If you're a woman who falls in love, you're a woman who is dating, and unfortunately, this is actually going to apply to mostly heterosexual women, because that's where a lot of us really be going through it.
So, my queer girlies apologies, but i think anybody can pick from what i'm about to say today.
I tell you, as a woman who has seen the lives of many a great women be pillaged, decimated and desecrated by an attachment to romantic love, i think that this video is long overdue.
Grab your pen and your paper or open your ears.
Class begins.
Number one, there is no reward or award for suffering, only exploitation.
The wild profits of women who are insecure. seeking approval and exhausted.
You will not gain anything now by overdoing, overexerting, trying to prove your worth.
There is no heaven for you.
There is no place where you will go and be paid for your smallness, for your compliance, for your exhaustion, for losing yourself.
Nothing.
Zilch, you gain absolute .
If you do not control the resources, you will never have power.
You will only have opinions.
Now listen.
I know we live in a time where there are scandals on the internet pushing you towards topics like how to find a provider man, how to get princess treatment.
Let me tell you something.
If you want power, become a powerful woman.
If you want money, become a woman who has money.
Anything you want, become it.
Being provided for is not the same thing as being valued or respected.
Instead of looking for providers, look for your equal.
Look for partners in crime.
Look for people you build empires with.
Whatever an empire is to you listen, not every woman has to dream of, you know, being a company CEO.
Not every woman has to do that.
But all I'm saying is find your equal.
When I say equals, I'm not talking just materialistic.
No.
I'm talking equals mentally, heart-wise, value-wise.
Be with somebody who sees the world the way you do.
Not in everything, but at the core, your core values should be shared.
Please go get yours.
Stop allowing airheads.
Yes, I said it airheads to sit on this internet, on Maya Angelou's internet.
If she was here, she'd be running this thing to sit here and lead you to hell.
Powerful people get into relationships with powerful people.
Go and check the patterns.
We can't be saying that we're sick of the patriarchy while feeding it.
Yo, in the same sentence you're saying the center man, you turn left and you're like how to get process treatment?
Are you crazy?
In the same sentence, you turn right.
How to find the provider man?
It's getting deranged.
Please, my babies.
Because a lot of us, whether we like it or not, it's performative.
You don't need to be having, oh my God, I'm the center man, I'm the center man.
It's noise.
Stop it.
Just start living your life with you at the center and you won't need all this chippy chippy, chippy.
We are refusing intrudes.
Kill that Disney romantic helplessness.
You know that thing you learned from Disney?
Where all of your problems will arrive, solved by this knight in shining armor.
Kill it.
Kill it.
Nobody's coming to save you.
You are going to have all of this extreme want and hopelessness and need transferred onto another person's body.
So when they arrive into your life, they will never, ever be enough, because you have all these things that you've built up in your head that are not realistic and, quite frankly, unfair.
Get your house in order so that when you meet somebody and you require something from them, it will be an extension of your reality.
You're not telling them to create a new world for you.
You are asking them to match what your world already holds.
Please, please, my darlings, please.
Like my heart really breaks when I see young women talking like somebody cooked their brains because someone actually did.
Stop allowing people to chip away at your medulla.
The only way to get the life of your dreams is information if you've ever watched my videos and you're like you know what yes i get it but i need something more hands-on i struggle with self-love i struggle with my confidence to help me with self-respect just to help me come into myself to help me unpack things that might have happened to me i've made workbooks to help you with this at your own pace you don't have to rush them you take your time you can find them at the neurocosmic.com all Alright, back to the video.
The only way to get the life of your dreams is by becoming somebody who can live it.
And that takes me to my next point.
Your attention is an investment.
Baby, invest wisely.
Or better still, I'll tell you where to invest it.
In yourself.
Because when you flourish, everything around you flourishes.
When you're doing well, when you're okay, when you're balanced, everything you touch receives.
That balance over giving doesn't create security, okay.
So doing more, fixing more, you know, forgiving more, showing up more does not make a person value you more.
It just makes them believe and see that you can accept less.
Oh, i don't even need to do much oh, i don't even need to show up.
They will just keep trying to prove themselves.
Okay, this is what they accept.
When people do less, disengage.
And you're not disengaging as a way to play games.
No, no, not at all.
You're disengaging because you respect yourself.
And a lot of people will be like yeah, but like if I disengage, and then now they know that this is who I am, and then they play it up do I go back?
In my life, I don't.
If you have to test me to see if you can play with me, you're not my type.
You're not my type.
Sorry, wasting 5 10 15 20, 25 years of your life is worse than whatever judgment you fear that the people around you or your community will place on you if you left now, unless your life is truly in danger.
Let me tell you something wasting even another day of your life is worse.
Think about it this way
You get on a train, you miss your first stop.
You can either get out on the next stop or you stay there and you're like, oh my God, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
And you miss several more stops.
Remember, the longer you stay on the train, the more expensive it gets, the more time you lose.
So even though I've missed my first stop, fine.
I just get off the next stop, which makes it easier to get back to the first stop.
Leaving will hurt you.
Staying will cost you.
Pick your poison.
Romance, and I was having this conversation with my sister yesterday.
Romantic love should be assessed like a business partnership.
Sue me now let me paint you a picture.
If i walked up to you maybe not me, because you know me on the internet, so you might say yes immediately.
But no, let's say, a random person walked up to you, or even a friend that you know, and they're like hey baby, come on baby, let's start a business.
Y'all will sit down and plot, you will check all these things, you might even get a contract, you might even get a lawyer.
You might even say can you write me a proposal?
Y'all will do all of these things for business contracts, but for somebody that some of you want to be sleeping and waking up next to.
Some of you even want to have children with these people.
You do due diligence to build a company, to start a business, but not to let it rando into your home.
Girl, you don't see how crazy it is, no?
Is it just me?
Where does this thing see itself in a year, in two years?
What do i benefit?
Am i going to lose my, my principal?
What interest will i have?
How does my interest mature?
Is this a private, a public limited company?
Are we selling shares in this company?
Hmm yes, even if it's not a serious connection, it matters.
You'll be letting anything and anything and anything and anything into your homes, Lighting up.
Does it fit into my life, into my future?
Stick to the plan.
Don't change your plans.
Stick to the plan.
Honestly, as I'm talking about this, I'm seeing it in my head.
So many women who I know have changed their big, serious life goals because they met somebody.
Suddenly all their plans have gone to the side.
Well, I mean, girl.
Stick to the plan.
If you have to literally decimate your own dreams, your own goals, that is not the love of your life.
Love of your life will not require you to lose personhood, to be with them.
No, they're not the love of your life.
Wake up.
High standards expose weak systems.
Being low maintenance doesn't actually help you.
It just makes you low priority.
That's all.
So keep your standards high and watch the systems collapse.
And you might think, yeah, but my standards are too high, that's why I'm losing people.
No, your standards are exposing people you're not compatible with, and that's okay.
If they mock your standards, they can't meet it.
Next, inconsistent effort creates addiction, not love. you're not immune to it either so don't sit there trying to argue well last week he did this and at the first one month he did this they did this for me and now they're doing this how do i get them back to do that once someone is inconsistent with you you should start having hives okay break out in hives and vanish potential is not reality date reality so date who is in front of you and it's quite unfair too to look at a person and then project all these things that they must become on them and then when they are not that thing then you hate on them then you make them feel small because well i thought you become this person date who they are showing you they are if you don't like them you don't like them the people you date they are human beings too they have feelings okay so if you know that they are not who you want don't date them and be hoping that they turn into who you have in your head i feel like i'm being so mean but we need it we need it men rarely leave what benefits them did you know that's why you see a man a relationship of of 70 years and they're like oh yeah they've been together for 70 years and the man has cheated 27 million times in that 70 years because but the woman is slaving you know the number one woman i talked about when i said this video exhausted giving everything and it's like 70 years of marriage he will never leave he hated her by year two but he's getting all these things he would never ever leave that's why you must make sure you are benefiting too which is why i'm saying marry equals marry people that are partners in life so make sure you are benefiting too if you're not benefiting get out of here get out of here man i'm saying And this is for my really empathetic girlies, very kind and sweet ones who like communicating.
If you have to explain basic human empathy multiple times, it's not miscommunication, it's incompatibility.
It is not your duty to teach anybody that is a grown person basic human decency.
It is not your job.
You're not responsible for teaching them emotional maturity.
They can take a class.
Quit now.
Nobody's paying you salary, thank you.
If they move too fast, they are trying to skip compatibility checks.
Stop it.
Have your red light, your green light and your amber light.
You know your traffic light system.
Make sure it's on, no matter how quickly they're moving.
You're like whoops, excuse me, Make sure you keep your pace, because it's a real thing.
If you have to play games to keep their attention, they don't like you.
They like the access they have to you or they like the chase.
Are you a goat?
No, no, this is not the zoo.
This is not the safari.
This is not the Olympics.
This is a human relationship.
If you find immediately that you're in a relationship or in some sort of connection and now suddenly you've turned into, you've become bond 007 baby.
If they have to do hide and seek with you, my dear, leave them in hiding and go outside and seek somebody else.
Love should not require detective work.
If you have to convince them to see your value, they already don't.
Someone who values you does not need convincing.
If you're exhausted, you are over functioning in the relationship.
You should not be exhausted.
Okay, if you want to be exhausted, go and do a phd now.
When you tell me you're exhausted while doing your phd, ah yes, i like that if you.
If you want to be exhausted, go and build a business.
If you're seeking stress, start a new business.
That business you've been talking about starting, start it.
So when you're telling me Pearl, I'm exhausted, I'll be like oh baby, I see you working really hard for your dreams.
But you can't tell me you're exhausted, you're breaking out, you're not eating, you're not sleeping.
Because of who?
Step back.
If you're always the mature one, You're not partnering.
You are parenting.
Drop them and go adopt a pet.
Struggle love is not deeper.
It's actually just harder and it's completely unnecessary.
Love is soft.
It may not always be easy, but I tell you, it's not struggle.
You don't always have to have romantic relationships where there's always these extreme ups and extreme downs.
It's just an addiction to chaos.
Wake up.
Intensity and intimacy are not synonyms.
And healthy connections tend to be very, very, very calm.
They might have moments of intensity, but generally, they're very smooth sailing.
My mom drummed this one into my head as a kid.
Marriage does not upgrade character, it magnifies it.
If you can't accept something they're doing now, don't marry them.
Babies do not save relationships.
They expose all the cracks.
And let me tell you, it is a terrible, terrible and unfair thing to use a life as a crutch.
It's wicked.
Don't do it.
If they joke about disrespecting you, they're just rehearsing disrespecting you.
In fact, they're already disrespecting you.
Run.
What if?
What if?
I say ill success does not protect you from attracting emotionally unavailable men.
In fact, you're probably more more prone to being targeted by a terrible, terrible man when you're you know, you're up here with your mentors and your work and everything, because they will put on, you know, a face and a mask.
So baby, pay attention, Pay attention.
It is not uncommon for women who are high achieving very, very intelligent to fall for terrible terrible, terrible romantic partners.
Because, I don't know sometimes, you know, it's like you focus so much on this area of your life that you most kind of don't have skills here.
So pay attention, baby.
So really put on them glasses, you know, the spectacles.
Put them on and really be looking.
Let them jump through hoops.
Yes.
You know why?
You know why?
Because there's no question that you will ask.
There is nothing that you dig into that will chase the person who wants to be with you away.
So the minute you start digging and checking and trying to pace yourself and they're like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, please let them walk on their way out of the door.
They should be walking and jumping and running and going.
Please put on your spectacles, your glasses, remember?
So keep your eyes open, my girlies.
I'm sure there are things I haven't mentioned, but you know, this is a really long list.
My mouth is paining me, so I'm going to go now.
And I hope I've given you some love.
I know it was a bit hard on you today, I know.
But it's just I'm sick.
I'm sick of seeing us suffer.
I care.
I love romance.
I do.
I know that sometimes because of the things I say you might think I don't.
I really do.
But then I also love myself.
But a gift for you before I leave.
What's that song?
I sang this song in secondary school.
Come back to the words.
I'm trying to remember the melody.
No one can bring me down.
So don't you bring me down.
I don't think that's a song.
