The following podcast is a dear media production.
Hello, welcome back to Trena to Care.
I'm laughing because I feel like every episode I introduce myself in that way.
And I'm like, do I have to do that?
Do I have to introduce myself every episode?
I feel like it's so formal, but I do it anyways.
So hi, if you're new here, my name is Ashley.
So happy to have you.
But if you're not new here or you listened to last week's episode, I briefly mentioned that I got invited on my first brand trip and I was so nervous about going, I almost said no because this was not only my first brand trip, but the first event where I didn't get a plus one and I had to go alone and I
was just nervous about it and I didn't know anyone and I didn't know what to expect.
So naturally it scared me.
But situations like that, where I'm nervous and I'm overthinking and I'm allowing my anxiety to kind of control what I actually want to do, I feel like I have to go through with it regardless of how scared I am because I talk so much about not caring what people think about you and not allowing other
people to dictate what you do with your life, especially on this podcast.
I talk about it and I just feel like if I were to allow my anxiety to get in the way of these incredible opportunities, I would be the biggest hypocrite.
I just don't want to be that person that's like, don't care what people think about you, just go live your life and then I don't take my own advice.
So with that being said, I ended up going and I had the best time ever.
I met so many amazing people.
The trip itself was just incredible, so relaxing.
Being Frenchy is who hosted and invited me which if you don't know, it's Ashley Of course, Ashley Tisdale has gone on every single brand trip that being Frenchy has hosted, except for the one that I'm invited to, which is like so valid because she just had a baby.
I like, I get it. But I was like, this would happen to me like, I'm in this close to meeting Ashley Tisdale but not quite, not quite there yet, but mark my words, it will happen.
I will meet Ashley Tisdale because I freaking love her.
But the trip itself, incredible.
It was basically like glamping.
Like we each had our own cabin.
It was kind of like we were at summer camp.
I kept saying I feel like I'm at camp rock or like in the parent trap.
Amazing though, we did candle painting, we rode bikes, we had spa time and got massages.
We did a sound bath.
We did this like dream interpretation where we met with an expert and we talked about our dreams and what they meant.
It was just so relaxing.
So Zen, like I think I need to go on more wellness retreats because I just felt so refreshed and the entire time I was there, I just felt like nothing else mattered.
Like anything I was upset about, anything that was bothering me, I was mad about.
Didn't matter. I was just so relaxed.
But before I went, I definitely had a lot of nerves and I did not feel as good as I do now.
And part of me wanted to say no, but I didn't want to say no because I didn't want to go.
I very much wanted to go, but I was just overthinking the trip so much before it even happened.
I was getting so in my own head about like, what if this happens?
What if people don't like me?
What if I feel out of place?
Like I did in California?
What if I struggle with imposter syndrome again?
What if I get homesick?
Like thinking of every possible negative scenario that could happen.
And I'm so happy that I overcame that.
And I was like, hold up, Ashley.
Like let's take a step back.
Let's chill out. Yeah, all of those things could happen.
But what about all the amazing things that could happen?
And I'm just very proud of myself that I was able to redirect my thinking and overcome those thoughts.
And I was like, you know what?
We're going. But there's been so many times before that where overthinking has gotten in my way and has taken away so many potential amazing opportunities.
And I want to talk about how overthinking can quite literally ruin your life.
Like it can completely take control of you and take away so many incredible things that are meant for you.
I do want to clarify that when I'm talking about overthinking, I'm not referring to anyone who is struggling with OCD or has severe crippling anxiety.
I don't want to be that person that tells you that you just need to stop thinking badly.
I don't want to sound like that boomer or insensitive relative that's like, anxiety isn't real.
Like just think positively.
In no way am I trying to impose that.
I just want this episode to be a reminder that overthinking can cause so much distress and make us feel like we're in danger when we're not in danger at all.
Like there's no real danger.
And I want this episode to kind of relieve any anxiety that you're having and to help you take your power back if you are struggling with overthinking.
Yes, overthinking sucks and it drives us insane.
But when you think about it, overthinking is a sign that you actually care.
Like very rarely do we spend time thinking about people or thinking about things that don't matter to us.
When you overthink a situation, it's because it matters to you.
Specifically, the outcome of it matters to you.
Like it's not the worst thing that you're sitting there thinking about this thing over and over again.
That's not what the issue is.
The issue is that you're taking this thing that you clearly care about and turning it into a negative.
Instead of looking at it and being excited or being hopeful about it, you're trying to separate yourself from it and you're believing that you're not worthy of it or you're going to mess it up.
You want it so badly that you're scared to lose it.
So you're thinking of all the ways that that could potentially happen.
Like think about a time where you had plans outside, whether it was a wedding or a party or a beach day.
And all week leading up to it, you kept thinking, I really hope it doesn't rain and you don't want it to rain so badly that you just keep thinking about it and convincing yourself that it's going to rain and it's going to ruin your day.
You allow this fear of something that could happen but hasn't happened yet to stress you out more than just being excited about the actual event.
But the reason you're stressing yourself out about it is because you care about it.
You care about that day so much.
You want it to go so well.
When we're overthinking, we're thinking about not wanting to fail, not wanting to embarrass ourselves, not wanting to let people down.
We're thinking about how we want people to like us.
We want to be accepted.
We want to be successful.
We want to feel safe.
All of these thoughts are coming from a place of, I want this to work out, but I'm scared it won't.
I want this to happen, but these are all things that are going to get in my way.
Think about when you've gone on a first date.
You should have been excited, but sometimes you allow the nerves to overcome that excitement.
And instead of thinking, wow, this could be the start of something really great and maybe I'm about to meet my soulmate and I'm so excited.
You might think, what if this person doesn't like me?
What if I don't know what to talk about?
What if they think that I'm boring or that I'm not as pretty as I look online?
You're thinking about these things because you wanted to go well.
Otherwise you wouldn't be anxious.
You wouldn't be nervous.
If you didn't care about it going well, you wouldn't care if you were embarrassed or if you looked bad or if it didn't work out with this person.
Or think about when you were about to take a final exam.
You should have been excited that you're one step closer to finishing and being done with that class and you've studied and you know your stuff, but the day before you might be overthinking and getting in your head thinking of every negative outcome.
What if I get the exam and I don't know anything?
What if I run out of time?
What if I sleep through my alarm and I don't even make it there?
What if I don't pass and then I have to retake the class?
You're overthinking these things because you want to do well.
Otherwise, you wouldn't think twice about the outcome of it.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Overthinking is something that a lot of us struggle with.
The reason that a lot of us struggle with overthinking is because we're unsure of the future and we want things to go well.
We want things to work out for us.
We want people to like us.
We want to be successful.
We can also be afraid of letting people down or embarrassing ourselves.
A lot of this comes from self -doubt, insecurities, a lack of confidence or even just the fear of the unknown.
I found that therapy is a great tool for overcoming these issues and becoming more comfortable with the unknown.
If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.
BetterHelp is therapy that's done entirely online.
You speak to a licensed therapist through video, audio, and chat sessions.
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So, if you match with one and it's just not working out, you could switch with no additional cost.
The reason that I love BetterHelp and why it's different from other places to offer therapy is because it's online and it's super flexible.
You can work around your schedule.
A lot of people have a hard time scheduling therapy and don't go to therapy because of work and school.
Life just gets crazy.
So this is perfect for someone who's busy but still wants to prioritize their mental health.
If you're listening to today's episode and you're resonating with what I'm saying, if you're struggling with overthinking, I really do believe that therapy is an amazing way to work through it.
It might not stop overthinking completely, but therapy can give you ways to move through it and cope with it to find a way to redirect your thinking.
Overcome your fears with BetterHelp.
Visit betterhelp .com slash TNTCTay to get 10 % off your first month.
That's betterhelp .com slash TNTCTay.
Thank you BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode.
Now, let's get back to it.
Before I went on that trip, I was overthinking how I would feel and how people would treat me.
But I wasn't overthinking and trying to talk myself out of going because I didn't want to go.
It was because I wanted to go and I wanted to go a certain way.
I wanted to go into this trip and meet a bunch of girlfriends and make amazing connections and support a brand that I really love.
But my anxiety was trying to be louder than my excitement.
And that's why I was sitting there overthinking everything that could go wrong instead of thinking of everything that could go right and how amazing the trip could be.
Overthinking is a pain in the ass and it sucks, but it is a sign that whatever you're thinking about, whatever you're having anxiety about, is important to you.
Otherwise, you wouldn't be thinking twice about it.
For me, I don't sit there and overthink taking the garbage out because that doesn't hold a lot of value for me.
Like, yeah, I have to do it.
Well, actually, I don't have to do it.
My boyfriend does it.
But if I had to, there's not a lot riding on me throwing the trash out.
The worst thing that's going to happen is that it piles up.
But I'm not spending the entire day worrying about taking the trash out because it really doesn't matter to me.
It's not important to my success or my happiness or anything really, other than I have to take the trash out.
Like, that just has to happen, but it's not a big deal.
Whereas I might sit and overthink a conversation I had with someone last night because I really want that person to be in my life or I want them to like me or I want to grow a connection.
I might sit and overthink how people are going to react to the video I posted because that video means a lot to me and I want to perform well.
You should care about those things.
You should care about them working out.
Caring is not a bad thing.
Caring is not a weakness.
You shouldn't beat yourself up over worrying about things that matter to you.
The issue is not caring.
The issue is when you start overanalyzing everything to the point where you're spiraling and your thoughts become an obstacle and actually pursuing the things that you want.
Overthinking quite literally robs you of experiencing your life.
Like, there are so many things in life that I didn't do or I almost didn't do all because I was thinking of all these terrible things that could happen and kept replaying them in my head.
Just coming up with horrible, horrible scenarios to the point where I wasn't even excited about anymore because when I think about this thing that I was excited about, I would then just associate it with fear and anxiety.
It went from being a positive thing to something negative when it didn't even happen yet.
You tell yourself that everything's going to go wrong, that you're gonna be in danger or you're gonna get in trouble or you're going to embarrass yourself, you're gonna look stupid, people are gonna make fun of you and no one's gonna like you and you tell yourself these things over and over again until
you believe it. If I'm telling myself that when I go up in front of these people I'm going to embarrass myself and everyone's gonna laugh at me and I'm gonna cry and I'm gonna pass out, obviously that's not something that I want to do.
I don't want to go do that.
I'm going to try and avoid that at all costs and the easiest way to avoid that is to just not do it.
But the thing is, you have no idea if that's what's actually going to happen and you won't know until it does.
But that's why I say overthinking robs us of our experiences because we're allowing overthinking to push us to a point where we step in and stop it before it happens.
My mind's telling me that this thing is going to be bad and instead of allowing myself to experience it and see it for myself I just don't go through with it and now I'm robbed of that experience that was meant for me.
I also want to add that I'm not talking about listening to your intuition because there's a huge difference between intuition and anxiety.
I have an entire episode talking about that.
But I'm not saying that if you have a gut feeling that something's wrong or something bad is going to happen or that you just don't feel comfortable that you should ignore how you feel and just go through with anyways because you're supposed to experience it.
I'm talking about when you're sitting there thinking and thinking and thinking coming up with these things in your head and then not allowing yourself to see it through.
I talk more about that in the episode but the biggest difference in my opinion between intuition and anxiety is intuition just comes to you and it feels calm whereas anxiety you're consciously thinking about it.
You're like thinking it up and it's loud and it feels scary.
So I just want to make that clear that I'm not saying to ignore gut feelings.
That's a very very different than overthinking things.
But anyways the other day when I was on my trip being Frenchie we had a dream interpretation session where we talked about our dreams and what they meant and the speaker had opened the floor to see if we had any questions for her.
And I have a lot of wild dreams.
I also struggle with sleep paralysis.
I have night terrors.
So I have a lot of questions.
I'm a bitch with the backstory and for a good like five minutes I was just going back and forth in my head of like do I raise my hand?
Do I ask these questions?
I really want them answered but I don't know like maybe I should just sit back and listen to other people because I was scared that people were going to judge me based off my questions like the other girls were asking questions like what does it mean if I see this animal in my dream or if I have a dream
where I'm pregnant and then I have this question of like what does it mean when every single night I have a dream where I'm dying and then I wake up from that dream and I have sleep paralysis.
You know it's a little uncomfortable to ask that question and a room full of people that you don't really know but I really wanted to have this conversation with the speaker but I was just afraid that people were going to look at me like I was a crazy person but I worked up the courage to ask my question and I'm
so happy I did because I got really good feedback from her and it showed me that a lot of our fears and anxieties are in our head.
They're not factual like just because I think someone's going to act a certain way or something's going to play out a certain way doesn't mean it's going to like I asked my questions and some of the girls didn't even look at me like didn't care at all what I was saying which is totally fine but it's
like what I always say people are way more concerned with how you view them than how they're viewing you like I'm sure there's other girls who are sitting there just as nervous as I was to ask their questions or speak to the room.
The reason I'm sharing that is because I almost allowed my overthinking to take away from an experience I wanted to have.
I wanted my questions to be answered.
I also really really liked the conversations I had the entire session and I knew that the speaker was someone who I was interested in potentially having as a guest on my podcast and this podcast is a solo podcast I never have guests on but I know that if I were to have guests on I want them to be guests
who I truly love speaking to and that you would benefit from and when we had this session I was like oh my god like I need her on the podcast like there's just so many more questions I have for her and I feel like it would just be such an incredible episode and I just was like you know you got to go
up afterwards and you have to talk to her and ask her if she'd be interested and I almost talked myself out of going up and talking to her because I didn't think it would be something that she was interested in I didn't want to bother her but I picked myself up and I was like no Bashlee we're doing this like
we're going up to her and we're gonna ask and I asked her and it was such an amazing conversation.
She said she was super interested we talked about Zodiac signs like it was so good but I would have missed out on that if I listened to those thoughts and listened to those doubts in my head.
I mean think of everything good in your life.
Everything that you're grateful for your friends, your partner, the school you go to, your job, your hobbies, your animals, your greatest achievements like imagine if you didn't have any of those things because you talked yourself out of them.
Imagine if you said no to that first date with your current boyfriend or imagine if you didn't work up the courage to introduce yourself to your now best friend.
Imagine if you didn't go to tryouts for the team that you're on now because you told yourself that you weren't good enough or imagine you never posted that video on social media because you were worried about no one liking the video.
Like you wouldn't know the life that you're living right now all because you were over thinking about what could go wrong all because you were worried that people weren't gonna like you or you were gonna look cringy or that things just weren't gonna work out.
The reason we tend to overthink things before they even happen is because these things are new and when we don't know what's gonna happen our mind likes to create a story and when our mind creates a story that doesn't feel good it's really easy for us to say, you know what I don't really want to go there.
I don't want to do that.
You know I'm gonna cancel.
But we need to remind ourselves that just because things are new and they're uncomfortable or they're scary it doesn't mean they're bad for us.
Just because something's scary doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
Just because you have anxiety about something doesn't mean it's the wrong thing.
It's just a new thing.
It's just a thing that's unpredictable and you're not gonna know what's gonna happen until it actually happens.
But that doesn't mean that it's a bad thing.
It can still be so exciting.
And when you forget that new things are exciting even when they're scary and you're just focused on a thing that you've never done before that's when we get in our own way and we don't allow ourselves to see that experience through.
But the thing is worrying doesn't change the outcome.
Yeah, you can change the outcome when you step in and you interfere with what's supposed to happen by not going through with it like canceling plans or not showing up to work or staying home or not sending that text or not posting that video.
You can step in and change it that way but that's when you rob yourself of that experience.
Other than that, worrying doesn't change what's going to happen.
You could spend all night coming up with these elaborate scenarios about what's gonna happen and you might be right those things might happen but there's also a chance they don't happen and they never happen and you won't know whether they're gonna happen or not until you allow yourself to actually
experience it. When you're sitting there thinking about it you have no control over what's going to happen.
You could sit there and be like this might happen and this might happen but that doesn't change what's actually going to happen.
So if you have no control over it there's no point in you sitting there thinking about these things over and over and over again driving yourself insane.
Obviously I still struggle with this as I feel like most people do but I wish someone had told me this when I was younger because there's so many times where I felt like I lacked control and it absolutely sent me spiraling.
Like when I was a sophomore in high school, I dated a guy who was in college and that relationship was just so up and down like one week we'd be good and then the next week he'd break up with me and block my number and throughout that relationship I would just drive myself insane when he'd be at school
and I'd be home. I would just spend hours thinking about like what is he doing?
Is he hanging out with other girls?
Is he cheating on me?
Am I going to wake up to a text tomorrow and he's breaking up with me?
And I would just spend so much time making up these scenarios in my head where he hurts me and he cheats on me and he breaks up with me and it's like for what?
He's either going to or he's not going to but there's nothing I can do in that moment where I'm sitting there thinking about it, especially when I'm home and he's at school.
Like I have no idea what he's doing and me thinking about what I think he's doing is only going to hurt me more.
I had no control over what he was doing and in moments like that where you have no control the best thing that you can do is find things that you are in control of like go take a nap, make yourself lunch, go for a walk, talk to someone you love, go play a video game, go clean your room, just find something
that you actually have control over.
I just wish someone had said to me like hey, you know, he might be cheating on you, he probably is, he was, but he might be cheating on you and you won't know until you do.
And if he is and you find out, then you can deal with it then.
But until then, go do something to take your mind off of this so you don't drive yourself insane.
You have no control over other people and how they act.
You have no control over how someone feels about you.
Some things you just need to let play out and then deal with them.
And you're so capable of that too.
Like I'm sure you don't hear it enough because I know that I don't hear it enough but you are so capable of whatever is thrown at you.
Like think about all the things that you've gone through in your life, the ups and the downs and you've gotten through it.
So whatever it is that you're overthinking or that you're nervous about or that you're anxious about, it's just another thing that you've got to get through.
We all have an idea of what we believe a good scenario is versus like a bad scenario for us.
We know what we do want and we know what we certainly do not want.
But more than likely, things are not going to go perfectly and go the way that you want them to.
At least not exactly the way you want them to.
There's going to be things that go in different directions and there's things that happen that weren't even on your radar.
You know, you spent an entire day overthinking every scenario or at least you thought every scenario and what actually happens you didn't even think about.
There's some things that you just cannot plan for, good or bad, and all you can do is just move through them when they're happening.
You cannot think your way into a perfect scenario.
You can't sit there and be like this is going to happen, this is going to happen, and I'm going to do this to make sure that this goes this way.
You don't know what's going to happen.
The best thing that you can do is just trust yourself that no matter what's thrown at you, you can handle it.
For example, if you're worried that people are going to be mean to you, that might happen but you just need to trust that when those people are mean to you, you can compose yourself.
You could stand up for yourself.
You can walk away and you can handle whatever they're saying to you.
This is how we grow.
Like we need to experience things to grow.
If you were handed the same situation every single time, familiar things, familiar people, and people were just always nice to you, and you always got what you wanted, you would never grow because you'd never feel uncomfortable.
You'd never feel like you need to try new things.
Trying new things, experiencing new things, being uncomfortable and unsure is how we grow.
You cannot stay the same and expect to be happy and fulfilled because a good thing can only be good for so long.
Eventually, things bend and break and need to change.
Life is about experiencing and exploring.
You're not supposed to have it figured out.
You're not supposed to be certain about every single thing that you do.
So if you're unsure about something, if you're overthinking or you're worried that you're not good enough or you're going to mess up or people are going to dislike you.
Yeah, they might dislike you.
And yeah, you might make a mistake and things might not go exactly the way that you wanted them to.
But that's the point.
Stop beating yourself up for not being perfect.
No one's perfect. People mess up every single day.
But the reason you don't worry about them is because you're so worried about you messing up and you being the perfect person.
And you might not ever be a perfect person.
But at least you could be a person who's committed to growing and becoming a better person.
Becoming a better person than you were yesterday.
Every new experience and every opportunity you have to grow makes you better.
So let yourself mess up and be uncomfortable and have problems to solve.
That's what you're supposed to be doing.
I want to wrap up this episode with just kindly reminding you that your thoughts aren't concrete evidence.
They're not factual.
Just because you think something's going to happen doesn't mean it will.
And the fact that it's a possibility shouldn't stop you from living your life or pursuing things that matter to you.
Now listen, if there's something that you actually don't want to do, you're dreading it, you're like, fuck, I don't want to do this.
You don't have to. Like you shouldn't feel forced to do something.
But if there are things that you're excited about, if there's people you want to meet, you want to connect with, there's things you want to pursue to further your career, whatever it is.
Don't allow your negative thoughts to keep you from those things.
Yes, things can go wrong or go opposite of what you want, but that's not even the worst case scenario.
Like the worst case scenario is you not allowing yourself the opportunity to see what's going to happen.
If you're struggling with overthinking, my best advice to you is, like I said before, to redirect your thinking, whether that's just reminding yourself of the potential good that could happen instead of the bad, or just by finding something else to take your mind off whatever it is that's stressing
you out. Like listen to a podcast.
Watch your favorite show.
Go hang out with your friends.
Just find something that's actually in your control and that's going to ease your mind.
Overthinking is so, so, so normal.
We all do it. What's important is that we don't allow overthinking.
Get in our way of living our lives to the fullest and stopping us from pursuing what actually matters to us.
So I hope that this episode was able to relieve some stress or anxiety for you.
I hope that if you were struggling with overthinking or if there was something that you've been really wanting to do, but you've been scared of or anxious of because you've been overthinking it.
I hope that this episode encourages you to go after what you want and to not allow your thoughts to consume you.
I hope that this episode reminds you that like you don't have to be perfect.
Things don't have to go perfectly and figuring things out is just part of the process and it's so normal to make mistakes and for things to not go exactly the way that we want them to.
If things were to go exactly the way that we wanted them to all the time, life would be so freaking boring.
With that being said, I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
I hope that it helped you.
If you did like this episode, make sure to rate, try not to care.
Follow me on my social media.
I have a podcast account and a personal account.
Those are all in the show notes.
Okay. I love you guys.
See you next Monday.
Bye Besties.
