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And so I remember this one guy taught me he said there's no such thing as failure.
There are just lessons that are learned.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hello, everyone. I am so excited to be here for another episode of Dear Headspace.
a podcast where I sit down with one of our meditation teachers and we answer your questions about life, love and everything in between.
I am Robin Hopkins and in this episode, I am privileged to sit here with my old pal Kaysanga.
Your privilege! I am!
I am privileged, Robin.
No, no one says that about me.
No one says. But thank you for saying that!
No, I look, I still look forward to sitting and sharing the space with you, Robin.
I do too, I do too.
it's a highlight of my day.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
So greetings, greetings, everyone.
Now, how are you today friend?
How are you doing? I'm doing good.
I'm doing good. I am maintaining well, that seems to be my, it has been my slogan lately.
I am maintaining well.
What does that mean for you?
I'm curious. I don't know, it's kind of all encompassing, right?
When you say you're maintaining, that might sound like, you're not, Mm, are you doing okay?
You're not growing, you're stagnant.
Right. Right. You might be a little stagnant, right.
But that's why I add the well.
Right? I'm maintaining, but I'm maintaining well.
Oh, I like this for you.
I like this. I mean, I've been thinking a lot lately about being inundated with the news and the political climate and I mean climate change.
And I just thought like coming into it in the spirit of maintaining well, like, let's that on its head.
And I wanted to ask you the question of like, since the last time we chatted, have you had any moments, you know, that have, I don't know, restored your faith in humanity and they could be big, it could be small, but like just, although I suppose it's a setup with restored your faith in humanity, that sounds big.
But it could be a small moment, too.
Yeah, that sounds pretty big, right.
I love questions like this.
I love that no matter how big or how small, because oftentimes, we think we have to come up with something that that's so grandiose.
My daughter, my youngest daughter, we had bought some Girl Scout cookies, and do you know what she said, Robin?
What did she say? Well, Papa, why don't we go and give them to a homeless person?
Oh, that's so awesome.
Yeah, yeah, because there's a bus stop that we often see.
We're like, Mom, go to our bus stop and give it to one of them.
I was like, oh, Zola.
I did good as a parent, to have a moment where you said I did all right.
Because I feel like as a parent, you got to take those moments because there's so many times where they're actively telling you how bad you are.
Perhaps my kids. Is that just my kids?
Hello? Is this thing on?
No, I totally feel you.
I totally feel you.
But no, that felt good.
That made me feel optimistic, if you will.
I mean, because really what we're talking about is just bringing more joy into our lives, right?
I'm doing the artist way right now with a group of friends, the three of us are going through it together, four of us, and it's such a wonderful experience, and it's bringing joy into my lives and into theirs, and we have a weekly call and it's such a wonderful, wonderful thing.
And I just feel a little bit lighter every day because of it.
So I don't know I say that we should let's get to some of our questions from our listeners I mean because we have fantastic questions where we're going to be talking about overcoming obstacles in the workplace how to stay mindful while rushing which I'm plus one on that one and we have a really important question about feeling safe after devastating tragedies like the earthquake in Turkey.
Wow. Yeah. So it's gonna be a big show.
So without further ado let's let's go to our first question.
Yeah. Let's get into it.
Hi. My name is Maria Garcia from Orlando, Florida.
And my question is, when confronted with professional obstacles and not meeting goals, how do you turn that energy into a positive outlook in the professional workplace?
Thank you. Thank you for your question, Maria.
You're talking about the obstacles in the workplace, not meeting your goals.
It's like, it's funny to me how the question sometimes it could just be one sentence and there's a lot in that question.
There's a lot in this question.
Maria, I think I think with this question, perspective is is everything here.
You know, just like accepting that you're never going to meet all your goals.
And that's perfectly okay.
Yeah, that's perfectly okay.
I think oftentimes we we set these goals and when they're not met, then that's when all of the negativity you know, as far as the negative self talk and disappointment comes flooding in.
Not that there's anything wrong with feeling disappointment, but getting lost in it.
It's like what do you make it mean?
What do you make it mean about yourself?
Right, and that's where the perspective, that's what I say perspective is everything here.
What I love is when I heard Maria say not meeting my goals versus failing.
Oh, that's interesting.
That's an interesting distinction.
That pinged for me when I heard her say that because that can be a game changer the way you phrase what's happening in your life.
Because if I, oh, once again I failed.
Right, right. And so I remember this one guy taught me.
He said there's no such thing as failure.
There are just lessons that are learned.
Ooh, that's good. Yeah, yeah.
But it sounds like Maria has embraced that to some extent because based on what she said, there are goals that I just didn't meet.
Right. Right? So I love that she was able to, that she mentioned that.
She also mentioned having a positive outlook.
I'm getting the feeling that Maria's on the right track here.
I know you're doing great, Maria.
I have an 85 % philosophy.
If I strive for something, I already won because if I get 85 % of it, that's 85 more percent than if I didn't try.
And so Maria's already trying and winning, but then also sometimes like there's that collateral thing you pick up that might be something that you didn't want to get, it wasn't part of your initial goal, but helps move you into a new direction or towards something that you also want.
And that wouldn't have shown up if you hadn't set a goal.
So I do think that there's like that...
Cause there's still disappointment in what she's saying.
Like she's saying all these positive things the way that you're saying, but there's still disappointment in her question, right?
For sure, I think that disappointment is natural.
I think that disappointment is perfectly okay to feel.
Being aware not to get lost in it.
Maybe even doing some mindful reflection.
okay, you know, I didn't meet that goal, let me mindfully reflect on to what happened.
And I think next, at some point, you have to step into the concept of letting it go.
Right? So so so gently letting it go.
And then the other concept, which is beginner's mind, right.
So being a beginner's mind speaks to approaching each moment, each goal, if you will, as if you've never done it before.
Oftentimes, we hold on to those goals that we weren't able to accomplish and we carry that disappointment into our next venture, which can just make it that much more difficult.
So, yeah, I think those two concepts can, can really help in this situation with Maria.
I'm, I'm a big fan and I think we talked about this in a, in a previous episode of just like, of the, I call it the Robin Hopkins one sheet, but in this case, it'd be the Maria the one sheet of just like writing down all of the things that you've accomplished.
Like what you set out to do, what you were doing before, and then what you accomplished.
Because I do think that we forget, like before we started recording today, Keisanga, like the teachers always lead us through a meditation, so whether we come into this podcast, in a grounded space, and you said, think about your day and how it's gone so far.
And I realized, I've had a lovely day.
It's just after lunch. And I've had a lovely day and I was like, that's a bang up great day.
And if you hadn't said that, I don't know that I would have taken the time to stop, think about it and say, look at how lucky I am that I got to have this day.
And so I think that the one sheet serves that same purpose of like, oh, look what I did, look what I accomplished.
I don't know, I can't speak for everyone else but I focus on all the things I didn't get versus the things I do get sometimes.
Why don't we do that?
It's so wild that we do that sometimes.
I know it's so annoying.
I know we do do that often.
And I don't know Maria personally, obviously, but I would bet money that she has many accomplishments that she can reflect on and feel good about.
I think the thing that you're saying, Kei -Sanga, that I think is so wonderful is it's about the perspective and the way you're saying it.
So it's like if you don't fixate on what you didn't get, but just evaluate, do I still need that?
Do I still want that?
Or did something show up that might be even better that I can, you know, get, because, but I mean, it's like, if you take it to the hard reality of like, like, again, we don't know Maria, but like wanting a promotion and you get passed over, like, that's just a yes or a no thing.
And that can be really hard to deal with.
Like, what do you say about something like that?
Well, again, it's not a failure.
You know, and I come from the, and I know it's cliche.
I know it's cliche, ladies and gentlemen.
I know it is. I'm aware before I say it.
I know this is cliche.
But when I say everything happens for a reason.
Oh, that's a hard one to hear sometimes.
But I think that saying is so pertinent because basically what it's saying is kind of like what we've stated so far.
You're not going to accomplish all your goals.
you never know why something doesn't happen because you can't control everything.
You mentioned the promotion.
Yeah, let's say yeah, you're a nay.
If you get a nay, it's easy to implode, what's wrong with me?
Why didn't I get it, right?
That was something that didn't happen, that wasn't a goal that was reached.
Doesn't mean that you're a terrible person, doesn't mean that you're a terrible worker.
again, allow yourself to just pause for a moment, you know?
And you never know that you not getting that promotion might have opened up a whole other door that you're completely unaware of.
This is how I go through life.
And this is the case on Miss Philosophy.
I'm fully aware, but whenever a goal doesn't get met in my life, and I don't ignore the disappointment, Like, you know, I don't want to make that clear.
I don't ignore the disappointment." And then, I say to myself, well, you know what?
That happened for a reason.
I don't know, I may not know what that reason is.
I don't know what door was opened.
But let me, with curiosity, continue on.
Let this disappointment go, you know, after I've acknowledged it.
And with that beginner's mind, that we spoke of, continue on with this life adventure.
you know, cause you just never know what's going to happen.
And that's what makes it exciting.
I think that curiosity thing you're saying is really important because that's not judgment that's just looking at and going, okay, well, I didn't get it.
Either there's something more for me to learn at this job or maybe that's the universe telling me it's time for me to be looking elsewhere.
But like if I'm looking at that from a curious mind point of view, I can see all the options and I can decide, oh, I'll make it to my next job.
take a step in this direction, instead.
And kind of ties back to that book, The Alchemist that we mentioned in the previous episodes, that kind of touched on that, you know, always being aware of the signs that pop up in your life.
If you're so consumed by the negative feelings and the regret and the disappointment and what have you, then that can blind you, and you won't be able to recognize the signs.
Yeah, so I don't know Maria.
I think just keep going keep setting the goals Keep keep going for it and be kind and gentle with yourself Absolutely, and I hope everything we said was helpful Maria.
All right, let's move to our next question from Joanna Do your headspace teachers I have a question I would like to ask your advice on on how to stay mindful while rushing.
So of course, ideally, I wouldn't get into rush ever, but it just happens that, well, it's sometimes unavoidable.
And those moments I try to stay mindful but I'm not really sure how to do that.
So for example, if I have to catch a train or if I have to do something for work rather quickly, how can I stay mindful and present and not go crazy in this moment?
Thank you for your answer.
All right. Great question.
Well, let me just first say you're talking to two New Yorkers, so rushing, that just sounds perfect.
In our DNA. I was like, how do you even try to get on the train without jogging?
Is that even a thing that actually happens for some people?
No, this is a great question.
This is a great question.
So it's kind of something like what we said before, rushing is almost unavoidable, right?
At some point in your life, you're going to find yourself rushing and it's perfectly okay.
I don't know, it's perfectly okay.
I would allow yourself to let go of that judgment.
So is there such thing as mindful rushing?
— that's the question.
That's the million -dollar question.
So alright, let's just first still deal with the stereotype that's being unspoken here — that mindfulness is all about being slow and tranquil and calm and at peace and I don't And Gandhi, in a field of flowers.
Yeah, I don't rush to my train.
I float — I don't get upset.
I float onto my train.
No, no, no, not at all.
Mindfulness is literally paying attention to what is present, and doing so without judgment, right?
And doing so on purpose also.
So if you find yourself in a space where you're rushing, you, I don't know, you woke up late or you, you know, you wanted to get a little extra sleep or you forgot to prepare your lunch, so that kind of whatever the reason is.
Not find yourself in a space of rushing.
I think she said for her train, rushing for a train.
So with rushing, oftentimes the stress is caused by the stories and the judgment that we put on ourselves because we find ourselves in the space of rushing, right?
So, you find yourself rushing, oh, shoot, I'm gonna miss the train.
Oh, why did I do this?
I can't believe I woke up late.
I can't believe this, I can't believe or you know, like, oh, I'm late again.
Oh, my God, right. So it's always do this.
Right, exactly. Exactly.
And there's all that is judgment.
All that is just self judgment.
It's, um, it's not creating anything but stress.
So if you find yourself in a space, what does mindful rushing look like?
So that's the million dollar question.
Oh, wow, I'm about to miss my train.
I don't want to miss my train.
If I don't allow myself to rush, I will miss my train.
Okay, what do I have to do?
Let me quickly do this, that and the other.
Right? And really allowing yourself to focus on each task at hand.
Being aware of when that negative self talk or negative thinking creeps in.
And just saying, all right, let me let me refocus.
Right. And in the state of rushing, you have to do that over and over and over again.
That's just the nature of it.
Allowing yourself to be fully present with task A without thinking about task B and C right now doing for task A for 10 seconds.
Boom. All right. Let me move on to task B, 10, 15 seconds, right?
Yeah. It's being present with each moment because you're absolutely right.
It's not about the, it's not about the rushing.
I mean, that's nothing more than jogging or moving quickly or whatever.
It's about the thing that happened why you're rushing.
Like every morning I'm mad at my kids when we're rushing to get out the door.
I'm not mad that I have to like hustle.
I'm mad that they didn't listen to me the first time, the second time, the third time I said, put your shoes on.
You know, that's what I'm really upset about and that's where I'm going.
And then I get mad and then I keep adding on top of it.
And none of that is, none of that is helpful.
None of that gets us out faster.
None of that starts my day off right.
So that's such an interesting note to just focus back on the, okay, what needs to happen to get us out of this house?
And breathing while you're doing it.
Because, you know, I look at my daughter - Well, now you're asking too much, Casson.
I look at my daughters, they're pretty self -sufficient now.
I don't take them to school anymore.
And they find themselves in the space of rushing quite frequently.
And so I'm fully aware not to, well, why aren't you ready?
Why aren't you ready?
That's not gonna be helpful in that moment.
Yeah, it's not. And I can tell you from my experience that I'm not helpful when I'm doing that, not helpful even at all.
And I wanna be righteous and I wanna be right with my kids.
You know, it's all the things I've told you.
You're not listening.
And I'm doing that same thing when it's to myself too.
Like, Robin, you know better.
And I'm not helpful to them.
I'm not helpful to me.
None of that's good.
None of it is helpful, right?
It's not helping in the moment.
You know, for me, it all kind of comes full circle back to the practice, the consistent practice, right?
Because that's when it'll...
You know, oftentimes people ask, you know, how do I know if it's working?
How do I know, you know, that, you know, when am I gonna see results?
You know, from my meditation practice.
But it's moments like this, like when you find yourself in a space of rushing, but you are moving differently.
You're not as frantic or as stressed as you would have been in the past. And you might say, wow, I was able to really rush and not get as stressed out about it.
So little things like that, that's when you start to notice, and it happens organically, it happens naturally.
That's when the consistent practice will show up.
Fantastic, fantastic.
And I think just a plus one on the perfectionism part of it.
Like just being mindful doesn't mean you're perfect.
I think that's a really great reminder for our caller.
Absolutely. Please, please know that.
know mindfulness does not equal perfection and does not equal enlightenment.
It's you know if anything bring yourself back to the the foundation paying attention to what is present.
Doing so with intention and doing so without judgment.
Amazing amazing amazing amazing.
Well good luck out of there and slow down.
No no keep going. You're doing great.
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Sierra, let's get moving.
All right, Kaysanga, I can't even believe we're saying this but this is time for our third question from Zeynep.
All right, let's get it.
All right, here we go.
Dear Headspace, my name is Zeynep and I live in Turkey where along with Syria, we experienced two devastating earthquakes.
While I don't live in the areas affected by the quakes, I and millions of people are helplessly witnessing this trauma.
And I do believe it's important to see and remember and help the millions affected.
Most of Turkey is at risk for earthquakes and living in unsafe cities.
And I'm wondering how can mindfulness help with some sense of safety, to continue living without constant anxiety?
Thank you. Wow. This is a really powerful question, and I believe there was even, I think, another earthquake since this question came to us.
This is just a really important question.
Absolutely. I can imagine.
I just want to, first and foremost, just send massive, massive amounts of, um, love and care to the people of, of Turkey and Syria.
I can't imagine how it must be to live in areas like that, where they're so susceptible to natural disasters.
You know, I had, uh, uh, my family's from the Caribbean and I remember my cousin was living in the Virgin Islands and they got wiped out by a hurricane.
I forgot which hurricane it was and they were homeless for four weeks.
they were homeless for weeks, and just, and finally they just had to come back to New York.
And I was like, wow, you know, I'm just blown away by, you know kind of like what Zainab was saying, that kind of constant anxiety that that's present, you know.
And even though she was saying that she wasn't hit directly where she lives by the earthquake, we know that secondary trauma yeah can be just as devastating.
So I say now I don't want you to take that for granted, you know, during these these times it's so important you know I know I know oftentimes you hear us say this but to really be super gentle with yourself yep and really stepping into that space of self - compassion, self -care, self -love, knowing that the healing process is just going to take time, allowing yourself to accept that also.
Like I stated, my family is from the Caribbean, and most of the islands in the Caribbean are susceptible to natural disasters, specifically hurricanes, just year after year.
And a six -month season of hurricane season.
Yeah. This question I'm really thinking about them and how I often wonder how they live day to day knowing that at any moment their homes are just completely wiped out and they have to rebuild and they have to endure.
And some of the lessons that I've learned have been very powerful from from this kind of lifestyle.
I know one thing that has been very helpful is just staying in a space of gratitude.
And it doesn't have to be anything grandiose, right?
It doesn't have to be anything huge.
I mean something as small as waking up each day.
Just finding, being intentional, finding that something that you can be grateful for.
Yeah, right and again, we're not trying to get rid of the Sadness author the grief what we're trying to do here is is harmonize it right?
this dichotomy of grief and sadness can coexist With gratitude and joy.
Yeah. In fact the two kind of harmonize each other I don't like to say balance out because balance again implies that perfection and oftentimes There's this moment I'm feeling sad and angry, and this moment I'm feeling a little more joyous and grand in the space of gratitude.
Two hours from now, it might shift, right?
And that's perfectly okay.
But finding that something that harmonizes the grief and the sadness, the anger, the frustration, the anxiety— Because they're all mixed together.
Like you said, there's the two parts.
there's the one side about the grief of what's just happened, and then there's the anxiety of what could happen, what could come.
Right, exactly. I just want to reiterate just allowing yourself and giving yourself time to grieve and knowing that it's okay.
Again, I can't imagine what that must be like.
I mean, I've been in instances where there was high anxiety, high danger, and it does not feel good.
And it just takes time.
And so allowing yourself that time and space, to heal, and to take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Yeah, it's a big question.
It's a really... Because it's like in that setup, there's not...
there's sometimes where we have to sit in things.
Yeah, and there isn't a solution that you can find your way out of it.
And that's difficult.
It is difficult. Again I circle back to the practice.
It helps with building that resiliency that you may need to sit in difficult times like this.
And I feel like I'm not even giving it justice when I say difficult times because this is just a porous times.
But in horrific times like this that consistent practice is what gives you that resiliency to continue on.
Yeah well we thank you for your question and obviously everyone here at the Headspace team and your headspace team we send you love and light and we hope that you know we hope for for the best. Absolutely thank you so much for sending that question Zainab.
Well those were just all Well, absolute fantastic questions and I am, for one, I am looking forward to practicing mindfulness while I'm rushing all over New York City.
how about you? Absolutely, I kind of, I love that that particular question because it made me reminisce of my New York City Russian days.
You still got, you still got New York the big apple in your heart, I can just tell.
Oh yeah, yeah you know, I love to come to New York.
These days, I visit New York, I run amok, I run wild, and then I come back to North Carolina.
But, yeah, thanks so much for the questions today.
They were really awesome questions.
I just want to mention really quickly some courses that are in the app that would really, really be helpful.
And three that came to mind.
There's a meditation called Everyday Gratitude.
I think that'd be really helpful.
Work Crisis SOS. And then the Managing Anxiety course, I think would be very helpful for some of the things that we talked about today.
Those are great suggestions, Kizunga.
And thank you, as always, as I always like to say, for your wisdom and for putting up with me.
And let's not forget to thank our listeners for their questions.
you know, we wouldn't have a show without the questions.
So to anyone who is listening who has a question that you would like answered onto your Headspace, just head over to SayHi .Chat slash DearHeadspace.
All you have to do is follow the prompts, record your question.
And if we use your question on the show, you're gonna get three free months of Headspace.
You can use it, you can give it to a loved one, it's all good.
That is so awesome, Rosetta.
And now, it's that time of the show where we transition out of this moment onto the next.
And as we talked about today, we often rush from one activity to the next.
So what we've done is we've built in a moment where we help you process what you've just heard and transitioned from this moment into whatever you have next planned.
And so for today as you listen to the sounds of wind going through palm trees, allow your mind to do whatever it wants to do.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and remember to be kind to each other always.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast. It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sara Cohen, Baron Faramar and Danny Krissimi.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Keisanga Giscombay, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden and Yves -Louis Prieto.
Sound recording and post production is by Dan Kral.
Music is by Scott Sorensen and Chris Murguilla.
And a very special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
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