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Okay, let's get started.
Hi, Yasir.
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.
Hey, Yasir.
How are you?
Oh, hi, man.
Hi.
Hi, Conan.
I'm fine.
I'm doing good.
Yeah, and Sona's here too.
Oh, yeah.
Hi, Sona.
Hi.
Yasir, where in the world are you right now?
Where are you coming to us from?
Yeah, I'm calling you from north France.
It's in the southwest of France.
Got it.
North-south of France.
Got it.
But I'm originally from Morocco.
All right, now tell me, where are you from in Morocco?
From Casablanca.
Wow, you're from Casablanca?
Yeah, yeah.
I was well.
My parents are from there, but I originally was born three hours from Casablanca, but I lived there most of my life, after 18.
I just have to ask right away, Because one of my favorite movies, and probably maybe the most iconic movie in noir cinema, would be Casablanca.
Yeah.
When you see the movie Casablanca, is it at all evocative of the Casablanca you know?
Or is it... It has nothing to do with Casablanca.
I think...
I have no idea.
I never watched it.
What?
You've never watched Casablanca?
What?
I did not watch it.
I know the movie, but I never watched it.
It's like an hour and 40 minutes.
First of all, I'm coming to Casablanca and I'm going to show you the movie Casablanca, and then I'm going to walk around in a trench coat and a hat.
Okay,
And I'm going to make you dress as a French officer, okay?
Okay?
That's just what we're doing.
None of those references speak to me.
I don't care if they speak to you or not, Yassir.
This enrages me.
I don't know what is it about, actually.
It could be about another city.
Okay, well, anyway.
Spoiler, it's not.
It's about the Casablanca that's in Morocco.
And in the title.
Yeah.
Well, Yassir, so...
Tell me a little bit about Casablanca.
Do you think I'd fit in okay there?
Would people accept me in Casablanca?
Yeah, I think people mostly will accept you in Casablanca, but you would definitely, you would stand out.
I mean, you're tall, I think.
I don't know what six feet four in Casablanca in centimeters, but I think you'd be taller than the average pair of people.
We're going to find out for you right now how many centimeters tall I am, thanks to Eduardo, who has an app just for this question, which we get all the time.
How tall are you in centimeters?
And he... 195.
I'm 195 centimeters.
Oh, no, okay.
No, no, no.
You're taller than everybody I know, so... Okay.
No, you'd stand out.
The hair, we don't have lots of redheads in Casablanca, so I think you'd stand out.
Yeah.
Um, someone said that I talked to uh from um, actually from.
Marrakesh, said I.
She thinks I look like a camel.
Thanks for having my back on that.
There's a resemblance.
I can see it.
Yeah.
Okay.
This is great.
This is going really well.
Well, tell me a little bit about yourself.
Yes, sir.
What do you do?
Uh, what do you like?
Uh, what's, what's your whole deal?
Yes, sir.
Yeah.
Well, uh, I'm a project manager for a consultancy.
So I work with clients.
Mostly, I just go talk to people that are more experienced than me and tell them did you finish the thing that you said you were going to finish?
And I just update it on a file.
Yasir, this is the plot of Casablanca.
This is exactly what it's about.
It's about a data manager...
And he keeps asking people, you finished?
Have you put it on a file?
And then at the end, they put it on a file and they all get on a plane and leave.
It's a very good movie.
I can't believe you haven't watched it.
Wow.
Yeah.
And the lead character is called Yasir.
And it's a noir movie.
Yeah.
It's an Excel.
So, okay.
So what do you like?
You know, what do you do for fun?
Do you go to the clubs?
Tell me you go to the clubs.
Sure no, i wish, i wish.
No, i don't go to the clubs.
I uh, i go to the well, in my free time i go to the beach because i live next to the beach.
So i, i usually go to the beach, i just go for a swim and hang in there, read a couple of books or a couple of books.
I read something, and then i come back okay okay, those mostly go to the beach you read a couple of books and then you come home um yeah, do you uh, are you a social person?
Do you have a?
I mean, in general, I do have friends.
But in Nantes, where I live now, I've been living here a couple of years, so I don't have generally a lot of friends.
So I usually go to social things alone.
Oh, okay.
Hey, sounds like you need a friend.
Yeah, that's what I'm calling, I think.
Yeah, this is really nice.
This is a good connection.
Will you be his friend?
No.
I'm busy.
Okay.
No, he doesn't.
Until he sees Casablanca, we are not hanging out.
Yes, of course I'd be your friend.
I'd be glad to be your friend.
Do you make friends easily or are you someone who's more shy?
I mean, I'm easy to talk to, but I'm more shy, so I wouldn't go to talk to people first.
Yeah, yeah.
But I make friends at work, so a lot of my friends here are my, like, I made them from work, so.
Yeah, I think that's where you meet people.
I'm still trying to find a friend at work.
Good luck.
Keep looking.
Move it, buddy.
Don't look to this side of the table.
Yasser, how could I help you?
I like to try and help people when I go to other lands.
How could I help you, Yasser?
Yeah, well, I think you can help me figure out this friendship thing.
Like, how could I, how would I, you know, approach this?
Especially if I'm at a concert or I'm at like a In a bar or something, how would I approach people?
What if we did a little role-playing?
You're just hanging out at a bar.
We'll call it Rick's Joint.
And you come in, and you see a nice guy, and maybe you'll go strike up a conversation.
Yeah, so let's try it right now.
We're just going to make up the name of a bar, and we're just going to say it's Rick's.
And let's just say that it's being shot in black and white.
And let's just say that you've come in there, You have special papers.
You've been given that you have to hide because you can't be caught with these papers.
Okay,
This is very specific.
I'm just giving generalities.
There's a piano player named Sam.
Yeah, okay.
And yeah, exactly.
And there's nice music playing in the background.
You must remember this.
A kiss is just a kiss.
Set up for this improv.
We both know the lyrics of this song.
The fundamental things apply as time goes by.
And then you walk in and you're sort of like Peter Lorre.
You're like, hey, man.
You know, Ren and Stimpy.
Oh, she's my name.
Yeah, you're sort of, but your name is Yasir.
And you're like, hey.
But anyway, so you come in and you see me and I'm sitting there.
I'm, you know, classic Conan stiff upper lip.
Oh my God, you're Humphrey Bogart?
I didn't say that.
I said, I've just got a stiff upper lip.
Okay.
And I'm sitting there and I'm on a scotch.
That was a big gulp of water you just took yesterday.
I guess I'm making this too long.
You just had to hydrate during my setup.
That's a new low for me.
You see that gulp he took?
That was a massive bottle.
I'm getting into character.
He just ate a protein bar.
Okay.
Yasser.
And you're up.
Enter and you see Conan.
You try to make friends.
Go.
Oh.
Hi, Conan.
Is this seat taken?
Of all the joints and all the weight.
Oh, come on.
He has to come into mine.
I don't really enjoy people.
I'm just realizing that now.
Oh, my God.
It always goes to Nixon.
Who is that?
You think I'm a crook?
I'm not a crook.
My mother had a good Republican cloth coat.
She was a quaper, a quaker.
A quaper.
A quaper.
She was a quaper, but then she saw a doctor and she had it fixed.
Then she was a quaker.
Yasser.
Hey, Yasser, I'm Conan.
It's, hey man, you seem like a nice guy.
You seem funny.
You seem nice.
Maybe we should hang out sometime.
What do you like to do?
Maybe we'll go see a classic movie.
He just asked if the seat was taken.
You might want to move on to someone else.
Yeah, sir.
Maybe I came on too strong.
I might have come on too strong.
I think so.
Let's try it again.
Let's try it again.
Let's try it again.
And you go.
You go first.
Oh, hi, Conan.
Oh, you know me.
You're familiar with...
You're familiar with my work?
Oh, yeah, no.
Yeah, the premise is okay.
Yeah, this is just some guy.
You're some guy.
I'm not Conan.
Let's say you guys are at a McDonald's, okay?
Ooh, yeah.
Okay.
Hi.
What's the best menu out here?
I don't work here.
I just landed for the first time.
I just landed for the first time.
I come to Morocco.
I go to my favorite McDonald's.
You're from here and you ask me what's good?
What's your problem, buddy?
It's not you, Yasser.
Yasser, that's again on me.
I think, you know what?
I was jet lagged.
I was jet lagged.
Why don't you go up to him?
Okay, I'll go up to you, Yasser.
Hey, I'm new here.
I just flew in. from Los Angeles, and I've just arrived in Morocco.
This is my first time.
My name's Conan.
What's your name?
Oh, my name is Yasser.
Oh, Yasser.
Oh, how's it going?
Do you like Casablanca?
I mean, I live here, so yeah.
Hey, there are people that live in all kinds of cities, you know?
People that live in Cleveland.
I don't assume they all love it, you know?
So you might have opinions.
Hey, if you live in Casablanca... and you were born here, you must know the movie Casablanca.
Oh, God.
I heard it's pretty good.
Pretty good?
It's a closet?
What do you mean you haven't seen it?
Yasser, again, I went to rage.
That's always what I do, and I made a mistake.
I apologize.
Okay, tell me about the food.
What's your favorite meal in Casablanca?
Oh, my favorite food there is couscous.
So that's my favorite dish.
Okay.
And what's your go-to meal that you go to?
Well, my go-to meal is fast food.
So I usually go for a McDonald's.
Wait, seriously?
You go to McDonald's?
That's why you were there.
Yeah.
But wait, what's your favorite meal at McDonald's?
A Big Mac.
I usually take a Big Mac with fries and a Diet Coke.
Oh, a little healthy flourish at the end.
Wait, so I love this.
I love this.
I love, I love this life.
I love this world where I can talk to someone who's living in Morocco and steeped in that centuries old culture.
And I asked them, what do you, what do you, what do you love to eat?
He's like, I like a Big Mac, but not the movie Casa Blanca.
You know, Big Mac, but you like a Big Mac.
And what do you get?
What's your order?
You Big Mac.
You said fries, large fries or small fries.
No, just small potatoes.
I don't take the fries.
I take the potatoes.
I don't know if you have them.
What is that?
It's like they're fries, and they are fries like the normal McDonald's fries, and there are potatoes that are like they're kind of red.
They're smaller and thicker and red.
Okay.
No, we don't have little... With paprika.
No, you...
Love McDonald's, right?
I love McDonald's.
So you, as a resident expert, we don't have those, right?
No, we don't have that.
But we don't have that here.
That must be a Moroccan thing.
They're huge in Morocco.
Okay.
Do they have any special?
Do they have anything in Morocco besides the potatoes that?
Oh yeah, they have goat cheese.
What?
They have a McNugget.
A goat cheese, it's shaped like a McNugget.
Oh, that sounds good.
But inside, it's all goat cheese.
Like breaded and fried goat cheese?
Yes.
What are those?
Do they have like, you know, curdles or McTakers?
Yeah, do they have funny little names?
I honestly have no idea.
Because they are in French.
So I don't remember.
But it's like goat cheese.
Okay.
Inside.
What is it in French?
Sorry.
All the menus are in French.
I know, but what's it called in French?
Fromage de... Fromage de chevre.
See, that was good.
It was good.
I thought it was wasting our time.
It's mic fromage de chevre.
So, and it's just like our McDonald's here.
Hey, easy on the water, pal.
Let him drink.
What do you mean easy on the water?
I forgot he's in North Africa.
It's probably 100, 200 degrees.
You just said three sentences and you need to complete, replace all of your water.
I need to rehydrate.
Okay, so...
Okay.
Yeah, but those are good, especially when you take them hot.
It's like right after your order, you get them, they're still hot.
It's like it melts in your mouth.
Do you have Happy Meals there?
They do have Happy Meals.
I never had Happy Meals, but I, yeah.
You're an adult.
This is a great, you know what this is?
A great cultural transfer.
You telling us exactly how the McDonald's Happy Meal compares to our Happy Meal.
This is a good way to spend time.
Spend our time, I fear.
But okay, so it sounds like you might need my help being a little more assertive with people to break that barrier.
Talk to people a little more, right.
Yeah.
How else could I help you?
Yeah.
I don't think that's it.
I don't think I need that much help.
I mean, coming from you.
Okay.
I also might get you some stuff for your wall.
Hey, I have things.
Okay.
There's a little bracket behind you, and it looks like you have maybe four postcards.
Yes, from the U.S., from Boston, because I was there.
Oh, okay.
That's nice.
That's nice.
Wow.
So you could show me a McDonald's and some Boston postcards.
I can't wait.
I can't wait to go to Casablanca.
I can't wait to travel 55,000 miles and see a postcard of Faneuil Hall.
And then wash it all down with a Coke and a Big Mac.
Some say that's the Moroccan experience.
I think so.
I think so.
Well, Yasser, I like you.
You seem like a fine gentleman.
And I do implore you to watch Casablanca at some point in your life.
Yeah, I think I'll do it.
It may not bear any resemblance to the real Casablanca that you know.
But, you know, come on.
You should check it out.
Don't you think?
All right.
Yeah.
I'll give it a... I watched all episodes of Boston Legal just because it was Boston, you know?
I can't believe I just threw that out there.
That was such a dumb joke.
All right, Yasser, I resign from comedy.
It was nice talking to you and I'm going to come live with you and I'm bringing some stuff for your wall.
Okay.
Wow.
Okay.
If we could bottle this energy.
No, I'm happy, I'm happy.
I love this guy.
I love this guy.
I do.
You're a lot of fun, Yasser.
I really do like you.
You've got a good vibe, you know?
And I think your resting heart rate is three beats a millennia.
I think you're due for some water, though.
Yeah, yeah.
Rehydrate now, okay?
It's been over eight seconds since you took in some water.
All right, take care, Yasser.
Bye-bye.
Thank you, everyone.
Bye-bye.
Conan O'Brien needs a fan. with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley.
Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Supervising producer, Aaron Blair.
Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples.
Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm.
Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
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