
Syrup, little cartridges of syrup.
My dad used to bust guys with confetti.
He would just like walk up and throw the confetti at you.
And it's always fun when you and your three older brothers.
So it's just mayhem.
It's actual mayhem.
I mean, this is a horrible situation because I'm the youngest, so I'm the moving target.
They're brothers.
You know, I'm just the moving target.
Or harvestable organs.
And you know we would.
But as I got older we would get out on the lawn and it would be like an old-fashioned like.
Tom Cruise in Far and Away with the knuckles up, and we would just beat the living shit out of each other.
The neighbor would call the cops and the cop would be my dad.
That's not a cop we wanted to mess with.
But my dad got out of copping.
I mean, he wasn't big on the truth, so I don't know why.
But yeah, he got out of copping and then became a food broker, which we're like come on, that's CIA, right.
And he's like, no, I really am a middleman for jars of jam.
And tiny yogurts.
What?
He works for Meghan Markle.
Yes, yes.
Really tiny jams.
Harvestable jams.
Yes, exactly.
Made from the oils of Montecito.
If Jimbo Reynolds wasn't dead, I would say he is Meghan Markle.
Adjacent.
Many people have likened the two.
I have to say, there's so much to talk about here.
I am thrilled that you've come on the pod.
And you fascinate me because... And anger me and enrage me.
Because you have the leading man looks and all the abilities that come with being a movie star.
But...
When you send me a text, it is one of the funniest written texts that I've received.
And you blasted me a couple of weeks ago with these texts.
And I was reading them and I thought, this is a class A comedy writer.
You have a comedy writer's brain.
That took me 41 days to compose that one.
And it was just in case.
Before that, I had no idea I was going to be on the show.
I could tell it took a long time to compose.
You said day nine at one point.
You broke up the sentences.
Day nine.
Me, Wilson, you.
I basically, I think it was about like the dwindling licensing rights of the Academy Awards show.
How the fate of the future of film and television, of course, is on your shoulders.
Please don't fuck this up.
There are a few hundred thousand people who are, like you know, very selfish and dependent upon you know food and shelter.
Yes, yes, yes.
And, you know, adequate medical attention.
I was reading this thing, and I don't ever do this, but you sent me this really funny.
And my son loves your work, really loves Deadpool.
And he is a 19-year-old gentleman.
And I just said, I never do this, but...
Read this email.
And he was laughing out loud.
Oh, that's right.
No, no.
I mean just just and it's, it's.
It's really funny because I don't know.
You're in a class by yourself of people that can, I think, work both ends of that spectrum.
Slowly at the top.
Oh, I know.
I know you know.
We're up there together just holding each other.
I'm at a different top.
Oh, sorry.
You're at the big top.
You're at that top.
You're at the top of like Everest.
I'm at the top of a hill.
An anthill.
Oh, no, quite a hill.
Sona!
I'm in the prairies of Canada.
I'm in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, where the tallest hill is a curb.
Kids can sled on my hill.
I can see my house from the curb.
No, yeah, that's a very kind thing.
No, no, no.
I know you're not going to like a compliment, but... your facility.
And also, it's so perfect.
I know it took you forever to get Deadpool made.
And there's a whole saga of you saying, I know how to do this.
This needs to be a movie.
And I can't believe it took so long to make.
But the...
Deadpool's facility with language and his sort of rubber.
It's not just physical rubber man quality but also the verbal alacrity you have to have.
You've got that.
And I'm thinking that's because your brothers beat you.
Yes.
Because I had older brothers too that beat me.
Yes.
And I don't have as much of it as you.
They weren't as strong as your brothers.
And my dad was a microbiologist, so he couldn't- Fuck off.
So I'm saying he couldn't come in with that heavy cop energy.
My dad came in every now and then with like a slide, of a paramecium, and he'd say, now that's enough of that.
I'll release this paramecium.
Spare the rod.
Spoil the child with paramecium.
So what I'm saying is, you developed...
You evolved into a higher being because you had more, more to contend with.
That's what I say to you, sir.
I have exited some rooms through drywall.
I'll say that.
And my father was yeah, he was definitely very well, I'm just going to say it emotionally abusive.
But no, it's actually odd because my dad was tough and he was very, very like coiled emotionally.
And I think as you get older and he's passed away for I don't know, 10 years now or so.
Cause of death uncertain.
No, he died of something tragic.
But anyway, it was... How do you get laughs with that line?
You shouldn't.
He died of something tragic.
Big laugh from this side of the room.
Out of trust, I'm going to leave a large air hole now.
Okay.
And uh, as I was saying um no he, he was, he was, uh I.
The story changes when people pass away too.
It's like a your.
Your memory becomes like a less of a reliable narrator and it's becomes more of a feeling.
Like I was, you know, I've been, I'm pushing 50 here.
I've uh uh, I had some experience, some experience under my belt and I I'm listening to realizing I don't know as much now as I thought I did then.
So when I think about my dad and I think about how I internalized, however he was raising me and the other brothers, and certainly his relationship with my mom, it's not what it I started asking myself is that true?
Is that true?
Was he really that?
Or was that more romantic to think of it like that?
And he was not great in some ways.
And in other ways, he was great.
Like he really was.
And I think it just, in time that changed.
When you die, they will love you.
We don't have to worry about that.
We will not have to worry about that for four years.
So let's just settle down, everybody.
That is true.
It's going to be like an express.
He's going to have a huge effigy built.
The Conan O'Brien Library.
The Bruce Valanche log.
Bruce Valanche Bible.
He'll be giving the tours.
No, it's interesting you say that because I have the same experience.
First of all, my therapist would say your dad did the best he could.
And then I would say to my therapist, no, he didn't.
Oh, wow.
See, I'd cry.
And then we'd fight.
But let that sit for a second.
Your dad did the best he could, given what he had.
Yeah, he did.
But he really did.
My dad's dad would come home from his job.
He was like a city councilman in Alberta and then moved to British Columbia.
They bought their house for, I don't know, like a half glass of water and spit.
Yeah.
And, like, lived in this house.
But he would get out there and mow the lawn after work and he'd take his jacket off, not his tie, and he would fold his shirt up one cuff and then mow the lawn.
Like, this is not a man who knows how to fuck.
So, you know, like, very, like, conservative, right?
I mean...
Very conservative.
Well, wait a minute.
Maybe he just put up one and then the other and then jackhammer.
A Makita power drill.
I mean, I'm saying a lot of people assume I might fall in that category.
But what I do is I put one and then I put the other up, loosen the tie a little.
And I show them how the Vikings took Iceland.
Yes.
No.
Is that how they did it?
It's like every bully has a bully, right?
So he had those elements, but he also showed up.
He once went a long, long time without speaking to me.
And it was over something trivial and dumb.
But he would never miss a game.
Never miss a football game.
Never miss a baseball game.
Always there for a catch, even though it would be silent and super fucking awkward.
Yeah.
He would do it.
Yeah.
And and he had that that guy had a right arm that you would not believe he had.
He could he broke the little bone in my finger.
I had to switch to a catcher's mitt and he did that underhand.
Like so when people are like, oh, that's a softball question.
I was like, have you ever fucking caught a softball from Jim Reynolds?
No, you haven't.
Shut up about that sport.
God, if pickleball were around, there'd be a lot of dead people.
So my question is did your dad get?
Obviously I think the answer is yes.
He must have seen your career blow up.
And was it unalloyed joy or was it complicated?
No, it was joy once.
I kind of in his whatever, his measure of making it means uh.
Then it was yeah, except you know he didn't go to university.
But he didn't talk about that.
He had parkinson's.
He said the word parkinson's maybe three times in his life, also former boxer from who knows what you know um.
So he was very reserved with that, with praise, which is why i have an insatiable desire for validation.
So uh, we can unpack that later, never.
I love you guys.
You don't need that.
Well, I don't know what you're talking about.
Someone who has no need for validation.
Absolutely not.
But he would when I made quote unquote made it, I think then he accepted it.
He's very bummed that I didn't go to university.
I did, though.
I went for I'm not making this up.
I went for 45 minutes.
I wanted to meet the one teacher who's like a guy that Dr. McClain was his name.
He was he got his doctorate in prison.
He was a think a Hell's Angel or something, but went to jail for 20 years or something, long time.
And then, but got his education in jail and became an author and wrote a book.
And I read this book.
I went there, I met him, beautiful, lots of prison tattoos, but also beautiful pastel sweater.
And then I walked back out the door of Kwantlen Polytechnic University in British Columbia and I drove to Los Angeles.
So you went in knowing I'm going to meet this one gentleman, and then I'm turning around and I'm going to Los Angeles.
Yes.
Okay.
So you knew.
Well, no, no.
I really knew once I was inside.
I just thought, I'm not ready for this.
Like, I don't think I can do this.
I only had one brother who really was adamant about going to university and it stressed the hell out of him.
And I just thought, I don't want to be a food broker.
So, and you don't, my dad did it without a university education, so.
Did you do Groundlings when you got to LA?
I think you did.
I did do Groundlings, but I moved to LA to be in Groundlings and of course it doesn't work like that.
You don't just show up and go, ready for the main stage, everyone.
I can give you Streisand, I can give you everything you want.
No, you go through the class.
That's what I did.
When I showed up in LA and I was like, I'm ready to perform.
And they said, you will take these classes.
And I said, yes, I will.
And I did, but at least I got stage time.
That's the thing.
And got to improvise with some great people.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Well, they're so good.
They're all so in shape.
You know what I mean?
That's a muscle, that kind of ability.
Oh, I thought you meant physically.
Physically?
No, no, no.
God, these are comedians.
No, I've never been in shape.
That's why I was confused.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
They get home and just vanish into a jar of...
But I would think you as an improviser that would be.
I could see you being devastating as an improviser.
I think it would be a fun space.
Just in the times that I've encountered you, we start fucking around instantly.
And I could see like, oh, this is someone who wants to play 24 seven is the vibe that you give.
I don't know if that's true.
I would say that you are a person that does it as well, but you can also pivot quite quickly to something that's emotional, because most people that are funny, I think, have some pretty, you know, deeply emotional people as well.
I think like comedy and drama subsist on the same thing.
Tension subverting it makes it makes moves you.
And if you have a like a film that has emotion, then you can or anything redemption called whatever you want, but it makes all that funny stuff so much more funny and rich and powerful.
So i loved groundlings when i did do their shows.
I used to do it like a once in a while, like a thursday cooking with gas show they had and um, and i would do.
I think i did armando a couple times here and then i loved it because there was no limit to it.
But on a film set, i don't want to.
I like it's almost like method acting.
I'm not gonna like when people are coming on a film set a deadpool film, anything i'm not gonna make my process, their process right.
So like i'd never want to be that guy.
So i was, i was chat and we talk and we say how can I help you feel awesome?
Even if an actor who's a day player comes in for one day, that's the hardest job in show business, because he's got two lines.
And he's going to over the fuck do it like you wouldn't believe.
Because in his mind, you know, there's no small parts, just small actors.
I got to crush the shit out of this.
And then you but you if you can make it safe.
I would love the soup, sir.
Oh, yeah.
We're going to liquefy you and I'm going to snort your ashes on the top of the plastic.
Oh, yeah.
Oh my God.
Just to say I did it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but I always say to them when they're leaving you say, hey look, if you just give me that moment, you're gonna drive home.
And yeah, when day players, yeah, you drive your cell phone.
And you have to touch everything in the car too, by the way.
You're gonna get in that car and you're gonna go, fuck, I should have done that.
And then I was like, then we go like, okay, take 10 minutes and think about what that is.
Yeah.
And then let's go do that.
And it's like this fun little trick.
And then you do that.
And then you say, now do the worst version you can do.
Like, I'm telling you, you're safe.
We'd never use the worst version.
Trust me.
But like, do the worst.
And then that's always the take that ends up in the show.
Because now you've basically said, like, you're as safe as you could ever imagine.
And I love that feeling.
So I'm not like a... My improv is like, I've written...
10 alts for each joke, but not just for me, but for my co-stars.
And it's a, well, here's a menu.
Is there anything you'd like here?
Wesley Snipes was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
I was like, you did not read that fast.
Come on, this one had a beginning, middle, and end.
Come on.
Wesley Snipes has gotten pretty far on nope.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
But then he delivered.
He was like, you know, I gave him this ice skate uphill line.
He was like, I'll do it.
So much.
You know, when I watched Deadpool and Wolverine, I mean I'm just I'm thinking the credit sequence at the top.
You know that served nine purposes.
Pretty much, but yes.
Well, but I'm thinking, I'm hard pressed to think of how much was packed into one film and to just be watching.
So my son and I love that we were going to that movie and something went awry.
And we got there and I just said oh, trust me, we're just going to miss like two seconds up top.
And we missed, I think we missed like 45 seconds of the opening.
That would have hurt.
That would kill me if I knew that.
It killed me to the point that we went back and watched it later on.
But it's rare that you can miss 45 seconds of a movie at the top and feel like, oh shit, I missed some sweet, sweet syrup, because the whole thing was
You just missed me singing along to the Marvel theme song.
They're so stupid.
You know, but it was they were they were amazing.
You could like make.
I mean, Bob Iger was, you know, he saw the film and the first time he saw the film is in pretty good shape.
And he he said, I got it.
You got to get out of move the one line, Ryan.
And I was like, what line?
You know, the line.
And I went, Mickey Mouse?
He's like, yeah.
And I was like, Bob, the whole movie orbits around that line.
Like, that line is the film.
It's the thrust.
The thesis.
It's everything.
And it's because my brain, when he says the one line, is like, precious.
Yes.
Must keep.
And so I really had to kind of like walk around his office a little bit, do a couple of laps, and then it was fine.
We were good.
We switched it up.
And he just didn't want the Mickey Mouse joke in.
And now it got not because of me.
They released this script for like WGA, you know, awards season and stuff.
And they just shower these kinds of movies with awards.
So, you know, I was dancing behind you and trying to suggest things at the Academy Awards.
Yes, you were.
Yes, you were.
What we're calling the Academy Awards situation.
Yes, yes.
You were in the situation.
I love that nobody knows that when I hosted the Oscars, that really was you as Deadpool.
Oh, my God.
No one knows.
Well, yeah.
Most would assume arthritis at this stage of the game.
Yeah.
They have pills for that, too.
Did you have?
I have a question, which is did you have an idea of what you wanted your trajectory to be?
Would you have been happy if TV had hit and that had worked out?
Or did you always know, like, pretty much where you wanted to end up?
Well, it's so different now.
It's like now people who are in film are hoping to gain enough respect to get a TV show.
Right.
If I could get White Lotus.
Yeah, a limited series.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
Everything happened perfectly.
My whole career was an aggregate.
It was very slow.
I never experienced that overnight fame thing.
And honestly, I think about how lucky I am because a lot of the guys that I came into the business with are gone and a lot of them are passed away or, like you know, things took these tragic, you know, turns where you hear about it, you know, one random Wednesday you're like what you know?
You just can't.
These are friends of yours.
Yeah, you know, in in Los Angeles, when I first met you, I lived in East Hollywood and and you know, everyone was partying, everyone was doing you know this, and that I just it was uh scary.
It's a scary place to.
Yes, You know, to be young and to have fame and money is a very, very odd combination of things.
And I thankfully was so slow with everything.
I wouldn't consider like I sort of hit it in a way.
When you asked me earlier with my dad, he never made it to Deadpool.
Like he never made it to that coming out.
He made it to, I was in post-production on October 25th in 2015 when he passed away.
It was three months earlier.
My daughter James is named for him.
So he's James Reynolds.
James does not like it when I call her Jimbo.
She'll grow to love it.
I know.
Yeah, I'm... And that's our dog, Hawk Tua.
Okay, you know what?
I'm going to stop naming things.
Yeah, don't name anything anymore.
Here comes my parakeet, Adolph.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
Poor sons of bitches around that time, right?
Who had that, stuck with that name.
God damn it.
I mean, we had a feeling at his first speech, right?
Yeah. you know, the, it was nuts.
Um, yeah.
Uh, yeah.
I don't know what the fuck we were talking about, but uh well, your trajectory, but you, just you took it one step at a time.
Yeah.
And I think it, it allowed me to enjoy it.
Like in, in points I've all, I'm always uncomfortable with the thing that I'm also, uh, in pursuant.
Yeah.
Right.
Like you're, Fame is a weird thing.
It has a little power to it.
It's odd, but like I I I, I found a way to kind of make myself appreciate that part of it more, because I love acknowledging and playing with the cultural landscape.
Whether it's a movie, a commercial, sports like, I don't care.
I just, I don't discriminate.
I love that they're in all those. all those areas.
So sharing fame made it way, way less weird for me.
Like when, when like a kid comes up and says, can I get a selfie with you?
I'm like, who's the most important person in your life?
And they're like, uh, my dad, Frank.
And I'm like, video switched to video.
I'm like, Frank, I'm here with fuck's your name.
Well, well, This is not a hostage situation.
He's fine.
Uh, but he wants, he, you're the most important person.
And he's like you're the one you were the phone, a friend, that was you, you know, and then you let it go.
It takes just a few seconds longer than a selfie.
Yeah.
But like now it's a fucking memory for them forever.
Yeah.
And it's a thing that I walk away feeling like good.
It's a great philosophy.
Uh, you will attest.
I, uh, I pursue people who don't want a selfie with me.
Oh, God, yeah.
And say, come on, you're going to like it.
It's going to be funny.
I've chased children into traffic.
Give me your phone.
Give me your phone, it'll be good.
It'll be good.
Who's the most important person in your life?
You don't know who you are.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, so there's neediness, and then there's neediness, but they will enjoy that one day.
I once made a video for lorazepam.
You know?
I mean somebody said lorazepam was the most important thing in their life and I was like okay well, I'll make a video for that.
I've seen it.
They air it now.
Yes, with a disclaimer at the end.
And I just want to say because I have to say this now every time I bring it up is that if you're having clay-colored stool or any other side effects,
Please consult a doctor immediately.
Razapam.
I feel like me again.
Trademark.
Pfizer Corporation.
You can bleep those out, right?
No, we're going to get that money.
Thank you very much.
You will not share it with you.
You will get none of it.
The clay colored stool thing really cost them a lot, too, because like you don't want that.
You don't.
Or do you?
Or do you?
You can pass it off as clay in our class.
If you listen to it while you're on the toilet and you put some unchained melody on and that comes out, you're like it's never going to happen.
Oh, my darling.
And Tack is holding you and you're both on the toilet.
Yeah, it's you, Soda.
Put me in this.
So you can sit this way.
Yeah.
I've never done this before, but can we just turn off the mics?
Just cut it.
Just cut the rap early.
I used to work with a studio executive who will not be named until we stop recording.
And he always aimed it at someone who ever stopped.
Jesus.
Yeah.
What do you mean, Jesus?
I mean, yes, we'll do your idea.
It means you don't point your crotch at me.
Yeah, for those at home.
Conan just went back in his chair and then aimed his crotch at everyone he was speaking to.
I learned from the best.
Yes, he did.
I do learn from the best.
And that man could use some underwear, I tell you that much, because that also is, yeah.
We are in a moment where, of course politically, there's some tension between Canada and the United States over tariffs.
What do you guys send us?
What do we send you?
And it occurred to me today that we have been getting some of the greatest comedians and comic minds and actors of all time from Canada.
I don't think we've sent you shit.
No.
I don't think we've exported much to you in the comedy realm.
And I think, if someone were to do a reckoning, just comedically, and you started to add up the Ryan Reynolds and the Martin Short and the Lorne Michaels and the Mike Myers, and it just goes on and on and on.
There's too many to even begin naming.
Seth Rogen went to the high school up the hill for me.
There you go.
No, no, Seth Rogen went to high school.
Oh, my God.
He can read?
Yeah.
Fluent.
A lot of kids who go to high school can't read.
You can pass.
I had to do a commercial in French-Canadian the other day and it was sort of like a very scary thing, because when you're in those schools you have to know French-Canadian.
You have to speak it fluently, and it just goes away.
It just goes away.
You don't use it.
It's gone.
So I was just like every terrible sob story.
All the French Canadians.
You're straight.
You should do a really sad tour where you go like people think I've got it all.
No.
Yeah.
But I can't speak French Canadian until I ask for a pastry in Paris.
And they're like, oh, is that French Canadian?
You're speaking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, not good.
We realize that Canada does have, it does have a lot of fun.
But what I'm saying is you've sent us, and then I'm thinking, what have we sent?
What have we sent you guys?
It's not a fair, there's an imbalance.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Thank you.
So there is an imbalance of trade in that respect.
And that's about as political as I get, but I think it's got to stop and it's got to stop now.
It's got to stop now.
That's a good, uh... Yeah, man, yeah.
I've had the Ackroyd voice in my head all day.
You've heard me doing my bad impression, but I can't get it out.
Sorry, I can't get it out.
Out, kid.
I'll tell you what, kid.
Fuck off back to Canada.
Dan Ackroyd, legendarily funny guy, but not someone... He's an unusual man.
You don't meet a Dan Ackroyd every day.
Nope.
And, uh...
One of the more underrated, though, I think, talents.
Oh, my God.
Like one of the smartest people you'll ever talk to.
But yeah, eccentric.
But we were talking about how his comedic ability to he did it on SNL in so many ways, but to fire information out of his mouth in in with great authority and accuracy.
No one else could do that like him.
He could pump half of the movie's boring exposition, make it funny, make it entertaining, into your mind in a third of a second.
I've never seen someone speak as fast as Dan Aykroyd does.
In Ghostbusters, he has a speech that must have been that long on the page, and it just comes out.
And you know it.
You still hear it all.
That's the trick.
And I just think he's, I'm kind of, I think I'm a little obsessed with him in some ways.
So he invited you to hang with him a little bit, right?
Yes.
But then he also wanted you to take off at some point.
Yeah, you got to come up here to Ontario, kid.
And then we're going to eat a dinner and you're going to sleep over.
And then in the morning we're going to do the interview and you're going to, you're going to fuck off back to where you came from.
That's what we're going to do, kid.
Bring an extra Order Canada pin for me.
And put it on and we'll do it.
Let's go.
You know, what I love is there's a reason he made the Dragnet movie because he is Jack Webb in some ways.
I think he is Jack Webb.
Because Jack Webb, if you ever watch old Dragnets, it's all...
Jack Webb just spitting out all this information, really square, cop, 1960s.
These are Bennys.
In his palm he would have a list or a whole bunch of pills and he would rattle them out really quickly.
Those are blue butterflies.
You know, and it was hilarious.
And then he did the Dragnet movie with Tom Hanks and he was fantastic at it.
That was back when, like the miscellaneous line item on like a production report is just like all cocaine.
Yeah.
And then you guys spent $80,000 on miscellaneous in one night.
What the fuck is that?
That's always the thing.
Dan also shows like a thing, a bit that Candy, John Candy, you know, you saw, I think you saw in Planes Trains, which you're seeing a performance.
It's heartbreaking.
Yeah funny, vulnerable and all the reasons I have always been and will always be very much in love with Mr John Candy.
But Dan Aykroyd, if you've ever seen Gross Point Blank, he gives the most unexpected villain performance I've ever seen.
It wasn't over the top.
It was just grounded and weird and it's infinitely watchable.
When I finally tracked him down because he's elusive.
I said I own money because I've stolen so much from him that I believe I own $41 million.
Yeah, 41.
Don't put that on paper.
No, not at all.
Because he'll take it.
I heard him jot it down, though.
But no, he's just a real gentleman too.
Like really, you know, just made a good stuff.
And he sells a tequila that comes in a skull.
Vodka.
Crystal skull vodka.
He's really into actual crystal skulls, right?
And aliens.
And UFOs.
And aliens.
Yeah.
Did you try any?
Did I try?
I think I've tried everything that exists at some point.
You know, tried it twice, right?
Yeah.
Clay colored stool.
Yes.
You can smoke it.
We don't have to go.
Yeah.
But don't smoke the lorazepam because I also have another PSA for that.
And you don't you don't want those side effects.
Oh, my God.
Or baby formula.
Don't smoke baby formula.
Are we going to list things you shouldn't smoke now?
Yes.
Most of them you when you smoke, you don't know you're peeing anymore for the rest of your life.
Just like you're like, oh, it's warm.
It's warm and comforting all of a sudden.
Like the womb.
A little stingy, a little cold.
Yeah, no, no, no, no.
I was never big on all of that.
It's probably why I'm like, as I come down a real, real heavy case of alive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've always wanted to do a non-alc commercial for like one of those um, you know, i wrote one i haven't figured out how to end it all yet but like, where people do the same things drunk people do uh, except on their non-alcoholic beverage yes, a choice where they're like, you know, the next, the next morning, they're like uh, you know, there's a woman who's like i went out with gail and the girls the other night and i don't drink, but I had a one night stand with this guy.
And then the camera just shifts over to him.
And he's like, and let me tell you something.
I don't drink either.
And I felt everything.
And she's like, I was awakened.
And basically says, you know, we got crazy in the middle of the night and we just decided, fuck it.
Let's have a baby.
And we just met.
I didn't know his last name.
And basically experiences that each person has, that you would normally think of.
The groom or the best man at a wedding you know gives a speech that's just fucking profound.
You know, and it's not like just the letter L for five straight minutes and then like an anecdote about himself.
You know, just nails it.
Toe pick, everything.
So I've always wished that's the angle.
That's the angle.
That would be fun with a little.
It could have been an advertising.
You missed out.
Yeah.
Because I can tell when you do your, whether it's Mint Mobile, and I'll give you guys a plug.
I think it's a fine service.
That's okay.
Yeah.
It is a fine service.
It's very good.
Your ads are very funny.
And I get the impression that you are behind them or steering them, because you have that kind of brain.
You like to say this is a commercial, but also call out that it's a commercial you love.
They know they're being, I mean, consumers know they're being marketed to.
Yes.
So don't.
It's not a very special episode of Dharma and Greg.
It's a fucking Tidestick commercial.
You know why I like them?
It's not just me, certainly.
I have some of the greatest, smartest people that, quite frankly, I find threatening who I get to work with.
I mean, Sean Levy, who I've done three movies with now.
It's like a brain trust.
I mean, every...
Movies that you sort of, quote, control are like, you're not controlling it.
They just trust you.
You know, you said like, hey, I'm going to land the plane.
You know, I remember trying to get my Deadpool and Wolverine movie made and I just focused on that.
I was like, I will return your investment.
Like, I will return your, I got you.
Like, I am not a reckless, you know, pilot.
I will land the fucking plane on a dime.
It will be a four quadrant movie.
R-rated film.
I'm going to make Disney's first fork water R-rated film.
And this is after they said no to 18 different things, including a movie where Deadpool is after the hunter who killed Bambi's mom.
They said, we don't touch Bambi.
And I said, you said you don't touch Mickey Mouse.
We don't touch Bambi and we don't touch Mickey Mouse.
You know what?
Given the profits and what you've shown, I think you can do it now.
Yeah, no, we did.
Yeah, but that's a part of our responsibility too is people that produce the movie and we co-write the movie and we're back to all those things.
It's like making sure it works.
Because I've done movies that are, you know, small films, that are in Sundance and all that stuff, and I loved making them.
And they were hard to make and you know they would get great reviews and everything, but then it would just you'd find out later just bankrupted whatever little tiny studio made it.
And I thought, I'm going to be out of work.
They are getting out of work.
I got to find a, I got to find a job that fits.
So it it's a win-win.
You know, if I want to do it for the rest of my life, I'm gonna have to figure that out.
And then it grew to all of it.
Like, Oh, the other thing, I love commercials when I was a kid.
Like, if you saw a good commercial, it stayed with you.
Yes.
You know and I was one of those kids, like you probably were where you're sitting there two inches from the TV and just trying to stay up as late as humanly possible.
Being radiated, because TVs back then ran on plutonium.
Oh, my God, right?
I know.
And my face was melting.
He's 22, by the way, and that is scarred for life.
Oh god yeah, oh my god, yeah.
No, we sometimes turn off the lights in the studio and I'm a grinning skull the teeth whitening.
It's gotta stop Really, the biggest change for me was Green Lantern, because it didn't work.
I watched a studio throw money at the problem after problem after problem instead of creating.
Constraint is the greatest creative tool in the world.
And that's why I like commercials because there's an economy to them.
You have to make them quick.
You have to be not precious about them.
You know, it's a fucking commercial.
Who cares?
It doesn't have to be a Fellini film.
It'll either work or it doesn't or it moves at a speed of culture.
So it's at least relevant.
Like it's a it's an easier way to kind of fix it, you know.
But the that movie was where I changed my life, because I just saw, you saw, this is going down or this isn't.
I don't think this is coming together and they're just throwing more millions at it.
Yeah.
And it was really like that's hard for everyone because it's it's too much money, too much time will murder creativity.
Like if you have to, if you're under constraint, like the next movie I did was Deadpool, which had a 56 million budget, I believe, which is nothing.
Like I think they probably spent $250 million. on Green Lantern, and this one had nothing.
So you had to supplant or change all of these action spectacle set pieces into movies that, like you remember, the dialogue, not the thing, because audiences also are inured to special effects.
Like if you, the world in danger, I was like, I loved it.
The character's like, I don't give a shit about the world.
Like, I care about those people.
Right.
And no one else.
I've been saying this for years.
I refuse to see a movie.
At a certain point, I declared I will not see a movie that has a portal.
If a portal opens up.
We did use the portal.
I know.
But we did call it the Marvel Spark.
Yes.
You had fun with it and made fun of it.
There are so many movies where clearly they don't know what to do.
So what they have is six people put the nine stones together and then the sky opens and anything can come out, and it doesn't have to make sense.
I love that this is your cause because most people are like, oh, politics and kids these days.
And you're like, portals, portals, portals, portals.
I saw another portal today.
Yeah.
Get out of my portal.
A dragon made of fire and lava came out of the sky and punched Captain America, who's a strong man.
Yes.
And he fell down, but then got up and punched the dragon and it went flying.
Preach, sister.
I'm sorry.
I know that there's people think there's problems with. racial inequality, gender inequality.
There's a poverty in the world.
Don't even get us started on tariffs.
But all of that can be fixed by portals if you'll just allow it.
No, a dragon will come in and smash it.
All bullshit.
I watch it with.
I love the the use of it because you could say anything in the deadpool movies.
We just, you know, i loved watching, i loved watching kevin feige watch.
The thing back got together where deadpool's like he's like you know listen, we don't have to do this.
You know there's a big fight about to happen and they're like no, we're gonna fuck you up or whatever the line is.
And and he says no, i'm not.
I mean the multiverse it's not, it's not working it's, It's not great.
It's just been miss after miss after miss.
It's been two Ant-Mans forward and one Black Adam back and it's not working.
Uh and, and you know kevin wince on each miss, so funny and and yeah, but then what a sport like.
But you make a really good point, which is that i do find that that's what's missing, is a good movie gives you a couple of people and you, if they're doing it right, you really care about them.
I know it sounds corny, but i was watching the third man, orson welles.
Oh, Vienna.
Vienna.
And I watched that a couple nights ago.
And God, they had me caring about these three people in Vienna in 1948.
And I think the movie cost $11.
But oh, my God, it's fantastic.
And I do think that CGI had people thinking oh, we don't need that so much as long as because people really care that that portal gets closed.
Yeah.
And you're like, I'm not sure they do.
They don't really care if the portal gets closed.
He's back on them.
I'm sorry.
He's back on the portal.
I knew we were going back there.
The scene that we've seen so many times where one character is on one side of the glass and there's the radiation and it's you, it's Deadpool.
I Spocked him.
Yes.
Deadpool, Wolverine.
And it's the parody of that scene.
And one of the things that, in a weird way, I got suckered into caring.
I was caring about the people in the scene.
And then you start fucking around.
Once.
I did it just to make you laugh.
And I swear to God, there's one.
It's actually.
We had to realign my head a couple times because the going down the stairs didn't work quite well.
So we were like rejiggering it, trying to get it right.
But I just did it to make you laugh, because there he is shirtless, hasn't had a carb since the 80s.
He's like, oh my God, like, you know, can we just get through this scene so I can have a bagel?
And, you know, I'm fucking around.
It's just terrible.
A horrible friend.
Yeah.
You know what's so sad?
The first time he said it, I thought he said to make you laugh.
And I thought he was saying, Conan, I put that in just for you.
And then I realized, no, he means Hugh Jackman.
And I suddenly lost interest in you as a person.
I actually had the same problem with the Whitney Houston song.
Oh, the Dolly Parton song.
But I always thought it was Hugh.
I always, always loved Hugh.
And then I was like, wait, you?
No, she meant it.
She wrote it about Hugh Hefner, which is weird because it's, yes, it's very sexist.
Yeah, yeah.
She likes that he's commodified women's sensuality.
I don't know.
Commodified, that word's come up three times today.
It has?
Yeah, yeah.
I was sitting next to someone who said commodified and I was like, I think you mean commodified.
And he's smart as shit.
So I felt the power in that moment, right?
I was like, oh, I have something over you right now, don't I?
No, I knew what I was doing because I've trademarked co-modify.
Oh.
I got you to say it.
You and McElhenney because it was McElhenney.
Robert Copernicus McElhenney.
McElhenney was walking around here earlier.
You guys were working on something in our...
We often use your office.
I let you use my office to shoot a major film.
No, one of your, I think for your Wrexham project, you guys were shooting something.
And I said, yes, yes, of course.
Mi casa, su casa, which I believe is, I think that's Spanish, I think.
Yeah, no, that's German.
Oh, that's German.
Yes, mein casa.
Mein casa, yeah.
Su casa, but it's angrier.
Anyway, I saw you when I first walked in.
I see you and I see McElhenney and I give you a hug and it's like this is Ryan Reynolds takes good care of himself, works out.
I hug you and I'm like, well, this is an impressive lad.
And then I turn to McElhenney, I hug him.
That guy is- Yes, I know. alabaster yes no heart is a rock heart is a rock heart is a rock right now uh he is um just describing it your heart is a rock right i saw him without his shirt how you feeling now there you guys were expertly lit and in slow motion in my mind when i saw you guys coming together no no macklehenny don't don't uh don't sleep on that body if well sleep on it if you can uh happily married though so don't try uh but he's uh yeah he's a rock he's a beast Incredible.
So, yeah, Rob, I treat with respect.
You better.
With kindness.
Yeah.
Occasional condescension.
And that's about it.
Yeah.
Mostly just those things.
But he did say co-modified.
Not great.
He fucked up, not me.
I wouldn't do that.
Just finished like two years of just in the guts of something, you know, with them.
I always think of filmmakers like Sean Levy is more like a brother.
We say we just love each other.
Three movies together.
We're going to do a fourth one at some point.
But that like filmmaker word is not broad enough, though, because like it's so when movies work.
You guys talked about this on one of the shows.
I think it was like Adam Scott.
How, like, they're hard to make a movie.
A movie's hard to make, right?
It's impossible.
Yeah.
Like, everyone has to be excellent, like, really, and care.
People sort of underestimate how valuable caring is.
And you know when you work with a props department or a production designer who, in his cells, wants to make the best possible Our Deadpool and Wolverine Ray Chan.
He passed away unfortunately, on our last fucking day of shooting too.
It was really...
But it was one of those things where in post we got to put Easter eggs of them everywhere in the movie.
But that movie would never have done what it did, or connected with people the way it did, without this guy.
And I consider a production designer a filmmaker.
Sometimes a costumer is a filmmaker.
Sometimes it's a cinematographer.
It's a more vast pool than I think people understand. realize you know there's a lot like it's part of why it changed my trajectory when I was at the right time was you know you do a movie and you're working with people who if there's one person in charge and that is it my way or the highway you get everyone into a yes sir no sir you know like when I pitch a joke I'm always like okay here's the shittiest version possible but and I'm what I'm actually doing is inviting dissent I want you to disagree like disagree with me because then then we're gonna have fun it's gonna get better right and you may have an idea that it's amazing that you've suppressed because i'm like this is the way um but it's that pool always has to be expansive and and then you make great stuff and then it's why movies are like you know i was so happy you were hosting the oscars because like You I think you've now and have always understood the joy of of collective effervescence.
It's why you work in front of a live audience a lot too, which is why you know, some make things with people, which is always the magic is we.
This is a group of us.
If you have a good audience, you can make them part of it.
I like I think it's coming from a family.
Yeah, I like to do things with people.
That's another example of why I love this man.
You've got to say my name because they might be confused.
Oh, he's pointing to me.
Gale.
Cone Cone.
Has anyone ever gone Cone Cone?
They've never gone Cone Cone.
Let's not do that.
The reason I love you is that you don't punch down.
It's not your vibe.
Oh, no.
I would very much like to be the joke.
These are the best targets.
Yes, me too.
I've done it.
I did it once in my life, and I deeply, deeply regretted it.
And it was 22 years ago, and it was such a lesson they'll never forget.
So it's on late night.
But it was a little bit like when just a comedian or the guy with the microphone starts picking on someone and you're just like they don't have a microphone as well.
It's not fair, you know?
And just that land, that left a mark that I'll never, ever forget.
Yeah, you can't, if you think you've really hurt someone's feelings...
As crazy as it sounds and you're in comedy if you really think you've hurt someone's feelings, unless it's Mussolini or Stalin.
The fuck?
How did you know?
You, George told you.
You have trouble, like it can't sleep.
You know you wake up and you're just, you know, wide away.
It was yeah, and the person.
It gets worse.
I um, i wrote a long note to the person afterwards and i said i don't know why that came out of the mouth and it was because i'd seen them like a couple days before.
Yeah um, near the apartment i was renting in santa monica.
This is so long ago and i sent, i wrote a long letter to him, sent him a case of champagne.
I don't know, i was young, no one drinks champagne right, i don't know uh, and uh, uh.
Later i read a story about his wife saying that he fell off the wagon back in june and i think yeah no, it was, i didn't.
I had no idea this was before.
You don't just google someone like i didn't know.
So you mocked him and then your apology was to send him the substance, this that he had successfully kicked.
Fuck me, like i, really.
And then so that's where i got the lesson to never And if you're listening right now, don't apologize.
Yeah, no, no.
He's fine and wonderful.
And may I say thriving.
I will tell you that I have had the same thing just like twice in my career, where I said something.
It just slipped out of my mouth.
I'm doing a volume business.
It got back to me that the person's feelings were hurt and it felt like I had been shot.
And I wrote a letter and sent it to them.
Like, I'm so sorry that you, you know.
I mean, as parents, you see, I mean, I do that all the time with the kids.
If you like, if you get down, kneel down to their level and say hey, when we last night, when you wouldn't, you know, go to bed and you did all the sorry street art on the wall.
Yeah.
I could have handled that better.
And I wasn't great.
I wasn't good at dadding.
And I'll even do the do-over.
I'm like, can I try?
Can you make some more street art for me?
Over there.
But on the paper, and I will come in and I'll do it again better.
I love that you're asking for a retake.
Yeah.
Basically, that is what I'm doing.
I'm imposing.
Let's go again.
Who doesn't want a child actor?
You sociopathic monster.
Let's skip showbiz and just enroll you straight into cocaine.
Right here.
And then go into showbiz with all your injuries, emotional injuries.
Yeah.
We have to wrap this up because we've kept you for too long and you're a man in demand.
Ryan, you are one of my favorites.
I say that at the end of every podcast.
I know.
I know, but I'm still going to react.
Sometimes I'm talking to absolute criminals in jail and I say you're one of my favorite people and I believe you're innocent of those 19 murders.
Yes.
Which you would confess to.
Jay Leno fell.
We were all looking for the Hampton Inn.
You pushed him down that hill.
Who doesn't look for a Hampton Inn when you're a millionaire?
Ryan, you are so fast.
You were so fast and so funny and making so many people happy.
And I'm thrilled that we could spend time today and hang out.
I've never seen four hours go by as fast as it just did.
Uh no, i'm serious.
I this is one of those things where you, when i could tell in your voice it's time to wrap it up, and i got genuinely sad because i, you know, you are an idol of mine, you are somebody who i've watched and dare i say that the risk of over praising, look up to and uh uh always have always will, because you're kind uh, you have integrity and you can.
That doesn't mean it costs you subversive comedy or any of those things.
All that edge is there and It is a high bar you set.
You always have.
And that's why I did the Jay Leno thing.
I just, I fucking snapped.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I forget everything before 2010.
It's all gone.
But you didn't forget my wire numbers.
Oh, Cayman Islands.
Ryan, thank you so much.
And God bless.
I bless you and I am a God.
So God bless you.
I know you are a deity.
Deus?
What is that?
Isn't that what they call it?
No, Deus is the thing you stand behind when you talk.
It's code modified.
Well, hey, at least we stopped the landing going out.
That's the important thing.
Also, we talked about a lot of Canadians.
Thank you for that.
I'm saying, and there's a huge trade imbalance here.
We're going to work on that.
We're going to have a caucus.
Is that what we say?
We caucus on it?
Okay, don't do that.
Legislative branches.
Your worship in Canada, that's a fun one.
You have to say your worship to the judge.
Do you have the little honor of Canada yet?
I do have it, yeah.
You know who one of the people I think wrote the letter?
It was Lorne.
That's nice.
He's a nice man.
I think he won't admit to it.
All right, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you all.
Go with blessings.
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gorley.
Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.
Theme song by The White Stripes.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair.
And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kahn.
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