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You want to realize where you are is a launchpad, not a trap door.
Where you're standing right now is going to propel you forward, not pull you down.
But when we tell ourselves a story and a narrative that where I am is the worst place ever, it forces us to stay there.
You're not stuck. You're stabilizing.
That's a part of growth.
You're not failing.
You're getting feedback that life didn't sugarcoat.
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose.
I'm Jay Shetty, your host, and I am so grateful that you've tuned back in.
If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you've subscribed to this channel so that you never miss a video.
And if you're listening to this on Spotify, Apple, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcasts, make sure you subscribe as well.
I don't want you to miss out on the exciting guests and themes that we have coming up later this year.
Now, this episode is all about what to do when When you feel like nothing's working.
I think we all go through moments in life where it feels like everything and everyone is against us.
It can even feel like the world is against us, right?
Things aren't going our way.
We're not experiencing those moments of luck.
Maybe you're always late for the bus.
The train's never on time.
Your car's breaking down.
The kids are having a really tough time at school.
core maybe you didn't get the promotion you were working towards and what you're wondering is what do i do when i feel like nothing's working and sometimes we get so disheartened we get so depressed that we don't even wonder that anymore we just assume that this is our life this is all it is and this is how it will always be if you feel stuck right now this episode is for you If you feel like you're in a rut or you've hit rock bottom, this is for you.
And if you're wondering how to build momentum and get out of where you are, this episode is for you.
I also want you to pass this on to someone who might benefit from it because I'm sure you have friends and family and people reaching out all the time and saying, hey, if I'm honest with you, nothing's working out right now.
Nothing's going in the right direction.
Before I jump in to how do we address this, I want to share something known as the frequency illusion.
Now, we've all experienced this in our life.
Think about it. Have you ever said to yourself, I really want to buy a red car or a certain make or model.
And all of a sudden, all you see on the roads is that car.
Every single car is that color.
Every single car is that model.
Now, are there more of that car on the road just at that moment in time?
Are there suddenly more red cars on the streets?
The answer is no. The reality is the frequency illusion is at play.
Because you're consciously thinking about something, you now see it appear more than the normal.
We all do this. And whether it's a red car or whether it's slightly salmon colored or whether it's slightly dark maroon, you still think it's a red car.
So when you're conscious of something, you frequently see it.
Therefore, if you believe that nothing's working for you, you will notice all the signs that nothing's working for you.
And if you believe that things are moving in your favor, you will notice all the signs that things are moving in your favor.
I guarantee you there was someone you smiled at yesterday and they smiled back.
But I also guarantee you there's someone you looked at the other day, smiled and they didn't smile back.
What you remembered was based on what you noticed.
What you notice becomes your reality.
You can either notice when people help you, open the door, take a step toward you, give you an opportunity, or you can notice when they didn't open the door, when they shut it in your face, or when there was no path forward. What we notice becomes a reality.
With that, I want to dive into point one.
Stop trying to feel motivated.
This is one of the biggest mistakes we all make.
We want want to feel motivated.
We want to feel excited.
We want to feel enthusiastic.
What I've learned very, very clearly is that if you wait for motivation, you'll be waiting a long, long time.
People who make moves don't wait for motivation.
People who make progress don't wait for motivation.
Actually, they do things when they don't feel motivated.
That's the key to success.
That's the the key to discipline is doing things when we don't feel motivated.
Motivation is this myth, this myth that you need to feel ready to take action.
Instead, we need to focus on building momentum, triggering momentum.
The truth is action creates motivation, not the other way around.
A lot of us think that I'll feel motivated, then I'll take action.
It's the other way around.
take action and then you'll feel motivated.
Now this idea is actually backed by science.
The Zygonic effect shows that starting a task, even imperfectly, creates mental tension that keeps us engaged until we finish.
This psychological principle, once you understand it, will transform the way you live.
It will stop you from waiting to feel ready.
Here's how it works.
Your brain remembers unfinished tasks more than finished ones.
When you start something, even just a little, your brain creates a mental loop that stays open.
That tension makes you want to go back and complete it.
That's why it's easier to keep working after you've started, but so hard to begin.
Motivation kicks in after momentum, not before.
So today, don't try to finish the whole thing Start badly Start briefly All you have to do is set a timer for 3 minutes Open the document Do one push -up Write one sentence That's it Because your mind will force you to go back to an unfinished task If a task has not yet begun you won't have motivation or momentum Once the task has begun gun, your mind and your brain are somewhat committed to finish it.
The mistake we make is we say, well, I'm going to do all of it today.
I'm going to finish the whole thing today.
And that becomes an insurmountable task.
The weight is too heavy to carry.
And we end up dropping the ball and feeling like failures.
So the mistake we make is we live in one of two extremes.
I'm going to do nothing, or I can't do anything because everything's against me, or I'm going to do everything perfectly, brilliantly, completely, and both of those mindsets set us up for failure.
Script one video, post one podcast, just start.
Once you start, the Zeigarnik effect does the rest. Stop looking for motivation.
Start small. Stop looking for perfection.
Start messy. messy.
Stop waiting for clarity.
Start moving. Stop waiting to be confident.
Start anyway. Stop waiting for the timing to feel right.
Start where you are, because the time will never feel right.
You'll never feel ready, because you weren't meant to.
You were just meant to get going.
knowing here's what i want you to do today pick one small task you've been avoiding set a five minute timer and just stop don't aim to finish aim to begin momentum will meet you there because remember the first thing you make won't be great the first video might feel awkward the first post might get ignored.
The first idea might not land.
The first time you put yourself out there, you'll probably cringe.
You'll overthink it.
You'll question yourself.
You'll wonder if it's even been worth it.
But remember this, the first thing you do won't be the last. Keep going.
you don't need motivation you need movement stop putting it off stop postponing your dreams and your ideas and everything you want to do all it does is put more pressure on it all it does is make you watch others who've already got started the reason why people are ahead of you is not because they're better it's because they started earlier just let that sink in for a moment people People just started earlier.
And what happens when people start early?
People judge, people criticize.
When people start to do anything, everyone goes, what's that?
Don't really think it's going to be worth it.
Don't really think it's going to work.
You break through that by making movement.
Step number two, break the brain loop.
Here's what you have to do.
Do something pointlessly physical.
When everything else feels stuck, your brain is usually stuck in over -analysis and mental clutter.
Moving physically changes everything.
This is backed by science.
Studies show that repetitive physical actions, walking, cleaning, showering, activate the default mode network, which improves problem solving and calms mental noise.
That's from Harvard Medical School in 2015.
So here, do this today.
Fold laundry. You got to do it anyway.
Wash the dishes. is, you got to do it anyway.
Walk around the block.
No phone, no podcast, just you and the motion.
Your body can reset a stuck mind.
Here's how I think about it.
When your mind is stuck, move your body.
And when your body is stuck, move your mind.
It's the opposite. Sometimes we get so stuck in our head and we're just trying to figure it all out in our head.
I'm sure you've had those moments of crashing out, where you just go round and round in circles in your mind, negotiating, analyzing, feeling overwhelmed.
Instead of all of that, just move your body.
I've heard this from people firsthand.
Whether you're stuck after a breakup, whether you're stuck because you didn't get promoted, whether you're stuck because you're feeling like you don't have energy or you feel like you don't have motivation.
The people who end up at a kickboxing class, end up walking around around the block, end up going for a run, end up hanging out with their friend at the gym.
Even just that act gets you out of that rut.
It makes you unstuck.
You don't have to wait for your mind to move.
That's the mistake.
If you're overwhelmed, you're stuck in anxiety, don't wait for your mind to move.
Start moving your body.
I'm not saying you've got to go and become a bodybuilder.
I'm not saying you've got to go and lift the heaviest weights.
I'm just saying that That whenever your mind feels slow, move your body faster.
I can't wait to dive into the next part, but first, a short break for our ads.
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Okay, we're back. Let's dive right back in.
Step number three. This one's a big one.
This is the the one that is holding everyone back because the number one question I get asked is Jay when's the right time is it too oversaturated now should I have started three years ago like what if I start in a month will that be okay stop waiting for the right time stop waiting start before it feels safe stop waiting for the right time because there isn't one there isn't one there's a beautiful beautiful proverb that says, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago and the next best time is today, right?
So whatever you're thinking about, those are the two choices.
Should you have started a podcast five years ago?
Yeah, probably. Should you have started that YouTube channel 10 years ago?
Probably. But guess what you didn't and neither did I.
The best time to start is now.
that's what you have. I remember when I started to create content, which was in around 2016, I was five years behind the earliest YouTubers.
And I remember everyone saying to me that I was a bit late to that space.
When I started my podcast, which was in 2019, everyone said it was too saturated.
I think at that time there were like 700 ,000 podcasts.
I think today there's 5 million.
So the point is things are always going to be more saturated.
Things are always going to to be more competitive.
There are always going to be more creators as time goes on.
So it's whether you want to start now when there are 5 million podcasts or whether you're going to wait five years when there's 10 million podcasts, right?
Which one's better?
And so there's no perfect time to begin.
That's a myth. The truth is the right time is a feeling that shows up after you start, not before.
And this is backed by science too.
The science shows that people who take action before they feel ready, develop greater confidence through experience, not preparation.
This is the mistake we make.
We think I can prepare to avoid all learning.
Preparation is important.
I'm not going to take away from that.
But experience is incredible.
It's an incredible teacher.
Your brain builds certainty from doing, not from waiting.
So do this today. Choose one thing you've been putting off.
Instead of asking, is this the right time?
Ask, what's one move I can make in the next 10 minutes?
Send the email, record the draft, fill out the form, take the first imperfect step.
Readiness is not a requirement.
It's a result. stop waiting.
Time won't invite you.
You have to show up anyway.
We've been taught to wait for the right time.
To wait until we're more qualified.
Until we have more money.
More confidence. More clarity.
Until the fear goes away.
Until we're ready. Until someone gives us permission.
Until the timing makes sense.
But here's the reality.
The right time doesn't show up.
You do. The timing won't feel perfect because you're not supposed to feel certain before you grow.
We've been taught that good things come to those who wait.
But in real life, good things come to those who move, who ask who try who don't wait for their turn because they know no one's handing it to them stop waiting for the right time i can't say it enough just stop waiting this idea that i'm going to wait for miraculous alignment i'm going to time it in the perfect year if you're timing it for by the time that it's the perfect year i promise you everyone's going to be doing it that year right everyone's going to be doing it that year because you've waited for the perfect year year, which means everyone's going to feel it's the perfect year, which by definition creates
more competition for you.
Step number three, a lot of us believe we've got to get brilliance to make a difference.
And actually, persistence beats talent and talented quitters.
I'm sure you've seen someone on TV before or on social media and thought, how did they make it?
I'm I'm more talented than them.
I feel like I'm better than them at that.
How did they make it and I didn't?
Well, they didn't sit on the sidelines.
They didn't quit. They kept going when the talented people stepped away, stepped back.
The research shows that students with less IQ but higher grit often outperformed smarter but less persistent peers.
is. In other words, deliberate sustained effort yielded stronger outcomes than raw talent.
Think about that for a second.
There's no such thing as raw talent being naturally gifted to be successful if they don't have persistence.
So if you feel like your talent's at a 5 out of 10, yeah, you should work on it.
For sure, you should build it.
But if your consistency is at a 10 out out of 10.
That's going to average out as seven and a half.
But let's say someone's talent is a nine out of 10, but their commitment, their consistency is a two out of 10.
Well, then you're going to break that down to a five and a half.
They're two points behind you because of the average.
So stop waiting to feel good enough.
Stop waiting to feel talented enough.
Stop waiting to feel like you're the best in the game.
There's a beautiful quote by Zig Ziglar that I love.
You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great, right?
This idea that I have to be great when I start.
I have to have a video that goes viral.
I have to have a book that sells a million copies right off the bat.
That's the pressure we're putting on ourselves.
themselves and we're all becoming paralyzed by the pressure of perfection instead of making progress and being consistent and finding our genius within that.
One thing I want to address here is this myth of you missed your window.
How many times have you ever had that experience and you feel, I missed my chance.
That could have been me.
I could have been happily married now.
I should have had that career.
I missed my time. Didn't work.
I wish I didn't give up then.
Here's the truth. That was the myth.
Life rarely moves in straight lines.
There are always new entry points.
A Yale study on non -linear careers found that people who start later in life often outperform early starters in long -term fulfillment and career satisfaction.
You didn't miss your shot, you just needed to stop aiming at someone else's timeline.
Think about that. You didn't miss your shot, you just needed to stop aiming at someone else's timeline.
You didn't miss your chance, you just needed to stop focusing on someone else's deadline.
You didn't miss your opportunity.
You just needed to stop focusing on other people's doors.
One of my favorite quotes is from Imam al -Shafi.
He said, my heart is at ease.
Knowing what was meant for me will never miss me.
And that which misses me was never meant for me.
what missed you was never for you and what is for you will never miss you we have to recognize that where we are and what we've experienced and the talents and the skills you have and the resilience you have and the grit you have is the exact cocktail that you need to create the future that you want.
So I want you to start labeling the fog differently.
Name what's actually missing.
People say, I feel stuck.
But what they really mean is I'm overwhelmed.
I'm afraid to fail.
I'm comparing myself to everyone, right?
I'm sure you can relate.
The process of affect labeling shows that naming emotions reduces activity in the amygdala and restores prefrontal cortex function, aka clear thinking.
So here's what I want you to do today.
Open your notes app or journal and complete the sentence.
Right now, I feel stuck because.
Then ask, is this about clarity, confidence, or control?
You can't fix what you won't name.
So when we say things like, I'm just stuck.
Imagine you were driving down a road and your maps went off because you lost Wi -Fi, you lost data, and you end up and you're like, okay, I'm stuck.
Cool. How helpful is that information?
Not at all. Not at all, right?
But if you're like, hey, I'm at the intersection of this road and this road, I can see a hotel on my right -hand corner.
It's got this name.
okay, let me think about where am I facing, right?
It's much better to label it.
It's much better to know.
If you managed to get some reception back, you could know where you were, you could place where you were.
And so labeling your emotions is so important and you can't fix what you won't name.
The next step is make peace with the plateau.
You're not broken, you're in between mean growth spurts.
Neuroscience shows that periods of frustration or boredom often precede breakthroughs.
This is when the brain reorganizes for deeper learning.
So here's what I want you to do today.
Ask yourself, what's the skill or mindset I'm being forced to build right now?
Here's how I view my entire life.
I literally ask myself, what is the skill I'm missing between where I am and where I want to be?
There's just a skill.
It could be public speaking, could be negotiation, could be communication.
If you want a promotion and you're not getting it, what is the skill you're missing?
Is the skill networking?
Is the skill relationship building?
Is the skill presenting skills, right?
What is it? Often we don't think it's a skill.
We think it's working harder.
We think it's impressing someone.
We think it's making ourselves look look better.
What's the skill? Then write three ways this stuck season might be strengthening you.
You want to realize where you are is a launch pad, not a trap door.
Where you're standing right now is going to propel you forward, not pull you down.
But when we tell ourselves a story and a narrative that where I am is the worst place ever, it forces us to stay there.
You're not stuck. stuck.
You're stabilizing.
That's a part of growth.
You're not broken. You're piecing things back together in a new way.
You're not lost. You're stepping away from parts that weren't for you.
You're not stuck. You're learning to sit still with yourself.
You're not behind. You're moving You're moving at the speed of healing.
You're not failing.
You're getting feedback that life didn't sugarcoat.
You're not weak. You're stretched and still standing.
You're not falling apart.
You're undoing what was never meant to last. You're not confused.
You're finally seeing things clearly, even if it hurts.
you're not empty you're unlearning the noise that used to fill the void you're not too late you're right where your next chapter starts next step shrink the vision save the dream stuckness often comes from thinking too big all at once a lot of people say think big have a big goal, have a big vision.
I'm not against that if that works for you, but I think there are two types of people.
People who work well with a big dream, and people who work well with a small step.
Know which one you are.
Some people are more motivated when they know they're working towards something huge.
Some people are more motivated when they know they're working towards something small.
Because to some people, the big thing is overwhelming and scary, and to some people, the small thing is boring and irrelevant.
Have self -awareness.
Research on goal gradients shows that people are more likely to keep going when they see quick, early wins.
Your brain needs small amounts of proof and evidence.
That's what it's looking for.
Your brain needs small more proofs.
So do this today. Instead of asking what my purpose is, ask, what's one thing I can finish today that moves me an inch closer to where I want to go?
Then do it. Shrink the goal.
Don't shrink yourself.
Stop feeling the pressure to do something big.
Start with small steps.
steps. Start by making your bed.
Start by answering one email.
Start by drinking a glass of water.
Start by writing the first sentence.
Start by getting through the next hour, not the whole year.
Start with what's in front of you, not what's expected of you.
Start small enough that you you can't make excuses.
Start often enough that it becomes who you are.
Because big things don't begin big.
They begin when you do.
I really hope that this episode landed with you.
I hope it inspires you to make a change in your life.
I'm so excited to hear about all the things you started because of this episode.
Tag me on Instagram, tag me on TikTok.
I love seeing your clips.
I love seeing your posts, I want to see what you started because of this episode and I can't wait to see where it goes five years from now, 10 years from now, 15 years from now to see the incredible things that you achieve, remember I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you, I'll see you soon.
If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do.
If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.
Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value.
Like as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value.
That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it.
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We talk a lot about alignment, mind, body, and spirit, but rest plays a big part in that too.
I've been thinking more about how I sleep and what I sleep Avocado Dream of Better This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video, phone, or chat.
Here's BetterHelp Head of Clinical Operations Hesu Jo discussing who can benefit from therapy.
I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day.
But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody.
There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people.
So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody.
Find out if therapy is right for you.
Visit betterhelp .com today.
That's betterhelp .com.
This is an iHeart Podcast.
