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Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hi everyone. Here we are together again for another episode of Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit down with one of our meditation teachers and we answer your questions about drama, family, family drama.
I'm Robin Hopkins and I am sitting here with my gal pal, Rosie.
Hi, Rosie. Hey, Robin.
I'm so excited to be here as usual, the hostess with the mostess.
I'm looking forward to this conversation.
Well, Rosie, I have to say, so I just got through birthday season in my house because I've got two kids and both of their birthdays are within two weeks of each other.
And they're both like, they're both different signs, but they're both stubborn signs, which makes our house super fun.
But I've been thinking a lot about like signs and astrology.
And I'm, and I was wondering, I don't know what your sign is.
And then I also want to know as a follow -up question, do you believe in all that jazz?
has? I am a cancer.
Okay. I'm a, which a cancer, it's a water sign and they are supposed to be one of the most nurturing signs, very much about grounding and creating a good space in their environment.
Very. I mean, you're just describing you, Rosie, so you must believe in this.
I know all this about astrology, but at the same time, I think it's like everything thing you got to take it with a grain of salt I know a lot of people in my life that are very very very much into the prescription of astrology and I'm totally supportive of whatever rocks your boat I enjoy it I think it's fun it's entertaining but at the same time I I just like to be a little bit bit more in control of what's going on in my life so yeah that's my field what is your sign I'm the most Leo of all of the Leos I mean it's like of course that makes sense right like absolutely I'm like bossy McBoskins
it's like of course I'm a Leo I love that you're a Leo Leos are great see and now I'm going to go into this whole Leos are great I love all the signs but I feel like Leo's and Virgo's and Libra's are my favorite to work with.
Interesting. Well, like while we're on this track, like what's the craziest self -help -y thing that you've ever done?
I mean, by the way, mine is like a psychic.
Like I don't even know if you can call that a self -help thing, but I did get a lot of closure because my dad, mom showed up.
It was really wonderful because she was also like a medium and it was crazy.
So I kind of like, Like, I feel the same way as you about like, I don't know, like I'm not betting my house on the fact that I believe this is real, but I'm kind of like, yeah, if it made me feel nice, who cares?
Yeah, I think I've done the same.
I love a good psychic readings.
I've had my share of, the good ones I've had are few and far between.
I've had a lot of really bad ones.
Just like people that are just saying whatever is coming to their mind and you can clearly tell that they're just talking out of their, you know what.
And you just have to really be able to trust yourself.
But to answer your question, the craziest thing that I've ever done or not craziest, the most self -help -y thing was to see a pet psychic after my shih tzu passed away.
And I have to say that it was so healing for me.
I think just hearing the main takeaways from her, she was really great.
and honestly, I think it really gave me the closure and the permission to grieve that I needed because I was so heartbroken.
Oh, that's, that's, that's so interesting, you know, cause it's like, it's similar.
Like I, you know, I've had some people say, you know, like she could have been making it up about your mom.
And I'm just like, if it gave me permission to have some closure that I needed because it was a rocky childhood and because, you know, and she did say to me, she said, I view my life as a tragedy and a comedy.
She said, the comedy is like, boy, I screwed that up, but the tragedy is what I did to you.
And I don't know that I'll ever forget that because that made me feel so seen.
And who cares if it's real?
I feel better now. I paid $125 for that.
That's worth every penny, I'll tell you.
You know, there are so many anecdotes that I feel really help us.
Quotes, stories, allegories.
And I do believe whatever is going to allow you to align to your highest good, and it's not harming you or hurting anybody else, then I say go for it.
Yeah. Anyway, we've got amazing questions for today.
We're going to be chatting about feeling like you're on the wrong path, information overload, and feeling so happy that you end up crying.
And once again, I mean, this is an incredible variety of topics.
So let's play our first question from Kenny.
Hi, my name is Kenny.
I'm from Glasgow in Scotland.
My question is, over the last two years or so, I've really found myself quite grateful for just being on this earth, to be honest, and being given the opportunities to have the basic things.
And there's been times where I felt really overwhelmed by just feeling really grateful and lucky, blessed.
and I didn't really know what to do with those feelings because they were really overwhelming that they actually made me upset and cry so I guess the question is what do you do when you're in that situation do you have any advice for that because we are sort of programmed to cheer ourselves up when we're crying I was already at my peak happiness and that was the reason I was crying and I didn't really know how to deal with those emotions so it's quite a rare rare situation for most people i guess i wondered what your thoughts were on that and if you had any advice thank you oh kenny what a lovely
lovely question this warms my heart so much and crying is such a healing experience right i mean crying itself we release oxytocin and endorphins and it really allows us to regulate our big feelings that that's why it happens right it creates a regulation of extreme emotions yeah there's this thing called the dimorphous experience where there's two forms to an experience like i can be so happy it's the thing where where a puppy is so cute and you're just like, this puppy is so cute, I could just squeeze it and eat it up.
And just that emotion where obviously you're not going to squeeze this puppy, but we have such an intensity for this overwhelming feeling.
And I think it's a beautiful thing for us to allow our tears to communicate our ecstatic experience.
And I think oftentimes we think crying means something's wrong.
And I really think that you really should embrace that and allow yourself to have this cathartic experience of joy, of tears of joy.
And And, you know, crying allows us the comfort that we need.
It releases the endorphins.
It helps relieve pain.
It moosts our boot or it moosts our boot.
Moosts our boots. It moosts our boots.
Really does. It boosts our mood.
And I really, I love this so much. Robin, have you ever felt so happy that you could cry?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
And, you know, it's such a great question from Kenny, because it's like, it also feels like it's less about what the feeling is that he's having a more about how big it is and how uncomfortable it is.
Cause I know that it's, it's funny.
I was like doing my morning journaling this morning as I was writing, I was realizing I was having really big feelings and I wasn't sure what they were.
And I just know how uncomfortable I am with really big feelings.
And like, sometimes it'll sometimes it shows up for me as like hunger and it's like, I'm not actually hungry.
I just am really uncomfortable with what's going on in my body or anxiety or a nervous energy or sometimes even anger.
It shows up in all these really wonky ways.
I think sometimes it's counterintuitive.
For me, anyway, when a big feeling comes in, what's natural or what I want to do is clench, make it tight, stop everything, thing and then try to make it go away.
But if Kenny is to like what you're saying, except that it's happening, let the tears come, process it.
What comes on the other side?
Serenity, a calmness, a focus, a sense of focus, like who knows what's on the other side if you lean in and just go on the ride and let it all be okay, whatever it is.
Yeah. I love that so much. Have you ever, a lot have you ever stopped yourself from having that emotion joy yeah no because when it's there I'm so happy like but I have a tendency to like in those moments when I'm so happy like like I'm not even sure where I stand on the whole god thing but like you know which that's probably a whole like seven more episodes but I'll like look up to the sky and just say thank you god thank you for like or thank you universe for for just this moment for that like because to me I'm as happy be in that moment that I'm able to appreciate how wonderful everything is in that moment.
Because I think sometimes things are just as wonderful, but I just can't feel it.
And so that's what I think was really also wonderful about what Kenny is saying is like to be able to recognize that it's joy, to have that understanding of yourself, to be able to recognize that there's an uncomfortableness with that extreme emotion.
Like, Kenny, you're already in a fantastic place because you have such an understanding of yourself.
That's great. Yeah.
I don't know. What about you?
Have you often tried to stop it or are you a leaner inner?
Well, I actually had a really difficult time.
I was emotionally constipated for the first 25 years of my life.
So I just didn't allow myself to have extreme emotions really.
I was not a big crier.
I often suppress that, but it wasn't until I got deeper into my meditation practice, mindfulness practice, my yoga practice, that it really began to move.
You know, I love that book, The Body Keeps Score.
And at the time I was reading that, so this was like 15 plus years ago, and it was so completely eye opening for me because I realized how much I was, my body was was holding on to.
And it just kind of happened naturally, you know, and I, it sounds like Kenny's life has really shifted with doing more mindfulness based practices.
And I'd be curious if this new awakened big expression of joy is a newer experience if it's happened now since doing more of these practices, because that's what the case was for me.
That's a really interesting Interesting question.
Yeah. Well, Kenny, what I have to say about this, Kenny, is continue to feel all that joy because it's good for you.
That's what I have to say.
Good for you. Get in.
Lean in and just, you know, keep the practice up because it sounds like like you said, Rosie, it's really working.
Yeah, you're doing great.
OK, so let's go to our next question.
Hi, my name is Tania from San Diego.
And, you know, I was thinking I listened to a lot of these podcasts and I read books and listen to other podcasts.
and I feel like I take in so much information but I really have a hard time holding on to what I learn and I'm just curious like should we be holding on to it or go back and listen to them later and I just feel like I learned so much and I want to remember it like a week from now but I always seem to be forgetting so yeah I would just love to know more about how you guys feel about all this learning that we can get from society now and and how to hold on to it thank you oh my god i love this question tonight this is such a good question because we are in an age of absolute information overload
and yeah like self -help stuff is everywhere you turn whether it's podcasts or tv shows or books it's there's so much content out there taniya i can absolutely absolutely relate to you so much because when I first started my journey, I was an information hoarder.
Like I just wanted to get all of the information and I was just hoarding it.
I had notebooks and it's still, I mean, as I recently just moved, going through all of my things, finding old journals and things that I thought were really great quotes or really great ideas.
And, but, but then they just sit in, in a box.
And I think the question that you're asking about retaining the information, because you said you want to remember it all.
I think what has helped me, and perhaps this is something that might help you is when I was getting so much information, I was listening to podcasts.
I was reading books.
I was listening to audio books.
I was going to events.
I was doing a full immersion of self -help, healing, learning.
And I think the things that really struck me the most were the things that were really personal to me, like the things that I was working on specifically, because you can hear really great information and think, wow, that's really good advice that I can relay to my sister or my mom or my dad or my brother or my coworker.
they'd really like this piece of information because I just heard somebody struggling with this.
So all of that to say that writing it down for me was something that really helped, obviously, the stacks of journals.
And in fact, I went back to some of those journals when I was writing my book, because I remembered certain things from certain workshops or certain podcasts that I had listened to, but one of the best keys or the best advice I've heard is a quote from a yogic teacher that says, if you want to learn something, read about it.
If you want to understand something, write about it.
If you want to master it, teach it.
And so if there is something that you're really passionate about and things that really strike a chord with your experience you can try teaching it to somebody else instead of sending the said podcast to your friend perhaps you schedule a coffee date and you recap it in your own words and try your best to relay the information in that way so that it begins to integrate into your system another thing you can do is to focus on a topic at a time instead of going you know through different different facets of the world of self -help, really focusing on a key topic like mindfulness, for example.
You can listen to podcasts about mindfulness, or you can read books about mindfulness, or you can go to talks about mindfulness and really begin to integrate it in a way one bite at a time.
I think in this world of self -development, we get so so excited and enthusiastic about all of the information that's out there because it's so good and there's so much, but I really feel like the way to integrate it into your being is to read about it, write about it, relay the information and, and integrate it into your life.
Try to embed some of those practices into what you do every day.
That's fantastic. And it, it kind of like joins in with what I was thinking too, which is asking yourself, what kind of learner are you?
I mean, I think, first of all, I think underneath it is giving yourself permission that you will not remember everything unless you have a photographic memory.
You're not going to, but like Rosie was saying, the thing that you're working on, this one thing that you're working on will be really present in everything that you are reading about.
But then knowing and understanding what kind of a learner you are, like I learned at some point, I want to say maybe in college, I learned that I am like a kinesthetic learner.
so I have to do in order to learn like I know there's people who read and learn there's people who write and learn I have to do the thing so like if you're telling me you know like this is how you hit a baseball I'm gonna go okay great great great no no I need to try it so it's like I'm like it's knowing how you learn knowing how you do and then incorporating them in a way that's accessible for you I think is really really helpful Yeah oh I love everything that you said absolutely I think it's a really great tool to understand understand how you best take information in.
Because even though we can all do all of them, I think there is a keen sense to something very specific to you, whether it's kinesthetic, whether it's auditory, whether it's visual, whatever it may be.
I think it's a really great asset to know which one works best for you.
Yeah. And I would also say, I think it's a real set up for failure to say to yourself that you need to remember it all.
That's like every time I hear somebody go, I'm going to start, I'm going to start at the gym.
I'm going six days a week.
And I'm always like, good luck with that.
I think it's, I don't know.
I think it's too much. Yeah.
And one other tiny thing is sometimes what we hear in that moment is just for that moment.
Oh, that's deep. deep, you know, sometimes it's just specific to that very unique moment in time.
And I think it's important for us to also have that playing in our mind.
Well, Tanaya, I mean, we wish you luck on your journey.
And again, like just like Kenny, it's, it's amazing.
Like you're, you're in here, you're doing the work, you're building a practice and you should really applaud yourself and pat yourself on the back a little bit for that and keep up the good work.
Yeah. You're you're doing great.
Okay, so let's go to our next caller, Kristen.
Hi, my name's Kristen and I'm from Madison, Wisconsin.
For context, my meditation and mindfulness journey has been, you know, decades in the making, but most intently in the past four or five years or so.
And, you know, by observing and seeing the thoughts and really noticing the the things that fill me up.
I've been noticing that they're really the things that are not really in my professional world.
They're not on the path that I have, you know, started out on.
And what it would take to make the changes to bring those things into my life would cost a a whole lot um for myself and for my family and just wanted to see what advice you have when it feels like i've been learning and really see some things that could really bring me a lot of joy but they're going to come at a big cost so any advice you have for working through this moment moment of self -learning and reflection and hopefully finding a way to bring more of the things I love into my life.
But still keeping in mind the path that I've had and that I've laid out and been able to provide for myself and for my family so far.
Thank you so much for the podcast and for sharing your thoughts and for all the calls.
I'm a very, very happy listener here.
Thank you so much for taking my question.
Bye -bye. Oh, Kristen, thank you for listening and for this, this like vulnerable question.
Kristen, I can absolutely relate to that.
And in fact, I remember sitting at my cubicle when I was assisting a celebrity in the entertainment industry.
history and I'd been at that job for almost four years and I was so unhappy.
I was so unhappy and I'd already done teacher trainings.
I had done yoga teacher trainings.
I had already started health coaching.
I had done, I'm doing air quotes, my hobby.
That was my passion.
That was my my moonlighting time, I would come home from work and dive deep into the world of self -development and self -help.
And I knew that this is what I wanted to do.
But at the time, it was a really difficult time for me and for my partner because it was 2008.
eight. And it was not, I mean, we were in the middle of potentially losing our home and his business was not doing well at all at the time.
My job was the only consistent thing, but I was just so unhappy.
I was so miserable.
And every day I would wake up on the brink of tears because of how unhappy I was.
And my workplace was extremely toxic.
And it was so out of alignment with where I wanted to go with my life and what I wanted to do.
But every friend, every family member I talked to about what I wanted to do, just talked me off the ledge and told me how lucky I was to have consistency right now.
So many people are losing their jobs.
And you should just be grateful for where you are.
And I was stuck in this cognitive dissonance where part of me knew that I needed to be grateful for what I had.
But at the same time, I knew in my heart that this isn't what I wanted to do.
Yeah. And it was sort of the intellectual mind saying, this is the right thing to do.
get your consistent paycheck, have your job.
I think it would have been a lot harder for me to ultimately do what I did, which is quit my job and decide to pursue this work that I do now.
And it did take a couple of years, took about a good four years to build a business and be able able to do what I do now for a living as a career.
But at the time, I could so feel that frustration and that sadness almost because the thing that would make me upset the most during this time was time is passing.
Yep. And my life is passing.
And I see everybody else doing doing what they love except me.
And I really want to do what I love so that I can also be free and be at my most joyous self.
At the time, I read a beautiful book by Jack Kornfield called A Path with heart.
And it was extremely healing for me in that moment when I was very miserable and felt completely, as you said, out of alignment, or you felt like you were on the wrong path.
It really just puts things into perspective.
And I think a lot of the times we lose sight with where we are in the present moment.
We can use the present moment as a means to get to where we want to go as opposed to thinking, I'm doing this every day, I'm stuck.
I'm doing this for now.
Here's my five -year plan.
Here's the other thing, Robin, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
Especially as women, we have this sort of time is ticking away and we're not getting any younger and we feel like everything needs to happen right away.
If I don't quit my job and start my career now, it's never going to happen.
I have clients that I work with that just started their careers at 60.
And I think it's important for us to also recognize the time pressure of what is not happening right now.
So I think there's a lot of things to evaluate here.
I think the fact that you're taking a step back and evaluating your current situation is really admirable.
I think it's very, very brave. I think it's absolutely courageous for you to even say it out loud.
Absolutely. I think talking to somebody about your feelings, a therapist, a professional, a life coach. Yeah.
Somebody that can really help you hone in on exactly what it is that you want to do.
And I would say the third thing is to allow yourself to explore your options.
You know what I would do at work, Kristen, I would write down my dream job.
I would just use my time while I was supposed to be working.
I had my journal next to me and I would, anytime I would feel anxiety or have that overwhelming feeling of my life is passing me by, I would just write down job from heaven or dream job and I would just start writing, make my own schedule, travel, get to work with people, get to write books, create my own platform, you know, whatever it might be.
but I, like I said earlier in the podcast, I found all these old journals.
And one of the jobs, dream jobs that I found was the current description to my life today, which was crazy.
Isn't that funny? Yeah.
12 years ago, I'm like, it only took 12 years.
I don't know. It may be quicker.
It may be longer for some, but for me, that's how long it took.
And I'm so grateful that that I didn't get what I really wanted in the moment that I really wanted it.
That's so interesting.
It's, it's truly, I think the lesson lies in our ability to be in the present, to take whatever lessons we're needing to learn so that we can refine the pathway to where we want to go.
Yeah. I like absolutely love everything you just said, Rosie, plus one, everything you just said.
And I want to say in addition to that, you know, like as a parent, you know, I know that money and like family and the pressures that's real.
That's real. Like when I left my day job, it was because my wife was like, do it.
But I want to see the practical, you know, former poor kid in me is going to say to you that first of all, I I'm a firm believer that it is never, ever, ever too late to make a change.
I don't care. Ever.
You could be 75 and you decide you want to be a potter.
Yeah, of course. Like if you had one day of making pottery before you left wouldn't that have been worth it and so i'm a firm believer that you should always always always be working toward the thing that you want this is we're really talking about golden handcuffs it's like when you've built a position of money and i did an entire episode on my my podcast while adjusting about this about a person who is struggling with golden handcuffs made a lot of money and was stuck and it wasn't where their heart was and so i like i'm also a firm believer of like project manage yourself and spend 15 minutes
a day, a half hour a day working toward you.
And it can be anything from like what Rosie was talking about, about journaling your vision for yourself, because I think visioning is a big part of this, but it could also be lunching with people in the new industry in which you want to work.
But I do believe that if you come out of your emotions and come to the logic of it, there's ways to secure your safety.
there's ways to um to try to do it over time and then when you're ready you jump I always say like jump but make sure there's like a mattress at the bottom yeah that's all you know it used to be the saying right jump in the net will appear and look I yeah I like that too I mean I I think the way you're advising is way better it's less extreme I think when you're you know you're even for me late twenties.
When I did this, I had $2 and 11 cents in my bank account and I still have that screenshot.
Yeah. Because there is no, what is going to happen here?
Yeah. There's no safety net.
And that's why I always veer on the side of caution because I think it's extremely important and same, you know, like I grew up the same, same way as you Robin.
And so there is that that lack mentality where I feel the pain of a decision that I might make that might harm the whole.
So I love what you're saying, and I think it's important to be proactive in your new path.
And I really love that you're suggesting to have that, make those steps in order to create that future.
What's really wonderful, always circling back to the practice, is that you mentioned you're deep in your practice and it's helping you.
And I think when you're doing this kind of work, it's almost impossible to ignore your heart's desires, I think.
Yeah, no, it's absolutely true.
When you are immersed in your experience, especially in your mindfulness practice, you allow yourself to be in the present.
A lot of the times what knocks us off track is the thoughts the negative track that we're so habituated to yeah that's absolutely one of the beauties of mindfulness practice because it does take us back to that space of being okay with uncertainty yeah being okay with what is present allowing there to be space for what is happening in the moment and and following your heart following blowing your heart we have an episode coming up next week with Eve that's about the workplace and we talked about how like you spend over the course of your life something like 90 ,000 hours 90 ,000 hours on work like
it's a third of your life when you just let those numbers drop in I think it's important to try to make yourself happy Kristen agreed oh well thank you so much Rosie for all your incredible bits of advice and insights you always are full of both of those things and my goal for the day is I hope that at some point today I'm so happy that I start crying that's my goal same same Robin I had such a great time today answering all these questions and it made me think of a course that I think would be really great for everybody to try it's the happiness course on the Headspace app and you can take it
with either Andy or Eve oh I love that that's such a great suggestion oh okay well big thanks to our callers today Kenny, Tenaya and Kristen.
And I have to say anyone who is listening right now and you're thinking, wow, I could I could I could use a little bit of help.
Please just take a moment to submit your question to us.
It is easy to record your question.
Just go to say hi dot chat slash to your headspace.
And if we use it on the show, you're going to get three months of headspace for free.
So you can use it. You can share whatever works for you.
That's right, friends.
And one more thing.
As you know, each week we like to leave you with with an opportunity to pause and reflect on what you just heard here.
It's time to transition from this moment to the next in your day.
So as you listen to some recorded sounds of a stream in an orchard, let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and be kind to each other.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast. It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones, and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohen, Barron Farmar, and Danny Chrissamy.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kisonga Giscombe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden, and Eve Lewis Prieto.
Sound recording and post -production is by Dan Kroll.
Music is by Scott Sorenson and Chris Mergea.
And a very special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
