I hate to dampen the moodalready, but today I'm going to be sharing with you two absolutely horrificstories.
These events happened to me a few yearsago, and I've hesitated to tell these stories because I wasn't sure up until now if they would be useful topeople.
But I've come to the conclusion recently that I think they can be useful forpeople, for a fewreasons.
Numberone, because these events could have been prevented if I had been a bit smarter about some of mychoices.
And I hope that you can learn from mymistakes.
Numbertwo, a lot of times we think that certain things won't happen tous.
And so we can live naively in away.
And I think it's a good reminder that we need to keep our eyes peeled and we need to be aware of the dangers of theworld.
It's obviously not good to consume yourself withthem, but it's important to acknowledge that they're out there and they can happen to you and they can happen toanyone.
And last but notleast, there's something beautiful about knowing that other people have been through similar challenges toyou.
There's just something inherently comforting aboutit.
And so hopefully one of thesethree, or maybe allthree, if I'mlucky, will make this episode and these stories worth hearing foryou.
These are two party horrorstories.
And I don't know exactly how to describe them because I'm still sort of unsure about whathappened.
It'll make more sense as I tell thestories, but these are two stories about me going to parties and it ending really badly because I accidentally consumed something that ultimately made meunconscious.
Okay. Butit's, but nothing bad happened tome.
Okay. I mean bad things didhappen, but no one took advantage ofme.
I'm so lucky and so grateful that I had people around me to take care of me when I ultimately passed out in these twoscenarios.
I cannot even express how grateful I am forthat.
But there's a lot of mystery still with thesestories.
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So the first time this happened was at a collegeparty.
It was one of my first collegeparties.
I knew someone at the time who went to thiscollege.
And they invited my friend and I to thisparty.
And I was sort of excited because at the time I wasyoung.
And I hadn't gotten to experience college because I obviously decided not to go if you know that aboutme.
And there was something intriguing about entering into this sort of college experience while not being atschool.
It was sort of scratching an itch forme.
And I was very excited about going to this collegeparty.
And at the time I wassingle.
So I was very excited about the prospect of potentially meeting a cute boy my age or something because I'd been hanging out with a lot of people that were a bit older thanme.
And so to set thescene, it wasme, myfriend, who's agirl, myage, and a boy who's also aage.
I remember this party was kind of a long way away from where Ilived.
Like I really had to drive to thisparty.
And I remember just being soexcited.
But also a little bit nervous because I was kind of intimidated by college kids in away.
I didn't feel like I could relate to them verywell.
I felt kind of like anoutsider, kind of like aweirdo.
And so I felt a littlenervous,right?
Like, youknow, all these kids go to school together and they all have friend groups andstuff.
And obviously I have my friends that I'm goingwith.
But I just don't feel like I'm going to know how to chop it up with thesekids.
Like, I don't know how I'm going to talk tothem.
It'sjust, I feel like anoutsider.
So we get to the party and we walk in and immediately my anxietytriples.
I'm even morenervous. As Isuspected, there's all these different friendgroups.
It felt like there was a culture going on that I was not a partof.
Like everyone dressed really similar and had the same vibe and knew eachother.
And I kind of was dressed different and I just felt like I was not fitting in right in away.
And my girlfriend and I werelike, let's go try to find alcohol so that we can have adrink.
This is a houseparty. So we're sort of just looking around like the kitchenor, youknow, there was like this tableoutside.
We're looking at the table outside and we could not findanything.
And so we start asking around like if anyone has any alcohol and nobody was really offering anythingup.
This is when things get out ofcontrol.
My girlfriend and I spot this bottle of vodka behind abush.
Now inretrospect, this is a horrible idea to pick this up and drinkit.
Okay, it's a fucking terribleidea.
But in my head at thetime, I waslike, we're at a houseparty.
These are a bunch ofkids.
Somebody probably just put this vodka behind you so that nobody would drinkit.
It's probably perfectlyfine.
It's in a bottle like it looksnormal.
Youknow, what could be so wrong aboutit?
And so my girlfriend and I take this bottle and at this point we had consumed noalcohol.
So we are completelysober.
We both take a swig out ofit.
And I remember not being able to even swallowit.
Like it was sostrong. The alcohol was sostrong.
It was likeridiculous.
Like I literally was gagging onit.
And then we bring this bottle of vodka over to our guy friend and we'relike,hey, we foundthis.
Do you wantsome? He takes a swig out ofit.
Fromthere, we all proceed to take onemore.
So I would say intotal, I probably consumed a shot in ahalf.
Now that's atmax. Like I could barely swallow it because it was so alcoholic tasting that I don't even know if I got like a full shot in ahalf.
I might have even just been ashot.
Eitherway, I have taken at that point in my life manyshots.
Like I am aware of mylimits.
Andhonestly, for me at thetime, taking one shot wasn't going to domuch.
Itmaybe, maybe make me feel a teensy bitbuzz.
But I'm not necessarily alightweight.
That won't do that much tome.
So I wasn't expecting much to reallyhappen.
I was just expecting to maybe feel a bit warmersoon.
Youknow, that wasit.Okay, I remember walking around the party for a bitlonger.
And then I remember waking up in mybed.
And that's all Iremember.
Now, I remember waking up in my bed and beinglike, how did I gethere?
I only had like ashot. Like how is this evenpossible?
And the two friends I was at the party with were also asleep at myhouse.
And I waslike, they didn't gohome.
Like, what'shappening?
What ishappening? And so the three of us sort of meet up and we'relike, do you remember whathappened?
And we were all kind oflike,no,wait,what?
And so our guy friend calls hisfriend.
He waslike,hey,dude, like what happened lastnight?
Like,why? How didwe, whathappened?
How did we get home toEmma?
Like whathappened? He was sober the whole night and he recounted the whole thing forus.
So from what I canremember, hesaid, basically we all started to get drunk or so it seemed kind of all over theplace, kind ofmessy.
And so he waslike,okay, I think I need to take themhome.
Their starting did seemreally, really fuckedup.
And so he put us all in an Uber and he got in the Uber with us to take us back to myplace.
And apparently we all started throwingup.
It got so bad and we were all throwing up so belligerently that the Uber had to pull over at a gasstation.
And the three of us just proceeded to vomit for like 15minutes.
Finally, when the vomitingstopped, we got put in another Uber and ultimately got taken home where a few of us continued to throwup.
But he put us all to sleep and we all woke up safe and sound the nextmorning.
None of us remember any of thishappening, which is the most bizarre and insane part of itall.
We don't remember it atall.
And I have a few conspiracies about what happened because obviously there's no way that the three ofus, especially the boy in the group who was anathlete, is an athlete is very tall can consume a lot of alcohol without experiencing the effects like there's no way we all had thelittle, little teeny amount of alcohol that wehad.
And then I had thisimpact.
There's a few things that could have potentiallyhappened.
What I think it was is everclear.
Apparently, ever clear is an incredibly strong type of purealcohol.
Vodka is 80proof, whereas in everclear, I guess it can be as high as like 190proof.
So it's like double as strong asvodka.
And Imean, I have no idea where they would have even gotten that or like how that's evenpossible.
What my conspiracy is that they put ever clear or some sort of really pure strong strong strong alcohol in order to who knows what they were goingto.
And why they didn't keep it in the ever clearbottle.
Maybe it was for some sort of evilpurpose.
I don'tknow, but all I know is that something very odd happenedthere.
And because we didn't go to the hospital to get tested and truly figure out whathappened.
There was sort of no way ofknowing.
And the whole thing was just sobizarre.
I will say at the time I was very young andnaive.
And so when thishappened,yes, it wastraumatic, but I wasn't really fully conscious of how dangerous that situation reallywas.
And how badly it could have goneotherwise.
I was still sort of naive tothat.
I was also more negligent with mylife.
Like I didn't really take good care ofmyself.
And I didn't really worry about myself at thetime.
Whereas now I'm the completeopposite.
I'm very concerned about my well-being and myhealth.
And I'm super observant about things going on aroundme.
And I'm very protective of myselfnow.
But that was not always thecase.
What I wish I would have learned from that experience was numberone.
Don't drink random bottles of alcohol that are out ofhouse.
Youknow, I'd love to say that'sfine.
Like if you know everybody who's throwing theparty, youknow, it'sfine.
But I honestly have made it a rule in my life to never do thatagain.
Unless it's like a small house party and it's just my closest friends orsomething.
And I know that they're not going to do anything weird with thealcohol.
I'm not touching random bottles of alcohol fuckinganywhere.
The only thing I'll consume at a house party is drinks there andcans.
For the mostpart, you're going to be fine with drinking out of acan.
But youknow, I wish I would have learned thatthen.
But Ididn't. And so I didn't really learn my lesson from thatexperience.
And it proceeded to happen again a whilelater.
And the second time was farworse.
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This next story took place at another houseparty.
I attended this house party with a slightly larger group offriends.
I was with a guy I was dating at thetime, maybe three or four otherfriends.
And this was a birthdayparty, but it was a very well set up birthday party like there was a bartender and a bar setup.
And it was very professionallydone.
And this is not a place where you would assume anything would godown.
Imean, obviously it can and itdid.
But in myhead, I didn't expect anything to go wrong in thisenvironment.
Infact, I knew kind of a lot of the people that were going to bethere.
Like it was not like a group of randompeople.
There were definitely random people there that I did notknow.
But I don'tknow. I just kind of expected it to be a safeenvironment.
I show up to this birthday party and I will admit that I was already feelingdrunk.
Like I was not fucked up or blacked out oranything.
Like I was comfortably happilydrunk.
And at that time in mylife, I was actually drinking alot.
It was thesummertime, if I remembercorrectly, and I tend to drink more during thesummer.
But I mentioned that because I was at a place with my drinking where I knew mylimits.
I had been drinking kind of heavily on a weekly basis for months at thatpoint.
And I was in a phase where I was consuming a lot ofalcohol.
Like I was drinking to getdrunk, which is not something that I candon't.
But it was just a phase that I was in at thattime.
It wasn't like I had come off six months of nodrinking.
And then this was my first nightout.
And I didn't know mylimits.
So I was very good at the time and very intuitiveabout, youknow, making sure that I didn't overdoit.
All of that tosay, I went into thisevening, beinglike,yeah, I can have like two more drinkstonight.
Like noproblem. And I was feeling comfortably drunk and that wasthat.
And I went up to the bar and I got adrink.
And I slowly drankit. I don't even know if I fully finishedit.
I might have like thrown it out halfwaythrough.
And then I think I got like onemore.
And this was over the courseof, I don'tknow, probably twohours, maybe an hour and ahalf, twohours.
And after that seconddrink, I don't rememberanything.
And I woke up this time in thehospital.
And I wasstunned. It is one of the most unsettling feelings I've ever felt in my life to wake up in the hospital and not know how you gotthere.
I've never experienced anything remotely like thatfeeling.
It washorrific. And I immediately startedcrying.
I wassobbing,sobbing,sobbing.
And I waslike, I wasspeechless.
I truly wasspeechless.
I had no fucking idea how I gotthere.
And I didn't have myphone.
I didn't know where my phonewas.
I didn't know where anythingwas.
And so I asked the nurse when she came to check up on melike, whathappened?
And she waslike, you drank toomuch.
I waslike,what? How was thatpossible?
Like, I've been drinking way more than I did last night for months onend.
Like, how didtonight,what?
I was still veryconfused.
And the nurse calls my friends to come pick me up and I get in the car and I just startsobbing.
I'm just sobbing and I'm so upset and I feel so bad and I'm so confused and I'm somortified.
And I'm just filled with emotion and I feel like at first I was blamingmyself.
I waslike, I guess I did drink toomuch.
I guess I did losecontrol, which was just so shocking to me because I waslike, I've been drinking a lot formonths.
And I've never once had an instance where it's been lights out the way that it was at thisparty.
Like, it was not adding up to me and I wasso, soconfused.
So my friends recounted the story to me and to behonest, it made it evenworse.
Basically, what happenedwas, one minute I wasnormal.
Okay, I was normal walking around asnormal.
I wasdefinitely, youknow, drunk and happy andoutgoing.
But I was very lively and a lot ofenergy.
I wasn't puking or throwingup.
Nothing washappening.
And then all of a sudden they find me sitting on a couch passedout.
Like literally five minutes after I was acting completelynormal.
They all start freaking out and they're like trying to wake meup.
And I'm able to talk but barely like I'm mumbling like I can barelytalk.
And my eyes are shut and I'm almost unconscious prettymuch.
And they're trying to wake meup, trying to wake meup.
And words start getting to my parents from my friends that shit's goingwrong.
And even other people at theparty,like, arelike,wait,what?
And they're like trying to find my friends to belike, what's wrong withEmma?
It was completely bizarre and out of character and like nothing that's ever happened tome.
Everyone was justshocked.
They could not believe that this was happening and they could not explainit.
So my friends basically have to carry me out to the car and take me to thehospital.
And my parents were on the phone with my friends and they were besidethemselves.
They were so upset and sofrightened, which is so fuckedup, like really upsetting tome.
Likethat, that was one of the most upsetting pieces of it to me was how scared my parentswere.
And they felt out of control because at the time my mom and dad bothlived, youknow, a six hour car ride away fromme.
It wastwo, three in themorning.
It'shorrific. And I felt so fuckingbad.
Oh, myGod, I was sobbing when they were telling me about thatpart.
And then they basically only tested me for my alcohollevels.
They didn't test me for any drugs because my friends werelike,no, she didn't getdrugged.
Imean,like,whatever.
So I didn't get tested for anydrugs.
So who knows if somebody slipped a drug into my drink or possibly it was another ever clear situation where they put ever clear in my drink instead of vodka orwhatever.
I could actually see thathappening.
Oh, I should mention this last part because I had come to the conclusion that there was no foulplay.
Right? That it was my fault that I had probably just drank too much on accident and just miscalculated and that it was myfault.
But then I started talking to other people who were at the sameparty.
And one girl had a similar experience except hers was even more extreme thanme, where she had onedrink,one, and passedout.
Then I was talking to other people and they werelike,yeah, like thatnight, like I fully blockedout.
I don't remember anything like it was soweird.
And so I started to hear through the grapevine that a lot of people were blocking out at this party in an unusualway.
And that was when I knew that something weird was goingon.
And I don't know to this day what thatmeans.
Because I didn't get tested for anydrugs.
My alcohol content level and my body washigh.
But how did it get thathigh?
I don'tknow. And ithonestly, it might have been everclear.
They might have been using ever clear and drinks to get people more drunk to make the party morefun.
To thisday, these twoinstances, I don't know what the fuckhappened.
Okay. There's kind of nothing I can do at thispoint.
And it's frustrating as well because I can't necessarily prove exactly whathappened.
And I think there's something about that that really bothers me because it makes me feellike, did I do somethingwrong?
Did I drink too much and not realizeit?
But I think in both of thesescenarios, there's too many signs pointingto, youknow,well, especially the firstone.
The first one I can100% guarantee that something weirdhappened.
The secondtime, I'm99%sure.
Let me say95%sure. And the5% of doubt is that I wasdrunk.
That has happened to me literally one other time in mylife.
And it was myfault. And I knew I drank too muchalcohol.
Like it was a dumbidea. And I wasactually, I'll just tell you thatstory.
So I wasyoung. I just left highschool.
And my friend and I were going to a musicfestival.
And she brought a bottle of alcohol fromhome.
And at thispoint, I had barely everdrank.
And every time I had drankprior, like in high school andstuff, I had gotten verydrunk.
Never quite like a fullblackout, but prettydrunk.
Like I did not know my limits at this time in mylife.
And it was the morning of the musicfestival.
And youknow, we weren't allowed to bring alcohol into thefestival.
So I waslike, I'm just going to get drunkbeforehand.
And I took like seven shots ofvodka.
Well, I ultimately ended up showing up to this musicfestival.
And within an hour of beingthere, I'm throwing up on thegrass.
And I eventually collapsed onto thefloor.
And then my friend ultimately had to take us back to the hotel so I could sleep itoff.
And then when I wokeup, I was totallyfine.
But it was definitely notgood.
But that was the only other time that I had something similar to like the lights outof, youknow, thatevening.
But the difference waslike, I was spreading out thedrinks.
Youknow, the night of that birthdayparty.
And I was super aware of like mylimits.
And I knew that I could have like one or two more drinks and be totallyfine.
I felt so good about mysituation.
Andthen, youknow, I fully fucking had to go to thehospital.
So it's just veryunusual.
And it's also unusual that other people had the sameexperience.
Some way more extreme than me where it was like one drink and passout.
So it's just veryweird.
And, youknow, I still don't really know whathappened.
Whether somebody slips something in my drink or if it was everclearer, youknow, like the bartenders were using everclear.
Like I don'tknow, but eitherway, it's just made meso, so careful about drinking anything inpublic.
Like let's say I go to a bar and I just get a sparklingwater.
I'm putting my hand over my cup the entiretime.
And I'm never putting my cup down on atable.
And I'm never holding my cup out like whatever with the topopen.
Like I am onit. I'm also looking at my friends cups and making sure nobody's doing anything weird withtheirs.
Like I'm so fucking on it because now I know that this shit fucking happens for fuck'ssake.
I was solucky. Far worse could have happened to me and itdidn't.
And I'm so fucking grateful for that everyday.
And I'm going to avoid ever having it happen to me ever again because it'straumatic.
It istraumatic. And I've learned my lesson fromit.
And I can tell you now that I'mso, so anal aboutit.
And I really recommend everyone else be anal about it too because these experiences even won the best case scenario happens likeme.
And it's ultimately fine and no one's harmed and everything'sokay.
It's traumatic for me for a lot ofreasons.
I'd say number one because it'smortifying.
People seeing me passedout.
Had aparty. That's really mortifying forme.
And youknow, potentially like moments before or moments after me being fully unconscious in these moments like what was Isaying?
Like what was Idoing? Like I'm out of control of my actions in thosemoments.
And that'sreally, really scary forme.
Yeah, I tend to get anxiety as well about what could have been which is sort of uselessbecause.
It's like it didn'thappen.
So we must not overwhelm ourselves with the feeling that it did when itdidn't, if that makessense.
It's important to learn from what could havebeen, but you don't need to bear the weight of it because it didn'thappen.
But I have a tendency to dothat.
Andso, youknow, there's also this sort of psychological pain that comes with what could havehappened,etc,etc.
Solisten, all of that beingsaid, still kind of a mystery what exactlyhappened.
But it's safe to say whatever the fuck happened wasunpleasant.
And I hope that you can learn from it in someway.
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I'm at a place now with alcohol where I still go through little phases of like enjoying a drink withdinner, youknow, maybe having two or three drinks over the course of an evening if I'm really in themood.
But for the mostpart, I'm not really drinking anymore and I think it's had a net positive effect on mylife.
And it's I don't like to make solid rules for myselflike, ohno, I don't drink anymore because I've done that in thepast.
And it's been challenging because there are moments when I'mlike,hey, you knowwhat, I love a glass of wine with dinneror, ohwow, this place has really coolcocktails.
I really want to order a cocktail because this one looks delicious and I want to tryit.
Whynot? But I'm trying to keep it to a minimum thesedays.
And I've successfully been able to dothat.
And it's been delightful for me because I feel in control of mylife, youknow, like at alltimes, like when you getdrunk, you lose control of your life in a way and who you are in away.
Because you something new takes over the alcohol sort of takes over and that's veryscary.
I also am not asanxious.
I don't get into these extreme anxiousclouds, if youwill, because when I was drinking alot, I would fall into these really dark periods of severeanxiety.
Like, I'm alreadyanxious, so I don't need any moreanxiety, but I would fall into phases that were even worse because alcohol causesanxiety.
Often the nextday,really, really severely also alcohol triggered depression in me aswell.
And so after I woulddrink, I would feel reallydepressed, potentially for even weeks after attimes.
And it was justhorrific.
And so I don'tknow, I really just pray that this happens to none ofyou.
And that hopefully you learn something from my experiences and you can drink a bit more safely outthere.
And I send you all warmth and protection in allways, but especially in regards to these scary things that can happen out in theworld.
Anyway, youguys, that is mystory.
Again, hopefully you got something out ofit.
And if you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more new episodes every Thursday andSunday, you can stream anywhere you wantto.
And stream anywhere you getpodcasts, although video episodes are exclusively onSpotify, you can follow anything goes on any social media platforms that anythinggoes.
You can follow me on any social media platform at EmmaChamberlain.
You can check out my coffee company Chamberlain coffee online Chamberlain coffee calm on social media at Chamberlaincoffee.
We're probably in a store near you if you live in the UnitedStates.
So go on our store locator and see if you can pick us up on your next groceryrun.
And ifnot, you can just order it straight to yourdoor.
Allright, that's all I have for youall.
I will talk to you sosoon.
I love you all and appreciate youall.
And I'm so grateful that you hang out withme.
It is such a joy in mylife.
And I'll talk to you all verysoon.
