Hey, so what do you think?
New haircut?
Necklace?
Dress?
Boots?
Boots!
Now, they're a little more than I usually spend on boots.
Um, or rent.
Oh, my God.
I know.
I'm gonna miss being able to afford food.
I'm sorry.
They just looked so good.
And the saleswoman was looking at me like, these are way too extensive for you.
She had a point.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Monica.
Those boots are amazing.
They're mine.
Yeah, well, too bad we're going to have to return them.
Return them?
Shh, they're going to hear you.
Honey, I'm not returning them, okay?
I mean, I know they cost a lot, but I'm going to wear them all the time.
You'll see.
Besides, I love the compliments.
I mean, have you ever had something that was so beautiful that everyone wants it?
I have you.
Nice try.
I'm keeping the boots.
Phoebe, come here.
I want to show you something in the bathroom.
Oh, Monica, grow up.
Hey, what do you got behind your back?
Nothing.
Just something I want to get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.
You don't want my opinion?
Not really.
Come on.
I'm your older brother.
Ask me.
Oh, OK, big brother.
Which one of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter?
So your best friend would want to do her.
The red one.
So what do you think?
I've still got it.
Why did you get me this?
What is it?
Bitch, yelling, bleeding, dilating.
Oh, the dilating.
Is this the video of the baby being born?
Sweetie, this is Phoebe's.
Why were you even watching it?
I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentine's Day.
Chandler, if you thought I was gonna get you porn for Valentine's Day, you were right.
Apparently.
It's about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom but ends up having sex with a lot of guys.
Yeah, it got four stars.
Oh, wait a minute.
Those aren't stars.
Anyway, you want to take a look?
Well, I'm not really in a sexy mood right now.
Hey, what's going on?
Well, remember the first time you saw Jaws?
How long it took to go back in the water?
We can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day.
You don't know.
You didn't see it.
Childbirth, it's a natural thing.
It's beautiful.
Oh, beautiful?
Really?
Huh, really?
You think this is beautiful?
Ow!
Oh, my God!
No wonder my mother hates me!
Ow!
See, honey, there's... Don't touch me!
You read comic books, right?
Exclusively.
Who do you think would win in a fight?
Catwoman or Supergirl?
Catwoman, hands down.
Yeah.
But between you and Phoebe, I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe.
What?
Really?
Are you kidding?
Phoebe lived on the street, okay?
Plus, she's got this crazy temper.
She... She's not standing right behind me, is she?
No, you're fine.
All right, well, do you think I could take Rachel?
Well, I'm not sure.
What?
Come on, I am tough.
You know, punch me right here as hard as you can.
Will you relax?
What are you taking this so seriously for?
It doesn't matter.
Oh, really?
Okay.
Well what would you say if I told you that you know, I thought Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
I would say, woman, please.
Hey, Ursula's fiance is really sweet.
He's a teacher.
He does all this volunteer work.
You know, normally you know I don't like really sweaty guys, but this one I could just mop him up.
Oh, my God, Phoebe.
What?
You're getting a crush on your sister's fiance.
No, I'm not.
You are.
Here comes the temper.
Okay.
She stole my jeans.
What?
I have been looking for them all week, and she is wearing them.
So she stole your pants, and then she came back and wore them in front of you?
Don't you see?
It's the perfect crime.
She must have been planning this for years.
I will prove it to you, okay?
About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pin in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch.
Now, when she comes back, I will find it and show you that stain.
Shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
So, tonight's the night of the big bachelor party?
Yeah.
Hey, thanks for giving me that girl's number.
No problem.
Say, who's the party for?
My husband.
You hired your husband a hooker?
She's a stripper.
No, she's a hooker.
Is that what they call strippers sometimes?
When they're hookers.
Oh, my God, Stu.
I can't believe you did this.
Are you absolutely sure she's a hooker?
It's either that or she's just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
Oh, God.
Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys.
She's a hooker!
She's a... Hi.
We spoke on the phone.
Hey, babe.
Hey, honey.
So we just got a wedding gift from Bob and Fei Bing.
They don't like us, do they?
Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks?
Maybe we can take it back.
No, it doesn't say where it came from.
Where would we return it?
How about to the street, say, from the balcony?
Why don't we just find a place for it?
How about in that cabinet?
No, that's where we keep the canned goods.
Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?
How about the closet by the bathroom?
Oh, okay.
Here, why don't you let me do it?
No, no, no, no, no.
I will do it.
Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once in a while.
It's locked.
You have to help me.
Why is it locked?
No reason.
It's... I...
Keep private things in there.
Well, you know, I've been living here for a while, and I have never seen what's inside that closet.
What is in there?
Feminine stuff.
Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff.
Taylor, there is nothing in there that concerns you.
If you love me, you'll just let it go.
Fine.
Thank you.
I love you.
I wasn't trying to open your closet!
I wasn't trying to open your closet, I swear!
Wow.
Monica runs a pretty tight ship around here, doesn't she?
What are you doing?
Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it.
Why not?
I don't know!
What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?
I bet it's Richard.
Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Well, off the top of my head, maybe she's having her cake and eating it, too.
You being the cake, Richard being the tube.
Or... And here we go.
I saw this movie once where there was a door and nobody knew what was behind it.
And when they finally got it open, millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh.
You know, it wouldn't kill you to respect your wife's privacy.
Not too shabby.
I got this all off myself.
Using my wife's tools.
Oh, my God.
How did you get in there?
You're messy.
No, you weren't supposed to see this.
I married Fred Sanford.
No, Chandler, you don't understand.
Okay, okay, okay, fine.
Now you know, okay?
I'm, you know...
I'm sick.
No, great.
You're not sick.
Look, I don't love you because you're organized.
I love you in spite of that.
Really?
You promise you won't tell anyone?
Yes.
And look, now that I know, if I've got some extra stuff lying around, can we share the closet?
Oh.
Well, it's just um.
I'm afraid you might mess it up.
I played this game all day and now i rule at it.
They should change the name of it to miss chandler, although i hope they don't wait a minute.
You stayed home all day and played miss pac-man while i went off to work like some kind of chump and i got all the top 10 scores.
I erased phoebe off the board.
High five.
What is the matter with your hand?
Well, I've been playing it for like eight hours.
It'll loosen up.
Come on, check out the scores.
Oh, and also look at the initials.
They're dirty words.
Chandler, why would you do that?
Because it's awesome.
You think this is clever?
Well, you know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S, it is a bit of a challenge.
Wait a minute, this one's not dirty.
Well, it is when you put it together with that one.
Oh.
Well, if you don't clear this off, you won't be getting one of those from me.
Ben's coming over here tomorrow to play this game.
This can't be there.
Come on.
He won't even know what they mean.
Chandler, he's seven.
He's not stupid.
Have you talked to him lately?
Can I ask you something?
Sure, why?
Okay, um, this is gonna be fun.
Watch me freak out, Chandler.
Honey?
Yeah?
Listen, uh, I've been doing some thinking, and...
I don't know whether it's because we're here or Rachel's giving birth but um, I think we should try to have a baby.
Okay.
What's that now?
Okay, I've been thinking about it, too, and I think we're ready.
Are you kidding me?
You think we're ready to have a baby now?
This is fun.
You're ready to have a baby?
My boy's all grown up!
You said you were ready, too.
Yeah, but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird like mine is now.
Guess what?
Haven't you wanted a kid, like, forever?
Okay, just back off, mister.
I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong.
The water's tepid, the salt didn't dissolve, and it's now lodged places.
And the scents I use don't complement each other.
Eucalyptus and chamomile?
Oh.
What?
The bath salts.
They're starting to effervesce.
It's different.
It's interesting.
Okay, let's talk about something else.
Yeah, sure, sure.
So what was going on with you today?
Sit.
Rachel, I want you to know that if it's positive, we're gonna... Oh, I know, I know.
You do.
It's time.
No!
Go ahead, Rachel.
Oh, wait.
You know what?
I can't.
I can't look at it.
I can't look at it.
Somebody else tell me.
Somebody tell me.
Okay.
Okay.
It's negative.
What?
It's negative.
Well, there you go.
Phew.
That is, that's great.
That is really great, great news.
You know, cause the whole not being ready and kind of financial aspects, all that stuff, how this is so just the way that this was supposed to be.
Well, then great.
It's gone.
It's so stupid.
How can I be upset over something I never had?
It's negative.
Now it's positive.
It's not negative, it's positive.
Are you sure?
Well, yeah, I lied before.
Oh, my God.
Now you know how you really feel about it.
Oh, that's a risky little game.
Are you really gonna do this?
Yeah.
I'm gonna have a baby.
I'm going to have a baby.
I'm going to have a baby!
With whom?
Oh, it's still not the time.
Hi.
Hi.
Chandler, Monica, this is Don.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Nice to meet you.
How are you?
Call me.
So, what have you guys been doing?
Well, we just had a terrible lunch at Adriatica.
What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?
I know!
What is this, 1985?
That's exactly what I said.
Phoebe, isn't that strange?
Not really.
What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes?
On a barbecue chicken pizza?
No?
So, Dom, what other restaurants do you like?
Well, Octavio, 27 and 7.
Oh, there's this great little place, Alessandro's.
Oh, my god.
That's my restaurant.
I'm the chef there.
You're kidding me.
Your food is fantastic.
Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu.
I'm just going to get some coffees first.
Anyone want anything?
I'd like a latte.
You know what?
If you're going to talk about me, I'm going to go with you.
Nothing.
I swear to God, I didn't know you guys would be here.
And the good news is, you don't even believe in soulmates, so I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife.
They're just talking.
And you know what?
Just because I think they're soulmates doesn't mean anything's gonna happen.
Evie.
Good work.
Yeah?
I'm just afraid I love him.
Don't worry.
We'll find you someone else.
Ten blocks down.
I have to go.
Oh, wait.
Stop, stop, stop.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you need a break?
My boots in tan.
Hey, can you get a little closer so I can see the price?
I can see it from right here.
It'll cost you one husband.
OK, I'm sorry.
I think I can walk the rest of the way now.
Just give me my boots.
I don't have your boots.
Well, I don't have them either.
Where are they?
Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay?
Okay.
We've got to go back and get them.
Honey, are you seriously ever going to wear the boots again?
Okay, I'm never going to wear them again.
I just didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
You know what?
You can say goodbye to the tantalons.
Bye, Boots.
Wait!
Half off?
I decided to have a Halloween party.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and everybody has to wear costumes.
Oh, I didn't have to.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Well, I'll be there.
I mean, I have to wear a costume to all my classes that day anyway, so Please tell me you're not going to dress up like a dinosaur.
Not two years in a row.
I'll come to the party, but I'm not dressing up.
You have to.
No way.
Look, Halloween is so stupid.
Dressing up and pretending to be someone you're not.
You're an actor.
So, Ross, are you going to bring Mona?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I will.
The hot girl from their wedding?
Yeah.
Well hey, if she needs any ideas for costumes, she could be a bikini model or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader or a leather face from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
No, no, no. slutty leatherface.
Now, wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding, too?
That's right.
He was hitting on her.
And I got her.
I guess the better man won.
Please don't take her from me.
I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.
What?
Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.
Phoebe!
Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals.
No, they're not.
They're ugly and stupid and delicious.
All right, it's not just Phoebe.
Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry.
She is?
Yeah, did you remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Yeah, but I thought that was just because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people, okay?
It's just, it's a lot of work.
But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving.
I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like, like, Fourth of July with no apple pie.
Or Friday with no two pizzas.
All right, fine if it means that much to you, but there's gonna be a ton left over.
No, no, they won't.
I promise, I will finish that turkey.
You're telling me you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
That's right.
Because I'm a Tribbiani.
And this is what we do.
I mean, we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don't read a lot or run very fast, but damn it, we can eat.
Are you under the sheet?
Yes.
Great, let's begin.
How's the pressure?
Oh.
It's nice.
Well, Phoebe, you are good.
Stating the obvious, but thank you.
And it's not weird, is it?
No.
Oh.
That's right.
You just enjoy.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, God, Phoebe!
Oh, that's it!
That's it, right there.
Oh!
Hi.
Hey.
Hey.
So, what's the final head count on my baby shower?
About 20.
A couple people from work who had something else to do.
Also, both of your sisters called, and neither can make it.
What?
You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and no booze?
That's shocking.
Well, I don't care, as long as my mom's here.
Oh, my God, your mother.
What, my mom's not gonna be here?
Well, given that we forgot to invite her, it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
My God.
Well, it wasn't my fault.
Phoebe was in charge of the invitations.
Well, I don't have a mother, so often I forget that other people... Oh, give it a rest.
So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?
No.
Neither is mine.
You know what?
Don't worry, okay?
We'll take care of it.
We'll call her.
You just go home and get ready.
Please, make sure she comes.
It's really important to me.
I mean, that's my mom.
I know, I know.
What's her number?
I don't know.
Go.
I have my book.
Go.
Wait a minute.
If you're in charge of the invitations, why am I the one who has to call her?
Hello, Mrs. Green.
Hi, it's Monica Geller.
Oh, hello, Monica.
I know this is last minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
I know.
My daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
For what, dear?
For not inviting me or for lying about it.
Oh, my God.
My ass is sweating.
Please, please.
Can you come?
It's today at four.
Well, all right.
I'll see you at four.
Thank you.
Isn't it at three?
Son of a bitch!
I swear this one is medium well!
Now go, go, go!
Hey, Phoebe!
Hey!
Hey, have a dinner!
Dinner was good!
Just ain't hard!
Now I'm gonna go!
Well, hello there.
I didn't see this on the menu.
Tim, this is Phoebe.
Phoebe, this is Tim, my new sous chef.
Oh, so you're Monica's boss?
Actually, she's my boss.
Sous is French for under.
Ah, sous stand.
Hey, Tim, I need a calamari and a Caesar salad, and could you get me the pesto?
Yeah.
You made pesto?
Yes, I did.
Would you say your pesto is the best-o?
I don't know, but I would say it's pretty good-o.
LAUGHTER
I still need the calamari and the Caesar salad.
I like your necklace.
Oh, I made it myself.
You are so talented.
Well, it's no pesto.
All right, all right, let's just cut to the chase, okay?
You're single, you're single.
He gets off for you at 11.
She'll be waiting for your call.
I'll give him your number if I could just get one calamari and one Caesar salad!
I did not yell.
I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Okay.
I mean, I really shouldn't say.
I mean, I'm really not supposed to.
Fine.
It's a humdinger.
Well, then it's really too bad that you can't tell me.
Somebody likes you.
Is it Chandler?
No.
Well, then tell him to stop staring.
It's Joey.
Really, Joey?
You don't say.
Is it something you'd be interested in?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
You know, I mean, on the one hand, mother, may I?
But, you know, on the other hand... No.
No, I can't.
We're friends.
No.
Oh, no, I don't want to risk what we have.
I guess that's...
Makes sense.
So you think you're going to talk to him?
Sure, yeah.
I mean, it's Joey.
I don't want him to get hurt.
Well, I must say, I am on fire.
First Chandler, now Joey.
Not Chandler, just Joey.
She hasn't even thanked you for it.
You know what?
You're right.
Yeah, I mean, if you want to say anything to her, I'd tell her off.
Really?
Uh-huh.
OK.
I will.
Mrs. Green.
Mrs. Green.
It is rude to leave a party without saying goodbye to the host.
Yeah, and also, when someone apologizes to you, the decent thing to do is to accept it.
Because what I did to you, it wasn't on purpose.
But what you're doing to me now is just plain spiteful.
Spiteful?
That's right.
Maybe it's time you took a good hard look in the mirror, young lady.
Old lady.
Lady.
Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up.
So whenever you're ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you.
Good day.
I can't feel my legs.
But you were fantastic.
I'm so proud of you.
They're proud of me, too.
You should be.
Could you give me something to drink?
You got it.
Okay.
Mrs. Green, okay, I'm really sorry.
I apologize if you just... Okay, I bit my tongue.
But I'm still really sorry.
Hey.
Oh, my God.
Look at all the newspapers.
It must be a good review.
Is it great?
Oh, dear God.
But the good news is no one in a two-block radius will ever know.
What about the rest of Manhattan?
Yeah, they all know.
This is horrible.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so humiliated.
Yeah, but you know what they say, Ma?
There is no such thing as bad press.
You don't think that, um, the chef's mahi-mahi was awful-awful?
His bad press?
I didn't write it.
Is he right?
Am I really?
Am I awful?
Hey, hey, Monica, you listen to me, okay?
And I'm not just saying this because I'm your friend.
I'm saying it because it's the truth.
Your food is abysmal.
Yes!
Ah!
Oh, would you look at that, Monica?
I just knocked off all your top scores.
How sad.
Okay, I'm next.
No, don't start another game.
I said I was next.
Phoebe!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I couldn't hear you over all the winning.
Chandler, Phoebe's hogging the game.
Who cares?
It's a stupid game.
Oh, you only think it's stupid because you suck at it.
I don't suck.
It sucks.
You suck.
Wait.
Okay, if this game is going to cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.
No, no, no.
No, I love it.
It is a great present.
But, in fact, why don't you go home and wait for the thank you card?
Why do you want to play this game so badly?
Yeah, it's not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game.
Okay, maybe that's it.
Come on, get out of the chair.
Come on, come on, out of the chair.
Oh, come on.
Oh, my star student.
You know you called me that before.
So I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil.
Now, no pressure.
You like my cookies, you give me the star.
Mm.
Mm-mm-mm.
Wow, a star.
I know you all hate me, and I'm sorry, but I don't care.
Okay, Joey, you're up next.
Oh, my God.
This is amazing.
You get an A. I get an A?
An A in school?
Hey, I'm a dork.
Joey, I'm so proud of you.
I think you should give him your star.
Excuse me?
He doesn't even know what he's doing.
We're all beginners here.
Nobody knows what they're doing.
I do.
I'm a professional chef.
Oh, relax.
It's not a courtroom drama.
If you're a professional chef, what are you doing taking introduction to cooking?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
It's just that.
Um Well, I cook at this restaurant Alessandro's, and I just got a really bad review.
Oh, Alessandro's.
I love that place.
You do?
Oh, yes.
You're an excellent chef.
As a person, you're a little... Oh, I'm totally crazy, but you like the food?
Very much.
Okay, then.
I don't stink.
I'm a good chef.
Okay.
I don't want to go.
I'm having fun.
Well, actually, did either of you pay for this class?
Hey, hey, hey, if my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go.
Phoebe!
Monica!
I'm breaking up with you!
What?
I'm breaking up with you.
You're fired.
Why?
Why?
I'm sorry.
I'm just not ready for a relationship right now.
Yeah, and I'm sorry too, but Well, I just I like things done a certain way and the chemistry's just not right.
Ooh, that's good.
The chemistry thing for us, too.
Wow.
Um, okay.
Um... I realize I came on a little strong, but it's only because I think you're so amazing.
And uh, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here, because you're the most talented chef I've ever worked for.
Anyway.
Tim, wait.
Yeah?
I think I spoke too quickly.
There's a learning curve with this job, and maybe we could try it again.
Thank you so much, because I know I can be better.
OK.
And Tim, I just want to say good luck here.
Thanksgiving tomorrow, 4 o'clock.
Oh, and guess who I invited?
Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
No.
He was in Ross's class, marching band, and was kind of overweight.
Well, really overweight.
I mean, I was his then friend.
Wow, I don't remember him.
Honey, are you sure you're not talking about your imaginary boyfriend?
No, that was Jared.
Wow.
I haven't thought about him in a long time.
Anyway, Will's here on business, and he didn't have a place to go, so I invited him here.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah.
Oh, and by the way, he's lost a bunch of weight.
I mean, he looks good, okay?
I mean, really, really gorgeous.
I still love Chandler.
Wouldn't hurt you to say it once in a while.
And it's always really moving and always makes them cry.
Well, this year, I'm going to make them cry.
And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
No, really.
Anytime Ross makes a toast, everyone cries and hugs him and pats him on the back.
And they all come up to me and say, God, you are a brother.
You know what they're going to say this year?
God.
God.
Well, I can promise you at least one person will be crying.
You know?
I'm an actor, and any actor worth his salt can cry on cue.
Really?
You can do that?
Oh, are you kidding me?
Watch.
Well, I can't do it with you guys watching me.
He is.
Oh, my God.
She's amazing.
Oh, I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex.
It's incredible.
I mean, one minute she's inside you, and then 47 hours later, here she is.
She looks so real.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
OKAY, MY TURN, MY TURN.
BABY.
OH, BABY.
OH, YOU'RE SO CUTE.
OH, I COULD SQUEEZE YOUR LITTLE HEAD.
I WON'T.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NOTHING.
I'M SORRY.
I JUST CAN'T STOP CRYING.
The doctor said it's completely normal with all the hormones, plus you're sleep-deprived.
So?
You guys are all sleep-deprived?
I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet.
Oh, God.
What's the matter now?
I was reliving it.
So, do you know what you're gonna call her yet?
Oh, wait a minute.
It's not gonna be baby girl?
I thought that was so original.
Uh, actually, we've narrowed it down to two names.
Yeah, and you know what?
I love them both.
So why don't you just pick one, and that'll be it.
Well, um, OK, uh, everyone, this is Isabella.
Oh, I love Isabella.
What?
That's not her name.
I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella.
What was the other one, Rose?
Um, Delilah.
Oh, great.
Suddenly she sounds like a biblical whore.
So, I guess we're back to, uh, baby girl.
Yay!
What are we gonna do?
It's okay, honey.
You'll find a name.
Oh, easy for you to say.
You already know what your kids' names are gonna be.
You do?
Yeah.
I've been picked out since I was 14.
Oh, no.
It's gonna be named after some snack or baked good, isn't it?
Well, tell us.
What are they?
Um, okay.
If it's a boy, it's Daniel.
And if it's a girl?
I don't want to say.
Oh, don't tell us.
We're not going to want it.
Okay.
It's Emma.
Emma.
See, I don't want it.
Take it.
What?
She's clearly an Emma.
Oh, honey, but you love that name.
Yeah, but I love you more.
Besides, you know, nothing goes with Bing, so I'm screwed.
Yeah, I'm home.
From the tequila factory?
It was awful.
To get out of going to dinner with Doug, I told him that you and I split up.
So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars.
And then when I wouldn't give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird.
Come here.
I can breathe through my mouth.
You know what the worst part was?
I got to see what my life would be like without you.
You know, it was like It's a Wonderful Life with lap dances.
Please promise me that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
I promise.
Hey, speaking of together, how about we send out a holiday card this year?
Ooh, I don't know if we're there yet.
