Hi, my darlings.
So i just came in, but then when i was out, i was having lunch, i had this thought in my head and i was like okay, i need to make a video on it.
So i'm making this video now straight, fresh from outside, while i still care.
You know, um a few weeks ago i made a video titled they don't like you, something along those lines.
I can't remember the exact title that i used, and there was a comment under it that said something along the lines of This is kind of low-key victim blaming.
Yada yada, yada.
A person's behavior is about them.
I thought to myself, you know, I think it's important to kind of dig deep into why assuming that people hate you when they treat you bad is the way forward.
Okay, listen.
It is a fact.
The way a person treats another person is a reflection of them.
That is baseline humanity.
OK, simple and short.
However, how you receive how a person treats you is about your standard.
When you focus so much on why someone did something and what that says about them, you are kind of giving away the power in that situation.
I don't care why someone did what they did.
I don't care what it says about them.
All I care about is how is their behavior affecting my life.
Simple.
Okay.
So when I say they don't like you, I'm telling you to take up a habit, to take up a standard where, when a person treats you in a way that you know you would never treat yourself or you would never treat somebody else.
Assume that they feel deep, deep hatred and animosity towards you.
Am i saying that is the case?
No, what i am saying is for the life that you want and for the standard of living, standard of experience you want.
That is hatred.
This is a power thing And a lot of times the energy we spend trying to understand why someone else did what they did is the energy we could have used to take ourselves out of that situation and to find better.
Decide the kind of experiences you want to be having in your life, and anything that does not fit into that experience needs to go.
It really is that simple.
Stop trying to understand why people do what they do.
Yes, maybe they have all this history and all these stories that they can tell if you break it down.
So do I. I have a lot of history and I have a lot of stories, but I tell you the truth.
I'm not saying I'm perfect.
I'm not saying I've never made mistakes, but I do not go around harming other people.
OK, so it's not even about whether the person is a bad person or not.
It's about deciding that where they are at in their lives does not match where you are or where you are headed.
Simple.
Release them graciously to go and do better somewhere else, somewhere that is not near you.
And this is why you have to treat yourself well.
So that when someone mistreats you, you look at yourself and go ah, I know that I treat myself better than this.
Make it a habit to do things for yourself.
I compliment myself every single day.
I pat myself on the bum every single day.
I've never done anything where I don't give myself a kiss, pat myself on the bum, say Pearl, you're so great.
And then I will meet somebody in my life who doesn't say anything to me, who holds back, who doesn't compliment me, who doesn't encourage me.
What are you doing in my space?
Because all you're doing is taking up space and breathing extra oxygen that could be entering my body.
You're wasting my time.
Move away.
So do stuff for yourself, so that when people bring into your life any standards that are lower than you already do for yourself, automatically that is a red flag.
Also, treat confusion as a red flag.
I do not care why they are confused.
So this is okay.
Maybe an amber flag.
So let's say it this way.
Treat confusion like an amber flag.
So that brings up something.
Now your duty is to explore it once.
Did you hear me?
Your duty is to explore that confusion once.
You are asking only once for clarity.
Because at the end of the day, we are human.
We make mistakes.
We get scared.
We are unsure.
We show up in relationships based on our own history, based on what we know, based on how we were raised, based on the societies we come from.
So sometimes...
The confusion you're experiencing is not because the person wants you confused.
It's just that how they relate is not how you relate.
So ask once.
Give people an opportunity just one time to clarify things.
Baby, if you are still confused, let that be your answer.
Let that be your exit.
Honestly.
I'm only saying once because I've learned that this is how you learn how to communicate.
This is how you grow.
Once.
As respectfully as you can muster.
Do not demand anything from people, because at the end of the day, you cannot control another person's behavior.
All you need are boundaries.
So this is my boundary.
If someone behaves this way, behaves that way, what they do is up to them, but this is what I will do.
If clarity isn't provided or if the clarity given is not the clarity you need, my darling, release them.
You quite literally do not have to stop caring to remove yourself from a situation.
You need to tell yourself this I can care and still leave has nothing to do with care.
It has everything to do with power, everything to do with self-worth, everything to do with self-respect.
Oh, they did this for the first five months and then, after the five months, they changed.
Okay, they changed.
That is the they have changed.
To leave them there in their change and move on.
Move on, decide the role you want to play in people's lives.
Me, i have decided that i'm not anybody's teacher.
Okay, now they might meet somebody else after me who is willing to sit down and walk them through how to be a decent human being.
I am not that person.
I am not that person.
No, I'm someone who is quite rigid and stringent in ways that I classify behaviors and things.
I give people between the ages of 0 to 15 extreme grace.
I don't even hold anything against people at that age group.
I tend to just be very, you know, I just let it go.
Between the ages of 16 and 20.
Hmm, the standards are raised, you know, from 20 to 25, higher standards, 25 plus bro bro, what is this conversation we're having?
Also get rid of this idea that if something doesn't work between you and the person, it means that somebody in the situation is terrible.
Yes, sometimes.
Sometimes it's a terrible experience.
They were horrible.
They treated you badly.
They had all these narcissistic, sociopathic, psychopathic tendencies.
I hear you, baby.
But then again, that is emotional labor.
Do you know how difficult it is for somebody to diagnose another person?
For, like a mental health professional, to diagnose somebody with a mental health condition, a disorder like narcissism, it's so it's such a difficult thing to diagnose.
So i'm sorry to say, why do you think you can diagnose people and this is not me saying they're not a narcissist, but i'm saying that it doesn't matter.
I've been in situations where, you know, something happened between me and somebody and It was really bewildering for me.
I had never experienced something like that.
And I just didn't understand why that person did what they did.
I've been in all those situations before.
What I try to do in those moments is to sow into myself.
Instead of sitting down and ruminating on why they did what they did, find a project and start it.
Find something you can do for yourself so all that energy goes somewhere.
I use that energy to advance my creative work, my projects I've been working on.
I use that energy to write new stuff.
Pour that energy into yourself.
It doesn't even have to be serious.
You don't have to create anything per se.
I don't know.
Go out more.
Have dinners with your friends.
Go on solo dates.
Whatever the hell rocks your boat.
Go walk.
Go climbing.
Start gyming.
Do something with your time.
Do not spend all your time trying to analyze whether a person is terrible or not.
We do not care.
You have to treat this this way.
We don't care.
Why are you people so bent on carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders while also suffering?
Because at the end of the day, you're suffering.
So are you people addicted to suffering or what?
What is going on here?
It's giving humiliation and I enjoy it.
Why?
There are so many things in my life that I interpret as deep hatred that other people don't see as hate.
Which is why, sorry to say, which is why a lot of people keep ending up in relationships that are terrible.
You're in a relationship, so-called relationship.
You're unhappy.
They hate you.
Everything they do.
Anybody that has two eyes.
In fact, you don't even need two eyes.
One eye that is working.
You don't even need your one eye.
Anybody that has any part of their face there can see or can hear or can smell that they fucking hate your guts.
And I'm not dumb.
I know that they probably don't.
But for me, that is hate because somebody who loves me would never treat me like that.
That is my standard.
Do I ask the person, oh, you must love me, treat me like this?
No, I just collect myself and shift away.
If I really care about that connection, I say to the person listen, I only want to and I use I sentences.
I don't tell you what to do.
I never ever tell people what to do.
I say to people I only want to be in friendships where I am considered blah blah blah, blah blah.
I say stuff like that.
Or I say something like, I value A, B, C, and D.
It doesn't look like you're offering that.
Someone that cares about you can go, oh babe, that's not what I was trying to do.
I'm sorry it came across that way.
I want to work on it.
Let's have a talk.
Friendship moves forward.
When someone is like um okay, and they lean back, or they try to avoid me, or they don't say anything, or they suddenly are being nice to me, but they've never had the comment, they don't want to have the conversation, but they want me to fall back.
Fall for their niceness.
You are wasting your motherfucking time.
Your, that's it.
You are wasting your effing time.
I do not do pretending things did not happen.
Nope.
And I always communicate.
I always communicate.
If I'm unsure, I ask for clarity once, one time and you are done.
Some of you are out here giving people three chances.
Well, that's up to you.
I don't give more than one chance to anybody.
I don't want to be in friendships where I have to beg you to be a good friend to me.
I don't want to date anybody where I have to beg you to treat me kindly.
The hell?
Ask anybody who has ever had a dealing with me.
Who has ever been close to me.
One thing I've never done is enter a relationship treating people unkindly.
Okay, you might not like my personality, you might not like A, B and C, but you will not go anywhere in this world and say that Pearl came and was wicked and mean and detrimental to you.
It's not true.
So I hold other people to that standard.
I don't care.
If you need to be careless with me, if you need to poke around first to see how much you can get away with, be gone.
I don't want you in my life.
I only want people that value people.
Yo, wake up.
Especially young ladies.
I want to say to my sisters and to the girlies wake the F up, wake up.
Stop waiting for somebody to fall from the sky to come and encourage you.
Encourage yourself so that when someone talks down on you, you can kick them to the curb and to the bin.
Why?
Because you don't talk down on yourself.
Stop waiting for somebody to do this for you and do that for you.
Do it for yourself.
I do not take nonsense from anybody because i treat myself like an egg.
I treat myself with so much care.
I know that I am delicate.
So I treat myself that way.
So when someone treats me carelessly, my first instinct is oh my God, this is what vile, vile hatred feels like.
Call me dramatic.
For someone who had a really traumatic experience growing up.
I have come to love myself so radically that radical self-love.
And I expect everybody who comes into my space, into my life to love me the same.
I'd rather be alone and I'm not alone.
That's the thing.
I am not alone.
I have people who love me and people whom I love.
People who care for me.
People who treat me well.
People whom I have never had to beg to treat me correctly.
Have we had issues?
Yes.
Have we had misunderstandings?
Yes.
However, these people have always been willing to step up, always been willing to make sure that they don't just love me how they see love but how i can receive their love, how i can see and feel their love.
When i say they hate you, it has nothing to do with them.
It's about your interpretation of hate.
Start seeing these things as hatred.
I'd rather rather have peace.
It really is about peace.
I'd rather have peace.
Just have somebody next to me for the sake of having somebody next to me.
I know it's lonely out here, but never forget when you're in relationships that are terrible, you are still lonely.
You are still lonely.
You're still lonely.
Just in the public, in the eyes of others, you don't look lonely but, my darling, you are lonely and being alone doesn't mean you are lonely.
I have lonely moments, but i am not lonely.
I'm just alone.
This is where you check where you find your worth or how you define your worth.
Because a lot of people actually define their worth by what they make somebody else do.
So what isn't usual for that person?
So it's like, oh, yeah, they did this, did this to other people.
But with me they did this, so so, so.
So let me understand.
It's okay that they treated other people bad, but because they didn't treat you bad, then you're special.
When someone treats other people bad, i assume they'll treat me worse.
That's how i see it.
I don't like anybody who doesn't treat other people well.
If i find out that in your history, other people in your life you dug them out, you treated them terribly, unless i can see like you can tell me i went to therapy for so so so so so, whatever.
This is why i am different today.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want you in my life.
I don't like people who treat like people like oh yeah, he treats other girls this way, but with me, oh anyway.
That's all i wanted to say today.
I'm going to go and undress and do other things Bye.
