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[Mastering the Art of Negotiation: Overcoming Internal Barriers and the Power of Listening]-[Overcoming Nervousness with Insights from Moshe Cohen]

Negotiate Anything · B2 · 2024-10-22

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📋 Summary

Mastering the Art of Negotiation: Overcoming Internal Barriers and the Power of Listening

In a recent episode of Negotiate Anything, host Kwame Christian sat down with negotiation expert Moshe to discuss the often-overlooked psychological dimensions of high-stakes conversations. While many professionals focus heavily on acquiring new strategies and tactics, Moshe argues that the primary obstacle to effective negotiation is not a lack of knowledge, but our inability to access that knowledge when it matters most.

The Problem: Getting in Your Own Way

Moshe introduces the concept of "getting in our own way," a phenomenon where emotions, fears, and internal narratives suppress our ability to execute the skills we have learned. He notes that even when people are well-prepared, they may "get upset," "get shut down," or experience physical symptoms of stress—such as racing hearts or inability to breathe—that interfere with their effectiveness.

Instead of simply piling on more training, Moshe suggests that negotiators must learn to manage these "moments." When a conversation takes an unexpected turn, the key is to "slow it down." By recognizing that you have been "triggered," you can pause, breathe, and choose a more measured response rather than reacting impulsively out of fear or frustration.

Reframing the Narrative: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

A significant portion of the discussion focuses on the "stories we tell ourselves." Moshe explains that these internal narratives—about ourselves, the other party, or the situation—often dictate our behavior. For instance, believing "I am a leader, I should push through" can be a counterproductive story if it prevents you from taking a necessary pause to regain composure.

Moshe emphasizes that we should be the "author, not the victim" of our stories. He advises listeners to:

  1. Identify the story: Write it down to make it concrete.
  2. Question the story: Ask, "How do I actually know this is true?"
  3. Edit the story: If a narrative is not serving your interests, substitute it with a more empowering one.

He points out that we often fall prey to "false dichotomies," such as the belief that advocating for oneself is inherently selfish. By subtly editing our stories to allow for both collaboration and self-advocacy, we can become more effective negotiators.

The Power of Strategic Listening

Perhaps the most vital skill highlighted is listening. Moshe describes the "listening triangle," which centers on asking open-ended questions, staying silent, and reflecting back what the other person has said. He admits that he used to be "awful" at this, as his goal was often just to "refute" the other party or wait for his turn to speak.

True mastery in negotiation comes from replacing judgment with "curiosity and empathy." By genuinely seeking to understand the other party's perspective, you gain the strategic advantage of knowing what they truly need. As Moshe aptly puts it, "The person who's actually controlling the conversation is the person who's asking open-ended questions and staying silent."

Conclusion

Ultimately, successful negotiation is less about "pulling out some sort of amazing negotiation techniques" and more about self-awareness and human connection. By learning to manage our internal emotional state and dedicating ourselves to active, curious listening, we can transform any conversation into a winning negotiation. As Moshe concludes, we must move away from viewing negotiation as a battle to be won through clever tactics and instead view it as a collaborative process of discovery.

🎯Key Sentences

1
Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice.
2
Something happens between the theory and the execution that interferes with their ability to be effective.
3
I came to the conclusion that it was them.
4
And more roundly, it's us.
5
I think this is a great opportunity for us to slow down and recognize this moment here too.
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📝Key Phrases

1
get out of one's own way
2
brought to the table
3
disempowering
4
hold someone back
5
throw someone off
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📖 Transcript

The LinkedIn Podcast Network is sponsored by SAP.
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Hey, I'm Gianna Pradente.

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