Why would you not be jealous?
Some people have it really good, genuinely some people.
What they display online, everything you've heard about them is true.
They've grown into a great family stable household money health beauty, so many opportunities in life that most people may not get.
That you're not gonna get, I'm not gonna get.
There are millions of reasons to be jealous of people and to envy them.
And it's a natural response.
It would not be natural not to feel jealous.
To look at someone and think, wow, you were really born into all of that.
Everything that I'm working for, that my family's working for.
If we're very lucky and hardworking, we might get a tiny fraction of what that person over there got simply from being born.
And all the beautiful faces that you see online in particular, and in the world, There are tons of people that are way better looking than you are and than I are and that are way healthier than what some people can dream to be.
So I don't like this narrative that you should try to convince yourself that oh, but everyone has their problems and no one's life is perfect.
And don't look at people and feel envy.
I mean sure some people paint a picture and we barely know most of what's going on in other people's lives.
And I'm not saying anyone's life is perfect, even if some lives seem that way on the surface.
But I think it's way more effective to simply accept the fact that yeah, the truth, the raw truth, is that a lot of people, by sheer luck well, at least a lot of luck.
I don't want to discredit people's hard work, but where you're born, the family you're born into, Those are things that are 100 out of your control.
The health you're born into.
And it is unfair.
The world is very unfair.
I just think it does not help to try to convince yourself that there is no reason to be jealous.
Your life is perfect the way it is and you have things that they don't have.
And I like to just look at things for the way that they are and that is the best, healthiest way that I personally can process things and accept things.
And I like to practice this thing where I don't understand something, but I can still find a way to accept it without having to try and convince myself of various things just to make myself feel better.
Cause it does not make me feel better.
You know, when I was younger, and I Remember this one girl in particular stunning striking, like the person you see, who you just want to look at, like you're trying not to be rude but you just want to stare at her because she is a work of art.
And I remember seeing her face and just trying to find a flaw. just to make myself feel better.
Cause it was so unfair to me that someone that good looking could just be born into it without having to do anything, share luck and then go on and live her life and walk this earth looking like that.
There had to be a flaw.
I would analyze her face.
This sounds insane.
I'm not comfortable admitting it, but I will admit it.
I think it's important.
I will look at her face, photos, trying to just find a flaw to make myself feel better.
Like I felt like she was not allowed to look that way.
Like there was no way.
I would analyze.
You know her features and her posture.
Her I don't know lips, her smile, trying to think oh, maybe she has an ugly smile.
Nope.
Very pretty smile.
Oh, maybe she has an ugly laugh.
Nope, very pretty laugh.
Maybe she walks weird no, very straight very, very proudly.
Oh, but her clothing I don't know.
Her sense of fashion is totally not, I don't know.
She's not fashionable, I guess.
Well, actually she was not very fashionable, but it didn't matter.
She was the outfit.
She could wear anything, anything at all, and still look absolutely stunning.
So it did not help.
Trying to find flaws to make myself feel better did not help.
In the same way if I would see someone who, let's say, was born into wealth and every single opportunity that there is right at the tip of their fingers.
I would think oh, but I'm sure if you're that rich, you must have a lot of problems within your family, because money creates a lot of problems.
Or I would think, I'm sure their dad, because he's so rich, has had a bunch of affairs.
Or I'm sure they're not happy because I don't know.
I would just try to find reasons again to make myself or to ease the pain of simply acknowledging and accepting the fact that life is very much unfair.
And some people just simply have it very, very good in many areas of their lives.
And since I've come to that realization, I have found tremendous peace in simply acknowledging that it just is that way.
It has always been that way.
It is always going to be that way.
That has been step one.
Whether I find a little flaw, or like a gotcha moment, like oh, I thought you looked perfect, but hey, I can see that your nails are kind of weird.
Okay whew, so you're not perfect.
It doesn't really make me feel better anyway.
Even if I did find like a minor so-called flaw that would somehow take away from their perceived perfection, at the end of the day it didn't really make me feel better at all.
It didn't really matter.
Think that's the thing.
It did not matter.
So what if i find a flaw or a loophole, or this crazy gossip about this family that turns out to be true?
Wow okay, so their family's not perfect.
Oh, so this person's husband is not perfect and their health is not perfect, and it's a bit of a facade.
I think a lot of people get some satisfaction from that, because we don't want to believe that people have it too good.
We don't want to believe that we have it worse.
We hate injustice.
It's not a good feeling to look at someone who has never seemingly, had to go through pain or hardship to have it all.
Because we're like, why don't I have that?
Why did not I have that?
You know, what did they do in their past life that made them have everything in this life?
Or whatever, if you believe in that kind of stuff.
The reason I'm even talking about this topic is because I don't want to talk about social media.
I think it's a very boring subject at this point.
Like, we get it.
We've heard it all.
But I see and read so much of people just being very jealous and spiteful, with lots of drama being exposed amongst creators and celebrities, and just the satisfaction that I see thousands of people get from other people's downfall, like when their bubble has been burst.
I just look at that and I wonder, How does that affect your life?
How does that make you better, happier, prettier, healthier, more fulfilled?
So let's say there was this couple that you were jealous of.
They seem to have it all.
And then a scandal comes out and it turns out things were not all that great and it was a facade.
What's in it for you?
Why do so many people get so much satisfaction out of that?
Does that make your relationship better?
Does it make your life better in any way?
What does it do to you really?
Whether or not someone has it better, much better, they're much luckier.
What does it have to do with you?
Does it change anything?
Really?
And now you might say well, it makes me put some or take some pressure off myself, because these unrealistic ideas that people are portraying makes me feel like I'm just never good enough.
My relationship is not good enough.
I'm never making enough money.
I'm never pretty enough.
And I think that's fair.
I think that's fair.
I think that's the reason why, let's say, we see someone who seems to have perfect skin and then they are caught in a candid photo and it turns out they actually really do not have perfect skin at all.
We're like, oh, OK, so I can take some pressure off now because I thought that was attainable.
But now it turns out it's not even real.
I can take some pressure off and that makes me feel good.
I get that.
But do you need other people to validate those things for you?
Can you just use common sense?
Can you just do a little research on your own?
Can you just trust what you know to be true?
Why do we need other people oftentimes people we don't even know, people online to sort of teach us or prove to us or tell us that it's okay to be flawed, that it's okay to not have everything figured out, that it's okay to be this way or that way, for you to feel like you can chill out and relax and feel better about yourself?
You shouldn't need that external validation.
You don't even know these people.
Who cares if you thought that they had perfect skin and turns out they do not?
Who cares if you thought that they had this perfect relationship, turns out they do not.
Why do you need that validation?
Why do you even put these people on the pedestal and draw so much joy from when they are exposed somehow?
Or is this making sense?
Because it's making perfect sense in my mind and i'm hoping it's making sense to you.
Who's listening.
I just think that as a society, we are giving too much power to strangers and random people.
I think we are really bad at looking inwards.
I think we are really bad at trusting our own perception of things, our own realities, our own gut feeling, just common sense.
I don't have to see a photo of this person's flawed skin to know that it's not normal or common or even realistic to have perfectly flawless skin.
I don't need people to be exposed in order for me to understand that.
I can just use my common sense and my life experience and what I was taught in school and, with a quick little search for what does normal skin look like and pull up a study.
I don't need someone on TikTok to let me know that.
Or someone's relationship.
I don't need some scandal to be exposed for me to feel like oh okay, so Relationships are not perfect.
I already know they're not.
This random person does not.
I don't need to wait for this random couple to teach me that.
I need to be my own person.
We need to be our own persons more.
I feel like in 2025, with our own personalities, our own independent thoughts, we need to be critical.
We need to do our own research and read books and studies and listen to people who have credit within certain fields.
You can easily pull up these statistics on divorce, for example, to know that I think it's over 50 of marriages end in divorce.
What does that tell you?
These relationships that you see are not perfect.
And that is not a bad thing.
That's not what I'm saying.
It's simply realistic.
It simply is.
It's not good or bad.
It just simply is.
But you don't need external factors to validate you for you to feel okay in life, for you to feel okay about your relationships, the money that you're making, your career path, your looks.
You can figure those things out on your own by looking inwards and by just being smart and using common sense, by being your own person, by not being a follower, By being critical, by not blindly believing everything that you see and everything that you hear.
By not jumping on the bandwagon when you see other people believing something or doing something or thinking something.
So, of course you're jealous.
We're all jealous of something.
And I don't think that's a bad thing.
I don't think that is something we should try to escape.
I don't think that's something we should use as a way to try to find joy from other people's flaws and downfalls.
It's not about them.
It's about you.
Okay.
So what can you do if you find yourself being envious? of someone, of something.
The first thing I do is I simply accept it.
When I see that beautiful girl, I don't try to analyze her, trying to find something wrong.
I'm just like, you know what?
This girl.
Damn.
She is gorgeous.
She is A 10 in every way, in my opinion, probably in the opinion of other people.
Good for her.
I don't really give it that much more thought.
That's it.
Her being beautiful or not being beautiful has nothing to do with me, does not impact my life in any way at all.
Unless we're both applying for, like a modeling job or something like.
I guess in that way it could impact your life.
But usually we don't have those feelings towards people who somehow directly impact our lives.
Usually we just see some random person who lives across the world from us on TikTok and we're like wow, now I feel like shit, even though that has nothing to do with you or your life.
So simply acknowledging that yeah, they're gorgeous, or lucky them because when they were two, their parents put them in tennis lessons and now they are really good and they seem so fulfilled and they have a great body, and I don't
That sucks.
I wish I had that.
Again, it does not affect you, but it's natural and okay to acknowledge that.
Like, hey, I wish I had that.
Cool.
But don't put so much value or mind energy, I guess, in lack of a better word, into it.
You can acknowledge something without going too much into it and caring too much about it and trying to ruin them or leave a hateful comment or gossip about them or find a flaw.
Stop.
We don't do that.
If you do that, you know what you should be jealous of?
Decency.
Because you're not decent.
I'm not saying that's you.
I'm just saying, if that's what you're tempted to do when you see someone doing better than you because there are people doing better than you and me it's a fact.
If you're tempted to go down the dark route when you see that you have a lot you should be jealous of before being jealous of superficial stuff like someone's looks or career or whatever.
So work on that first.
And then I try to think, okay, what is this communicating to me?
Let's say I am indeed jealous of this girl who is really good at tennis.
She started playing when she was two.
What is that communicating to me?
Hmm.
Okay, maybe it communicates that.
Wow, I really wish I had a sport in my life that I was passionate about.
I don't have that.
Hmm.
Okay, now I have this information.
Maybe that's the thing that I'm jealous of, that's triggering me somehow.
Okay, what can I do about that?
Well, I can try to figure out what sport would I be interested in?
Let's say it's tennis, just for the sake of this conversation.
It's tennis.
I really wish I was a tennis player.
Okay, good.
Now we have some data points.
So what can you do with that?
You guessed it.
You can take a tennis class.
You can buy the equipment and play outside with a friend.
There are tons of places, at least in Sweden I don't know where you are where you can play for free.
Actually, I don't know if you can play for free.
Probably not, but it's not that expensive.
It's pretty accessible.
Just as an example, start playing.
What's stopping you really?
What excuses are you making?
What are you doing other than scrolling on your phone and wishing you had everything other people have?
What are you doing about it?
Are you just a wisher, dreamer, complainer?
Or are you a doer, someone who makes things happen, someone who loves themselves, someone who at least tries at least once, someone who does something about these feelings that they're feeling?
Are you doing that?
Because these people are doing that.
The girl who started playing tennis at two, she's been consistent.
And now she's really good at it.
And she's got a great body.
It didn't just come to her.
Sure, her parents helped her out, put her in tennis.
Maybe they had a, you know, economical background that you don't have.
Again, I know there are tons of factors that are fully unfair and that may frustrate us a ton.
People have opportunities that you do not have or that you have not had.
It's just a fact.
No sugarcoating, no way to get around it, no beating around the bush.
It just is what it is.
But what are you doing about that now?
Are you putting in any effort?
You know, we look at people who have a great body.
I know a lot of these examples are quite superficial, but I'm seeing a lot of these trends online.
So that's what's frying my brain.
And I think it's important because Our image, our looks, our hobbies, our lives.
These things really influence us and our well-being, our mental health.
So let's say you see this person who has a great body.
And yes, the people who hate taking responsibility love to simply say they are lucky.
It's just genetics.
And then they stop there.
They don't even try.
They make no effort.
They get no gym membership.
They don't go out running, even though it's free.
They don't make up the time, the space.
They don't prioritize it.
They take zero steps towards also becoming that very thing that they so deeply desire.
They will make the excuses.
Stop there and move on to the next thing to be annoyed about.
Now, am I saying that luck, genetics, all of that don't play a role?
Of course they do.
Of course they do.
But you are looking at this little data point.
And making that the entire reason for why you should not try.
In Swedish we say, du sätter krokben för dig själv.
Which basically means, I don't know, what is krokben in English?
You know when you put, when someone puts their leg in front of your leg and so you fall?
I'm sure there's an English word for it.
Basically, you're doing that to yourself.
I can also look at someone and think wow, no matter how hard I work at the gym, I'm not going to be shaped like her.
Yeah, that's a fact.
So should I just not go at all then?
Should I just not work on myself at all then?
I'll just sit here then, right?
Cause that's her genetics.
She builds muscle quickly.
She's naturally this way and that way.
Okay, fine.
So I guess I'll do nothing then.
Is that the type of person you want to be?
Is that the life you want to build first?
How far is that going to get you?
Really?
Cause we could use that excuse for everything.
And remember, excuse does not mean it's not true.
Something can be true and still be an excuse.
So how far are you going to take that?
How much kroppen are you going to set for yourself?
You know, what I really have grown into accepting is that I can only ever be the best version of myself.
But that version is way, way better than I have ever given myself credit for.
And that version has nothing to do with anyone else.
I'm never gonna look like anyone else.
I'm never gonna have the background, the upbringing, the opportunities, the wealth, the health, the access to various things and places and people that some other people have.
But I have what I have.
And that is fully my responsibility.
And it's fully up to me to make the most out of it.
So yeah, of course you're jealous, but let that be data points and then apply that to you.
Whether another person rises or falls and whether you find enjoyment in that.
That's really a waste of time and energy and you should spend that on you.
You should be your project.
Don't look at someone else's project.
Focus on your project.
I'm not saying the podcast is back.
I just felt passionately that I wanted to have this conversation.
And I hope you enjoyed it.
And I'll talk to you soon.
